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The first time Edelgard kisses a girl is at the age of five.
Her mother used to babysit some of the neighborhood kids. Something she did to make a little bit of extra money when her father worked two jobs and her parents were struggling when she when she was still a child.
Edelgard goes to school with these children; they come home with her when her mother comes to pick her up at the end of the day. They sit around playing around with toys in the living room, doing their homework, or watching the boring educational cartoons that air on the public broadcasting channel.
It’s a warm spring afternoon when Edelgard grabs one of them and disappears behind the couch. She leans in and whispers with all the ignorance that childhood affords—I saw this once on a movie that my mommy was watching—and pulls the other girl toward her. She doesn't know what she’s doing. Neither does the other girl—they’re children. But, it’s something adults do… and there’s a lot of things that adults do that they don’t understand. She pulls away from the other child, wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. That was gross. Why do adults do that?
The other child goes home, tells their parents what Edelgard did. The next day her mother spanks her, and as Edelgard is crying, she points to the crucifix—good ole dead and suffering Jesus—hanging above the door of their home and yells—Jesus didn’t die for you to be such a sinful child.
She hates waking up for church on Sunday morning.
Anselma always dresses her in these awful, frilly dresses that pinch at her arms and her tights make her legs itch. Edelgard sits between her father and mother, slouching her way out of the church pew and wanting to fall to the floor in slumber. Her mother grabs her by the arm, leans in to her ear—stop embarrassing us in church, Edelgard—and she straightens her posture just as the pastor hums his way through another amen.
Edelgard loses herself in the crowds after the service is over, spots the pastor’s daughter standing near the doors of the church, looking just as bored and confused as she is. Byleth, that’s her name. A sweet and silent child that takes pride in welcoming the members of her father’s congregation, wishing them well and thanking them for come again. Edelgard’s only talked to her a couple of times during Sunday school—Byleth always knows all the answers. Of course she would, she’s the pastor’s daughter. As Byleth sees her nearing her, she regards Edelgard in her usual silence, but smiles nonetheless. What a strange child.
Edelgard starts talking to her about wanting to go home so she can play with her Barbie dolls and Byleth says—but Daddy says Sunday is the Lord’s Day and we shouldn’t play on the Lord’s Day. Edelgard answers back—That’s not true, I’m sure God plays with Barbie dolls all the time. He’s so busy. I’m sure he just wants to have fun sometimes—and Byleth looks at her just … confused. Was God a woman?
Before Edelgard can embarrass them any more, Anselma comes by and grabs Edelgard by the hand, tells Byleth goodbye, and pulls them out of the church.
She’s eight when she sees her mother scrolling through the television one night, looking for a movie to watch when Edelgard sees something that piques her interest. There are two girls on the screen … and they’re kissing one another. Her mother instantly turns up her nose, quickly turns the channel so they can see no more.
Edelgard pretends that she’s going to go to her room for something—memorizing the channel that the movie was on—and runs to go turn on her TV so that she watch the rest of that sinful mess her mother just prevented her from seeing. The two girls are under pink sheets, touching each other, kissing one another again. She doesn’t understand why this is bad—well, they told her at church why it was—but she’s interested to see more of whatever this is.
Moments later she can hear her mother’s footsteps thudding down the hallway and she rushes to turn off the television so that she can’t see what she’s doing. Her mother throws open the door to her bedroom, finger poised to start shaking it in Edelgard’s face.
What do you think you’re doing, Edelgard?
I was… I was simply looking for a book … I was…
A slap across her face and it stings with everything that she must prepare herself for in the years to come. Edelgard looks back at her mother, touching the side of her face, and wishing for her tears to stop blurring the vision of her mother before her.
Edelgard’s parents are out of town for the night and they leave her at the Eisner’s house until they’re able to return in the morning.
Edelgard opens one of her eyes as she holds hands with Byleth and they say grace over the table. Pastor Jeralt isn’t so scary when he’s being a normal family man and smiling at his daughter and wife over dinner. Jeralt asks her questions about school, the soccer team she plays for—Byleth, what if we get you started on something new?—how is she enjoying the new Sunday school teacher? Sitri spoons more mashed potatoes onto Edelgard’s plate as she looks longingly at the bowl sitting on the table as dinner nears its completion. Sitri merely smiles as Edelgard tells her she’s full. Sitri doesn’t chide her for wanting more… like Edelgard's father always does.
