Chapter Text
Everything in the Mindpalace was going well.
Patton repeated that sentence to himself like a mantra, a water-filled mason jar clutched between his hands as he leaned against the kitchen bar.
Everything in the Mindpalace was going well.
Months and months went by without anyone having any sort of falling out, aside from petty arguments and occasional disagreements. Patton was attending each meeting, Remus right beside him. Life went on without a hitch.
Patton tried not to give Remus all the credit for everything good that had been happening. Logan, he knew, was working very hard to better himself and be more open. Janus was acclimating to his new surroundings more every day, and tentatively building new relationships while fixing up the old ones. Roman had been trying so hard, okay, and everyone could see the ways he hesitated less and less each time he went to speak. That’s not to speak of Virgil , who’d managed to slot his past and his present together into one big future, and not without considerable effort.
Patton could laud them all for that, for the peace that fell over the Mindpalace, but…
Part of him knew he never would’ve noticed that peace if he was still locked in turmoil with himself. And all of him knew exactly who it was that pulled him out of that hole.
Which isn’t to say it wasn’t an equal thing. He learned that a while in, that he was picking up Remus’ slack as much as Remus was picking up his. They functioned together, complimentary.
Everything in the Mindpalace was going well. The aching etched across Patton’s skin had faded, the ice solidified over his skeleton had thawed, and he couldn’t remember ever feeling so content.
Everything in Patton’s Mindpalace was going well.
Morality grinned against the edge of his drink, fighting the urge to laugh. He wasn’t even drinking anything, and still there was this giddiness. But that was how he always got at parties, and why he preferred to not drink alcohol anyway- he didn’t need to get any more jelly-brained!
Even if ‘party’ was a generous word for the gathering: It was just a family meeting gone awry, to be honest. No one had been in a working mood, not even Logan, and it was late in the evening already and the food was already there and. Well. Things morphed from there.
Remus was almost entirely glued to Patton’s side, despite how obviously he buzzed with energy. The simple fact that there was music, and food, and everyone enjoying themselves seemed to turn him up to 100- or, 110, since he usually operated with a staggering amount of energy either way.
But it was nice, hearing him talk, watching him flicker around excitedly. Patton, as was the case more and more these days, could hardly keep his eyes off him.
It wasn’t exactly like that was a problem. He doubted that a single side wasn’t aware of how completely and utterly entangled the both of them were with each other by that point, even if some of them still found it strange. They were… surprisingly supportive, of whatever kind of relationship the two of them had formed.
Friends , Patton reminded himself sternly, what else would it be? Patton had never wanted to date anyone, after all, and this wasn’t exactly an exception. It was just…
Strange. It was strange, but so was Remus- and honestly, so was Patton - so maybe it made more sense that way.
But just the same, things were smooth, and for once Patton wasn’t feeling too neurotic about it. He was half-sitting on the bar comfortably, swinging his leg, not chatting too much out of calmness more than anything. Remus was cross-legged on the counter as well, pressed up against him, buzzing and fidgeting but otherwise relaxed. Virgil leaned against the bookshelf crosswise, talking quietly with Remus. He only looked a little overwhelmed, and that was really unavoidable in any situation (Patton knew that if things were actually too much for him, Logan would already be taking care of it- it was like he had a sixth sense for that sort of thing).
“-and anyway,” Virgil was saying, “It’s not like I haven’t seen it before, but I’m not about to tell Roman that, because-”
“You have to see his reaction!” Remus interrupted, grinning mischievously.
“Right, duh - you can’t just, like, pass up an opportunity to show somebody that .”
“Misery loves company!”
“And that movie is miserable ,” Virgil nodded to himself, and okay, Patton had no idea what they were talking about.
He smiled at them anyway, though, because it was probably something to do with horror. Remus and Virgil could talk about horror for hours ; it was a wonder there was ever a time they didn’t get along, honestly.
But Patton knew that his brain was rolling around everywhere except for the present- and he always got all reminiscent and unfocused when he was this happy- so he shook himself, standing up.
“I’m gonna check the oven, the food’s probably done by now!” and then, just to Remus: “I’ll be just a second, Mess.”
