Work Text:
May 1st 8:00 am
0008 added 0001, you, 0003, Bev <3, 0005, 0006, and 0007 to a group
0008: Hello. This is Mr. Maturin, the camp director from Camp Barrens. Is this Edward Kaspbrak, Benjamin Hanscom, William Denbrough, Beverly Marsh, Stanley Uris, Michael Hanlon, and Richard Tozier?
Ben: Hi, yes! You can call me Ben.
Bev <3: Just Bev is alright with me!
0006: I’m here, and you can call me Mike.
0001: Well since everyone is saying what they prefer to be called, please call me Eddie.
0003: Bill is fine with me.
0005: You have the correct number. This is Stanley Uris.
Mr. Maturin: Hello everyone! Is Richard Tozier here? Did I get his number right?
May 1st 12:05 pm
0007: lmao yeah hi you can call me Richie
Mr. Maturin: Excellent! Well, good afternoon everyone! As you all know, you will all be counselors at Camp Barrens in one month! Since you all will be working so closely together for an entire summer, I wanted to create this group messaging system so everyone can become well acquainted with one another. I am going to go, but please keep this group! Don’t forget to show up on June 1st to get settled in! Goodbye!
Mr. Maturin has left the group
Eddie: Wtf do you not know how to fucking text professionally?
Richie: LMAO the fuckin change
Richie: where was that earlier lol
Eddie: Unlike some people I know what’s appropriate to say to my boss
Stanley: I agree, that was highly inappropriate and very unprofessional.
Richie: wtf kinda name is Stanley
Mike: I think it’s a nice name
Stanley: Thank you, Mike. What kind of name is Richie?
Richie: actually i lied
Richie: u can call me
Richie: ….
Richie: dick
Richie: lol
Eddie: Huh, that’s weird
Richie: what
Eddie: He must’ve gotten your number wrong. This is supposed to be for counselors, but you must be a camper, since you’re fucking twelve goddamn years old
Bill: Holy shit
Bev <3: A murder lmao
Richie: eds gets off a good one! ;)
Eddie: Wtf is eds
Richie: u <3
Eddie: Don’t call me that
Ben: Hey! Do any of you know each other? Because I know Bev
Richie: i wanna get to know eddie baby
Eddie: Jesus Christ
Mike: Bill and I are friends, we signed up for this together
Bev <3: Just like me and Ben! <3
Ben: <3
Richie: yall fuckin?
Stanley: Richie, every time you text, I feel like burning my eyes. Every typo and grammar mistake takes a year off of my lifespan, and I would like nothing more than for you to learn how to type properly.
Richie: why did i have to get murdered twice in one day
Eddie: It’s what he deserves :)
Ben: Oh!! Before I forget, what are everyone’s pronouns??
Bill: Holy shit???
Mike: Ben that’s so considerate!
Mike: Mine are he/him
Bill: Mine too :)
Eddie: He/him
Richie: he/him my pals
Stanley: I go by he/him as well.
Bev <3: Ben knows mine, but for the rest of yall they’re she/her. Ben’s are he/him because I know he’ll forget to say
Bev <3: And are any of you homophobic/transphobic/racist/sexist/generally bigoted?
Bev <3: Because if so
Bev <3: We’re gonna have a problem
Bev <3: :)
Richie: lmao no i am a gay (trademark)
Mike: I’m a black gay man, no
Bev <3: lol good I’m bi as Fuck
Bill: bitch me too tf
Richie: eds wbu
Richie: just out of curiousity nothing else haha
Eddie: Wow, you can’t spell
Eddie: You literally have autocorrect
Eddie: I’m not any of those things, and I’m gay, much to my mom’s dismay
Bev <3: shit she’s a bigot??
Eddie: Yeah. We lived in a really small town so it wasn’t a shock or anything. But I left at 18 after I came out to her
Richie: damn she didn’t tell me that before i fucked her last night
Eddie: Okay well fuck you too then
Richie: noo eds baby im sorry ;(
Ben: That could’ve been such a sweet moment
Bev <3: Jesus Richie
Eddie: I also haven’t seen or spoken to her in four years because we’ve disowned each other
Richie: shit fuck
Eddie: Yeah
Ben: Every time I look at my phone it gets worse
Richie: shit eddie fuck im so sorry
Richie: u can punch me in the face when u see me if u want
Eddie: I will Hold You to that
Mike: If you capitalize the first letters of hold you, but not the others, does that mean you just want to hold him?
Eddie: W H AT
Richie: LMAO EDS WANTS TO HOLD ME
Bill: Haha poor Eddie
Eddie: It absolutely Does Not mean that
Richie: dont worry eds i will Hold You
Richie: ill scoop you up in my arms and cradle you gently
Eddie: I will Strangle you
Bill: Is this how they’re always going to act? Because tbh I might Leave
Stanley: I might block them.
Eddie: Why would you block both of us??? He’s the obnoxious one!!
Richie: lmao its cute u think that im the only obnoxious one between the two of us
Richie: but rilly
Richie: everything about u is cute ;)
Bev <3: God I can’t wait for camp to see the WWE smackdown that is Eddie meeting Richie
Eddie: I can’t wait either >:(
Richie: aww hun i can’t wait to see u too
Eddie: Perish.
May 3rd 1:28 pm
Trashmouth: hey guys?
Benjamin Button: Yes?
Trashmouth: have u all ever been to this camp
Benjamin Button: Oh yeah!! Me and Bev always went together when we were kids, so we’re super excited to start the job!
Benjamin Button: What do you want your contact names in my phone to be?
Hell Girl: I’ve been doing Morse code for years for this job lol
Billiam: What do you mean by that
Micycle: Bill did you listen at the interview or read the packet at all??
Billiam: I skimmed through it. I thought it’d be enough
Staniella: It’s important to learn the basics of Morse code for the job.
Trashmouth: lmao what really
Future Hubby <3: Richie how did you even get this job
Trashmouth: seduction baby
Trashmouth: they dont call me Trashmouth for nothing lol
Future Hubby <3: Who is “they”
Trashmouth: my friends
Future Hubby <3: You have friends?
Trashmouth: ….
Trashmouth: no
Future Hubby <3: Oh
Hell Girl: is this group chat just going to be you two accidentally insulting each other in various ways?
Future Hubby <3: No. Richie, I’m really sorry
Trashmouth: yeah its fine i dont have friends
Trashmouth: only lovers ;)
Future Hubby <3: Never fucking mind then
Billiam: please settle down ndkjfsd
Benjamin Button: I think I’ll make your contact name Kermit :)
Trashmouth: like the turtle?
Future Hubby <3: …...
Hell Girl: ……
Staniella: ……
Billiam: ……
Micycle: …….
Benjamin Button: ……
Trashmouth: what did i say
Future Hubby <3: It’s… a frog
Trashmouth: what
Benjamin Button: Bill’s contact name might be Kermit… like Kermit the frog
Trashmouth: it’s not a turtle?
Micycle: How old are you?
Trashmouth: turned 22 just a few months ago lol
Billiam: you spent all 22 years of your life believing that the Most Famous Frog in history was a turtle???
Trashmouth: no lol pepe is the most famous frog
Staniella: I can’t believe you’re fucking two years older than me.
Trashmouth: lmao
Trashmouth: Staniella, your so young
Trashmouth: respect ur elders
Staniella: 1.) My name is Stanley 2.) *you’re 3.) Fuck you.
Micycle: You’re only twenty?? A baby!!!
Staniella: I’m not a baby.
Benjamin Button: How old is everybody else??
Benjamin Button: Bev and I are 21
Hell Girl: yeah but my birthday is in June so I’m gonna be 22 bitches!!
Micycle: I’m 21 too!
Staniella: You’re only a year older than me, you can’t call me a baby.
Trashmouth: wait lmao i’m the oldest?
Future Hubby <3: I’m 22 and my birthday is before yours, I’m the oldest
Hell Girl: lol wait really??
Hell Girl: why does that seem off
Future Hubby <3: November 6th bitches
Trashmouth: lmao im in love with an older man
Trashmouth: that means he’ll die before me and I’ll inherent everything
Future Hubby <3: Stfu asshole
Staniella: Do you mean inherit?
Trashmouth: whatever idc
Micycle: Wow, I can’t believe the most mature one is the youngest
Micycle: Stan, what do you want your contact name to be? And don’t say stanley
Staniella: I’d prefer to just be Stanley, or even Stan, but I have some others I’d be okay with.
Trashmouth: Whatever they are, I have better ideas
Staniella: No.
Trashmouth: I think that Staniella is great
Trashmouth: There’s just a certain charm about it, you know?
Future Hubby <3: You’re using proper grammar and spelling
Trashmouth: lmao you noticed that?
Hell Girl: haha Eddie’s paying attention to Richie
Benjamin Button: Aww, it’s sweet that he saw that
Future Hubby <3: Shut up no it isn’t
Trashmouth: haha Eds loves me
Future Hubby <3: It was just an observation you dick
Future Hubby <3: And that’s not my fucking name
Trashmouth: I’ll find a nickname you love bb
Micycle: Stanley, you were saying??
Staniella: Thank you, Mike. I like birdwatching, so maybe Sparrow or Lark.
Micycle: u watch birds??
Staniella: Yes. I’m a birdwatcher.
Benjamin Button: What’s your favorite type of bird?
Staniella: I don’t have one. I can never choose. Each bird is unique in their own way.
Hell Girl: aww, Stanley, that’s so sweet
Trashmouth: r u sure you’re not 99?
Staniella: Fuck you, Richard.
Trashmouth: sorry I can’t, eds might get jealous
Future Hubby <3: Die
Billiam: Which one do you think you look like the most? Or like the most?
Staniella: Hmm, I’m not sure.
Trashmouth: let’s send each other pictures so we know what we look like!!
Trashmouth: Better yet!! Let’s all meet up!!!! Let yall see my sexy face
Benjamin Button: Where do you all live?
Trashmouth: in eddie’s heart and he lives in mine <3
Future Hubby <3: Stfu
Micycle: Bill and I live in a small town called Derry. We all live in Maine, right?
Trashmouth: eds (<3) and I live about four hours away from there in Cedar Edge! Stan the Man does too lmao
Billiam: I thought you all didn’t know each other??
Future Hubby <3: Richie’s technically my b…. ugh…. Be... bes… I can’t say it, it makes me sick
Trashmouth: we’re best friends lol
Trashmouth: and possibly more soon ;)
Hell Girl: lmao that’s gay
Benjamin Button: Are you and Eddie actually dating?
Trashmouth: god I actually wish
Future Hubby <3: You know, you’re such a fucking asshole
Trashmouth: (eddieflippingoffthecamerawhilescowling.jpg)
Trashmouth: the love of my life, everyone
Benjamin Button: That’s sweet! :) and Eddie’s really cute!!
Future Hubby <3: YOU ASS WHY DID YOU SEND THAT
Hell Girl: omg Eddie you’re so cute!!
Micycle: You’re like an adorable ball of anger
Billiam: Yeah you look super cute!!
Trashmouth: woah are we all gonna have to duel over my sweet eds?
Future Hubby <3: Rich, are you in your room?
Trashmouth: ya
Future Hubby <3: Good.
Trashmouth: are you almost home?? did u get the blueberries from the grocery??
Trashmouth: oh shit
Hell Girl: ???
Micycle: richie?
Billiam: I guess Eddie’s killed Richie
Micycle: I’m not surprised tbh
Trashmouth: UPDATE: I’ve been smacked
Benjamin Button: Oh no!! D:
Hell Girl: rip lol did Eddie at least get the blueberries??
Future Hubby <3: I did.
Billiam: So you all live together?
Staniella: They do. We live in an apartment complex, and they share the apartment next to mine. Eddie’s really nice. Richie’s there too.
Trashmouth: wow thanks STANKley
Staniella: That’s so immature.
Hell Girl: aww that’s cute!! yall are neighbors and friends!!
Staniella: I tolerate Richie at best.
Future Hubby <3: You’re allowed to smack him if you want. I do
Trashmouth: just so u know I would never smack u eds I <3 u 2 much
Future Hubby <3: I will Murder you
Trashmouth: u say that but you’re also in the kitchen getting me a snack
Future Hubby <3: I’m not getting you a snack dickweed, I’m putting away groceries which you aren’t going to help with because you suck
Micycle: help Eddie put away the groceries!!
Trashmouth: i will soon i swear
Billiam: What’s it like being forced to live with richie lmao
Trashmouth: he loves it and me
Future Hubby <3: I made the mistake of talking to him one (1) time because I wanted to borrow a red crayon and I have been suffering every day since
Trashmouth: bitch u were the one who made the initial plan to live together
Trashmouth: when we were 15 no less
Trashmouth: “hey rich you know how I have a job? Well u should get one too and save ur money so when we turn 18 we can move away and get an apartment and a cat together”
Future Hubby <3: That is not how it went and I wasn’t the one who got drunk last month, was kicked out of the bar, and brought home a cat
Trashmouth: wait
Future Hubby <3: Oh, fuck wait
Trashmouth: it’s been a month
Hell Girl: happy anniversary lol
Trashmouth: EDDIE SPAGHETTI MAKES A RETURN
Billiam: W HA T
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I will throw all of your stuff out, Richard
Trashmouth: when I brought home shrek the cat, rescuing her from the dumpster she lived in, eddie spaghetti said we could keep her on one condition
Trashmouth: I not call him eddie spaghetti for a month
Trashmouth: and now that month is over ;)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: WHERE THE FUCK DID SHE LIVE
Billiam: A,,,,, dumpster,,,,,?
Benjamin Button: Shrek,,,,, the cat…?
Micycle: Eddie,,,,, Spaghetti,,,,,?
Staniella: You know I’m pretty used to you all, but honestly, how have you lived with him for four years?
Trashmouth: the noise I just heard from eds spagheds from the kitchen is so fucking funny holy shit
Trashmouth: UPDATE: hes yelling at me
Trashmouth: hes so cute hahajdfjis
Benjamin Button: Richie?
Hell Girl: I think Eddie actually killed him this time
Billiam: Press f to pay respects lol
Billiam: I’ll start
Billiam: f
Micycle: f
Hell Girl: F
Benjamin Button: F
Staniella: No thank you, I’m fine.
Trashmouth: thank you everyone except for staniel
Trashmouth: eddie spaghetti got angry at me for texting while he was trying to lecture me about how “getting things from dumpsters is gross” and “it’s filled with germs” and “richie u asshole stop texting and laughing while im yelling at you”
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m going to fucking murder you
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m going to murder you and go to jail for 30 years and it will have been well fucking worth it
Trashmouth: don’t go to jail ur too sexy haha
Trashmouth: what if u meet a hot guy who did a minor crime and yall fall in love
Trashmouth: we have a cat eds
Trashmouth: that means commitment
Micycle: uhh are yall sure you aren’t dating lmao
Trashmouth: I will take this moment to say
Trashmouth: we r 10000% dating
Trashmouth: we’re so in love
Trashmouth: this is all true and im not just saying it because eddie is busy giving shrek (the cat) a bath after hearing that shes from a dumpster
Trashmouth: even though it’s been a MONTH and he already gave her a bath as soon as I fucking stepped into the house holding her
Trashmouth: and hes never given me a bath when I come home
Trashmouth: but whatever
Hell Girl: so salty but also?
Hell Girl: you don’t really need to specify that you’re talking about Shrek the cat
Trashmouth: eddie could’ve been giving shrek (the ogre) a bath you don’t know
Staniella: I’m really regretting applying for this job.
Billiam: tbh I can’t blame you this is a mess
Micycle: we signed a contract so like we’re stuck for the summer bill
Billiam: god I know
Trashmouth changed the group name to “Hell on Screen ;)”
May 7th 1:34 am
Trashmouth: u ever notice that old people look like turtles
Trashmouth: Hey guys I’m sorry. Richie’s drunk, but don’t worry. I’m taking his phone
Trashmouth: Also, this is Eddie
May 7th 8:35 am
Hell Girl: as weird (and drunk) as he is,,,, he has a point?
Benjamin Button: Yeah, my gran and grampa both kinda have turtle vibes to them
Billiam: maybe it’s because they’re old? And slow? And wrinkly? Like turtles?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I hate living with Richie
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I have to deal with this shit constantly
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Don’t encourage him
Micycle: where did that even come from?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He got drunk last night and wanted to go to the ocean so instead I showed him pictures and there were turtles and he’s been talking about how old people look like turtles for fucking years ever since we were 16 and he realized he hadn’t shared this insightful information with you all yet
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Then he went on about how, and I quote “We’ll live together for the rest of our lives and I’ll always love you Eds even when we’re old and look like turtles. We’ll be like this for forever” because he says this Every Time he drinks
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He gets so sappy when he’s drunk
Hell Girl: Oh?? My god???
Trashmouth: haha I did Not say those things
Trashmouth: why is everyone up so early hmmm
Trashmouth: any plans lol
Benjamin Button: Richie, that was really sweet!! :)
Benjamin Button: It’s really cute how much you care about Eddie!!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Lmao he’s blushing now
Micycle: Pics or it didn’t happen
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (richiemakingcoffeewhileblushing.jpg)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He’s ignoring the messages so he doesn’t know I sent the picture lol
Hell Girl: shit Richie’s actually handsome???
Micycle: He really is what the hell??
Benjamin Button: Aww he’s cute when he blushes!!
Billiam: he’s good looking at everything but how fucking tall is he???
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: This bitch is Too Tall
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: It makes me mad
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He needs to fucking shrink
Trashmouth: henlo frens
Trashmouth: I am 6 feet and 2 inches of pure Sexy
Trashmouth: Eddie Spaghetti is 5’4 lol
Hell Girl: holy shit he’s tiny
Trashmouth: I know lmao
Trashmouth: and he’s so vicious haha
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Stfu bitch stop calling me Eddie Spaghetti. You’re acting like a child
Trashmouth: eddie spaghetti’s like a badger or Pomeranian
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m fucking warning you
Trashmouth: he’s so cute
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Richie I will murder you I stg
Trashmouth: Cute! Cute! Cute!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: When we were little Richie wanted to be a ventriloquist
Trashmouth: EDDIE
Billiam: NJDSFHAK
Hell Girl: HOLY SHIT
Micycle: Did you have a puppet???
Trashmouth: hahahaha no
Trashmouth: Eddie just did a lot of cocaine he doesn’t know what he’s talking about
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He did. He made it himself and it was supposed to look like him
Trashmouth: Edward Franklin Spaghedward you shut up before I hold you lovingly in my arms and smack you on the mouth
Trashmouth: gently
Trashmouth: with my mouth
Trashmouth: *smooch*
Staniella: Are all of your threats weirdly intimate? Or just the ones directed at Eddie?
Trashmouth: lol Stan the Man was the last one awake
Staniella: I’ve been up since six. I’ve just been working on essays.
Trashmouth: ew fucking gross
Hell Girl: ew fucking gross x2
Benjamin Button: For college? What’s your major?
Staniella: Finance. I’ve always really liked math and there can be a lot of money in that line of work
Trashmouth: he’s such a NERD
Staniella: Shut up. I’m hoping to open my own accounting firm by the time I’m 45.
Billiam: what’s it like having your life together??
Staniella: It’s nice.
Trashmouth: how to seduce your roommate
Trashmouth: oh wait this isn’t google
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: NDJSAGFJS RICHIE
“Ben <3”
May 7th 9:02 am
Bev: ok Ben hun do you think they’re Gay or what
Ben <3: Tbh I don’t know?? Like apparently, they are both gay but like? When you and Kay were living together freshman year you all didn’t like each other in that way and you both like girls? They could just be the type of friends that do that?
Bev: do you think it’d be weird to message one of them and ask lol
Ben <3: I mean yeah but also I really don’t think Richie would care. I feel as though Eddie 100% would
Bev: I’m gonna message Richie lmao
Bev: do u wanna come over to read the messages?
Ben <3: Screenshots or just paraphrasing please. Mom and I are shopping right now
Bev: Aww cute okay
Bev: I’ll keep you updated
“Tall Gay”
May 7th 9:12 pm
Bev: lmao hi this is weird because we’re Strangers but like?? are you and eddie like Actually Together or are you all just Like That
Tall Gay: what are you talking about?? I don’t know an “eddie”?? I only know eds and spaghetti
Tall Gay: what about u and benjamin button lol
Bev: I think we both like each other but we haven’t said anything haha
Tall Gay: fucking big oof right there
Tall Gay: can’t relate I’m in a Very Committed relationship with Ed’s mom
Tall Gay: but really though
Tall Gay: if u wanna talk about it I’m here
Bev: aww that’s really nice, thanks
Tall Gay: not to brag but I’m good at dealing with feelings in that type of situation
Tall Gay: not like with eds or anything
Tall Gay: we’re just bros
Tall Gay: who live together
Bev: and raise a cat together
Tall Gay: and are kinda married tbh
Tall Gay: but,,,,, like,,,,,, platonically
Tall Gay: I think
Bev: well I’m also here if you need to talk about anything!! just lemme know
Tall Gay: maybe Eventually
Tall Gay: thnx though
Bev: no problem :)
“Ben <3”
May 7th 9:21 am
Bev: okay I’m like 95% sure that they aren’t together but Richie likes Eddie
Ben <3: Do we think that Eddie likes him back though??
Bev: Idk yet tbh
Bev: I guess we’ll see eventually after talking with everyone more
Ben <3: Not that I’m judging you or anything like that, but is there any particular reason why you seem pretty invested in their relationship?
Ben <3: Just cause like,,,,, we’re gonna be working with them,,,,, but they Are strangers right now
Bev: I can’t explain it I just have a feeling like we’re supposed to know them
Bev: like All of them
Bev: idk I just feel like everyone in the camp gc will be in our lives forever ya know?