They watch some movie—something wholesome—before Edelgard whispers to Byleth that she’s bored and wants to go play Barbie or make believe in her room. Byleth asks her parents if its okay if they go play and Jeralt waves them away as Sitri curls up at his side.
In Byleth’s room, Edelgard picks up two of Byleth’s dolls, leans in really close to Byleth’s face and says—I saw this in a movie that my mother said I shouldn’t be watching. She leaves out the part where Anselma had slapped her for her disobedience. Byleth doesn’t have to know about those things.
She presses the Barbie’s faces together and the rubber creases under the force of her childish fingers. Edelgard giggles as she looks up at Byleth—have you ever seen two women kissing like this?—and does it some more. The whole thing is so ridiculous. Why were the adults in such an uproar about two girls kissing? Sure, she’s heard things about homosexuals and sinful deviant behavior, but what was so wrong with just kissing?
Edelgard drops the dolls to the ground and looks up at Byleth. Has she ever kissed someone? Byleth shakes her head. How could she? She was only ten. Edelgard giggles again and leans forward and plants a quick kiss on Byleth’s lips. She’s kissed one person before. And her parents punished her for that… but you won’t tell your parents what I did… will you Byleth?
Byleth just stares at her in silence.
Her mother doesn’t have many friends, but she’s somewhat close with Sitri—Byleth’s mother. They’re currently sitting in an ice cream parlor while the two of them converse about their marriages and church and a woman’s place in the world. Sitri is somewhat unconventional, voices ideas that contradict her husbands benedictions on a Sunday morning—but she just smiles in that same way that Byleth does and tells Anselma that these are just thoughts. They aren’t her truth.
Edelgard kicks at Byleth under the table as she pokes around at her ice cream and doesn’t talk to Edelgard at all. They’re older now, but Byleth is still weird. Byleth startles, gives her a surly just look as they make eye contact—What? Edelgard scrunches up her nose and wants to lob ice cream at her face. Maybe that would get her talking.
They take the girls shopping and Byleth fusses with her mother over every piece of girly item she tries to throw at her pubescent body. She hates these stupid dresses and skirts that her mother is always trying to get her to wear. Byleth pulls her black hoodie over her body again and huffs at Sitri’s poking and prodding—while Anselma laughs at the exchange. She turns to Edelgard, eleven now, and perhaps on her way to this point in life.
I’m glad I don't have to worry about you when it comes to this sort of thing.
Byleth’s silence becomes permanent in the year that her mother dies.
Edelgard watches her from afar as the small congregation gathers in the cemetery to watch Sitri’s grave lower into the ground. She hears murmurs from the adults about how Sitri passed on—but none of that is important. The person standing across from her, eyes lowered to the ground, a scowl on her face—Byleth—is the person she’s concerned for right now.
The world is starting to change, become different. She’s twelve now. On the cusp of becoming a woman, as her mother had so proudly declared to her as they stood in the bathroom and she looked in her panties and saw red for the first time. Men are starting to look at her differently and she doesn’t understand why their looks have started to become something more perverse and not so innocent. She still looks like a child—still feels like one—why can’t they see that too?
As the sun shines and lights up the world with life, Edelgard tries to talk to Byleth, tell her she’s sorry for her mother’s passing. But, Byleth isn’t listening to her. She just stares at that white casket, as the pallbearers help to shovel dirt over it, and her father keeps his stony gaze trained towards the blue, cloudless sky. When Byleth fails to acknowledge anything Edelgard says to her, Ionius pulls his daughter away before she can embarrass herself further.
When she greets Byleth at the next Sunday service, those blue eyes just stare at her again and she walks away. Edelgard hears murmurs of depression and oath of silence and poor, Pastor Jeralt among the congregation as they file out of the church. It’s been weeks since anyone has heard Byleth speak, and Edelgard starts to wonder if grief can turn a person mute.
She asks her mother what’s wrong with Byleth and Anselma just shakes her head—that poor child, to grow up in her most crucial years without a mother. What will become of her?
At thirteen, Edelgard mentions something about gay marriage to her father, Ionius, and the way in which he shouts at her in the car as he drives her to school that morning has her ears ringing. You will believe what I believe, Edelgard.
