Chapter Text
Katsuki stormed his way into the locker room. His hands and forearms were absolutely aching after the intense training exercises Aizawa had put them through that afternoon. He opened his locker, tossing in his gauntlets without a care for their wellbeing, and slammed the door shut. Something snapped that probably shouldn’t have, but that was a tomorrow-Katsuki problem. Right now he was fuming.
For some sort of twisted reason, Aizawa thought this week was a great week for them to continue their training in the pairs he put them in at the beginning of the year. Of-fucking-course the bastard had put him and Deku together. It was, as his teacher explained, an ‘obvious’ decision. However, the glint in his eyes told Katsuki it was for his own personal amusement. In all honestly, for the entire year they’d been working as a duo, it hadn’t gone terribly. They had made a good amount of progress on their moves individually and together and as much as Katsuki hated to admit it, their working as a duo made them an incredible powerhouse.
He should’ve known duo training would be coming back into rotation. It’d probably been six weeks since they last done anything to do with duos, but of all weeks for it to be, their teacher could’ve chosen better. Today was probably the worst day they had as a training duo, minus that first day.
Ever since Katsuki’s outburst the other day, Deku had barely said anything to him, barely even looked at him, which is a real fucking feat in and of itself when you’re supposed to be working as partners in training simulations. The dumbass had left everything for Katsuki to plan and only nodded at him and went into a fight like he had nothing to lose. Like he was in first year again. Like he had something to prove and no regard for where that left him in the aftermath.
Said reckless behavior then caused Deku to miss his hand in one of their combo moves, landing him in a pile of rubble on the opposite side of the battlefield. Katsuki had honestly thought he was dead by the time he made it over to him and he still hadn’t moved. Deku was lucky to have walked out with minor scrapes and bruises
Katsuki thought of his crumpled body against the piles of rock, blood streaming from his hairline. The dumbass had the audacity to say it was a minor miscalculation.
‘My bad,’ he had mumbled before getting a once over by Aizawa to assess if a visit to Recovery Girl was needed or not.
Katsuki's eye twitched. He kicked his locker again.
He thought with a week of distance since their last conversation, everything would be okay and go back to how things were before. He didn’t engage with the other two unless absolutely necessary. His conversation with Kirishima had been in the back pocket of his mind all week. He did intend on talking to the pair, apologizing to them. After thinking. And sorting through his emotions. And thinking again. And after his thinking and sorting and thinking and planning, then he would talk to them. But he was still in the thinking stage of this whole mess.
His mind kept taking him back to that morning, how he had woken up rested and warm. How arms wrapped around him seeking warmth and comfort.
Comfort. From him.
He thought about Todoroki and the teasing in his voice, the sparkle in his eye as they spoke. How easy it was for them to banter back and forth and there not be any real bite to it. He thought about the blush that took over Deku’s freckled cheeks.
He needed time so they didn’t end up with another outburst as they did before, but at this point fucking Deku was forcing his hand with his lack of teamwork during training. How are they supposed to improve and get better when Deku is acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum? He was trying to be calm and collected about the whole thing. He needed time and Deku was doing a spectacular job in making sure that didn’t happen.
He sat down in a slump, anger simmering down enough to lay just beneath the surface of his skin. He was so tired. Between training, his outburst, and the lack of sleep he’d been getting this week, he was ready to drop. He began unlacing his boots, opening his locker to slowly put the rest of his gear away. He winced at the state of his gauntlets, annoyed that he let his anger get the best of him enough to throw them without a care in the world. Hatsume was going to be pissed that she had to tweak them. Again.
The rest of the class began filling in the boys' locker room as Katsuki was putting the rest of his costume away. They chattered joyfully around him. The majority of the class learned early on that a Katsuki that storms off after training is a Katsuki to be left alone in the locker room. He laced up his shoes and grabbed his athletic tape to start wrapping up his hands and forearms. He really had overdone it today. He sighed, ignoring the conversations around him.
He was so focused on his wrap, he didn’t notice the presence sneak up behind him until it was too late.
“Hey man, I don’t know if now is a good ti-,”
“Kacchan?” the voice sounded timid, guilty.
Katuski stopped his wrapping, taking a calming deep breath before looking up at Deku. Just as his voice portrayed, he looked guilty, hands wringing together, eyes flitting everywhere but Katsuki, feet shuffling from one to the other endlessly. Katsuki almost felt bad for the nerd. Until he saw the bruise blossoming across the entire right side of his face, causing the anger that had been simmering quietly beneath his skin to flare suddenly at the reminder of their failure earlier. His failure.
