Archive of Our Own ^beta

Kim Hyunjin is the weirdest person Heejin has ever met in her entire life.

The rest of her high school class would also agree.

She’s all blank stares, random animal noises that sound a little too realistic for a human to make, and comments during class that are super ominous and only slightly related to the subject at hand. Heejin has known of her since middle school and she’s been the same since. A part of her – a very deep, secret part of her that she would never tell anyone about – wishes that she knew how to talk to Hyunjin so she could understand her, but to no avail.

Heejin sighs as she watches said girl walk across the parking lot from her car to the school building, face blank as ever and back perfectly straight. Her brothers trail behind her, much livelier than her as they walk and play fight.

Hopefully it’s the only straight thing about her-

“Woah, what the fuck Heejin! Jesus, get yourself together, fucking idiot”

That was definitely not what she expected her first thought of Hyunjin to be today.

.

.

Not that she thinks about Hyunjin every day.

.

.

Okay so maybe she thinks about Hyunjin every day. So what! As long as she keeps her thoughts to herself it’s not like it really matters.

Besides, it’s not like she’s gonna manifest it into some sort of crush…on accident…Hopefully.

She’s a millisecond away from straying away in her thoughts again when a knock on her car window startles her out of her trance.

And also causes her to jolt and spill her iced americano all over her brand-new white flannel.

“Oh, for the love of- “

“Yah! Jeon Heejin! We’re gonna be late for homeroom let’s go!”

She shoots the culprit a threatening glare – of course it’s Chaewon – and grumbles as she gathers her bag and the last few napkins from her glovebox.

“Jeez, who pissed in your galbitang this morning?”

Heejin sends her another glare as she hikes her bag up onto her shoulders and starts walking towards their school, “I had coffee and pastries this morning, thank you very much. Not everyone is a stereotypical Korean like you, Chae. And I was having a wonderful morning actually, until you decided to scare the shit out of me and made me spill my coffee all over my brAND NEW WHITE FLANNEL”

Chaewon has the audacity to look just a little sorry, but that emotion never stays long on Park Chaewon and soon enough she’s giggling and looping her arm around Heejin’s.

Heejin just rolls her eyes, “You’re lucky I love you”

“Of course you do, everyone loves me!”

Heejin tries to come up with a response that’s equal parts sarcastic and demeaning, really tries, but it’s pointless as she sees the rest of their friend group out of her peripheral vision. She doesn’t even need to look to see them, honestly, they’re loud enough as it is.

She can hear Junguen and Jinsoul bickering loudly to each other, as well as Jiwoo and Sooyoung singing a very loud and offkey rendition of Sunmi’s new single. Haseul is, of course, reprimanding Yeojin for something she did earlier and Vivi is trying her best to handle the whole group and quiet them down before they all enter the building. Chaewon mutters something under her breath before detaching herself from Heejin and practically sprinting towards Hyejoo and Yerim.

Heejin sighs heavily.

It’s gonna be a long day.

-

If there was anything Heejin hated more than her daily classes, it would be her daily classes without Hyunjin.

At this point, one would probably wonder if Heejin had an obsession with Hyunjin. She would deny it of course, as anyone would. It’s not really an obsession, more a fascination per se.

How does a girl like Hyunjin – pretty, smart, athletic – end up with such an odd personality?

Heejin wishes she could remember more of her time in middle school, maybe something back then would explain how Hyunjin ended up the way she is. Not that her personality was a bad thing, but she was definitely the odd one out.

The point is, everyone thinks Kim Hyunjin is weird and a freak.

Heejin just thinks she has a unique personality.

And she really wishes she had a class with her so there would be some kind of incentive to get to know her, even just a little bit. She’s only put most of her personality together through rumors and gossip from others.

But alas, the world is out to get Jeon Heejin and forces her to watch in silence as Hyunjin walks down the halls to her next class, silent and calm as ever. She doesn’t even spare a glance at anyone, and Heejin has tried more often than not to use what little brain power she has to get Hyunjin to look at her.

“What are you moping about now?”

Heejin rolls her eyes and pulls her lunch closer to her when she notices Chaewon peering over, “I’m not moping”

“Your defeated puppy face would say otherwise”, Jungeun says off-handedly, raising her kimchi up to Jiwoo’s waiting mouth.

“I do not look like a defeated-“

“SORRY WE’RE LATE EVERYONE”

Heejin flinches at the volume of Yeojin’s voice – you’d think she would be used to it by now, but no amount of preparation can help when it comes to Yeojin – but also thanks the distraction as Yeojin and Yerim come flying into the cafeteria and into their seats.

Hyejoo practically screeches and holds her arms out when she sees Yerim, and Chaewon moves a seat over so that Yerim is in between them.

Heejin has never understood the trio’s relationship, but they make it work and she guesses that’s all that matters.

“Okay everyone, I have tea”, Yeojin says as she stands behind her sister.

The group collectively oohs and ahs, all leaning in closer to listen in.

“You all know how I’m taking that elective class with Jeong that’s infamous for being an easy A course? Well I didn’t think it was important to mention it before, but I have it with Kim Hyunjin”

Heejin perks up at the mention of Hyunjin’s name, wondering what exactly she has to do with Yeojin and her “tea”.

“Please tell me she said some out of pocket shit again”, Chaewon practically begs.

“No, even worse! We were watching that new movie, Joker, and obviously it’s a really crazy and not funny movie, but there was a scene when the Joker guy starts laughing and the whole class is dead silent, except...”

Everyone groans, “Except?”  

“Hyunjin started laughing with him! Like some kind of maniac!”

“I knew it, she has to be crazy!

“I bet you she’ll grow up to be a psychopath or something like that”

The thing about Kim Hyunjin is that everyone knows her, but nobody is actually friends with her. Heejin doesn’t remember when it started, maybe it’s been that way ever since they were younger. She’d been a strange character in middle school just like everyone else who was trying to figure out who they were in the world, but unlike everyone else who eventually started to even out and find their footing, Hyunjin just never did. It was hard for anyone to stay away from the rumors about her, no matter how hard she tried, Heejin always got the blunt end of the stick and had to listen to her growing friend group gossip about their classmate.

Heejin never joined in, she never understood why anyone would say anything bad about Hyunjin. Yeah, she was a little weird with her off-handed comments and her trademark stare that was…very empty and intimidating and kind of like she was trying to blow your head up with her mind. But Hyunjin was smart, she was near the top of their class (Heejin only knew this because she used to be close with their principal before she transferred to a different school) and was one of the best players on their school soccer team. Not to mention she was gorgeous and always had been.

“Wait, what if she’s some kind of robot thing that the government created and sent here to like, experiment, or something?”

“I remember a lot of people calling her Hyunjin-bot last year. Maybe she was part of some freak accident and the only way to keep her alive was to put her into a different body or something”

Heejin’s blood starts to boil at how ridiculous her friends are being and makes sure to lace her words with enough venom to make it final, “Don’t call her that”

All heads turn to her, some surprised and some apprehensive. Her body starts heating up at the attention, but she’s not going to show any signs of weakness right now. She knows her friends’ opinions of Hyunjin and this definitely isn’t the first time they’ve had a gossip session about her and the rumors that go around.

Heejin may not be friends with Hyunjin, but she knows enough about the girl to want to defend her when people start talking behind her back.

Her friends are no exception.

When the silence stretches on Heejin takes it as an opportunity to finally get her friends to stop gossiping about her, “You don’t know anything about her, you have no right to talk shit about her. All you know is gossip and rumors, you’re all being incredibly immature”

She watches as they all share looks with each other, save for Sooyoung who continues to maintain eye contact with her, “So, what? You know her any better than the rest of us? Last I checked you weren’t friends with her either”

Oh for the love of god, “I don’t have to be friends with her to know it’s wrong to talk shit about her”

Heejin can feel her jaw getting sore from clenching it so hard, but she isn’t going to just let this go. Sooyoung hasn’t broken eye contact with her, and she can see the rest of her friends blushing and clearing their throats in embarrassment.

She thinks the conversation is finally over, but then Chaewon pipes up next to her, voice laced with trouble, “Why are you so adamant to stand up for her?”

She scoffs, “Are you seriously asking me why I’m standing up for someone?”

“I’m just wondering what’s so special about her to you that you wanna argue with your best friends”

“I’m not arguing with you!”

“Your tone could have fooled me”

“You have a crush on her, don’t you?”

.

.

Now that…

Well.

Uh oh.

Heejin’s mouth opens and closes like a gaping fish, eyes flicking back and forth between her friends, “I do not- I, no, I do not have…You’re all being fucking ridiculous!”

“How about this. You become friends with Kim Hyunjin and show us some redeeming qualities about her and we’ll stop gossiping about her”, Sooyoung smirks and leans back in her seat, looking like she’s just won a million bucks.

Heejin stands in her seat, pointing a finger at her friend, “That is so fucked up, Sooyoung. Neither of us owe you anything!”

“Yeah, that’s kinda messed up Sooyoung”, Haseul finally pipes in, thank god, and Heejin can see the gears turning in Sooyoung’s head.

After a moment of silence, she finally sighs and unfolds her arms, “Fine. You’re right. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that”

Silence falls over the table again, and Heejin watches as Yeojin very awkwardly takes her seat and avoids any eye contact with Haseul.

Sooyoung is still looking at her though, and Heejin has a bad feeling that this isn’t the end.

“You totally have a crush on her”

A frustrated groan escapes her throat, “I do not have a crush on Kim Hyunjin”

Sooyoung squints at her, fingers tapping diligently on the table. Heejin feels like she’s being interrogated now and once again, all eyes are on her.

“Prove it”

She whips her head to the right where Chaewon is looking smugly at her, but she can see Yerim and Hyejoo exchange a look and warily shrug at Heejin.

“I don’t have to prove anything to you”

Chaewon rolls her eyes, “Ugh yeah yeah blah blah blah. I don’t believe you, so prove it”

Heejin glances around the table again and curses the universe for giving Chaewon her stupid princess personality. Of course Heejin is going to have to prove it, Chaewon always gets what she wants one way or another. How exactly is she supposed to prove it though? It’s easy to prove that you do have a crush on someone, but what about when you don’t have a crush?

Heejin’s freshman social class didn’t prepare her for this.

“Um..”

Everyone is looking at her expectantly now, like she already has the solution to this stupid ass problem.

There are three things Heejin can do.

1. Ignore her friends and continue on like nothing ever happened.

2. Come up with a lame excuse and endure the teasing she’s sure will come after not being able to prove she doesn’t have a crush.

3. Do something really, really stupid.

Seeing as she’s on a time crunch, she does the first thing that comes to mind.

She stands up in her seat again and scans the cafeteria for Hyunjin’s signature yellow hoodie.

At first glance, she doesn’t see her anywhere, but after remembering Hyunjin’s status at school she looks at the edges of the cafeteria and spots her at the far right side near the wall.

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, preparing herself for the shame and embarrassment she’s about to endure.

“YAH, KIM HYUNJIN!”

The entire cafeteria stops and collectively looks her way, but she waits until Hyunjin is looking directly at her.

When she finally does her eyes are wide and alert but there’s still no signs of any emotions other than confusion. Heejin feels warmth in her stomach as they look at each other and she starts to lose her confidence.

It’s then she realizes this is the first time that Hyunjin has ever looked at her in the eyes, and that fact makes her palms sweaty and heart race.

A tiny cough next to her snaps her back to reality though.

She gathers up what’s left of her courage and looks Hyunjin right in the eyes as she yells, “YOUR PLACE AFTER SCHOOL, I’LL DRIVE”

The room is still dead silent, but as eyes shift back and forth between Heejin and Hyunjin, she can hear some people already starting to whisper but she keeps her eyes locked on Hyunjin.

Heejin can’t tell what exactly she’s thinking, her eyes keep glancing between her and her friend group, mouth slightly agape. It’s not for another silent and painful minute that Hyunjin finally closes her mouth and looks back at Heejin, head shaking in agreement.

-

“I don’t see how this proves you don’t have a crush on her”

It’s been a long, long day.

After the commotion in the cafeteria, Heejin is sure her status in school dropped from mid-range to very, very low. People have been whispering and glancing at her all day long, some even avoiding her altogether. Her friends haven’t stopped making fun of her either, and she hasn’t seen Hyunjin since she sat back down in her seat.

“My god, Chae, you’re so lucky I’m too afraid of your girlfriend to beat the living shit out of you”, Heejin grumbles.

“Like you would beat the shit out of me anyway, fucking wimp”, she flicks the blonde hair out of her face to complete her character, “Wait, which one?”

