Work Text:
Burning House
I had a dream about a burning house
You were stuck inside
I couldn"t get you out
I lay beside you and pulled you close
And the two of us went up in smoke
They stood in her room, a place that was once a safe haven for the couple, and witnessed it all come crashing down again right before their eyes. Once again they were powerless to stop it, and neither really wanted to be emotionally pummeled for what felt like the hundredth time. Nick used to think nothing could touch him on that upper floor of the Spellman Mortuary. He took solace in Sabrina’s bed with its iron headboard, delicately laid beneath the rose window. In their more intimate moments he’d pull her close and she’d lay on his chest, kissing the place where his heart beat for her. But he could see clearly now that even the dark and retched feelings could make their way up those winding steps too. Especially when many of them were carried up there on the backs of the two of them.
They had been keeping their distance as best as they could, Sabrina once again spending more time at Baxter High than the Academy. Nick had taken the summer off to travel and clear his mind. But the way his heart skipped a beat every time he saw her didn’t change. And for her? Well that candle didn’t do a damn thing.
Sabrina hated him for the things he’d done, said. But she loved him too for his other actions, other words. She saw Nick everywhere at the Academy: the choir room, the front steps, that fucking lunch table. She avoided the dorms completely, too afraid to go near his room. Even when he was gone she didn’t go anywhere his memory might be lingering. And even oceans couldn’t keep Sabrina out of Nick’s mind. He thought every blonde he saw was her, every pastry he came across reminded him of her vanilla-sugar lotion. The nightmares were the worst of it. He thought if he got out of Greendale they’d stop, but they hadn’t. He’d seen her every night he was away, twice if he managed to fall back asleep. Sometimes she’d be burning to a crisp right in front of him, in some she’d disintegrate like mist and fall through the cracks of his fingers. He tried and tried to save her but most times he didn’t make it in time. When he did, she died anyways right there in his arms. In one he woke up sputtering, swearing he was coughing up water. He had tried to save her from drowning, but like always he failed, her hand reaching up for his as she sank deeper into the sea. In others Amalia killed her, sometimes he did. But the worst were the ones in which they were happy, her head hanging back in laughter because he’d messed up something mortal or made some innuendo. Those were the hardest to go through because when he awoke he knew it wouldn’t be real.
Nick had initially shown up to talk to her about what he had discovered about the terrors and make sure she was prepared. That was his cover at least. His real reason was that he needed to see her in person and up close to confirm that she wasn’t dead. That her existence wasn’t taken away from him too. So when more information came out about the looming threat he seized the opportunity, offering to be the one to tell her so he’d have an excuse to go over there.
He had knocked before entering because even though they weren’t together, he still wanted to keep his promise. She was surprised to see him as she hadn’t expected him to walk through her doorway ever again, her brain clouded with I hate you and I love you but I can’t do this anymore. Her breath caught in her throat when she opened the bedroom door. That happened whenever she got close to him these days because yes, he was so handsome. But it was less about his looks and more about his profound ability to love and to love her, and that she couldn’t kiss him that made it near unbearable to be around him. She cursed her body for the way it reacted, the way it was screaming at her heart and mind that she still wanted him. Needed him.
They questioned everything. Second guessed everything. Every comment, every look. But neither broached the subject. Nick was worried Sabrina had moved on, and Sabrina worried Nick had meant it when he said he didn’t want anything from her. So the tension between them built and built and bubbled and sparked every time they were in the same room. They could almost smell it, just as clearly as they could smell the potion from the Top Boy Competition. They were tiptoeing too close to the edge, a lightning storm in a drought. All it took was one little jolt for them to go up in flames, creating devastation and destruction in their wake.
