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Breakup Over Insecurities

Summary:

Dean has never been happier than he is now with his long time boyfriend, Castiel. Then Cas pops the question and Dean decides to fuck everything up.

Work Text:

Dean stood by his car watching Cas's family help Cas pack stuff into boxes. Dean was hoping that by the time he came home they would all be gone but that wasn't the case. Now Dean had to fight the urge to yell at everyone to put it all back. To scream at Cas, beg him, to make it work but he knew this was for the best. Cas wanted a life with him. One with wedding rings, a house, and little munchkins running around them. Dean knew that already, he knew all along that it was Cas's end goal. He always wanted to be a father with a big family like his own. 

But Dean, as much as he wanted the same thing, he was scared. 

It has been 5 years since he found Cas, tucked away in the back of the library with papers scattered all over him and glasses falling off the edge of his nose. It was so easy to fall in love with that deep chuckled laugh and nose crinkled smile. Every day felt like time was speeding up or slowing down just for them and Dean knew that Cas was the one for him on their third date. 

Now the love of his life was leaving him for good. No more fights or discussions over this. No more waiting. No more relationship. 

They have been fighting for over a week because Dean has said no to Cas's proposal.

"I like what we have now? Why do we have to change that?"

"I like what we have too, Dean, but I want more! I want to be married to you!"

"I just-" Dean couldn't look at Cas as his own heart was breaking. "I can't."

Cas left that night. It was the first time Dean has slept alone in a bed over the course of their relationship and he didn't get a wink of sleep. Cas didn't stay the night for a whole week. Every time he would come over they only ever ended up fighting.

"Are you embarrassed of me?"

"No!" Dean quickly said wanting to pull Cas into a tight embrace but fought the urge since Cas has already told him not to touch him. "Sweetheart, that's not it."

"Then why, Dean? Why won't you marry me? Why won't you tell your family about me? My family loves you. My friends love you. Why is our family here not enough for you? Why am I not enough for you?"

"Cas," Dean scrubbed his face with his hand as he tried to figure out what to say. "My dad-"

"Don't give me that excuse, Dean! I know your Dad is a homophobic asshole but why do we have to, why do you have to, live up to his standards? Your mother will still love you! Sam will still love you! I will still love you!"

But Dean couldn't move past it. His father's words echoed in his brain, getting louder with every passing day that Cas was away.

Now he lost him.

Dean couldn't stand there anymore. Instead, he got back in his car and drove the two-hour drive to visit his little brother.

He must have looked as tired and defeated as he felt because the flash of concern that appeared on Sam's face as soon as he saw Dean was obvious.

"Dude, what the hell happened to you? You look...awful."

"Nice seeing you too, Sammy."

"Oh, sorry, I was just surprised is all. What are you doing here? Where's Cas?"

"Gone." Dean pushes pass Sam and walks into his apartment, headed to the fridge for a beer.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" Sam closes the door behind him and stalks after Dean for answers. "What did you do?"

Dean pops the cap off the beer and glared at his brother as he answered. "Nothing! He left because he wanted too." Then took a swig of the cheap beer wishing for something stronger but Sam doesn't keep any good stuff in his place.

Sam crosses his arms over his chest. "I doubt that. Dean, what happened?"

Sam looked at him with those big eyes of his and Dean thought, what the heck? Cas is gone so might as well come out and say it.

"He-he um," Nope it was too hard. He can't. He can't have his little brother look at him in disgust and disappointment. He can't risk losing his boyfriend and brother all in one night. So Dean shrugged. "I don't know what to tell you, Sam!"

"Did you two break up or something?" Sam said it so casually that it made Dean almost spit out his beer but he ended up choking on it instead. The bubbles going up to his nose as he coughed. Sam took a step towards him, ready to pat his back, but Dean took a step away from him as he held his hands up to stop his brother. 

"Break up?" He finally coughed out when he had enough air.

Sam only nodded, eyebrows scrunching together, as he frowned at Dean. "Or did you two just fight? I didn't think you guys fought much. You guys seemed like two sides of the same coin." He playfully added with a twitch of a smile.

"Sam, what the hell are you talking about? Cas and I aren't-" Dean tried his usual annoyed defense but Sam only looked at him with one eyebrow raised. As if saying 'really dean?' So Dean just sighed in defeat. "When the hell did you find out?"

"Five years ago."

