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Tim felt a sense of dread ever since the sounds from the battlefield vanished. He wanted to believe the silence meant that Roy’s attempt to reprogram Indigo to destroy the Superman robot had been successful. The more cynical part of him thought about how easy it had been for the Superman robot to kill Lilith, how easy it had been for the robot to throw Garth into a truck, and how easy it had been for the robot to throw Bart around like a rag doll.
What if the robot had managed to kill more people Tim cared about?
The thought crossed his mind over and over as he and Roy walked up the hill together, both of them taking it slow since Roy’s arm was injured. The growing anxiety in Tim’s chest threatened to suffocate him, and even though he wanted to speed ahead, he stayed by Roy’s side.
It felt like ages by the time they got to the top of the hill. Roy was definitely more out of breath than Tim was, but he was also lugging around heavier armor than Tim was, and he had an injured arm to stabilize. Tim would have looked him over to make sure he was okay if it wasn’t for his fear-driven desire to know what had happened to his brother and teammates.
Tim braced himself for the worst, only to breathe a sigh of relief when he looked down at where Conner was helping Cassie into a sitting position. Cassie seemed okay, if a little out of it. She was blinking her eyes slowly and looked to be working her way up to saying something. Conner looked okay too other than the fact that he was moving a little slower than usual.
Tim was just happy they were okay.
It wasn’t until he heard Roy’s sharp intake of breath that Tim realized something was wrong. He followed Roy’s line of sight to where Dick was sitting on the ground with Donna’s head cradled in his lap. Dick’s mask laid in tatters next to them.
Tim tried to process the sparking remains of the Superman robot, the Indigo robot collapsed next to it, Donna’s unmoving form, and the blood coated all over Dick’s gloves. The more he stared, the more the puzzle pieces clicked into place, and Tim finally realized that his fear hadn’t been unwarranted.
A fresh wave of horror hit him so suddenly that he stumbled back as if he’d physically been hit, his eyes never leaving the hole in Donna’s chest. Roy seemed to realize the same thing because he was suddenly hurtling down the hill at breakneck speed.
Roy’s voice was high pitched and strangled as he yelled, “Donna!”
Tim watched in a state of shock as Roy fell to his knees beside Dick with his hands outstretched over Donna’s body. It looked like he wanted to try and press them over the wound that was staining her skin and clothes red.
“Dick,” Roy said, panicked, “don’t tell me she’s… she’s not…”
Dead, Tim’s mind supplied for him.
Tim felt like he needed to be closer to confirm that he was right. To confirm that Donna was actually dead. He was pretty sure he was right but what if—what if.
He felt like a newborn foal on uneven legs when he stumbled down the hill and came to a stop at Dick’s other side, careful not to step too close to Donna’s legs. His eyes were immediately drawn to the singed, gaping hole in Donna’s chest that oozed blood. His gaze traveled up until he saw Donna’s wide, unseeing eyes looking up at the sky.
It was only then that Tim really knew she was gone.
The sudden sound of Roy’s sobs sent a chill down Tim’s spine and made goosebumps appear all over his arms. Tim had heard a lot of agonized screams during his time as Robin. It was something he’d unintentionally signed up for when he decided to be Batman’s partner. But there was a distinct difference between hearing a stranger going through it and hearing a friend going through it. Tim didn’t usually get choked up over the strangers he helped. Part of it was due to the lack of a personal bond between them, and the other part of it was because he’d been desensitized to a lot of the horrors people went through.
Roy wasn’t a stranger to Tim. He was one of his brother’s best friends, and he was someone Tim had gotten to know and fight alongside over the years. Roy’s scream affected Tim in a visceral way that brought sympathetic tears to his eyes. It overloaded him with emotion, and in his sudden grief, he turned to the one person who had always been a comforting figure for him to latch onto.
Dick’s name never made it past Tim’s lips because every thought he had came to a grinding halt as soon as Tim realized that Dick was crying. It was the first time Tim had ever seen Dick cry, and he couldn’t even begin to describe the feeling of wrongness he felt as he continued to stare in alarm at the tears that pooled down Dick’s cheeks. The anguish on Dick’s face was so stark that it made Tim feel sick to his stomach. He couldn't handle the way Dick looked like a lost child with his ruddy cheeks and tear-filled blue eyes.
Dick looked anything but the composed leader of the Titans that he usually was. His drawn in shoulders made him look incredibly small, and his trembling mouth replaced any traces of his confident, charming smile. Part of his face was also bleeding and swelling up, which just made Tim’s heart break for him even more.
Dick's gloved hand was stroking obsessively over Donna's hair as if he was trying to comfort her even in death. "'M sorry, Donna..." Dick whimpered. The raw pain and grief behind that simple apology made Tim choke on the lump that had formed in his throat, and he suddenly found it hard to look at Dick, especially when Dick's chest heaved in a way that made it look like it pained him to breathe.
Dick's wails made his words nearly unintelligible. All Tim could make out was Dick gasping, "You were supposed to come home with us... We're supposed to... supposed to be together..."
Roy finally tore his watery eyes away from Donna's face, and in a voice sounding just as wrecked as Dick's, he choked out Dick's name. Tim wasn't sure if Roy was trying to get Dick to stop or if he was looking for comfort.
Dick just shook his head back and forth like he was stuck in a trance. He started muttering things in Tamaranean that probably didn't even make sense. The tears on his face continued to fall in a steady stream, mixing with the blood on Donna's chest and leaving trails of pink on her skin.
The lack of control Dick was displaying was disturbing in a way that Tim couldn’t quite put into words. He’d never seen his brother like this before, and it was scaring him.
He didn’t really know what to do with himself. Didn’t know how to help. Not with something like this.
There was nothing he could say to make it better, so he didn’t say anything at all. He simply stepped closer and gripped Dick's shoulder with his right hand and Roy's shoulder with his left hand, trying to anchor them with his touch. A small whine of sympathy escaped his throat when he realized that both of them were shaking.
It was hard. It was so fucking hard to try and keep it together for both of them when all Tim wanted to do was turn away from all of this and find a quiet place to deal with his own grief, because he loved Donna too. Not in the same way Roy did romantically or in the way Dick loved her like a sister. No, it was a much simpler love. One of friendship and admiration. It wasn't something that could be compared to the love the Titans felt for her, but Tim felt a sense of loss for her all the same.
He held onto Dick and Roy a little tighter, wishing this was all just a dream.
Tim hated that it wasn’t.