“What?” He snapped, voice clipped and so very noticeably angry. Deku swallowed hard, eyes darting to the few people left in the locker room before speaking.
“I was just wondering if we could talk about… um-”
“Talk about how you majorly fucked up during training today? Or about how you’ve been too involved with how your feelings were hurt last week to put those emotions aside to actually focus on your training,” Katsuki’s words came out more and more cutting and dark the more he spoke. The anger was bubbling up and overflowing onto the ground around them.
“Or how about the fact that anytime we had to work together this week, you’ve completely thrown caution to the wind and thrown yourself into idiotic, reckless situations like you’re a stupid first year again. We’re six months away from graduation and joining agencies that will rely on us to actually save people. Keep acting how you are and you’ll get yourself killed before you can be a hero.”
The room had cleared out partway through Katsuki’s rant leaving the pair of them alone. This isn’t the first time the pair of them had gotten into it after training, and it definitely won’t be the last. Another thing the class learned early on was to clear out before anything got too nasty or uncomfortable when they argued. Deku’s eyes had hardened as Katsuki spoke and he turned his hands to fists. They kept their stares level, neither backing down from the fight. That was fine by Katsuki, maybe a few knocks in the dumbass's head would get something through to him.
“I am not acting like a stupid reckless idiot. I know what I’m doing out there, I’m not a dumb quikless kid that needs saving.”
Katsuki couldn’t help but scoff. That seemed to set something off internally for Deku as his fists tightened further.
“And why the hell does it matter to you if I don’t make it long enough to become a sidekick at an agency, just makes it easier for you to get to number one. That’s all you care about isn’t it?”
Katsuki blinked once.
Twice.
By the third blink, the weight of Deku’s words hit him in his chest and his vision filled with red. He was on the other side of the bench, Deku’s collar in his fists as he shoved him against the lockers opposite him.
“What the fuck did you just say?” His voice was a whisper but it did nothing to mask the venom in his tone. “What the hell has the last 18 months been about, between helping you train to be better and fighting together instead of against each other? We supposed to be hero partners for fucksake.” Katsuki’s voice was rising in volume and he shoved Deku against the locker once more.
“You really think after half the shit we’ve been through together I’m still happy to see you fuck off and die? Just so I have a better chance at number one? Fuck you.”
Deku’s eyes widened, whether from Katsuki’s words or being shoved against the lockers, Katsuki didn’t give a shit.
At the moment someone rounded the corner. “Hey, are you guys-” the voice faltered as they took in the scene in front of them. Katsuki could laugh at the unfathomable misfortune he had for the person to be none other than Todoroki. He honestly would have rather Aizawa walk in on the scene and give him a week's worth of detention than deal with the Icyhot bastard. Katsuki and Deku both ignored him.
“We’re supposed to be hero partners and today you missed my fucking hand. I thought you were dead when you hit that wall you fucking dumbass. Thought I killed you. So you know what, you can think I want you dead all you want, but you miss my fucking hand again and I’ll make sure to kill you myself.”
At that Katsuki released his hold on Deku’s collar, letting him fall the few inches back to the floor. He sat back on the bench, pointedly ignoring the pair behind him as he tried to wrap his hands. It took him three attempts to figure out why he was struggling so hard to do this simple task until he realized his hands were shaking so hard he kept dropping the wrap and his vision was blurred with tears.
“Fuck!” He threw the wrap at the locker, it bouncing off the lockers and somewhere behind him. He scrubbed at his face irritated at the tears in his eyes, hurt that Deku still thought so lowly of him, and fully understanding as to what Deku still thinks that of him.
“Bakugou are you oka-”
“Kacchan, I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I sai-”
Both voices began, Deku in an obvious mumbling rush from spiraling. Katsuki just held up his hand to stop them. He sighed. He took in a few more deep breaths, calming his anger and racing heart.
“I know why you said it. I hurt you both by what I said last week and you just wanted to hurt me the way you were hurting,” He finally turned to face the pair.
Deku, predictably, had tears in the rim of his wide eyes, his nose already turning red from trying to not cry. Todoroki stood to the side, shoulder propped against the locker face void of any emotions to not give anything away. Annoying.
“Listen, I’m an asshole. I know I am. And so do both of you. I’m sorry for what I said last week and acting like an asshole. I needed time to think about what you said and acting the way you have this week hasn’t given me the space to think, Deku.”
