6/3/2020 3:05PM 

To: [email protected] 
Subject: Our Condolences

Dear Lisa, 

On behalf of everyone at the Flitcroft Primary School Parent-Teacher Association, I would like to extend my condolences regarding your recent bereavement. Frederick was a valued, respected member of our team, and his loss will be deeply felt by all of us.

We will be having our next PTA meeting next Friday, where we plan to commemorate Frederick’s passing with a memorial service. We have a selection of letters from the community that we intend to bring to his grave for a reading. We at the PTA hope to honour him in what small way we can, and your presence at this service would be very welcome.

We are currently doing a small collection at the school for you and your daughter, but please let us know if there is anything else we can do. You can contact us any time. 

We look forward to your reply. 

Sincerely yours,

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL PARENT-TEACHER ASSOCIATION

An Affiliate of Flitcroft Primary School

———

6/3/2020 4:12PM 

To: [email protected] 
Subject: Re: Our Condolences

i’m sorry who are you?

———

6/3/2020 4:18PM

To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Our Condolences

Dear Lisa, 

My name is Kate Barkley; I am the current chairperson and parent liaison for the Flitcroft Primary School Parent-Teacher Association. I worked closely with your husband for the past two years - he was an excellent colleague and teammate, and a good friend. He will be missed - not just by me, but by everyone in the Association. 

Once again, my deepest condolences to you and Frankie. Please let us know if we can offer any help - and if we can expect you at the service next Friday.

Sincerely yours,

Kate Barkley

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL PARENT-TEACHER ASSOCIATION

An Affiliate of Flitcroft Primary School

———

6/3/2020 5:42PM

To: [email protected] 
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Our Condolences

right well thanks for the email KATE, but no bloody thanks. frankie and i dont need any help or pity from your “ASSOCIATION” or any holier than thou for show only “memorial service” or certainly any desecration of my dead husband’s GRAVE reaidng some shitty fucking letters from a bunch of STICK UP YOUR ARSE parents who didnt know red from JOB just because a couple of you hawked cupcakes at the annual summer carnival together or what the fuck ever doesnt mean you know any bloody thing at all about MY HUSBAND or what he wold have wanted after he fucking DIED

and you can take your condescendng little “collection” and go to hell with it too i can buggering well take care of my dauhgter and myself on my bloody fucking own

PISS OFF 

———

7/3/2020 10:22AM

To: [email protected] 
Subject: Sorry

Dear Kate,

I just want to apologise for my email yesterday. I don’t really recall what I said but I know it was awful and totally uncalled for. I wasn’t particularly sober while writing it and it was all the alcohol talking so please don’t take anything I said to heart. I’m sorry. 

Thanks for extending the invitation to Friday’s PTA memorial service but I just don’t think I’m ready to do that sort of thing yet. But I know Red would appreciate it so thank you. I hope it goes well. 

Sorry once again. Have a good weekend. 

Lisa 

———

7/3/2020 12:52PM

To: [email protected] 
Subject: Re: Sorry

Dear Lisa, 

No need to apologise. It must be a very difficult time for you right now, and we understand our email might have seemed insensitive. 

We’re sorry to hear that you won’t be attending the service, but we understand completely. Please know that the invitation still stands, and you’re always welcome if you change your mind. You are also welcome at all our future PTA meetings. 

All our thoughts and prayers are with you and Frankie. 

Sincerely yours,

Kate Barkley 

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL PARENT-TEACHER ASSOCIATION

An Affiliate of Flitcroft Primary School

———

27/3/2020 2:03PM

To: [email protected] 
Subject: Academic & Personal Welfare: Frankie Lawson 

Dear Lisa,

Some of us at the PTA have expressed concern about Frankie’s health and wellbeing. Some of her teachers and several of her classmates have mentioned that she is frequently listless in class and unresponsive to questions; you may also have noticed that her academic output falls far below expectations. On three occasions in the past month, she has been involved in verbal altercations on campus, one of which came close to becoming physical if not for timely intervention. 

We recognise that, in the wake of her father’s passing, she has reason to be acting out of character, and we believe her teachers must have spoken to you personally; however, we would like to extend our help and support. We understand that this is a sensitive issue, but we believe Frankie could benefit from grief counselling, and that it would be ideal to take advantage of the Easter break to help her prepare for the return to school. One of us on the PTA team is a professional therapist who specifically trained to work with children. She would be happy to take Frankie on for free - and if amenable, she can also provide contacts if you, too, would like to seek counselling. 

I understand that this might be overstepping a boundary, but - you said once that none of us knew Frederick the way you knew him just because we worked together on various PTA events. This is undoubtedly true; however, please know that all of us truly considered him a friend. When all of us talked about our children at our meetings, his love for Frankie was deeply evident. He wanted her to be safe, healthy and happy, above everything else in his life - something we believe you would know, too. It would hurt him to see her like this. 

Please let us know what you think. As ever, you have a standing invitation to all our PTA meetings, and we’re here to help with whatever you might need. 

My personal number is 020 7946 0495 - you can contact me there too. 

Sincerely yours,

Kate Barkley

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL PARENT-TEACHER ASSOCIATION

An Affiliate of Flitcroft Primary School

———

To: Kate Barkley  

Why are you doing this?

This is Lisa by the way

From: Kate Barkley

Hello, Lisa. I’m not sure what you mean? 

To: Kate Barkley

I’m not on the PTA

We’ve never met before

Even Frankie says she’s met you maybe once and she barely knew who I was talking about

You don’t know us

Why are you doing this? 

All this emailing and the service and the free counselling stuff 

From: Kate Barkley

I knew Frederick. He was my friend, and he was a valuable member of the PTA. 

The PTA exists to help the whole school. That includes you, even if you’re not part of the PTA. We’re just doing our jobs. 

To: Kate Barkley

I don’t know anything about the PTA but I’m pretty sure this goes way outside your job scope

From: Kate Barkley

It really doesn’t. We’d do this for any Flitcroft child who lost their parent. 

Would you be keen to join the PTA in Frederick’s stead? Or maybe just learn more about us and what we do? I’m sure Frankie would appreciate if you joined us. 

To: Kate Barkley

Ha, she absolutely wouldn’t 

Hard pass on joining the PTA. Not my style. Sorry

From: Kate Barkley 

That’s fine. But please consider what we said about grief counselling for Frankie. Sarah (that’s the therapist) really believes it could help her. 

To: Kate Barkley

I’ll think about it 

Thanks 

———

[ Note attached to a small gift basket, which contains an assortment of daily necessities, organic snacks, an envelope of cash, and a framed photograph of Frederick ‘Red’ Lawson and Frankie Lawson at the ‘FCPS CHRISTMAS MUSICAL 2019’; Red is wearing half a reindeer costume and Frankie is decked all in white ] 

Dear Lisa, 

With our deepest condolences, 

Kate Barkley, on behalf of the 

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL PARENT-TEACHER ASSOCIATION

———

To: Kate Barkley

Hi Kate

I just wanted to let you know I received the gift basket safely 

Thanks

Please help me thank the rest of the PTA whoever they might be

I didn’t realise how little toothpaste I had left in the house until I saw the tubes in the basket

Ha

But yeah, thanks

From: Kate Barkley

No trouble at all. I know how the mundane daily necessities can become completely forgotten in the wake of grief like this. 

I hope Frankie enjoys the snacks as well.

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah it took me ten minutes to convince her to try a ‘carrot chip’

I almost had to bribe her 

Then somehow she ate all of them and left none for me 

Devious little shit 

From: Kate Barkley

Glad to hear it. Take care. 

———

31/3/2020 9:37AM 

To: [email protected]  
Subject: Grief counselling (Frankie Lawson) 

Hi Sarah,

This is Lisa Lawson. I got this email from Kate Barkley. I think she might have asked you/told you about my daughter Frankie. She informed me that you were offering to provide grief counselling to help Frankie cope with and process what happened to her dad. I was wondering if the offer still stands. 

Hope to hear from you soon.

Lisa 

———

31/3/2020 1:58PM

To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Grief counselling (Frankie Lawson)

Hi Lisa! Thanks for your email. Good to hear from you. Yes, I did offer to take Frankie on pro bono. I know she’s been going through a really tough time. Red and I were friends and I’d like to think this is the least I can do for his daughter. 

I have a few slots open next week if you’d like to bring Frankie down for a preliminary session, just to see if this will be good for her and if I can help her the way she needs. Just let me know which date/time is convenient for you. 

Did Kate tell you that I have some contacts I could call on if you’d like to seek counselling as well? I work mostly with children but I have some friends in the practice who could speak with you for a low fee. Let me know about that too and I can set something up. 

Best,

Dr. SARAH HEATH, PhD

BRIGHT LIGHTS COUNSELLING SERVICES
1M BELMONT ROAD
CHISWICK, LONDON
W4 5UL

———

31/3/2020 4:21PM

To: [email protected] 
Subject: Re: Re: Grief counselling (Frankie Lawson)

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for your email. Next Friday afternoon (4PM) would be convenient for me and Frankie, I can bring her in after my shift at work.