Bev: like what Richie said
Bev: I just have a really good feeling about all of them :)
Bev: pls come over when you can I wanna cuddle
Ben <3: I’ll be there in an hour <3
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 9th 11:28 am
Billiam: hey guys uhh how do you get rid of black mold?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: When did you find it? How much is there?
Billiam: um tbh I dunno? I saw something weird a while ago but I didn’t think anything of it but there’s more and Mike said it was black mold
Billiam: (blackmoldonwall.jpg)
Billiam: here’s a pic
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Jesus Christ okay I’m gonna send you articles on how to get rid of it and a list of cleaning supplies I would personally recommend
Staniella: Bill, why did you just ignore it?
Micycle: because despite being smart, Bill doesn’t have the best common sense
Billiam: it really didn’t seem that bad compared to the rest of my apartment
Benjamin Button: Wow, Bill, that looks awful!! I’m sorry you have to deal with it!!
Hell Girl: lmao bitch u fucked up
Trashmouth: that’s so gross lol pasta boy would never go to ur apartment holy shit
Billiam: why not it’s not that bad
Trashmouth: he’s like a huge fucking germaphobe
Trashmouth: one time when we were kids I fell in a sewer and he came in after me and almost passed out lmao
Trashmouth: it’s also the reason why he was so disturbed by shrek the other day
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: First of all, fucker, that’s not my fucking name, don’t call me Pasta Boy, what the fuck is wrong with you? Second, I did not almost pass out. Third, anyone would be grossed out by being in a sewer, you’re just disgusting. Fourth, you got her from a Dumpster, how did you expect me to react?
Hell Girl: hjksdak why were you even at a sewer
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He dragged me along because we heard about a sewer ghost and he wanted to catch it
Trashmouth: we would have caught in but the crashing scared it away
Benjamin Button: How did you fall in?
Trashmouth: I was pretending I was going to jump in but then I slipped
Staniella: Eddie, I’m always so impressed by your self-control.
Staniella: I would’ve strangled him by now.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Finally, someone recognizes my struggle
Trashmouth: choke me daddy
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I absolutely hate you
Staniella: Can we please ban the word “daddy” from this group chat?
Micycle: yeah Stan I’m with you
Billiam: who here agrees that we’re banning that word?
Benjamin Button: Yes please
Hell Girl: yes I hate that word
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Thank god yes
Trashmouth: stop kinkshaming me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I know for a fact that’s not one of your kinks
Hell Girl: u know his kinks,,,,?
Staniella: This is not a better conversation.
Trashmouth: what do u wanna talk about Stanny?
Staniella: What a terrible name. Bill, let’s talk about your black mold.
Billiam: Eddie sent me things, thanks again btw
Billiam: so now I’m omw to the store
Micycle: pick me up I wanna come too
Billiam: ok ill be there soon
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Are you texting and driving??
Billiam: no I’m leaving in a minute
Staniella: Stop messaging when you start driving, it isn’t safe.
Billiam: jfhskj don’t worry I’ll stop
Billiam: I’m not that irresponsible
Billiam: despite my mold problem
Micycle: I’ll make sure he won’t, don’t worry
Staniella: Thank you.
Billiam: okay I’m leaving now so bye!
“Eddie”
May 10th 4:56 pm
Bill: hey eddie I wanna thank u again for sending me shit about the mold, I really appreciate it! It worked super well
Eddie: It’s no problem! I learned a lot about home repairs and I know about lots of health things in general, so let me know if you need anything else
Bill: thanks eddie you’re really cool!!
Eddie: Haha not really, but thanks
Bill: ur plenty cool!! Alright mike and I are about to cook so ill message u later! Bye!
Eddie: Bye, have fun
“Fucking Loser <3”
May 10th 5:03 pm
Eddie: How do you feel about everyone in the camp group chat?
Eddie: Also where tf are you?
Fucking Loser <3: they seem cool
Fucking Loser <3: also I’m out
Eddie: Wow what a great response that totally answers my question
Fucking Loser <3: why are u asking
Eddie: Because I’m lonely and Stan is studying
Eddie: I need to know when you’ll get here so I know when to start dinner
Eddie: So where are you and when will you be home?
Fucking Loser <3: aww eds spagheds u care about me haha that’s so lame
Eddie: Alright if you’re gonna fucking call me that bullshit
Eddie: You can just starve then
Fucking Loser <3: noo babe
Fucking Loser <3: I was actually getting u a present
Fucking Loser <3: ill be home soon
Fucking Loser <3: in like maybe 20 minutes or something
Eddie: Getting me a present? Thanks Richie, you didn’t have to do that!
Eddie: I’ll start cooking now
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 10th 5:28 pm
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Get yourself a best friend/roommate who doesn’t pull this shit
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He said he was getting me a fucking present
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (shrekthethirdsoundtrackcd.jpg)
Trashmouth: why don’t you like ur present eds
Hell Girl: richie ndashkaks why did u get eddie the shrek the third soundtrack
Trashmouth: because we have the first one and the third one is the best
Staniella: Excuse me? You’re saying that the third soundtrack is the best when the second one has Holding Out for a Hero?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: FUCKING THANK YOU
Trashmouth: N O
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He goes on and on about how the third one is the best when it so clearly isn’t
Benjamin Button: The soundtrack or the movie?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Soundtrack
Trashmouth: the songs from the third album are the best
Staniella: Bonnie Tyler would be so disappointed in you. I know I am.
Micycle: why tf are u all arguing over shrek soundtracks
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Because it’s important that everyone knows that Richie is a Heathen and no one should live with him
Trashmouth: u made the plan!! You wanted to live with Me!!!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: When I was 15, before I found out who you really were, Benedict Arnold
Trashmouth: the third one is the best, ur just gay
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: So are you! Clearly I’m a gay with taste
Hell Girl: then why are u living with Richie lmao
Trashmouth: you know I would be insulted, but yeah why tf did u wanna live with me
Billiam: I think that the first shrek soundtrack is the best
Staniella: It’s better than the third one, that’s for sure.
Benjamin Button: Me too but I was scared to say anything
Hell Girl: if anyone was mean to u id beat them up so don’t worry
Benjamin Button: Omg Bev please don’t
Micycle: bill would you beat people up for me?
Billiam: fuck dude I sure would try
Trashmouth: damn eds I wish you’d do that for me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Stop texting. I’ve told you three times Out Loud that dinner is ready so fucking eat it
Trashmouth: get yourself a man who cooks your dinner for you
Trashmouth: just not eds cause he’s mine
Trashmouth: (plateoffood.jpg)
Micycle: what,, is that?
Trashmouth: its steak and mac and cheese
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I would like for everyone to know that the picture that Richie sent was his own food that he ruined by himself. This is my food
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (plateoffood.jpg)
Hell Girl: is that just kraft macaroni
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I never said that it was impressive
Trashmouth: stan do you wanna come over for some steak and mac and cheese
Staniella: Yes please, I’ll be there soon.
May 11th 9:48 pm
Hell Girl: who here do yall think is most likely to Kill a bitch
Benjamin Button: Bev why
Benjamin Button: We don’t need to include the others in this
Micycle: I m s o r r y w h a t
Billiam: fucking ex-squeeze me??
Trashmouth: lmao I think eddie could
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Stfu you asshole
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Why the fuck would you think that
Staniella: You’re very angry and have some violent tendencies.
Staniella: I don’t think you would kill someone though. Unless you had to, of course.
Trashmouth: I don’t think I could ever kill someone
Trashmouth: I’d probably puke and/or cry lmao
Benjamin Button: I couldn’t either. Unless it was the last case scenario
Billiam: id probably die trying to kill someone tbh
Micycle: bill omg
Micycle: I think if I tried killing someone it just,,,, wouldn’t work?
Micycle: like I don’t think they’d die
Hell Girl: I could probably kill someone in self defense
Benjamin Button: Please no one kill anyone :(
Staniella: What were you all even talking about?
Hell Girl: ben and I were talking about camp and like what if an escaped prisoner sneaks in or it’s like a Jason Voorhees situation? Who would be the one to kill him? We gotta plan for this shit since we have to protect the kids, you know?
Staniella: Well what if we can’t kill him, so someone has to die for everyone else to escape? Who will take one for the team and stay behind?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I personally volunteer Richie
Trashmouth: if that’s what it takes to save my feral ass husband, rip to me lol
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Uhh excuse me bitch?? What the fuck??
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You aren’t allowed to fucking die
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: If either of us dies for the other, it’ll fucking be me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m not raising the cat alone after you were the one to bring her home
Staniella: What a weird way to tell him you’d die for him.
Hell Girl: the way that eddie shows appreciation for richie is so funny lmao
Trashmouth: eds: take one for the team and die
Trashmouth: me: ok babe I’ll do it to save you
Trashmouth: eds: wtf no what tf are you thinking
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Shut up dickwad
Benjamin Button: I could do it
Hell Girl: I’d rather die than have that happen to you so I’ll do it
Benjamin Button: No!!! You can’t!! :(
Billiam: guys I can take one for the team and sacrifice myself
Micycle: um I think tf not
Staniella: Ugh I’ll just do it.
Micycle: um I still think tf not
Billiam: stan why :(
Staniella: Each of you all have been best friends for years, you all would just miss one another too much. It makes the most sense for it to be me.
Trashmouth: bitch what about me and eddie we love you
Trashmouth: you’re like our son
Staniella: That makes me actively Want to sacrifice myself.
Billiam: no offense but you aren’t allowed to die
Hell Girl: if u die then ill fucking die you bitch
Staniella: Please don’t.
Hell Girl: then don’t fucking die and then I won’t
Staniella: Fine. Thank you for saying that though.
Micycle: I, too, would die for Stan
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Bitch me too tf
Trashmouth: guess we’d all fucking die for stan lol
Benjamin Button: Yes we would, but please no one die!
Benjamin Button: Instead of dying how about we just think of an escape plan?
Micycle: okay but before we escape, we have to have a plan to take down the killer
Billiam: okay guys I have a plan that doesn’t involve killing anyone
Billiam: first we dig a big hole
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I hate where this is going
Billiam: then we cover it up with leaves
Hell Girl: njnfkjsdkjna bill
Billiam: then we lead the killer to the hole
Staniella: This is the most cartoonish plan for something that will never happen.
Billiam: then they fall in and we leave
Trashmouth: nnjnask your mind
Hell Girl: what if they get out??
Micycle: I mean if they’re trying to kill us then we should kill them if we can
Benjamin Button: Who should do it? Eddie or Bev?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Why am I one of the options?? Do you know how fucking disgusted dead bodies are??? The diseases they carry??? I refuse to get anywhere near a dead body, especially if I have to be the one to kill it in the first place
Micycle: okay that response eliminates eddie so
Micycle: I guess beverly’s gonna have to do it
Hell Girl: okay that’s fine I could probably manage
Hell Girl: but we need a plan b. who’s gonna do it if I can’t?? Stan??
Staniella: No thank you.
Trashmouth: ill try if I need to
Billiam: I can try
Benjamin Button: I don’t think I could but if they killed you I would try
Hell Girl: aww ben
Trashmouth: eds if the killer killed me would you kill them
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’d probably thank them
May 11th 6:09 pm
Staniella: Who here knows how to write well? I’d ask Richie and Eddie but they both suck at it.
Micycle: Bill does!!
Hell Girl: Ben does too!!!!
Benjamin Button: I really don’t write that much
Staniella: Would it be okay if I sent you two an essay I wrote for one of my classes? I’m not really a writing guy.
Billiam: sure!! My email is [email protected]
Benjamin Button: Mine is [email protected]
Staniella: Thank you, I’ll send it now.
Billiam: I’ll send an email in response so I don’t flood the gc
Benjamin Button: Me too!
Staniella: Thank you. At least this is the last English class I have to take.
Hell Girl: Ben saved my ass when I had to take those classes
“Stan”
May 12th 10:29 pm
Bill: hey stan are you busy
Stan: Not at the moment.
Stan: Why do you ask?
Bill: what kind of bird is this?
Bill: (waterbirdwithlongneck.jpg)
Stan: Wow, that’s a great blue heron! What a nice photo!
Bill: thanks!! Mike noticed it and we thought of you!
Stan: Oh, that’s nice. :)
Bill: haha no problem!! I’ll send you bird pics whenever I see them if u want
Stan: I’d like that. Thanks again for helping me with the essay, I really appreciate it.
Bill: ur welcome!! I can help with anything you need!!
“Garbage Man”
May 13th 11:45 am
Mike: (kermitthefrogmeme.jpg)
Mike: saw this and thought of you and the fact you thought he was a turtle lmao
Garbage Man: njksdajks Look it was a Mistake
Mike: the funniest mistake
Garbage Man: when will the judgement end
Mike: do u know what animal Miss Piggy is?
Garbage Man: yes I do I swear
Garbage Man: she’s a cow lol
Mike: you are a Comedian
Garbage Man: I know I’m so fucking funny
Garbage Man: and sick lmao
Mike: bitch what are you okay?
Garbage Man: yeah lol im sure I’ll be fine later it’s just annoying now
Mike: lemme know if you need anything okay?
Garbage Man: I will! Thanks mike
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 13th 2:07 pm
Trashmouth: @everyone im sick pay attention to me
Hell Girl: lmao what’s wrong
Micycle: still? Im sorry dude
Benjamin Button: Are you okay? What type of sick are you feeling?
Billiam: is eddie taking care of you lmao
Staniella: He probably is, poor Eddie.
Trashmouth: bitch what “poor eddie”???
Trashmouth: im the sick one
Staniella: Yes, but you’re impossible when you’re sick. Eddie’s told me about the time you got the flu when you all were 13.
Trashmouth: okay look he was the one who decided he’d take care of me
Hell Girl: aww that’s sweet
Billiam: do u think u have the flu now
Trashmouth: nah just have a headache and feeling kinda nasues
Staniella: That’s not how nauseas is spelled.
Trashmouth: go study ur stupid school stuff
Staniella: I already studied today. Go be sick and make Eddie take care of you.
Trashmouth: lol he’s actually working rn
Trashmouth: so he’s busy and im bored
Micycle: What does he do?
Trashmouth: he’s a teacher assistant at an elementary school
Trashmouth: and he’s going to a conference soon :(
Hell Girl: aww poor richie. but that’s cute!! Do u work anywhere?
Trashmouth: I work at a radio station part time
Trashmouth: I used to also work part-time at a bar but then the owner sold it because nobody really went there
Trashmouth: I was gonna find another one but since ill have to ask for a break soon for camp im just gonna wait until summers over
Benjamin Button: I’m sorry, Richie. I’d give you attention, but I really have to go to class now. Sorry! I hope you feel better!
Trashmouth: I’m gonna go sleep now anyways, have fun in class lol
May 13th 5:47 pm
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m done with work and I checked on Richie again and he’s still asleep
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (richieasleepinbed.jpg)
Micycle: he looks so sweet and peaceful when he’s asleep
Hell Girl: aww he’s cute
Staniella: Will you be making soup?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Yeah, it’ll be ready soon
Staniella: Can I come over and have some?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Lmao yeah sure
Hell Girl: njkasnd send pictures pls
Staniella: (eddieandstanselfie.jpg)
Hell Girl: absolute angels!!!! the both of you!!!!
Micycle: why is everybody in this chat attractive? It’s not fair
Staniella: Thank you both. I’m not really, but I appreciate it.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Lol Stan’s super embarrassed
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (embarrassedstanlookingatphone.jpg)
Staniella: Oh, it sounds like Richie’s waking up.
Hell Girl: njmadknsd everyone’s so cute
Hell Girl: mike send a picture of you and bill!!! I wanna know what yall look like!!
Micycle: bill’s busy and I dunno if he wants me to send a pic but ill send one of me!
Micycle: (selfieofmike.jpg)
Staniella: Oh wow. You have very pretty eyes.
Hell Girl: no hetero but ur hot af!!!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Wow, okay, your smile???
Micycle: aww guys thanks :)
Staniella: Richie is awake and says “It’s not fucking fair that everyone is hot and I look like a drowned rat”.
Micycle: aww richie no you’re attractive!!
Staniella: (richierestingheadoneddie’sshoulder.jpg)
Hell Girl: richie looks like he’s feeling better!
Trashmouth: (staneatingsoup.jpg)
Trashmouth: I am a bit
Trashmouth: ill probably feel perfectly fine tomorrow
Billiam: hey guys how’s the soup
Hell Girl: bill!! Can you send us a picture?
Billiam: uh yeah sure lol
Billiam: (billandmike.jpg)
Billiam: guess which one I am lmao
Micycle: isn’t bill a handsome dude??
Hell Girl: so!!!! Handsome!!!
Trashmouth: literally wtf??? no homo but stop being hot
Staniella: You have really cute dimples!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Wow this is bad for my self-esteem
Micycle: bev! Ben! what do yall look like??
Hell Girl: (benandbevonabeach.jpg)
Hell Girl: this is us from last summer!! Isn’t ben just the cutest you’ve ever seen??
Staniella: Okay, wow, this really isn’t fair.
Trashmouth: how the FUCK is everyone so hot??
Micycle: yall are so cute!!!!
Billiam: so pretty and so handsome!!!! Bev ur hair is so nice!!
Hell Girl: thank you!!! I always cut it myself and ben always helps!!
Benjamin Button: That’s such a nice picture of you, Bev :)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I agree with Mike why tf is everybody in this chat Ridiculously Attractive??
Trashmouth: eds does that include me???
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Uhh
Hell Girl: ????
Staniella: Eddie just left.
Staniella: Richie just followed him.
Staniella: I’m going to eat all of their soup.
Hell Girl: njkndijfa do it
Billiam: lmao it’s what they deserve
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: We’re back
Trashmouth: yo stan wtf why would you eat our soup
Hell Girl: why aren’t yall Talking aren’t yall hanging out
Staniella: I’m talking to Eddie. We’re trying to talk to Richie, but he’s a dumbass.
Trashmouth: you come into my house
Staniella: It’s an apartment.
Trashmouth: eat My soup
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I was the one who made the soup
Trashmouth: on the day of my daughter’s wedding?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Oh my god
Staniella: Your “daughter” only knows five people. She doesn’t even know any other cats. Even if she did, I don’t think she could fall in love.
Trashmouth: don’t talk about ur sister that way
Staniella: You aren’t my father, Richard.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Oh god Richie just turned on the Shrek the Third soundtrack in defiance
Billiam: lmao have fun guys
Micycle: bill and I are going to study now, goodnight!!
Trashmouth: goodnight from all of us!!
Hell Girl: goodnight!!
“Fucking Loser <3”
May 14th 12:00 pm.
Eddie: Rich I’ve tried calling you three goddamn times, answer your damn phone. Are we going to your parent’s house tonight for dinner?
Eddie: I know that you were feeling kind of sick last night so I was wondering if you need me to cancel for us if we were planning on going
Fucking Loser <3: idk eds I might be too sick
Fucking Loser <3: u might have to play doctor on me lol
Eddie: Answer the damn question I’m running errands and I need to know if I need to pick anything up for dinner tonight
Eddie: I also need to know if you really are feeling sick so I can pick up some soup
Fucking Loser <3: aww you love me
Fucking Loser <3: but no don’t worry I don’t need soup
Fucking Loser <3: I do however need spaghetti ;)
Eddie: You know what you can actually have dinner with your parents without me
Fucking Loser <3: noo babe they only let me come when I bring you
Fucking Loser <3: ur their favorite
Fucking Loser <3: oops *they’re
Fucking Loser <3: gotta use the right there so you’ll actually still come to dinner lmao
Fucking Loser <3: eds?
“Hell on Screen <3”
May 14th 12:04 pm
Eddie: (screenshotofrichiemiscorrectinghimself.jpg)
Eddie: LOOK AT WHAT THIS DUMBASS JUST DID
Fucking loser <3: HJDSFHJDBSKJAS EDDIE
Bill: richie,,,,,
Stanley: How did you mess up that badly?
Mike: Fucking f
Bill: f
Bev: f
Ben: f
Fucking loser <3: hmmm,
Fucking loser <3: I can’t help but Notice a detail
Eddie: What, that you can’t fucking write?
Eddie: We already knew that
Fucking loser <3: nice contact name you have for me eds <3 ;)
Eddie: What??
Eddie: Oh
Bev: lmao he caught you
Ben: Aww Eddie cares about Richie!!!
Eddie: No I don’t
Eddie: The contact name is me
Eddie: Rating him
Eddie: I see him as less than three
“Hell Girl”
May 14th 12:16 pm
Trashmouth: okay you said we could talk about eddie
Hell Girl: I did!!
Trashmouth: I know u don’t know him like I do but like
Trashmouth: it’s weird for him to have a heart on a contact name
Trashmouth: espeicllay his 10000% platonic roommate who is his best friend
Hell Girl: that was not even spelling but ignoring that
Hell Girl: It sounds like he likes you too??
Trashmouth: haha what
Trashmouth: I never said I liked him hahahahaha
Hell Girl: ….
Trashmouth: …...
Hell Girl: Richie
Trashmouth: okay I like him
Hell Girl: it sounds like he likes you too
Hell Girl: maybe you should go for it!
Hell Girl: what’s the worst-case scenario?
Trashmouth: he Kills me
Hell Girl: njasdnkas
Hell Girl: why would he Kill you
Trashmouth: to avoid awkward situations idk
“Hell on Screen <3”
May 14th 12:31 pm
Bev: Hey guys sorry this is unrelated but
Bev: Hypothetically speaking
Bev: if someone told you they Like Liked you
Bev: but you didn’t Like Like them back
Bev: would you kill them??
“Tall Gay”
May 14th 12:31 pm
Tall Gay: FNJKSAHAJJS BEV
“Ben <3”
May 14th 12:32 pm
Ben <3: Uhh Bev?? Are you alright?
