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James Potter to Lily Light of Life <333: wish I could go to the social with you, gutted the match is away n I can’t make it back in time xx
Lily Evans to James <3: aw no worries, I know you’d be here if u could <3 love u sm xx
James: love u more, have so much fun and send vids when pads gets pissed and chunders all over Slughorn’s shoes xx
Lily: wasn’t about to break tradition now was I?? xx
James: fuck I love u so much
Sirius Black to Ginger Spice (งᓀ‸ᓂ)ง: u ready to get RAMBUNCTIOUS
Lily Evans to Sirius (-_-): m8 I’ve been half gone since I got out of lab, I’m abt a drink away from karaoke rn
Sirius: social’s not 4 another hour??? and it’s open bar????? tf
Sirius: more importantly U STARTED WITHOUT ME???
Lily: I was the only woman in my lab today. Dorcas was out sick
Sirius: ……
Sirius: fair play
Lily: sounds like u got some catching up 2 do
Sirius: say no more milady
Sirius: pick u up in the uber in 45, u’d better eat smth or puke n rally bc I’m trying to get as many free drinks as possible
Lily: getting drinks at an open bar event from the school doesn’t count as wealth redistribution Sirius
Sirius: SEIZE THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION
Sirius Black named the group chat: Sluggy’s STEM Sluts
Sirius Black added Moonerz, Ginger Spice ( ง ᓀ ‸ ᓂ ) ง , and Wormtail
Remus: Padfoot ur not even in STEM ur studying English Lit
Remus: ur just Lily’s date bc James’s rugby match is an hour away
Sirius: I am a SLUT for a BUNSON BURNER
Lily: Bunsen**
Sirius: yes that exactly
Peter: chuffed they’re actually letting me come this year
Lily: Psychology is still a science and anyone who says differently can fuck off
Lily: And u can tell them that Remus and I said so n we’re Biomedical Engineering
Peter Pettigrew Liked Lily Evans’s Message: Psychology is still a science and anyone who says differently can fuck off
Remus: hear, hear
Sirius: English is the science of words
Remus Lupin to Sluggy’s STEM Sluts: Lily, we’re 5 mins out from u!
Lily: see u babes soon, let’s get smashed n talk about Biomaterial
Remus: I LOVE BIOMATERIAL
Lily: SAAAAAAME
Sirius: I need 2 drink more
Alice Prewett to Lily Evans: OMG Lily u look AMAZING, so glad I got to see u!! x
Lily Evans to Alice Prewett: AWW Alice I’m so glad I got to see u too!! U and Frank are SO cute together! X
Alice: <3
Alice: I’m so glad to be here with him. Can’t believe Moody finagled our way into a sciences event, lol! The law school doesn’t usually put on things like this x
Lily: no one deserves a night out more than u two!!
Lily: saving the world and fighting injustice xx
Alice Prewett Loved Lily Evans’s Message: no one deserves a night out more than u two!!
Alice: Stop you are TOO sweet!! xx
Lily: plus I think Slughorn’s afraid of Moody lol, I know they go way back but idk how, Moody probably has some legal dirt on ol’ Sluggy LOL x
Alice: OMG you’re so bad!! (but probably right, he scares all of us)
Alice: also you’re so smart to wear a big coat, I wasn’t sure they’d check coats so I only wore a blazer and I was so cold on the way!! Lol x
Lily: LOL yeah the coat was a last-min decision, very glad I brought it tho with this weather, ugh x
Alice: I didn’t see James with u, is he playing a match tonight?? Or was there a separate thing for Kinesiology? x
Lily: he’s got a match against Albans, an hour out :/ x
Alice: oh no :( tell him I say hi and good luck!! X
Lily: will do babe x
Sirius Black to Ginger Spice (งᓀ‸ᓂ)ง: lol James is gunna have a heart attack and die when he sees u
Sirius: good luck w the funeral costs
Lily Evans to Sirius (-_-): haven’t the foggiest what u mean
Lily: James isn’t here luv remember
Sirius: no I mean after when u inevitably end up at our flat to ravish ur boyfriend
Lily: what does this purely hypothetical situation have to do with James dying
Sirius: don’t u dare act coy with me Evans, u own a mirror and u also know he loves u in red
Sirius: and I’m quite sure someone had to pour u into that dress
Sirius: plus u 2 haven’t seen each other in like a week bc of exams so I will be wearing my noise canceling headphones 2nite and pretending I Do Not Exist
Lily: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Lily: :* :* :* luv u let’s watch Pride and Prejudice tmrw xx
Sirius: FUCK YES
Sirius Black to Prongsie: Attachment: 1 Video
James Potter to Paddy (SO #2): FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
James: my girlfriend is so hot why are you torturing me like this
James: does she know u sent that, bc if she was gna surprise me with this dress l8r she’ll be proper angry w u
Sirius: she told me to send it to u Prongs I’m not a fucking perv jfc
James: ur right my b
James: also didn’t realize how much I liked Bodak Yellow b4 this moment
Sirius: u only like it cos she’s dancing 2 it
James: AND rapping!!!! I didn’t know she knew all the lyrics wtf that’s… super unexpected and impressive??