She’s confused. She thought that gay people were people, too. That everyone was deserving of God’s love and that they should be able to be who they are and who they want to be. Her father drones on about the sanctity of marriage and if Edelgard really thinks that what her father and her mother have—their beautiful, heterosexual marriage—is nothing. She doesn’t know how to answer an adult—she’s still a child.
Three years later when her parents divorce and she watches her father sobbing alone in the living room, she wonders if he’s found the answer to his own question.
She’s fourteen when she finds Byleth kissing another girl in one of the recreation rooms one Sunday.
Edelgard doesn’t think much of it as Byleth stares her down from the other side of the room and pushes the other girl away from her. She just watches the two of them from the archway of the door and steps aside to let the other girl run past her. Byleth wipes her mouth with the back of her hand—spits on the floor. She walks over to Edelgard finally, stares down into her lavender eyes and mutters—I didn’t tell back then. So neither will you.
Edelgard has heard the murmurs of the pastor’s daughter being different. She doesn’t think different is wrong, no matter how often the church will tell her differently. Byleth doesn’t wear dresses to church; she’s always in some type of men’s attire. And her hair, why does she keep cutting her beautiful hair—the hair she inherited from her dearly departed mother—so short?
She hears her mother gossiping in hushed tones to another member of the church in the dead of the night—they say she’s one of those queers, and you know how much I let Edelgard hang around her… maybe I should stop … but she’s the pastor’s daughter—and Edelgard feels anger settle into her heart. How could they talk about Byleth in such a way? She didn’t do anything wrong. She was just being herself. She was different.
…And maybe … Edelgard felt so much anger … because she was starting to realize she was a little bit different as well.
Her parents decide to send her to Catholic school when she reaches the ninth grade. Something about the public school system in the area not being good enough for a Christian child and they didn’t want her to turn into one of those heathens running around on the streets.
She hates the starchiness of her school uniform, the ridiculous rules, and the uniformity. There’s no form of self-expression permitted within these hallowed halls of priests and nuns. Ionius tells her to stop complaining. She’s not going to school to look pretty for all the boys that she’s so interested in—she’s really not, father—she’s there to get an education. Boys. She’s never been interested in those. They’re so stupid. So smelly, so gross.
A year passes; she acclimates to the strictness of it all. Edelgard learns ways to bend the rules as she sees fit. She still goes to church on Sunday. Still sleeps her way through all of Pastor Jeralt’s sermons. Blocks out all the murmurs of Byleth’s indecent behavior as a young woman.
Edelgard turns her nose up at those stuck up and pompous church women who comment on how someone—a woman—should come into Byleth’s life and sort her out. They should set Pastor Jeralt up with someone. But, is it too soon? It’s barely been three years since Sitri passed… and although Byleth is talking again, that’s not to say Jeralt is completely at peace with his late wife’s death. But, nonsense. Byleth was a teenage girl—and they needed proper guidance.
Byleth is fixing some bibles in the pews when she overhears Edelgard yelling at the women to mind their business and that Byleth is fine the way she is. The first smile in years comes to her face as she watches Anselma wrestling her unruly daughter out of the church.
At fifteen, she’s standing behind the church with Byleth one winter’s night.
She lied to her parents, told them that she was staying late at the library that night to study with Dorothea. Byleth is seventeen now, Edelgard still fifteen. Byleth crouches down, pulls something out of her pocket. A crumpled pack of cigarettes—she smokes now? Byleth laughs as Edelgard chides her for ruining her health in such a way. Does it really matter? They’re all going to die anyway.
They stand in silence. Edelgard called her out here because she wanted some company … and Byleth really has nothing better to do. She likes hanging out with Byleth. Kind of like an older sister in a way. Neither of them have siblings, growing up as an only child is lonely.
Edelgard pulls on the blazer of her school uniform as she looks to the moonless sky. She tells Byleth about how her parents are fighting and she doesn’t know what to do anymore. She doesn’t ever want to go home because she’s afraid of the state she’ll find the house in when she does. Byleth tells her she can always come over to her house if she needs a break from everything. Edelgard thanks her for the sincerity… but she doesn’t want to impose. Besides, what will everyone say if they see Edelgard hanging out with Byleth all the time? Byleth shrugs. She doesn’t care.
