Chapter Text
Rey was getting to him. His indecision was plain for her to see even if the world only saw the blank stare he projected. Ben’s focus wasn’t on the fight surrounding them, it was a battle inside his mind, his past and his present warred for dominance over his future. Rey didn’t fear the outcome. She wasn’t scared of him, never could be. Their power was a gift that they shared. On their own, they could do so much but together, their potential was almost endless. Rey knew that. It was why Palpatine wanted Ben, well, wanted Kylo Ren. But she would make sure that didn’t happen. Ben Solo was hers just as much as she was his.
“How can I go back? They did this to me.” His voice cracked and his eyes were shining with unshed tears. “They feared the monster.”
“But why, Ben? Why did they do this?” Rey got some unintelligible and poorly explained version from Luke, so she wanted to know what Ben was able to remember since Snoke played slice and dice with his mind. She would kick Luke's ass later, but she had to succeed first. Ben Solo was coming home with her, she would deal with Kylo later. He was still part of the man that I love.
"I have been able to put some of the pieces together. Flashes half-remembered; fear, guilt, pain, and sorrow. Things were all jumbled up after Snoke played around in my mind," Ben said. His eyes remained fixed on her without really seeing her.
“My uncle saw too much of my grandfather in me, I guess. My outbursts were... big as a child. I was really sensitive to the people around me and when their emotions went off, mine did too.” His words were dripping with bitterness and regret. “Mom could persuade me to calm down with her power most of the time. But if she wasn’t there, things got broken. And if anyone tried to interfere, they got hurt.” He looked at her with eyes so pained and lost and Rey’s heart broke for her love.
“That part of me was primal, very self-preserving, you could say. I started calling myself Kylo Ren, whenever I was in that state. It was a way to separate myself from my actions at the time. I needed help. I wanted to control it. No matter what Luke thought, I did not enjoy the display of power. It scared people. I didn’t want to be a monster.” His eyes were unfocused as if he was looking into the past and seeing the frightened boy he was.
“Ben, you are not a monster.” Rey’s voice was firm and confident. She would prove it to him. “I thought that for a long time about myself. Do you know what changed my mind?” Rey begged him to see.
Ben shook his head, looking sad and confused. He had always been comfortable in his skin. But since learning the truth, Ben felt aimless and untethered. His peace had nothing more than an illusion; a bandaid thrown over a gaping wound and then forgotten. How could he trust in himself again? How could Rey want to be near him?
“You did. You, Ben Solo, showed me the truth. I wasn’t a monster.” Rey said, determined to reach past his self-doubt. She shifted closer to him. “And neither are you. I’ll help you.” Rey extended her hand to him again. She was tempted to wrap her arms around him but she didn’t want to cloud his mind with their connection. Ben needed to make peace with himself.
“Ben. I love you. And I will choose you for the rest of our lives. Two that are one. Do you remember telling me that? When you proposed to me you said that we were one. And I believed you, so if you don’t want to be called a liar, you will choose me and our love.” Her hand was still beckoning him and would remain until he took it.
What she said was true. She would choose him no matter what. Rey only hoped he would choose her too. She refused to believe that he was lost. When the truth came out and Ben’s inner conflict and past troubles came to light, Luke’s later words and actions just confirmed it. Luke seemed ready to write him off. But she knew better. His descent into darkness was not permanent. He could come back from it. She just had to prove it to him first.
Ben reached out and grasped Rey’s hand into his own. Rey felt the pounding of her heart and was afraid it would jump out of her chest and fling itself at Ben’s feet in relief.
His fingers were soft, almost hesitant against her own. He’d only been gone for a few days but it felt like a lifetime to her. If she hadn’t been so angry at Luke and determined to get Ben back, she would have broken down. Rey couldn’t help the tears that overflowed from her eyes. They rushed down her cheeks in a torrent of suppressed emotions that are being felt fully for the first time since Ben disappeared with Palpatine and Snoke.
Rey looked into Ben’s eyes and saw the pain and remorse for what his actions did to her. He was so lost in his own pain and anger that he lost sight of what they had for some time. Ben would need to sort out his past and the darker aspect of his powers so they could look toward their future. Rey knew he would make it up to her. He was her other half, and she would be with him every step of the way.