“Hell on Screen <3”
May 14th 12:34 pm
Eddie: Depends
Eddie: Who’s telling me this?
Magic Mike: Bev are you planning on murdering someone
Magic Mike: Because you would probably lose your job for that
Bev: omg no
Birdwatcher: If you are, don’t say anything here. I won’t lie to the cops for you.
Ben <3: I’d lie to the cops for you Bev
Ben <3: But please don’t kill anyone
Bev: hjkafasjfdh Ben thank you but no don’t worry
Tall Gay: spagheds might help with the murdering if he’s in his Especially Feral mood
Bev: lmao at least eddie’s on my side
Eddie: Fucking “spagheds”? Really bitch?
Eddie: And the fuck do you mean by “Especially Feral” mood
Eddie: You’re one to talk dipshit
Tall Gay: oh shit ur angrey now lol
Eddie: You are the Bane of My Existence you fucking asshole
Tall Gay: I love our pet names eds ;)
“Tall Gay”
May 14th 12:42 pm
Tall Gay: how do I stop being Gay for him
Bev: Fuck dude I dunno
Bev: are you sure you Need to stop being Gay for him??
Tall Gay: look dude I’m like Sure he doesn’t like me
Bev: how does he usually act with people?
Tall Gay: he’s such a little monster lol
Tall Gay: he’s so cute
Bev: How does he act w/ you?
Tall Gay: even more of a monster and even cuter tbh
Tall Gay: he’s also affectionate w me
Tall Gay: which is cool as fuck but also hell
Tall Gay: because I get to have contact with him
Tall Gay: but I want More
Tall Gay: but at least he might not kill me lmao
Bev: tbh that’s the Most Important Thing
“Ben <3”
May 14th 12:47 pm
Ben <3: Beverly
Ben <3: Dear
Ben <3: What was that
Bev: lmao
Bev: (screenshotofrichiesayingeddiemightkillhim.jpg)
Ben <3: Jjfdskhf Bev
Ben <3: But why did you just Ask That
Ben <3: Now they might think you’re suspicious
Bev: nah lol they won’t
“Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3”
May 14th 12:49 pm
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Rich you still need to tell me if we’re going to dinner with your parents tonight
Trashmouth: ughhhh whyyyy
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Because you fucking asshat Maggie messaged me again asking if we were. She needs to know how much food to prepare
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: What do I tell her
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 14th 12:51 pm
Trashmouth: (screenshotofeddie’spreviousmessage.jpg)
Trashmouth: can someone pls tell me why my mother is messaging my roommate to see if we’re coming to dinner tonight instead of messaging her own son
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Can someone please tell me why my roommate still hasn’t answered my question
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Can someone also please tell me why the FUCK that’s his contact name for me
Hell Girl: lmao richie
Staniella: Richie, maybe it’s because she knows she won’t get a direct answer from you, so she has to ask your more responsible roommate.
Staniella: Eddie, maybe it’s because your roommate is irresponsible.
Staniella: I don’t have an answer for the contact name. Really Richie, what the fuck?
Trashmouth: in my defense
Trashmouth: im gay and I forgot to change it before I took the screenshot
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: nfjskhfk Richie
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I just messaged Maggie back and we’re having dinner with them tonight
Trashmouth: ughhhh eds why
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Maybe because I love your parents and want to see them
Trashmouth: u literally saw mags yesterday
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Idc
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: They love us and want to see us
Billiam: how often do u see his parents eddie?
Trashmouth: god like everyday
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: At least three times a week
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Excuse me for wanting a nice relationship with them
Benjamin Button: Aww!! :’)
Micycle: that’s so domestic and cute omg
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: No it’s not
Trashmouth: him and mags are in a book club together
Hell Girl: NJSFKAGIAS WHAT
Trashmouth: fellas is it gay to be in a book club with your roommate’s mom
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Stfu Richie
Billiam: Is it just you two? And what type of books do you all read?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Yeah. It’s just me and Maggie
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: His dad Wentworth sometimes reads the book with us
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Usually it’s a book that one of us has heard a lot of good things about
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: But once a year or so we find a book that has really bad reviews, read it, and rip it to fucking shreds
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: It’s the best lmao
Hell Girl: how long have you and Richie’s mom been in your own book club??
Trashmouth: god since he’s been like 5
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Shut up Richie. It’s only been since I was 13
Benjamin Button: How did that happen?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I was having dinner with them and we were talking about how in English class we were reading The Outsiders, and Maggie started talking about how she loved the book. Eventually I finished it during lunch and when school let out, I went to Richie’s house to talk to her about it, and a week later she told me about a book that was similar to it and how she thought I’d like it and it’s just kinda been a thing since then??? We read at least one book a month and it’s great
Trashmouth: I married a fucking loser
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Stfu dick we aren’t married
Micycle: that sounds so wholesome omg
Staniella: What’s been your favorite book you two have read?
Hell Girl: what’s been the fucking worst book lol
Hell Girl: nfjskf stan we went two different ways
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: The favorite? We both really loved The Perks of Being a Wallflower so maybe that tbh
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Shoutout to Perks for helping me realize I was gay
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: The worst book was probably?? The fucking book Feed. That was one that we saw good reviews for, so it made it worse
Trashmouth: why don’t u invite me to ur book club
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: We’ve tried a few times but you never wanna
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Also it lets us talk about you lmao
Hell Girl: omg can I join I wanna talk about richie
Staniella: Hmm sounds tempting tbh.
Trashmouth: god u sound old
Trashmouth: but u all talk about me?? Fucking what??
Trashmouth: what do u all say??
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Sometimes she tells me funny stories about you about times I haven’t been around
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: We talk about what it’s like to live with you
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: She’ll give me a recipe for a meal you like sometimes
Micycle: So domestic
Billiam: Wow
Hell Girl: Guys eddie is cute
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: No??
Benjamin Button: You have a book club with your best friend’s mom
Hell Girl: where you gossip about him
Benjamin Button: And she gives you his favorite recipes
Hell Girl: that’s pretty cute eddie
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: No, it’s not!! >:(
Trashmouth: I’ve been telling him for years but he still doesn’t believe me
Trashmouth: (eddieblushingwhilelookingathisphone.jpg)
Trashmouth: look at him blushing lmao he’s so fucking cute
Trashmouth: he smacked me again but it was worth it tbh
Trashmouth: especially since he never smacks me hard enough to hurt lmao
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I hate you
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Maggie and I are talking about this tonight
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: And at our next book club >:(
Staniella: Lol.
Trashmouth: how often do u all talk about me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You don’t need to know that
Hell Girl: what are u having for dinner tonight??
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Maggie was talking about fixing pasta
Trashmouth: but eddie if it’s spaghetti that’s cannibalism
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You know what I might just have dinner with your parents without you
Staniella: I’ll replace Richie if you want.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Sure Stan that’d be great, I’m sure Maggie would be thrilled to have better company
Trashmouth: why do you hate me eds
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Not my name dickwad
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: We’re leaving at 5:30, just so you know
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m telling you now, in the group chat, so there are witnesses and you can’t say that you had no idea
Trashmouth: ughh fine
Trashmouth: but I’m wearing my ugliest Hawaiian shirt
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You say that as if you have attractive ones
Trashmouth: come on babe u know u think they’re sexy
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Why can’t you wear your dark blue button up? You know, the one with the grey buttons? You haven’t worn it since Valentine’s Day when we got burgers and snuck into that horror movie
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: It brings out the color in your eyes and you look actually fucking decent in it
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Even if the second to last button on it is slowly falling out and you won’t let me just fucking sew it back in place
Staniella: That’s very specific, Eddie.
Billiam: damn Mike why don’t you pay that much attention to clothing I hardly ever wear
Micycle: sorry Bill I guess we aren’t as committed as Richie and Eddie are :/
Micycle: years of friendship can’t compare to how long they’ve been Best Friends
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Shut up it’s not that weird
Trashmouth: u can sew the button on if it really means that much to you lol
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Thank fucking god bring it to my room
“Hell Girl”
May 14th 1:19 pm
Trashmouth: ok he’s sewing the button and I am Gay
Hell Girl: Richie it really seems like he likes you
Trashmouth: he doesn’t!! what if I make a move and he stops being my friend
Hell Girl: how long have you all been friends?
Trashmouth: since we’ve been four
Hell Girl: wow that’s 18 years
Hell Girl: how long have you liked him?
Trashmouth: since we’ve been four
Trashmouth: granted though when we were kids, I didn’t really understand what it or love really was so back then it was more of a
Trashmouth: “wow eds is my best friend and when we grow up, we’re gonna move to California and live together forever” and less of a
Trashmouth: “wow eds is the love of my life and I would follow him anywhere as long as we can live together forever even if every time he looks at me I wanna die because I just wanna kiss and hold him and never let go and I just don’t think that it would be possible to do that without ruining my friendship with him because even though I’m a gay ass bitch who’s in love with my best friend, that’s what he is, my best friend, and that comes before anything else”
Trashmouth: ya know, like it is now
Hell Girl: Richie…
Trashmouth: damn sorry about that
Trashmouth: I tend to Overshare
Hell Girl: dude it’s fine, I’m cool with it
Hell Girl: have either of you all dated anyone??
Trashmouth: recently? Like last year or whatever he dated this Stupid Fucking Guy Ryan for a few months
Trashmouth: I called him Stupid Fucking Ryan (SFR for short)
Hell Girl: why’d they break up?
Trashmouth: haha uh me and SFR really didn’t,, uh,,, like each other,, at all
Trashmouth: SFR eventually got mad at eds because I was Always Around and uh
Trashmouth: he apparently said to eddie “I stg u two act more like a couple than we do” and “you two are always touching” and “you hold his hand but not mine”
Trashmouth: and in his defense
Trashmouth: that’s true
Hell Girl: Oh my god
Trashmouth: but only because eddie has a thing about germs and like we’ve known each other since we were four
Trashmouth: he’s used to my germs
Trashmouth: he wasn’t used to SFR’s germs
Hell Girl: Richie that’s something that someone would do when they Like you
Trashmouth: we’re Pals
Hell Girl: so are Ben and I
Trashmouth: fucking touché
Trashmouth: you sound like my mom
Hell Girl: she knows?
Trashmouth: yeah. turns out when you come home from school every day singing about how you’re gonna marry your best friend, it’s difficult to keep that a secret from your parents
Hell Girl: omg soft
Trashmouth: ok I gotta go take a shower since The Cutest Boy in The Entire World will throw a hissy fit if I don’t shower now so ill have time to dry my hair and shit
Hell Girl: think about it!!
Trashmouth: lmao I’ll do it if you man up about telling ben
Trashmouth: but not really because the phrase “man up” is stupid but idk how else to say it lol
Trashmouth: okay bye
“Ben <3”
May 14th 1:43 pm
Bev: hey ben can you come over at around two?
Ben <3: Yeah of course!
Ben <3: Do you need me to bring anything?
Bev: no just your cute self :)
Bev: I wanted to talk to you about something
Ben <3: Okay...
Ben <3: Is it bad?
Bev: nkdjfdsjn no of course not!! It’s good!! <3
Ben <3: Haha good!! I’ll be there at 2!!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 14th 2:19 pm
Hell Girl: (bevkissingablushingben.jpg)
Hell Girl: guess who’s dating now lol
“Hell Girl”
May 14th 2:19 pm
Hell Girl: Your move, Tozier
“Maggie”
May 14th 5:36 pm
Eddie: Hey Maggie, Rich and I might be a little bit late tonight
Maggie: That’s fine, dear. Is everything alright?
Eddie: Yeah, traffic is just a bit worse than usual. I think there might have been a wreck, but I’m not sure. It shouldn’t be later than 6:30 though
Maggie: Okay! Our new book has arrived, and I think we’re going to like it! :-)
Eddie: I can’t wait!
Maggie: Have you talked to Richie yet?
Eddie: No, I don’t think I’ll bring it up to him
Eddie: I love all of you. If it turns out that he doesn’t like me back, I don’t want to lose you either
Maggie: You wouldn’t! :-(
Maggie: Think about it more, please.
Eddie: Alright, I will
Maggie: Thank you! See you soon, dear! :-)
Eddie: See you soon, Maggie :)
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 14th 6:02 pm
Trashmouth: lmao hey guys
Trashmouth: congrats bev/ben
Trashmouth: im at dinner with my parents and they r both talking to eds and im bored
Staniella: It’s rude to be on your phone during dinner.
Billiam: why aren’t you talking with them?
Trashmouth: because it’s boring
Micycle: What are they talking about?
Trashmouth: his lame ass job
Trashmouth: they’re talking about the conference and how he’ll be abandoning me
Hell Girl: lmao fucking rip
Billiam: did you end up wearing the shirt eddie wanted you to?
Trashmouth: no and he Pouted
Trashmouth: now they’re talking about camp
Billiam: speaking of camp! We have to show up in a month and I still don’t know how to do Morse code so fucking rip
Hell Girl: njfakjfsn I cant believe you got the job without knowing Morse code
Hell Girl: oh! Stan! Birdwatcher is your contact name in my phone lol
Staniella: I really like that, thanks Bev!
Micycle: that’s a great name!!
Hell Girl: mike!! Are you okay with yours being Magic Mike??
Micycle: im okay with that njasdnjkasdn
Hell Girl: Richie’s contact name is Tall Gay
Trashmouth: lmao why not Trashmouth
Micycle: why??
Trashmouth: that’s my regular nickname
Billiam: it sounds like an insult
Trashmouth: oh it 100% was lol
Trashmouth: some fucking asshole in middle school started to call me that after I kept making jokes about fucking his mom haha
Trashmouth: jokes on him though
Trashmouth: he ended up living with me
Staniella: A love story for the ages.
Trashmouth: I personally think that Ed’s contact name in your all’s phones should be Little Devil
Hell Girl: not “eds”?
Trashmouth: nah that’s my special boyfriend/fiancée/husband nickname for him
Trashmouth: and that also applies to Eddie Spaghetti, Pasta, and all of my other names for him
Trashmouth: including husband B)
Staniella: Lmao I thought it was “Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3”.
Billiam: haha
Micycle: bill I found you a present lol
Micycle: you’re gonna love it
Billiam: !!!!!! Okay!!!!
Benjamin Button: Hi everyone!! I was cooking with my mom!! What’s the present??
Micycle: (bike.jpg)
Micycle: come by tomorrow to pick it up
Billiam: !!!!! Thank you!!! I needed a new bike!! Rip silver
Trashmouth: who tf is silver
Billiam: my old bike
Billiam: she got hit by a car last year
Staniella: I’m sorry to hear that.
Trashmouth: rip lol
Micycle: bev what do you want your contact name to be
Hell Girl: if not bev then im okay with it being Ember in anyone’s phone but im not picky
Benjamin Button: Really??
Hell Girl: yeah :)
Trashmouth: why?
Hell Girl: Ben wrote me a poem in middle school
Hell Girl: “Your hair is winter fire, January Embers. My heart burns there, too.”
Hell Girl: which is the softest and sweetest shit ever
Hell Girl: We’ve practically been dating since 10th grade
Trashmouth: lmao what’s that like
Staniella: Wow.
Staniella: Ben seems very sweet.
Hell Girl: god he’s the best
Benjamin Button: I’m really not, that’s you!!
Hell Girl: no!! you!!
Trashmouth: oh hell no
Trashmouth: as happy I am for yall you are Not bringing that Sappy Relationship stuff here on my Wholesome group chat
Hell Girl: understandable but you’re fucking one to talk lmao
Hell Girl: Mr. fucking “we’ll grow old together, I love you eds”
Trashmouth: im telling eddie spaghetti that you’re bullying me
Trashmouth: I tried telling him but he just told me to turn my phone off :’(
Trashmouth: so bye
May 14th 6:32 pm
Magic Mike added you, Ben <3, Billiard, and Birdwatcher to a group.
Magic Mike: Okay, they’re gay for each other, right?
Birdwatcher: Yes, absolutely.
Billiard: fnsjkfj mike I thought when you said “let’s talk about it” you meant the two of us
Bev: lmao me and ben talk about it too
Bev: but also like
Bev: I kinda feel like I shouldn’t be in this chat?
Bev: I’ve kinda talked to richie a bit about it
Ben <3: Yeah… he really seems to like Eddie
Bev: we’re growing closer
Billiard: should someone start talking to Eddie?
Billiard: to see if he likes him back?
Bev: I mean I started talking to Richie specifically because I wanted to know and I didn’t think that Eddie would Like That
Magic Mike: Good point but also, I think we’re all friends?
Ben <3: Me too! :)
Birdwatcher: I think so too, and I think Eddie might agree, but I’ve lived next to them for years, and Eddie’s nice and we’re friends, but he’s gotten weird when I’ve mentioned it.
Billiard: I can try talking to him
Billiard: I’ll send him an article about washing hands or something lol
Magic Mike: lmao alright
Bev changed the group name to “Operation Reddie”
Bev: I think this is fitting haha
Billiard: jkfdkakaj is Reddie their ship name
Bev: yes
Ben <3: What’s our couple name haha
Bev: Benverly
Ben <3: Ldhsajkhfa that took no time at all
Bev: I came up with it in 10th grade fjdwskf
Birdwatcher: I didn’t sign up for this when I applied for the job.
Birdwatcher: But I guess I don’t regret it or anything.
Magic Mike: I’m glad :)
Birdwatcher: Good. :)
Bev: stan likes us!
Birdwatcher: You all are really cool people. It’s not what I expected from the job, but it’s nice.
Ben <3: That’s so sweet!!
Magic Mike: haha Reddie is fucking missing out
Bev: so like what do we do if eddie ends up liking him back
Bev: because as much as I Love meddling in people’s lives and you all are Super Cool
Bev: we haven’t really met each other and it might cross the line to Meddle
Ben <3: Maybe we could wait to really do anything until camp? Then we can all become closer and then we’ll be able to see them interact!
Ben <3: I still think it’s a good idea for Bill to talk to Eddie about it after a while
Magic Mike: That would be better tbh
Birdwatcher: As fun as it might be to talk about them and think about whether or not they like each other, we also have to remember that they are real people who could get hurt. We have to know that even if we might all become really good friends, we aren’t there yet, and we might not get there if we start to actively meddle.
Billiard: that’s a super valid point
Bev: yeah, I want them to get together if eddie likes him too but I don’t want to fuck something up and not be friends
Ben <3: So, it’s agreed that we won’t really do anything except see if Eddie likes Richie back?
Magic Mike: yeah, I think so
Birdwatcher: Alright, good. I guess we’ll see what happens. I gotta go study for my exams.
Bev: bye good luck!!!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 14th 10:57 pm
Eddie: Hey guys we’re leaving Rich’s parent’s house now
Bev: wow you all have been there for a long fucking time
Eddie: I’m so tired but I always like seeing Maggie and Wentworth
Bev: is Richie driving?
Eddie: Yeah, he usually drives there and I usually drive back, but I’ve been drinking some wine and I’m pretty tired. And Richie doesn’t sleep properly
Eddie: He gets his terrible sleep schedule from his parents I stg
Eddie: If I wasn’t there, the three of them could stay up for fucking hours after this
Eddie: Maggie is an absolute party animal
Billiard: ur relationship with Richie’s mom is adorable
Eddie: Shh
Bev: aww he’s too sleepy and drunk to tell you to stfu
Bev: how soft and cute
Eddie: Shhhhhhh
Eddie: Why tf are u all awake
Bev: it’s not that late lol
Billiard: I’m writing rn so I’ll be going to bed at like fucking 4 am or some shit
Bev: what are you writing?
Billiard: a story about a demon space clown that my little brother Georgie had a dream about lmao
Bev: njdakf not what I was expecting but Okay
Eddie: Is he,,, okay,,?
Billiard: yeah he’s fine I just thought it’d be fun lol
Bev: so ur like a Writer?
Billiard: I guess technically?
Bev: that’s so cool!
Eddie: Richie is asking if you’ve ever written smut
Billiard: hfjsdgfaksk no
Bev: lmao are you reading these messages to him as he drives?
Eddie: Yeah wtf else am I supposed to do?
Billiard: knskdahflj you could sleep
Bev: make richie carry you inside the house
Eddie: “That’d be fucking easy, you weigh fucking nothing haha”
Eddie: If you never hear from Richie again, I’ve murdered him :)
Bev: fucking rip
Billiard: I’ll write his eulogy
Billiard: “richie was
Bev: yes??
Billiard: and now he isn’t”
Eddie: Richie says that now he can’t wait for me to murder him so I can put that on his tombstone so thanks for that
Eddie: Do I still get arrested if he was willing to die?
Eddie: Because I’m tempted
Bev: I mean probably yeah
Bev: cannibal café guy got arrested and his victim was willing
Billiard: lmao that was so fucked up
Eddie: Fucking what
Eddie: Actually, no, fuck that, I don’t want to hear about that shit
Billiard: hey eddie what’s richie doing
Eddie: Earlier he started playing one of my cd’s, so he’s currently singing along to it
Eddie: It’s nice
Bev: omg soft
Billiard: what’s the cd
Eddie: It’s the Dirty Dancing soundtrack
Eddie: Which is a Good movie okay
Bev: nfjshkjdks that’s one of Ben’s favorite movies
Eddie: Well fucking deserved
Billiard: lmao is richie a good singer
Eddie: Richie says “I am the best singer that has ever blessed this world”
Eddie: He’s obviously joking because he legitimately thinks he’s a bad singer
Eddie: He’s not, he’s actually good
Eddie: But most of the time he sings badly on purpose
Eddie: Lmao he’s so embarrassed it’s so cute
Bev: I wanna hear him sing
Billiard: let’s have a concert where it’s just richie singing karaoke to us
Eddie: He’s singing badly again because he doesn’t want me filming him
Bev: he’s shy !!!