Byleth lifts the cigarette up to Edelgard—are you sure you don’t want to try? Edelgard is very sure. Byleth chuckles again and asks Edelgard if she’s afraid of the temptation her father is always preaching about. Edelgard isn’t afraid. She’s not afraid of anything …except maybe rats.
The conversation switches and Byleth murmurs how she wants to get out of their stupid town. She’s tired of the people here, tired of being the pastor’s daughter. When Edelgard asks her why she feels that way, Byleth looks at her like she’s stupid.
You know why.
Hail Mary, Full of Grace, The Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now, and at the hour of death.
Edelgard has heard this prayer a thousand times. Over and over again, the sick drone of mechanical voices echo all around her. Everyone’s hands are held out in reverence as the man at the helm of the room leads them all into the silence oath of obedience. In the back of her mind, the word sinner repeats itself over and over again like a mantra. Edelgard asks herself; will you swallow these rosary beads you clutch so desperately in your hands to keep the secret from reaching your throat?
That’s all Catholic school ever does. Tells Edelgard that her life—her entire being is a sin. She tries to find ways to work around the guilt she feels when Dorothea playfully slaps her ass in the locker room before gym class, or pushes her up against her locker at the end of the day and pretends like she’s going to kiss her. Their classmates pass on in disgust—call them lesbians—and Dorothea just laughs, while Edelgard frowns.
It’s the summer before her junior year.
Shattering dishes and screaming has Edelgard with the sheets over her head in the darkness of her room. Her tear streaked face is illuminated by the soft hue of her phone—searching for someone, anyone, to take her away from this place if only for one night. She calls Byleth sobbing—Please, El, just come over. It’s okay.
She lies in Byleth’s bed that night. Jeralt is gone, so it’s just the two of them in the house for the time being. Byleth orders a pizza and the two of them watch some stupid campy movie—But, I’m a Cheerleader—and Edelgard turns to look at Byleth. Gay conversion camps? Do those things actually exist? Byleth pauses as she takes a swig of her coke and simply nods. Unfortunately… yes. Edelgard swallows hard. She nudges closer to Byleth and rests her head against the other girl’s thigh. How could the world be so cruel? Byleth places a warm hand on Edelgard’s head, massages it gently and shakes her head. I don’t know, El. I really don’t…
Edelgard sneaks books past her parents, the nuns, the priests—Annie on my Mind, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistlestop Cafe, The Well of Loneliness, Rubyfruit Jungle, The Price of Salt, Fingersmith—and every other authority figure in her life that seeks to stop her exploration of who or what she is.
She starts spending more time with Byleth. Byleth's graduated school now and she’s just kind of floating by and trying to figure out what she wants to do next. Byleth did say she wanted to get out of this town… but one needed money to accomplish those sorts of goals. Byleth takes a job down at the old mechanics shop in the heart of town and Edelgard always stops by after school to come and see her.
Her parents are arguing too much to notice that Edelgard has filled in all of her free time with Byleth time. Dorothea comments on her weird friend she sees loitering outside of the school gates and Edelgard tells her that she’s not weird—she’s just Byleth. Edelgard discusses literature with her—the ones she’s not supposed to be reading—and Byleth always gives her something new to read. Something else to help her figure out what she probably already knows.
Edelgard kisses Byleth in the darkness of a movie theater, as some horror movie plays on the large screen overhead. This time she means it.
On Sunday, she sits next to her father in the church pew, eyes the vacant spot her mother used to occupy. At the front of the room, she feels like Jeralt is speaking to her directly.
How are you fulfilling God’s will, Edelgard?
You’re not.
Edelgard likes the feeling she gets when Byleth kisses her. She feels giddy, childish, she can’t stop smiling. She wants to do more… but Byleth tells her she’s eighteen now and Edelgard is still a minor technically. Edelgard just huffs and tells her to get over herself. She can consent to whatever she wants; she’s not a child anymore. Oh, but she is.
Jeralt doesn’t comment on Edelgard’s frequent visits to their home, but he does notice. He knows about Byleth and the way in which she wants nothing to do with men. He doesn’t tell his daughter that it’s a sin, but as a pastor, a pinnacle of goodness for their community… he can’t tell her it’s completely right either. He doesn’t love his child any less. This is the way that God made her and he won’t change her—he can’t. He tells her to be careful with that von Hresvelg girl… there’s a lot of turmoil going on in her family right now and he doesn’t want Byleth to make things more turbulent than they already are. Byleth acknowledges her father’s concern, but she doesn’t stop.