Appreciate the offer of counselling for myself but I’ll be fine.

See you next Friday. Thank you for offering to help Frankie. It means a lot. 

Lisa 

———

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Sainsbury’s Chiswick Superstore : 020 8994 9128 

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33 Holborn London EC1N 2HT 
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MARLBORO SILVER - £11.49

22 BALANCE DUE - £108.14

———

10/4/2020 8:30PM 

To: [email protected]
Subject: Session #1 

Hi Lisa, thanks for bringing Frankie in today. The session went fairly well and I think I’ll be able to work with Frankie on healthy coping strategies. You can refer to the information packet our receptionist gave you if you’d like to take a closer look as to how you can best support Frankie through her therapy. I will see both of you next Friday for Frankie’s next session. Until then, I wish you both the best. Take care! 

Best,

Dr. SARAH HEATH, PhD

BRIGHT LIGHTS COUNSELLING SERVICES
1M BELMONT ROAD
CHISWICK, LONDON
W4 5UL

———

26/4/2020 10:00AM

To: [email protected]
Subject: #2/20: Spring Has Sprung! [ The Flitcroft Messenger ] 

To all Flitcroft parents,

This April, we welcome yet another spring season as a community. Here at Flitcroft, we have several programmes to usher in the following months of sunshine. The first of these was our annual Inter-school Easter Picnic held two weeks back at St. James’ Park. Some lovely photos and a wonderful write-up about the day can be found over here on our newsletter; we at Flitcroft would like to extend our gratitude to parent volunteers Helen Stark and Dawn Hezmal for the Easter Picnic article. 

Some exciting highlights you can look forward to in the coming months:

• selected artworks by some of our Year 5 and Year 6 students will be displayed at the Shared Narratives exhibition at the Victoria Miro, alongside the likes of Rachel Rose, P Gnana and Sol Calero. More details here!
• our third batch of Year 5 students will be spending two days of their May break doing community service under the newly-pioneered Flitcroft Gives Back programme, in line with our firm belief in service to the local community around us. 
• we are now calling for interested young talents to audition for a special Founders’ Day Musical as part of this year’s Founders’ Day celebrations! We are also seeking parent volunteers to aid in getting the show off the ground - click here if you’re interested in helping us put up a star-studded performance!

All this and more can be found in Issue #2/20 of The Flitcroft Messenger, which can be viewed in full here. We hope you’ve all had an excellent Easter break, and we look forward to having our students in the halls once again.

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL (Welfare & Outreach Dept)

———

From: Kate Barkley

Hi, Lisa. This is Kate. 

Is this a convenient time? There is something I’d like to ask you about.

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah hi Kate

Sure 

Things are slow at the store right now

What’s up

From: Kate Barkley

I’m not sure if you received an email update from the school this morning. The outreach team sends every parent the bi-monthly newsletter at the end of every other month. 

To: Kate Barkley

Oh yeah I got it 

What about it?

From: Kate Barkley

Did you happen to see the call for parent volunteers for the Founders’ Day Musical? 

To: Kate Barkley

Uh huh

From: Kate Barkley

I’m helping with organisation and general management of the musical, and we’re looking for an adult pianist. This is the first time Flitcroft is doing a musical for the Founders’ Day celebrations - it’s the school’s hundredth year and they’d like it to be special. The songs are a little advanced for the children; we auditioned some of the budding pianists in the cohort, but none of them have really come up to par. 

Frederick once mentioned that you’re a trained pianist. He said you were excellent and that you even performed back in your youth. We were wondering if we could enlist your help for the musical? 

To: Kate Barkley

Okay yeah Red was always overexaggerating the stuff I did when I was a teenager

Look Kate I owe you and the PTA a lot I get it

But I really don’t think I’m cut out to play piano in front of like the whole school 

I don’t do that stuff anymore

From: Kate Barkley

There’s nobody else we can call on, Lisa. There are very few parents we know who are musically inclined and have the time and resources to contribute. Please, will you at least consider it?

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah I’m not sure if you missed it considering everything we’ve talked about the last month or so but I don’t exactly have time and resources either 

When I’m not working I have Frankie to take care of

Alone

From: Kate Barkley

You’d be doing this with Frankie. She signed up to audition for a part, and it’s almost certain that she’ll win one. She has a lot of potential, she performed in the Christmas musical last year with Frederick and she was wonderful. 

To: Kate Barkley

I know, I was there 

I didn’t know she signed up to audition

From: Kate Barkley

You’d be doing this together, Lisa. 

I know this might not be my place to say, but I think this could be good for both of you. 

From: Kate Barkley

I’m sorry if I overstepped a line. I know we’re not friends, and I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I apologise. 

But please, Lisa, just in my capacity as the PTA chair and the musical’s organising team, I’d just like you to consider at least coming down for an audition. We really do need a pianist.

To: Kate Barkley

Fine

No promises, just an audition

From: Kate Barkley 

Thank you. I’ll send you further details once we confirm them. 

———

8/5/2020 9:27AM 

To: [email protected]
Subject: Founders Day Musical

Hi all, 

Thank you very much for signing up to help out with the Founders’ Day Musical :) in case we haven’t met yet, I’m Jess Cole; I teach Music at Flitcroft and I’m overseeing the musical alongside Ruby Seeger (head of the Drama department), Kate Barkley (chairperson of the PTA) and Tom Crooks (assistant head of the welfare & outreach department). Now that we’ve confirmed most of the major parent volunteer roles, we’ll be starting on production and rehearsals soon. I’ve attached a rough timeline as well as a list of all relevant personnel so you all know who you’ll be working with :) 

We’ll be having our first meeting next Monday evening to discuss some organisational and logistical issues. The timeline and personnel list are colour-coded so everyone should be able tell what meetings and rehearsals they’ll need to be present for but if you have any queries just drop me an email! 

Looking forward to working with you all :)

Regards,

Jess Cole 

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL
Home of the Soldats

Attached: FCPS_FDM2020_Timeline.xlsx, FCPS_FDM2020_Personnel.pdf 

———

To: Kate Barkley 

So Frankie came home today excitedly telling me about how she got a pretty big role in the musical

I’m not sure how thrilled she is about spending a ton of time after school with her mum 

But thank you

From: Kate Barkley

No thanks are necessary. Frankie earned the role entirely on her own merits. She has the makings of a very talented actress. It’s something worth honing

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah she gets that from Red

Also it was nice actually talking to you in person

You know put a face to the name and the emails and texts 

From: Kate Barkley

Likewise.

To: Kate Barkley

By the way I was wondering

I was going through the music for the musical and 

Jess wrote some really great stuff but

I don’t know I have a suggestion or two?

Do you think it’d be okay to bring it up at the next meeting I don’t want to overstep 

I ran a couple suggestions by Frankie and she thought they were pretty good although obviously I don’t know how valuable a 9 year old’s input is, haha

Oh speaking of which is your kid gonna be involved in the musical too? I never asked sorry I still don’t know much about you, maybe that should change? If we’re gonna be working together and stuff

From: Kate Barkley

I’m sure Jess would be open to hearing suggestions, the musical’s still somewhat a work in progress after all. Looking forward to seeing you at the next meeting. Good night!

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah goodnight 

———

YOUR WEEK AHEAD: 18/5 - 24/5

MONDAY

• pick up car @ mechanics 8AM 
• double shift 

TUESDAY

• musical meeting (music) @ flitcroft 5pm 

WEDNESDAY

• double shift

THURSDAY

• musical meeting (general org) @ flitcroft 7pm (drinks after?) 

FRIDAY

• frankie @ bright lights 4pm 
• groceries (need: cereal, milk, pasta, wine, more gin?)

SATURDAY

• frankie @ math 11am 
• practice musical songs
• call mum? 

SUNDAY 

• flitcroft messenger publitz interview prep @ chippy 2pm
• practice musical songs

———

22/5/2020 11:19AM 

To: [email protected]
Subject: Session Updates

Hi Lisa, just wanted to give you an update on Frankie’s progress now that it’s been over a month since I started working with her. Acceptance, healing and moving on doesn’t happen overnight, of course, but I can say with confidence that she is responding well to counselling; if what I hear from her in some sessions is accurate, then I believe her conduct in school and her academic output is evidence of such as well. I believe her involvement in the Founders’ Day Musical is doing her a lot of good by keeping her occupied, giving her a goal and passion to channel her feelings into, and helping her make more friends. I have enclosed a more detailed report on her progress so far for your reference. If you have any questions or concerns, you can always reach out! See you both this afternoon. 

Best,

Dr. SARAH HEATH, PhD

BRIGHT LIGHTS COUNSELLING SERVICES
1M BELMONT ROAD
CHISWICK, LONDON
W4 5UL

Attached: Update_220520_F_Lawson_(Mi).pdf 

———

From: Jess Cole [ FCPS Founders’ Day Musical Personnel ]

Hi everyone :) just a reminder re: some important dates for next week!