Eddie: He’s shy only when someone is complimenting him or says something sincere
Eddie: Otherwise Richie really has No Shame
Eddie: He wants me to take it back because “Eddie that doesn’t make me sound cool and punk rock”
Eddie: Even though he has never done anything in his life to warrant anyone thinking that he’s cool
Eddie: Because he is a Loser
Bev: lol same
Billiard: Mood
Eddie: Guess we’re all losers
Eddie: (Richie the most)
Eddie: We’re almost home!!
Eddie: I’ll get to sleep!!
Bev: haha I’m happy for you
Bev: eddie, what do you want your contact name in my phone to be?
Bev: and I don’t want it to just be eddie
Eddie: I don’t know? Why can’t it just be Eddie?
Bev: don’t you have a nickname?
Eddie: I’ve never had a nickname that wasn’t an insult
Eddie: And I don’t really want it to be “Wheezy” or “Girly Boy”
Eddie: Richie wants me to point out that he’s given me several nicknames
Bev: but those are his special boyfriend nicknames njksadnkdf
Eddie: Ugh, I saw. Richie’s such a dumbass
Billiard: what are things you’re interested in? maybe you could pick a name based off of that?
Eddie: I like cars
Eddie: And mechanical things
Billiard: oh???
Bev: I was Not expecting that njdnkjnasj
Eddie: Why? Am I not manly enough?
Bev: no!! just because it seems really messy
Bev: and you don’t seem to like being dirty, ya know? Pls don’t think I’m like That
Eddie: Oh. I’m sorry. That was unfair of me
Bev: it’s okay!!
Bev: what’s ur favorite type of car?
Eddie: I mean I think that every car is cool
Eddie: When Rich and I were younger, I used to help around with cars to make some extra money. A neighbor had a 1967 Chevrolet Camaro and I had the most fun with that
Eddie: So that would probably be my favorite
Bev: LMAO wait I have the perfect name for you
Small Gay: What is it?
Bev: small gay
Small Gay: I’m not small
Bev: please??? It’ll match with Richie!!
Small Gay: Ugh, fine. I’m too tired for this shit. We’re also finally home, so we’ll talk to you all tomorrow
Small Gay: Goodnight everyone
Billiard: gn!!
Bev: goodnight!!
Small Gay: Richie also says goodnight
Bev: lmao goodnight richie
Billiard: gn richie haha
“Eddie”
May 15th 9:21 am
Bill: (articleabouthealthbenefitsofgingerandcinnamon)
Bill: hey eddie I found this article and I thought of you lol
Eddie: You may laugh but there are genuinely lots of health benefits of spices
Bill: no I get it I’m not laughing at u
Eddie: Oh
Eddie: Really?
Bill: no jsdnka sorry if it sounded like I was!!
Eddie: No, I’m sorry. I’m used to people making fun of me over it, so I tend to get defensive. Like last night with Bev
Bill: you saved me from black mold so I have no right to laugh at you at all haha
Bill: but it sucks that people have been shitty! I’m here to talk if you need to!
Eddie: It’s been four years, so it’s fine. Thanks though! I’m here for you too
Eddie: Ugh Richie’s being so loud
Bill: lmao what’s he doing?
Eddie: He’s singing All Star to the cat again
Eddie: I can’t believe he found her in a dumpster
Bill: I cant believe he named her shrek lol
Eddie: It was his favorite movie when we were young and he found her in a dumpster apparently so I’m just glad he didn’t name her something worse
Bill: how long have u known him again?
Eddie: I guess forever? Before we moved to Cedar Edge, we lived in Springston about thirty minutes away from Derry. We grew up in the same neighborhood but we became friends when we were four. We were in the same preschool class. We were seated next to each other and I asked for a crayon, then he decided that we were best friends and never left me alone again. For the rest of that year, he’d never shut up. He always asked me to spend the night and though I wasn’t able to do that because of my mom, she eventually let us hang out and we never stopped
Bill: that’s cute!
Eddie: I’m sorry, I’m rambling. How long have you known Mike?
Bill: since we’ve been 12. I was hanging out in the woods alone and he came by all fucked up. I asked him wtf happened and he told me that the town’s local bully (psychopath) beat him up and started chasing him
Bill: I brought him to my house and me and my mom helped him and we ended up talking a lot and became friends
Eddie: That sucks that he was beat up, but at least you all got to meet?
Bill: yeah the guy who did it was Fucked Up
Bill: he beat Mike up specifically because he’s racist and homophobic and generally the worst. We live in the most bigoted town I can think of, but he was the cherry on top
Eddie: That’s awful, I’m so sorry
Bill: yeah he’s in an asylum now lol
Eddie: I’m sorry what
Bill: yeah turns out his killed his dad and a few kids. He almost killed my little brother Georgie but he was able to run away
Eddie: Oh?? My god??
Bill: yeah haha Derry is fucked up
Bill: Mike and I have been trying to save up money so we can move to a different town together
Eddie: That’s what Richie and I did, and it was honestly worth it. I’m glad I started working and saving money early
Bill: how hard was it? And how did you do it? If you don’t mind me asking lol
Eddie: Well saving money for myself wasn’t that bad. It took mom a lot of convincing to even let me get a job, but she ended up letting me when I told her I needed job experience so I could get a great job in the future
Eddie: Since she knew about the job, I would take the checks I would get and go to the bank to put two thirds of the money in a secret account I made for myself and put the rest on the bank account she knew about, which she said she was saving for a birthday gift when I turned 18. So that was what I did for three years, not counting all of the work I took from people in town, fixing up their bikes and things like that, always putting it in the secret account
Eddie: At 17, I started to slowly pack up the things I wanted to take with me. I would tell mom I was throwing them away, but I just left them with Richie. I wanted to get out as soon as I turned 18, but I couldn’t buy a house at 17, and since he’s two months younger than me, Richie wouldn’t have been able to either. I love his parents, but I knew that if stayed there, mom would’ve been able to find me
Eddie: We looked into things, and decided Richie could get emancipated. It would mean that Richie was allowed to be on his own and his parents weren’t responsible for him anymore. I couldn’t do it or else mom might’ve killed me. We asked them if they could, and after some explaining, they agreed, though Richie still stayed with them for the time being. After that, we were able to look for apartments hours away and we eventually found this one, and although there had to be a lot of improvements, we loved it. It’s technically in his name but I put in money for it, and in September, we started getting everything ready for November, when I would turn eighteen
Eddie: Maggie and Wentworth chipped in a little for the rent, but it was mostly the two of us. It was kinda difficult, the entire process of getting an apartment ready to live in, with the repairs and decorating, while having a full-time job and school, having to get good grades. At that point, I was taking college classes online, and he was working, since we were both able to skip 12th grade and had graduated early. Mom was proud of me since she thought it would look good on a job application or whatever
Eddie: I had put in my two week-notice so I was done the day before I turned 18, the apartment was completely ready, and I withdrew all of the money from my secret account, closing it. On my birthday, I played along with her, she gave me the money from the regular account, and everything was going okay. My plan had been to sit down and have dinner with her and calmly let her know I was leaving, but then she had started to talk shit about how even though I’m an adult, there are still things I shouldn’t do. Meaning guys, specifically Richie. Then she kinda started to insult him, and I snapped. I told her that I was gay and leaving and I never wanted to see her again. She, of course, blamed Richie for everything, but I didn’t stay and listen
Eddie: Rich and I fuck with each other a lot, it’s how our dynamic works, but I always think about this, and I will always be grateful. We had this incredibly detailed plan about moving and escaping the town for three years. We were going to go at 10 pm sharp, but I ran to his house at 11:02 am, and we left two minutes later, no questions asked. I found out later from Maggie that he had been ready to leave with me since he had woken up at 6 am, something he never does, but he did that day, because he knows that’s when I wake up, and he wanted to be prepared in case something went wrong
Eddie: That’s how we saved money and moved out so young but also like
Eddie: My mom was emotionally abusive and manipulative so take it with a grain of salt
Bill: eddie holy shit
Bill: that’s so impressive omg
Eddie: Thanks. It took a lot of planning and going behind her back. If she found out, I don’t know what would’ve happened. She’d probably try to make me move away
Bill: it’s really brave of you to stand up to your mom
Eddie: You sound like Richie haha
Bill: you two are really close
Eddie: He’s my family
Eddie: But don’t tell him that, it’ll make his ego grow even more and he already has a huge fucking five-head
Bill: lmao don’t worry your love for richie is safe with me
Eddie: What love?? There’s?? no Love??? What??? Haha??
Bill: haha eddie like since he’s your family
Eddie: Oh right
Eddie: That’s what you meant
Eddie: Well I have to go pack for my conference now so bye
Bill: haha okay just know I’m here if you want to talk. About richie or anything else
Eddie: Hahaha okay bye
“Fucking Loser <3”
May 16th, 9:01 am
Eddie: Okay I’m at the hotel
Fucking Loser <3: come back I miss u
Eddie: Rich, it’s only for two nights, it’ll be okay
Fucking Loser <3: but consider this
Fucking Loser <3: no
Eddie: Oh my god
Fucking Loser <3: why did u even have to go :(
Fucking Loser <3: there are people there and u hate people
Eddie: It’s for people who work with kids to learn new ideas and activities to do with them
Fucking Loser <3: but u already know tons
Eddie: I like seeing if there’s anything else
Fucking Loser <3: okay :(
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 16th 3:33 pm
Fucking Loser <3: lmao hey guys whassup my bois
Fucking Loser <3: ya pal richie rich is drunkie drunk
Bev: richie why are you drunk
Bev: where’s eddie
Fucking Loser <3: he is G one
Fucking Loser <3: and I am sa d
Fucking Loser <3: therfor I drink
Fucking Loser <3: :)
Bev: jesus richie
Bev: where did Eddie go?
Eddie: I’m at a work conference in Portland
Eddie: Rich, you’re so dramatic
Fucking Loser <3: You’re s o dmratic
Eddie: Richie I stg if you’re going to get drunk whenever I leave, I’m sending you to my therapist and you can’t say no
Fucking Loser <3: noooo
Eddie: You know how much I hate it when you drink alone
Eddie: At least when you were at the bar before you brought home Shrek, I was at the apartment
Eddie: But now I can’t fucking make sure you’ll be okay and I’m going to be distracted and worried for the entire fucking conference
Fucking Loser <3: eds u Car e aboyt me?
Eddie: What kind of question is that? Jesus Christ Richie, I’m messaging you privately. Don’t message the group again
“Fucking Loser <3”
May 16th 3:37pm
Eddie: Richie what’s going on
Fucking Loser <3: wh at do u mwan
Eddie: It’s 3:46 in the afternoon and you’re drunk
Eddie: Not to mention this is the second time you’ve gotten drunk this month, despite your rule to only drink once a month because your family has a history of alcohol addiction and you know that it would be easy for you to get addicted too
Eddie: And I’ve told you time and time again not to get drunk when I’m not around to take care of you because when you drink alone you get sad and I can’t fucking stand it when you’re sad and I can’t do anything about it
Fucking Loser <3: i’m sory eds
Fucking Loser <3: r u mad at me
Eddie: I’m just worried. As much as I give you shit, you’re my best friend and I really care about you. I like making sure you’re safe and I can’t do that when you get drunk while I’m 3 hours away
Fucking Loser <3: sorry edie spageti
Fucking Loser <3: i luv u
Eddie: I love you too
Fucking Loser <3: no like
Eddie: I have to go to another program; will you be okay?
Eddie: “No like” what?
Fucking Loser <3: nvm it&s ok go 3 ur thiny
Eddie: ….
Eddie: Stay safe, Richie. Try to sober up and don’t drink anymore
Eddie: And make sure to hydrate
Eddie: Okay?
Eddie: Richie?
Eddie: Are you there?
Eddie: Rich?
“Stan”
May 16th 3:44 pm
Eddie: Hey Stan can you please check on Richie for me?
Stan: I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m taking my exams right now. I only have a few minutes left in my break, and it’s two hours from the apartment.
Eddie: Fuck fuck fuck
Eddie: Okay
Stan: Is this about the group chat?
Stan: Is Richie okay?
Eddie: I don’t know
“Ms. Torrez”
May 16th 3:46 pm
Eddie: Hi, Ms. Torrez, this is Eddie Kaspbrak. I’m at the conference in Portland, Maine. Unfortunately, I have a family emergency at home, so I have to leave early. You can take whatever pay you need to out of my paycheck, I’m very sorry for any inconvenience.
Ms. Torrez: I wish you could have let me know sooner, but I know that things happen. I hope everything will be okay.
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 16th 3:52 pm
Eddie: Can you all please call Richie for me?
Eddie: Then tell him to call me or call me yourself and let me know he’s okay?
Bev: yeah ofc I’ll start calling him now
Ben: Me too
Bill: Mike and I will too
Stan: I will too.
Eddie: Thank you, if he answers and you decided to tell me yourself, don’t message me. I’m driving so please call me
Bev: alright
“Richard”
May 16th 3:53 pm
Stanley: Richie, if you’re reading this, please call Eddie. He’s really worried about you.
“Tall Gay”
May 16th 3:56 pm
Bev: richie? where the fuck are you???
Bev: we’re fucking worried
Bev: what the fuck’s going on??
Bev: answer your phone I keep trying to call
“Gonzo”
May 16th 3:59 pm
Ben: Hey, Richie! Are you okay?
“Dick”
May 16th 4:32 pm
Bill: are you okay? we keep trying to call, please respond to someone
“Garbage Man”
May 16th 4:52 pm
Mike: hey dude, we’re all really fucking worried, what’s going on?
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 16th 6:46 pm
Small Gay: The fucker is okay
Small Gay: His phone is dead and he’s fucking asleep
Bev: how do u know?
Small Gay: (richieasleeponcouchwithshotglassesoncoffeetable.jpg)
Bev: you went home?
Small Gay: Of course I did
Small Gay: That was why I said to call instead of text
Ben <3: Will you get in trouble for ditching?
Small Gay: Probably not. I messaged my boss and told her I had a family emergency and had to go home
Small Gay: But I probably will get in trouble for murdering him for scaring me like that
Small Gay: And he made a mess >:(
Small Gay: So I’ll be cleaning until he wakes up
Small Gay: Ugh and I’m going to have to get food
Small Gay: Goddammit Richie
“Operation Reddie”
May 16th 6:50 pm
Bev: he left his work conference
Ben <3: To make sure that Richie was okay
Magic Mike: Bill’s also been talking to him more
Magic Mike: And he’s told me that it seems like he likes him back
Birdwatcher: Eddie asked if I could check on him, but since I was taking my exams, I couldn’t. But I didn’t think he would just leave.
Birdwatcher: But I don’t blame Eddie for being worried.
Birdwatcher: That was fairly early in the afternoon.
Bev: yeah it’s pretty concerning
Ben <3: I don’t think we’re close enough to him to do anything, but I think that Eddie and Stan can help him
Magic Mike: bev, how close are you to Richie?
Bev: uhh,, maybe like?? with everyone it’s probably level 7 friendship out of 10, but with richie it’s probably like 8 out of ten??
Bev: and like,, guys,,, he really likes eddie
Billiard: eddie seems to like him too
Magic Mike: I guess we’ll see what happens
“Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier”
May 16th 7:12 pm
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Message me if you wake up before I’m home
Trashmouth: eddie?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Good, you’re awake
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m at the store, do you need anything?
Trashmouth: ur at the store?
Trashmouth: like, home?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Yeah dipshit
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I already have strawberries, since you love them after you drink
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I also have blue Gatorade, since you’re a monster who hates the red kind
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Did you need anything else?
Trashmouth: how fucking long have I been passed out
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I came back early
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: did you not see the group messages?
Trashmouth: I saw messages from you and that was my priority so no
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m getting dinner too
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: We’ll discuss this later
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Drink some water
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 16th 7:16 pm
Trashmouth: hahahaha,,,, hey guys… what’s up…?
Hell Girl: eddie’s gonna kill you lmao that’s what’s up
Benjamin Button: He was really worried, Richie
Trashmouth: I know I feel bad
Trashmouth: and embarrassed
Hell Girl: good. we were worried too, just so you know
Trashmouth: sorry guys
Micycle: Richie! You’re up!
Staniella: Are you hungover?
Trashmouth: not this time
Trashmouth: I almost never drink that much
Trashmouth: and if I do, I don’t usually sleep until I’m fairly sober or whatever
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Not including the time he brought home the cat
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He got so fucking drunk that night and then the next morning I had to remind him what he did
Hell Girl: which was bring home a dumpster cat that he then named shrek
Billiam: really dude wtf
Trashmouth: she just seemed so sad :(
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He might try to tell you otherwise, but Richie’s actually a huge fucking softy
Trashmouth: take that back!! I’m hardcore and cool!!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I have a video of him crying because I cuddling with Shrek and he thought it was cute
Trashmouth: wait what you told me you deleted that
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I lied
Trashmouth: in my defense I was like Really drunk
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He was not That drunk
Hell Girl: that’s so cute
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I know lmao
Trashmouth: it’s not cute because it didn’t happen!!!!!
Trashmouth: and sorry bev im gay
Hell Girl: there goes my plan to seduce you damn
Trashmouth: does anyone here actually “like like” women?
Staniella: I do
Billiam: I do
Benjamin Button: I do, or really only one
Hell Girl: I do too lmao
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I tried to
Trashmouth: he did. it was some of the worst months of my life it was fucking awful
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Wait, really?
Trashmouth: because u seemed miserable and that made me sad
Trashmouth: not for any other reason hahahahndfjksdgia
“Hell Girl”
May 16th, 7:43 pm
Trashmouth: jhcfskgfjsa I meant to send that to you fucking shit
Hell Girl: ?? how did you fuck it up??
Trashmouth: ur contact name is Hell Girl
Hell Girl: fuck that’s such a cool name
Trashmouth: did it seem sus???
Hell Girl: the first message wasn’t
Hell Girl: the second message was
Trashmouth: I stg I’m changing ur contact name
The One (1) Girl: to what
Trashmouth: The One (1) Girl
The One (1) Girl: that’s less cool
Trashmouth: can’t make that mistake again
The One (1) Girl: then rename the gc so my name can be Hell Girl
Trashmouth: no
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 16th, 7:47 pm
Trashmouth: babe when will u be home I miss u
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Idk Rich, by 8:30?
Trashmouth: that’s so far away :(
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: It’s less than an hour
The One (1) Girl: richie has dependency issues
Trashmouth: no!!!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Don’t I fucking know it
Micycle: who was the girl you tried to like and when was this?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: her name was Myra and it was in the 10th grade
Trashmouth: ugh I would rather talk about my dependency issues than her
The One (1) Girl: so you admit it!!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Mom thought I might’ve been gay and I was in major denial and kept trying to convince myself that I was straight. Myra was in one of my classes and I would constantly catch her staring at me, so one day I asked her to sit with me and Richie at lunch
Trashmouth: are u really telling the entire story
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: If they want to know, then yes
Benjamin Button: I wanna know! If it’s not too invasive, of course!
The One (1) Girl: yessss
Billiam: yes pls
Staniella: I’d like to hear the story.
Micycle: I asked in the first place so yes lmao
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Everyone wants to hear it, so I’m telling
Trashmouth: fine whatever
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’ll be typing it out, so it’ll take a little while
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I asked Richie if I could ask her to sit with us and he got all weird, but he said sure, so I did. It was fine enough, she talked to us, mainly looking at me. I felt uncomfortable, but I tried telling myself it was because I liked her and I was just nervous. Anyways, a few days after doing that, I decided to ask her out. She was so happy and I just felt nauseous. I was hoping that when I told mom about it, she would tell me I wasn’t allowed to be in a relationship, so I could break up with her, but she was thrilled. I guess it was worth it, in her eyes. Sometimes we would go to the movies or other date like things. She would eat lunch with Richie and I every day at school and I knew that they didn’t exactly get along but I had no idea how much they hated each other. After four months, one day I came to lunch and they had both gotten there before me. They were arguing and they both looked fucking pissed. I asked what was going on, and Myra asked me to choose between her and Richie. Then he told her to fuck off then left the cafeteria. I broke up with her immediately, obviously. Even if he ignored me for a few days after that because he thought I was still with her, the dumbass. Eventually I asked him what the fuck was going on and why wasn’t he hanging out with me, and this dipshit said, and I motherfucking quote, “You didn’t choose her? You still wanna be my friend?” all sad and sappy and shit. Because, like I said, dumbass. The funny thing is the exact same thing happened with an ex-boyfriend of mine a year ago. We got in a fight and he told me to choose between him and Richie, and guess who I fucking chose again
Micycle: Holy fucking shit
Staniella: I second that, but also, with your ex-boyfriend, he made you choose? Between him or your best friend? Who was also your roommate? I still don’t know what he was expecting to happen.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I mean one of the reasons we got into the argument in the first place was because he was talking about me moving in with him
Trashmouth: wait what u never told me that
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I didn’t?
Trashmouth: uhh??? no???
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Oh
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Well that’s why the fight started
The One (1) Girl: aww you chose richie twice
Billiam: why were he and myra arguing in the first place?
Trashmouth: oh god
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: That’s the thing!! I have no idea!!
Trashmouth: wait what
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: What
Trashmouth: eds u never knew why we were fighting???
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Wtf did I just say Richie
Trashmouth: oh my god
The One (1) Girl: what???
Staniella: Is there something you would like to share with the class?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Yeah why tf were you all fighting?
Trashmouth: uhh
Trashmouth: that’s for me to know
Trashmouth: and for u to never find out
“The One (1) Girl”
May 16th 7:55 pm
The One (1) Girl: why were u all fighting???