It’s been three days since her parents have told her that they're getting a divorce … and Edelgard turns to Byleth for solace that she can’t find anywhere else. On a Saturday morning, Edelgard eyes her bra hanging from Byleth’s bed and turns over to see blue eyes staring down at her. Are you okay with this? Edelgard just smiles at her. Of course she is. This is what she wanted all along.
Things feel …different after Edelgard realizes she’s had sex with a girl for the first time. She feels looser, freer, less tied down to these rules and regulations that have held her down to the ground for so long. She stares at her father’s somber face as they eat breakfast in the morning before she goes to school and she finds herself smiling to herself in defiance. What he doesn’t know won’t kill him, right?
During confession that morning, Edelgard keeps her lips sealed as the priest asks her if there is anything she would like to confess to God. No. Not at all. She’s perfectly content in keeping this sinful little secret all to herself.
When she tells Byleth she wants to do it again, Byleth is hesitant. Edelgard is dealing with a lot right now… maybe this isn’t the best time for them to explore this sort of thing. They can wait… they should wait. Edelgard bangs her balled fists against Byleth’s chest as the other girl tries to hold her back and get her to calm down. Please don’t turn on me, too, Byleth. Please. You’re the only thing I have right now. Please, Byleth.
Ionius pulls Edelgard from the bed by her hair and he’s screaming bloody murder as Byleth rushes to pull her shirt back on. Mr. von Hresvelg. Mr. von Hresvelg, please wait. Don’t do this. Edelgard is crying as she hears her father screaming for Byleth to get out of his house. The door slams, he looks at Edelgard with rage and disgust. He should slap his daughter with the Bible. He really should.
He keeps her home for a week. Makes a couple of phone calls. She’s going away to a place where she won’t be able to see Byleth. Catholic school couldn’t straighten her out, maybe the place she was going to could. A man and a woman with eerie smiles come to her house and tell her—you’ll be better soon, don’t worry—and drive her miles and miles away from home to a place with other kids her age. They all have the same sickness. The same sin that God burdened them with. Edelgard starts to hyperventilate when she realizes where she is and another person—with that same eerie smile—places a hand on her wrist and assures her that it’s going to be okay.
They tell her things like—your mother emasculated your father, that’s why you are a homosexual—or—your parent’s divorce left you confused and that’s why you sought comfort in the bosom of another woman. They force her to listen to their lies, while thinking what they are presenting is truth. Edelgard clutches her hands in her lap, wishing to feel the press of Byleth’s chest against her own again, her hands pushing up Edelgard’s uniform skirt… telling her things like—I love you, El.
What are your sins, Edelgard—more questions—you must confess.
Are you straight now? They will ask you when you come back from that place. Hollow eyed, beaten into silence, thinking yourself changed but you know the truth that still resides in your heart.
Her roommate is a girl named Petra.
Edelgard will think her odd at first; she’s not from around these parts. But, Petra tells her a story of her people, her lineage. Petra tells her things like, it’s okay to love someone who’s the same gender as you. She will tell Edelgard of people she’s never heard of before—people referred to as two spirit. There’s more to this life than the one the Christians have claimed. Different traditions speak truth to different ways of life. She tells Edelgard not to lose herself within the walls of this prison. One day they will see the light again.
Their light.
Edelgard feels like she’s been gone for months… but in truth, it’s only been three weeks. How long is this process supposed to continue for? Until your normal again.
Her father and mother visit her—together—and tell her that they’re doing this because they love her. They won’t want her to become another tainted soul in this world. They had thought that so many years of being involved in the church—sending her to Catholic school of all places—would have prevented something like this from happening. Edelgard looks up at them with hollowed out eyes. Love? They were doing this because they loved her? No. She knew love. And it came in the form of a silent smile and soft blue eyes. That was love. …And it was waiting for her… pleading for her to come back to it.
Petra speaks of leaving this place and Edelgard wants to know how? How else are they going to get out of here besides bending to the will of the people that have imprisoned them? Petra tells her that there’s another one—a boy that she’s become quite chummy with—that’s been looking into leaving as well.