Remus smiled at him, let him go, and barely took a breath before he was talking again. ( “So what’d he think? Did he scream at the end? That ending , I mean…” )
Patton slipped into the kitchen- which was barely another room, considering that wide open wall- but it was just a little quieter and a lot more pizza-roll-smelling than the living room.
Which Patton did actually have to take out of the oven, but it just so happened that getting up and moving around also got his head out of the clouds. That, and the mindless actions of snack-prep let him tune in better to what was going on around him. ( “That’s the thing, he went dead quiet as soon as the scene started. For a second I thought I broke him-” and then Remus was laughing, and Virgil was shushing him while also snickering. )
Patton slipped on an oven mitt, grabbed the tray, set it on top of the stove. More noise erupted behind him, ( Logan and Roman arguing about something that obviously didn’t matter, getting about as heated as they usually did. ) and he shook his head, pouring the snacks steadily into a dish. Patton then grabbed the bag and spread some uncooked rolls out on the now-unoccupied pan, and slipped it back into the oven for another batch. ( Janus heckling the argument. Virgil joining in, needling them. )
Patton rolled his eyes fondly, going through the motions of getting some tea ready. Might as well try to calm the dizzy exuberance in his chest while he was up, if he could, and some nice chamomile wouldn’t hurt.
(Remus wasn’t audibly teasing his brother with his snark-fueled companions, which was unlike him; to just sit there quietly.)
Patton rifled through the cabinets. Every mug was cracked or chipped or held together with glue and hope, and they sure had plenty of mugs. They kept conjuring new ones, but Patton wondered if that was doing them any good: all the mugs ended up in disarray eventually, so it was easier to just deal with the fissures as long as the cup was still, you know, vaguely functional.
Patton grabbed his favorite- easily the most beaten and battered out of them all, with a thick line splitting up the little cat face painted into it, a large chip in one part of the rim that had been sculpted to look like a cat ear. Whatever he poured into it always tasted a little like the super-glue holding it together, but it was just too darn cute to get rid of!
Patton smiled to himself, and thankfully had set the fragile thing down before two lanky arms twined around his waist and scared him half to death.
“ Remus !” It didn’t sound scolding at all ; Patton was laughing too much.
Remus spun him around, looking immensely proud for startling him, and raised himself up to drape his arms over Patton’s shoulders.
“What’cha smiling about?” He asked, grinning wider than Patton was even capable of. Patton laughed again, softly this time, and leaned back against the countertop.
“Mmm, you first.”
“Okay,” Remus squirmed, like he’d been hoping someone would ask- which was silly, considering that he was always smiling ear-to-ear. “You.”
Patton rolled his eyes, “ Nuh-uh , I already asked-”
“No, you ,” Remus poked him in the ribs, “You’re why.”
“Oh,” Patton melted, just a little. “ Ohhh ,” he pulled Remus into a proper hug, burying his face in the side’s hair, and the giddy feeling he’d been stuck with certainly wasn’t going away any time soon after that, “Aww, Mess!”
“Jesus, you’re so mushy . That line wasn’t even any good,” Remus cackled, like he had any right to be aloof when he was coiled all around Patton like he couldn’t help himself.
“You’re the one who said it, you big sap!” Patton playfully argued.
“Yeah, and you never answered my question!”
Patton pulled back- although that stretched the term; he’d pushed himself up onto the counter, with Remus between his knees, essentially still touching.
“I’m just in a good mood, that’s all. It’s a good night!” And it was, but Patton had to admit- “Maybe it has some thing to do with you, also.”
Remus smirked at him, leaning forward and planting his hands on either side of Patton’s legs.
“It better. I’m a riot at parties!”
This is barely a party , Patton thought, you’re always a riot, but he didn’t say either thing. Just hummed, tapping his fingers on the laminate countertop, staring into the middle distance pleasantly.
The rest of the sides were sprawled around the couch in the living room- which was mostly visible from the kitchen- and their argument was swiftly getting louder. Not a single one of them wasn’t laughing as much as he was shouting, though, so Patton decided to let them be. They were caught up having fun, and so was he, to be honest.
Remus was watching the others, too, but only in glances. He tossed a look over his shoulder every now and then, eyes darting around the room wildly, which was almost normal for him. Except that he looked so focused about it, scanning over them and then back to Patton with purpose, almost like he was… waiting for something.