Trashmouth: you can never fucking tell eds about the shit that I say, capeesh?
The One (1) Girl: not how u spell it but yes
Trashmouth: okay so myra kinda found out that I maybe kinda sorta had a thing for him? and she got fucking pissed at me? and threatened to tell him? which is why I couldn’t believe he still wanted to be my friend? and I thought he just decided to ignore it? but apparently he had no idea this entire time? so idk where tf we are rn?
The One (1) Girl: shit dude
The One (1) Girl: how did she find out?? Did she overhear you talking about him? Or did she just have eyes?
Trashmouth: okay ouch but fair
Trashmouth: she may have caught me staring at him,,,, several times,,, and saw us be affectionate,,,, all the time,,,,
The One (1) Girl: wow
Trashmouth: there was also that time I crashed their “date” night
The One (1) Girl: how did u do that
Trashmouth: I knew that they were going one weekend but I didn’t know exactly what day or time so I just hung out in the arcade two days in a row until I saw them and then I played it off like I was planning on seeing the same movie as them completely by coincidence. It ended up being a showing of the Princess Bride
The One (1) Girl: njkshaksjd what did eddie say
Trashmouth: well when I first showed up myra was there and he said “oh well if you’re alone you should join us” but as soon as myra wasn’t in earshot he whispered “thank fucking god you’re here”
The One (1) Girl: lol fucking rip myra
Trashmouth: not to mention valentine’s day
The One (1) Girl: well now u gotta fucking mention valentine’s day dude wtf
Trashmouth: okay so you know how a while ago eds mentioned the dark blue button up that he was salty over? and how I wore it on valentine’s day?
The One (1) Girl: ya
Trashmouth: we always do something on that day, no matter what. we started when we were like 11 or some shit because we were in 6th grade and so many couples were in our classes and we were in a “fuck love” phase
Trashmouth: so while everyone else talked about what stupid middle school date they’d be doing,,, we were just planning on fucking around in town and then spend the night at my house. we vandalized a brick wall, broke some bottles, cleaned up the broken glass so people wouldn’t cut themselves, typical badass things
Trashmouth: afterwards we went to my house and ended up watching some horror movies. we watched Evil Dead, then The Thing, then Child’s Play. I remember this specifically because we were at the scene in The Thing where it’s the shot of the guy attached to the chair being assimilated and I looked over at eddie, who was watching intently, looking equally disgusted and excited, and that was the moment I realized I was head over ass in love with him
Trashmouth: my first thought was ‘how the fuck did I not realize this sooner’ my second thought was ‘shit I’m gonna have to deal with this now’ and my third thought was ‘wait does this mean im gay?’
Trashmouth: in the midst of my newly realized gay panic, eddie just looked at me and said “hey rich let’s do this every valentine’s day. fuck the romantic bullshit, right?” perfectly calm, as if I wasn’t having a crisis and as if watching horror movies with your best friend/love of your life wasn’t the most romantic thing ever
Trashmouth: so. every single year that’s what we’d do, since we never dated anyone
Trashmouth: when he started going out with myra, I was a bit concerned about valentine’s day because it was our Thing, but it was November so I was like ‘okay whatever they won’t be together by Christmas’ but they were, and then I was like ‘okay whatever they won’t be together by February’ but they were, and then I was like ‘okay I need to stop thinking like this or else they’ll get fucking married’
Trashmouth: eventually it was feb 12th on Thursday and I was heartbroken when eddie said “hey richie this time can we not get the movie theater butter popcorn? I always fucking hate how it sticks to my fingers and I’d rather not deal with it” and I asked what he meant and he rolled his eyes and was like “valentine’s day obviously what fucking else would I mean” and I asked if he and myra broke up and he looked confused and said no
Trashmouth: then I asked why he wasn’t doing anything with her instead of me and he rolled his eyes again and called me a dumbass. But he said it fondly and im gay so I swooned internally
Trashmouth: I figured that he was just gonna do something with myra earlier in the day or something
Trashmouth: turns out he straight up told her he was busy and couldn’t do anything with her
Trashmouth: two days after that on Monday was when myra and I got into the fight. She came and sat at mine and eds table and she looked at me and said “you’re gonna have to back off. I know you and eddie were with each other on Saturday and I know you like him. If u don’t stop flirting with him, im gonna tell him.”
Trashmouth: I tried denying it but like… I couldn’t
Trashmouth: so myra was the first person I was Officially out to lmao
Trashmouth: and the thing is,,, I don’t really blame her for disliking me? like if I were in her situation I’d be pissed too so like? but I didn’t appreciate her threatening to tell him like I think that was uncalled for. also making eds choose between us wasn’t cool but
Trashmouth: yeah so that’s…. yeah
The One (1) Girl: holy fucking shit
The One (1) Girl: richie I think he likes you
Trashmouth: after all these years I would keep noticing things that made it seem like maybe he liked me back... but I would ignore those because of the myra situation and he didn’t say anything so he obviously didn’t feel the same way… but apparently he had no idea
Trashmouth: unless he’s lying to spare my dignity in the gc
The One (1) Girl: he seemed to be telling the truth
Trashmouth: should I tell him? god I hope he likes me
Trashmouth: okay he messaged me that he’s on his way home so I’m gonna go. Goodnight sweet dreams sleep well
Trashmouth: fucking pray for me that he likes me and won’t kill me
The One (1) Girl: goodnight sweet dreams sleep well good luck!!!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 16th 9:43 pm
Richard: friendly reminder that eds loves me despite what he may say
Bev: wbk
Stanley: Proof?
Eddie: He has none
Richard: one day at school I was having a really bad day and my sweet eddie spaghetti suggested we skip the rest of our classes and go see a movie
Richard: and he even offered to pay
Eddie: It wasn’t a big deal dude
Richard: this was when we were saving money to move away together and he was Fickle about spending
Richard: so he loves me lol
Eddie: You’re so annoying
Richard: babe if im so annoying then why are we cuddling rn
Bill: you two are messaging the gc while cuddling? Are you all talking irl??
Eddie: Yeah, of course we are. Right now we’re arguing about the best Madonna songs
Richard: yeah lol eds has shit taste
Mike: richie for the proof that eddie loves you why didn’t you just send a picture of you two?
Richard: you know what that’s a great idea but now I cant do that because eds looks annoyed and tired lmao
Richard: hes so cute
Eddie: I can see your messages fuckwad
Ben: A fun drinking game for this group chat would be to take a drink of water every time Richie calls Eddie cute
Bev: ben we’re the legal drinking age we could get drunk
Stanley: But you would die if you did it with alcohol.
Stanley: Richie’s favorite thing to do is talk about how cute Eddie is.
Eddie: Lmao he’s so lame
Richard: ur still cuddling me tho so like who’s more lame
“Operation Reddie”
May 16th 9:50 pm
Stanley: This is getting unbearable.
Ben: Guys,,, what if they’re already together and they just wanna mess around with us,,,,?
Bev: I would be annoyed but amused
Bill: idk you guys I don’t think they are
Mike: you know, I agree with Ben. I just don’t see how they’ve been friends for so long, living together, both knowing that the other likes guys too, and haven’t figured it out yet
Bill: shit do yall think they Are fucking with us???
Bev: either that or they really are both dumbasses
Bill: but I mean they also both graduated early so
Ben: His contact name for Eddie is “Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3”
Ben: And recently if Richie’s called him babe, Eddie hasn’t really said anything
Stanley: I don’t think they are. I’ve lived next to them for a long time, and I think that if Richie were dating him, he’d never shut up about it.
Bev: you know stan makes a valid point
Mike: when the gc first started, they said they didn’t know each other when they were apparently living together
Stanley: Yeah, but they’re both idiots.
Bev: and the way that richie talks about eddie to me
Bev: like stan said
Bev: I don’t think he would ever shut up about how he was dating the “Cutest Boy in The Entire World”
Bev: which is a direct quote from him
Bev: even if he’s wrong bc that’s ben
Ben: Nnkajsnsal Bev
Mike: I just can’t believe that they couldn’t realize
Stanley: Richie spent his entire life not realizing that Kermit the frog was a frog. We aren’t dealing with a normal person.
Mike: maybe he was joking about that
Bill: they keep messaging the gc
Bill: should one of us try to see if they’ve been interested in anyone they’ve met recently or something like if they’ve been with someone recently??
Bev: what like asking if they’ve been getting laid??
Bill: idk maybe??
Stanley: Ah, yes, I can see that conversation perfectly.
Stanley: “so yall get some dick lately lol”
Stanley: Wonderfully natural, they wouldn’t suspect a thing.
Bev: knfdshfkjsanfdkjsa
Mike: seeing that imitation from stan has been my Favorite Thing
Bill: god it sucks that Reddie doesn’t know about this chat because that’s the funniest thing ever but we can’t show them
Bev: does anyone else here have a relationship that they can talk about
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 16th 9:58 pm
Eddie: You’re still the lamer one
Richard: how
Eddie: You turned on the science channel on tv
Richard: I asked you if you were okay with watching it and u said yes
Eddie: Yeah, because I’m okay with watching it. You went out of your way to find it because you actively wanted to watch it because you’re lame and a nerd
Richard: hells yeah insult me more babe
Eddie: You know you’re literally so disgusting
Richard: u started sexting me first
Eddie: I was- what???
Eddie: Richie you are so obnoxious
Richard: you know I love it when you’re mean to me
Stanley: (stanwearingalightyellowshirt.jpg)
Stanley: Would this shirt look nice to wear on a date to the park?
Bill: yes!! it looks really good!!
Bev: aww you look super cute in that shirt!!!!
Ben: Stan it looks so nice!
Mike: it’s a great shirt!!
Richard: woah stan the man’s going on a date??? why didn’t ur fathers (us) know about this???
Stan: Yes. You aren’t my parents. I forgot to mention it, sorry. Does the shirt look nice?
Eddie: I guess? Idk much about fashion
Mike: oh really
Mike: “dark blue shirt that you wore on valentine’s day that you look good in because it brings out the color in your eyes even if the gray buttons aren’t as tightly sewn on as they should be” doesn’t ring any bells?
Richard: lmao eddie he called you tf out
Eddie: Listen
Eddie: That’s the only shirt of his that I like
Bev: lmao that’s ur excuse?
Eddie: Yes
Richard: you cant say that when ur literally wearing one of my shirts
Eddie: Yes I can
Bev: im sorry ur what now
Mike: wearing one of his shirts
Bill: two bros
Bill: cuddling on a couch
Bill: wearing each other’s shirts cause they are gay (but also just pals)
Eddie: Exactly
Richard: nothing but platonic cuddling and shirt wearing on my good Christian group chat
“Operation Reddie”
May 16th 10:03 pm
Mike: they have to be dating
Bill: sometimes I borrow your shirts or jackets
Mike: but that’s also Rare
Bev: should we ask how often they share clothing
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 16th 10:03 pm
Ben: That’s so cute! Do you often wear his shirts? :)
Richard: yes he loves my fashion
Eddie: No, it’s only occasionally and also when we aren’t going anywhere
Richard: he’s wearing my shirt tonight because it’s a Madonna shirt that I never wear
Stanley: Why don’t you ever wear it?
Richard: not that I hate her music but like im not even a huge fan of Madonna or anything
Eddie: Lmao tell them why you have the shirt in the first place it’s so fucking funny
Richard: my grandma got it for me after I came out
Bill: NHJBNKAJndk wh at
Mike: holy shit fucking really???
Richard: so like my mom and dad Always Knew that I was Homosexual and they were just fucking waiting for me to come out and I finally decided to at my very liberal family reunion and everyone was super cool but gran was a bit surprised so later when mom told her that it didn’t seem like she was cool with it, she freaked tf out because she’s so sweet and then invited us over for dinner and she presented it to me and told me she loved me and always would, no matter what
Eddie: The shirt was wrapped in rainbow wrapping paper and Richie cried
Ben: You were there?
Richard: he was also at the family reunion
Bev: how many of ur family members thought he was ur boyfriend lol
Richard: literally All of them
Eddie: We tried explaining but they didn’t believe us for some reason
Richard: “okay everyone I have something to tell you…. Im gay”
Eddie: “Wow Richie thanks for telling us! We love you so much! Eddie, we’re so excited that you two are finally together!”
Richard: “no u don’t understand hes just my emotional support gay”
Eddie: His grandma still thinks we’re dating
Bill: wow I wonder why
Eddie: Me too
Stanley: Well, you were there at a family reunion and you did show up with them to his grandma’s house for a family dinner.
Richard: yeah but they should be used to it by now
Richard: he’s been showing up since 6th grade
Ben: When did you come out? If you don’t mind me asking!
Richard: well I came out to eds in 10th grade then my parents an hour later then the entire family a few months after that
Richard: spaghetti man was always there lmao
Mike: of course he was lol
Eddie: Throwback to a week after I broke up with Myra and I came out to Richie’s mom, dad, Richie, then sat there as Richie then came out to me, his dad, then mom, all in that order in under three hours
Bev: njksahfjksda eddie you were just??? there??? watching???
Eddie: Well I was hanging out with Maggie and she asked about my breakup with Myra and I just told her I was gay then started crying then eventually Went walked in and he got all upset and worried and so I told him I was gay and he just hugged me and told me he loved me like Maggie did then he asked if me and Richie were dating and I said no
Eddie: Then Richie got home and I went to his room with him and he was all worried too so I told him I was gay then he said “same” and then there were more tears
Richard: then dad heard crying and came rushing in and asked what was wrong and I said “god dad cant two gays be crying and have a little privacy”
Eddie: You know, because Richie’s a dumbass
Richard: then dad started hugging me then he left after making sure I really did want privacy
Eddie: Then we calmed down and went downstairs and started watching a movie with Maggie and when Rich was getting a drink she asked if he could get her water and he said “I can’t, I’m gay” but then he brought her water anyways
Richard: then she hugged me and told me she loved me, like dad did
Eddie: Eventually we fell asleep on the couch because it was late and we cried a Lot
Bill: I Cannot get over the phrase “I was hanging out with Maggie”
Bev: aww that’s such a sweet coming out story
Bev: I told ben I was bi in 9th grade because we were both looking at a pretty girl and he cried more than I did because he was so happy and proud of me lmao
Ben: I still am :)
Stanley: I haven’t told anyone yet, but I’m bisexual too. So, this is the first time I’m coming out.
Bill: !!!!!!!!!
Mike: Stan!!!!!! I’m so proud of you!!!!!
Bev: BITCH WE’RE BI BUDDIES!!!!!!!!
Richard: hells yeah dude!!!!!! That’s super fucking brave of you!!!!!
Eddie: We all support you Stan!!!! And we’re all happy for you!!! Come over soon and we can celebrate!!!!!
Ben: Stan, I just want you to know how proud I am of you for having the courage to come out! I know that even if you know we’re all LGBTQ or accepting, it can still be scary to come out! We can all agree that we’re all here for you if you ever feel lonely or like nobody cares, because we all do! Thank you for trusting us enough to tell us! :)
Stanley: Thanks guys. It really means a lot to me, honestly.
Stanley: Okay I’m going to go to bed since I have the last test of my finals tomorrow, but thanks everyone for the nice words! <3
“Bill”
May 18th 8:04 am
Eddie: Hey okay I’m ready to talk about Richie
Bill: oh!! Really??
Eddie: But I stg if you tell him about anything I say and things become weird between us I will order a hitman to Take You Out do Not fucking test me
Bill: lmao eddie I won’t say anything to him
Eddie: Okay first I wanna talk about what happened when I went home early from my conference. I’ll be typing a lot of messages so I’ll let you know when I’m done, and sorry in advance
Bill: no worries dude I’m here for you
Eddie: Okay so I came home that night after getting us some food and he was waiting there all nervous. When I walked in he immediately started apologizing to me and telling me how sorry he was for making me worried, and making everyone in the gc worried and he just seemed so pitiful
Eddie: So I put the food on the kitchen counter and gave him a hug, and he calmed down a bit, but he was still apologizing
Eddie: I explained like I did in our messages that I just like being there so I know he’ll be okay because I don’t like anything bad happening to him and he’s a sad drunk when he’s alone
Eddie: The night continued like it usually would have with everything from the group chat but everything was fine and we were cuddling. Then it was time to sleep, and he asked if I could stay with him in his room. Which is fine, we sometimes do that, since we’re best friends
Eddie: So I did and everything was fine and we were in bed and I heard Richie whisper my name, but I was half asleep so I didn’t respond but then he kissed my forehead while cupping my cheek and for backstory we are Affectionate but we are not Let Me Gently Cup Your Cheek And Place A Delicate Kiss On Your Forehead While My Other Hand Holds Yours Softly Affectionate. And it is Unfair for him to pull that shit because I have been Actively Pining over him since halfway through my relationship with Myra, and have been Blindly in Love with him since possibly maybe forever
Eddie: I will now take questions and comments at this time
Bill: holy shit
Bill: he likes you, dude
Eddie: Do you really think so?
Bill: I mean in the gc before we knew yall were friends Mike and I thought he liked you
Bill: and then after we found out we still think he likes you
Eddie: But also you all don’t know him, he does have a very eccentric personality
Eddie: I can talk to you about this, right?
Bill: yes of course!!
Eddie: Alright. Poor Maggie will get a break
Bill: jksafnkjsn his mom knows??
Eddie: Yes she found out about it during the book club after I broke up with Myra and it was the most humiliating conversation of my life
Bill: I still can’t believe that happened like holy shit
Eddie: Me fucking either. Like she told me that she heard about what happened and she asked why exactly we broke up and I panicked and told her and started crying
Eddie: Then as she was comforting me, she kept telling me that it was okay, and she loved me, and I started crying even more
Eddie: Then she called me family and then I started full on sobbing
Eddie: After I calmed down, she gave me some cookies and tea and rubbed my back and then asked if Richie knew, and I said no. She said that he loves me too, and he always would, and then there were more tears and I guess I started blushing a lot because then she kinda looked at me like she just confirmed something, then we just kinda looked at each other, both knowing what the other person knew, and she brushed hair out of my face, kissed my forehead, and said “He likes you too hun, I’m sure of it”
Eddie: Then I cried some more
Bill: wow that was so emotional and loving. when I told my family I was bi, they just said "no shit" cause i had a crush on both cinderella and prince charming so rip
Bill: but!! it’s so fucking funny that his mom knows you like him
Eddie: It’s embarrassing but it’s been nice having someone to talk to for all these years about it
Eddie: Up until recently, the only friends I’ve really had has been Richie and Stan, and I couldn’t talk to Rich about it for obvious reasons, and Stan sees us Every day
Eddie: I just really like him and I don’t want to lose him or Maggie and Went
Eddie: Even if she always tells me I wouldn’t, I can’t just go over to my ex best friend’s parent’s house
Bill: let’s think of evidence that he likes you!! That’d be fun!!
Eddie: Sometimes we’ll just be doing something, like cooking dinner or we’ll be out somewhere, and he’ll say something funny for once and I’ll laugh and I’ll notice him looking at me with a really soft look on his face but he gets and Ember and flustered when he sees me seeing him and he’ll look away but idk if that means he likes me
Bill: eddie that’s so gay
Eddie: Then he’ll make a joke about fucking my mom
Eddie: He’s so annoying why do I like him so much
Eddie: Fuck, he just sent me a messaging asking me where I am
“Fucking Loser <3”
May 18th 8:29 am
Fucking Loser <3: eds where are you
Eddie: I went out to get us breakfast
Fucking Loser <3: wait really
Eddie: Yes dipshit I’ll be home soon
Fucking Loser <3: god I love you
Eddie: Shut up
Eddie: I love you too
“Bill”
May 18th 8:31 am
Eddie: (screenshot.jpg)
Eddie: Can I call the cops and have him arrested for this?
Eddie: Because he’s going to kill me
Bill: njbfwdjka eddie ur so dramatic
Eddie: Stfu no I’m not
Eddie: If I die, still don’t tell him or else I’ll fucking haunt you
“Operation Reddie”
May 18th 8:32 am
Bill: eddie update: he’s dramatic and gay
Ember: bitch richie too tf
Hawkeye (caw caw): Has Eddie mentioned anything involving Richie yet?
Bill: god has he
Ember: ooh does he like him too???
Bill: I’ll tell yall only if we don’t meddle
Sheep Boy: we’re not going to meddle
Benji: We won’t meddle
Bill: okay he really likes richie
Ember: YES!!!! good!!! they like each other!!!
Benji: That’s good news!!
Sheep Boy: hell yeah!!!!
Sheep Boy: I don’t think we’ll have to meddle, since they live together
Sheep Boy: they have to realize
Bill: eddie says he’s liked him for Years
Ember: shit so has richie
Benji: If they aren’t actually dating, we aren’t meddling
Ember: yet
Hawkeye (caw caw): We can’t meddle until summer, at least.
Ember: ughh that’s so far away
Sheep Boy: it’ll be here until we know it!!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 18th 8:43 am
Trashmouth: get you a man who’ll buy you breakfast
Trashmouth: just not eds cause he’s mine
Trashmouth: (mcdonaldsbreakfast.jpg)
The One (1) Girl: aww that’s so sweet eddie
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: No it’s not
Billiam: eddie’s a sweetheart lmao
Trashmouth: don’t I fucking know it
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Shut up Richie
Trashmouth: he is the Cutest Boy I have ever seen
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Don’t test me again Richie. You know what’ll happen
Trashmouth: there’s no one I’d rather live with, eddie my love
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: That’s it
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (puppetthatrichiemade.jpg)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Behold the devil that is Richie’s puppet
Trashmouth: EDDIE
Trashmouth: BABE
Staniella: Holy shit.