Mon 25/5 - publicity photoshoot (Purple Group personnel) 

Wed 27/5 - first FULL script read (all actors Blue Group personnel) 

Thu - 28/5 - publicity interview (Jess, Ruby, Kate, Lisa, Maz, Annie) 

All personnel involved should have received emails with full details, as ever let me know if you’ve got concerns or if you can’t make it for any day for some reason :) 

———

To: Kate Barkley

Is it bad to say that I had serious doubts about the kids acting abilities until today’s read

I mean

They’re all 12 and under

You know what I mean

From: Kate Barkley

Yes, working with children is unpredictable (to put it gently). But did they change your mind? 

To: Kate Barkley

Uh yeah for sure

Billy was amazing

And Eve, wow, she’s the one who’s being professionally trained right? Vocal training?

And the other boy, the second lead

From: Kate Barkley

Tommy?

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah that’s the one, he’s really really good, I can’t wait to see him actually performing on stage, proper rehearsals and all

Man, kids are something else 

Their energy if nothing else

Frankie was up at the usual time for school this morning and then we had the read and then we all went out for dinner and it STILL took me like thirty minutes to wrestle her into bed 

Oh right that reminded me of what I wanted to ask when I texted you

It’s just a question I mean you don’t have to answer but I was curious 

I guess I’ve just noticed idk

From: Kate Barkley

Sure.

To: Kate Barkley

How come you never go out for dinner with us

I mean I feel like everyone on the musical 

We like to do dinner/supper after meetings and stuff because they get pretty tiring

It’s nice to have a drink after you know, get some food in your system

Helps with bonding too I think haha

But you never come?? 

I just wondered why??

Is it coz we always go to the same pub or something?

From: Kate Barkley

I’m just not really much for late nights and suppers. But yes, I’m also not a pub person. I don’t drink an 

*I don’t drink

To: Kate Barkley

Awww shit you never said 

We can always go somewhere else you know?? 

The chips there are shit anyway it’s just a great pick because of the cheap beer haha 

But yeah we can always go elsewhere?? If you want 

From: Kate Barkley

No, it’s all right. I’m not a big fan of staying out very late. But thank you for the offer. 

To: Kate Barkley

You know Jess definitely wants to throw a big afterparty for like after the musical though right 

You HAVE to come for that

From: Kate Barkley

Yes, of course. That’s a special occasion. 

To: Kate Barkley

Haha, awesome

Ah crap Frankie’s awake again

God what batteries does that kid run on

I’m gonna go put her to bed again, talk to you tomorrow see you at the interview

Goodnight!!

From: Kate Barkley

Goodnight. :) 

———

File Name: FCPS-TFM-0320-FDM-INT

Audio Length: 01:46:17

Date Recorded: 28 May 2020 

Harold Groves: … and with this being Flitcroft’s hundredth year, we thought we’d like to do something different, something more exciting than the usual lineup you see at our Founders’ Day celebrations. And we’ve always had a strong drama programme - you know, we’ve always been very firm about championing the arts, making it an integral part of our students’ education, because it is an important part of any child’s education. And when Ms Cole and Ms Seeger pitched the idea to us, we just thought - great, yeah, excellent, absolutely, let’s do it, we’ll give you a budget, we’ll give you a rough idea of what we’d really like to see, and just make it happen. 

Ruby Seeger: I think once Principal Groves and the rest of the board gave us some outlines it just - the musical almost wrote itself. I know it sounds strange to say, but really - Jess can tell you, it just came to us. I think we had the first draft of the script out in - three? Three weeks?

Jess Cole: Two or three weeks, thereabouts - obviously it went through a lot more rounds of editing, polishing, and we’re still working on it, changing things up now that we’re starting on script reads, on rehearsals, because some things sound better on paper than they do out loud, when the kids say their lines. So it’s still a work in progress, we’re working on it, making sure it’ll be the best possible final product it can be when we stage it in August. 

TFM: And you’ve had a lot of help with the work, isn’t that right?

Ruby Seeger: Oh, absolutely - Crooks, I mean Tom from Outreach, he’s been helping us with so many of the logistical issues, and we’ve got Kate from the PTA who’s been so invaluable, no clue what we’d be doing right now if it wasn’t for all her help.

Kate Barkley: [ laughs ] Well, I wouldn’t go that far - as some of you at the Messenger might know, I’m the chairperson of the PTA, and you know, the PTA exists - it really exists to help the school, to benefit everyone, staff and students and parents alike. And this is precisely the kind of thing so many of us are interested to help with - organising and producing a musical, it’s completely different from the usual bake sales, or charity drives, or chaperoning field trips, and the like. We’ve had such a wonderful response - in fact we’ve got some of our parent volunteers right here, to share more about their involvement with the musical. We’ve got Annie, she’s been helping with our costumes, she’s brilliant with her needle; and that’s Marilyn, who’s basically in charge of the props - 

Marilyn King: - if you ask the kids they might tell you I’m the bloody drill sergeant though - 

Kate Barkley: - and this is Lisa, who’s our pianist, and if I might say, maybe even a co-songwriter at this point?

Lisa Lawson: [ nervously ] Ha, uh, yeah, I don’t know - I mean, I’ve fiddled a bit with some of the music, some of the lyrics, but it’s not - just a bit, yeah, I’m mostly just, I’m playing the piano. 

Kate Barkley: [ smiling ] Wonderfully, really, Lisa’s… she’s an excellent pianist. She elevates the music, somehow - I mean, Jess wrote some really, really lovely songs, but there’s just something about the playing, Lisa’s playing - well, I suppose you’ll all have to watch the musical and listen to it for yourselves! 

TFM: So that’s something the community should be looking out for, yeah, the music’s going to be first-rate?

Jess Cole: Yeah, we’re doing our best, a musical isn’t a musical without the music, you know, and if I might just add to that… 

———

YOUR WEEK AHEAD: 1/6 - 7/6

MONDAY

• text Jess abt changes to Pictures, Fading bridge!!! 
• practice musical songs 

TUESDAY

• practice musical songs 

WEDNESDAY

• frankie @ rehearsal (end @ 8.30pm)

THURSDAY

• double shift

FRIDAY

• frankie @ bright lights 4pm 
• groceries (need: eggs, bananas, rice, wine, try new gin stuart recommended?) 

SATURDAY

• frankie @ math 11am 
• practice musical songs

SUNDAY 

• practice musical songs

———

To: Kate Barkley

Hi Kate 

Are you busy at the moment??

From: Kate Barkley

Not at all. How can I help? 

From: Kate Barkley

I have a double shift at the store tomorrow 

Usually Red

Since

I mean

For the past few months my neighbour’s been looking after Frankie until I get home but she just told me she’s got to run off to Edinburgh, family emergency, she won’t be back for a bit 

I was just wondering 

I mean I know it’s a lot to ask

Could she go over to your place after school? Just for a few hours

I’ll swing by to pick her up once I’m done 

I’m so sorry I just don’t know who else to ask 

From: Kate Barkley

No need to apologise, I’d be happy to have Frankie for the afternoon. I work from home, so I can pick her up from school, if you’d like. I don’t live as near to Flitcroft as you do, and I’d rather not have Frankie walking to my place all by herself. 

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah that’d be amazing thank you so much 

I owe you one 

I’ll be there to pick her up by 6.30 

Thank you

From: Kate Barkley

No trouble at all. Would you like to stay for dinner? 

To: Kate Barkley

Oh nah that’s okay 

Um 

Sarah said Frankie told her she’s been lonely and stuff 

I mean

Fuck

Before

I know this makes me sound like such a shit mum yeah

But Red used to spend way more time with her than I did yknow 

I was always at the store working and he freelanced so he was always the one at home, taking care of her and stuff, proper dad 

Now it’s

Yeah 

Anyway, sorry

Anyway I’ve been trying to take her out for dinner more often, especially after she has long days, have mother-daughter time at the chippy 

So yeah it’s cool I’ll be taking her out for dinner

But thanks for offering

From: Kate Barkley

No worries. I’ll see you tomorrow, then. 

———

To: Kate Barkley

Hey

There’s something I want to ask you about

It’s 

From: Kate Barkley

Sorry, Lisa, I think your message might not have been delivered. What were you asking? 

To: Kate Barkley

No no I didn’t finish typing

Sorry I was trying to think of the best way to put it

Okay

Look

Can I ask you something personal? Maybe weird? 

I don’t know, it’s just

You can say no

From: Kate Barkley

If I agree, could I ask you about something personal, and possibly sensitive, as well?

To: Kate Barkley

Like what?

From: Kate Barkley

It’s about something Frankie said to me today when she was over at my house. I don’t think she meant anything by it. I’m not sure she really, properly understands. 

To: Kate Barkley

That’s cryptic.........

From: Kate Barkley

It was about your alcohol consumption.