His claws were tapping on the counters, too, but it was a feverish beat. Patton covered Remus’ hand with his own, twining their fingers together and squeezing them comfortingly- and Remus’ eyes locked immediately back onto his.
“Hi,” Patton said.
“Hey,” Remus said, “I love you.”
Patton went still. He blinked rapidly, and took a minute to remember how to think. The admission couldn’t have been surprising , of course they loved each other, but- it felt like it was the first time it had been said. It also didn’t feel like that was possible , because after all their time together how could they have skipped saying it, it was so obvious? They were so close, so blunt, Patton was pretty sure neither of them knew the meaning of the word ‘unspoken’.
Oh, but either way, he should probably- “I love you, too!”
Yeah, weird or not that they hadn’t done this before, that part was still pretty important.
But Remus hardly reacted at all, just a twitch in the corner of his lips- maybe-almost a smile, hypothetically. If anything, he was jittering even worse than before the reciprocation; Patton took his other hand just so he’d stop trembling , like a paranoid chihuahua, clutching that one the same as the first.
“Hey, what’s wrong, Buddy?” Patton implored. Remus stared at him, through him, and his eyes were visibly sharpening like little red camera lenses.
“Patton, Patton, Patton,” a wild mantra, “I must have the restraint of a saint, waiting this long to- to, I mean- Can I-” he took a breath, a set in his jaw showing just how much effort it took to pull his thoughts together. “I wanna do something. With you.”
Patton paused, and thought very carefully about that statement and everything that it could mean. There were… many possibilities.
“Is it gonna hurt?” Was the question he eventually settled on, squeezing Remus’ hands.
“Uhh, Probably not? If it does, then I’m definitely doing it wrong.”
“Okay, well-” Patton took a breath, met his friend’s eyes, and how was that as enticing as it was troubling? “Why don’t you?”
“...Can I?”
Remus looked about ready to shake out of his skin, so if whatever it was made him calm down , then Patton didn’t have any objections. Plus, hey, he was dense, but he wasn’t that dense.
“Has that question ever stopped you before?”
Something steeled in Remus’ expression, and he grinned. Patton grinned back, and that was when he knew without a doubt what was about to happen.
Remus jolted forwards and kissed him, square on the lips.
It was over as soon as it started, with Remus wrenching backwards and looking even more wild-eyed, before Patton had the time to really process it. If it was even actually a nice kiss, for example, was something that he could not honestly answer- only that it had happened, and now, here they were. But gosh , had it happened …
Remus watched him closely, tensed up like a string. He looked unaccountably silly like that, or maybe it was just the giddiness, but Patton giggled either way, smiled, and ducked his head. He felt a flush in his face, and like his heart had filled up with something- warm and wild and not like anything he knew how to name.
And gradually, Remus relaxed from tension into confusion, a hesitant laugh escaping him. He tossed out a dozen sentence fragments, which Patton deciphered with ease.
“We’re-” aromantic , “We don’t-” do that, “I’ve never-” wanted to before.
“Doesn’t matter,” Patton said decisively, “I don’t care.”
Remus searched his expression for a moment, before breaking down into hazy laughter again. He looked gone .
“Fuck it- if you don’t care, I don’t care! Let’s- Let’s just-!”
His eyes were darting around again, looking back through the open wall- and the argument was still raging, no one was paying any attention to the kitchen. Patton pulled one of his hands out of Remus’ and did something very impulsive.
He grabbed Remus’ jaw, dragging the trait’s gaze back to him.
“Don’t look at them,” he said, “Look at me.”
If it weren’t for the hush in his voice, the gentle-saccharine softness of it, the unmistakable Patton-ness of it, it would’ve sounded downright narcissistic. He could feel bad about that later, though, because as it stood the words made Remus send him a lovely little look, which made it very hard to be sorry about anything.
“No complaints here,” Remus grabbed Patton’s wrist, making it very obvious that he wanted his hand to stay right where it was. “But that’s the only time you get to boss me around, so don’t get cozy telling me what to do.”