Sirius: yeah she’s Cokeworth’s own Skepta
James: does that make me Adele
Sirius: I suppose it does
James: I am very ok with that
James: but does that make u my piece of shit ex husband who took all my money??? Paddy I’m hurt wtf
James: we share a CHILD
Sirius: no babe I would never xxxxx
Sirius: but also I sent u that in exchange for ur promise that u will finish shagging by like 2am so I can sleep
Sirius: our walls are criminally thin
James: …deal
James Potter to Moony (ICE): r our walls rlly thin
Remus Lupin to Prongs: yes and I know why you’re asking so allow me to repeat for emphasis: /yes/
Bertram Aubrey to James Potter: hey mate I’d keep an eye on ur girlfriend if I was u
James Potter to Bertram (Intro Chem Wanker): um, what the fuck
Bertram: Attachment: 1 Image
James: yeah she’s dancing at the fucking social, and what of it?
James: & if you could delete that off your phone now, I’d appreciate it
Bertram: lol
Bertram: I’m just saying it’s interesting ur not here and she’s out dressed like that
James: didn’t realize I’d taken a trip to 1832, thx for letting me know?
James: I’m not her fucking handler, she isn’t a zoo animal, she can wear what she likes??
Bertram: lots of blokes here
James: right
James: funny thing about being in a trusting relationship, doesn’t matter if there’s 1 or 100 blokes in a room, same negative chances of Lily cheating on me so
Bertram: wasn’t her I was talking about but whatever
James: sorry, so you’re saying there’s men there that you have reason to believe will do something WITHOUT HER CONSENT? Bc if that’s it then maybe you should spend this valuable time calling the police or kicking someone out for potentially threatening my fucking girlfriend rather than texting me to complain that she’s hot
James: bc the only threat I can think of currently is you taking unsolicited pictures of her and generally acting like a fucking wankstain so allow me to remind you that I can and will beat the absolute shit out of you if I hear you’ve done anything out of order
Bertram: jesus christ mate I was just trying to look out, calm down alright
James: well fucking cheers Paul Revere, I’m warned
James: Lily’s there with my three best mates and perfectly capable of taking care of herself
James: so consider yourself blocked you absolute fucking bellend and you’d better of deleted that picture
James Potter to Paddy (SO #2): I’m gna beat the shit out of Bertram Aubrey
Sirius Black to Prongsie: ur always threatening 2 fight ppl. Y do u think that is
James: unchecked toxic masculinity
Sirius: ding ding ding we have a self-aware winner
James: Attachment: 3 Images
Sirius: …
Sirius: omg what a WANKER
Sirius: now /I/ want to beat the shit out of Berty Aubergine
James: no offence paddy but I’m captain of the rugby team and ur most physical hobby is getting urself chucked out of slam poetry readings
James: my threat may hold a bit more weight
Sirius: first of all
Sirius: they can’t just leave the mic unmanned and not expect me to improv
Sirius: 2ndly
Sirius: how was I supposed 2 kno there were children present, they r too short I could not see them
Sirius: 3nth
Sirius: how dare u
Sirius: u forget how much tai chi I do
Sirius: I will misalign the shit out of ur chakras
James: my boots
James: o how I am quaking within them
Sirius: I will write an acrostic out of ur name that will send u weeping to mum
Sirius: ye be warned
James Potter to Paddy (SO #2): fuck I forgot what I was texting u about
James: just watch out for him at social will u
Sirius Black to Prongsie: right-o
James: n stay off the tequila
Sirius: can’t hear u I’m in a tunnel
Lily Evans to Remus!!: can u believe Slughorn let it slip we got the grant!!! And not the ChemE’s!!!!! IN FRONT OF THEM LOOOOOOL
Remus Lupin to Lily PotterEvans: it was so good, did you see Mulciber’s face
Lily: AND HE WAS THE ONE WHO ASKED ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE LMAO KARMA U GODDESS U
Remus: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Avery go that pale
Remus: It’s like his veins were gonna pop out his skin trying to hold in the tirade
Lily: do not even get me STARTED ON SNAPE’S FACE AHAHAHA
Lily: is this what it feels like to get an Olympic gold medal
Lily: it cannot feel better than this
Remus: this must be what it’s like
Lily: come to the bar, I got u a celebratory G&T and we’re gonna dance in the name of BIOMEDICAL ENGINEERING and the SAL T SLYTHERIN GRANT FOR ADVANCEMENT OF SCIENTIFIC ENGINEERING!!!
Remus: THANK GOD FOR BIOMEDICAL ENGINEERING
Lily Evans to Peter Pettigrew: Pete!!! come dance where r u! Sirius just requested Truth Hurts and I am about to go MENTAL out here
Lily: WHY’RE MEN GREAT TIL THEY GOTTA BE GREAT
Peter Pettigrew to Lily Evans: omg I’m coming! There was the cutest exhibit abt mice in the hallway, did u know we had a vet school???
