Actions

Work Header

Out of Reach

Summary:

Bellamy and Clarke find themselves stuck in a cave on Etherea

 

 

just a warning: this is a sad fic

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

The flames from the small fire Bellamy had made cast small shadows across the cave floor, and Clarke found herself drawn to them. She watched the small light flicker against the rocky surface, wondering if this would be the last form of entertainment she would ever get to experience. In that moment, she found herself missing Murphy’s ability to coat everything with snarky humor.

Her body felt frozen, even though it was covered in clothes. Her teeth continued to chatter as she tore her eyes away from the intoxicating light and glanced outside of the cave. Snow fell against the entrance, wind sweeping enough inside to cover the floor a few feet from where she sat huddled as close to herself as she could get.

Bellamy shuffled across the cave, drawing her focus to him as he sat down on the opposite side of the flames. His eyes shifted between hers and the cave entrance before he released a shallow sigh.

It had been a couple days since the weather forced them to take shelter in the random cave, and they were both already growing restless. Rations were running low, both of their energies were draining, and the cave was starting to take shape as something darker within Clarke’s mind the longer the snow made no sign of stopping.

“If I had to choose someone to get stranded in a snowstorm with, I’m glad it’s you,” Bellamy said, letting out a weak laugh. “So I guess there’s that.”

She smiled lightly. “Snow,” Clarke said absentmindedly, drawing her attention back towards the blur of white powder falling from the sky as if its presence wasn’t overtaking most of her mind. “Didn’t think I’d hate it this much.” She released a small laugh along with him, wondering if she would ever be able to let go of the hostility she felt towards it in order to see the snow’s beauty.

She wondered if that was how people saw her. Too threatening to be beautiful. Too damaged to be worthy of anything but pain.

Her eyes found Bellamy’s soft expression, and she gripped onto the realization that maybe that wasn’t true. Not with everyone.

“Can’t say I like it too much either,” Bellamy agreed. He picked up a thin twig, pulling and pushing it carelessly over the loose dust on the cave floor.

Clarke stared at Bellamy with curious eyes, watching his movements. She let her mind wander back to the past, and a question presented itself as if it had been waiting for her. “What was it like on the ring? I don’t think I’ve ever asked you.”

A soft smile spread across Bellamy’s lips. It was a sort of dazed smile, and she knew he was remembering moments he didn’t want to forget.

He stayed like that for a moment, lost in the world she would never know. “Peaceful,” he said softly, bringing his eyes back up to meet hers. “Being up there, it felt as if we were out of reach of everything. Like nothing could touch us. It felt safe.”

Her heart squeezed against his words, remembering being alone on the ground. Always feeling as if another, more serious problem was awaiting her just around the corner. She couldn’t remember feeling safe or happy, until she found Madi. Her heart shattered more as a smiling image of the child she loved as her own entered her mind, knowing she might never see her again. She wished she could somehow remind her everyday how special she was.

Clarke fought back the feeling of regret that washed over her. All she could hope now was that Madi somehow knew, without having to be told, how much she kept Clarke fighting. How big of a role she played in keeping her sane.

Bellamy seemed to sense the darkness starting to flood her mind in that moment. He cleared his throat, bringing himself out of the trance he seemed to be in.

She hated that her feelings were what drew him away from his closed sense of happiness. She wanted him to always exist in whatever moment he felt most at peace, even if she wasn’t a part of it.

“Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t perfect,” he said. “It could feel like its own kind of torture, in a way.”

Clarke watched a wave of sadness bury itself in his eyes, and she knew he was thinking about more moments she didn’t belong in. Moments filled with loss that were uniquely his own.

She let the conversation fade in that moment, not wanting to drag him or herself into a black hole of dark memories they could never escape.

The next few weeks were filled with conversations Clarke didn’t think they would ever get to have.

They would sit next to each other against the cave wall and talk until the light outside disappeared. Clarke hung onto every word Bellamy said, each untold story burying itself into the energy she needed to keep fighting. She told him about the ghosts she saw in her own mind space, and he told her about losing his mom, the heartbreak he would never recover from. She talked about Lexa and he talked about Gina, both of them taking strength from the love lighting each other’s experiences.

They laughed at nothing and everything, hoping that feigning happiness would somehow spread as much warmth through their bodies as true joy did.

It didn’t work that well, but there were small moments when Clarke would forget the hunger and the coldness running over her entire existence.

Moments where she would stare at Bellamy, one of his rare smiles hanging loosely off of his features, and the reality surrounding her would disappear. She’d remember all of the other times she had the privilege of seeing the worry completely disappear off of Bellamy’s face and, for a fleeting moment, she wouldn’t feel any of it. Only true joy. And that warmth would cascade over her softly, melting the ice that she felt was running through her veins.