"F-five- Sam! you knew the whole time?"

"Of course, I did! You're an idiot! Do you think I wouldn't notice my dumbass brother falling in love right in front of me? It was always 'Cas said this.' 'Cas did that.' If I wasn't so happy for you I would have punched you."

"This whole time I could have talked to you about...Then why didn't you tell me?"

"I was waiting for you to tell me!"

"And you don't...You don't think it's bad?"

"Bad? What that you like guys? No, of course not, Dean! Is that why you never told me? You think I wouldn't like it?"

"I was scared you would look at me differently. Act like-"

"Like Dad?" Dean only gave a stiff nod in response. "When have I ever agreed with anything Dad said? Dean, you're my big brother, and I support you no matter who you love. Plus, I like Cas."

"Yeah," Dean felt the lump in his throat as he put the beer down on the counter cause he'll be damn if he came out to his little brother and cry in front of him in the span of five minutes. "I liked him too."

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

So Dean does and he only got yelled at, again, for being a dumbass.

"You can't let Dad fuck with your life all the time, Dean! I know he's hurt you but you got move on from it or you're really gonna end up losing your one chance of happiness!"

"It's not that easy, Sam!"

"Stop making it difficult then! Care about your own damn self for once, Dean, and stop caring about what others think of you!"

"Cas is already gone anyway. So what's the point in standing up to Dad now!"

"Cause you know Cas isn't really gone, Dean. What he wants, you can still give him that. You can still do that for him. For both of you."

Dean thought it over for just a second, all he really needed is to picture Cas's laughing face, for him to nod in agreement. He looked back at his brother as he whispered, "Come with me?"

So Dean drove down to his parent's house with his brother by his side.

Mom opened the door, and just like Sam, the happy smile turned into concern. 

"Mom? Dad? I need to talk to you both." Dean finally said as he sat his parents down on the couch. Sam stood behind the couch with a comforting smile and gives Dean the thumbs up to continue.

So he did. He got everything off his chest.

There was a lot of yelling. A lot more crying. Followed by more yelling and Dean having to stop Sam from landing a punch on his Dad. All in all, it ended much better than Dean thought. Dad only kicked them out of the house and told them not to show their faces to him again. 

Dean expected to feel anything but relieved but it was such an overwhelming feeling that when Dean got back in the car with his brother he just started to laugh or cry he wasn’t sure which one but the load off his back was gone. His dad's voice was gone. He was free from him. 

When Dean got his head to focus again he drove straight home, hoping Cas would still be there. 

And there in the steps of their rented shared place sat Cas, with one last box by his side but nobody else was there. 

Cas got up as soon as Dean parked and he looked angry, annoyed, but then confused when he saw Sam getting out of the passenger seat. The words Cas probably wanted to yell out at Dean were swallowed down and replaced with, "Sam? What are you doing here?"

Sam shrugged with a big grin on his face. "Dean dragged me out here for some reason."

"Dean?" Cas looked annoyed because he thought Sam didn't know about them so he can't act like a mad boyfriend in front of him. "What's going-?"

Cas didn't have time to finish his sentence as Dean closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together into a hard kiss. Cas was shocked by his action that he pulled away quickly, not taking a step back, but looked at Dean with wide eyes. "D-Dean?"

His eyes rested on Sam as if to remind him that he was there but Sam only chuckled. 

"He knows already, Sweetheart."

"He does? You-you told him?"

"No, he already knew apparently but he made me see how stupid I have been. Hiding you away instead of showing you off."

"Dean but your father-"

"Screw him!" Dean cheerfully said. "He told me I was dead to him and I'm just gonna return the favor. Now he won't get a chance to meet his grandkids."

"Grandkids!"

"I mean if you still want to have some!"

"I-I do." Cas blushing cheeks and growing smile

"Then let's have a whole band of kids."

Cas chuckled and nodded. "Sounds like a good plan."

"Cas, can you ask me again? I want to change my answer. A do-over so ask me again. Please."

Cas eyes soften up as he reached to take Dean’s hand, taking a step forward, as he looked back at Dean with a little hesitation but with all the love in the world. "Dean, will you marry me?"

"Yes." Dean answered just as Cas finished, making him laugh and it made Dean’s stomach flip. He couldn’t imagine living his life without him. “Yes. Yes. Fuck yes, I’ll marry you.”