Heejin rolls her eyes, “Yerim”

“That doesn’t make any sense”

“She may be all rainbows and sunshine on the outside, but I know deep down she’s got some sort of darkness that’s waiting for the perfect moment to rise up. And I’m definitely not gonna volunteer myself as bait”

“But Hyejoo-“

“I’ll throw hands with Hyejoo, no second thought”

Chaewon just gapes at her.

“You didn’t answer my question though”

“I wasn’t aware you had asked me one”, Heejin replies smugly as they reach their group's section of the parking lot.

Heejin likes to park a couple of spots away from them, mostly because she doesn’t trust Jiwoo or Yerim behind the wheel and isn’t going to risk a damaged paint job just because she parked close to them.

“You’re an asshole, Jeon Heejin. You have a crush on her, just admit it and we can all be on our ways!”

Heejin lets a couple tsk’s out as she opens her trunk and throws her bag in, “See, I absolutely would admit it-“

“I knew it!”

“-If I had a crush on her. Which I don’t. Which is why I’m going to hang out with her. Because if I had a crush on her, we all know I wouldn’t be able to be in the same room as her without being a nervous wreck”

Chaewon’s tiny fists ball up at her side, shoulders tensing and eyes shooting daggers at Heejin.

Heejin just beams at her.

“Okay, Chae, enough terrorizing Heejin for today”, Yerim says as she comes up behind her and laces their hands together.

“Yeah, you promised us we’d finally go on a date to the new Korean BBQ downtown!”

Chaewon’s entire body sags when Hyejoo comes up on her other side, also intertwining their hands.

“You’re lucky I’m in a loving relationship, Jeon Heejin. Otherwise, I’d be freely kicking your ass without anyone to stop me”

Heejin gags at the trio and waves them away. The last thing she needs is a constant reminder of how single she is.

Hopefully not for long.

“YA! Heejin, jesus!”

She gives herself a smack on the hand for that one, too occupied with reprimanding herself to notice the new presence in front of her watching amusingly.

“If they didn’t know any better, people would think you’re the weird one for talking to yourself”

Heejin yelps – screeches really – at the sudden intrusion and finds herself laying completely against the side of her car, arms outstretched and everything. And if the jump scare wasn’t enough, realizing that Kim Hyunjin is in front of her, looking and speaking at her, on purpose, causes her heart to pick up at an incredible speed and she’s sure the sweat on her palms and butterflies in her stomach are there to stay.

“Jesus, Hyunjin. A warning would be nice”

The girl in front of her chuckles, chuckles, “You seemed a little preoccupied”

In any other situation Heejin would have laughed, because damn she’s only been talking to this girl for maybe a minute and she’s figured out she’s funny as hell.

This, however, is not any other situation.

It’s the situation, she realizes, because what the fuck is she gonna do with Kim Hyunjin for the rest of the day?

At Heejin’s silence, the smile fades from Hyunjin’s face, “Um, sorry”

Oh my god, Heejin! One fucking minute and you’ve already managed to hurt her feelings, pull it together you absolute bafoon!

“NO”, Hyunjin flinches at the volume and Heejin continues to reprimand herself for having horrible social skills, “Sorry, no, um. It was funny. It’s just…”

“Just me who said it?”

Heejin frowns deeply, “No! No, it has nothing to do with you. It’s just me, I’m stupid and kind of tired and…yeah”

Heejin watches the sadness dissipate from her face and allows herself to relax a little bit. The air is still tense though, but she assumes that’s just because this is the first real interaction she’s ever had with Hyunjin and, so far, it could be better. She’s about to ask what Hyunjin would like to do when she catches the girl staring at the coffee stain on her flannel.

“I’m not dirty, I promise! It’s all stupid Park Chaewon’s fault-“

“Is it coffee?”

“Uh, yes. Why?”

Heejin has no time to react when Hyunjin invades her personal space and suddenly there are hands on her shoulders, pushing the flannel off her body and leaving her in just her t-shirt. She gapes at Hyunjin, who is too busy examining the stain to notice the state of shock Heejin is in.

She just took my clothes off. Oh my god, Kim Hyunjin just took my shirt off holy shit-

“When did this happen?”

Heejin chokes on her words, “This morning”

She makes a noise of disapproval in the back of her throat before walking to the trunk of Heejin’s car and pulling her backpack off her body and rummaging through it. Heejin just stands there and watches, still hot and blushing.

Heejin assumes she’s found what she wants when she makes a happy noise – so fucking cute – and watches as she pulls out a container of-

“Salt? You just carry around a box of salt with you everywhere?”

Hyunjin nods, “I love iced americano”

That has literally nothing to do with-

A lightbulb goes off in her head.

“Me too! Do you- Uh. Would you, maybe, like to…um-”

“Yes, I’ll get coffee with you Jeon Heejin”

She says it without even looking up from…whatever it is that she’s doing with her salt and, water? But Heejin can still hear the amusement in her voice. The butterflies in her stomach are relentless in flapping their wings, especially after hearing the way her name rolls off of Hyunjin’s tongue like butter.

“Okay, cool. Uh, where do you live, exactly?”

“Across the street from you”

“Oh, okay so that means we can- wait, WHAT?”

Hyunjin finally looks up and is honest to god laughing – my god if I had known her laugh sounded like that I would have brought defibrillators or something – at Heejin.

“You’re not a very observant person, are you?”

At this point Heejin is fed up with being the only one who isn’t cracking jokes, so she crosses her arms and juts her chin out in defiance, “Actually, I consider it living in the moment, thank you very much”

Hyunjin laughs again – butterflies please please PLEASE STOP IM GOING TO THROW UP – and returns to Heejin’s flannel, picking it up and giving it a shake before handing it back over, “There, it’s not all out but the rest should come out when you wash it”

Heejin examines the flannel and, to her surprise, sees that the stain is practically completely out and mostly unnoticeable, “Thank you, Hyunjin. I appreciate it a lot”

At the smile that spreads across Hyunjin’s face, Heejin finally allows herself one as well. She clears her throat when they spend an ungodly amount of time smiling at each other and motions for Hyunjin to get into her car. When she’s turned the opposite way, Heejin makes a quick motion that says Please God Or Whoever Help Me I Am In Pain. She takes a grounding breath and opens her door, carefully taking her place behind the wheel.

She catches movement in the corner of her eye and looks to the left where she should find empty parking spaces, but instead sees her entire friend group watching her.

Uh oh. They definitely saw all of that.

She whips her head back to face forward and grabs her phone from her pocket.

6 New Messages From 10 Clowns And Their Friend Haseul

princess chae: already taking your clothes off? she sure does move fast ;)

choerry: im sorry Heejin, but that was the most awkward interaction ive ever seen in my life

jindori: That was almost as bad as when Sooyoung and I first started talking. Good luck, kiddo.

annoying orange: Haseul won’t say it here but she’s also praying for your return from your horribly awkward date

momseul: Im Yeojin I’m going to beat your ass the second we get home!

annoying orange: why are you texting the groupchat???, im right here???

Heejin locks her phone and throws it into the backseat with a huff, ignoring Hyunjin’s curious gaze. She turns her car on and shifts into drive, but not before turning back to the left and sending the bird to her friends, who, might she add, are STILL watching her.

She shakes her head when they all fall into laughter, focusing instead on getting out of the parking lot and to the nearest coffee shop, “Since you somehow live across the street from me, we can stop by Starbucks on the way and-“

“Oh, hell no”

“Eh?”

Hyunjin crosses her arms, “You seriously get your coffee from Starbucks? What are you, some kind of fake coffee connoisseur or something?”

Heejin lets out a mock scoff, “Uh, no. I’m a broke high school student with no life and no job”

(She takes it as a victory when Hyunjin giggles under her breath.)

“You’re ridiculous, Jeon Heejin”, as they roll to a stop at a stoplight, Heejin watches as Hyunjin types something into Google Maps and places her phone into the holder on her dashboard.

Heejin has to squint to see the name, “Garden of…Eden? What is that?”

“One out of two of the best coffee shops this shithole town has to offer. It’s much cheaper and much better than Starbucks”

Heejin hums out a response as the GPS tells her where to go. They drive in silence for the entirety of the trip, but Heejin doesn’t feel uncomfortable or tense at all. If anything, she enjoys the silence, it lets her focus on the road in front of her as well as the tiny movement that Hyunjin makes in her seat.

Her hands are folded on top of each other in her lap, but her head never stops moving to look around. They lock eyes more than once and Heejin always finds herself smiling and relaxing deeper into the atmosphere.

They arrive at Garden of Eden after driving for ten more minutes, and Heejin is beginning to feel a little dreadful. They’re downtown but she’s never heard of or seen this coffee shop despite the fact that this is her group's main hang out spot. She keeps looking around, trying to figure out where exactly the coffee shop is but there aren’t any signs anywhere, not even a banner on the long stretch of buildings down the main road.

“Are you just gonna sit there and stare? Come on!”

Heejin has been too busy scoping out the area to realize Hyunjin is already out of the car and waiting on the sidewalk in front of the car. She makes a fool of herself as she scrambles to get out of her car, even going as far as knocking her head on the door frame as she practically falls out.

“Are you always this clumsy?”

Heejin glares, “Yes”

Hyunjin doesn’t seem to expect the answer, her eyes widen in surprise but she’s laughing soon enough, turning around and walking away down the sidewalk.

Heejin follows suit, staying back a few paces so that she’s not invading her space.

They walk down the sidewalk for a bit until they reach the end of the long strip mall and turn the corner. Heejin expects it to be the end of the line, not to open up to a large shaded area with tables and lights everywhere.

“What the fuck?”

Hyunjin turns back to look at her, eyebrow raised.

Heejin just flaps her hands around for a second, “What? What is this? Is this new? I swear to god I’ve never seen this before, and I’m always here. What the fuck?”

Hyunjin laughs again, shaking her head as they come to a door on the right side of the walls. A tiny sign above the door glows in bright red ‘Garden of Eden Café’. She opens the door for Heejin, who takes her time walking into the tiny shop.

There are plants everywhere.

Hanging from the ceiling, installed into the wall, on the ground in the corners, and even crawling up the walls in the form of vines and…moss?

The café has a calming atmosphere though. The light from the windows lights it up, for the most part, the only light coming from the kitchen and behind the bar where the baristas work. There’s plenty of tables inside, even some worn out couches and a raised stage in the back corner.

“Oh, wow”

Hyunjin hums and nods her head as she comes up next to Heejin, “Yeah”

Heejin is happy to continue taking in the scenery, but a cheerful voice from behind the counter catches her attention, “Hello! Welcome to Garden of Eden Café! What can I- Oh shit”

Heejin is two seconds away from blowing up into the sky and never returning.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

She stomps up to the counter where one of her best friends is hiding from her, baseball cap pulled down over her face and hand shielding her face away.

“Um, ahem, uh, I have no idea what you’re talking about”

Heejin glares, hands gripping the wooden counter until her knuckles turn white, “Jiwoo”

The red-headed girl sighs and places her hands on her hips, head hanging in shame, “Please don’t tell anyone that I work here”

Heejin is the embodiment of ??? as Jiwoo comes up to the counter, face fully in view now.

“Why does it have to be a secret?”

Jiwoo rolls her eyes, “Well if you couldn’t already tell, our friend group is kind of big and a little overbearing sometimes. This is a literal hole in the wall that only the ~edgy kids~ come to. I need a break sometimes, too, okay?”

Heejin has had a lot of fucked up things happen to her today.

First, there’s the tragedy of her poor flannel and its arch nemesis, Park Chaewon. And then there was more Park Chaewon, and Im Yeojin and her stupid tea. And then everything her friends said to her, and the things they said about Hyunjin.

But the thing about Jeon Heejin is that she’s the bigger person.

So she just nods her head and steps back alongside Hyunjin, who has been silently watching the interaction.

Jiwoo turns to Hyunjin, a tired smile forming, “Hi Hyunjin. You want the usual?”

Heejin’s eyes practically pop out of their sockets for the umpteenth time that day, “You know each other?”

“Hyunjin comes here like, every day. She’s practically the only thing keeping this business alive”

“And you just let what happened today, happen? Just like that? Despite this? Jiwoo please make this make sense”

At the mention of their group gossip, Jiwoo widens her eyes like a deer in headlights, “Uh…”

“What happened today?”

Hyunjin’s sudden question throws her for a loop. She hadn’t really thought that sentence out before it came out. Then again, she’s not exactly used to talking about Hyunjin in front of Hyunjin.