The temperature seemed to freeze everything, even time. Clarke lost track of the amount of days she spent staring outside, wishing for the snow to stop. Bellamy would usually sit with her, distracting her with the future he used to see for himself.

“A cabin in the woods,” he said to her on one of the days her spirit was low. “A small part of myself will always remember the forests on Earth for being filled with haunted memories. Death. But I’ve always thought they were beautiful.”

“Earth,” she said, nodding along in agreement to his words. A ghost of a smile flashed across her lips so quickly he probably missed it. “That’s the dream.” She remembered a time when she used to spend hours daydreaming about the ground, not knowing all it took was a single breath to turn a dream into a nightmare.

Darkness had begun to flood into the cave, all traces of light disappearing from the sky. They moved to lay next to each other by the fire, wrapping themselves into the other’s heat.

Hours passed without sleep.

Clarke laid awake imagining the sun. She would feel the fire’s heat on her face, close her eyes, and pretend it was real.

Bellamy laid with his arms around her, his face buried in the back of her neck. The hair that had started to grow across his features tickled her skin, and she nuzzled farther into him because of it.

When she believed he was sleeping, she released a shaky breath, allowing the tears of the promises she would never get to keep flow down her cheeks.

“We’re going to die in here,” she whispered into the air. It was met with silence, as she expected.

A quiet sob escaped her lips when Bellamy pulled her closer. He didn’t say anything, and she didn’t need to question why. It was easier to ignore the truth hovering over your every thought instead of letting it all the way in.

When they both finally slept, another night slipped through their fingers. And then another, until eventually most of their conversations stopped. They were weak, and talking took too much of the energy they couldn’t afford to part with. They would sit in each other’s presence silently, and that was enough.

Days. Weeks. Months passed. All blurring together into one inescapable, never ending moment until one day when Clarke was feeling immensely tired.

The weather was still blocking their way home, and they were both huddled together next to a dying fire. The flames were slowly flickering out, but neither of them felt like moving from the spots where they laid holding onto one another for warmth.

It had been days since the last time Clarke felt hungry, and weeks since the last time she had found anything to eat. The cave was empty of anything living except for them, and even they could barely be classified as that. Melting the snow allowed water not to be an issue, but that didn’t matter anymore. They had reached the point where they had both accepted that.

Their bodies were facing each other. They were close enough to be breathing each other’s air, their eyes locked onto one another’s.

Clarke was trying to ignore the darkness starting to cut across her vision, and she had her hand lightly touching Bellamy’s face when his quiet voice interrupted her moving fingers.

“You always reached me,” he said.

His words didn’t make sense to her, and she didn’t know if the fog overtaking her mind was to blame for it. “What?”

His voice came out as a whispered mumble, the low temperature making it take too much effort to form clear words. “On the ring,” Bellamy said, “Believing you were dead. Feeling as if a part of myself stayed on Earth when I left. That was the torture.”

Clarke’s mind traveled back to the first weeks in the cave, and the sadness that possessed his eyes from remembering the things he lost. She wanted to tell him how a piece of herself went with him that day too. How a piece of herself would always belong to him. But she didn’t think she had the strength.

So instead she voiced a different truth. A truth that was just as important in that moment. “I’m here.”

A calm, content smile found a home on Bellamy’s bluing lips as her freezing fingers roamed across the freckles trailing over his face, and Clarke felt her own mirroring smile forming as if their lips were connected. As if her happiness in that moment relied solely on Bellamy’s. And for the first time in a long time, she felt worthy of that happiness.

He looked peaceful, and as Clarke laid next to him, trying to memorize every unique sign of life that made up the face she had grown so familiar with, she thought he’d never looked more beautiful.

“Clarke,” Bellamy spoke gently, “I—”

“Shh,” she whispered. His eyes told her everything she needed to know. They shone more love towards her than any she had ever seen, filling up every crack inside of her mind that made her feel broken.

She knew what he was going to say, and she knew he didn’t have to hear it said back to him to know she felt the same.

A part of Clarke did want to say the words out loud, just once, so she could die knowing she did. But another, bigger part of herself was grateful for not having to. Grateful for the unspoken truth that hung in the air around them, covering them both with the weight of what it truly meant. She imagined saying it out loud wouldn’t feel right in that moment. As if saying it would feel more like a goodbye instead of a long awaited acknowledgement. An empty promise of the forever they could have had.

So they didn’t say anything. They kept their eyes on each other, even as Clarke became increasingly aware of her last bit of strength leaking out of her still body.

Their last dying breaths slipped out simultaneously. One last parting gift to one another. They died in each other’s arms, their bodies intertwined together just as their souls had always been.

Notes:

Who loves interrupted confessions? Bellamy and Clarke sure do. This turned out way shorter than I had planned because I kept taking stuff out that I didn't think fit well, but I hope you all like this one. I’m personally sobbing.

thanks for reading! xx