Katsuki finally managed to make eye contact with the nerd. Katsuki surprisingly wasn’t mad anymore, hurt of course, but he had done enough hurt to Deku their entire life to know this was the least of what he deserved. He deserved Deku’s hate and anger. Deserved to be cut out of his life and never allowed the opportunity to redeem himself. He was so far beyond redemption.
Doesn’t mean he isn’t desperately trying and hopeful for Deku’s forgiveness.
He sighed again, eyes finding their way to the ceiling. “Just give me time, okay?”
It was quiet for several moments before he received a reply.
“Okay, Kacchan, I’m-” There was a bit of a shuffle that cut Deku off. Katuski was sure it was Icyhot nudging the nerd to shut up. Katsuki couldn’t help the quirk of his mouth. “Okay, Kacchan.”
The was more shuffling, Deku likely changing out of his hero costume as fast as he could without disturbing him further. From the corner of his eye, Katsuki saw a hand hesitantly reach out towards him. Katsuki looked to find Deku, smiling softly offering his hand out to him, eyes open and soft. He couldn’t stop the roll of his eyes, but Deku, unphased, offered his hand more insistently. Katsuki relented.
He grasped the freckled-faced nerd's hand in his as they would in the middle of a battle for their combo move. Warm, slightly clammy, scarred, and crooked fingers wrapped around his, tightening encouragingly. Katsuki couldn’t stop his from squeezing back.
“It won’t happen again, I promise.”
A moment later, the hand was taken from his grasp before he could respond. The locker room door shut, leaving Katsuki in piercing silence. He sat for an unknown amount of time just staring at his hands, willing himself to get on all fours to search for his athletic wrap for his hands and ignore the cold emptiness that had been left in his hand after Deku pulled away. He wondered what the two-toned idiot thought of the whole ordeal. He hadn’t even finished a single sentence after walking in on the pair.
Once his bottom began to go numb from the bench and he still hadn’t gotten the willpower to find his wrap he just grabbed his bag and made his way to the dorms.
The air was refreshing, clearing his mind and lungs as he stepped out of the musty old gym. Sure, UA was the best of the best for hero schools, but they seriously needed to consider using some of their seemingly endless funding on some newer gyms. The sky was bright orange, the sun just about to dip behind the horizon as Katsuki walked along the path.
He thought his mind would be full of endless trains of thought, but he was thankful to find that for once, he was too tired to think too much past getting back to the dorms, having a nice, warm meal, and crashing on his bed until the morning. He was grateful they only had one more day before the weekend. He wasn’t sure he’d make it through tomorrow as is.
He went into full autopilot mode once reaching the dorm, floating his way through dinner and clean up. His classmates kept their distance once again, Kirishima being the only one to ask him if he wanted more food or any help with cleaning up for the evening. Katsuki, tired more than irritated hoped his huffs and grunts didn’t come across too negatively. Then again, Kirishima knew him well enough by now to know the difference, and Katsuki was too tired to actually care if he upset him. If he hadn’t scared shitty hair off by now then he was sure it took more than a few grunts to upset him.
Katsuki was relieved to finally be making his way to his room, the number four a welcoming beacon in the elevator. He was so out of it walking into his room, that he nearly missed the small package sitting in front of his door. He huffed, leaning down to pick the item up, and stumbled through his door. He plopped on his bed letting out a groan from the comfort he instantly felt before taking a look at the item in his hands.
He could only let out a scoff. It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes' level of intelligence to know Todoroki was the one to stop by and leave the package. Katsuki was learning more and more how perceptive the idiot was and he didn't know what to think about being that closely observed. It made him feel like an open book and he hated that.
Katsuki twirled the athletic wrap between his fingers, debating whether or not it was still worth wrapping up at least his forearms. They were still throbbing. Annoyingly, the wrap had a red and blue marbled effect as a design. In the end, that’s what put Katsuki off of wrapping himself up. He’d be damned to be seen walking around with the IcyHot’s colors on his arms. He ignored the other thoughts and questions that filled his mind at the wrap being left for him. More importantly, he ignored the feelings it stirred in his chest.
He set the wrap on his dresser and eagerly took himself through his nighttime routine. By the time he’d finished and laid his head down on his pillow, he prayed he was tired enough to sleep through the night without incident, hoping his brain was too tired to come up with any nightmarish dreams. He was asleep before his eyes had even finished closing.