“Um”, Heejin gapes, looking to Jiwoo for some help, “N-Nothing, nothing happened, really-“

Heejin watches in a lot of internal pain as every good emotion slowly slides from Hyunjin’s face until she’s back to her usual stone stupor. Jiwoo mumbles a quiet ‘Uh oh’, stealthily slinking off to the other side of the counter as Heejin continues to struggle with her words.

Hyunjin tilts her head at her, frowning slightly, “This is a joke, isn’t it? What we’re doing right now. It was a bet, or a joke, or something like that, right?”

“What? No! No, no, not at all, they were just- “

“Making fun of you for something that eventually led to you asking me to hang out with you to prove something? Am I close enough?”

“Well- yes, but, that doesn’t mean- “

“You know, I really thought you would be different, Heejin. I had such a strong feeling that you would turn out to be better than the rest of them”

Heejin has completely lost her footing in this conversation, “No, Hyunjin, that’s not what is happening- “

“Then what exactly is happening?”

It’s so accusatory, so full of pain and confusion, something that is slowly starting to emerge in Hyunjin’s eyes. It’s then that Heejin understands; Hyunjin is lonely, and for good reason. Their entire high school class has alienated her to isolation, what reason does she have to trust that Heejin is being truthful? That she’s not being malicious? That this isn’t just some sick joke?

Hyunjin is lonely, and Heejin wants to change that.

There are no words she can say to the girl in front of her, who’s eyes have started to grow a slight shimmer to them. What exactly is it that they’re doing? Heejin wouldn’t call it a date, she’s sure Hyunjin wouldn’t either considering it’s literally the first time they’ve ever had any interaction. A friendly outing? That would insinuate that they’re friends, which they’re definitely not.

She thumbs it over in her head over and over, and she can’t find any words to prove that she’s being truthful, can’t find any words that would explain how this really is what Hyunjin thinks it is, just without the really sick joke part.

So, she uses her actions instead. If she can’t tell her the truth, she’ll just show her instead.

“Jiwoo, I’d like two iced americanos, please”

She turns away from Hyunjin, staring hard at Jiwoo until the girl nods and immediately gets to work. She doesn’t dare take a look at the girl beside her, afraid that her tough demeanor will fade the second they make eye contact. Instead, she waits until Jiwoo is done, pays for the coffee (and leaves a huge tip for Jiwoo as well), hands one to Hyunjin, and then marches towards the door.

When she opens the door and looks back to see Hyunjin just standing there, she takes a leap of faith and raises her eyebrow, “You just gonna stand there and stare? Come on!”

It takes a couple of seconds, but soon enough a small smile stretches across her face and she follows Heejin out of the coffee shop.

-

It’s a little awkward at first, trying to find her footing in conversation again. The insinuations hang over both of their heads, but Heejin is determined to prove to Hyunjin that she’s serious.

She doesn’t answer Hyunjin’s questions of where they’re going and just sips on her coffee – which is fucking delicious, why hadn’t she been notified of this place earlier? – as she drives through town and towards a very popular, scenic spot.

Hyunjin stops asking once she seems to realize where they’re headed, and soon enough the car is silent again, save for the quiet music playing through the car speakers.

They eventually arrive at their town’s river, grabbing a good parking spot close to the water but far enough so that they have a nice, scenic walk. They climb out of the car, Heejin a little apprehensive but still determined, and starts to make her way down to the edge of the water where there’s plenty of benches to sit on. The water lapping up against the shore is a nice sound, as well as the increasing sound of bugs as they get farther from the street and more towards nature.

Heejin takes a seat on one of the benches, waiting patiently as Hyunjin takes in her surroundings and settles onto the bench with wide eyes.

“I’ve never been to the river before”, she supplies.

Heejin just smiles, “I’m glad I could be the person to show it to you”

If Heejin knew any better she would say a faint tint of blush rises to Hyunjin’s cheeks, but she blames it on the setting sun and the shade of the trees around them.

They sit in silence, both taking in the environment around them. There are some birds still singing as they settle into their homes, even an owl that’s starting to hoot a little farther down the river. Luckily there are no bugs out, so Heejin is left to her devices in the calm silence.

After a while of thinking and turning words over and over in her head, she decides to speak up, “You know I don’t think of you that way, right?”

Hyunjin widens her eyes at the sudden question, eyebrows pinching together, “In what way?”

Heejin sighs, “In the way our classmates do, the way my friends do. I don’t think you’re weird or a freak or whatever they call you. I think you’re just you, and it’s unfair to you that you have to go through this alone”

It’s probably the deepest thing she’s ever said to anyone, really. Heejin isn’t much for deep talks and words, she’d much rather just show what she feels instead. But she’s heard that Hyunjin is a water sign so she might as well just put on her big girl pants and vocalize her feelings for once.

Hyunjin hasn’t said anything yet, just keeps staring at Heejin with the blankest face ever.

It makes Heejin a little uncomfortable, she really can’t tell what the other girl is thinking, “A-And I want you to know this isn’t a joke. Yeah, they were making fun of me, and yeah I asked you to hang out to prove something to them, but not as a joke. I’ve been wanting to be your friend for years now, I’ve just been too scared to say anything, really. I want to be your friend, for real. No sick jokes here”

Hyunjin remains quiet, but Heejin can see her eyes darting across her face, trying to find any signs that Heejin is lying to her.

Little does she know that Heejin is always an open book.

They spend the rest of their time talking and conversing about the first things that come to their heads, and honestly, Heejin doesn’t think she’s ever carried on a conversation this long with anyone before.

Once it starts to get dark outside and the mosquitos make their way out, they decide to head back home. Heejin parks in her own driveway but follows Hyunjin to her house.

“Just ignore my brothers, they’re just airheads who like to pick on people in really weird ways. My mom isn’t too crazy or anything, but don’t mention anything about school or she’ll never stop asking you questions about what you’re gonna do with your life. My dad probably isn’t home, he works late nights at his research center on Fridays”

It’s then Heejin realizes she’s about to meet Hyunjin’s family. Like, formally.

Oh god, what if I say the wrong thing? How am I supposed to avoid the school subject, that’s like, literally impossible! And her brothers? I’m definitely not good with getting picked on in “weird ways”, oh god, I can’t do this there’s no way I can-

“Mom! Come meet Heejin!”

She gulps, forcing all turmoil down as she hears Hyunjin’s mother rustle around in another room.

“Heejin? You mean the one from across the street? You finally got her over here?”

She finally comes around the corner, and Heejin completely understands where Hyunjin’s beauty comes from.

She looks like a carbon copy, same little features, and everything.

Heejin puts on her best front and smiles widely, bows at the woman before her, and waits for her to reach out her hand for a handshake.

Except, she never does, and suddenly she’s being pulled into the tightest hug she’s ever received. And that’s saying a lot, especially with Jiwoo as a friend.

“It’s so good to finally meet you, Heejin! We’ve lived across from each other for so long, I figured we would have met before this but, oh well! Hyunjin talks a lot about you, actually- “

Heejin raises an eyebrow and watches as Hyunjin interrupts her mother immediately, shooing her away and mumbling on about going upstairs amongst other things Heejin can’t make out.

As Hyunjin pulls her up the stairs she looks back, trying to give a forgiving smile, “Stay as long as you’d like, Heejin! Our house is always open to you!”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kim!”

Hyunjin pulls on her harder, practically dragging her up the stairs.

They finally make it to the top, but Heejin was expecting to keep going and loses her footing at the top and goes tumbling into Hyunjin’s arms.

“Jeez, Heejin! You really are the clumsiest person I’ve ever met”, Hyunjin stands her back up like she weighs nothing and starts walking down the hall, presumably to her room.

Heejin follows suit, taking in all the family pictures spread across the walls. She lets out a little ‘aw’ at a particular picture of baby Hyunjin, but she receives a quiet hiss and a jerk on the arm for that one.

Heejin doesn’t exactly know what she’s expecting Hyunjin’s room to look like, but whatever she could conjure up would be nothing to what it actually is.

She has trendy strip lights all around the room, illuminating a soft blue. Her bed is against the back wall, sheets made incredibly neatly. There isn’t a single thing out of place, not even a stray piece of paper or article of clothing on the ground. Her desk is on the left side of the wall in front of the window, and it’s organized beyond belief as well. On the opposite wall sits a bookshelf and a piano, a guitar hanging next to both and tiny aesthetic pictures surrounding it all. In the middle of the room there’s two yellow bean bags that take up most of the empty space, and Heejin notices that her TV is mounted on the wall above the door, as the ceiling stretches up much higher than she expected and offers plenty of empty room to play with.

It’s clean and neat, aesthetic proving further by an organized polaroid wall on the wall of Hyunjin’s bed.

“Not what you were expecting?”

Heejin shakes her head. She moves farther into the room, eyes trailing over the walls in search of soccer trophies or awards but finds none anywhere.

“They’re in my parent's office. They like the reminder of what I’ve achieved more than I do, they said I’ll understand when I’m a parent, but I doubt I really will”

Heejin looks at Hyunjin with a look that says, ‘How did you know what I was thinking?’, to which Hyunjin just shrugs and replies, “Besides being the weird kid it’s the only thing I’m known for. It would’ve been my first question, too”

Heejin just nods, following Hyunjin to her bed and plopping down as soon as the other girl does.

“Well, this what it look like”

Heejin bursts into laughter at the reference and, little does she know, it would be the first of countless bursts of laughter of the night.

For a while they just sit and talk until Hyunjin suggests that she do Heejin's makeup, to which Heejin immediately says no to because she doesn't like people seeing her bare-faced. Somehow though, she ends up at Hyunjin's vanity, face stripped of all makeup and tinted with a faint blush of embarassment. It takes Hyunjin carefully pulling her hands away from her face and telling her that she was pretty no matter what to actually agree. In the end, she definitely doesn't regret it because wow Is Hyunjin really good at makeup. Heejin can only stare in mesmerization at the end product.  

She remembers feeling tired at some point in the night, but she decides to ignore it for now as she’s enjoying talking to Hyunjin much more than the thought of sleep.

Had she any foresight she would have left to go home the moment she started to yawn and rub at her eyes, but Hyunjin had offered her a blanket to get comfy with, and that’s the last thing she remembers before she slips into a dreamless sleep.

-

Heejin’s body is warm and the most relaxed it’s ever been in years.

Her eyes aren’t open yet, but she can feel the sunlight shining on them, warming up her body in contrast to the freezing air conditioning.

Mom never puts it this low though? Lord knows Dad wouldn’t ever let her touch his precious thermostat-

As the confusion swims around her head and wakes her up, she lets her body extend and stretch, an involuntary groan slipping out as the sleep beings to leave her body. She opens her eyes slowly, blinking away the tears that form from the brightness of the sun.

She finds herself much more confused than before though, as she doesn’t recognize her surroundings as her own room. It’s not until she turns her head to the side and finds Kim Hyunjin already awake and staring at her that she remembers.

I’m in Hyunjin’s bed. What am I doing in Hyunjin’s bed???? Did I fall asleep here??? Shit, I definitely didn’t mean to do that.

“Good morning, Heejin”

Her voice is soft and quiet, still tinted with the roughness of sleep, and it’s much too early for Heejin to be having butterflies.

“Um, good morning”, she looks around further, now remembering that they had been talking much too far into the night, and that must have been how Heejin fell asleep.

“I hope you don’t mind that I let you sleep here. You seemed tired, I didn’t want to wake you just to walk across the street”

Ugh. Pretty and thoughtful. Could this get any worse?

“I-It’s no problem. Um, what time is it, exactly?”

Hyunjin has yet to look away from her, she can already feel her palms starting to sweat, “Just after seven”

Fucking, “Shit”

She practically throws herself out of Hyunjin’s bed, hearing her phone fall and thud against the floor in the process of untangling herself from the sheets and trying to find her top layer of clothing.

“Is something wrong?”

If Heejin wasn’t in such a rush she would find herself frowning at the worry in Hyunjin’s voice, but, seeing as she now only has 45 minutes instead of her usual hour and a half to get ready, she can’t find it in herself to care.

She can’t find her flannel for the fucking life of her, “No, no, I’m just totally gonna look like shit today and my mom is totally gonna kick my ass for spending the night on a school night and-“

A hand on her shoulder stops her, and when she looks up Hyunjin is standing there, flannel in hand. The sudden change of pace throws her off kilter, and now she feels like her feet are stuck to the floor of Hyunjin’s room.