To: Kate Barkley

Okay yeah you know what? Forget I asked, it’s nothing. Goodnight 

———

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Massive traffic collision along A5 leaves 9 dead and 36 injured | MW Times
Police said that their assistance was needed at around 3:19 pm today on the A5 London Holyhead Trunk Road. Preliminary investigations revealed that a collision… 

———

MASSIVE TRAFFIC COLLISION ALONG A5 LEAVES 9 DEAD AND 36 INJURED

6 September 2013, 9:48pm

by Lauren Balfe

MULTIPLE CASUALTIES IN A5 ACCIDENT 

More than 40 casualties have been reported in a traffic incident on Friday afternoon. 

Police said that their assistance was needed at around 3:19 pm today on the A5 London Holyhead Trunk Road. Preliminary investigations revealed that a collision had happened between seven vehicles…

NINE CONFIRMED DEAD IN WORST A5 COLLISION THIS YEAR 

… among those confirmed dead include 33-year-old Richard Barkley and his 8-year-old son James Barkley, whose car was pinned between the Alfa Romeo A156 driven by Flynn and the Toyota Matrix driven by Tunnard. Extracted from Barkley’s car was 31-year-old Kate Barkley, one of the 36 currently confirmed to be injured… 

———

To: Kate Barkley

are you still awake

kate

From: Kate Barkley

Yes, I am. 

How can I help?

To: Kate Barkley

So 

About earlier

When you said I could ask something personal if you got to ask something personal

Can I still

If you ask something personal?

From: Kate Barkley

Yes. 

To: Kate Barkley

Okay

So I went to 

God this sounds stalkerish

Ugh

I googled your name 

I know that’s weird as hell, I’m sorry, I was just 

I was so, I don’t know, confused I guess

Like when I went over to your place to pick Frankie and I thought like hey maybe I’ll finally get to see your husband and kids or whatever, you never talk about them? And I just wasn’t expecting to see an empty house I guess. And then when Frankie and I were having dinner she said you told her you live alone? And I was just, I mean you’re on the PTA, I obviously assumed your kid was enrolled in Flitcroft too 

I’m sorry, I’m rambling

But yeah I was confused so I did a google search I don’t know why I just thought maybe I could dig up some stuff without having to answer your questions 

I found a news article

From 2013

From: Kate Barkley

I see.

To: Kate Barkley

Was it 

You were in that accident

Right?

From: Kate Barkley

Yes.

To: Kate Barkley

Fuck

God

Fuck, I don’t 

I’m sorry, I didn’t know 

I’m really sorry, Kate 

And I totally get it if you think I’m an asshole for invading your privacy 

From: Kate Barkley

It’s fine.

Pretty much everyone on the PTA knows. It was never a secret. It’s just that I don’t talk about it. 

I stayed on the PTA because I’m good at what I do there, and just because my child was gone didn’t mean I couldn’t keep helping out other children just like him. 

Does that answer all of your questions? 

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah 

I’m sorry, Kate

Losing Red was horrible and I still feel it every single fucking day, I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose Frankie too 

From: Kate Barkley

Is that why you’ve been drinking?

Because of Frederick? 

To: Kate Barkley

Wow, really subtle segue. 

Fuck. Sorry

That was insensitive, I’m an asshole

Sorry. 

I mean, yes and no

It’s not like I didn’t drink before Red died, I’ve always drank. Like at bars and stuff. And we had wine at home, Red fancied himself a bit of a connoisseur although frankly I always thought the stuff he liked was shit 

Seriously he brought home the worst merlot once, it was so bad I wouldn’t even have used it for cooking

Sorry, rambling again

Anyway the point is it’s not like I NEVER drank 

But the week after he died 

God 

I don’t even know

Now that I look back I don’t even remember what the fuck happened that week it’s like a blank space in my memory

I was just so so fucked up and every moment I was awake was just another moment when he and I weren’t in the same world any more and it felt like alcohol was the only thing that would numb the pain even a bit 

I was just pissed all the time that week I swear to god 

I mean, you remember that awful email I sent you, right

From: Kate Barkley

I do. 

Your follow-up email the next day sounded… more coherent, though. 

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah, fucking hell

That was Frankie 

I mean, she didn’t write it, she just jumped on me while I was passed out and hungover in bed and basically yelled in my face telling me to wake up and make her breakfast and she kept screaming and acting out so I couldn’t just reach for the bottle again you know? So that morning I wrote you back was the first time I was even semi-sober that whole week 

And then she spent the next two weeks throwing the mother of all tantrums almost constantly, literally anything would set her off, it was awful 

Like obviously I look back now

And with Sarah’s help, she talked about it with Frankie in counselling I think 

But when I look back now I think she was just fucking scared 

Like we think kids don’t really understand the gravity of things but they’re smart, I think when it comes to the big things they know

She probably saw me completely fucked up that week just doing nothing but drink and cry and sleep and she just

Acted out the only way she knew how to get my attention

If she hadn’t taken up all my time with her tantrums and all the other commitments with school and work and everything I think I could have just kept on like that without stopping 

So I kind of pulled myself together a bit 

For her sake

But then

I don’t know

She started settling back in school, the musical happened, and she started seeing Sarah and everything and she’s so strong, she’s doing so much better now 

But I feel like I’m still a fucking mess 

And now I have to take care of Frankie alone so I’m working more and when I’m not I’m working on the musical and trying to spend more time with her and it’s just so

Easy

To open a bottle after she goes to bed and drink until I can’t feel the pain any more and then sleep

I’ve been trying not to drink in front of her

Or drink that much in front of her, I guess

But she’s smart 

I guess she knows

From: Kate Barkley

She does. 

She told me she can tell when you’ve finished a bottle by yourself the night before because of the way you look when you wake up the next morning. In those words. 

I don’t think she’s angry at you or anything. It was just… matter of fact. 

To: Kate Barkley

Jesus

I’m sorry you had to hear that 

I know I’m a fucking mess, I’m sorry 

From: Kate Barkley

Lisa… listen. I understand. I stood where you stood once. 

After Rich and Jamie died. 

I wasn’t a drinker before then. So maybe it was worse. 

I didn’t know my limits. I was admitted to hospital twice for alcohol poisoning. My brothers had to throw out every bottle I had in the house and threaten to freeze my accounts and put me under house arrest before I agreed to go to rehab. 

It took… a while. It was hard. 

I was lucky. I had the PTA’s support. A lot of them rallied around me, and they didn’t give up on me or kick me out of the team. A few of them had also kicked addictions, and they kept me accountable, amongst other things. I’m not exaggerating when I say they saved my life. I couldn’t have done it without them and my brothers. 

I don’t know if you remember - the first time you ever messaged me? When you said that the help the PTA was offering you seemed out of our job scope?

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah I think so

From: Kate Barkley

For them, seven years ago, it actually was. They had no obligation to help me, to support me through it all, and they did. 

After that, after I recovered and joined them again in full capacity, I made it part of our job scope. Mostly mine. 

I wouldn’t have made it without them. I didn’t want anyone else in the Flitcroft community to have to go through it differently. 

I mean that, Lisa. We offered to help back then, right after Frederick passed, and we’d still help you now. If you want us to. 

Frederick would have

He always believed in that too. He always thought it was important to be there for members of the community who suffered great loss. 

To: Kate Barkley

I know 

I

You really think you can help me? 

From: Kate Barkley

Do you want to stop drinking? 

To: Kate Barkley

Fuck

I just

God, I’m sorry

My mind

I mean

My mind just screamed no

Like first thing

Because it’s so easy and it’s been so 

It’s numbed the pain

Fuck, I’m the worst

The worst mum 

Just a mess 

From: Kate Barkley

It’s normal. I had to be dragged kicking and screaming to rehab too. But you just have to grit your teeth and dig your heels in and learn to want it. 

If it helps, in any way, I had nothing to hold on to, or so I thought, back then. It took a lot of threats from my brothers to keep me in check for months before I could even learn to want to get sober for myself. But I managed it, even though it was really, really hard, and I’ve been sober for five years. 

It is possible. I promise. 

Just… think of Frankie. 

I know you haven’t reached the point I did yet, you can obviously still follow your normal routine and people generally can’t tell that anything’s really wrong. But things like this, they don’t just magically disappear one day, especially if you don’t do anything to try and fix them. 

She needs you. 

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah 

And not the me that apparently looks like dog shit after polishing off an entire sauv blanc in a night, for good reason 

I know 

I know 

Do you

How do I 

What do I do?

To stop?

To get better?

From: Kate Barkley

I can meet you for tea tomorrow, during Frankie’s counselling session (she told me about that). We can talk about it then. Let me know if that would work. 

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah that would work 

From: Kate Barkley

Great. We can confirm the time and place tomorrow morning.

You should head to sleep for now. It’s late. 