The One (1) Girl: it’s fucking real oh my god
Benjamin Button: Sometimes you need to thank the world for small blessings
Benjamin Button: Other times you need to ask the world why they created the things it created
Benjamin Button: I’ll leave you to decide which time this is
Billiam: I have met god and I asked her what death is
Billiam: and she showed me that puppet
Micycle: njaskdnkjas it’s not That Bad
Trashmouth: thank you mike ur my new best friend
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Um, I think tf not bitch
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I haven’t dealt with your shit for 18 years for you to dump me like you should’ve dumped that puppet in the trash
Trashmouth: I think it’s a great puppet
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: It doesn’t look like you at all
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You gave it Ember hair
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: It looks more like Bev than you
The One (1) Girl: damn eddie stop roasting me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Njnksdfn sorry Bev
Trashmouth: details are irrevelent
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You are so fucking bad at spelling
Trashmouth: I don’t need to spell to be a sex god
Trashmouth: Stanley can I get a hell yeah??
Staniella: You absolutely cannot.
Trashmouth: ur such a grampa
Trashmouth: btw eds we’re going out tonight
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Excuse me?
Trashmouth: I’m taking u out somewhere as a surprise lol
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Then why tf would you tell me about it
Trashmouth: because I know you hate being spontaneous and that you also hate surprises in general and it’ll be funny watching you all day be annoyed
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: That’s a fucking war crime or some shit
The One (1) Girl: I’ve said before that Eddie has a weird way of showing Richie his appreciation but Richie’s way is just mean and hilarious
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Richie tell me what it is
Trashmouth: no lol
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I fucking hate you
Billiam: no u don’t lmao
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Fight me Bill
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Richie tell me what the fucking surprise is
Benjamin Button: Is he going to act like this until the surprise happens?
Staniella: Unfortunately.
Trashmouth: ya lmao it’s so funny
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You’re such a fucking dick it’s not fucking funny watching me be mad at you
Trashmouth: actually it’s hilarious
Benjamin Button: Poor Eddie
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Fucking thank you
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: What’s the fucking surprise
Trashmouth: special
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I will Murder you
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: How should I be dressed for tonight?
Micycle: lmao what if he told you to dress casually then took you to a really fancy restaurant?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He wouldn’t do that because he knows I would Murder him
Trashmouth: damn there goes my plan lmao
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Richie you’re such a fucking asshole
Trashmouth: haha eddie baby I’m kidding
Billiam: or is he???
Staniella: You know, I told Bev I wouldn’t help her with a murder, but if Richie pulled that shit, I might actually help you kill him.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I would literally never forgive you and I might move out
Trashmouth: eds I wouldn’t pls don’t kill me or leave :(
Trashmouth: id die
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Tell me the surprise >:(
Trashmouth: I promise you’ll love it babes
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m going to trust you. Don’t make me regret that
Benjamin Button: Aww you didn’t correct the nickname! :)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I don’t want him fucking with me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: More than he usually does
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: That’s all it is
“The One (1) Girl”
May 18th 9:07 am
The One (1) Girl: rich holy shit are u gonna tell him
Trashmouth: lmao no
Trashmouth: I’m just taking him somewhere
Trashmouth: I’m not telling anyone lol
Trashmouth: you’ll find out after eds does
The One (1) Girl: ughh fine
The One (1) Girl: is it a date though lmao
Trashmouth: can’t a gay take another gay out for a night and not have it be a date?
The One (1) Girl: ur madly in love with him tho
Trashmouth: it’s a friend date
Trashmouth: it’s gonna be great hes gonna love it
The One (1) Girl: when are yall going out?
Trashmouth: at 5:15, so he’s gonna start getting ready at 3 probably lol
Trashmouth: little neurotic hellspawn <3
The One (1) Girl: did u tell him when you’re leaving?
Trashmouth: he came into my room and started bugging me so yes
Trashmouth: I also let him know what kind of clothing he should wear
Trashmouth: and despite this being Not a Date im nervous lmao
The One (1) Girl: want to call me to talk about it?
Trashmouth: wait really??
The One (1) Girl: omg yes ofc
Trashmouth: holy shit then yes
Trashmouth: ill call u now
“Tiny Badger”
May 18th 12:02 pm
Tiny Badger: (eddieinlightpinkbuttonupshirt.jpg)
Tiny Badger: (eddieinlightbluebuttonupshirt.jpg)
Tiny Badger: (eddieindarkgreenbuttonupshirt.jpg)
Tiny Badger: Which one is the most likely to make Richie think I’m hot?
Bill: njhbahsjka eddie
Tiny Badger: Stop laughing and answer the question. Do you know how embarrassing this is for me? Because it’s very embarrassing
Bill: I personally think you look the nicest in the dark green shirt
Tiny Badger: Yes, but I need to look Hot not just Nice
Bill: njkwdfnaskj eddie you’re so gay
Bill: but fine you also look the hottest in that one
Tiny Badger: Thank you
Tiny Badger: Actually wait I have another one that might be better!!
Bill: lmao ur so excited
Tiny Badger: I know it’s not a date but when I went in Richie’s room to ask him what I should wear he said “If you’re gonna act like this every time I decide to take you out somewhere, I’m gonna start doing it more often”
Tiny Badger: He’s going to murder me ugh
Bill: maybe it is a date
Tiny Badger: It’s not
Tiny Badger: I said to him “I could’ve had a date or something” and he just said “Well now you have to hang out with me so sorry if you did”
Bill: maybe he wants it to be a date
Tiny Badger: I doubt it
Tiny Badger: He probably just wants to annoy me
Bill: maybe you should go on a date to see if he gets jealous lmao
Tiny Badger: Hm
Bill: wait no I was joking
Tiny Badger: Hmm
Bill: please don’t do that
Tiny Badger: Or maybe I could go on a date to get over Richie since he’ll never love me back and I’ll be lonely forever
Bill: he might dude!!
Bill: don’t go on a date!!
Tiny Badger: I just hate feeling like this
Tiny Badger: I’ve been in love with him for a long fucking time and I feel like he can tell
Tiny Badger: But he hasn’t said anything so he must not feel the same way
Bill: im sure he does!! :)
Bill: what was the other shirt?
Tiny Badger: Oh right!
Tiny Badger: (eddieindarkredbuttonup.jpg)
Bill: actually go with that one!!
Bill: and leave the first top two unbuttoned
Tiny Badger: Alright thank you!!
Tiny Badger: I’m gonna leave my clothes on my bed, eat lunch with Rich, send some work emails, shower, and get ready. Wish me luck for tonight!
Bill: alright!! good luck!!
“Operation Reddie”
May 18th 12:23 pm
Bill: okay gays and ben
Bill: is this a date??
Sheep Boy: jury says
Sheep Boy: yes 100% this is absolutely a date
Sheep Boy: even if I still think they’re together
Benji: I hope they are so they aren’t actually sad and pining :’(
Ember: richie says it’s not a romantic date but like it’s a friend date
Ember: we ended up talking on the phone for a while!!
Ember: I also got to say hi to eddie!! his voice is high and cute lmao
Ember: anyways he Wants it to be a date he’s just stubborn
Bill: well now I wanna talk to eddie on the phone wtf
Bill: but he wants it to be a date too
Bill: and he said he might go on a date to get over richie
Bill: which is bad because richie is also pining over eddie
Ember: ben hun can we Please say something
Benji: It might be a bad idea :(
Sheep Boy: and besides we still haven’t met in person yet
Ember: stan talk about ur date in the gc
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 18th 12:29 pm
Hawkeye (caw caw): How are you supposed to act on a date?
Hawkeye (caw caw): Mine is tomorrow but I haven’t actually been on one.
Tiny Badger: Oh it’s your first date?? You kinda just hang out, talk about important issues to see if you all agree, and see if you’ll like each other romantically!
Dick: yeah like which shrek movie is the best
Tiny Badger: Stfu Richie
Tiny Badger: Talk about your interests
Hawkeye (caw caw): Like birdwatching and puzzles?
Dick: I stg ur 99
Tiny Badger: Richie literally shut up stop calling Stan old
Hawkeye (caw caw): I know she like birds too.
Tiny Badger: Good!
Dick: try to impress her by getting a skateboard and trying a kickflip
Tiny Badger: Don’t do that. Richie did that in eighth grade and he broke his wrist
Sheep Boy: lmao who were you trying to impress
Tiny Badger: Wait Richie I wanna know that too. Who tf were you trying to impress?
Tiny Badger: Because you told me you were trying to impress Wendy Prescott because you liked her
Tiny Badger: But you’re gay
Dick: uh
Dick: no one
Ember: lmao
Bill: richie
Benji: Oh wow
Hawkeye (caw caw): You aren’t good at trying to play things cool.
Tiny Badger: Who the fuck was it??
Dick: uhh
Tiny Badger: Wait
Dick: hahahaha wait what
Tiny Badger: Oh my god Richie
Tiny Badger: Answer my question truthfully
Tiny Badger: Were you fucking trying to impress Frankie Jones?
Dick: uhh okay yeah sure
Dick: that’s who I liked
Ember: mskdhjdksa who is that
Tiny Badger: He was in our class and he was not only on the chess team, but he was the president of it
Sheep Boy: richie why did you skateboard to impress him?
Tiny Badger: One time we happened to sit near him at lunch and he was talking about how skateboarding was really cool
Dick: then we talked about it, and you said you agreed with him
Ember: lmao okay I see now
Dick: shut up bev
Tiny Badger: I just don’t see how you could like him???
Tiny Badger: He was such a fucking dweeb
Dick: oh yeah and mr. fannypack over here was So Cool chilling with the popular kids
Bill: EDDIE HAD A FUCKING FANNYPACK???
Ember: do you have pictures????
Sheep Boy: god pls have pictures!!
Tiny Badger: I never said that I wasn’t a dweeb, I’m aware of my place, but fucking Frankie??
Dick: what can I say im a sucker for dweebs lmao they’re my type
Tiny Badger: Rich I swear you could do so much better
Dick: relax dude I don’t like him now lol
Benji: Richie, do you have pictures of Eddie in a fannypack??
Dick: yeah I have some polaroid’s and they’re Great
Tiny Badger: Burn them
Sheep Boy: please send them eventually
Dick: maybe after our next family visit
Ember: soft~~~
Ember: richie, have you ever been in a relationship?
Dick: haha uh
Tiny Badger: Oh Fucking Boy
Hawkeye (caw caw): Oh no, please, not this again. I’m begging you.
Sheep Boy: im sensing some tension
Dick: ive only really been in one relationship and that was a year after we first moved here
Tiny Badger: He sucked
Dick: eds u only met him Once
Tiny Badger: He was the fucking worst and I Hate him
Benji: Why?
Dick: he turned out to be kinda mean
Dick: not like abusive or anything like that
Dick: he was just kind of a dick in general
Tiny Badger: *Evil
Dick: he honestly wasn’t like the worst person ever or anything I stg
Dick: it only lasted two weeks
Dick: eddie’s just a dramatic bitch
Tiny Badger: I almost kicked his ass
Sheep Boy: why??
Bill: did u have a good reason?
Benji: I’m sure he did!!
Tiny Badger: I took him out to lunch so I could get to know him better and he was rude to our waitress then didn’t want to tip her
Tiny Badger: When I asked about him and Richie, he seemed nonchalant and disinterested in talking about him
Tiny Badger: That was when I almost kicked his ass
Ember: aww that’s sweet
Benji: Eddie loves Richie!! <3
Tiny Badger: Wrong
Tiny Badger: I Tolerate him
Dick: love you too babe
Tiny Badger: Ugh
Tiny Badger: Anyways, Stan, don’t try to impress her with a skateboard or else you’ll get hurt and someone will have to help you
Sheep Boy: who are you going on a date with?
Hawkeye (caw caw): She’s a friend from school, I met her last year in a science class.
Hawkeye (caw caw): We’re going to have lunch in the park and watch birds.
Hawkeye (caw caw): I’m actually really excited about it.
Benji: It’ll be great!!
Ember: compliment her outfit!!
Tiny Badger: Let us know how it goes so I can live through you! It’s been so long since I’ve been on a date!
Sheep Boy: lmao someone take eddie on a date 2020
Ember: eddie are you free next Friday? Ben and I are going on a date and we’ll bring you
Benji: We’re going to the zoo and then the movies!! It’ll be really fun!!
Tiny Badger: That’s sadder than going on no dates
Bill: ill take you on a date lmao
Sheep Boy: I will too lol
Hawkeye (caw caw): I’ll take you on a date if it doesn’t work out tomorrow.
Ember: group date where it’s just all of us taking eddie on a date lmao
Dick: no <3
Tiny Badger: Why not
Dick: do u want to?
Tiny Badger: No
Tiny Badger: But you didn’t know that
Dick: but I literally did lmao
Sheep Boy: why haven’t you been on dates recently? Not looking for a relationship like me?
Tiny Badger: Just haven’t met anyone
Sheep Boy: you’ll find a guy
Ember: yeah!! ur a cutie!!!
Dick: don’t I fucking know it
Dick: imagine living with him and waking up to him making coffee with bedhead
Tiny Badger: You’ll probably be the Only Person to experience that
Tiny Badger: So I guess I’m glad you enjoy it
Dick: oh worm?
Tiny Badger: No one will date me so I’ll never move in with someone else
Sheep Boy: what if someone starts dating richie and wants to live with him?
Tiny Badger: Then I guess I’ll move and live alone
Dick: lmao bitch what??
Dick: in ur dreams!! Ur fucking stuck with me
Hawkeye (caw caw): Eddie, why wouldn’t anyone date you?
Tiny Badger: Why would they?
Tiny Badger: I’m a neurotic germaphobe who has paranoia and anxiety due to my emotionally abusive mother’s parenting skills, not to mention how stubborn I am. There’s also how irritating I can get after you spend more than 5 minutes with me.
Tiny Badger: All of that, combined with the body of a 10th grader, doesn’t exactly scream “I’m boyfriend material!” to any potential guys out there.
Ember: oh eddie :(
Benji: Eddie, we think you’re awesome!
Bill: you’re great!!
Sheep Boy: and really funny!!
Hawkeye (caw caw): You really are.
Dick: hey eddie can you come to my room really quick?
Tiny Badger: Alright
Tiny Badger: I’ll be there soon
“Operation Reddie”
May 18th 1:02 pm
Ember: alright bill/stan wtf happened
Bill: why are you asking us?
Hawkeye (caw caw): We’re the closest to him out of everyone in this specific group chat.
Sheep Boy: I hope he’s okay
Benji: He hasn’t burst out like that before. Has he been more upset recently?
Bill: maybe it’s because they’re going out on a Not Date and all of the talk about relationships made him sad because he really likes richie and feels like he’ll never get to be with him, you know?
Hawkeye (caw caw): Plus, Richie talked a bit about impressing that one guy because he liked him. That probably hurt to think about. Even if it’s obvious he just wanted to impress Eddie.
Benji: Alright if they don’t say they’re together by tomorrow, we should start coming up with a plan to get them together this summer
Ember: Y E S
Hawkeye (caw caw): How do we even start?
Sheep Boy: it shouldn’t be too hard. I think the first step is to just keep hyping the two of them up to make a move
Bill: I think we should set some rules of what we Shouldn’t do
Hawkeye (caw caw): Agreed. I don’t think we should do anything that involves dates or jealously. It works in the movies, but it could realistically delay the process and make them understandably mad at us.
Ember: like no fake attempts to set them up with other people?
Hawkeye (caw caw): As of now, no.
Benji: Where are we on terms of talking about relationships in the main gc? Because Eddie seemed really upset
Sheep Boy: I think that talking about them should be fine, just maybe not digging too deep with specifically eddie being in relationships
Bill: like mike said, it shouldn’t be too hard. if they aren’t dating, they do at least both like each other. we mainly just have to make sure neither of them start to date or get over the other
Benji: Which considering how long they’ve been in love I don’t think that would happen suddenly out of nowhere
Ember: I have a really good feeling about this
Hawkeye (caw caw): I just hope everything works out.
“Tiny Badger”
May 18th 1:47 pm
Bill: hey eddie is everything alright?
Bill: are you okay?
Tiny Badger: Hey
Tiny Badger: I’m alright
Tiny Badger: I’m really sorry about earlier
Bill: dude its cool! Im glad you’re okay
Bill: what happened?
Tiny Badger: I guess talking about everything kinda got to me. It’s not that I’m bitter that Richie doesn’t like me back or anything like that, it just kinda sucks sometimes? And then Richie called me to his room so we could talk about my mom a bit and it was a rare moment of vulnerability between us. He pretty much said that he’ll never find someone so I’m stuck with him until I decide otherwise
Tiny Badger: I’m just feeling embarrassed because I pulled that shit in the group chat and I Hate Talking About My Sad Feelings because it just makes me Uncomfortable and I’m more comfortable being Angry than Sad which also isn’t Healthy
Tiny Badger: Can I talk to you about this? And keep it a secret?
Bill: Yeah dude of course I won’t tell anyone
Tiny Badger: So okay like my mom? Fucking crazy and she would always make me believe that I was sick and weak and everything. For 15 years I thought I had fucking asthma and heart and skin problems and shit. Lots of placebos that I had to take every day and most of them at least twice. Every time I would actually get the slightest bit sick or hurt, she would make me stay home for a long while and I wouldn’t be able to leave or sometimes go to school and I was never allowed to see Richie. She just wanted to control me and shit and sometimes it’s fine and sometimes I’m fine but sometimes I just want to scream and I don’t know how to get better and I wonder if she was right
Bill: holy shit eddie she wasn’t right at all
Tiny Badger: I know that most of the time. It just pisses me off that she still has an effect on me and sometimes I just can’t stand it
Tiny Badger: At the same time though, I’m like, “Well, at least she didn’t fucking hit me! All I had to deal with were fake pills and her being overbearing!” but obviously that’s not all I had to deal with because it’s still fucking me up today
Tiny Badger: Not to mention all the fucking weird subtly homophobic shit she would say to me and how she would always try to get me to stay away from Richie
Bill: eddie im so sorry that you had to go through all that
Bill: that’s fucking awful
Bill: I couldn’t imagine it
Tiny Badger: You wanna know the worst part?
Tiny Badger: It’s easy to blame every bad thing about me on her, but what if one day I get better, and still no one wants me? What if I’m the exact same asshole as before?
Bill: I understand where you’re coming from, but we all like you! We all think you’re funny and helpful and cool! And I know that it’s not the same, but you’re an awesome guy and we’re happy we know you!
Tiny Badger: It’s just frustrating because it’s been four years and I’m still not over it and I don’t know if I ever will be. And I don’t like talking about it because I don’t want people still seeing me as weak after 18 goddamn years of that shit.
Bill: I think you’re super fucking strong dude
Tiny Badger: Thanks
Bill: like you started working and saving money at 15, keeping half of every paycheck you got in a secret bank account. You and richie got him emancipated so it would be easier to rent an apartment, all while you had to live with her and pretend that everything was fine! That’s super brave
Tiny Badger: Thanks, really. It’s the mentality of “other people have it worse so I shouldn’t complain” and I’m trying to get over it, honest
Bill: is there anything I can do to help?
Tiny Badger: I mean you just being here is nice. I won’t always talk about this kinda stuff. Unless you don’t want to talk to me, then I’ll shut up.
Bill: eddie I like talking to you. You’re funny and cool and you’re my friend
Tiny Badger: I am?
Bill: yeah dude of course you are
Tiny Badger: Oh. Cool
Tiny Badger: You’re my friend too
Tiny Badger: I’m not good at this sort of thing.
Bill: lmao it’s fine
Bill: are you feeling better?
Tiny Badger: Yeah, thanks
Tiny Badger: Talking about it actually kinda helped
Bill: im always here if you need someone to talk to. About anything
Tiny Badger: Thanks Bill, I’m here for you too
Tiny Badger: I’m finally gonna shower now. Thanks again. I’m just gonna focus on tonight and try to have fun
Bill: alright, I hope you do!!
“Operation Reddie”
May 18th 2:00 pm
Bill: okay im not going into it because he asked me not to
Bill: all im gonna say is his mom sucked and it can be hard for him
Ember: how bad was she?
Bill: pretty bad
Sheep Boy: is he feeling better?
Bill: yeah. he’s gonna focus on tonight so he can have fun
Hawkeye (caw caw): I’m glad he feels better.
Benji: Poor Eddie :(
“Tall Gay”
May 18th 2:05 pm
Tall Gay: god I love him so much this is Killing me
Bev: is he alright?
Tall Gay: he is now
Tall Gay: I fucking hate his mom
Tall Gay: most of the time he’s fine but sometimes
Tall Gay: im not going into it but sometimes he forgets how strong he is
Bev: do you think it’d help if I talked to him? I had a really shitty dad so maybe it would help him remember that he isn’t alone
Tall Gay: maybe try? Im there for him and I know what she’s done but I can’t relate and maybe that’s what he needs?
Tall Gay: he’s taking a shower right now so he’s gonna get dressed after that
Bev: what’s he gonna wear?
Tall Gay: I have no idea but I’m sure it’s cute and he’s cute and I love him
Tall Gay: god he wants to Kill me
Bev: aww you’re so gay lmao
Tall Gay: don’t I fucking know it
Bev: are you getting ready?
Tall Gay: haha no
Tall Gay: we’re leaving at 5:15 so im getting ready at 5
Bev: lmao eddie’s gonna be so annoyed
Tall Gay: haha yeah
Tall Gay: he’s gonna fucking love tonight
Bev: and you’re not telling him you love him?
Tall Gay: nope
Tall Gay: even if I was going to, I wouldn’t do it tonight. If he rejected me, I don’t want the memories of tonight to be ruined
Bev: makes sense
Bev: okay I have some work to do, so im gonna go. Good luck!!!!
Tall Gay: thanks!!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 18th 5:27 pm
Eddie: Hey guys
Stan: Eddie, are you alright?
