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The days blend so easily in the apartment. Eiji can barely remember what happened yesterday and what he's supposed to do today. It's a pattern he's accepted as a part of life.
Right, Ash is gone. He never said what he was doing, just left and reminded him some of the gang was coming over. Eiji doesn't mind, they're fun and he thinks they're slightly scared of him. Anyone that could hold Ash's gun, slap him to wake him up, and stay in an apartment with him was like a god to them. It's because of Ash's fondness for him that they're terrified of what will happen if he leaves.
They're lucky Eiji is stubborn.
He spends the morning cleaning and taking pictures of the men that enter the building next to theirs. He tries to shower but his mind wanders and he doesn't feel cleaner when he steps out. The gang doesn't stop by until late afternoon.
It's just three of them, the ones Ash trusts the most to be around Eiji. They all appreciate Eiji, even if they never say it aloud. He's a change of pace, an anomaly. Bones is holding a bag full of beer cans when Eiji lets them in.
"Hiii Ei-chan!" He smiles, and Eiji isn't so weirded out by his lack of teeth anymore. They all sit on the couch and talk amongst themselves about things going on outside the apartment, things precious little Ei-chan shouldn't have to worry about.
(Eiji tries his hardest to stop that line of thinking but it always pushes its way forward, sadistically reminding him how he doesn't belong here. They don't mean anything when they make comments like that. Stay quiet. Stay good. )
Eventually they pull out the cans and start drinking. Not enough to get drunk, but enough to be slightly tipsy. Alex asks him how he's doing, and Eiji smiles and says everything's alright. He ends up grabbing a can despite their protests —it goes against their ideas of who Eiji is— and nearly downs it. He won't correct them, because he likes to believe he doesn't drink that much to begin with.
(He won't mention how his sister had to scream at him during a low point in his life. A time when he was told he couldn't fly and he tried turning to alcohol to mask the pain he felt. "You're going to slowly kill yourself like Tou-san and then I'll be all alone!")
Eiji can't remember how much they drank. It's darker outside, and the plastic bag Bones brought is empty yet there's still cans littered around. ( Fridge , Eiji thinks at some point.)
The topic has changed so much that no one knows what they're even saying anymore. Bones leans back against the soft couch and looks at Eiji. "Japanese people are so chill. I mean," He gestures vaguely in Eiji's direction, "You haven't complained like, once, since you got here. It's so nice! Everyone else won't shut the fuck up."
Eiji smiles sheepishly at the comment as it proves his ideology correct. Alex frowns but opts to sip his drink instead. Bones continues his drunken rant about Eiji, and it turns out the gang really likes to talk about him. "It's always ‘Eiji this, Eiji that’ and I love you man, but it gets so annoying when it's all they talk about."
"But look at him! He looks like a bunny rabbit!" Kong whines, jabbing a finger into Eiji's face by accident. "He's too good for us, man!"
Bones nods furiously in agreement. "He's a blessing. Like a, um," he trails off for a few seconds as he loses his flimsy trail of thought, "just a really soft… cuddly pillow!"
Eiji shifts away from Kong as the two begin talking about him like he isn't there. He probably wasn't in their drunken minds. Alex sighs as the two go on about the klutzy Japanese in front of them. Eiji ignores them and tries to get the last few drops out of the can.
Maybe it's because he hasn't been this drunk in a long time, but something about the whole situation is funny. Surrounded by gang members, living in some fancy apartment, the gnawing feeling in his gut, it all feels surreal. A hazy fever dream, like he'll wake up any moment in his tiny bedroom in Izumo and hear his sister yelling at him from downstairs.
The situation is hilarious, Eiji thinks, and so he laughs. It comes out of nowhere and causes Bones to jump slightly but Eiji laughs. He clutches his sides and just laughs because nothing feels real anymore. He closes his eyes as he feels them brimming with tears and he manages to put the can he's holding on the table.
Bones is still twitching and afraid to say anything, Alex is taking too long to assess the situation (which Eiji gives him the benefit of the doubt because drunk Japanese men are probably the least of his worries), and it's up to Kong to try and interrupt Eiji's manic laughter.
"Are you ok?"
Three words. It takes just three words to get Eiji to fall apart. He rubs his damp face and feels the tear stains. It doesn't matter where he goes, Izumo, America, it's all the same. All his talk about being an anchor for Ash when he's the one drifting off at sea. He doesn't get the luxury of an anchor.
"'S all the same." Eiji mutters because it's rude to not answer when someone asks a question. "It's all the same. ‘Oh Eiji is such a nice guy, Eiji is so happy-go-lucky! Eiji can’t be in a bad mood!’"
"Well, you know what?!" He screams, the others flinching at the sudden change in voice and tone. He continues his drunken ramble, because like it or not, people are listening . "Eiji CAN be in a bad mood. And right now... Eiji in a bad mood."
The tears return as the truth finally makes it out. His mind finally recognizes the danger of being this vulnerable. They're gonna tell Ash, they're gonna make him go home, he doesn't want to go home—
"What the hell is going on here?"
Ah, speak of the devil and he will appear. Although Ash isn't a devil, Eiji finally understands that phrase now. He furiously rubs at the tear stains as again as the gang tries to explain what just happened.