“Oh yeah?” Remus’ voice had been light, nothing like the way he used to talk about Patton’s bossiness. There was that obvious hint of sarcasm, like a little in-joke between them. Patton already knew what the punchline would be. “I bet I can prove you wrong.”
Remus’ eyes glinted excitedly, “Doubt it!”
“Kiss me again.”
Patton got the sense Remus couldn’t have cared less about being wrong, with how fast he launched into it.
It took three tries to turn the doorknob, and again, not a single alcoholic beverage had been had by either of them that night. It was just that they refused to stop holding hands or cracking up laughing long enough to get the stupid thing open.
Patton shoved his way through first, kicking the door shut behind them and all but dragging Remus along. They were giggling senselessly, tripping all over each other and grinning at nothing and everything, before promptly collapsing onto the bed together.
That was the moment when Patton registered the room as Remus’, which only made him grin wider , because it was so alive in there. The shadows in the wallpaper all coalesced and reached out to Patton, and the floor purred under his feet, rippling like the skin of some giant animal. It was all so creepy the first few times he’d slept there, but now it was just adorable; every part of Remus, down to his room , was so ecstatic to have him there that it tried to pull him in and hold him.
But he couldn’t very well cuddle a wall, so Patton turned his attention back to the side himself, giggling and pleasantly delirious.
Remus was staring at him. Their hands were still clasped between them.
“Hey,” he started.
“ Hiii ,” Patton answered.
And then, in unison:
“What are we?” “C’mere and hold me.”
Patton blinked at him, and Remus laughed.
“Compromise: I hold you while you tell me what this-” he held up their hands, “-makes us.”
Yeah, that seemed fair.
Patton shuffled over, fitting his arms around Remus’ shoulders and weaving his fingers through the Duke’s hair, scratching at his scalp. Remus curled all around him in a way that had become perfectly familiar, resting his chin on Patton’s chest and staring up at him expectantly.
(and Patton answering questions in a way that made sense was unlikely in most situations, but with this one? Oh boy ).
“So, um, I love you,” he settled on eventually, working out a particularly dense knot of hair with his fingers.
Remus snorted. “Yeah, you mentioned,” he tapped his claws against Patton’s sternum, seeming to turn things over in his head. “We’re friends?”
Patton thought about it. He frowned.
“We are , but… that doesn’t feel special enough. I wouldn’t-” he felt himself flush, “I know I’m touchy, but I wouldn’t do all this with just anybody. I wouldn’t do it with anybody but you.”
“Okay. Me neither. So, uh- boyfriend ssss? ”
They winced in unison, Remus dragging the word out in a hiss.
“No,” Patton said.
“Yeah, that ain’t the one.”
“I mean, we don’t, um-”
“We aren’t exactly gonna fuck , you mean.”
Patton squeaked, inadvertently tugging too hard on a knot of hair. “I- first of all , you can date without- that , but second of all- mhm, that’s a definite no.”
Remus scrunched up his nose, scratching where his scalp had been pulled.
“I know you can, but I meant, like…”
He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut childishly. Patton patted him on the back sympathetically, equally as frustrated with Words and their lack of General Correctness at that moment as Remus clearly was.
“Why’s everything so fucking complicated ?” The trait whined, “I mean, feelings are your job, you’re smart! What’s- what’s-” Remus sat up suddenly, straddling Patton’s legs, grabbing one of the side’s hands and pressing it against his chest. The fabric of his sash was rough against Patton’s fingers, and beneath that, an irregular pattern of heartbeats, and beneath that , there were… there were definitely some feelings. “What is that, Pat?” His voice dipped low, that strained whispery sound that Patton just loved . “It’s gotta be something.”
Patton tried to focus, however hard that proved, and reached down inside to find a name for the sensation. The sensation that matched his own so well, and that gave him an odd little feedback loop of emotion that made everything sort of dizzy- trying to figure out other people’s emotions through his side ability always made him dizzy, despite the fact that he was apparently very good at it.
“It sure is something,” Patton muttered, flushing brighter. It was so much, and if Patton was anybody else but himself, it would’ve been too much. But he wasn’t, and it wasn’t; he couldn’t get enough.
