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Nicky was bouncing when Neil entered the student commons. This in itself wouldn’t have been all that concerning, but Nicky was bouncing on a Monday morning. Classes hadn’t even started yet.
This is not going to be good, Neil thought as he settled next to Aaron on one of the common couches.
“Guys!” Nicky exclaimed, getting Aaron to reluctantly look up from his biology textbook. “They finally released the theme for prom!”
While that didn’t mean much to Neil, Aaron perked up considerably. “Really?”
Nicky smiled. “Yes, my dear little cousin! Now you baby juniors can finally join us seniors for the best night ever!” He paused. “Wait, you want to go? I thought I’d have to drag you.”
Aaron turned bright red. “I was thinking of asking Kevin.”
“Day?” Andrew’s voice came from behind them. Andrew swung himself over the couch and landed right next to Neil, their shoulders pressed together. “You and Kevin Day are going to prom.”
“Well I haven’t asked him yet! But… yeah. I hope so, anyway.”
Nicky beamed. “He’ll say yes, Aaron, he’s borderline obsessed with you. Anyway, the theme is ‘Fire and Ice.’”
“What does that mean?” Neil asked, his interest officially peaked. At Palmetto High School, only juniors and seniors were allowed to attend the night of music, dancing, and dressing up. It seemed like fun, even to someone like Neil whose typical idea of fun was running around the track in solitude. At the very least he knew it would be a great people-watching opportunity.
“Probably like a bunch of orange and blue decorations, which actually sounds hideous now that I’m thinking about it,” mused Nicky. “But it could be fun inspiration for you guys’ matching outfits! Neil, you’re like fire with your hair and Andrew’s like ice because… well, you know. He’s icy.”
“Why would we wear matching outfits?” Andrew asked before Neil could protest that Andrew was very much not ‘icy.’ He was soft and warm and thoughtful, but now he was saying, “We’re not going.”
The image of him and Andrew in matching suits disappeared as Neil's heart sank. We’re not going.
Nicky’s face fell. “What do you mean you’re not going? Neil, don’t you want to go? It’ll be so fun, you never have fun.”
Neil just shrugged, unsure of what to say. Why had Andrew dismissed the idea so quickly?
“We don’t need to dress up and be stupid with the rest of the school to have fun, Nicky,” Andrew said, sounding bored out of his mind.
“Damn, Andrew,” Aaron snorted. “Even I want to go. It’s like one of the few nights of high school that makes it all actually worth it. Supposedly, anyway”
“And there’ll be fun after parties!” Nicky was bouncing again. “With alcohol!”
“Nicky, we’re all sixteen and you literally just turned seventeen so maybe don’t yell about alcohol,” Neil said quietly, finally finding his voice. He didn’t want to get in trouble for something that didn’t even involve him. Because apparently, ‘ We’re not going.’ Neil felt Andrew’s gaze turn on him, but couldn’t find it in himself to meet it.
Nicky frowned. “Sorry, Neil. But also prom is not till May, you guys still have a couple weeks to really decide if--”
“Bye, guys,” Neil cut him off. “Gotta go to class.” He shoved his headphones in his ears before fleeing to his calculus classroom.
After passing through the first half of the day’s classes in a daze, Neil grabbed his lunch from his locker before ducking away to an empty classroom to eat alone and feel sorry for himself. It was hard to wrap his mind around the idea that something as trivial as prom was what was making him feel like this. Neil had had more than enough tragedy in his life, but apparently even having your mobster father murder your mother when you were ten didn’t make a person immune to the trials of regular teenagers.
Neil had met Andrew and his family when they were kids. After his mother’s death and his father’s arrest, ten-year-old Neil had been dumped into his Uncle Stuart’s hands. Stuart had moved himself and Neil to a small South Carolina town, where they quickly got to know their neighbor Betsy Dobson and her adopted sons: twins Andrew and Aaron, and their cousin Nicky.
