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Thriving in the Dark

Chapter 11

Notes:

here we are, the last chapter!
thank you to everyone who commented and left kudos, it means a lot :)
I hope you enjoy <3

Chapter Text

 

It takes Jin only a few weeks to rally his allies at Jogaku Temple and pacify Kamiagata, but it feels like years. Years in the snow, hopelessly surrounded by the Mongols, watching their people die. Taka always knew this war would cost them all dearly, but he's beginning to fear the price might be too hard for even Jin to pay.

It's the cowardice of the peasants at Sago Mill, turning on their own. The countless bodies frozen in the snow, blood pooling around their heads and on their lips, killed by Jin's poison. Norio's brother, tortured for weeks. A family, burnt alive in their house because they believed the tale spun by the Mongols about the Ghost, and refused Jin's help.

The weight of all this misery is crushing and every day Jin seems to have to strive a little harder to bear it, the line of his shoulders growing tighter and tighter. He smiles less, speaks less, sleeps less. Taka lies awake in the dark and watches Jin's face. It seems set in stone, his eyes distant.

He reaches out and Jin lets himself be touched, lets Taka kiss him and pull him close. He's gentle in return, his hands, red and cracked from the cold, barely there on Taka's body. He comes with Taka's name on his lips, their bodies intertwined, but it still feels like he's slowly but inexorably slipping further and further. The war is chipping away at him a little more each day, and Taka is helpless to do anything but watch it happen.

Kenji tries to keep everyone in good spirits but even his sake and cheer aren't enough, despair hanging tightly over all of them, as thick as the snow outside.

Then, after weeks of this relentless torture, they are suddenly rushing to Port Izumi, a storm brewing and threatening the Mongol fleet. They will strike when the storm rages on, Jin decides, blindsiding the Mongols.

There is much to do and Taka is running all day, sharpening katanas and arrows, fixing armors. Every time he catches sight of Jin talking to his allies around the camp though, he can't help but wonder if they are rushing to the finish, if this is the end now. He wonders what will be left after all this, once the dust settles.

The night before the attack, Jin writes a letter to his uncle. He's careful with the brush, tracing the kanji precisely, debating each word.

“Do you think he'll come to help you?” Taka asks from where he's watching shadows flicker on Jin's face in the firelight.

“I don't know,” Jin answers, and he sounds resigned. Taka wonders if that's true. “I have to believe he will,” Jin adds, and Taka waits until he's finished writing to lean in and kiss him. They watch the ink dry together.

Finally, it is time to ride to Port Izumi.

Taka spends time with Yuna the night before, speaking in low voices around their fire, making her promise to be careful. This war hasn't been cruel enough to take his sister from him yet, but Taka dreads it will on its final day.

In the morning he helps her onto her horse, making sure she has enough arrows and is wearing the underarmour he has fashioned to keep her safe. Only when he sees she wants for nothing, does he turn around and focus on Jin.

Jin's eyes are hard and distant as Taka steps closer to him, like he's already on the battlefield, ready to fight an entire army. “You will take care of our camp, Taka,” he says, calmly. “Our allies might need medical attention on their return.” Most won't return, Taka knows. He still nods. “Yes, my Lord.”

It occurs to Taka that they haven't spoken about this moment. Jin has explained his plan, how he means to corner the Khan and ravage his army while the storm ravages his fleet. But they haven't spoken about Jin leaving and potentially not returning. About the possibility that this will be the last time they see each other.

Taka bows, deeply, his eyes stinging as he closes them. “I will pray for your safe return,” he answers, his voice tight.

“Thank you,” Jin says quietly and he reaches out, giving Taka's arm a squeeze. The touch is unexpected and Taka looks up to meet his gaze, his heart aching at what he sees there. He hesitates, his stomach lurching, and then, in front of all of their allies assembled, he takes Jin's hand in his and brings it to his lips, pressing a swift kiss to his fingers. It's a stunning breach of etiquette, an outrageous display of affection for all to see.

“Please,” he whispers. “Please, come back.”

Jin doesn't take his hand back. He leans in, his eyes solemn, and rests his forehead against Taka's for a second. “I will.”

Then he steps back and heads for his horse, his allies following. No-one says anything about it.

***

The relief Taka feels when he sees Jin limp back to Jotaku temple, his arm around Yuna's shoulders, is so intense he feels like his chest is bursting with it. He runs through the snow to throw his arms around Yuna, gripping Jin's arm around her shoulders in the process. Jin's hand comes to rest on his back gently and they stay like this for a long time, Taka not even trying to pretend he's not crying against Yuna's shoulder as she calls him an idiot for worrying.