Before they knew it Nick went from trying to teach her a spell to defending why he was there in the first place. When he said the word friends Sabrina sneered. The lightning strike. Nick didn’t like how it sounded coming off his lips either, but he hated the idea of her being nothing even more. But if he was honest, they were nothing. They’d barely spoken in months. Sabrina was off, yelling at him for having ulterior motives for showing up here and Nick was angry at her for once again throwing away what he had offered up, her reckless side shining through. Though this time she didn’t spit in his face, it still hurt all the same.
“I just want you to be informed, Sabrina. This is a huge fucking threat.” He yelled at her, trying to convince her and himself that the reason he came here was about logistics. And not because he’d been trying to find a reason, any fucking reason , to spend just a minute with her where she wasn’t dead.
“I don’t need you to take care of me, Nicholas. I’ve been doing just fine for months.”
While she could surely handle things herself, she knew her statement was a lie. First of all, he had taken care of her and the whole damn world when he became the Flesh Acheron. Secondly, the last few months had been horrible and she missed how he would show he cared with a brush of her hair or a crooked smile.
“Sabrina, you’re my-”
“I swear if you say friend.” Sabrina interrupted through gritted teeth.
“What do you want me to say then?” He asked her, taking a step forward. There had been considerable distance between them but it was shrinking now, like both of their resolve. They both resisted the urge to close the rest of the distance and fold into one another.
“We can’t be friends, Nick.” She stated not answering his question.
“Why not?” His challenge continued.
“You know why not.” Tears threatened to fall but she didn’t drop his gaze. Instead she took another step forward.
Nick opened his mouth to say something else, but the words didn’t come. The sound was immediately torn from his mouth with a flicker of red on Sabrina’s messy desk. The candle that sat next to her hairbrush and lipstick called out to him like a beacon, but one that would lead him headfirst into a mess of hurt. Sabrina followed the trail of his gaze and caught where it landed, heart stopping and then beating fast again as if its motions could turn back time. In that moment she kicked herself for just not throwing it away. It’d been months since she attempted the stupid spell in the first place, for the love of whoever why hadn’t she thrown it away? She wanted to run but was rooted in place in her room, as if her feet were glued to the floor. Her instincts told her to look away but like a fire or a car crash she couldn’t keep her eyes off Nick, the only thing she could do was wait for him to realize what she’d done.
It felt like centuries, the slow and steady steps Nick took towards her desk. Each creak on the floor was a nail in her coffin, a reminder of what Nick was about to find out. He knew before reaching it exactly what the candle was, but a small gust of hope existed in him, as tiny as a mustard seed, that it was an ordinary candle. No cord cutting spell behind it, just for decoration.
But as his fingers glided over the indentations Sabrina had made, his heart sunk, plummeting thousands of feet below the surface, as if attached to an anchor. He buried the mustard seed deep down knowing no matter how far he buried it, the soil was screwed. He’d still end up here, holding a red candle that proved Sabrina didn’t give a damn about him.
“Nick.” Sabrina started in a quiet, church-mouse voice. It was the voice she used when she knew she was wrong. She’d used the same one when confessing she’d done the mandrake spell, yet this hurt more. Then he’d been faced with the knowledge his time with Sabrina would be cut drastically short. But this, this showed that Sabrina did have centuries, she just didn’t want to spend any with him. The spell doesn’t actually work, Nick knew that, but that didn’t make it any better.
Nick looked up at her once, confusion and hurt in his eyes, but didn’t say anything. He just continued to twist the candle in his hands, staring at it in disbelief. He didn’t want it to be real. She didn’t want it to be real. As he twisted it further she knew it was all about to get much worse.
Earlier when he showed up in her room, she was okay with him hurting. She thought it might even make her feel better if he was miserable too. But now when she saw the pain painted over his beautiful face, etched into every line, she could hardly take it. She wanted the smirk there again, the crooked smile that he saved just for her and he tucked in his pocket for when she was having a bad day.
Nick stopped twisting when he saw it. There in his hands, staring up at him in Sabrina’s perfect font like a bright neon sign, was the mortal’s name.