“I didn’t know you cared about this,” Patton let his hand fall, smiling bemusedly up at Remus, “A label, I mean. I always thought you’d be the one saying they were stupid. Not that there’s, you know, anything wrong with it either way.”
Remus rolled off of Patton, flopping down beside him again. He pressed up against Patton’s shoulder, chewing his lip in concentration.
“I care about stuff. Stuff like you, and this is about you, so. Don’t blame me for worrying about it now, you’re the one who infected me with feelings in the first place.”
“I don’t blame you,” Patton said, and he was absolutely grinning at that. Remus narrowed his eyes. Patton stifled a laugh.
“What? What is it?”
“It’s just- You sounded exactly like Virgil,” Patton giggled, shaking his head fondly, “ ‘Infected with feelings’ , gosh, that’s so silly.”
Remus blinked at him, before his face split with a smile. “Yeah, I thought you’d like that one.”
Patton hummed. And then, he leaned over just enough to kiss Remus’ forehead, just because he could.
Remus caught him by the jaw and pulled him in for a proper kiss, which he happily reciprocated. That kicked off a nice five minute break from the conversation at hand, as Patton took the time to appreciate the feeling, noting the reverent gentleness that Remus always touched him with was just as present as ever- and yes, for the record, it wasn’t a great olfactory experience, but softness of him more than made up for it.
“So,” Patton started, once they’d finally parted. “I think I know what we can do.”
Remus stared at him, looking distinctly dazed. “What? Make out some more?”
Patton smacked him (lightly) on the arm, smiling despite himself.
“No- well, maybe- but I meant about us.”
“Right, right.”
Patton sat up straighter (haha), leaning back against the headboard and bringing Remus up with him. He tipped his head to one side in thought, then to the other (which was mirrored, adorably, by the Duke).
“We can make it simple if we just, y’know, cut out the middleman,” Patton took Remus’ hand again, tangling their fingers together. “So, I don’t have to be your friend, or your boyfriend… What if I’m just yours?”
Remus always had a very intense stare to him, but Patton had never felt quite as pinned to the spot by those laser-sharp reds than he did in that moment.
“Oh,” purred Remus, “ Ooh , I like that.”
Patton smiled sheepishly at him, running his thumb along the Duke’s knuckles. “So- yes?”
“Yes, absolutely,” Remus leaned over him, fixing his free arm around Patton’s neck possessively. “You’ll be mine, and I’ll be yours. Sounds like a plan to me .”
Patton laughed, almost overfull with giddiness at just how eager Remus managed to sound about that. It- it felt good, to be something that someone got so excited over. To be wanted.
To want , too, wasn’t as foreign a concept to Patton. But he was wanting now, and it was worlds different than before. Because he was actually getting the source of that yearning, this time, and of course that only made the feelings stronger, and-
Thinking about it made him tired. Deliriously happy, of course, but absolutely exhausted . For once, he was almost completely devoid of the urge to psychoanalyze himself; he was happy, in love, and loved. Patton could count on one hand the number of times he’d had all three of those things in his life at once, and he didn’t want to waste this one.
He tugged Remus into his lap. Remus was incapable of sitting still at all, but he hardly minded. Remus squirmed around, drummed his fingers against Patton’s back, buried his face in Patton’s shoulder (and, completely shamelessly, smelled him). It was so him , to not be settled at all even in such a contented moment. Endearing in every way.
And he started chattering, at some point, because of course he did. At first he was talking about them , but that topic didn’t stick around for long before he was jumping around all over the place with his words.
Remus ranted for two reasons: one, he was frustrated, needy for attention. Two, he was too excited not to talk, and there was so much going on that he couldn’t shut up for a second to even breathe. Patton was intimately familiar with telling the difference between the two, and, sorting that occasion into the later category, he wrapped Remus up in his arms and waited patiently for the trait to tire himself out. He didn’t mind that either.
Eventually, though, Remus did.
Eventually, it wasn’t night so much as it was morning, and Patton was tired and warm and half-asleep already, and Remus was laying contentedly on his chest while the rambling steadily became faint mumbling.
Eventually, they were sleeping, just like any other night together.
And the last thing Patton had in mind, as he flitted in and out of awakeness, was the dim realization that he’d forgotten how it felt to be cold.