Chapter Text
Once Dean got Sam to bed, he sat on the edge and looked at his sniffling and coughing little brother. Sam looked over at his brother with tears in his eyes as his mouth gaped open. He started to hitch with his body almost thrown forward with the force of the sneezes that ripped from his body.
"Huh'tCSISH! Huh'ItcshsH! Huh'ITcshsH! Huh'TcsihsSHhh!"
Sam had lifted a hand during the fit and cupped it over his nose. He moaned as he looked around with tears now falling from his eyes. "Ugh, Deadn!"
Dean was already on it. He brought the tissues from the nightstand over to his brother and took out a handful. "Lower your hand," commanded Dean.
Sam made a grab for them with his other hand, but Dean swatted them away. "No, Sam," argued Dean with a firm frown as he pulled Sam's hand away from his face to reveal the mess underneath that clung to the underside of his nostrils and down his face.
Dean started to clean Sam's face up gently with touches from the tissue. Sam sniffled before Dean clamped the tissue over his nose and Sam almost growled in anger. "Blow, kiddo."
Sam complied since he had no other option. He quickly filled the tissue before Dean threw it on the floor and grabbed another one for Sam until he was done. Once they were finished Sam leaned back and closed his eyes.
"Not yet, Sammy," Dean chided as he grabbed Sam's knee and shook it gingerly. "We need to talk first."
Sam looked almost confused as he gazed over at his brother almost in surprise and humiliation at the same time. He hung his head. "Aboud whad?"
"About what's been going on with you," asked Dean.
Sam looked up at he shook his head ever so slightly. "Nodig."
"Dude, I can't understand you again." Dean pushed the tissue box even closer over to him. "Try again," urged Dean.
Sam made a face, just like Dean knew that he would, but took a few tissues out to blow his nose weakly. He clumped the tissue in his fist before he tried to turn as far away from his brother as possible. "Sam, what's been up with you and don't you dare tell me nothing since I know that's not true!"
The guarded look in Sam's eyes returned and for a second Dean didn't think that he would be able to get anything out of him. "Just stuff."
"Just stuff," echoed Dean as he threw his hands in the air. "That gives me absolutely nothing! You have to give me more, dude. Come on. Help me out. I can't help you if you don't help me."
Sam turned to look at him as he started to play with a prominent scar on the palm of his hand. "I just feel like I'm back there," he croaked almost silently.
Dean leaned forward a bit so that he could hear him. "You feel like you're back in Hell?"
"Don't make fun," Sam nearly snarled with his eyes narrowed to deadly slits.
Dean shook his head wild. "No way, man! I was not making fun, trust me. I know all about feeling like that, just not exactly like you do."
Sam didn't say anything as he continued to rub at the scar on his hand. He suddenly started to dig in with his nails in a desperate attempt to draw blood. Dean rushed forward and took his hands in his own before he could manage that. "Sammy. Stop."
"Let be go," Sam yelled.
Dean was suddenly glad that they were in Rufus's house alone and not actually in a motel or someone might think that Dean was trying to murder Sam by the way that he was yelling. "Sammy, I can't let you hurt yourself like that. What are you doing?"
"I need to feel pain," Sam snapped as he desperately tried to pull away from his brother. "That's how I know I'm here! If not then everything falls apart and I can't tell. You seem real, but you were also in the Cage. Lucifer told me I was stupid for thinking that you ever cared about me and that you wouldn't come back for me. Cas wasn't there and they killed me over and over and over again and they tortured us and fought us and used us for their games and amusement and when that didn't work they tried again and—“
Dean couldn't listen anymore. This was the most that Sam had ever spoken about what he had went through. Then again, Sam had been soulless for an entire year, but this was something completely different. This was scary beyond belief and both of them knew it. It was Hell hallucinations and flashbacks like never before. No one came out of Hell unscathed, let alone the Cage with no shit that they had to deal with.
"Sam, look at me," Dean urged when he realized that Sam was crying.
Sam reluctantly tipped his chin up at Dean as Dean continued to squeeze his hands as comfortingly as he knew how. "None of that was your fault and it's over now. You're with me and I'm not going to let anything that bad happen to you again, do you hear me?"
Sam looked at him with a vacant look in his eyes. In fact, it seemed that each of his eyes were going in two separate directions. He was spaced out and breathing funny. "Sam," Dean questioned.
Suddenly, Sam buckled forward in surprise at the force of his own sneeze. He managed to try and lift up his wrist, but Dean still had a hold of them so he ended up spraying Dean's hand. Dean quickly let go of him in the midst of the fit while Sam struggled to regain composure while sneezing into the crook of his arm now and pulling himself as far away from Dean as possible.