With a gentle push from Stuart, Neil started going over to the Dobsons’ house to play with the boys. They grew up and grew closer, particularly Neil and Andrew, who would always go off on their own to explore. They understood each other. Andrew had had a rough beginning in foster care before Bee adopted him, and he didn’t seem fazed by Neil’s past, nightmares, or scars. The two grew closer and closer. Andrew came out to Neil when they were thirteen, buzzing with nerves and looking like he was about to throw up. Neil had been quick to assure him that Andrew was still his best friend and that his sexuality didn’t change anything between them.
Except then everything changed between them when Neil realized he had feelings for Andrew as they entered high school. After lots of fumbling, misunderstandings, and awkward conversations, Andrew and Neil had officially started dating in their sophomore year of high school, five years after they’d met. Andrew had brought Neil up to the roof of the school to show Neil the flourishing roof garden he’d found there.
“I like you, Andrew,” Neil had blurted out, fed up with the tension that had been building up between them for months.
Andrew had paused in his inspection of a monstera plant before meeting Neil’s gaze head-on. “I like you, too,” he’d said.
It had been almost one and a half years since that day. Months of kisses, laughter, and memories that Neil couldn’t believe were his. And now he was here, avoiding his boyfriend in an empty classroom trying to work out what exactly had him so upset about prom. Of course Andrew didn’t want to go, he hated being around people, forget dressing up and dancing near them. But… he hadn’t even asked Neil if he wanted to go. And Neil was surprised to find that maybe he did. Frustrated, he slumped over on the desk he was sitting at and buried his head in his arms for the rest of the lunch block.
He didn’t see Andrew for the rest of that day. He knew it was stupid, and if Andrew hadn’t already picked up that something was wrong that morning, he definitely knew something was wrong now. The last time Neil had ignored him like this had been back in freshman year when he was still coming to terms with his feelings for Andrew.
Rather than make his way to Nicky’s car in the student parking lot at the end of the day, Neil lingered in the cafeteria as people pushed past him to leave for the day. He caught sight of Aaron and Kevin sitting at one of the tables, Kevin’s arm slung around Aaron’s shoulders. Based on that scene, Neil suspected Kevin had happily agreed to go to the prom with Aaron. Good for them, he thought, only slightly bitter.
After a few moments, Neil decided to head up to the roof to sit in the garden. It had become his (and Andrew’s) safe space over the last year. Nobody ever seemed to be up here but it was kept in great shape so Neil assumed someone was maintaining it. He wasn’t too surprised to find Andrew already there, staring up at the sky. Neil couldn’t avoid him anymore, and truthfully he didn’t want to. He hated not talking to Andrew, hated feeling unsure in their relationship. It was time to be honest.
Andrew didn’t look at Neil as he approached. He’s mad, Neil’s mind helpfully supplied. He stood next to Andrew and fretted for a few seconds before settling on a tentative, “Hey.”
Andrew looked at him then, and Neil didn’t miss the lines of concern on his boyfriend’s seemingly blank expression. “Hey,” Andrew said dryly.
Neil sighed and slid down to sit next to Andrew on the floor of the garden. He had no idea what to say. They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity, Neil lost in his own confusing thoughts, until a hand on his arm jerked him back to the present. He looked down to see that he’d been twisting his shirt tightly in his hands, and quickly let go.
Andrew’s hand stayed on his arm. “What’s wrong, Neil?” he asked quietly.
Neil blew out a sigh. “I guess I’m still trying to figure that out myself.”
“You disappeared all day.”
“I know.”
“You didn’t respond to any texts.”
“I turned off my phone. I’m sorry.”
“Fuck being sorry. What happened?”
Neil tucked his legs and curled into his body. “I-- this morning, you said… when Nicky was talking about-- why’d you tell Nicky we weren’t going to prom?” The moment he blurted out the words he wished he could take them back. He sounded like a whiny child.
Andrew looked surprised for a moment before smoothing his face back into a neutral expression. “I didn’t think you’d want to.”
And that was just it, wasn’t it? Prom was not something even Neil himself had thought he’d want to go to. Not in a million years. But in the time he’d had to think about it, he’d realized that he wanted the experience anyway. “Me neither. But… I don’t know. It sounds… regular.”