Rey didn’t stop herself from flinging her body into his arms and clinging to him as tightly as possible. It was so wonderful to feel his arms surround her and hold her in his strong, protective embrace once more. She would never let him be ripped from her again.
He jerked away from her suddenly and placed his hand against his forehead. Ben closed his eyes as if he was fighting against some inner pain. But that was wrong, the level of pain rolling off of him did not make sense. She looked around trying to find the source. There. It was Snoke. He was trying to force his way into Ben’s head to make him lose control.
“We’ll see about that.” Rey ground out viciously. She looked around and saw a broken bit of fence nearby. That’ll do. Reaching out with her hand she used her power to hurl it where it impaled through Snoke’s body. It didn’t kill him, but it shocked him enough that Ben was able to break free of the mental attack, concentrate and hurled a piece of wreckage at him that cut his body in half. His anger was truly a sight to see, much deserved and understood in that instance. But Rey didn’t fear that he would be pushed over the edge again, she could reach him now.
They both stood there, stunned for a moment before their surroundings started to make themselves known. Ben and Rey could no longer ignore the fighting around them. They had to get back to the others. They made their way from the bridge and headed towards a barricade of wreckage. If they were going to succeed, they would need to regroup.
When fighting together, they felt unstoppable. Ben and Rey were so attuned to the other, that their friends often asked if they could read the other’s mind. And they were taking advantage of that skill to plow through Palpatine’s forces. The First Order was still fighting strong, the lab would not last against Palpatine’s power.
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They had a plan, and were ready to execute it. Poe and Finn were ready to do their parts, and Luke would do his. It was time to end the tyranny of the First Order. They worked together like they always had. Two people, connected, willing to make the greatest sacrifice for the one they love. Thankfully, that sacrifice didn’t have to be made that day. They stood victorious with bumps, bruises, and various cuts, that showed their efforts to survive. Both Snoke and Palpatine were dead and the siege against the lab was over.
After the fighting had stopped Ben fell to his knees and brought his hand up to his head as his gaze fell toward the ground. The pain he felt was more psychological than physical and Rey wished they were home. They could curl up together and shut out the rest of the world until Ben could make sense of everything that had happened. The devastation surrounding them was almost unfathomable. Ben couldn’t believe he had been a part of it. He was so lost in Kylo Ren he forgot to be Ben Solo.
Rey placed herself in front of him. She was ready to get on her knees with him when he reached out and wrapped his arms around her waist and pressed his head into her stomach. She smiled sadly and ran her fingers through his hair in soft soothing patterns and held his head close to her body, waiting for him to speak. He spoke so softly, at first she almost didn’t realize he had spoken at all.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve this for what I’ve done.” Ben sounded so broken that Rey nearly drew blood to keep her own emotions in check. It was her turn to be the strong one.
“Hey. None of that. They got into your head and twisted enough of your thoughts that you didn’t realize the actions you were taking let alone the consequences as a result. You were angry at your family, yes. But did you truly wish to harm them?” Rey tapped his cheek with her finger hoping he would raise his eyes to her own.
“No.” He spoke into her belly, afraid to see the look in her eyes perhaps? In the future, she will enjoy seeing him do such an action to whisper words of love to their child, but that was not a reality yet. His hands were fisted into her shirt at her waist and his nose was buried in the skin just below her belly button.
Their friends came by to see if they could help but she waved them away. There would be time for their support soon, he needed her now. She used her free hand to move his hair away from his forehead and pulled slightly to get him to lift his eyes to her own.
She said nothing. She just smiled and showed him all the love she carried for him. No words were needed. They could have been in that pose for five minutes, five hours, or five years for all that they were aware of time passing.
“Let’s go home, sweetheart.” She smiled at the radiant grin he gave as his nickname was turned back on him.
“Home it is, sweetheart.” Ben got to his feet and pulled her into the tightest embrace he could. He placed his lips against her ear and whispered, “My home is wherever you are. Forever. I love you.”
“I know.” Rey grinned and pressed her lips against his in a quick, chaste kiss. Any further confirmation of their love could wait until they were safely behind closed doors.
They held each other into the dawning of a new day. No one would ever separate them again; they would make sure of it. Rey breathed in deeply and leaned away slightly to rest her forehead against his own as she whispered, “I love you, too.”