Chapter Text
“You’re changing, Takuto! Can’t you see that? At first you were so kind and considerate, but now it’s all empty words!”
He furrowed his eyebrows. His words now were so calm, but they had a different tone to them. Almost like he wasn’t afraid to walk on glass. “Didn’t you expect this? You said you watched all those films and read books on this. It’s inevitable.”
Rage engulfed you. Was he expecting this to fail this whole time? “Is it just because you got bored of me? Am I just the first of many to you?”
“No, but I can’t help it if you think that way.”
It’s almost like he never truly cared. “What happened?”
He was taken aback by those words, but only for an instant. Just as if the real him was buried deep enough within him that it only resurfaced for a second before drowning again. “Nothing happened. I just… don’t think this should keep going. This relationship’s run its course.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it.”
An unexpected sneer grew on Taekyung’s lips, “It’s the anniversary of his death, okay? And I reminded myself of how I used to be, and how I always will be. So just lay off.” In that moment you noticed him clutching something blue in his palm. That lighter… you’d seen it so many times when he pulled it out of his coat pocket.
“Your uncle?...” your voice faltered. An overwhelming sense of dread washed over you, replacing the anger built inside. “I’m so sorry I di-”
“Just don’t Y/N. I don’t want your pity, or anything from you. So can you just leave me alone?”
You don’t know what you felt then. Just… emptiness. Your blood ran cold and all that crossed your mind was the fact that he didn’t love you anymore. The freezing rain didn’t feel so cold anymore. The clouds were just crying for you. The wind didn’t feel so strong anymore. The air was just screaming your anger and frustration.
Maybe he was right. Maybe the relationship just ran its course. Or maybe… it should’ve never happened.
Holding on the camera, you gave it a once-over.
His voice pulled you out of your thoughts. “Hey, did you want to get something to eat?”
“Huh?” Your head snapped over and your gaze fixed on his.
“Do you ever miss it?” You ask randomly.
You’re sure everyone has experienced the after-sex thoughts. You know… that moment you two are next to each other and staring at the ceiling, the heavy comforter wrapped around you, and you both have the most random thoughts.
It’s almost like those thoughts you have when you’re high, but much more realistic. Maybe it’s nostalgic, or perhaps philosophical.
“Hm? Miss what?”
“Us…”
You were also very bold after sex.
“Well,” Taekyung chuckled, “I was actually trying to say that earlier.”
You furrowed your brows. Shit, he was trying to say he missed you but you shut him up. Turning your head towards him, you could see him staring at you, reading you. “Not…,” with just looking at him in such close proximity, you couldn’t say anything else.
And then he laughed. Awestruck, you reached out and covered his mouth with your hand. You hadn’t heard him laugh in so long, not even after you graduated college. He was usually stressed out with classes, even if he didn’t show it outwardly.
“Don’t laugh at me!”
“Why not? Your reactions make it so hard not to laugh.” He smiled then against your palm and looked straight into you, or at least that’s what it felt like.
Blushing furiously, you push him away and hand him the bag with his newly fixed camera inside. “Here… and yes, I’d like to go to get some food with you. There’s a new place I’ve been wanting to try if that sounds good.” It was your turn to laugh, “It’s no candy shop though.”
Taekyung scoffs at that, “Why do you seem to think I can’t eat anything other than sweets?”
You stop laughing and deadball him. “Really?”
Your arm reaches over the expanse of his chest after your body falls to his side. Both of you were panting, no words flowing out as usual.
Silence enveloped you both as a sort of calming wave. In an exhausting wave.
You had read some material on riding before coming over his place because the prospect and idea of it scared the hell out of you. How were you going to fit onto that?
In the end, of course, it worked out. Taekyung was patient and even guided you through sinking onto him. Feeling his girth and length in you pulsed your body with pleasure so much that you didn’t want to get off.
That is… until you started moving.
The insides of your thighs burned with intensity the longer you bobbed on his cock. Your muscles clenched harshly, making you want to stop but you couldn’t. Watching his head thrown back with such a ‘o’ expression and hearing his loud and soft pleas for you to keep going made you do just that.
Draping yourself over him after, you felt a surge of satisfaction and confidence.
He apparently felt the same as his long and slender fingers cradled under your chin, tilting your head to face him. He was smiling viciously.