She reaches out and takes the shirt carefully, “T-Thank you”

Hyunjin seems calm as ever, body relaxed but still ramrod straight, and eyes kind and gentle, “You’re welcome”

It’s then she realizes how close Hyunjin is to her, she barely has to reach out to be able to touch her, she can feel the warmth radiating from her body. Despite needing to desperately get out of the house and to her own to get ready, Heejin feels locked in Hyunjin’s stare, eyes flitting all over her face.

Hyunjin is beautiful in the morning light, it’s like the sun only exists to light up her eyes and her skin, even if it is a little puffy with sleep. Her eyes light up, dark brown turning into a gorgeous golden color. Her hair, despite being a little messy from sleep as well, is still full of volume and frames her face perfectly, cascading down her back and shoulders and shining its healthy glow.

Heejin seriously can’t rip her gaze away, like the girl in front of her has her in some kind of trance that she can’t escape. She feels her body naturally fall towards the slightly taller girl, and her gaze falls upon her rosy lips, slightly chapped from the cool air but still soft and plump and-

“Hyunjin! Are you up? Breakfast is ready!”

Like a star imploding, Heejin jumps away from Hyunjin just as the door to her room opens and reveals Hyunjin’s mom.

“Oh! I didn’t know you had stayed the night, Heejin. I would have made extra food, why didn’t you say something Kim Hyunjin?”

“It’s okay, Mrs. Kim. I didn’t mean to fall asleep, I’m heading back home right now, actually”

She’s quiet for a moment, glancing at Hyunjin with a look that Heejin can’t decipher before smiling politely, “Of course. You’re always welcome to come back, Heejin. It was a pleasure to have you”

Heejin bows slightly to the older woman, “Thank you for allowing me to come”

She seems satisfied with that and nods her head once before closing the door and walking back down the stairs.

Heejin takes that as her chance to continue getting ready to leave. She quickly puts on her flannel and grabs her phone from the ground, sneaking past Hyunjin to do so. She has 3 missed calls from her mom and 2 messages from her dad, she knows she’s totally in for it when she gets home. The groupchat is also blowing up, most of them wondering if Heejin is even alive at this point. She decides to forgo answering any of them, knowing that the longer she spends here is less time she has to get yelled at and then get ready for school.

But, as fate would have it, Hyunjin’s soft voice once again has her stuck in her place, “It was nice hanging out with you, Heejin”

She can’t help but smile, “I’m sorry I fell asleep”

Hyunjin shrugs, “Aeong”

Heejin laughs, “I really should get going though”

“Of course. Have a good day, Heejin”

“You too, Hyunjin”

Heejin only allows herself to look into Hyunjin’s eyes for another 15 seconds before she finally slips out the room and out of the house.

She sprints across the street and up her front doorsteps, frantically shoving her keys in and practically forcing the door open. She barely gets inside when her mother is already shouting from the kitchen.

“Heejin? Is that you?”

She takes a deep breath before walking into the kitchen, preparing for the onslaught of words, “Hi, hey, sorry, I fell asleep at Hyunjin’s I’m really sorry I totally didn’t mean to at all”

It all comes out in one breath, and even Heejin’s dad looks surprised at how quickly the words flow out of her mouth.

She’s met with silence though, “Hyunjin? Kim Hyunjin? From across the street?”

Heejin nods.

Her mother nods and smiles, “Okay! Go get dressed, you’re running late enough as it is”

Heejin’s eyebrows pinch together in absolute confusion.

She’s...not getting yelled at.

Her parents look at her expectantly, and she’s not going to take the chance of staying in the room any longer if she’s not going to get yelled at. She sprints out of the kitchen and up the steps to her room, already stripping herself of her clothes and heading to her bathroom to try and sort herself out as much as possible without showering and doing her makeup. She still has on the makeup Hyunjin did for her yesterday, her skin is totally gonna fucking kill herself for that one.

She only has 30 minutes to change, rid herself of her makeup, wash her face as quickly as possible, and shove some cereal into her face. She contemplates putting a fresh set of makeup on, a light one at that, but remembers Hyunjin’s words from last night and decides to forego any at all.

She stops in front of the mirror, taking a moment to slow down and ground herself.

You really slept in Kim Hyunjin’s bed last night.

.

.

She spends the rest of her time squealing and jumping around her room.

-

“Woah, what the fuck?”

Heejin flinches, not in the mood for surprises and jump scares from her friends.

“What?”

Jiwoo grabs her face with both hands, inspecting her like a mad scientist, “You’re not wearing any makeup. Not even any mascara. You’re literally bare faced. Who are you? What have you done with my Heejin?”

“Your Heejin? Excuse you, know your place, peasant”

Chaewon smacks away Jiwoo’s hands and loops her arm around Heejin’s like she does every morning before school.

Jiwoo sticks her tongue out at Chaewon, “KnOw YoUr PlAcE pEaSaNt”

Chaewon just rolls her eyes and pulls Heejin away from her car and towards the school, “Why don’t you have any makeup on?”

“I, uh…Woke up late. I didn’t have any time”

Yeah, great excuse, genius.

The blonde raises an eyebrow at her, “You always make time for makeup even when you wake up late”

“Yeah, well-“

“Where were you last night? You know we all have each other’s locations turned on, I know you weren’t home, and you also weren’t answering any of our text messages”

“Jesus, Chae, what are you? A cop or something?”

“Ew, fuck no, ACAB dude”, she screeches to a halt just outside the school entrance, expression serious, “Did you sleepover at Hyunjin’s last night?”

The sentence alone makes Heejin blush, which she realizes she can’t hide very well since she doesn’t have any makeup on, and she knows she’s been caught, “Uh…”

Chaewon squints at her for a moment before smirking and turning around, “YAH! YOU OWE ME TEN BUCKS KIM JUNGEUN!”

She hears a distant ‘shit’, but ignores it in favor of glaring at her best friend, “You guys bet on me?????”

The blonde shrugs, “It was an easy bet. You’re whipped, the simpiest of all simps, jestiest of jesters, a total fool-“

“OKAY, okay, Jesus, I get it”

“Will you admit it now? That you have a crush on her?”

“Ugh! Why does all of this have to mean that I have a crush on her! You were the same way when Hyejoo first transferred here!”

Chaewon smirks, “Yeah, and now I’m dating her. Your point is?”

Heejin feels the corner of her eye twitch and decides that it’s way too early to be dealing with Chaewon’s shit. She slips out of the blonde’s grip, signaling to her girlfriends that they can replace her. Chaewon doesn’t even have any time to get upset with Heejin, as Hyejoo and Yerim immediately distract her and carry her further into the school.

Point 1 to Heejin.

-

It has, once again, been a long, long day.

Heejin is exhausted and can’t help it when her body practically shuts down the second it makes contact with her bed.

She lets out a long, heavy sigh and then a grunt, turning over onto her back and staring up at the ceiling. She has a lot of things to get done tonight, she doesn’t have a lot of time to just sit and do nothing but allows herself to relax after the past 36 hours begin to catch up to her.

Thinking about her friends makes her head ache a little too much to be comfortable so she turns to other subjects in her head. There’s the coffee she had yesterday that was probably the best coffee she’s ever had in her life, but then remembers that Jiwoo works there and throws it aside. There’s the lack of reprimanding from both of her parents for staying out last night, but there’s really no point in mulling over that fact if they’re really going to just let it go. She’s not going to take the chance to bring it up and have them yell at her after the fact.

Which leaves her with two options.

1. Think about the huge amount of homework and studying she has to do, along with the impending doom of failing her tests at the end of the week because of the other thing she can think about.
2. Think about Hyunjin.

It seems pretty obvious which avenue she’s going to take.

The problem is, why think about Hyunjin when she could literally just walk across the street and talk to said girl?

Well, there’s one problem maybe, and that’s the fact that Heejin is an idiot and didn’t think, not even once, about asking for Hyunjin’s number so they could continue hanging out. So now she has to actually go across the street and talk to Hyunjin. Emphasis on talk to Hyunjin.

But she drags herself out of bed anyway, stripping herself of her day clothes and changing into something more comfortable, then trudging out of her house and across the street.

She gets to the doorstep, hand raised and ready to knock on the door when her body just stops.

They just hung out yesterday. And yeah, maybe it was only the first time, but what if Heejin is overstepping some kind of boundary by already wanting to hang out again? It’s not like Hyunjin has anything else to do though, right? As sad as it seems, she’s sure Hyunjin is always home with the lack of friends she has. Surely she’s looking to spend more time with someone. Or maybe she’s not, and maybe she’s second guessing spending time with Heejin or something like that. What if she isn’t even home? How does she know if she is? Why is she freaking out so much about something so small and stupid?

The door swings open and Heejin comes face to face with one of Hyunjin’s brothers, the oldest maybe, who is looking at her with a very unimpressed expression on his face.

Heejin gapes, “Uh- “

“She’s at soccer practice. She’ll be back after 6. I’ll send her back to you when she gets home, okay?”

He looks at her expectantly, but Heejin’s brain still hasn’t caught up to what exactly is happening, so she just keeps gaping at the very tall man.

Eventually, he just rolls his eyes, “And you all call her the weird one”

With that he shuts the door, leaving Heejin alone once again.

What the fuck just happened?

One day. One singular day and already she’s being exposed. What a fucking simp.

She practically sprints back to her house, entirely too embarrassed to remain on the Kims doorstep, and shuts herself into her room for the rest of the evening.

-

A light tapping noise slowly brings Heejin out of her slumber.

There’s a trail of drool sliding down her mouth, quickly sucked back up as she wakes up further and remembers where she is.

She had fallen asleep trying to get ahead in homework and projects, stray pages and full notebooks spread all over her desk. She takes a sip of her water, chest hot, and throat dry.

Another tap from her window brings her back, and she stumbles from her desk and over to the window. She opens the blinds, and to her surprise, finds Hyunjin standing below her window, arm reared back with another rock in hand.

“What the- “

She fully opens the window now, throwing up confused arm signals to Hyunjin. It’s then she notices that Hyunjin has yet to change out of her practice uniform, and she’s starting to feel like she’s the star of some cheesy drama. She’s wearing a dark green jersey and matching shorts, but instead of her cleats, she’s sporting slides. Her hair is still up in a ponytail, messy from running and practicing. She even sports a slight sweat on her skin, illuminating her in the setting sunlight.

“My brother said you came over earlier looking for me. Did you forget something at my place?”

Heejin leans against her window seal, chin in hand as she stares dreamily at Hyunjin, “No, I was just bored and wanted to see if you would hang out with me”

Hyunjin’s small smile drops, eyes widening, “What?”

Heejin matches her expression, “Um, I was going to ask if you wanted…to hang out…?”

“But- “, Hyunjin starts but stops, head tilting in confusion, “But we hung out yesterday?”

Oh, “Uh, we don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have I was just- “

“No! No, I mean, I’m just…I’m surprised that you wanted to hang out again so soon, I wasn’t expecting to hang out again, actually, but- “

“Yah, I told you I don’t think of you the same way as everyone else! I had fun yesterday, of course I want to hang out again”

Hyunjin stares at her for a moment before nodding her head, “I have to shower and eat dinner first. I’ll be back over in like, 30 minutes? Unless you want to come to mine, but I’m kind of curious about what kind of room Jeon Heejin lives in”

Heejin rolls her eyes and shoos the girl off, flopping dramatically onto her bed and sighing heavily.

.

.

.

“Oh SHIT”

She scrambles off her bed, twirling around and trying to figure out how and when the hell her room got so messy.

There are clothes strewn everywhere, empty water bottles and random junk food boxes scattered all around, and her mess is an absolute mess. Not to mention she probably hasn’t washed her bedsheets in forever cause she’s a disgusting and stressed out teenager.

She spends more time than necessary trying to evaluate the mess and realizes she needs to hop to it after 5 minutes. She flings open her closet door, shoving dirty clothes into a hamper as she goes and throwing all the trash in one corner. Once she has everything in the closet, she scrambles down the stairs to grab a trash bag, then sprints back up and starts shoving things into the bag.

She takes a look at her clock; realizes she only has 10 or so minutes now and sprints down to throw the trash away. Once she’s back to her room she does her best to tidy up her desk without throwing everything into one big stack, even goes as far as to rearrange the little trinkets into a neater position.

She hears her doorbell go off and wants to rip her skin off because she still hasn’t changed her sheets.

Saved by the bell though, she hears her mother open the door and greet Hyunjin, saving her a minute or so to rip the sheets off her bed, stuff the dirty ones into the closet, and slap on a new set, and put all her pillows and blankets back just as Hyunjin knocks at her door.

“Come in!”

The door opens slowly, revealing a freshly showered and very comfortable looking Hyunjin.

She now sports a soccer hoodie and jogger sweatpants, uniform and sweatiness long gone.