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah

Okay 

I’ll text you in the morning

Thanks, Kate

For real

:) 

———

YOUR WEEK AHEAD: 15/6 - 21/6

MONDAY

• smart recovery 1st meeting @ 5PM (dinner @ kate’s) 
• practice musical songs

TUESDAY

• practice musical songs 

WEDNESDAY

• musical rehearsal (end @ 8.30pm)

THURSDAY

• double shift (dinner @ kate’s, get book list she talked about?) 

FRIDAY

• frankie @ bright lights 4pm 
• groceries (need: pasta, veg chips, juice, milk, soup) 

SATURDAY

• frankie @ math 11am (lunch at the nice cafe opp?) 
• day out @ shops 
• practice musical songs

SUNDAY 

• practice musical songs

———

File Name: FOUNDMUS20_DOCU_17062020_RAW.VID 

Video Length: 02:53:02

Date Recorded: 17 Jun 2020

[ door opening, slightly shaky movements; the camera tracks through the winding backstage area up to the wings, moving into the light via stage left ] 

“… don’t know about these trees over here. I feel like they don’t fit in with the rest of the scenery, you know? And the painting on these few branches, it feels sloppy. Remind me to let Maz know, so the props team can fix it.”

“What branches… oh, that. Christ, Kate, you can barely see it, the audience will never be able to tell.” 

“I know that, but the musical is a serious affair. Everything should still be - “

“As perfect as we can get it, right, right, you said that already. Okay, we’ll tell Maz tomorrow.” 

“I know it’s a small thing, but I just want to - if it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well, and all that.”

[ camera focuses on Lisa Lawson, smiling as she helps Kate Barkley adjust one of the sagging branches on a prop tree ]

“And that’s why you’re the stage manager of this whole crazy operation, and I’m just the pianist.” 

[ camera shifts slightly towards Kate Barkley when she frowns and replies ]

“I wish you’d stop saying that.”

“What? I am the pianist.” 

“No, you’re the pianist, you’re on the organising team, you’re always helping to keep the kids in line, and at this point you’re basically a co-songwriter in everything but name. You should give yourself more credit.”

“Ha - okay, okay, you’re beginning to sound like that guy from Monday’s meeting. I get it. I guess it’s just - I’m not really the type to label things, you know, stroke my ego.” 

“It’s not about that - it’s about - well, knowing your worth, knowing your value, not selling yourself short. That sort of thing, it’s important.” 

“Hey, have you ever considered a career as a motivational speaker? You could do TED talks, like those people in the videos Frankie watches on YouTube somet - oh my fucking god, Jesus, Crooks, what the hell are you doing there?”

“What in - Tom? How long have you been standing there?”

“Sorry, Jess and Ruby put me in charge of documenting the production process. I think the principal and the rest of the board eventually want to do a mini documentary thing. I’ve been going around doing some filming.” 

“God, you scared me shitless. There’s nothing to film here anyway, we’re just cleaning up and turning the lights off. Do you know if the kids are ready to go?”

“Yeah, I think Jess is about done debriefing them.” 

“Right, great. You ready, Kate? We can go get Frankie and then grab some supper.” 

“Yes. See you tomorrow, Tom.” 

“Yes, goodnight.” 

[ video ends ]

———

To: Kate Barkley

Thanks for dinner tonight 

I NEEDED that beef stew after my double shift at the store

From: Kate Barkley

Always an excellent pick-me-up after you’ve had a hard day. 

To: Kate Barkley

Not asleep yet??

From: Kate Barkley

I’m cleaning up, and answering a few emails. I’ve been so busy with the musical I’ve been putting off some other important things.

To: Kate Barkley

I can’t sleep

Feels like my mind is racing and I don’t know why

Is that a withdrawal thing??

From: Kate Barkley

It might be. Withdrawal can affect sleep patterns.

We can talk if you like. That might help to calm your mind down so you can sleep. 

To: Kate Barkley

Not sure what to talk about

We chatted a lot over dinner

Hmmmm

Okay

I thought of something I want to ask/talk about

But it might be 

Inappropriate? 

Sensitive

You can just tell me to fuck off if it’s not ok

From: Kate Barkley

Go ahead.

To: Kate Barkley

Can you tell me about Jamie? 

I was just looking at pictures of him on your mantel

While you were finishing up cooking dinner just now

He looked like a really good kid

Happy and playful

He would’ve been 15 this year, right?

From: Kate Barkley

Yes. 

He was wonderful. Bright and funny. He was always laughing as a baby, never really shy or scared of anything. He and his father were always cracking jokes to each other and playing pranks on me. 

He was a big fan of planes and birds and anything to do with flying. Rich was a pilot so that probably influenced him a great deal. He had this phase where he insisted on wearing his pilot Halloween costume everywhere. The cap, the jacket with the wings, all of it. 

He was very close to Rich, even though he was away a lot. Sometimes during really busy periods Rich would be away for a few weeks, just flying here and there. I’d always miss him terribly, and Jamie would clamber into my lap and tell me to smile and say “it’s okay, Mummy, Daddy will be back soon. Just three more days till we laugh again”. 

"Till we laugh again”, that was how he put it. 

To: Kate Barkley

That’s beautiful

He sounds like such a great kid

I’m sorry I never got to meet him I would have loved to know him, and Rich too

But I’m glad I know you

At least

You’ve just been

You’ve helped me so much in the past few months

Thank you 

I mean that

From: Kate Barkley

So have you. 

I’m very lucky to have our friendship. 

To: Kate Barkley 

:) 

Okay that definitely helped

I’m a lot more relaxed

I think I can get to sleep now

Thanks Kate

See you soon yeah 

From: Kate Barkley

Good night, Lisa. 

———

Shopping List

• groceries: need more milk, juice, peas, potatoes, tea, frankie wants frosties 
• waterstones: pencils (frankie), pens notebook (smart recovery), books (check kate’s list) 
• get new shoes? 

Book list (Kate)

• Blackout by Sarah Hepola
• Codependent No More by Melody Beattle
• Terry: My Daughter’s Life-and-Death Struggle with Alcoholism by George McGovern
• This Naked Mind by Annie Grace
• Quit Like A Woman by Holly Whitaker 

Lisa - just a few suggestions. These helped some during my journey towards sobriety. Let me know if they’re helpful for you too. Yours, Kate 

———

From: Kate Barkley

How was your second SMART Recovery meeting today?

To: Kate Barkley

?? How did you know I had another meeting today

From: Kate Barkley 

You said, last week. 

To: Kate Barkley

Oh

I didn’t expect you to remember 

Yeah it was okay

Although

I guess 

This one girl’s story hit a little too close to home I think

Her parents were alcoholics too

She didn’t say why but they drank her whole life

Her mum died because of it

Liver failure

She said her childhood was shit 

Surrounded by alcohol and her dad would beat her and her siblings

That’s why she started drinking too

And I just thought about if that happened to Frankie and I wanted to punch a wall 

From: Kate Barkley

That’s what they usually say. The experts, I mean.

When children see their parents drink, they’re more likely to turn to alcohol as well. 

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah, I know

Said something along those lines in one of those books you recommended me

I’m 

Trying, I guess

I locked all the spirits away

Most of the wine too

The musical helps

Keeps me busy

Keeps me REALLY busy 

Especially right now

Having problems with one of the bloody songs 

Verses just won’t flow right 

Jess was agonising about it and I volunteered to take over for a bit and look it over although I regret that a bit now, it’s driving me up the wall

But that’s like, stressful distraction

I guess it’s been hard figuring out other more peaceful distractions 

From: Kate Barkley

Well, you can always call on me if you’d like to talk. 

I know it’s hard. I relapsed a lot, too. But just keep at it. Form

*For Frankie and for yourself. 

To: Kate Barkley

I know 

From: Kate Barkley

You’re always welcome over. You can have dinner more often at my place if that helps in any way. There’s lots of space. 

To: Kate Barkley

That would be nice

Frankie loves your food 

Apparently after eating what you make it’s “mum you’re cooking carrots wrong”

Kids I swear 

From: Kate Barkley

I can pass you some recipes if you like :)

To: Kate Barkley

You know I can’t even tell if you’re making fun of me

From: Kate Barkley

Maybe just a little.

To: Kate Barkley

Ha ha. 

I have another double shift tomorrow 

If you can take Frankie for the afternoon I can come over for dinner? 

From: Kate Barkley

That sounds good. I’ll see you then. 

———

Fulham Road Picturehouse Central

Screen 3

Moon Night

27/06/2020 07:20 pm Audio D, Silver Scr

Row: A Seat: 6

Adult GBP 9.99

Fulham Road Picturehouse Central

Screen 3

Moon Night

27/06/2020 07:20 pm Audio D, Silver Scr

Row: A Seat: 7

Adult GBP 9.99

Fulham Road Picturehouse Central

Screen 3

Moon Night

27/06/2020 07:20 pm Audio D, Silver Scr

Row: A Seat: 8

Adult GBP 9.99

———

From: Kate Barkley

You left your jacket at mine. 

To: Kate Barkley

Ah shit, sorry 

Slipped my mind

I’ll pick it up from you on Monday??

