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"I didn't expect Tsuzuru to have experienced one-sided love before."
"I've never made it past admiration from afar."
He cursed at himself for letting his mind go immediately to the feeling of the director's hands on his arms when she guides his movements during rehearsal.
"Ah, but maybe one-sided love is the best to experience," Itaru said, uncharacteristically mature.
"Wow, the words of an adult!"
"Focusing on gaming is too hard when you have a girlfriend."
"...truly, the words of a geek."
Tsuzuru knew that he shouldn't be entertaining these feelings. He could understand Masumi's feelings. Not to sound like he was forty years old instead of a college freshman, but Masumi was a growing kid. Tsuzuru knew better than to be feeling as strongly as Masumi did, yet he couldn't ever really let go of the idea of being with her.
Tsuzuru thought it was a passing crush. When the power went out in the theater at the autumn troupe's blocking rehearsals, however, Tsuzuru quickly realized that he was dead wrong. It was heavily raining outside and there were no signs of it stopping any time soon.
The realization that they'd be stuck together in the theater until morning dawned on them, and Tsuzuru was frustrated that he wasn't as opposed to the idea as he should be. Lighting struck, and the thunder that followed sounded alarmingly close. Izumi looked panicked
His body betrayed him when he moved closer to her and embraced her. What was he doing?
"It's okay, Director. My brothers always felt safer when I held them like this... and I would always tell them I'm here. They're safe."
He was already there. It wasn't like he could just let go of her upon realizing just what he was doing. He might as well go all-out. He started stroking her head— ah, her hair was so... soft. Her breathing calmed down and when he looked down, her eyes were shut.
His feelings overwhelmed him. While he was worried that maybe she'd wake up because his heart was beating right in and out of his chest, he couldn't take his eyes off of her sleeping face and imagining what it'd be like to wake up to that every day.
The feeling of her in his arms almost made him willing to try all her curry variants three times a day, 365 days a year. "Shit," he thought, "I'm too deep into this," and he was right. For him to vow to eat her curry all the time was a clear indicator of that.
His mind raced through all the times he felt like Izumi was just a little too close to him. Every time she complimented him, in and outside of theater. The times he'd almost let his feelings be known. He remembered the conversation he had with the rest of the Spring Troupe when Masumi was "rejected" by the director. What Itaru said left a sour taste in Tsuzuru's mouth. Unlike Itaru, Tsuzuru didn't have something he preferred to love. He didn't have gaming. He didn't care for an SSR card more than he wanted to feel loved and to give love. In short, he didn't agree with Itaru. It's not the best kind of love to experience. He would know after pining for friend after friend. Mizuno, Kazunari, and now Izumi.
It was ridiculous how he imagined introducing every person he was smitten with to his siblings. The way their faces would light up at the new addition to their big family. He yearned for this with Izumi, knowing damn well it'll never happen.
He looked at the director in his arms, heart aching. Being close to her like this was probably going to be the closest he'll come to anything his cursed mind stupidly wished to experience with her, so he cherished the moment, not noticing himself drifting to sleep.