- ········
It's nearly ten when Ash makes it to the apartment door. He's exhausted, and he'll have to apologize to everyone when he's inside. The job shouldn't have taken that long but life has a strange way of ruining your plans. Maybe if he's lucky Eiji's asleep.
He quietly steps inside just in case, careful not to be too loud. He can hear someone talking, well, more like muttering. They're all probably drunk, which he could work with.
"Oh Eiji is such a nice guy, Eiji is so happy-go-lucky! Eiji can’t be in a bad mood!" A sarcastic voice mocks as Ash makes his way to the living room. He sees the gang extremely drunk, as he expected, but what he didn't expect was Eiji holding a beer can, just as drunk as the others. If Ash was being honest, he looks like shit. He didn't look like that this morning, did he?
"Well, you know what?!" Eiji screams, and it shakes Ash to his core. So much for the idea Japanese were reserved. Now that he thinks about it, Eiji rarely screams. Alcohol has seriously loosened him up if he's acting like this. Eiji's face softens up slightly as he continues.
"Eiji CAN be in a bad mood. And right now... Eiji in a bad mood."
Eiji shocks him again when, out of nowhere, he starts crying. Seeing Eiji cry is like having Mothman slap you in the face. It's unexpected and could possibly happen, but you never prepared for what would happen if it actually did. The gang is staring at him wide eyed, they haven't prepared for this possibility either. Ash has enough and loudly clears his throat.
"What the hell is going on here?"
Everyone except for Eiji looks up at him. His glare softens at the sight of Eiji desperately trying to wipe tears away, but it hardens as he looks at the rest of the gang. They're all rightfully mortified.
"We didn't mean to make him cry!" Kong yells, on the verge of tears himself. Bones nods furiously in agreement, "We're sorry, Boss!"
Ash turns to his second in command, who looks slightly less drunk than the others. "Take them home." He orders, and Alex nods and ushers the other two away. Ash follows them to lock the door and turns his attention back to Eiji, who was hugging his knees and sniffling.
"I'm sorry." Eiji whispers, Ash doesn't know if he's talking to him or himself. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I don't wanna go…"
Ash hesitantly steps forward and bends down on the floor next to him. "You're not going anywhere." There's a plane ticket hidden somewhere in the apartment and Ash tries not to think about it. Eiji looks at him, and he somehow looks even younger, like a little kid that just got caught doing something bad.
"Are you mad?" Eiji asks, eyes filled with so much worry that Ash's heart breaks. He shakes his head, "No, never. I'd never be mad at you."
"A quiet boy's a good boy." Eiji sways a little, arms still wrapped around himself. "I wasn't quiet, I wasn't good. I'm sorry."
"Who told you that?" Ash asks, his concern growing every time Eiji speaks. Eiji doesn't say anything, just continues slowly swaying and tries to make himself smaller. Ash isn't sure anything could've prepared him for this. He feels like an idiot, thinking about all those times he and Shorter would joke and poke fun at Eiji's supposedly perfect childhood. Never had it crossed his mind that it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. And Eiji never corrected them either, just smiled and nodded along with whatever stories they could come up with, allowing himself to become a caricature of someone "perfect".
He isn't sure he's the right person to comfort Eiji. But then Eiji holds out his hand and Ash would have to truly be the devil to refuse him. Eiji wraps his arms around him and Ash could only copy the gesture as Eiji starts to cry again. This is the most emotion he's shown in days.
"I'm supposed to be your anchor." Eiji babbles. "I'm supposed to be helping you and I can't even help myself. I feel like I'm drifting away, Ash. If I can't help you then what's my purpose? Why am I here?"
Ash hugs him tighter. Did Eiji truly believe he couldn't tell him? And Ash knows he's been selfish, forcing Eiji to stay in this apartment and not questioning why Eiji wouldn't question it. How long has Eiji kept these feelings bottled up?
"I got you." He whispers, and he can feel Eiji tremble. "I've got you. You've helped me so much, you've helped all of us. Let me be your anchor too."
Eiji shakes his head. "I don't wanna be a burden–"
"You're not a burden." Ash cuts him off. "I want to help you, but I can't unless you let me."
Eiji goes silent again, before quietly telling Ash he doesn't want to sleep on the couch. Ash smiles and helps him up, allowing Eiji to lean on him as they make their way into the bedroom.
"Can I be selfish?" Eiji asks as Ash grabs the blanket at the foot of the bed.
"Anything you want."
"Stay with me?" Ash can't say no to that. He lies down next to Eiji and wraps the blanket around them. Eiji buries his face into Ash's chest, and all he can do is hold Eiji as he slowly closes his eyes and begins to drift off.
"Please don't leave." It's so quiet Ash almost doesn't hear it. It wasn't meant to be heard, but Ash listened anyway. The guys can handle things on their own for one day. He's going to absolutely spoil Eiji, even if he doesn't remember tonight. It's the least Ash can do for him.
He focuses on Eiji's soft breathing for a while. He's mad at someone, or something. Ash decides on the world. The world, for making Eiji feel like he can't talk about his pain, for making him think he wasn't helpful, for hurting him and making him think he has to suffer in silence.
He's definitely going to spoil Eiji tomorrow. He'll be hungover, and Ash will make breakfast for him and he won't leave his side for the entire day.
He doesn't let go of Eiji for the rest of the night.