From: Kate Barkley

No problem. 

Thank you for last night. I had a lovely time.

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah same

Frankie too

She loved your popcorn

Says it was better than the Picturehouse popcorn

From: Kate Barkley

I daresay the DVDs we picked were better than the Picturehouse movie too.

To: Kate Barkley

Ha! 

But yeah it was fun

We should do more movie nights like that

Maybe next week?

From: Kate Barkley

Not next week I’m afraid. I’ll be heading to France on Tuesday afternoon to visit my brothers. I should be back next Tuesday or Wednesday. 

To: Kate Barkley

Oh cool

From: Kate Barkley

I’m very sorry I won’t be able to have Frankie over after school if you have long days at the store.

To: Kate Barkley

No worries 

Family comes first and all 

Have a good time in France

But we’re still on for Monday? 

From: Kate Barkley

Yes, that’s fine. 

Would you like me to run your jacket through the wash?

To: Kate Barkley

If that’s a dig at how grimy it looks, I’ll have you know it’s what the kids these days call ‘distressed’

But on a serious note it’s fine

I’ll just pick it up next week

See you 

From: Kate Barkley

No problem. See you. 

———

YOUR WEEK AHEAD: 29/6 - 5/7

MONDAY

• smart recovery 3rd meeting @ 5PM (dinner @ kate’s) 
• practice musical songs 

TUESDAY

• practice musical songs 
• finalise home thoughts from abroad (verse change yes or no??) 

WEDNESDAY

• musical rehearsal (end @ 8.30pm) 
• stocktaking @ store

THURSDAY

• practice musical songs 

FRIDAY

• frankie @ bright lights 4pm
• pump gas 

SATURDAY

• frankie @ math 11am 
• practice musical songs

SUNDAY 

• half shift
• practice musical songs

———

30/6/2020 6:19PM

To: [email protected]
Cc: [email protected]
Subject: Home Thoughts From Abroad (Final) 

Hi Jess, 

Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you about the suggestions for Home Thoughts From Abroad. I changed a few lines in the second verse and I edited out a word in the first verse. It shouldn’t require much (if any) change to the actual chords. Let me know, we can run through it at rehearsal tomorrow? 

Thanks. 

Lisa

Attached: homethoughtsfromabroad_final.pdf

———

Dear Red,

Finally decided to clean out the crawl space today. Didn’t expect to see some new photo albums that definitely weren’t there when we moved in five years ago. Probably shouldn’t be surprised that you didn’t listen when I told you not to put any more junk in there. Typical. 

You printed so many pictures of Frankie. I’m not surprised by that either. I didn’t know you’d gotten so many pictures with the PTA, though. Three months ago I wouldn’t have known who the hell any of those people were. You had a handful with Kate and a bunch of other vaguely familiar faces. 

How come you never talked about her? Or them? Or was I just never listening because I was always tired from working and for years it felt like nothing was important besides bringing home the bacon and keeping Frankie’s grades above the line? I think I remember telling you once that the idea of a PTA in general seemed stupid. I think you chuckled and we just both wrote it off as something we’d never agree on. I wonder if you’d laugh if you saw me now. All buddy-buddy with Kate, devoting half my time to the Founders’ Day Musical… I’m actually even considering proper joining the PTA. I think I finally get it. 

I’m glad Kate was your friend. I’m glad she’s mine now. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. 

I still miss you every single day and I think I always will. But I’m going to be okay now. I promise. I’m going to survive. I’m going to watch Frankie grow up and I know you are too, from wherever you are. 

I love you. We’ll be okay. 

Lisa 

———

From: Kate Barkley

I just spoke to Jess and Ruby.

They told me about the change to one of the songs.

Attached: 1 image 

What the hell is this?

Call me now.

To: Kate Barkley

Jesus Kate I’m at work

I didn’t even know you were back in London??

What’s going on 

Can I call you later

From: Kate Barkley

No, you need to explain yourself right fucking now. 

What the fuck is that verse? 

That is not the verse we’ve been rehearsing. That is not the verse we agreed on for the song.

To: Kate Barkley

I changed it a little 

Jess said it was fine, the song still works, in fact she said it sounded even better than before

From: Kate Barkley

THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM AND YOU KNOW IT

’till we laugh again, these home thoughts from abroad’? 

Why did you include that?

Lisa, ANSWER MY TEXT

To: Kate Barkley

Kate for fuck’s sake I’m at WORK I was with a customer

I included it because it was a beautiful line okay? 

The song was giving Jess and Ruby problems and after they deferred to me it was giving ME problems too and after that time you told me about what Jamie said it just fit

It just made sense and it flowed so much better

And you’ve got whole first act of Peter Flitcroft’s story being about losing both his daughters

It just reminded me of you

And of Jamie

It’s a song about honouring his daughters and I thought it could honour Jamie too

I thought it was a good idea

I’m sorry if it wasn’t 

I’ll remove it and let Jess know, okay? 

From: Kate Barkley

No, none of this is okay. 

I told you about that IN CONFIDENCE 

And you took it and randomly shoved it into one of the songs?

Without even speaking to me about it first? 

Just to fill a gap and make it “flow better”? 

Those were HIS WORDS 

THEY WERE MY WORDS

They’re ALL I HAVE LEFT of my DEAD SON. 

They werent yours to shoehorn into your fucking piece of shit song in this cheap schoolyard pantomime they were MINE 

To: Kate Barkley

Excuse me??

First of all have you forgotten that YOU’RE the one that basically needled me into dedicating half my bloody life right now to playing piano for the musical??? 

I get that you’re angry right now, but you need to take it down a fucking notch, Kate, because this is totally fucking uncalled for 

From: Kate Barkley

UNCALLED FOR? 

You don’t get to fucking decide what is UNCALLED FOR 

I trusted you with a part of MYSELF 

I trusted you with a part of my SON who was TAKEN from me who I watched DIE IN FRONT OF ME 

I should’ve known I couldn’t fucking trust someone like you 

To: Kate Barkley

I’m sorry what the hell does that mean???

“Someone like me”??? 

From: Kate Barkley

Who spent the first eight years of her daughter’s life putting her own wants above her child’s needs and expected her husband to pick up all the FUCKING slack and then couldn’t even get her shit together for her daughter’s sake after her father DIED 

I should’ve known someone like you couldn’t possibly understand what it would be like to have your child stolen from you

Just a fucking thief who thinks it’s acceptable to USE other people as tools and “inspiration” because you’re too talentless to create anything on your own

To: Kate Barkley

Okay you’ve officially crossed a fucking line

THEY’RE JUST WORDS

THOSE FOUR WORDS ARE NOT YOUR SON’S ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE

And if that’s how you see them then that says so much more about you than me 

You know what Kate??? You think you’re so much better than me because you get to playact as some fucking model widow who’s decided to martyr herself and devote her whole life to “honouring” her dead son and “helping” all these other poor beleaguered parents who just can’t be as bloody perfect as you are 

Stop acting like you’re king shit of fuck mountain

You’re just a parent without her fucking child 

You have no goddamn right to say all of that shit to me

Everything I have done I have done FOR FRANKIE 

And everything YOU’VE done for the past seven years has just been for your own fucking self

So piss off and throw a bloody tantrum elsewhere 

I have actual work to do

Go fuck yourself 

———

6/7/2020 8:31PM 

To: [email protected] 
Subject: URGENT - Personnel Restructuring 

Hi all, 

Apologies for emailing so late but we’ve been faced with an unexpected setback and a lot of things have to be changed and moved around. Kate has decided to withdraw from organising and producing the musical due to personal reasons, so we’re going to have to do some restructuring and doubling up of our roles. Effectively immediately, Ruby and Maz will be splitting stage manager duties and Stuart will be running the switchboard. Some other minor changes will be happening, I’ve made a note of them in the attached personnel list. Please review them as soon as possible and be aware of the changes. 

This is obviously not ideal, but we’ve all been working hard and we’re a good team. I hope we can all take this in our stride and carry on working on the musical as before. If you have any questions or concerns about the changes, drop me a text. One more month to go, we can do this. 

Regards, Jess  

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL
Home of the Soldats

Attached: FCPS_FDM2020_Timeline_Upd6Jul.xlsx, FCPS_FDM2020_Personnel_Upd6Jul.pdf

———

To: Kate Barkley

Kate, I just saw Jess’ email

I’m sorry for everything I said

It was horrible and I was wrong and I’m sorry, I really am 

Please don’t drop out of the musical, the team can’t do it without you 

I’ve already spoken with Jess and Ruby, I’ll remove Jamie’s line from the song 

I’m so sorry, I overstepped and screwed up and it was unacceptable 

I’ll make it up to you somehow, whatever you need 

Please answer my calls I just need to talk to you 

Please, Kate 

Just text me back 

Please 

———

YOUR WEEK AHEAD: 6/7 - 12/7

MONDAY

• smart recovery 4th meeting @ 5PM
• practice musical songs 

TUESDAY

• practice musical songs
• emergency musical meeting @ 4PM 
• rewrite home thoughts from abroad verses

WEDNESDAY

• musical rehearsal (end @ 9pm) 
• get jess/ruby to call kate?? 