James Potter to Lily Light of Life <333: hey babe can I call u for a sec?
Lily Evans to James <3: yeah of course! everything alright??
James: yeah but will explain on phone x
James Potter to Lily Light of Life <333: Attachment: 3 Images
Lily Evans to James <3: THAT CHAUVINIST FUCKING WANKSTAIN
James: yes
Lily: THAT SEXIST PIGFACED PRICK
James: yes
Lily: HOW VERY DARE HE
James: I agree
Lily: cheers for sticking up for me tho ilysm <3 my feminist
James: u told me u wouldn’t go out with me until I read at least two of Roxane Gay’s books
Lily: and then u read four and then read the Second Sex and the Feminine Mystique <3 <3 <3
James: We Should All Be Feminists
James: also I love u and try not to murder him in front of Slughorn, he has weak disposition
Lily: no promises but also love u too
James: brb compiling ur alibi
Sirius Black to Moonerz: moooooooonyy!!!
Sirius: come take tequila shots w meeeeee
Sirius: MOONY
Sirius: MOONY MY GOOD LAD
Sirius: HOP TO
Remus Lupin to Padfoot: how many have u already had Padfoot
Sirius: you see the thing about numbers is
Sirius: they’re socially constructed
Remus: oh god
James Potter to The Marauders Pt 2 Electric Boogaloo: hey lads, hope the night’s going well, Lily may attempt to physically harm Bertram Aubrey so if u could do ur best to keep that from happening that’d be great lol ta
Sirius: lol
Remus: I don’t really want to know tbh
Remus: he is a bit of a prat tho
Peter: who is Bertram Aubrey???
Sirius: one with the light blue jacket even tho it’s like bloody winter
Peter: oh lol looks like a prat
James: cheers m’boys, I’m on the bus back, I’ll be at the flat probably half 10. See u!
Unkown Number to Bertram Aubrey: ykno it costs £0 not to be the way that u are
Bertram Aubrey to Unknown Number: who is this???????
Unknown Number: I hope u like slam poetry u dickhead
Bertram: blocked???
Peter Pettigrew to Lily Evans: hey lily where did u go?? Lol
Peter Pettigrew to The Marauders Pt 2 Electric Boogaloo: uhhh hey have any of u seen Lily lol
Remus: oh boy
Sirius: lol nah we took ashot 2geth like half 7 tho
Remus: that was 2hrs ago??
James: W HAT
Peter: shit wrong chat
Sirius: lol what a mare
James: WAIT WHAT
James: HOW DID YOU LOT LOSE MY GIRLFRIEND
James: AT AN EVENT WITH 50 PEOPLE
Sirius: I’d say low end at least 65
James: PADFOOT
Peter Pettigrew to Prongs: did u know that there’s a cat café opening up round the corner
James Potter to Wormtail: DISTRACTION IS NOT GOING TO WORK PETER
James: …but also where
Remus to Sluggy’s STEM Sluts: well I didn’t find her per se
Sirius: is there a but
Sirius: there should always be a but
Sirius: in any situation really
Remus: hey padfoot, let’s play a game where u don’t bombard a chat with nonsense for about two seconds
Sirius: sounds like a shit game tbh
Remus: ANYWAY
Remus: Aubrey did just come back into the ballroom covered in a mysterious purple liquid and looking quite put out
Peter: so Lily prob did that is what ur saying?
Sirius: peter my boy u wld be absolutely dangerous if u wld read a fuckin book
Peter: thank u?
Sirius: any time
Sirius: Lily I know ur reading these
Lily: lol hi
Remus: where’d u run off to??
Peter: THANK GOD
Sirius: sneaky ginger
Lily: cornered him outside the men’s toilets
Sirius: swill’d him?
Lily: made it look like accident, gave him doe eyes, he defo believed me lol stupid git
Sirius: that’s m’girl
Remus: well done I guess????
Sirius: now come on u lot they r playing WHAM, dance floor NOWWWW
Sirius Black to Prongsie: Attachment: 2 Images
James Potter to Paddy (SO #2): oh thank god
James: also classic lol
James: omw to flat from training pitch
Sirius: I’ll let little red riding hood kno
James: <33333 u
Sirius: 2AM AND I MEAN IT
James to Lily Light of Life <333: u look so dead sexy in that outfit Lils
Lily to James <3: lol got Sirius’s video did u? ;)
James: yeah n I can’t stop watching it
James: fuck I can’t wait to touch u
James: been thinking about u all week
Lily: same here my love <3
James: what would I have 2 say 2 get u 2 skive the rest of the social and come over rn
Lily: babe I’m already in an uber so
Lily: not that much as it turns out
James: I am going to marry u
Lily: ;)
James: u had better not have plans for the next two days
James: ur not leaving my room but for sustenance
Lily: unless u want to invite Sirius to the room for a bit tmrw to watch Pride and Prejudice in ur bed whilst we’re naked I’d amend that statement
Lily: if u say u would consider it I’m turning this uber around and going home
James: … haven’t the foggiest what u mean
Lily: right