Ben: Are you feeling okay now?
Eddie: Yeah, just kinda embarrassed. I’m sorry about earlier
Mike: it’s okay!! We’re all here for you!!
Bev: whenever you need to talk, we’re here
Eddie: Thanks guys
Eddie: Bev, did Richie tell you where we’re going?
Bev: lmao no he told me I would find out after you
Eddie: Dammit
Mike: are yall on your way to the surprise haha
Eddie: Yes
Eddie: (richieindriversseatwearingthedarkblueshirt.jpg)
Eddie: He wore my favorite shirt :)
Bev: aww it must be a special night
Stan: Wow, Eddie, it is a nice shirt. You were right.
Eddie: Thank you!! I’m really happy he wore it!! He looks so nice in it
Eddie: “Wow Stan stop flirting with me, Eds might get jealous” ~Richie
Eddie: I’m murdering him :)
Stan: I’m not even dignifying that with a response.
Bev: njsknfaskjf richie
Mike: where’s the surprise?
Eddie: I don’t know but it’s fucking three hours away
Ben: That’s so far away!
Eddie: I know
Eddie: (richiesingingbadlyincar.mov)
Eddie: Look at this dumbass :)
Stan: He’s singing like that on purpose, right?
Eddie: Yeah haha
Mike: aww eddie’s so happy
Eddie: Maybe
Eddie: (blurrycowsinfield.jpg)
Eddie: “Cows!” ~Richie
Mike: cows!
Bev: cows!
Bill: cows!
Ben: Cows!
Stan: Cows!
Eddie: We just passed a billboard that said God Is Waiting bhjfbasj
Bev: mnknasjknd why are religious billboards so ominous
Stan: KMDSKJCNVKSJ
Bev: Stan???? Are you okay?????
Stan: THERE’S A NJRE ODNAJNE
Bill: Stan????
Stan: (blurrybirdonstansarm.jpg)
Stan: THERE’S A BIRD ON ME
Stan: I’VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER
Mike: stan that’s so cute
Stan: I KNOW SHE’S A CARDNIAL
Stan: KMKLSDMDFKLS
Mike: I was talking about you lmao
Stan: (birdonhisshoulder.jpg)
Bev: omg you look so happy
Eddie: This is so sweet!!
Bill: aww your smile is so big
Stan: I love birds so much!!!! nNJANKD
Stan: (blurrydifferentbirdonhisknee.jpg)
Stan: NAOTHER ONE
Eddie: Richie says he’s really happy for you
Ben: Stan deserves this :)
Stan: Okay they left. I loved them so much. This has been the greatest day of my life.
Bill: That’s so sweet omg
Bev: I love stan so much holy shit
Stan: I’ve never had a bird land on me before, much less two birds!
Mike: you’ll have to tell your date about it tomorrow!!
Stan: I will, I think she’ll think be interested!
Bev: whats she like??
Stan: Her name is Patty and she’s really nice. We go to the same college and we’re partners in our lab. She kinda decided we were friends on the first day last year because she saw a bird pin on my backpack and then she started talking to me. It took me a while to get comfortable, but she was always friendly and patient.
Stan: I just don’t want to mess things up. I really like her.
Ben: I know that it can be scary, but she’s a good person, right?
Stan: The best.
Ben: Then even if something goes wrong, it shouldn’t be ruined forever. Relationships are about communicating and understanding
Bev: when I decided to tell Ben I liked him, it was awful, and I even knew that he liked me too. Taking the chance to be vulnerable and letting another person have the chance to hurt you is terrifying, but you can’t let fear stop you from having happiness
Stan: Thanks, that’s really helpful! :)
Eddie: I hope everything goes well tomorrow!!
Stan: Thanks, me too. I’m so nervous. Has Richie told you the surprise yet?
Eddie: He says that I’ll find out when we get there
Eddie: He’s going to Kill me ughhh he’s being so cute
Eddie: Wait
Eddie: He’s singing all badly because he doesn’t want me to film him because he’s shy
Eddie: That’s what I mean
“Bill”
May 18th 5:30 pm
Eddie: Fuck I meant to send that to you help me backtrack
Bill: lmao okay
“Hell on Screen ; )”
May 18th 5:30 pm
Bill: haha richie being embarrassed over his singing is so cute
Eddie: Haha yeah he’s such a loser
Bev: god a mood
Mike: fucking same
Stan: Are we all losers?
Bill: 100%
Ben: Bev I don’t think you’re a loser
Bev: lmao ben ur so sweet and cute
Bill: he thinks the rest of us are losers but not bev
Stan: Which is honestly fair, Bev is the coolest one out of the seven of us.
Ben: Wait no I’m sorry :(
Eddie: Why are you booing him, he’s right
Mike: what’s the order of how cool we are?
Eddie: From most to least cool:
Eddie: Bev, Bill, Mike, Ben, Stan, Me, Richie
Bill: lmao you’re so fucking sure of it
Eddie: Richie would like me to add that he thinks he’s the coolest
Bev: he is wrong
Eddie: (richieflippingoffthecamera.jpg)
Bev: lmao both hands on the wheel bitch
Stan: That’s so dangerous, Richie.
Eddie: I told him. I asked if I could drive but he said no
Mike: do you think the surprise is him murdering you
Eddie: No, he wouldn’t survive without me
Eddie: He stuck his tongue out at me lol
Bev: lmao are reading the chat to him again
Eddie: Yeah
Bev: did you read him about you calling him cute lmao
Eddie: Nope and he won’t bother scrolling up to read so he won’t know about that
Bill: we could tell him
Eddie: I’ll be deleting the messages from his phone
Eddie: He can’t know I don’t hate him
Ben: But you live with him
Mike: and you raise a cat together
Stan: Not to mention the other times you’ve called him cute.
Eddie: You have no proof of that
Bev: richie’s gonna see this and be so suspicious lmao
Eddie: Actually he won’t because I’m deleting the messages from his phone :)
Eddie: And you all won’t be telling him
Eddie: Or else
Stan: Is he suspicious that you’re messaging but not telling him what’s happening?
Eddie: I’m distracting him by bugging him about the surprise and by playing music he likes, so I don’t think he cares
Ben: How’s the ride been so far?
Eddie: It’s been fine, I usually fucking hate long car rides, but Richie can make them kinda tolerable sometimes
Mike: aww that’s sweet
Eddie: But he’s also really annoying and we argue a lot
Eddie: Richie says that I’m more annoying but he’s Wrong
Stan: If it helps, I think you’re both equally annoying.
Eddie: Fight me Stan
Bev: lmao holy shit stan
Bill: how often do yall argue
Eddie: Numerous time a day
Stan: They never stop. The walls are thinner than they need to be, so I hear it a lot. It’s awful.
Mike: nskfdksm what do yall argue about
Eddie: Literally everything
Eddie: He never shuts up about anything
Eddie: “You’re one to talk” ~Richie
Stan: What a pair. You’d make a great superhero dream team.
Eddie: We’d be great superheroes
Bev: what would your superpowers be
Eddie: We wouldn’t have superpowers. We would just go to the villains and annoy them until they either surrender or decide to kill us
Ben: Aww I don’t think you all are annoying!
Eddie: No, we are
Eddie: He’s more annoying, but we’re both the worst
Stan: Not the worst. You all can be entertaining.
Bev: njkdnas stan likes you all right??
Stan: I do.
Eddie: Thanks Stan we like you too
Bill: guys,,, I have news,,,, the mold is back
Mike: bill I stg I told you to call someone
Eddie: Bill why
Ben: I’m sorry Bill :(
Ben: Do you need help with it?
Bill: yes fucking rip
Ben: You live in Derry, right?
Bill: yeah
Ben: Bev and I live two hours away. I could probably make sure it doesn’t come back
Bill: wait really??
Mike: wait I wanna meet Ben too
Bev: wait I wanna come!!
Ben: Yeah, I could totally help out!
Bill: njfdjsa yes please do!!
Stan: Please send us all pictures when you all meet!
Eddie: Fucking yes send pics!!!
Bill: ben ill send you my address and we’ll make a plan separately!!
Bev: omg im so excited!!!
Mike: me too!!
May 18th 8:10 pm
Eddie: (selfieofrichieandeddiesmiling.jpg)
Eddie: I’m obligated to say that Richie is the best and I love him
Richard: hey guys lmao
Richard: love you too eddie spaghetti haha
Bev: oh worm??
Mike: are you at the surprise??
Richard: yeah
Eddie: It’s a showing of Dirty Dancing at a drive-in!!!
Ben: Nsnjdnsk that’s Such a Good Movie!!
Eddie: I know!!!
Richard: mom told me about how it was gonna play here and I knew I had to surprise eds with it
Stanley: Wow, Richie, that’s such a meaningful thing to do for Eddie.
Richard: I just know how much he loves it so there’s no reason for me not to
Richard: we got here Super Early lmao
Eddie: It’s still pretty light out and almost no one’s here
Richard: which eddie loves
Bev: aww that’s so cute
Ben: This is really sweet :)
Bill: richie’s so caring
Mike: how long have you been planning for this?
Richard: she told me about it last time we went to dinner there, so four days
Stanley: It feels much longer than four days.
Bev: wait why haven’t yall been Working
Bev: other than when richie was sick ofc
Eddie: Richie has been some, but the school I work at has been closed for a few weeks
Eddie: There was a serious fucking rat infestation that still hasn’t been fixed
Eddie: The last day was supposed to be June 9th but my bosses have been talking about giving the kids the end of year tests in a separate building and then just ending it
Mike: how did the rats get in??
Eddie: They chewed their way in from the basement and stayed there for a while without doing any harm but then they had babies and now there are more and they left the basement
Eddie: It’s their school now
Bev: nakmnaks im happy for them
Eddie: I’m not, I have to work from home without getting paid
Ben: That sucks, I’m sorry :(
Mike: why??
Eddie: I’m only a teacher’s assistant, that’s one reason why I signed up to be a camp counselor. This was my second year with an official adult job. I want to be a teacher, but I need more experience
Richard: im so proud of my lame-ass husband
Eddie: We’re still not fucking married Rich
Richard: does that imply we will get married??
Stanley: I’m going with yes.
Mike: cant wait for their wedding lol
Eddie: It doesn’t imply that. I’m not getting married to anyone unless we’ve been dating for 5 years and have been living together for two
Ben: That’s so specific
Richard: okay but we’ve been friends for 18 years and have lived together for four so I think that should count
Eddie: Why? You wanna marry me?
Richard: hell yeah dude let’s get fucking married
Bev: oh shit are yall engaged now lol
Richard: eds are we engaged??
Eddie: Oh look the movie’s starting
Richard: no its not
“Operation Reddie”
May 18th 8:25 pm
Mike: if they aren’t dating, I’m going to scream
Bev: it’s just sad at this point
Bill: they need to just talk because this is ridiculous
Stanley: Try living next to them. They’re awful.
Mike: and they do for sure both like each other?
Bill: very much so
Ben: How long have they known they liked the other?
Bill: eddie realized while he was dating one girl whose name I forgot
Bev: richie realized when he was 11
Stanley: They’re Disaster Gays.
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 18th 8:27 pm
Mike: I hope you all have a fun time!
Eddie: Thank you! I’m really excited!
Richard: im gonna have to surprise eduardo more often
Richard: ill surprise him with a proposal next lol
Eddie: You’re literally so obnoxious
Eddie: That’s not my fucking name
Richard: (eddielayinghisheadonrichiesshoulder.jpg)
Eddie: Bitch you told me you weren’t sending that to the group chat
Richard: you were too cute not to lmao
Bill: that’s such a cute fucking picture holy shit
Ben: You guys look so sweet!!
Bev: gay
Eddie: Yes but separately
Richard: wow love you too
Richard: “god I obviously love you, I wouldn’t be laying my head on your shoulder if I didn’t you fucking asshole” says eddie spaghetti lmao
Eddie: Stfu I said that out loud for a reason Dumbass
Mike: yall are Soft tonight
Bev: love this content, give us more
Stanley: I don’t know what’s worse, them arguing or them flirting.
Eddie: NKMDSNFAK
Richard: uhhhh flirting??? In My wholesome group chat???
Richard: not on my watch mdsklad hahahhah
“Operation Reddie”
May 18th 8:34 pm
Stanley: I seem to have made a mistake.
Stanley: That was meant for this group chat.
Bev: nkasnfn stan
Bill: good job stan
Stanley: My bad.
Ben: It’s okay Stan we forgive you
Mike: tbh I was expecting bill to accidentally message the main group chat
Bill: thanks pal
Mike: no problem bud
Bev: should we change the subject?
Bill: maybe not yet
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 18th 8:38 pm
Bev: this group chat is not wholesome
Bill: does this mean we can flirt now
Eddie: Nkndajksnda who do you want to flirt with
Bill: idk just seeing if it was allowed
Richard: yes
Stanley: Please nobody flirt with me.
Mike: haha or me
Bill: who here even wants to be flirted with lmao
Bev: im okay with ben flirting with me and ben alone
Bev: or eddie, eddie’s a cutie
Bev: no hetero njkndjfn
Ben: Eddie please don’t steal my girlfriend
Eddie: Jnmasdnkas I won’t
Richard: bev don’t steal my fiancé
Eddie: Ugh we aren’t even engaged
Bev: why not
Eddie: Because I don’t marry guys who fall into sewers or dumpsters
Richard: don’t forget you came after me
Bill: would you jump into a sewer for any of us?
Eddie: I wouldn’t jump into a sewer for anyone
Bev: except richie njfnksnjsd
Eddie: That’s different
Richard: lol how
Eddie: You’re you
Eddie: Alright the commercials started, I’m turning my phone off so it doesn’t distract me, I’ll message after
Richard: me too or else eds will bitch
“Operation Reddie”
May 18th 8:46 pm
Bill: “That’s different”
Mike: “lol how”
Bill: “You’re you”
Bev: lmao I think he’s trying to kill richie
Ben: That’s so sweet :’)
Mike: how tf are they not dating??
Stanley: They’re both dumbasses.
Bill: self-esteem issues preventing them from realizing the one person they love likes them back, so they don’t think they can easily be happy?
Bill: or yeah what stan said
Stanley: It’s both.
Bev: hell yeah analyze those bitches
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 18th 10:16 pm
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Thank you again to Richie for taking me to see Dirty Dancing
Trashmouth: ur welcome babe
Micycle: how was the movie
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Amazing
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Patrick Swayze’s abs on the big screen were great too
Trashmouth: they sure were there
Staniella: Please do not start arguing over his abs again.
The One (1) Girl: nkmndsksj what
Staniella: I’m aware of almost every time they watch Dirty Dancing, because almost every time they watch it, they argue over Patrick Swayze’s abs.
Staniella: And like I’ve said, the walls are thin.
Trashmouth: that’s because abs are overrated
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Richie’s jealous of his abs
Trashmouth: I am Not
Benjamin Button: I mean, he does have nice abs
Trashmouth: I like jennifer grey more
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You don’t like women in that way though
Trashmouth: quick every bisexual person!! who do you prefer, lame patrick Swayze (eddie’s choice) or Goddess Jennifer Grey (my choice that eddie hates)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: How dare you imply I don’t think Jennifer Grey is a goddess
Staniella: Depends on how I’m feeling.
The One (1) Girl: Both. Both are good.
Billiam: Patrick Swayze
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Ha!
Trashmouth: ben!!
Benjamin Button: Jennifer Grey is nicer. But he has Great abs
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Mike, you like Patrick Swayze, right??
Micycle: I actually like the dad more njknaskjd
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Wow okay was Not expecting that
Trashmouth: mike ur so valid
Micycle: thank you lmao
Micycle: are you all going home or did you get a hotel?
Trashmouth: we got a hotel
Trashmouth: (eddielayingonbed.jpg)
Trashmouth: look at him!! <3
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He packed an overnight bag for me :)
The One (1) Girl: aww cute
Benjamin Button: They’re so sweet
Staniella: Maybe since they’re gone, I’ll get some peace and quiet.
The One (1) Girl: what about your parents?
Staniella: What about them?
The One (1) Girl: idk I guess I just assumed you lived with them? do you not?
Staniella: Oh, I do, but they’re away this weekend. They’re visiting my aunt and uncle and looking for houses there.
Micycle: will you be moving with them??
Staniella: No, I like the apartment, and I have a job, so I can stay there and pay rent.
Staniella: They’re both planning on retiring soon, so they want an actual house.
Trashmouth: yeah stan gets to be our neighbor forever :)
Staniella: Not forever, but for a few more years, at least. I’ll probably have a family at some point and when I do, I’ll buy a house.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Hey Rich should we get a house at some point?
Trashmouth: do you want a house?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Idk maybe
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: It might be helpful, since our landlord only lets us have one pet and we were thinking about adopting another one
Trashmouth: true. shrek needs a sibling,
Trashmouth: if you want a house, ill get a full-time job somewhere to help pay for it
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Good to know. We should talk about that more eventually
The One (1) Girl: they’re being domestic again
Micycle: lmao do they ever stop
Billiam: in their defense most of the time they just purposefully annoy each other
Benjamin Button: But then they go right back to being domestic
Staniella: It’s a never-ending cycle.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Stop talking about us like we can’t read your messages
Trashmouth: yeah lol we’re right here
Micycle: LMAO WHAT
Micycle: wtf were you all Just Doing
Billiam: really yall have No Right to say that
Staniella: Your all’s conversations in this group chat could easily be said out loud between the two of you, but you message here anyway.
The One (1) Girl: not to say that it’s bad lmao
Benjamin Button: It’s sweet!
Trashmouth: eds they might be right
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Oh god they are
Benjamin Button: Are you all doing anything else tonight?
Trashmouth: just each other
Trashmouth: JKJKJKJKJKJKJK
Trashmouth: lmao the Glare that eds gave me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Bill why tf he is like this
Billiam: lmao did you mean to message me privately
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: …. Yes
Trashmouth: wow I see how it is
Trashmouth: talking about me behind my back to one of our friends
Trashmouth: I can’t believe you
The One (1) Girl: uh,,,,, bitch what
Staniella: The two of you are the most oblivious people alive. Why do I even bother?
Staniella: I’m going to bed since my date’s tomorrow. Goodnight.
The One (1) Girl: goodnight!! Good luck tomorrow!!
Micycle: gn from me and bill!!!
Benjamin Button: Goodnight Stan!!! I hope your date is awesome!!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Goodnight!! Let us know if you need anything!
Trashmouth: yeah lol like romantic tips on how to woo people and make them fall in love with you
Trashmouth: I mean maybe not me cuz I don’t know shit about that but you could ask eds lmao
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Who the hell have I made “fall in love” with me??
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: And Myra doesn’t count
Billiam: omg
Micycle: I understand why Stan went to bed now
Trashmouth: lmao you made bev fall in love with you
Benjamin Button: Nkjnandjkasnd
The One (1) Girl: I promise im not in love with eddie njkfnsas
Billiam: wow does anyone here need to confess their love lmao
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Haha nope
Trashmouth: what?? is love??? Idk that concept?? Lmao
The One (1) Girl: jesus fucking Christ okay
The One (1) Girl: goodnight everyone!
Billiam: gn!! Im going to bed too
Micycle: goodnight! Me too!
Benjamin Button: Goodnight everyone!!
Trashmouth: eds and I say goodnight!
“Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3”
May 18th 1:56 am
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Hey where the fuck are you?
Trashmouth: why tf are you awake??
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Why tf are you gone?
Trashmouth: I woke up and got hungry
Trashmouth: (richieatmcdonalds.jpg)
Trashmouth: I just got here lol
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Bitch why didn’t you ask if I wanted food
Trashmouth: because you would’ve yelled at me for waking you up and made me go back to sleep without eating
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Yeah but now I’m awake and lonely
Trashmouth: nksndf go back to sleep eds
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: No
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Did you take the car?
Trashmouth: nope why
Trashmouth: do u wanna come to the mcdonalds
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I mean now I’m hungry
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Where is it?
Trashmouth: lmao it’s down the street
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Why did you just walk? That’s so dangerous
Trashmouth: aww are u worried about me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You’re literally so annoying
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: This is totally going to fuck up my sleeping schedule
Trashmouth: you can always go back to sleep
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: No
Trashmouth: lmao alright
Trashmouth: don’t bitch at me for making you stay up though
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I don’t bitch at you
Trashmouth: LMAO WHAT
Trashmouth: yes you fucking do
Trashmouth: you practically never stop bitching at me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Well sorry I bother you so much
Trashmouth: eds I never said that you bother me
Trashmouth: I like it when you bitch at me
Trashmouth: its cute and you’re cute and it lets me know that you care about me
Trashmouth: please never stop bitching at me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m not cute, asshole
Trashmouth: lmao you read all of that and That’s what you took out of it
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I was driving
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I don’t hate it when you annoy me and call me Eds
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: That’s how you show you care
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: So I don’t hate it
Trashmouth: are we…... having a moment…?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: We were, and now it’s over
Trashmouth: rip
Trashmouth: but!! You like it when I call you eds
Trashmouth: that’s so embarrassing lmao
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Ugh shut the fuck up
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: I’m in the parking lot, I see you inside
Trashmouth: come in!!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 19th 2:24 am
Trashmouth: (eddieandrichieinmcdonalds.jpg)
Trashmouth: look at this cute ass loser
“Staniella”
May 19th 10:03 am
Staniella: Hey Richie, can I ask you for advice?
Trashmouth: oh hell yeah stan the man
Staniella: So, Patty’s my friend, right?
Trashmouth: yes
Staniella: Do you think that me going on this date with her is a good idea?
Trashmouth: if yall like each other then yeah ofc
Staniella: That’s interesting.
Staniella: Then why don’t you ask Eddie on a date?