“Let's go inside before we freeze solid,” she tells them, her voice tight with emotion, and Taka nods. “Help me with Jin. They might call him the Ghost but he's even heavier than he looks.” That surprises a snort from Jin and Taka grins, wiping the tears from his face as he slips under Jin's arm on his other side and helps him make it to the warmth of the Temple.

Later, Taka helps Jin take off his armor and bathe, looking at the scrapes and burns on his skin. The worst of it is his knee and once Jin is dry Taka bandages it tightly, making sure there is no pressure on the joint.

“I killed him myself,” Jin states after a long silence. Taka looks over to his face, but Jin's eyes are closed.

“I followed him to his ship, it was burning down.” Taka pulls a blanket over Jin's tired legs to keep him warm, resting his hand on his thigh. “I killed his soldiers. Then I stabbed him in the chest, and cut his head off.” Jin says that matter-of-factly, as if it had cost him nothing to do so, as if he believes he has become so accustomed to violence it does not touch him anymore.

It is a lie, but Taka does not challenge it. He will not cry over Khotun Khan's death.

“It didn't feel good to kill him. I thought it would, but it didn't. It didn't feel like anything.” Jin's eyes open and he turns his head, looking at Taka.

“Jin,” Taka tempers, softly. Before he can continue, Jin speaks again.

“As he died, I told him,” he says, and pauses to consider. “I told him he would be forgotten. That he would have no legacy.” He meets Taka's gaze. “That his name would only be mentioned in passing, if at all, in the long and prosperous history of Japan.” Taka wonders if Jin is thinking about his own name, struck from the records of the samurai of Tsushima.

“That,” Jin adds, his eyebrows furrowed, “felt good.”

“He will not get the glory he wanted,” Taka agrees, his voice quiet but tight with anger. “Only death.” He strokes his hand up Jin's chest, encouraging him to lie down and rest. “You did us all a great kindness, freeing us from the Khan. You faced death for the people of Tsushima, and did what no-one else could. We are grateful. We will not forget.”

Jin watches him with dark eyes, heavy-lidded with exhaustion.

“Sleep,” Taka tells him, softly, and Jin does.

***

The day Jin comes back from dueling his uncle is the only time Taka ever sees him cry.

He returns without his Sakai armour, wearing a dark patterned Ronin attire instead, a set Taka has never seen him wear before. His face is so stony and grim as he unsheathes his katana that Taka rushes to his side, worried he might do something horrifying with it. But Jin only sets it in front of the fire, along with his tanto.

His hands are shaking, Taka notices. He's never seen Jin's hands shake like this, not when he had to take uncomfortable decisions, not when he battled and killed an entire Mongol camp on his own. Taka wants to ask but he does not, pouring Jin a cup of hot tea and letting him decide what he wants to say.

“He asked me to kill him,” is what Jin forces out, at length. Taka does not need to ask who he's talking about. “For honor. Because I have destroyed my clan, and his, and if he cannot bring my head to the Shogun, he has nothing.” Jin's fingers are so white on the tea cup Taka fears he might shatter it. “It was a fair request.”

“He's your uncle,” Taka placates, his voice soft. “You love him.” He's not sure Jin hears him.

“I couldn't,” Jin says, abruptly, and he turns to face Taka, tears in his eyes. “It is the only thing he's asked of me since I betrayed him, and I couldn't give it to him.” The tears roll down silently, across Jin's scar and his red cheeks, dripping from his jaw. “I couldn't.”

“Jin,” Taka sighs, and pulls him into his arms, letting Jin hide his wet face in his shoulder. He cries for a long time, silent sobs making him twitch and sigh. Taka says nothing, touching his hair until the sadness within Jin becomes bearable again, tension releasing in his body.

***

It takes Jin and his allies a few more days to get rid of the remaining Mongols and finish pacifying Kamiagata. The weather is still wretchedly cold and dreary but the atmosphere at Jokagu temple -and everywhere else they go- is completely different. There is hope now, on all the faces pale from the cold. Pride in their allies's eyes, whenever they look at Jin.

Soon they ride back to Toyotama, stopping often on the way to get rid of any remaining pockets of Mongol activity. At night, Taka sleeps in Jin's tent. As they near Yarikawa, they have dinner and a serious discussion about the future.