Harvey
The name on the candle next to his was salt in his very deep wounds. Wounds that had existed ever since he met the boring miner who Sabrina loved. Still Loves. She must since his name was on the candle.
It seemed as if even more centuries passed before their eyes finally met. His were devoid of drugs or alcohol but heavy clouds still hung around in the dark orbs just the same, ready to pour down tears at any moment. Hers were heavy too and she felt physical pain as she witnessed his heart being torn a little further with each breath he took, with the bobbing of his Adam’s Apple, as she begged her brain to think of something to say.
“Nick, I’m sorry.” She managed to croak out. Her voice was quieter than he’d ever heard and it drew a deep sigh that didn’t quite right his slumped shoulders.
“I thought something like this might happen.” He finally spoke. His voice reminded her of when she’d killed Amalia, utterly devastated. “I had hoped you wouldn’t though.”
“Nick-”
“Guess I was right about you and Kinkle.” A sour smirk passed through his face and it didn’t look right on his face as he held up the candle. “It was never gonna be over between the two of you was it?”
“It was over, Nick. I…”. Sabrina paused as she tried to find an explanation as to why Harvey’s name was on there too. One that would get Nick to change the way he was looking at her. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting.
“Like I said.” Nick paused and pointed to himself and shook his head sadly. “Placeholder.”
“You were never a placeholder Nick.” Sabrina began to find her fire. She couldn’t allow Nick to believe that she hadn’t seen him as anything else other than a permanent fixture in her life. She had wanted forever with him. Not Harvey. “I loved you.” She was closer to him now and dared to poke him in the chest, a small point of contact that seemed to shock both of them for a second before the reality of the present returned.
Nick gave a self deprecating laugh at her claims of love. It made Sabrina’s stomach turn.
“Really?” He held up the red candle before tossing it on the bed as if it was lit and burned him. She cringed at it, wishing it would disappear and take her with it.
“I only did that because it hurt too much to lose you.” She dared look in his eyes. “It didn’t work anyways.”
“So you still love Kinkle too then?” Nick asked her point blank and crossed his arms.
“No.” She said firmly and his arms dropped, and she thought she may be getting through to him. “His name didn"t belong on it. Yours didn’t either but for a different reason. I never should have done it.” She admitted. He sighed deeply again and rubbed his face in his hands.
“Doesn’t change the fact that you did.” He said quietly, but still with an edge.
The air was tense and Nick’s face was sad and frustrated again, but not at her. He was frustrated at this fucking mess they found themselves in. He would give anything to go back to a time where their biggest issue was him showing up late to the movies. Heaven, he’d take a post-Lupercalia jealous Sabrina over whatever the hell this was. His frustrated face is what amped Sabrina up again.
“What did you expect me to do, Nicholas? After everything?”
He opened his mouth again but she cut him off.
“I loved you so much, Nick, more than I ever loved Harvey. I couldn’t take it when you called us friends or when I couldn’t talk to you anymore. You were there but you weren’t. Do you understand how much I would have done for you? I went to hell to save you, Nick.”
“I went there too and where did it leave me?” He retorted and fired back. “Traumatized and alone. Without you.”
“No.” She shook her head. “That was your choice. You ended the relationship.”
“Sabrina don’t you see?” He surprised them both by gripping her arms. He held her tight, but she could have gotten out of his grasp at any time. She just didn’t want to. “It was over the minute I came back from Hell.”
“What?” Her face twisted in confusion at his statement.
“When I came back I was messed up, Sabrina. I was not the same person I was before Hell. I wanted so badly to be a good boyfriend, but I couldn’t. I begged you to see that something was still wrong but you didn’t. You ran off to be queen of Hell and left me chained up in a room to detox. We didn’t stand a chance.”