“Regular.”
“Yeah, like… I don’t know. Nothing in my life has been just regular. I guess I want to know what it feels like, for one night at least.” Nothing in Andrew’s life had been that conventional either, but Andrew never seemed to crave the normalcy Neil did.
“You really want to wear itchy formal clothes, be forced to take pictures, and have to deal with sweaty teenagers making out all night?”
Whatever anxiety Neil had been holding in gave way to annoyance at Andrew’s tone. “I know it’s dumb, okay? I didn’t think I’d want to go either but I do and… well, I wish you’d asked me before you made that decision all on your own.”
“You can go without me, you know.”
Neil stilled. What? “Why would I do that?”
Andrew shrugged, this time being the one to avoid Neil’s intense stare. “I just wanted to remind you of that option.”
“That isn’t an option. It won’t be any fun without you.” And then realization hit Neil like a brick in the head, his brief annoyance fading fast. Prom would be absolute shit without Andrew, and Neil wasn’t about to force his boyfriend into doing something he didn’t want. Suddenly, Neil felt like an absolute asshole. “I don’t need to go, let’s just forget it. Really.”
Andrew raised an eyebrow. “You changed your mind really fast.”
“No, I just realized I didn’t want to force you into anything. In my head I thought it would be fun for you to dress me up and take pictures and then just make fun of everybody there. But it would suck if you were there not wanting to be, and it would suck even more if you weren’t there at all. It was more than just wanting to be normal, I wanted to go to prom with you to have a fun stupid night with you. But it wouldn’t mean anything if you didn’t want to be there. Plus, neither of us even know how to dance.”
Andrew’s expression was unreadable as he stared at Neil. “So, you really don’t want to go anymore?”
Neil shook his head, grateful for the sudden clarity. “Not if you don’t. I’m sorry again. I missed you today.”
Andrew reached out to grab Neil’s hand, and all thoughts of prom completely vanished from Neil’s mind.
“Hey,” Andrew said casually, shifting closer.
“Hey,” Neil smiled and leaned in. Yes, he thought as Andrew’s lips met his, this is all I need.
Days passed, and the buzz around prom only intensified. Promposals were dropping all over the student commons, heads huddled over tables to exchange dress details, and in general people were excited as the big day came closer.
Neil hadn’t really thought about it though. He listened to Aaron gush about his and Kevin’s matching bow-ties, and smiled as Nicky bounced around the commons when he learned his boyfriend Erik would be able to visit from college for the event.
Andrew didn’t bring it up when they were alone, so Neil considered that matter dropped.
The next Monday morning, Andrew didn’t show up to the student commons before class. Nicky and Aaron just shrugged when Neil asked them where he was. Neil pushed down a pang of concern. Neil had driven with them all to school today because it was supposed to rain and Andrew had been fine then. He’d just disappeared the moment they entered the building. Neil had assumed Andrew was grabbing something from his locker, but he hadn’t returned.
“He’s probably just finishing up some homework,” Aaron mumbled, scribbling down some last-minute answers of his own.
Neil nodded absentmindedly, shooting Andrew a quick text to make sure he was okay. Andrew didn’t respond. He didn’t show up for lunch either. Neil considered going up to the roof just to check, but if Andrew wanted to be found he would’ve let Neil know.
“Erik said he wants to get matching carnation corsages because carnations are a symbol of love,” Nicky sighed dreamily, biting into his sandwich.
“What flowers should we do?” Aaron asked Kevin, who was now apparently joining them for lunch. The two of them were obviously gone for each other, Aaron was wearing Kevin’s varsity soccer jacket and Kevin couldn’t take his eyes off him.
“Whatever you want,” Kevin murmured, smiling softly. Neil averted his eyes and went back to staring at his phone, willing Andrew to text him back.
The second the final bell of the day rang, Neil bolted up to the roof. Distantly, he felt guilty for putting Andrew through this exact thing a week ago. They weren’t the kind of couple to be with each other 24/7, but it was unnerving to have no idea where Andrew was. As he made his way through the green of the garden, Neil spotted a blond head by the monstera plant and let out a sigh of relief.