THURSDAY

• practice musical songs 
• CALL KATE UNTIL SHE PICKS UP 

FRIDAY

• frankie @ bright lights 4pm (dinner @ kate’s)

SATURDAY

• frankie @ math 11am
• practice musical songs
• call kate 

SUNDAY 

• practice musical songs
• call kate 
• deliver food to kate’s??? 
• send letter??? 

———

To: Kate Barkley

Are you seriously just never ever going to talk to me again?

I just don’t know what you want me to do

I apologised

A hundred times, maybe

I removed the line from the verse 

Crooks argued and said it was better with Jamie’s line and I told him to go fuck himself 

Okay that was more for me than anything but

Just text me back, please

To: Kate Barkley

Did you have to quit the fucking musical entirely 

A bit of an overreaction to one fucking line that was MY FAULT 

Jess is in fucking pieces and even Maz can’t corral the kids properly without you

Annie almost had a breakdown about how the whole fucking thing is going to be a disaster 

Probably fucking is 

Good fucking riddance

To: Kate Barkley

Just ignore all of the last few messages

I’m sorry I said all of that, I was just pissed

Pissed off, not drunk pissed

Feels like all I’ve done since Red is apologise 

I mean it, Kate, I fucking swear

I’m sorry I used Jamie’s words, I’m sorry I overstepped, I’m sorry I fucked up and lost my shit on you, I really am 

Look if you won’t speak to me will you please, please at least come back and work on the musical with the team

They need you

The kids need you 

Flitcroft needs you

To: Kate Barkley

I need you 

You’re the only thing that’s made this world seem real since Red died 

JUST TALK TO ME 

I’ll do anything 

Please 

To: Kate Barkley

frnkie says she mis ses u

NOT THAT U GIVE A BGUGERRING FUCK.

fuck u too then u kno?????? 

fuckin thought i ment more to u than 

i miss talking to u but that s styupid 

miss u 

fuck u FUCK U FUCK U 

To: Kate Barkley

Right, just ignore all of that too

Got drunk off my arse if you couldn’t already tell from that garbage 

Because I’m a useless cunt who can’t do anything right 

Not as a mum or a pianist or a friend or fucking whatever 

Was a fucking useless wife 

Fucking useless widow too 

But who cares any more

To: Kate Barkley

Okay. It’s been two weeks since we last talked 

And you know what??? I’m done

Yeah Kate, I fucked up and I fucked up BADLY 

But I have tried and tried to fix this 

And I have been TRYING to fix the musical too, with everyone else, although that’s probably a lost fucking cause 

And you know you’ve been on my arse about healing and moving on and all that shit, moving past my mistakes, letting go, learning to forgive myself, and I’ve been trying to do all of that too

But here you fucking are holding absolutely everything against me because of just one mistake

I’m sorry, I will be sorry for the rest of my LIFE, and that’s just great because it looks like you’ll be angry for the rest of your life too

I’m done with this 

Do you want to hear something insanely stupid?

There was a point 

Before all this happened 

After you helped me get Frankie into counselling and conned me into playing piano for the musical and got me to stop drinking and we spent that night in your living room watching movies?? 

And I’d be at your place three times a week eating your fucking food and watching Frankie play in your living room while we talked at the dining table??? 

I didn’t just feel REAL

I felt happy

And at peace

And it didn’t hurt 

Like I could really actually move on 

Like I could learn to love more than just Frankie and Red 

And because I’m a fucking moron there was even this briefest moment when I deluded myself into thinking that maybe

MAYBE you could feel the same way 

But in the end I’m still just that idiot who never learns and who always just fucks up 

I guess you made your choice 

I hope you’re happy with it

I 

I was so fucking happy 

I was so fucking happy with you, Kate 

Like I never thought I could be again 

Hah 

I hope you’re happy. 

Don’t ever come near me or my daughter ever again. 

Delete chat? 

CHAT DELETED

Delete contact ‘Kate Barkley’?

CONTACT DELETED. 

———

My Alcohol Log

17 - 19 Jul 2020: None, too fucking busy trying to help save the fucking musical after our stage manager AND switchboard operator AND de facto leader disappeared into the bloody ether and left us with Ruby and Maz butting heads and Stuart missing at least one cue every rehearsal and Crooks’ video camera screwing up and the kids being absolute brats 

20 Jul 2020: Way too much, maybe five or six shots of gin and half the fucking bottle of shitty wine left over from weeks ago. I kept thinking of Kate and I was just so bloody angry and once I started I just couldn’t stop. Fucking Kate. I would blame her but I know I can’t. Whether or not she’s being a total cock at the moment, the drinking is still on me. 

Frankie was furious with me in the morning. For a nine year old she’s been shockingly good at keeping me accountable for my alcohol consumption. On the way to school she told me I’m being dumb and breaking my promises and I can’t even be mad at her because she’s right. Poured out the rest of the gin in the house, I’m not letting KATE fuck me over in this too. 

———

[ written on lined paper torn from a notebook, ink smudged and the last few lines messily scribbled out ]

One week to the musical and three weeks since we talked. At this point it feels like all our dinners and movies and rehearsals together never happened. 

If I could take it all back, if I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t even let the idea cross my mind. 

I didn’t mean to hurt you, I swear, I just wanted to [ scribbled out ] 

You saved my life I just wanted to GIVE SOMETHING BACK TO YOU

I thought I knew how and I thought I knew you and I didn’t and I fucked up the only good thing that’s happened to me since Red died and [ scribbled out ] 

I keep thinking about the way you looked the last time we had dinner together and you were so beautiful sitting on the floor playing with Frankie and I [ scribbled out ]

I can’t 

———

File Name: FOUNDMUS20_DOCU_29072020_RAW.VID 

Video Length: 03:40:08

Date Recorded: 29 Jul 2020

[ camera positioned on tripod in the middle of the Flitcroft auditiorium, trained on the stage, where all relevant personnel are working through another rehearsal ] 

“… okay, good, that was good, kids, well done. Tommy, watch your marks, remember, you have to step on the crosses, alright? Keep to the crosses. Leslie, Ann, Julia, you’re moving too close to the back when you enter - keep away from the ensemble, yeah? Okay, I want us to run through For Another Day again, and after that we can have a ten minute… Kate?”

[ speech garbled, all the children on camera break character to scream ‘Miss Kate’ in Kate Barkley’s direction; most adult personnel turn to the side door through which Kate has entered looking shocked; Lisa Lawson rises from the piano with an unreadable expression ]

“Oh my god, Kate - what are you doing here? Have you come back to help us out? Please tell me the answer is yes, we need your help - “

“I came to find Lisa.”

[ Most adult personnel turn to look at Lisa; Lisa sits back down and faces the piano, not Kate; Kate crosses the auditorium towards the piano, until she’s standing right beside Lisa ]

“Can we talk?”

[ Lisa makes an abortive shrug, still not facing Kate ]

“Please?” 

“We don’t have anything to talk about. We’re running behind time for this rehearsal already, so if you’re not here to help, then stop getting in the way.” 

“I have to - I need to apologise.” 

“So do it later. I have songs to play. Jess - “ 

“No, I have to do it here. Right here, because you were right. I need to tell you that I’m sorry, and I want everyone to know that I’m sorry. That I was the one who screwed up, and hurt you - you didn’t do anything wrong. I was angry and I lashed out and let everyone down.” 

[ Kate turns slightly, so she faces everyone else in the room; everyone watches her ] 

“The line Lisa wanted to add into the second verse of Home Thoughts From Abroad - it was a line she heard me say. Till we laugh again. It was - it was something Jamie used to say. Something I hold close to my heart because I miss him every second that I’m alive. It was something to hold on to, and all Lisa tried to do was honour him in the best way she knew how and it was beautiful. I just couldn’t see that for far too long. I was just… being stupid and stubborn. I’ve… you were right, I’ve spent years just clinging on to his ghost, his memory, centering my life around his death because I felt like that was the only way I could really keep him alive - keep him with me. Then I met you and - and my orbit started shifting.” 

[ Lisa takes her hands off the piano keys; turns to look at Kate more closely than before ]

“Kate.” 

“I’m sorry. You were just trying to do something good - for me - and I took out my fears and insecurities on you.”

“It’s just - it’s been three weeks. I texted you and I called you a hundred times and I even went over to your place - “

“I know. I know, I was too - I was so angry, and then I was guilty, and then I was ashamed, and I’m sorry, Lisa, I’m sorry - “ 

“Just - I mean - what even got you to finally come down here?” 

“Frankie.”

“… what?” 

“Frankie wrote me a letter. Dropped it off when both of you came over to try and see me, I think. She told me that you were a mess and that I was being a little stupid.”

[ something in Lisa’s expression shifts; she makes eye contact with Kate again and laughs ]

“She does that.” 