Heejin puts her arms out to the side, “Tada! Welcome to Casa a Heejin, mi casa es su casa”

Hyunjin laughs lightly, eyes slowly crossing over the room.

Heejin would like to say that she has an aesthetic, but as she looks around, she can’t help but feel like even the way her room is decorated is messy. There’s random band posters strewn everywhere, a tapestry here, and a flag there. Her bookshelf is pretty organized, and she’d like to say her album collection is also organized, but that’s about it. Her desk still looks a mess, and her art corner is overrun with sketches, unfinished drawings, and finished artwork underneath them all. Her guitar stands tall in the corner by her piano, and her entire room is illuminated by white fairy lights that are, not surprisingly, messily strung around the room.

“A little unorganized, but in a healthy way, I think”, she takes a seat next to Heejin on the bed, “I like it”

She says it with finality, leaving no room for argument, and Heejin can only nod and mutter a small thank you.

“So, what did you want to do?”

Heejin blanks, she hadn’t really thought that far, “I was going to ask you?”

Hyunjin flops back onto Heejin’s bed, staring up at the ceiling, “Well, if you hadn’t fallen asleep last night, I’m sure we would’ve kept talking for hours. Anything you wanna talk about now?”

Heejin copies Hyunjin, laying her head right next to Hyunjin’s, “I’m sure we can think of something. Tell me about your day first, how was soccer practice?”

Heejin knows by the over exaggerated eye roll she receives in response that this is going to be a long one, so she gets comfortable and diverts every ounce of attention to the girl next to her for the rest of the night.

-

(Without her knowing, somehow, something manifests itself into her body. It intertwines with her veins, floating in her heart and wrapping itself around her body in warmth. Something inside of her shifts, like tectonic plates rubbing against each other and forming mountains and valleys.

She’s unaware of it, it settles into the back of her mind like background music. But slowly, surely, it reveals itself in subtle colors. She’s unaware of it now, only knows in telltale signs of sweaty palms and butterflies disguised as anxiety. But there’s more planned here, more to look into. Heejin doesn’t know it now, but soon enough she’ll know what to call it.

It’s ring sounds a lot like love. )

-

It’s a Friday afternoon, and Heejin just wants to go home.

She’s had way too many assignments and projects to do this week, and now that it’s finally over she just wants to sink into her bed and not get out of it for a while.

Alas, the world is out to get her.

When she finally makes her way out of the school building to the parking lot, she finds that it’s pouring rain, and everyone is trapped underneath the awning of the building.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me!”

“You and me both”, Jungeun startles Heejin, causing her to flail dramatically and elicit a glare from the former.

“Jeez, what’s got you so jumpy lately? Spending too much time with Hyunjin?”

Heejin grumbles, “Shut up, I’ve had a long week and I just wanna go home and lay in bed”

Jungeun just hums at her, attention brought back to the rain pounding against the ground and the thunder rumbling loudly above.

She feels a tap on her shoulder, then warm breath next to her ear, “If you run out into the rain with me, I’ll let you drive me home”

Heejin swings around, setting Hyunjin with a hard glare, “And where exactly is my win in that situation?”

Hyunjin smiles wider, “You get to be in the car with me, duh”

“My god, you’re annoying enough as it is. Now you’ve got to be a rain lover?”

“It’s just water!”

Hyunjin laughs and throws herself from under the awning and out into the rain. The water soaks her immediately, hair becoming drenched within seconds. Heejin watches in awe as the girl twirls around, arms outstretched, and head tilted towards the sky. Even the sound of thunder, close and extremely loud, doesn’t scare her back under the awning. Everyone around gives her weird looks, but Heejin can only find herself staring admirably at the girl as she twirls and twirls.

She’s about to step into the rain, ready to scram, when Hyunjin’s brothers come bounding out of the crowd and into the rain as well, sprinting past Hyunjin and motioning her to follow.

Hyunjin looks back at Heejin before she runs off, a soft smile playing on her lips, “Guess I’ll have to wait to give you my precious time”

She winks, causing Heejin to blush profusely, and then sprints off to her car.

Heejin just watches, staying stock still until their car is out of the parking lot and down the road. She notices that most people have decided to face the storm instead of wait, and the only people let are-

“That was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen with my own two eyes”

Heejin groans, shoulders slumping just in time for the more aggressive members of her friend group to slap her on the back and shoulders.

Jungeun passes by her, mimicking whip noises and twirling an invisible one around in the air.

“I DoNt HaVe FeElInGs FoR hYuNjIn, ChAeWoN, yOu HaVe To BeLiEvE mE, cHaEwOn!”

Heejin finds herself chasing the rest of her friends back to their side of the lot, fist raised high in the air, and ready to beat the first person she gets her hands on.

-

Later on, when all of her last-minute homework is done and she’s laying in her bed, she finds that she’s incredibly bored and doesn’t want to waste time just lying in bed.

So, what’s her solution?

To go to Hyunjin’s of course.

It’s what she’s been doing for the past month now, like a ritual every day after school.

She happily trudges over to the girl’s house, knocking firmly and waiting until someone opens the door.

When it finally opens, she’s met with Hyunjin’s father – who, by the way, she had met just two weeks prior but was already on the good side of – and greets him excitedly as he leads her in.

“I believe she’s taking a shower right now, but you can go on ahead and go to her room and wait for her. You practically live here anyway!”

Heejin laughs as she slips off her shoes in the doorway and makes her way up the stairs, “I’ll send this month’s rent right on to you!”

Mr. Kim laughs heartedly, bellowing, and vibrating the house around him. It makes Heejin smile even wider as she takes the steps two at a time up to Hyunjin’s room.

Just as she thought, Heejin finds Hyunjin’s bathroom door closed with steam rolling underneath the tiny crack. A song plays faintly through her phone speakers, Heejin can’t tell what it is but doesn’t even care as she hones into the sound of Hyunjin’s voice.

She takes her place on the left side of Hyunjin’s bed, busying herself with social media until she finally hears the shower turn off. It takes another few minutes for the doorknob to finally turn, but no amount of time would have prepared Heejin for the sight before her.

Because there stands Hyunjin, hair wet and dripping down her bare back, face bare, and body only covered by her yellow towel. Heejin has a feeling she should look away; she should definitely look away and make her presence known to Hyunjin, but she can’t stop staring at her glistening skin and exposed shoulders.

Oh no. Dumb lesbian brain go bark bark.

“Oh! Hi Heejin, I didn’t know you were coming over”

Hyunjin startles her, she hadn’t even noticed that the girl had seen her sitting on the bed. She doesn’t make any move to cover herself, so Heejin assumes she’s okay as long as her eyes don’t stray.

She can’t help the blush that rises on her face though, and she looks away shyly as she mumbles out a greeting.

Hyunjin chuckles at her, “I don’t care if you see me like this, weirdo. It’s not like you’re some perv”

“W-Well still, I think you still deserve some p-privacy, or whatever”

“Whatever you say, Heejin”

At the nonchalant attitude, Heejin decides to just girl up and focus her attention on Hyunjin. Only, she has incredibly poor timing, and watches as the towel slowly slips off of her body and reveals her fully toned back.

At least she’s wearing shorts already, that really would have been a disaster.

Heejin watches mind numbingly as the muscles in Hyunjin’s back move as her arms do but snaps herself out of it as soon as she feels a bit of drool making its way out of her mouth a particular stretch and groan. 

“Enjoying the view?”

Heejin sputters.

Hyunjin laughs.

It carries on like normal, where the two playfully banter and bicker, someone throws in a flirtatious statement here and there, the other blushes, and then they move on.

Hyunjin always gets the last laugh.

And Heejin is always left breathless and full of butterflies.

-

Heejin had never really paid any attention to Hyunjin outside of school until recently.

And even then, it was really just about her face, which was usually set in a cold stare. Heejin would say she had been a little obsessed with Hyunjin’s face, but only because she wanted to get to know the story behind that face, and why it was usually the one that Hyunjin chose to present. Was it to ward off potential bullies? Was it because she wanted to be perceived as the mean girl first, and then the weird girl second?

Like a cloaking device, but for her personality.

So Heejin has only ever really paid attention to Hyunjin’s face, in school.

Which is exactly why Heejin finds herself incredibly flabbergasted at the very large Instagram following – don’t ask Heejin how she found it – that Hyunjin has because of her egirl style.

“Holy, fucking, shit?”

Chaewon immediately looks up from her phone and places her full attention to the potential of gossip, Heejin really isn’t surprised by that one, “What? What is it? Did someone die?”

“Why is that always your first thought?”

Chaewon waves off Yerim, eyes wide and alert to Heejin.

“Um”, is this really something she should tell them? That Hyunjin is, like, kinda famous?

“For the love of god”, before she knows it, Chaewon is ripping her phone from her grasp.

Heejin is a little offended at the fact that everyone on Chaewon’s side of the table comes rushing in to see as well, but she guesses she would do the same thing to them.

Seeing as her phone is already out of her reach and Chaewon is already glancing over it, Heejin just watches and waits.

It takes a full 10 seconds until everyone seems to understand.

Heejin watches mouths hang open, eyes widen, souls leave their bodies.

And then-

“HOLY SHIT”

“Hyunjin is famous?”

“What the literal fuck”

“How does she have more followers than me?”

“I think I’m going to pass out”

The group doesn’t seem to be anywhere near done with their mind blowing – this happens way too often – so Heejin just sits back and, as usual, thinks of Hyunjin.

She tries to recall seeing Hyunjin ever dress like that, but quickly realizes their school would quite literally riot if they ever say Hyunjin like that. She has more of a relaxed version of egirl style, in fact, Heejin would consider it way more street fashion than anything. She truly can’t imagine Hyunjin in anything but her casual wear, and she’s having a tough time wrapping her head around this one.

“Don’t let her following fool you, she’s definitely not as cool as she makes herself out to be”

The sudden voice startles the entire group, causing some to scatter and some to cling on to each other.

Heejin looks up to see Hyunjin’s older brother standing behind Chaewon, also looking at the phone.

“Jee, what a nice thing to say about your sister who is infamously disliked at this school”, Chaewon says without missing a beat, turning her attention back to Hyunjin’s profile.

He rolls his eyes, “Yah, why is your initial reaction to think I’m talking shit about my own sister? I thought by now she’d seem at least mostly normal to you, but I guess some people never change”

He huffs angrily and walks away, leaving the group silent.

Heejin just crosses her arms, fixing herself with a judgmental face for her friends.

Chaewon feels the judgment, raises her eyes to look at Heejin and rolls them at the face she finds, “Ugh, you’re all so dramatic. We’ve already talked about this, and I agreed, that so long as Hyunjin made Heejin happy, I wouldn’t say anything. Not that I have anything to say, anyway!”

The tiny blonde shoves the phone back into Heejin’s space, tuts her chin up, stands, and makes her way to the exit of the cafeteria. Both Yerim and Hyejoo groan once she’s out of earshot, and begin to play a game of Rock Paper Scissors. Hyejoo wins, to no surprise, and pfts Yerim away to save the day.

The group remains quiet, even long after Yerim has gone. Heejin looks around and notices that her friends seem to be a little down, dare she say, shameful.

She counts it as a victory.

-

Heejin begins to learn a lot of things about Hyunjin after that.

And she quickly realizes that Hyunjin kind of has her life really put together.

She’s already been accepted to UCLA, something that Heejin is still hoping will happen to her, and the fact that Hyunjin had sent in her application at the Early Decision date is even more intimidating.

She also already knows her major, Business Administration, because ‘You can do anything with it, really’.

She also knows how to cook. She’s pretty mediocre at it, but she can follow a recipe and cook simple things pretty well, which is all more than Heejin can count for.

Hyunjin, in simple terms, is actually pretty cool, all jokes and personalities aside.

It’s something that Heejin comes to admire her for, as well as her incredibly selfless actions towards Heejin herself. She’s always paying for coffee and little outings, never lets Heejin pay for anything, and says that she can just drive everywhere to make up for it.

Heejin really hates it. Giving gifts is kind of her thing, especially since she hates voicing her feelings, so gifts and physical touch is really all she’s got going for her. She’s not going to complain too much though. They recently had begun cuddling almost every time they sat or laid next to each other, and if all she has to do is hold the girl in her arms and drive her around for her to be happy, Heejin would do just that.

-

Hyunjin isn’t at school today, something that is very unusual for the studious girl.

Heejin has tried texting her all day long, even calling before classes started and at lunch, but she never gets an answer.

By the time school lets out, Heejin is worried.