At that moment you became increasingly aware of the profound scent of sex sticking to you both. His normal, warm scent of vanilla and warm spice was overshadowed by his musk. But somehow you really missed that comforting oriental mask he wore.
“Ah!” You wriggled off his torso and rolled over to the other side of his bed, rummaging through your bag. Hearing Taekyung grunt softly forced you to dig through your bag faster, fetching out two cherry lollipops.
Quickly turning back over, you held one out to him. His eyebrows shot up in question, “A lollipop?”
Snickering, you unwrapped your own and popped it in your mouth, making a show of how your tongue twirled around the candy ball. “It’s for you… I was reading about habits and traditions yesterday and I saw that there are couples that do certain things after sex like a routine.”
His eyes widened as mine did the same. A couple? We… we weren’t a couple anymore.
It also seemed like what happened earlier this morning had no effect on him, on how his lips curled into that nonchalant smile. Like nothing could bother him, and that stung just a little bit more than it should.
He seemed to completely ignore your statement. “So you’re suggesting we have lollipops every time we have sex?”
To save yourself the embarrassment, you continue the conversation. Grinning, you reply suggestively, “Yep! I think this brand in particular is about to have a shortage in stock….”
Taekyung growled lowly and snatched the candy out of your hand, making haste in unwrapping it and shoving it into his mouth. “I’ll make sure every time I even suck on one of these, I’ll be thinking of you. Because what you just said really turned me on.”
“So was it a lunch place you were thinking of going to?”
Even on your breaks at work, you rarely went out to eat. You couldn’t seem to muster up going out and seeing people. That’s why you were happy at least when your boss put you by yourself at the shop. You hated the constant need for talking with your coworkers or even with customers.
“Hm.. something like that. It’s a cafe that I’ve heard about recently.”
“Sounds nice, very much like you.” You knew he liked coffee from the times you both went to the university cafe after his classes.
You both walked in silence to the point where it felt… comfortable. Familiar, even. All throughout your life with him you had moments where you just walked and didn’t say a word. Living and being in each other’s presence was enough.
The cafe wasn’t too big or busy. It was modern but pleasant. There weren’t too many people in there so the conversation you were probably about to have could go anywhere without the need for privacy.
“What kind of coffee do you like?... Is what I would usually say but I feel like I already know.” He smirked for once, as if no matter how long it had been, he was able to read you like an open book.
You chuckled and challenged back, “Oh? And what would that be?”
“Blonde roast with some almond milk. And just a couple pumps of vanilla.” Taekyung flitted his eyes down to yours and smoothed the crease he had in his forehead. “Tell me if I’m wrong.”
You stared at him in silence, as you have numerous times in the past, with admiration and shock. How had he remembered? Were you that important to him, to his memory, even now?
The feeling of your importance to him quickly quelled as Taekyung’s eyes went wide and his face flushed. The energy around him seemed to constrict as well as his movements around you. His eyes tore away from you in an instant, looking straight ahead at the door behind you. Even though you already knew what awaited behind you, you still turned to see him. The one who truly held a place in his heart.
Haesoo.
He was… in short, beautiful.
Depression hit you like a train. The standard breakup tactics and coping mechanisms weren’t helping. You didn’t have that many friends in your hometown so you couldn’t even go to them for advice… except one. Arisa was always someone you could count on for numerous “friend” things, but not heartbreaks.
The first thing she told you to do when you balled your eyes out to her was to “get a grip”. And she suggested going out to a karaoke bar with her to sing and eat your sorrows away. Only the noise and constant banter with the boys surrounding her made you even more sad.
“Isn’t he so cute? I heard his dad is the leader of the school committee.”
“Why don’t you go home with that guy instead?”
“Takato wasn’t even that cute anyways… just get over it.”
“You’re souring the mood so much, Y/N.”
You just wanted everything to stop. No one else was attractive to you anymore. Every other person you looked at was so dull and shallow. Your thoughts were always in a fog with only Taekyung’s face in the mist. What was wrong with you?
Were you just so truly desperate and lonely all you could think about was him? It felt so… pathetic. You were pathetic. How could you just be so dependent on him even now when he’s gone?
That’s right.
He’s gone.
And you’re gone too.