“She was right. I was scared and it made me stupid.” 

“I don’t under - scared of what, Kate?”

[ Kate stands still, glancing around at everyone else in the auditorium still staring, letting her and Lisa speak in silence but watching the proceedings anyway, before straightening her back and looking Lisa in the eye ]

“I made Jamie my whole life after he died. I swore to myself I’d always love him, only him, above anyone or anything else. And when you and Frankie appeared in my life, things changed and - it felt like I was betraying him, because - he and Rich, they... I think they aren’t - they’re not the only people I love any more.” 

[ Lisa pushes up from the piano in an abrupt movement, going to her feet; she cups Kate’s face in her hands and kisses her; Kate visibly softens into the kiss; there’s an excited commotion from the kids on stage and encouraging whistles from the adult personnel in the auditorium; Frankie Lawson runs down from the stage to Kate and Lisa when the kiss ends and hugs Kate and Lisa in turn; Lisa keeps an arm tight around Frankie’s shoulders while she presses her forehead to Kate’s ]

“For fuck’s sake, Crooks, turn your camera off, you bloody perv. This ain’t going in the documentary.”

“I don’t know, Ruby. It would make a great story, yeah?” 

“Turn it off and come make fun of both of them with the rest of us.” 

“Alright, alright, I’m coming.”

[ video ends ]

———

To: Kate Barkley

Hey

Does this mean you’re back on the musical

From: Kate Barkley

Yes :)

That’s what I’m discussing with Jess and Ruby right now. It’ll just be a little longer. Sorry to make you and Frankie wait.

To: Kate Barkley

Thank fucking god 

And don’t worry about it

I waited for you for three weeks, a few more minutes isn’t going to be a dealbreaker

From: Kate Barkley

I know. I’m sorry. 

I have so much more to apologise for. And to talk about. 

To: Kate Barkley

We can do all of that talking stuff tonight

Yeah? 

From: Kate Barkley

Yes. 

See you in a few. 

I love you.

To: Kate Barkley

Jesus you can’t just drop that on a girl in a text message 

Fuck me I had to sit down

How long has it even been?

For you

From: Kate Barkley

I don’t know.

If I were being dramatic I might say ‘at first sight’. 

I wouldn’t. But I do think when I first saw you, that very first time at the musical auditions, I knew you’d be important to me. I just didn’t know how much. 

To: Kate Barkley

Yeah that makes two of us

Waiting for you in the carpark 

I’ll see you out here

Love you too 

———

YOUR WEEK AHEAD: 3/8 - 9/8

MONDAY

• smart recovery 4th meeting @ 5PM (dinner @ kate’s) 
• practice musical songs 

TUESDAY

• tech rehearsal @ 4PM 

WEDNESDAY

• tech rehearsal @ 4PM
• hang frankie’s costume near front door 

THURSDAY

• dress rehearsal @ 4PM

FRIDAY

• dress rehearsal @ 4PM (kate to stay overnight)

SATURDAY

• THE BIG DAY!!!!! (reporting time 8AM) 
• matinee @ 1PM
• night show @ 7PM 
• afterparty @ 10PM (bring cake, ice cream?) 
• overnight @ kate's (bring dvds)

SUNDAY 

• day in @ kate’s

———

File Name: FOUNDMUS20_DOCU_08082020_RAW.VID 

Video Length: 02:59:43

Date Recorded: 8 Aug 2020

[ camera pans from one side of the stage to the other; the sound of frenzied activity all throughtout the auditorium in the background; vaguely audible piano music from one side ]

“Tom, just a reminder that we need that camera on the tripod at the side in twenty.”

“I got it, Jess. Just a last sweep of the chaos right now.”

“Don’t say chaos, you’ll set Annie off again. Eve ripped some of the stitches in her dress getting out of the car this morning and she just spent an hour scrambling to fix it.” 

“Crooks - Crooks! Can you get a bit of candid footage of Lisa please - no, yeah, Lisa, you just keep playing - over here, Crooks - “

“Wait, no, it’s weird - Ruby, I can’t play with Crooks videoing over my shoulder!”

“What, why not? Is he too close? Back it up a little, Crooks.” 

“No, it’s just - he’s right behind me watching - “

“The whole school is going to be watching later, I hope you didn’t forget about that - “

“Well that’s different - “

[ Kate Barkley suddenly appears in the frame from the upper left corner; she presses a kiss to Lisa’s temple; Lisa looks surprised but happy ]

“You’ll be fine. You’re a star. Just play as you usually do, it'll be perfect. Let Ruby get the footage she needs.”

“... all right, for you. Crooks, maybe over here? You’re casting a shadow when you stand there.”

“Sorry. Over here?”

“Yeah, that’s good.”

[ camera focuses on Lisa playing the opening chords to ‘Home Thoughts From Abroad’; flawlessly; she plays the song as if she’s been playing it her entire life… ]

———

FLITCROFT PRIMARY SCHOOL

FOUNDERS’ DAY MUSICAL 2020

8 AUGUST 2020

Principal’s Address

On this very day one hundred years ago, Peter Flitcroft declared Flitcroft Primary School open. It saw a class of twelve students and a total of three teachers in that first year. Today, Flitcroft enrolls 1,900 students, providing them with the best of primary English education...  

Song List

ACT ONE

Working Boy 

For The Record 

The Shore 

Golden Skies 

Hold Your Tongue 

Home Thoughts From Abroad 

ACT TWO

Pictures, Fading 

Knock 

Above The Noise 

Evening Shadows 

After Darkness 

For Another Day

———

“Thank you, Flitcroft, and good night.”

———

From: Ruby Seeger [ FCPS Founders’ Day Musical Personnel ]

THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!

CURTAIN CALL!!

WE HAVE OFFICIALLY CLOSED THE FOUNDERS’ DAY MUSICAL!!!!

WE ARE DONE!!!

To: Jess Cole [ FCPS Founders’ Day Musical Personnel ]

Okay just a VERY quick reminder that we do have a final debrief next week, please don’t forget about that 

But yes, we successfully pulled off the Founders’ Day Musical!

Please change out and leave all costumes with Annie, all props should be left with Maz

The afterparty will begin at my place at 10! Drop me a text if you don’t have my address

See you all there!!! 

———

From: Kate Barkley 

Heading over to Jess’ place with Malc and Helen first so we can help her set up for the afterparty.

To: Kate Barkley

Ok

Gonna finish up over here and make sure Frankie gets changed

Will drive over with Annie 

See you soon babe

From: Kate Barkley 

I’ll see you there :)

———

[ written on plain notepaper in dark blue ink, left on top of Kate’s cellphone on her bedside table ]

It’s barely 8am and I’m awake. I’m not sure how either, considering we all got to bed at about 3 at the earliest. Damn but does Jess know how to throw a good party even when half the attendees are children under 12. 

It was a brilliant night. The whole day was brilliant. It was so chaotic right before we opened the matinee but it was wonderful. When the audience called for an encore for the night show… watching Frankie sing on stage like she never wanted to be anywhere else… it was incredible. I think that was the happiest I’ve been in a long, long time. 

You were incredible too, of course, nobody would’ve had their heads on straight if you weren’t there. I’m so glad you came back to do the musical. I’m so glad you came back, period. 

Have I thanked you lately for emailing me that day, back in March, after Red died? I can probably never say it enough. I think we both fucked up along the way, but - you saved my life. I'll owe you for that forever. 

I’m writing this in bed right now, looking at you fast asleep beside me with your arms around Frankie. You look so beautiful. Both of you. I want to wake up to that for the rest of my days. 

I love you so much. 

Thank you for loving me back.

PS: Gone to get breakfast from the bakery down the street. If you wake up before I get back, can you make coffee?

———

EPILOGUE: THREE YEARS LATER

From: kate :)

Groceries:

• eggs
• sugar
• baking chocolate
• cranberry juice
• milk (one gallon 2%, one carton almond)
• corn
• rocket 
• ice cream
• hummus 
• Frankie’s facial wash
• toothpaste 

Stuck in school, long PTA discussion this afternoon. Can you pick all of that up after your shift today?

To: kate :)

You know, I remember when you used to spend half your mornings sending me nauseatingly romantic texts 

From: kate :)

Unfortunately I don’t believe there’s a way to make ‘pick up milk at the shops’ sound romantic, darling. 

But I can make it up to you when you get home tonight.

To: kate :)

Hmm, after Frankie finally deigns to go to bed? ;)

From: kate :)

Actually, I meant I’d make your favourite beef stew.

But yes, that too. 

To: kate :)

The perfect combination

Make some salad to go with the beef stew yeah 

Gotta eat those greens

Does Frankie end drama club before or after you today?

From: kate :)

About fifteen minutes before but only if neither of us overrun.

If I’m late Ruby will watch her for a bit.

To: kate :)

Okay

Got a customer

Back to work

From: kate :)

See you tonight.

Love you.

To: kate :)

Love you more

For fucking ever babe

See you tonight :)