Hyunjin isn’t exactly an early riser, but she definitely wouldn’t sleep until 3 in the afternoon. She rushes to her car, shooting a couple more texts in hope of a reply, but only grows more anxious as they stay on delivered five minutes later.

Jinsoul and Vivi try to stop her on her way out, inviting her out to eat with everyone, but Heejin waves them off and tells them she’ll go next time.

She speeds out of the parking lot, probably gathering a lot of attention, but she doesn’t care at this point. She races home and throws her car into park the second she’s in the driveway, throwing herself out of her car and across the street.

The doubt doesn’t hit her until she gets to the door, of course. She lifts her fist to the door but stops, replaying the day in her head.

She’s sent 54 – yes, 54 – texts to Hyunjin and called her three times. That’s got to be annoying right? Maybe there’s a reason she hasn’t replied to her. Maybe something happened to someone in the family, maybe she’s ignoring Heejin, maybe-

Heejin throws all caution to the wind, doesn’t even care if she’s being annoying to Hyunjin anymore.

She knocks on the front door but meets complete silence. She knocks a little louder, hoping she can rouse someone from the house but is met with silence again. She debates just going back to her house and locking herself in her room until Hyunjin finally replies to her, but she’s got too much of an inkling to back down now.

She’s also been standing on Hyunjin’s porch for a couple of minutes now, which in her mind would be much too embarrassing to leave now instead of just waiting for someone to answer.

Then again, there is the possibility that no one is home, but Heejin swore she saw someone walking around through the windows.

So she knocks again and keeps knocking until she hears a faint ‘Just a minute!’ coming down the stairs.

The door finally swings open, and every word that has been on Heejin’s mind is ready to pour out of her mouth, but it stops when she sees Hyunjin in front of her.

“Sorry, I didn’t know my brothers ordered something for me, let me just- Oh”

Both girls stand stock still in shock and eyes wide, Hyunjin because she definitely didn’t expect Heejin to be standing on her porch, and Heejin because she thinks someone might have abducted Hyunjin and replaced her with a slightly off-brand version of her blossoming friend.

Because in front of her, in flesh and blood, is Hyunjin. Kim Hyunjin, wearing a pink My Little Pony’s t-shirt that is much too big on her body, long pajama pants with cats all over them, and huge slippers that look like loaves of bread. Her hair is up in a very messy ponytail, baby hairs standing up in all kinds of directions, and there isn’t a single drop of makeup on her face. In fact, she looks a little sickly, nose irritated and eyes red and watery like she’s been sneezing and coughing up a storm.

Heejin couldn’t even imagine this Hyunjin if she tried, yet here she is, standing right in front of her looking as if she’s seen a ghost. There’s literal fear in her eyes, way more emotion than usual, even with Heejin around.

This is the same Hyunjin who is going to UCLA on a full scholarship. The same Hyunjin who is the captain of the soccer team, top of their class, incredibly chic and put together at all times.

Hyunjin, who is most likely sick, completely stripped down to bare essentials, in front of Heejin.

We haven’t stopped staring at each other. Why haven’t we stopped staring at each other? This is starting to feel too much like some kind of Kdrama, is this even real?

“Heejin! H-Hi!”

Hyunjin’s voice cracks pathetically, and Heejin can actually see her emotion shift from startled to horribly embarrassed, “W-What uh, what are you doing h-here?”

“Uh…I-um, you? You weren’t, um- You look…”

Heejin watches the blush rise up to her cheeks, leg shaking in embarrassment and mouth twisting uncomfortably, “Y-You didn’t text me to say you were c-coming over, so-“

A sudden bought of seriousness overtakes Heejin, “I’ve been texting you all day, you weren’t at school and I was worried”

“What? You- “, she pulls out her phone from a pocket somewhere, shoulders drooping when she sees the extensive amount of text messages from Heejin, “I-I’m sorry, Heejin, really. I have a really bad cold, I’ve been sleeping it off all day long to try and feel better”

Heejin nods, still a bit in shock from seeing Hyunjin so casual. She has half the mind to stop staring in case Hyunjin thinks she’s being rude, but she can’t find it in herself to look away from the girl. Something about it irks her, because how can Hyunjin, so very obviously sick and suffering, still look so naturally beautiful?

“Um, is there snot in my nose that I missed? I know I don’t have any makeup on, I just didn’t know it would be at the door and- “

Heejin holds up a hand, stopping Hyunjin from further demeaning herself, “You’re gorgeous no matter what. I just didn’t expect to see you so…geeky?”

Heejin watches all ounces of embarrassment wash away from Hyunjin’s face, replaced immediately with a playful smirk, “Are you, Jeon Heejin, telling me that I look geeky?”

Alright, touché it is.

“Being a self-proclaimed weeb is very different from being geeky, but I’ll let you think what you wanna think”

Heejin smirks at Hyunjin’s wide eyes, she definitely wasn’t expecting any kind of comeback from Heejin. Jokes on her, Heejin has plenty of secret weapons.

(No she doesn’t.)

Hyunjin tilts her head to the side, giving Heejin a slow glance over, “So, you think I’m gorgeous, huh?”

“Wh- Well, yes, of course, I think you’re g-gorgeous but- I mean, I didn’t mean like, well, I did mean it but I- “

Hyunjin laughs loudly at how pathetically Heejin is stumbling over her words.

Heejin just shuts her mouth, crosses her arms, and pouts at her friend.

Hyunjin leans against her doorframe, “I would invite you in, but this cold is kind of bad and I don’t wanna get you sick”

Heejin mirrors Hyunjin’s position against one of the pillars, “I have a pretty strong immune system, if I do say so myself”

“You’re not going to be able to charm your way into this one, Jeon Heejin. I’m serious!”

Heejin raises her arms in defense, “Hey, I never said you weren’t! Maybe I’m serious too, you think about that one?”

Heejin feels the butterflies in her stomach flap their wings at the small smile Hyunjin gives her. It’s perfect playful banter, just bickering enough to continue on with it. Hyunjin just rolls her eyes, opens the door wider and pulls Heejin in by the front of her shirt.

Heejin mentally gives herself a pat on the back for this one, laughing and stumbling with her sick friend as they travel up to Hyunjin’s room.

-

Eventually, the two begin to bond over music.

It was bound to happen, as both of them are avid players of the piano and the guitar.

It even gets to the point where they’re sharing each other’s song ideas, and Hyunjin asks Heejin to come over one day in particular for her opinion on the newest song she’s created.

Heejin sits patiently on Hyunjin’s bed, watching as she adjusts her strings and capo until they’re perfect. After a few minutes, she finally seems ready and looks up apprehensively to Heejin.

“It’s just the intro and a little bit of the chorus, don’t expect too much from me, Jeon Heejin”

Heejin just laughs, “I only expect the best from you, Hyunjin-ssi”

She laughs again, rolls her eyes, and gets comfy with guitar in hand. She watches Hyunjin ready herself, places her fingers on the first chords and inhales deeply.

As she starts strumming, Heejin can’t help but feel like she’s in her own little oasis, watching as the girl of her dreams effortlessly plays the guitar to her own song.

“You’ll come again today, without fail
What happens if I see you?
I’m carefully waiting
But I’m not expecting anything
I’m just blankly staring at you then I leave
From far away, I wish you would only look at me

Hey you, do you know my heart?
These days, I’m like a child every day
Hiding as I look at you
You, are you hearing my words?
I’m still not brave yet
So I’m silently leaving again

I close my eyes but I still think of you
What do I do now?
Everyone calls me a fool
But I don’t expect anything”

Heejin is stunned to silence.

Her jaw opens and closes, words infiltrating her mind but none sticking enough to say. Hyunjin watches her struggle, hands closing and opening just like her mouth.

How is it that Hyunjin can write something so similar to her own experience? How has she perfectly encapsulated the way Heejin has felt about Hyunjin for years?

She can’t think of anything to say at all, mostly for fear of saying the wrong thing. Hyunjin places her guitar to the side, eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“Um, so…Did you like it?”

She asks quietly, just above a whisper and with her head hanging slightly so that the blush on her cheeks isn’t super noticeable. But Heejin notices, she always notices.

She notices how the girl plays with the rings on her fingers out of nervous habit, how her gaze is fixated on a singular spot in the distance, how her foot slowly taps out a beat, how the sun is shining so perfectly on her today, like it was meant for her, like every moment before this one happened for a reason, happened so that Hyunjin would be sitting there fragile and beautiful as ever, and Heejin would be sitting there, admiring her for the good that she is, so that she would explain how it made her feel without words, by scooting closer to her and taking her hands, fingers tracing over the callouses on her fingertips and eyes boring into pools of gold.

She reaches up and pushes a stray hair back behind Hyunjin’s ear, letting her hand come to rest on the girl’s cheek, fingers stroking lightly against the soft skin.

Hyunjin’s eyes flutter shut, her head unconsciously moving into Heejin’s hand. It’s like no matter what Heejin does, she always finds herself being pulled towards Hyunjin. Like gravity exists only to push them together.

Heejin is tired of going against the pull.

Hyunjin doesn’t even have to be pulled in by Heejin’s hand, she follows naturally and without opening her eyes at all. A hand grips at her shoulder, desperate for some kind of grounding as the world vibrates around them. Heejin hears the blood rushing through her ears, it’s the only thing she can really focus on as her forehead connects with Hyunjin’s, lips inches away.

She gives Hyunjin a moment to back out, lets up on the pressure of her hand and stills, waiting for the other girl to make a move.

When she makes no move to leave, Heejin returns the pressure and leans back in, hand sliding down Hyunjin’s neck and to the base of her shoulders. Hyunjin is breathing heavily with her eyes still shut, and Heejin figures she’s going to have to be the one to make the final move.

She breathes in deeply and brushes her nose against Hyunjin’s, listening as she gasps softly and moves closer. Carefully, and slowly as ever, she presses her lips against Hyunjin’s until there’s no space left between them. It’s soft and gentle, neither girl wanting to press further or rush for any reason.

Hyunjin’s lips are soft and supple, tasting faintly of the chapstick she uses regularly, and Heejin can’t focus on anything but the way their lips fit together perfectly. She feels her chest open up, nothing but pure love pouring out of it and into the way she kisses Hyunjin. Nothing about it is rushed or messy, they move together slowly and tread lightly.

It isn’t until a particularly hard squeeze from Hyunjin that Heejin realizes what the fuck she’s doing.

She practically throws herself to the other side of the bed, wincing like she had been burned. Hyunjin is looking at her blankly and there’s nothing letting Heejin know what she’s feeling or thinking at all.

Shit shit shit, SHIT!

“I-I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that- god, you probably don’t even like girls, and I totally just-“, Heejin feels nauseous at the thought that she just invaded every single one of Hyunjin’s boundaries.

She gets up from off the bed and scrambles to pick her stuff up, mumbling out apologies as she goes. She stops once she reaches Hyunjin’s door and turns back to look at her, and upon seeing the same blank stare, bolts out of the room and out of the house, sprinting until she reaches her own room.

She shuts her blinds tightly, turns off her light, dives under the covers, and cries herself to sleep.

-

“JEON HEEJIN”

Heejin winces, cowering in her seat at the cafeteria.

Jiwoo comes stomping in and heads straight for their table, not even stopping to say hello as she grabs the collar of Heejin’s shirt and drags her away from the table and out of the cafeteria.

It causes quite a big scene, and even her friends are confused as to why Jiwoo – who is usually cuddled up against Heejin and giving her attention – is literally dragging Heejin, kicking and screaming, out of the cafeteria.

Heejin finally manages to gain some footing and stands up on her own, but still has to endure the fast pace Jiwoo has set for them. She drags her around another corner where the hallway is completely empty, swinging Heejin around and slamming her against the nearest wall.

“What. Did. You. Do.”

Heejin is absolutely terrified, and she hates that she continues to forget about Jiwoo being insanely strong and scary when she’s mad.

“What are you talking about?”

Jiwoo tightens her grip, “Hyunjin came in for her usual Sunday coffee, except this time she ordered a completely black coffee. Do you know what that means, Heejin?”

She nods her head, not understanding where this is going.

“It means that Hyunjin iS INSANELY UPSET AND I KNOW IT HAS TO DO WITH YOU”

Jesus, who needs amps when we have Jiwoo’s diaphragm.

Distract and evade, distract and evade, “Yah, how do you know all that just from a coffee order?”