“You didn’t have to give up.” She expressed to him. Memories of him nearly dead with green liquid dripping from his eyes played through her mind. She wanted to be angry at him for pointing out what she had ignored. But she wasn’t. At some point the air had transitioned from angered tension to a softer one, they were desperate to come to some sort of middle ground. She didn’t want to anger him anymore and even though the candle had hurt, he hated the tears that were in her eyes even more. His hands fell away from her arms but she grabbed his hand before he could hide it in his pocket. “You just had to talk to me.”
“But you were allowed to give up?” He questioned her in desperation too, talking about the candle while playing with her dainty fingers, but didn’t quite grasp her hand yet.
“I had to do something, Nick.” She shrugged and looked down at their slightly linked fingers. It was a small connection, the only thing they had right now and she didn’t want to let go. “Everything was crashing down around me. I know you weren’t yourself but you were the only thing I had left that made sense. To me you were still you. I was trying desperately to hold on to you, and when I lost you I-”
She took another deep breath as a tear finally fell from her eyes. Nick squeezed his other hand into a fist to keep himself from wiping it away. “I couldn’t take it, so I tried to erase it all without thinking about what came afterwards.”
“I’m sorry I pushed you away.” He breathed out and finally grasped her hand tightly. “I’m sorry you felt the need to cut the cord.” He backed away then.
“Nick-”. She stepped forward towards him, confused as to why he was keeping his distance again. She had thought they were getting somewhere. She reached for his hand again.
“Sabrina, don’t.” He warned gently and squeezed his eyes shut.
“You literally just apologized for pushing me away. Now you’re doing it again.” She pointed out. They both felt the slight sparks in her voice, the kindling still there.
“I shouldn’t have come.” He said simply and avoided her eyes. If he looked in them again he’d cave and pull her against him. And they both knew they weren’t ready for that.
“But you did.” She said. “You could have talked to me about the terrors at the next Coven meeting. Why come here, Nick?”
He glanced around the room and took it all in. Deep down he knew he showed up because he still loved her and he wanted to simply see her in her bedroom, confirm she was alive and maybe start the journey back to each other. But he hadn’t expected the candle. And he hadn’t expected the pain and love etched across her face when she opened the door to him. He was certain his face matched hers in that moment.
“Honestly, I came here because I missed you.” He offered up. Her breath hitched in her throat as her mouth opened slightly, lips parted like the Red Sea in the false god’s book. “But also honestly, I’m kinda mad at you.”
“I’m not too happy with you either, Nick.” Sabrina grumbled and crossed her arms, pursed her lips and looked down at her feet and then spoke quieter. “But I miss you too.”
“I think we want the same thing, Sabrina.” Nick said to her. His words drew her gaze up to meet his. It was piercing, an arrow aimed directly for her heart. They didn’t have to say it, it would probably be unwise to say it as they couldn’t do anything about it. They were still in love with each other. Not just love, but in love. The kind of love that Lucifer and sex demons and red candles can’t eradicate. He sensed her hesitation though, her desire to take the easy way out again and close the distance. “Can you honestly say you’re ready?” For their relationship. She knew that’s what he meant. She thought for a moment, but she knew he was right. If they tried again now they’d mess it all up again. Today proved they could hardly have a conversation without yelling.
“No.” She answered and uncrossed her arms, opening herself slightly to him again.
“Me either.” He shrugged and a tiny, crooked smile appeared on his face. He gently touched her face once for a second before he slipped his hands in his pockets, a gesture he used to do to put her at ease. It worked this time too. After another sigh he spoke again. “I should go.” He said but made no move to leave. She nodded her head at him in agreement before he finally turned around to head down the stairs. He paused in her doorway and turned to her one more time. “I’m not giving up this time, Spellman.” She smiled a small smile as her eyes met his.
“I won’t either, Nick.”
He left then, heading back down the stairs and to the academy. Things weren’t fixed by any means, they still had a lot of shit to work though. He was certain they didn’t completely trust each other. But now instead of anger and fire ruining the ground, rain was coming. The purifying kind. The soil was getting better and he could finally plant that mustard seed with the knowledge that the hope would come through.
They would pull through.