"Huh'tcsHsH! Huh'ITcshSH! Huh'TcshSH! Huh'ITcshsH! Huh'ITCshsh! Huh'TcshSH! Huh'TcshSH! Hut'CshSh!"
"Wow, Sammy, are you going for some sort of record," joked Dean as he rested a hand on Sam's shoulder.
Sam pulled away from him until the fit subsided. He let out a wheezy breath once he was done and Dean pulled out some tissues for him. "Here. You sound terrible," he sighed.
Sam took the tissues and blew his nose with a honking blow. Once he was finished he rubbed upward at his nose and sniffed hard. His eyes turned downcast and blinked his eyes almost in surprise. He looked almost tired once he was finished, but he still wouldn't look at his brother.
"Sam, can you look at me again," Dean requested.
Sam sniffled a few more times before he looked back over to Dean. "Sorry about your hand," he apologized as he licked his drying lips.
Dean shrugged his shoulders. "Don't worry about it," he reassured nonchalantly. "Now, I'm not finished with you. You're going to talk to me and we're going to figure it out."
"It's not something that can be figured out," Sam seethed. "I'm messed up and broken."
"Not to me," Dean replied as he sat beside him. "I mean, maybe a little, but it's nothing that we can't work through. You managed me when I came back."
"You're not as broken as I am," argued Sam brokenheartedly. "You never were."
"We will figure this out. That's a promise," vowed Dean as he squeezed his brother's shoulder. "Are you with me?"
Sam still looked beyond guarded, but he looked to his brother and nodded slowly. "O-Okay."
"We can figure out anything, just the two of us. Do you trust me?"
Sam wasn't entirely sure how to answer it, but he did manage a tiny smile as he coughed painfully into his fist. "Yes," he replied.
"Good! Now, scoot over," Dean snapped as he pushed against Sam's leg. However, Sam was so massive that he was basically dead weight and he hardly moved an inch, no matter how much Dean moved again him.
Sam looked more than confused. "Why?"
"Well, because you're stuffy and miserable and need rest. But, do you remember the only way that I could get you to bed when you were young," inquired Dean.
Sam looked confused as he gazed at his brother. "No."
"Then how about I enlighten you," Dean suggested as he looked on the top of the nightstand and picked up the book that Sam had been reading before he had gone to Hell.
Surprise showed on Sam's face. He instantly scooted over to allowed Dean to sit there. "Ender's Game? But you said that it confused you."
"Oh, it does," answered Dean with a chuckle. "But, it used to make you fall asleep when you were younger and I'm pretty sure that it still works now."
Sam didn't say anything as Dean tightened the covers around him and instantly started to read where they had left off where Ender finally got his own Squad called Dragon Squad.
"Wait," Sam suddenly exclaimed as he tried to push the book away so that Dean had to stop reading.
"What's wrong," Dean fretted.
Sam instantly turned as far away from Dean as possible as he lifted a fist and pushed it against the underside of his twitching and streaming nostrils.
"Huh'TcshSH! Huh'ItcshSH! Huh'ITcshsH! Huh'TcshSHs!"
"Bless you," Dean whispered as Sam grabbed the tissue box and pulled out a few. He blew his nose weakly when he turned back to his brother, almost snuggling against Dean's shoulder like he had done when he was five. "Ready?"
"Ready," answered Sam in a croak.
Dean started to read again, but this time it was Sam's snores that brought him out of his reading. He looked down to his brother and stroked the top of his messy hair. However, he knew that he couldn't move since Sam was resting so comfortably, but that was fine. He settled against him and closed his eyes as he waited for sleep.
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Dean awoke to someone shaking his shoulders. He looked up and smiled when he saw Bobby standing over him. "Bobby," he whispered before he looked to Sam, who was still snuggling on his shoulder with his mouth gaping open and his nose streaming. "Don't wake up Sam."
"I wouldn't dream of it," Bobby whispered as he looked at the shivering mess of brother next to Dean. "So, how is he?"
"About as good as you would expect," answered Dean with a sigh.
"Meaning?"
"He's broken, but we're going to figure it out."
Bobby gnawed at his lip. "And what if this isn't something that you can fix like a cold?"
"I at least have to try, Bobby," argued Dean as he, once again, ran his fingers through Sam's sweaty hair as Sam mumbled in his sleep. Dean caught something about 'Michael', 'chains', and 'blood', but he had no idea what that meant. If only he could have a small insight into the brain of Sam Winchester.
"I know that you do, son. I will help you and Sam in anyway that I can, but just be careful. I think that whatever is wrong with Sam, this is only the beginning."
Dean tried to pay Bobby no mind. He cared about Sam and was glad that he was back. He had to help Sam in anyway that he could since that was his fault. He would never give up on Sam. He just hoped that once Sam found out what had happened he wouldn't give up on him.