“I know because 1. You’re ignoring my question and trying to distract me with different questions and 2. Hyunjin orders iced americano when things are good, something super sweet and fruity when things are great, and black coffee when things are horrible. She also looked like she hadn’t showered and had just rolled out of bed or something. So, fucking fess up”

Heejin throws all caution to the wind at the curse word, knowing now that Jiwoo is very serious, “I went to her house on Saturday and she was playing this stupid song she wrote and it was really nice and beautiful and she’s just so beautiful and I was tired of pretending like I’m not completely in love with her so I kissed her!”

Jiwoo freezes, mouth forming a confused ‘o’, “Wait, so if you finally confessed, why is she upset?”

Heejin smiles sheepishly, “Um, because I maybe got too into my own head and started apologizing and quite literally ran out of her house without saying anything”

Another glare, “And what exactly do you mean by, ‘in your own head’?”

Heejin cowers further into the wall, sliding down and away from Jiwoo, “I thought maybe I had been reading the situation wrong and maybe she doesn’t even like girls and I totally just used her and crossed all her boundaries and ruined our friendship and I panicked and didn’t know what to do, okay?!”

At that, Jiwoo loosens her grip on Heejin, a sympathetic smile taking over the glare. She pats down Heejin’s shirt and tries to make it look normal again, then envelopes Heejin into a tight hug.

Heejin immediately hugs back, tears already starting to prick at her eyes. She’s been holding in her feelings for much too long, and these are the consequences she has to accept.

“You’re an idiot, Jeon Heejin”

“Yeah, I know”

-

Jiwoo tries her best to get Heejin to talk to Hyunjin, but every attempt fails miserably.

At first, she started with her words, encouraged Heejin to at least text the girl and apologize for running out. But then Heejin never texted her, so she tried to push her to talk to her in person before school started, or after the last bell.

Heejin, however, always found some sort of excuse to need to leave and bolted to her car every single day and stayed in her car for as long as possible in the morning, long after Hyunjin had already walked inside.

This continues on into the week, Jiwoo trying to take every chance to encourage Heejin, and Heejin taking every opportunity to do anything but such.

Jiwoo is done with it by Friday afternoon, “Fine, don’t talk to her! Wallow in your stupid pity and- and whatever!”

Heejin feels bad for angering Jiwoo, and even worse for disappointing her. But she’s already messed this up, there’s no way to fix it without it hurting Heejin more than she already is.

Going from hanging out with Hyunjin almost every day to hardly seeing her at all at school has sucked the life out of Heejin. She no longer has any reason to go out of her room unless one of her friends wants to do something, and even then, she finds it hard to want to go out because Hyunjin wouldn’t be there.

She knows its kind of unhealthy to have that kind of relationship with someone, but what was Heejin supposed to do? Not take every opportunity to be with Hyunjin? She had wasted 6 very long years, and now it was all going to come to an end when they graduated and moved on to college. 

Being with Hyunjin was freeing, it was calming and everything good that Heejin needed in her life. There was no way she would waste any time.

And being away from that safety, away from Hyunjin’s beauty and her healing laughter and stupid tickle fights, it sucks the life out of her body completely. She misses Hyunjin. She misses her voice and her laughter and her hands and her cooking and everything else.

Guess I’m going to have to get used to missing her.

“Shut up your head voice and put this on”, a very annoyed Chaewon shoves an outfit into Heejin’s arms.

She takes a good look at it, reminding herself of where she is. They decided to go to Chaewon’s house after school and get ready for a party that was happening tonight. Yerim and Hyejoo were in the corner, bickering quietly about different pieces of their outfits, while Jiwoo and Jungeun do each other’s makeup. She has no idea where the rest of the group is, but at a sarcastic cough from Chaewon, she decides to focus on getting ready so she can forget the whole travesty that the past week was.

Her friends catch her in her own head a couple of times, but after being reassured that tonight will be a Hyunjin-free night, she starts to calm down and really get ready.

This is the only opportunity she has to say fuck it and get wasted with no consequences, she’s taking full advantage of this for sure.

-

Heejin has no idea what’s going on.

She remembers the drinks, and the sound of her friend group laughing and having a good time, but even in her head, it feels like a muggy dream.

She looks around, watches as the lights stretch with her gaze, the edges of her vision mirky but still vibrant all around. She sways, feels the gravity move against and around her, music pounding lowly in the back of her mind.

She doesn’t know where any of her friends are but she can’t bring herself to care anymore. She feels on top of the world, the energy moving around her like she controls it herself.

“Wow. Heejin is like, fucked, Chae. Should we do something?”

“No, idiot, she’s having fun. Just keep an eye on her with your owl eyes or whatever”

“Yah, owls have night vision”

“And it’s dark in here, duh”

A force bumps into Heejin, but she barely even notices. She can hear someone speaking in the background, but she figures it’s not towards her.

That is, until she feels a hand on her arm turning her around lightly. She goes with the flow, but apparently too much, as the person who is holding onto her has to steady her and make sure she doesn’t fall down.

She looks up, eyes unfocused and a little blurry. She sees the outline of someone, blinks her eyes a couple of times, watches as her vision sharpens, and sees a man in front of her. He’s tall and bulky, a kind smile on his face as he loosens his grip on Heejin.

She watches his mouth move, presumably asking her a question or saying something, but Heejin can’t hear him at all. She stares confusedly at his lips, trying to make out any words that she can understand but fails miserably. She squints and looks around, trying to make out the scene around her but finds that moving her head only makes things look blurrier.

Her body shakes, and she turns her attention back to the guy in front of her, only now instead of a kind smile he’s looking at her quite angrily. His grip doesn’t leave her shoulder and he spits out more words at her that she can’t understand. He seems like he should be yelling, and as Heejin looks to the sides she watches people turn their way, backing up and watching with judging eyes. Heejin feels her body shake again, turns to the man, and sees him arguing with someone to his left.

Her eyes trail that way, but the sight before her is confusing. The man is arguing with a girl who stands at about Heejin’s height. Heejin can’t see her face as she starts getting closer to the man and trying to put distance between him and Heejin.

Heejin doesn’t understand what’s going on, all she can see and feel is the lights and the bass of the music.

She’s glad she can’t feel anything though, because as she watches the girl rear back and punches the guy square in the face, knocking him out with a single punch, Heejin thinks even she would have felt that one.

Heejin sees the crowd chuckle unanimously before returning to their previous activity.

Well. Glad that’s over.

She feels another person grip at her shoulder, but this time her eyes find the girl standing in front of her, eyes wide and searching. A hand strokes back her hair and finishes on her cheek, she can feel long fingers stroking at her hairline. The tips of her fingers are rough against Heejin’s skin, reminding her of the guitar and the groove she’s been in lately.

Maybe heartbreak isn’t so bad if it gives you really good songs. Maybe this moment could even be one, the familiar comfort reminds Heejin of the cause of her current sorrows, the whole reason she’s in a groove to begin with.

In fact, if Heejin focuses just a little more, the girl kind of resembles Hyunjin.

“Hyunjin”, it rings like an echo in her head, all previous thoughts immediately replaced with the girl of her dreams.

The girl in front of her pulls her lips into a thin line before nodding her head. She takes to pulling Heejin out of the room, walking her slowly through the house and out the back door.

The change of scenery and all the previous movement seems to catch up on Heejin, and the moment her eyes land on a patch of grass off of the side of the back porch, she runs.

She makes it just in time for her stomach to release every ounce of alcohol in it. Heejin barely even feels it, instead chooses to focus on the large hands pulling her hair back and lightly rubbing at the base of her back.

It feels like ages until she’s finally done.

But once her body has stopped retracting, she decides that’s enough and backs away from the spot in the grass. Her vision doesn’t feel any better, nor does her hearing, but she’s conscious of the girl with her. She feels hands on the small of her back, pushing her towards a bench far away enough from her puke that they won’t be able to smell it. Heejin feels the cold marble against her thighs and back, focuses on the feeling as everything around her tilts and sways.

The girl sits next to her, and Heejin drunkenly swings her head to look at her.

As she focuses on her, noticing all the things that resemble Hyunjin, she feels her inner dialogue start to surface. The girl looks her in the eyes, and that’s the last straw for her.

“Your eyes are s-super expressive”, she starts off, words slurring and missing syllables, “They remind me of Hyunjin’s”

She pouts, swinging her head back to the center and staring off into the distance as the angst takes over.

“People d-don’t even see it. They don’t even b-bother to get to know her like that anyway. But they’re super expressive, a-and her blank stares have s-so many levels it’s fucking crazy! People think she’s evil or weird or whatever, I just think she’s f-fucking neat! I-If anything, people should be jealous! Jealous t-that they don’t have a p-personality like her, you know? She’s so amazing, I was perfectly f-fine just admiring her from the distance, but my stupid friend group had to g-go and ruin it! I was perfectly fine calling it admiration too! But of c-course she had to be p-perfect and make me f-fall in love with her!”

She scoffs to herself, leaning back on the bench and crossing her arms, “What a way to show someone you’re in love with them. Yeah, let me just kiss you but then freak out and run to my house and never speak to you again! T-That’ll do the fucking t-trick for ya”

She groans, hands sliding over her face, “I came here to forget about this whole thing, too! God, I’m so tired of thinking about her all the time, it’s ridiculous. What’s a girl g-got to do to stop thinking about the best t-thing that’s ever happened to her?”

She looks around again, relishing in the cool air washing against her and the distant sounds of bugs creaking. Her mind draws her back to what feels like ages ago, but was most likely just a couple of minutes and turns to the girl.

“What h-happened back there anyway? Y-You really suckerpunched the h-hell out of that guy”

The girl doesn’t turn to her, but Heejin thinks she’s sobered up a little bit as she listens to the girl talk, “He was trying to roofie you, so I punched him in the face after he didn’t back off”

Heejin’s eyes widen, “Holy shit”

The girl nods slowly, “Yeah”

“Thank you. I’m sure you didn’t need to do that, I don’t even think you know me?”

“You don’t have to thank me, I’m glad I could save you before that guy did anything worse”

Heejin tilts her head back, listens to the girl speak. The way her voice echoes around makes it sound like Hyunjin too, her voice soft and level, but still deep and resonating.

A sudden thought forces its way out, “You even sound like her”

“Like who?”

Heejin sinks lower into the bench, “The girl I’m in love with”

“You seem to talk about this girl a lot”

She laughs, “Yeah, only cause I have no idea who you are and I think it’s nice to rant to someone about it, who I’m hoping is removed from the situation and has no idea what I’m talking about”

“And why is that?”

“Well, mostly because my friends kind of suck sometimes, but I can be really stupid too. I feel like I’m in one of those stories about a princess falling in love with a peasant, except I’m the princess and she’s the stupid peasant who shouldn’t even be a peasant it’s just our generation being assholes and alienating her because they don’t understand her”

“You seem quite passionate about it too. Are you sure you understand her though?”

Heejin takes mild offense to the question, and sneers at the girl, “It’s stupid how much I understand her. She comes from a loving family who doesn’t judge her, no matter what. She’s the youngest and also the only girl, she grew up tough and confident. She doesn’t need approval from anyone else, she’s just herself at all times because she doesn’t care. And that’s what pisses everybody off, but I’ve never met anyone as 4D as she is, and that’s something people would kill for! Her mind is beautiful, but no one wants to take the time to get to know her and it’s so stupid”

“I see”

Heejin is starting to think that maybe she’s dreaming, that maybe she passed out earlier in the night and now she’s dreaming some kind of weird, symbolic dream, because as she finishes her angry rant and looks toward the girl again, she can’t help but notice that the girl looks really, really similar to Hyunjin.

“Oh fuck. Am I dreaming this right now?”

The girl laughs and nods her head ‘no’.

Heejin squints further, digging through her brain for some kind of question to break the dream.

She blurts out the first coherent one, “Have you ever been in love?”

The girl stills, eyes flicking back and forth between something in front of her. She sighs heavily, turns her head a little more towards Heejin, “Not before, no. Now, maybe? What would you define as being in love, since you’re so knowledgeable of it yourself?”

Heejin laughs at that, appreciating the bite of humor.

She leans back against the bench again, taking a moment to stabilize her thoughts.

The girl has a point, what exactly would she define as being in love? This is the first time she’s ever been in love, but how does she know it’s love?

“I think you just know. It’s not really a specific physical feeling to me. Maybe it’s physical in the nature of my comfort in her presence. Maybe it’s how safe and warm I feel when I’m with her. Maybe it’s the way it feels like I’m looking at a star when she smiles or listening to the greatest song in the universe when she laughs. Maybe it’s the way I get lost in her eyes, how she really does remind me of a cat sometimes. Maybe it’s her personality, how 4D she is, how confident and strong she is, how smart she is, how talented she is. I had yet to find anyone who could keep up with me with the guitar, and then I met her. I’m even writing songs about her, so, yeah. I think maybe that’s what I consider being in love”

Silence washes over them, the words sinking in.