“You pulled a ‘me’ today,” he called out. Andrew turned around and Neil stopped short. His boyfriend was wearing a suit jacket. And holding flowers. What the hell?
“Andrew?” Neil questioned, walking to stand in front of him.
Andrew licked his lips and took a deep breath. “Here.” He shoved the bouquet of carnations into Neil’s hands.
“Thanks?”
“Nicky said they represent love or some shit.”
“Love, huh?”
“Shut up. Yes. Okay.” Andrew reached into his backpack and pulled out a speaker. After a few moments of fumbling, a song started to play. Andrew punched the volume button up before setting the speaker down. He looked at Neil expectantly. “You might want to put those down,” he gestured to the flowers.
Neil placed his flowers next to the speaker and turned back to find Andrew extending his hand.
“What the hell is happening?” Neil asked, staring at Andrew’s hand in confusion.
“I want to dance with you. Idiot.”
“You want to what?”
“Yes or no, Neil?”
Well, that was an easy question. “Yes.” Neil took Andrew’s hand and found himself pulled in close. Andrew’s right hand slid to rest at Neil’s lower back, and he picked up Neil’s left hand to rest on his shoulder before joining their free hands. Even in his surprise, Neil managed to catch some of the song’s lyrics.
‘Take my hand, take a breath. Pull me close and take one step.’
Andrew began to step in time to the music, pulling Neil along with him. He seemed to know what he was doing, swaying and turning just right. Neil was happy to be led around the garden.
‘Won’t you promise me? That you’ll never forget to keep dancing wherever we go next.’
Andrew spun Neil around, and Neil laughed, elated. He still had no idea what was happening, but he didn’t want it to stop.
‘It’s like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you.’
Andrew stepped them back just in time to avoid knocking over one of the pots. Neil hadn’t even noticed, had placed full trust in Andrew.
‘It’s one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do.’
“Since when do you know how to dance?” he asked as Andrew circled them around a patch of plants.
“Since you said neither of us could dance.”
Neil scoffed, but Andrew didn’t give any indication that he was joking.
‘So can I have this dance? Can I have this dance?’
“Are you serious? You learned how to do this in a week?”
“It’s not that hard. You’re just extremely uncoordinated.”
Neil bit back a grin. “You’re such a sap.”
‘Don’t be afraid, afraid to fall. You know I’ll catch you through it all.’
They slowed down, turning lazily in a circle. Neil hooked both his arms around Andrew’s neck and Andrew tightened his grip on Neil’s waist.
‘Take my hand, I'll take the lead and every turn will be safe with me.’
“Why’d you learn?” Neil mumbled into Andrew’s neck.
“You know why.”
“I actually don’t. I thought… we’d decided on no prom.”
“No, you said you didn’t want to go without me.”
“Yeah, and you didn’t want to go.”
“Technically I never said that.”
Neil pulled back to look Andrew in the eye. “I meant it though. I don’t want to go unless you do too.”
Andrew leaned in to kiss Neil’s cheek. “I want to make fun of people with you.”
Neil rolled his eyes. “Typical.”
“And maybe I want to do some of this too,” Andrew said, spinning Neil around before pulling him close again. “What was the point of learning all this if I can’t show it off?”
Neil huffed out a laugh, overwhelmed. “Hey,” he said. “Kiss me.”
Andrew leaned in just as a large drop of water fell on his nose. Followed by several others. Neil looked up to see the sky open up and rain down on them. They were drenched within seconds, and Neil couldn’t stop laughing. Andrew did kiss him then, and they took a few steps here and there as they made out slowly in the rain.
“Nicky’s going to be a nightmare about this,” Neil laughed, coming up for air and shaking water out of his hair. “Matching outfits are coming our way.”
“I can be an even bigger nightmare. Stop smiling so much,” Andrew grumbled against Neil’s mouth. Neil only smiled bigger and kept kissing his stupid, beautiful, sweet boyfriend.
They could still ditch prom, for all he cared. He had all he wanted right here.