“I'll stay in Yarikawa,” Taka says, carefully. “They need a blacksmith, they've offered me the job.”

Jin tilts his head in silent agreement, his gaze intent.

“It's not too far from wherever that house of yours is,” Taka adds, his tone soft though the comment is pointed. He's guessing, because Jin hasn't told him where Tradition's End is. It's better he doesn't know, in case anyone tries to find out. “You can come and visit me, slip into the forge at night.”

Jin is silent for a few long seconds. “You'll have to publicly renounce me, if they ask,” he states. It's a segue of sorts, but Taka has been expecting something like this for a while now, and he's not surprised. “You can tell them you didn't know I was challenging the Shogun. That you thought I was fighting for the good of the people, but realized I was just as bad as the Mongols.” Jin arches his eyebrows. “That I threatened you when you refused to care for my armor.”

“I won't say that,” Taka refuses, alarmed. It looks like Jin is going to protest, so he continues. “I won't have to. I can tell them what everyone else in Yarikawa will tell them, when asked. That you freed the city and we followed you into battle, thinking you had the Shogun's best interests in mind. That we realized too late you did not, and came home then.”

He reaches out and takes Jin's hand. “The Shogun won't get anything about you from the people of Yarikawa. He knows it, and the samurai at your estate know it too.”

“Good,” Jin states, firmly. “Do not get into trouble defending me. There is nothing left to defend.”

Taka disagrees with that and he has to bite his lip to silence himself, tilting his face down for a few seconds before he meets Jin's eyes again. “You and I know what happened, Jin. The people know what happened. The politics don't matter.”

Jin's answering smile is wan, but it is real.

***

Taka settles in Yarikawa.

It's bittersweet, coming back to his hometown. There are still a lot of memories lurking in the narrow streets, ready to jump out at him when he least expects them to, and not all of them are pleasant. It's nice, too, to find old friends and distant relatives again, and share stories of the past.

Yuna doesn't settle with him, as she finds she prefers a nomadic lifestyle, riding through the island, looking for people in need and fighting by Jin's side if he needs her. She visits often, still, and Taka has a room for her at the forge. They spend many evenings by the fire, eating grilled fish and drinking Kenji's sake.

The samurai that took residence at Jin's estate in Omi only come to Yarikawa once. They ask pointed questions to their lord and to the villagers, and find out very little about where the Ghost could be hiding. When they step into Taka's forge, he politely asks them if they need their katanas sharpened or their armors checked. The wave a death warrant signed by the Shogun in front of his face, bearing Jin's name.

Taka tells them the truth, which is that he does not know where the Ghost is hiding. He does not say that he wouldn't tell them, if he knew.

They don't come back.

***

Jin visits him often. He comes at night, swinging onto the roof of the forge from a nearby pagoda, landing silently and slipping inside through the roof hatch Taka leaves unlocked.

Taka likes to pretend that he's getting better at hearing Jin come, at listening for the swish of his metal hook, for the light steps onto the mossy rooftop, for the creak of the hatch. It's a lie, mostly, but Jin lets him get away with it.

They have dinner and sleep in each other's arms in Taka's warm room above the forge. He watches Jin's face in the moonlight, the line of his jaw, the scar on his cheek, the darkness of his eyes. Jin looks softer now than he did during the war, less harried. He looks sadder too, like a man who has seen too much of the ugliness of this world.

But the sadness goes away, if only for a moment, when Taka kisses him.

On a warm sunny day, they go to an onsen together. It's a secluded one, high up on the mountain, surrounded by pampa grass and golden trees. Taka relaxes against the rocky edge of the pool, his ankle against Jin's. “This is how it started,” he points out, gesturing at the water. “Between us.” At an onsen, what feels like such a long time ago.

Jin tilts his head to the side in agreement, his eyes knowing. “You were staring at me,” he says, grinning a little. “I got out of the pool to see what you would do, and you went entirely red in the face.”

“I was trying not to look,” Taka protests, though he's laughing too. “And you were...” he gestures at Jin's naked body. This.

“You looked,” Jin teases, smugly.

“I looked,” Taka agrees with a sigh, moving closer so he can put his arms around Jin's shoulders. “You said nothing, and then showed up at the forge in the middle of the night.”

Jin's hands land on his hips, pulling him closer still. “I'm glad I did.”

Taka smiles. “I'm glad you did, too.”

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