Petra introduces her to Hubert during lunch one afternoon and the three of them sit, conspiring with one another, about how to get out of here. Should they run away? Should they simply bow to the demands of their captors? What are they going to do? They have people out there that love them, that are waiting for them. Edelgard asks Hubert of how he landed his way into this deplorable place and he tells her a story of a boy with red hair who he used to have study sessions with.
Ah, study sessions. Edelgard used to indulge in something similar with Byleth, didn’t she?
One foiled escape in the darkness of the night has Edelgard realizing that maybe this running away thing wasn’t exactly the smartest plan they could come up with. So, she plays the part. Pretends to abide by the rules set before her. I’m straight now. I no longer wish to indulge in my deviant homosexual ways.
Edelgard comes home after two and a half months in that place and immediately has eyes on her at all times. Her mother has gone missing, left town in the kerfuffle of the divorce and her daughter’s departure to become right again. Her father’s face grows more constricted and tight. How could their family ever come to this?
Ionius takes her to school, makes sure to pick her up after the last bell has rung for the day. She no longer has access to her phone; he’s taken that away, too. On her first Sunday back in church, everyone looks at her like a pariah—like they used to look at Byleth so long ago—and finds that the one person she’s been yearning to see… is gone. Where is she? Where is Byleth?
She chances talking to Jeralt, but he won’t even look Edelgard in the eye as he passes by her on that Sunday morning. A week passes, then another. She hears the whispers of the woman from the back row—the pastor’s daughter has left town. Edelgard wonders if she should care if she can’t mend her heart that’s broken apart into two. Byleth always said she wanted to get out of this town, didn’t she?
Maybe Edelgard was simply the catalyst for that.
Rocks hitting her window, how clichéd.
Edelgard glances at the time—12:34AM—she’s up late studying for a history exam she knows she’s going to fail in the morning. But those rocks just keep hitting her window and she wants to know who in the world could be disturbing her at this hour. Dorothea? No… she’s been kind of weird ever since Edelgard got back from that place. Then who…
She opens her curtains and her heart nearly leaps out of her chest when she sees who’s standing underneath her window. Byleth. She opens up the window and lets in the warm spring breeze. Byleth whispers for her to come down, but Edelgard shakes her head… she can’t come down and risk her father finding out what she’s doing. Byleth holds up her phone in the darkness of the night and points to it. Edelgard shakes her head, no, she no longer has access to that either. Byleth just stares up at her as Edelgard looks back at her with one of defeat—Don't worry, El, she’ll be back. When she figures out a way, she’ll be back.
What are they going to do?
Byleth is in church on Sunday, dressed like a proper young woman for once and the whole congregation is in an uproar.
Whispers, pointing, jeering. Jeralt pretends he doesn’t notice and allows his daughter to assume her rightful place in this house of God. His sermon that morning is on one about acceptance. He preaches to the church about the teachings of Paul and diversity in the Christian community. Edelgard feels like everyone is staring at her… but perhaps all of their eyes are directed on Byleth as well.
After the service is finished with, Ionius is quick to try and pull Edelgard out of the chapel, but Jeralt stops him—a word, please. As her father is pulled into his office, Edelgard is left alone with Byleth who tells her—El, we don’t have much time. Byleth pulls her out into sunshine and warmth, tells her to get in the car. They had things to discuss.
Byleth speaks of things like—emancipation, court proceedings, unwilling imprisonment—and Edelgard can see the plan already forming in her eyes. She’s going to liberate herself from her parents at the age of seventeen. She only has one more year until she’s an adult… but is Edelgard really willing to live her life like this? Does she even have the strength to go on? Edelgard throws her arms around Byleth’s shoulders and merely cries. No. No.
She won’t do this anymore.
The papers are served to Ionius while Edelgard is at school, but by time he comes around to get his daughter—she’s gone.
Edelgard is hiding underneath the sheets of the guest room as she hears her father screaming at Jeralt downstairs. Byleth places a comforting hand on her head as she hears things like—Where is my daughter? How could a man of the cloth accept the sexual deviance of his own daughter like this? If you don’t tell me where Edelgard is, I will call the police, I don’t care who you are.
Jeralt is calm in his response—is Ionius aware that he broke the law? Conversion therapy is illegal in their state. Would you really like to call the police and explain that to them, Ionius? I’m sure if Edelgard were around, she would love to give them a statement about the hell she just experienced while she was gone. I don’t condone homosexuality, but it’s not my place to judge. It’s God’s will. He’s the reason why your daughter is the way she is. He's the reason mine is the way she is too.