“I think…”, the girl starts.

Heejin glances back over at her, watching the gears rotating in her head, watching her expression change through her eyes and the corner of her mouth. She even watches as the girl pushes her hair back with one hand, revealing her full side profile and turning to face Heejin.

She watches in what feels like slow motion, as the girl locks eyes with her, and reality comes crashing in.

Hyunjin smiles softly at her, facial features finally starting to come together, “I think I’m in love with you, too, Jeon Heejin”

Heejin can’t tell if this is even real anymore. This whole time she’s been comparing this stranger girl to Hyunjin. Surely her mind has only created this figment of imagination, someone who looks like Hyunjin but isn’t, like some kind of mind fuck.

But the girl looks exactly like Hyunjin, completely down to the tiny features. She sounds like Hyunjin too, her voice the perfect balance between lilting and raspy. And she feels like Hyunjin, Heejin wouldn’t mistake Hyunjin’s large hands for anyone else’s. So she looks like her, sounds like her, feels like her? Surely that means-

“Oh fuck-“

Her vision goes black, and that’s the last thing she sees of the night.

-

Heejin’s mouth is dryer than a desert when she wakes up.

Her vision moves in and out of focus as she comes to her senses. There’s already a headache pounding insistently at her head, eyes flinching at the faint light coming from behind her blinds.

Her room looks exactly the way she left it before the party, except now she’s in bed in the same clothes she left in, and she has no idea what time it is.

She reaches blindly at her nightstand until she finds her phone, bringing it up to her face only to cry out in pain as the fully lit screen blinds her eyes.

The headache persists harder, and she clutches her head as she looks around further and finds a glass of water and two aspirin. She kicks herself into high gear and practically shoves the pills down her throat and gulps down the glass of water like a maniac. She’s left breathless after the whole deal – also not helping the headache – and crashes back into her mattress. She maneuvers her phone so that she can lower the brightness without looking too much and finally takes a look at her notification screen.

104 New Messages from 10 Friends and their MOM Haseul

4 Instagram Messages

6 New Snapchats

9 New Emails

She groans, not in the mood to deal with any of that right now. She glances at the time, sighing gratefully when she sees that it’s only 2 o’clock, and she has plenty of time to relax.

She forces herself out of bed, letting out old man grunts with every movement but pushing through until she’s out the door and walking to her kitchen. By the absence of smell coming from the kitchen, she knows her parents are still out of town, and stretches victoriously at the thought of an empty house.

What she doesn’t expect though, is for her entire friend group to be sitting and standing around in her kitchen.

She screams – very loudly – which also causes the others to scream – very loudly – until Heejin realizes who is in her house.

“What the fuck are you guys doing here? Shouldn’t you be like, out, or something?”

They all look at her apprehensively, sneaking glances between each other as Chaewon comes to stand in front of her and take her hands.

She looks Heejin right in the eyes, something she’s not used to, and says in the most serious voice ever, “I need you to tell me everything you remember from last night”

Heejin widens her eyes at the seriousness in the atmosphere, glancing between her friends for any kind of explanation as to what’s going on. Chaewon squeezes her hands though, urging her to answer.

She stumbles, doing her best to remember anything that happened, “Um, I remember drinking a lot, and having a good time with you guys?”

Chaewon shakes her head, “After that. What do you remember after we all dispersed, and you left to go dance?”

She thumbs through her memory again, “I was really drunk at that point I don’t really remember anything. I remember someone getting punched? And then I was outside puking my guts out, and not much after that”

She watches Haseul slowly, slowly bring her hands up to cover her face.

“Do you remember the guy who started yelling at you?”

Heejin shakes her head, “Yeah, the fuck was his problem? I don’t even remember doing anything wrong to him”

“He was trying to put something in your drink and take you away somewhere, and he got mad when you wouldn’t focus on him cause you were super out of it”, Chaewon supplies, but that doesn’t make Heejin feel any better.

“Okay? So, who punched him? Was it Yeojin? She’s the only one willing to really throw hands, especially at a guy trying to roofie someone”

Everyone collectively shakes their head.

I’m starting to think they know something that I don’t.

“What do you remember after that?”

Heejin looks towards Sooyoung, “Someone took me outside, and I puked my guts out for ages, and I think they took me to sit outside somewhere? I think I thought I was dreaming at that point, it’s really foggy after that. Why are you guys acting so weird? Did something happen?”

She watches everyone grimace simultaneously, Yerim even looking on the verge of throwing up.

“Oh no…What did I do?”

“Um- Well-“

Chaewon starts, but Jiwoo suddenly stands up and guides Heejin to a seat around the kitchen island. She sits down next to her, slowly and carefully. She takes a deep breath, enveloping one of Heejin’s hands with hers.

“Hyunjin was at the party”

Heejin’s eyes practically bug out of her head, “What?”

“I invited her”

“Eh?”

“She was the one who punched the guy and took you outside”

“EH?”

“She was also the one you drunkenly ranted to for the rest of the night-”

“Oh no-“

“-About how you were in love with her”

The entire house is silent, not a single person taking a breath or moving a muscle. They all watch as the color drains from Heejin’s face, eyes widening to their biggest point.

Heejin feels every muscle in her body tighten and constrict, chest filling up with every negative emotion she’s ever felt. She grips at the countertop, watches in dismay as her friends grimace and prepare themselves.

In the distance, a group of pigeons flies away from their perches in trees, scared off by the sheer sound of Jeon Heejin’s screams.

-

“I think you should talk to her”

She scoffs, “You and everyone else”

“Heejin, seriously. You said a lot of shit to her, don’t you think she deserves an explanation or something? You can’t just go from best friends to nothing at all to being in love with her. She’s probably confused and just as tired as you are”

“How am I supposed to have a conversation about a conversation that I don’t even remember?”

Heejin isn’t used to being reprimanded by Jiwoo, yet it becomes more and more usual as recent events continue to cause turmoil in her head.

It’s been a week since the party, a week since ‘The Incident’, as Heejin is calling it, and she has yet to make any move to Hyunjin at all.

Why so, you ask?

She has no idea.

“It’s not even about the conversation Heejin. You need to tell her how you really feel! Wouldn’t you rather at least try than just sit here and wait for life to take her away from you? We’re about to graduate high school, nothing is going to be the same after this year. Don’t you at least want the opportunity to say something to her?”

They’re sitting outside for lunch today, as spring has begun to roll in and the chill of the day has been replaced with a calm heat.

Heejin looks out at the trees in the distance, notices how some of them are still bare and some are already beginning to blossom. She feels a lot like the bare trees, stripped down to the necessities and baring nothing else.

She’s spent all this time not knowing Hyunjin, watching from a distance and being fine with it. But now she knows the ins and outs of her brain, knows her reasoning for even the smallest of tasks, knows exactly why she is the way she is. She even knows what it’s like to have her lips pressed against her own, knows that it opens up whole galaxies inside her chest.

So really, why is she torturing herself like this?

Is it because she’s horrified of rejection from Hyunjin? She’s spent so long getting to know her, falling in love with her, what would she even do if her feelings weren’t reciprocated? Everyone keeps telling her that they are, but how do they know that? Who’s to say that Hyunjin was being truthful, or that she remembers everything that happened correctly? Heejin can’t really talk on that subject, but maybe she does owe it to Hyunjin. An explanation at least, she did save Heejin from being assaulted, she owes her that much.

Jiwoo gives her a pensive look, trying to thumb past all the barricades in her mind.

Heejin just rolls her eyes and sighs, pulling out her phone and bringing up Hyunjin’s contact.

Her fingers hover above the screen, thumbs twiddling as they try to figure out what to type. After a moment of thought, she asks Hyunjin to meet her at their usual spot at the river after school and immediately shuts her phone off, not wanting to see if there’s a reply or lack thereof.

“It’ll be fine, Heejin. Trust us on this one”

Heejin glares at her friend, “Right, because I totally trusted you before”

Jiwoo just shrugs, “Does the process really matter if the end goal is successful?”

“What the fuck? Yes?”

Jiwoo shrugs again, turning back to her lunch.

Heejin takes that as the end of the conversation and finally turns to her own lunch, using it as an excuse to not think about anything for the time being. She’s spent a week thinking about this whole thing, she already knows what needs to be said.

-

The second she hears shuffling behind her she stands from the bench, for no particular reason really, and watches as Hyunjin slowly comes into view.

She’s wearing all black, a hoodie dawned over her torso as the bite of winter has begun to eat away at their town.

She doesn’t look the greatest, Heejin can see it in the way her shoulders droop and curl in on themselves, and by the heavy bags underneath her eyes. She comes to stand in front of her, and neither of them says anything at first.

Heejin takes it as a moment to refamiliarize herself with the girl in front of her.

Two weeks may not be long in the grand view of things, but two weeks is a very long time without Hyunjin by her side.

She makes no move to sit down, only shoves her hands into her hoodie pocket and stares at Heejin’s chest.

Heejin doesn’t really know what to say, despite going over her own little script for the past few hours.

Then again, when has Heejin ever been good with words?

She takes a step closer to Hyunjin, slowly and cautiously as to not startle the girl. When she’s finally close enough to gain her attention, she brings up a hand to cup her soft cheeks.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjin”

Her voice breaks on the words, and her chest caves deeper at the sight of tears forming in Hyunjin’s eyes.

“I just don’t understand you, Heejin”

“What are you talking about?”

Hyunjin scoffs, looks up to the sky to try and rid the tears from her eyes, “What is it that you want from me? Was I just some game for you to play? Just a girl to try and seduce and mold? Have the past five months meant nothing to you? How can you say you love me but break my heart so much?”

Heejin frowns deeply, only now realizing the depth of her actions.

She’s spent too long being immature about this. She has to set this right.

She sits Hyunjin down, gripping her hands tightly until she finally looks her in the eyes.

“I only ever wanted your presence and your understanding. I wanted to know you, the real you hidden underneath all your facades. I wanted your love, whether it be platonic or something more. I wanted all those nights with you, all the bonding we’ve done, and every single trip to The Garden and every single night that I got to hold you in my arms. I wanted just as much as you did, at first. But then I realized that I wanted more. I wanted all of you, and I didn’t know if I could really have that because we never really talked about sexuality. I had no idea if you even liked girls when I kissed you, and I freaked out because I thought I had ruined anything that we had together. I thought I had lost your trust and crossed your boundaries, and I did what every coward does when they’re in danger, and I ran. I ran and got too deep into my head, and I thought that anything I said would never be enough to get you back. And that night, at the party, I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to forget about me being a dick, I wanted to forget that I wasn’t seeing you almost every day, that I hadn’t listened to your laugh or seen you smile or held your hand. I have no idea why Jiwoo thought it was a good idea to invite you because she knew exactly what I was going to do. But everyone told me what happened, about the things you said that I said to you. And I meant every word, whether you believe me or not. This whole time I’ve been trying to pretend that I haven’t been falling in love with you in every moment, and I guess it caught up to me. But I’m sorry, truly, for the things I’ve said and done”

She finishes her rant with a deep sigh, trying to gauge Hyunjin’s reaction in any way possible. The emptiness in her eyes is different than usual, Heejin realizes that it’s her fault, and she really wishes Hyunjin would just go ahead and reject her so this could all be over with.

It’s just above a whisper, and still only directed to Heejin’s lap, “Do you remember what you asked me?”

Heejin raises an eyebrow, “Which part?”

“After you asked if you were dreaming, you asked me something else. Do you remember?”

Heejin nods then, only faintly remembering, “I think I asked if you had ever been in love because I was trying to get out of the dream”

Hyunjin nods, pressing further, “Do you remember what I said in response?”

The air around stills, focuses in on this one moment. Heejin feels every hair on her body stand up, feels the butterflies start to swirl and her palms start to sweat. Hyunjin just looks at her, eyes wide and completely open and vulnerable.

Heejin glances between Hyunjin’s lips and eyes, unable to focus on one thing, “I remember”

Hyunjin sucks in a breath.

Heejin squeezes the hands in her grasp, “But I think I need to hear it out loud again, since I’m actually sober this time”

Hyunjin chokes on a sob and a laugh at the same time, throwing her entire body into Heejin’s and wrapping herself around her body.

Heejin pulls her as tight as she can, not wanting to ever let go again.

“I think I’m in love with you, too, Jeon Heejin”

It’s obvious that Heejin isn’t the greatest with words. This whole ordeal has only proven it further to her.

But maybe, just maybe, she can finally start to get good with them.