The door slams and Edelgard looks up at Byleth with worried eyes. Fear. Byleth strokes her hair gently—what did they do to you while you were in there, El? Edelgard shakes her head. She doesn’t want to talk about it. Doesn't want to think about it. Does Byleth even still love her, she—don’t you say that. She starts crying again and Byleth shushes her as she wipes her tears away.
It’s going to be okay.
The day before her seventeenth birthday, Edelgard is granted emancipation from her father. She’s been staying with Jeralt ever since that day that she left school with Byleth before her father could arrive and snatch her away again. Jeralt has made space for her in his home, but tells Edelgard that this is not a permanent situation. He’s here to help her get on her feet… but that’s all he can do for her. Edelgard thanks him for his kindness regardless.
Byleth is in and out, takes Edelgard away from her father’s house on the weekends. They go to Byleth’s place, a tiny one-bedroom apartment about an hours drive outside of town. She says to Edelgard when she finally turns eighteen… this can be her home, too. She’s got a new job now—working two in fact—but Edelgard dreams of the day when that will finally happen. She’s got college to think about, too, of course… but maybe she can find something closer to home… closer to Byleth.
She drops out of her Catholic school, as her parents are no longer paying her tuition and finishes her last year in a public school. Edelgard relishes in her sense of freedom, finally ridding herself of that stuffy uniform from the past three years. No nuns or priests yelling at her to recite her Hail Mary’s faster, clutch those rosary beads tighter. The kids at the public school are more rowdy, but she feels normal amongst them.
A normal teenage girl without some heavy cross to carry.
She doesn’t go to her graduation, doesn’t care about the school that she finishes her compulsory education at. Byleth is there waiting for her on the last day of school, grabs her by the hand and wiggles a shiny set of keys at her—these are for you, El.
A week later, Edelgard turns eighteen and she moves what little belongings she has out of Jeralt’s house and into Byleth’s apartment. They sleep on a mattress on the floor and eat Chinese food out of cartons by candlelight. Edelgard laughs at the incredulity of it all. They’re so poor and broke right now. But, it doesn’t matter, does it? Byleth pokes her chopsticks at Edelgard’s mouth and offers her a piece of chicken—no, it really doesn’t. She pulls a cupcake out from behind her, sticks a single candle into it and lights it. Happy birthday, Edelgard.
As Edelgard finishes the cupcake and licks frosting from her fingers, Byleth leans forward and kisses her gently. Byleth asks her if she’s ready for her birthday present? Edelgard pushes her onto that mattress on the floor—covered with her favorite stuffed teddy bear, two lumpy pillows, and black comforter—already intent on taking it before Byleth even tells her what it is.
Edelgard settles down into community college with a part time job at the coffee shop on campus. She figures she can do this for two years before transferring to a four-year university. And Byleth, she’s getting really good at that mechanic mess down at the auto shop—might turn that into a full time career if things keep up.
Time passes. The apartment starts looking more habitable. Byleth buys plants, Edelgard settles on some terrible art pieces she found at a garage sale on her way home from school one day. They finally get a proper bed and lift the mattress off the floor. No more sitting on the floor to watch TV or play video games. Sometimes the couch is way more comfortable than their bed, and Edelgard will fall asleep on top of Byleth after a long day on there instead.
During their free time, they take drives through the countryside and wander their way through places they’ve never been before. Edelgard’s taken an interest in photography lately and bought herself a shitty old camera down at the secondhand shop. It’s not the best… but it’s a start. She takes photos of everything. Sometimes their overexposed, out of focus, blurry… she still tries though. The more she does it, the better she’ll get.
It’s almost dusk when she asks Byleth to stop so she can take a picture of her. She brings the camera up to her face and stares at the girl she’s known all her life through the lens. Same silent smile, same soft blue eyes. She pulls away from the camera for a brief moment and just … stares at Byleth for a minute.
What, El? Is something wrong?
They sent her to Catholic school. They sent her to conversion therapy. They kept her locked inside that God forsaken church for so many years, and yet, for all their trying… she still fell in love with the pastor’s daughter.
Edelgard brings the camera back up to her face, smiles, and shakes her head.
No, Byleth. It’s nothing.
Fin.