Trashmouth: uhhhh hahahaha what????
Trashmouth: me??? like eddie spaghetti??? that’s crazy??
Trashmouth: who fucking told you
Staniella: Common sense, Richie.
Trashmouth: well it’s different with me and eds
Staniella: You’re right. You are both oblivious dumbasses who have been in love with each other for years.
Trashmouth: anyways what time is ur date
Staniella: In two hours. Which means I have plenty of time to call you a dumbass.
Trashmouth: wow this patty girl who likes you? What’s her type? Mean nerds?
Staniella: You’re one to talk. You’re in love with Eddie “Shut the fuck up, Richie, you’re literally so annoying” Kaspbrak.
Trashmouth: im telling him you called him that lol
Staniella: Do it. Take a screenshot and send it to him.
Trashmouth: no then he’ll know I like him
Staniella: You’re such an idiot.
Trashmouth: well ur friends with me so what does that say about you?
Staniella: I’m a very kind and patient person.
Trashmouth: LMAO BITCH WHAT
Staniella: Shut up. Why don’t you tell him?
Trashmouth: because he doesn’t like me
Staniella: Yes, he does, you’re just oblivious.
Trashmouth: ughh stop being a bev
Staniella: Why would telling him be so bad?
Trashmouth: we live together so if I tell him, things will be Especially awkward
Trashmouth: but if someone were to let me stay with them,,,,,, that might change
Staniella: Ugh, if I agree to let you stay with me if he doesn’t like you back, will you think about actually telling him?
Trashmouth: yes lol
Staniella: Then fine. I’m going to go get ready now. Think about it.
Trashmouth: alright stan the man!! Good luck on ur date!! Come by later so the three of us can gossip about it lmao
Staniella: Will Eddie make those cookies he made a few weeks ago?
Trashmouth: ill convince him
Staniella: Alright. Would 5:30 work?
Trashmouth: yes now go and have fun!!
Staniella: Alright, bye. I’ll see you later.
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 19th 5:03 pm
Micycle: okay really cute picture of you and eddie but unrelated
Micycle: if I have One more goat try to eat my pants I stg
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Njkndaskj Mike what
Micycle: I work at my parent’s farm, right? We have goats and I Love them but they keep trying to eat my pants and I need them to Stop
Benjamin Button: I’m really sorry Mike!!
Trashmouth: stop wearing pants then
The One (1) Girl: put hot sauce on your pants so the goats won’t eat them
Trashmouth: oh that’s a good idea too!!
Billiam: lmao those ideas are terrible
Trashmouth: do u have a better idea
Billiam: no but still
Benjamin Button: Have you asked your parents for help?
Micycle: I’ve looked up how to stop them but it hasn’t worked
Micycle: I’ve sprayed the goats with vinegar and water but they keep biting
Micycle: these goats are driving me crazy
The One (1) Girl: do u have any goat pictures to send??
Micycle: (goat.jpg)
Micycle: this is the biggest pants biter, Frog. She’s loud and angry
The One (1) Girl: I will Die for her
Trashmouth: I fu king love that goat holy shit
Benjamin Button: Frog is very cute!!!
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Why is her name Frog?
Billiam: he let my little brother, Georgie, name her
Billiam: and he thought it would be funny
Micycle: and it was
Micycle: Georgie is the funniest person alive and I love him
Trashmouth: excuse me
Trashmouth: what about me
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Christ
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Shut up Richie
The One (1) Girl: you’re funny sometimes
Trashmouth: BEVERLY
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Great, now he’s gonna bitch about this all day
Trashmouth: you know what
Trashmouth: I took a really cute picture of Shrek (the cat) but now im not gonna send it
The One (1) Girl: wait no ur hilarious
The One (1) Girl: send the cat pic
Trashmouth: wow I see how it is
Trashmouth: you only love me for my cat
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Mood
Trashmouth: EDDIE
Billiam: eddie why
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Lmao
Trashmouth: well now im never showing yall shrek
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (shrekthecat.jpg)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: This is Shrek Jennifer Tozier-Kaspbrak
Micycle: omg is that her full name?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Yes. I gave her the middle name of Jennifer, for Jennifer Grey
The One (1) Girl: I will also Die for Shrek
Benjamin Button: She’s so adorable!!!
Billiam: omg fluffy baby
Micycle: give her lots of pets and kisses please!!
Trashmouth: (eddieandshrekthecatcuddling.jpg)
Trashmouth: look at my husband and daughter <3
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Ugh you’re so annoying I’m not your husband
Benjamin Button: But she is your all’s daughter?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Of course she is
Trashmouth: we’re her dads
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Yeah. We aren’t married, we just co-parent her
The One (1) Girl: is stan still on his date?
Trashmouth: I think so
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: He’s supposed to come over at 5:30 so he better not be fucking late
Trashmouth: lmao eddie’s baking cookies so we can eat them and talk about the date
The One (1) Girl: wait I wanna join :(
Benjamin Button: Do you want me to buy some cookies before you come over later?
The One (1) Girl: omg yes pls
The One (1) Girl: thank you ben ur the best
Trashmouth: I have suddenly become heterophobic
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Bev isn’t even straight, asshole
The One (1) Girl: yeah wtf
Benjamin Button: Stop invalidating her sexuality :(
Trashmouth: im sorry bev ur not straight ur bi
The One (1) Girl: lmao thank u richie
“The One (1) Girl”
May 19th 5:14 pm
The One (1) Girl: stop attacking my relationship lol there are better things to do
The One (1) Girl: like get ur own relationship
The One (1) Girl: with eddie
Trashmouth: or maybe you can shut up :)
Trashmouth: wait sorry that sounded ruder than I meant it to
The One (1) Girl: njndjskfs
“Staniella”
May 19th 5:16 pm
Staniella: Can I come over now?
Trashmouth: yeah ofc did it go well??
Staniella: Well, I’m pretty sure I’m in love, so yes.
Trashmouth: NJNSKJADN okay stan come over
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 19th 5:22 pm
Trashmouth: LMAO hey guys
Staniella: Shut up.
The One (1) Girl: hi guys lol what’s with stan
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Njnkandas Stan
Staniella: Shut up, Eddie.
Trashmouth: tell everyone what you told us stan
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Yeah Stan tell everyone it’s hilarious
Staniella: Go to hell, Eddie.
Benjamin Button: Hi Stan!! How was your date?
Staniella: It was wonderful. She looked so, so pretty and was so nice.
Trashmouth: “at one point she picked a dandelion and tucked it behind my ear and I think I almost died” ~stan
Staniella: Shut the fuck up, Richard.
The One (1) Girl: aww stan that’s so adorable!!
Benjamin Button: Aww that’s how I feel with Bev 24/7
Staniella: How do you live? Because I spent five hours with Patty and I’m overwhelmed. She’s so perfect. I like her so much.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (blushingstan.jpg)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Guess who messaged him lol
Micycle: aww stan looks so smitten
Staniella: (blushingeddie.jpg)
Staniella: Guess who messaged him before I took the picture.
Trashmouth: who?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Stfu Stan. Go message Patty
Micycle: njdkanaskd
Trashmouth: was it me??
The One (1) Girl: I think so lmao
Benjamin Button: When was this??
Staniella: It was about a few months after they first moved in, and the two of us were doing laundry. Richie sent him a picture of himself in a nice, new button-up shirt and Eddie was happy and flushed the entire time afterwards.
Trashmouth: oh??? worm???
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Shut the fuck up Stan :)
Micycle: @everyone yall are adorable lol
Staniella: Patty keeps saying I’m cute and I’m panicking. What do I do?
Micycle: tell her “thanks” lmao
Micycle: then maybe compliment her
The One (1) Girl: send a picture of patty!! I wanna see her!!
Staniella: I’m gonna ask if it’s okay with her.
The One (1) Girl: nkjnsakj a respectful king
Billiam: hey guys lmao I just got home
Billiam: stan: king of consent
Staniella: I just want to be nice and make sure I don’t do anything she’s not okay with.
The One (1) Girl: mkjsandK we stan Stan
Staniella: (pattywithflowersinherhair.jpg)
Staniella: Isn’t she pretty? Her hair is so soft and her perfume smells like vanilla.
Trashmouth: stan is so in love lmao
The One (1) Girl: bitch what holy shit she’s so pretty!!!!
Benjamin Button: Her smile is so bright!!! And I really like her shirt!!
Billiam: omg patty is really beautiful!!
Micycle: every picture of people that has been sent in this group chat is literally so attractive?? Wtf???
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: (stantalkingonhisphone.jpg)
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Patty called him. Look how happy he looks
The One (1) Girl: give me more soft stan content
Benjamin Button: People have been so wholesome recently I love it :,)
Micycle: if only it were always like this
Billiam: but then we’d just be used to it so it wouldn’t be as sweet
Benjamin Button: Maybe. But at least it’s wholesome now :)
Trashmouth: hey eds you look so dumb rn
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: You’re one to talk fuckface
Billiam: alright wholesome moment over they’re back on their bullshit
Micycle: it was nice while it lasted
The One (1) Girl: lmao sorry ben
Benjamin Button: I’m honestly impressed it lasted that long
Staniella: Hey guys, I’m back. Patty just wanted to tell me that she had a great time today and she wants to do it again soon.
Micycle: stan that’s great!!! Do you think yall will be official soon?
Staniella: I hope so. I really like her.
Staniella: Have any of you ever met somebody who was just sunshine? They could walk in a room and everything immediately became better? That’s how I feel about her.
Benjamin Button: Yeah :)
The One (1) Girl: (benandbevcuddling.jpg)
The One (1) Girl: look at this fucking cutie holy shit
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Aww you all are sweet
Billiam: stan you’re so soft for patty omg
Micycle: stanpat 4 life
Trashmouth: stan tell everyone what you told us earlier
Staniella: No.
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: “Every time I look at her, I swear I hear a choir singing”
Staniella: Perish.
Trashmouth: njnjksdnak
Micycle: wow ben and stan are the Softest people in this gc
Billiam: they’re the most wholesome
Staniella: I am not.
Trashmouth: (stanandeddieattablewithcookies.jpg)
Trashmouth: look at my husband and our son
Staniella: How do you live with him, Eddie?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Sometimes he’s quiet
The One (1) Girl: nmjkadsn when
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: When he’s asleep
Trashmouth: wow I am hurt
Trashmouth: not only hurt
Trashmouth: I’m actually deeply wounded
Staniella: (richiegrinningatphone.jpg)
Staniella: This is not the face of someone who is deeply wounded, Richie.
Micycle: exposed: richie likes it when eddie’s mean to him
Trashmouth: hell yeah I do that’s my kink
Billiam: please say sike rn
The One (1) Girl: I mean eddie apparently knows his kinks so….
The One (1) Girl: care to share your opinion?
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: No comment
Micycle: welp we know now
Benjamin Button: Oh to see without my eyes
Staniella: I hate it here. I actually hate it here.
Trashmouth: lmao Actually my kink is a well-adjusted, healthy, long-term relationship with communication and boundaries that we both respect
Trashmouth: you absolute sickos
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: When have you ever had one of those?
Micycle: holy shit eddie isn’t here to fucking play lmao
Trashmouth: I had one with your mom lol
Mr. Eddie Spaghetti Tozier <3: Wow. You’re so funny. An Absolute Comedian.
“Operation Reddie”
May 19th 7:55 pm
Stanley: I have been here for a few hours and only now is Richie is begging Eddie for attention. I’m surprised it took him this long.
Stanley: (richieannoyingeddie.mov)
Bev: nkjdnaksdnsa why does richie keep pinching his cheek
Stanley: It’s what he does when he wants Eddie to lecture him. He loves it.
Bill: oh I hate what that implies every time they pull that shit in the gc
Ben: I’m sorry you have to deal with that a lot!!
Stanley: It’s fine, I’m leaving now anyways. I refuse to deal with their shit.
Mike: why are they Like This
Stanley: Because they’re the dumbass dream team.
Ben: I think they’re sweet
Stanley: I thought so too, when they first moved in next to us. Now we’ve been neighbors and friends for four years and I want to strangle them both.
Bill: who would you strangle first
Stanley: Eddie.
Bev: njknmksadj why
Stanley: If I strangled Richie first, Eddie would get all angry and feral and would probably just kill me right then. But if I strangled Eddie first, Richie would just get all sad and cry over his body while I killed him.
Mike: should we be concerned with the amount of thought you’ve put into this?
Bill: lmao yeah you already had your answer and everything
Stanley: No, it’s just a hypothetical situation. I wouldn’t actually kill them.
Stanley: Even if their arguing is way too loud and makes it hard to sleep sometimes.
Stanley: My family is pretty quiet, so they keep forgetting how thin the walls are.
Bev: sorry stan but if they end up dead we’re gonna know who did it lmao
Ben: Please don’t kill them!! :(
Stanley: I’m not going to kill them. We’ve been friends for four years. I would’ve done it a lot earlier if I were actually planning on it.
Bill: nbjhbjxznk stan’s so funny
Mike: get stan an apartment with thicker walls 2020
Bev: stan you can come live with me
Bev: I need a roommate and Ben still wants to live with his mom rn
Bev: which is understandable because his mother is an absolute angel
Stanley: Thank you, but no. I really like the apartment.
Mike: you just dislike Reddie arguing and annoying you lmao
Stanley: Yes. It’s very aggravating.
Bev: they haven’t said they’re together btw
Ben: Should we start meddling now?
Bill: maybe? I’m a little afraid to but this is getting awful to watch
Mike: guys im sorry id love to help but I really have to finish up some work and it’s probably gonna take all night and im gonna turn off my phone so I don’t get distracted
Mike: so bye, good luck!!
Bill: bye mike!!
Bill: I think maybe ill call eddie and eventually start talking about richie
Bill: ill bring up a lot of evidence that richie likes him back, and then just go from there
Bev: ill brainstorm with ben to see what I should do with richie
Stanley: Since you all have that covered, I’m going to make plans for the apartment. Once mom and dad move out, I’ll have it all to myself. Sorry for not being any help right now.
Bev: nkjndakj stan it’s fine!! I hope everything with the apartment goes well!!
“Tiny Badger”
April 19th 8:14 pm
Bill: eddie!! How’s richie lmao
“Operation Reddie”
April 19th 8:14 pm
Bill: I’ve messaged eddie and now we Wait
“Tiny Badger”
April 19th 9:08 pm
Tiny Badger: Hey sorry, Richie and I were cooking then we ate
Tiny Badger: He’s annoying
Tiny Badger: But cute, so
Tiny Badger: Ugh I’m going to die because of how cute he is
Bill: nkadnsa im not surprised
Tiny Badger: He’s really needy tonight and I don’t know why
Tiny Badger: Like, we were cooking, right? And he kept on poking me and whining that I wasn’t paying enough attention to him
Bill: rip richie lmao
Tiny Badger: But then we watched a movie together so he was pretty happy after that
Tiny Badger: (richieandeddiecuddling.jpg)
Bill: aww yall are so cute
Tiny Badger: He’s going to kill me :)
Bill: nmskandk rip
Bill: hey can I call you?? I wanna see if there’s a chance if any of us could maybe get together before camp or something
Tiny Badger: Hell yeah! Just lemme let Rich know I’m gonna be on the phone then I’ll call you, okay?
Bill: okay!!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 19th 11:09 pm
Billiard: so uh eddie’s taking richie to the hospital
Tall Gay: lmao sup
Tall Gay: eds is taking me to urgent care lol
Bev: bitch what??? Are you fucking okay???
Ben <3: What happened??
Birdwatcher: You all woke me up. What stupid thing did you do?
Tall Gay: sorry stan ndsqjkndsa
Tall Gay: im not telling
Billiard: I was on the phone with eddie when it happened so I can tell you lol
Tall Gay: pls don’t tell
Billiard: I was talking to eddie about the possibility for us to get together before camp when richie started bugging him to pay attention to him
Billiard: eventually after that not working he decided he was gonna roller-skate in the apartment and he fell lmao
Tall Gay: dammit bill
Bev: you were so desperate for his attention that you have to go to a hospital
Birdwatcher: Wow, that’s a new level of sad. Good job, Richie.
Tall Gay: fight me Staniel
“Bev”
May 19th 11:14 pm
Bev: wow this is the second time I’ve heard about you getting hurt because you want eddie’s attention
Bev: how often does this happen
Tall Gay: I’d rather not say tbh
Tall Gay: plus I really don’t know because it happens Often
Bev: that’s so sad dude
Tall Gay: do you think I don’t already know this?
Bev: maybe you should??? Uh idk??? Tell him how you feel???
Tall Gay: consider this
Tall Gay: maybe
Bev: omg wait what
Bev: ????
Tall Gay: so eds freaked out when I fell
Tall Gay: he looked at my ankle and when I said it really fucking hurt like hell, he looked shit up then started panicking and told bill he had to take me to the hospital
Tall Gay: and okay so like he fucking Hates them and avoids going
Tall Gay: but he was so quick to decide he would take me
Tall Gay: which I know could just be because he’s worried about me cause we’re best friends, but he still seems so worried and he keeps asking me if im okay and how my ankle feels
Tall Gay: the only times I’ve seen him like this is when he’s worried about me and my safety
Tall Gay: after I fell in the sewer, he bitched at me A Lot. but right when it happened, he automatically jumped in after me to make sure I was okay
Tall Gay: and this was also when he was in the midst of the shit with his thing with germs and danger being everywhere
Tall Gay: whenever something like this happens, I feel like he feels the same way
Bev: im sure he does!! You should tell him!!
Tall Gay: tbh if I do, it’d be in this type of situation and Only this type of situation
Tall Gay: (eddiedriving.jpg)
Tall Gay: look at this fucking cutie!!
Tall Gay: cute! cute! cute!
Bev: he looks so worried!!
Bev: you should tell him!!
Tall Gay: I might in the waiting room
Tall Gay: I wouldn’t tell him in the car because im afraid he might crash it lmao
Tall Gay: okay we’re here because eds was speeding, ill message later
Bev: good luck with your ankle!!! Tell him!!!
“Operation Reddie”
May 19th 11:20 pm
Ember: alright gays and ben!! they arrived at the hospital and Operation Reddie might be a fucking go!!
Benji: What???
Bill: holy shit really????
Hawkeye (caw caw): Has Richie finally decided to tell Eddie?
Ember: maybe!!!! He said maybe!!! He might!!!!!
Ember: richie said that the only time he might tell him is when he’s injured because that’s when he feels like eddie likes him back
Bill: god he was Freaking Out
Benji: This is good!!!
Hawkeye (caw caw): This might actually knock sense in Richie.
Ember: here’s to fucking hoping holy shit
“Tiny Badger”
May 19th 11:22 pm
Bill: hey eddie how are you
Tiny Badger: Oh hi
Tiny Badger: I’m not doing too well, but I’m doing better than Richie is
Bill: are you sure?
Bill: I know how much you hate hospitals
Tiny Badger: Yeah, but his ankle really hurt, so I had to
Tiny Badger: God he’s such a dumbass
Bill: lmao I can’t believe he thought that it was a good idea to roller-skate indoors
Tiny Badger: He didn’t, he just does stupid things when he wants attention. Even when he knows it’s a bad idea. That’s why he’s a dumbass
Bill: he’s endearing though
Tiny Badger: Maybe
Tiny Badger: I’m really worried about him
Bill: I know you are
Tiny Badger: He does stupid things a lot and he’s always fine, but I’m always worried he’s gonna do something especially bad and get seriously hurt. I just don’t want him doing dangerous shit
Bill: have you talked to him about that?
Tiny Badger: I don’t want to sound like my mom
Bill: you aren’t your mom
Bill: you love and care about him
Tiny Badger: She loved and cared about me
Bill: it’s different, and I know that a part of you knows that
Tiny Badger: I want him to be safe, but where’s the line between concerned and obsessed? I don’t want to smother him
Bill: you aren’t smothering him
Bill: you’re looking out for him
Bill: she was trying to control you
Tiny Badger: Maybe
Bill: don’t forget what we talked about earlier!!
Tiny Badger: I really don’t think he likes me
Tiny Badger: So I don’t think I’ll ever tell him
Tiny Badger: I don’t wanna open my heart up just to get rejected, you know?
Bill: I understand where you’re coming from, but it’s so obvious that he likes you too
Tiny Badger: I mean one point towards that being true is that he took me to see Dirty Dancing
Tiny Badger: And the drive-in was also playing Monster Squad, which he loves but I’m not the biggest fan of
Bill: ugh dude he Loves you I promise. Scouts honor and everything
Tiny Badger: (richieinwaitingroomgivingathumbsup.jpg)
Tiny Badger: What a fucking dumbass
Bill: you’re in love with that dumbass
Tiny Badger: I’m reminded of that every day when he does something stupid
Bill: true love tbh
Tiny Badger: Alright they called us back so I’m gonna go
Bill: lmao ur just going back there with him?
Tiny Badger: He can’t walk well by himself, I have to help
Tiny Badger: And besides, he doesn’t know his own medical history, I do
Tiny Badger: I’ll message back later, bye
“Operation Reddie”
May 19th 11:29 pm
Bill: lmao richie got called back and eddie went with him because “richie doesn’t know his medical history” but it’s probably just because he’s worried about him
Bill: plus richie can’t really walk by himself easily but that’s a minor detail
Benji: They really love each other :’)
Bill: he did call richie a dumbass like twice earlier but Yeah Very Much So
Hawkeye (caw caw): Their relationship is funny because they do seem to really love each other, but they also both annoy the shit out of each other.
Ember: they’ve been best friends for 18 years and it Shows
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 19th 11:49 pm
Small Gay: Alright Richie’s ankle still feels fucked up but it’s not broken or sprained and he won’t have to have a cast
Small Gay: Also the doctor is totally flirting with him
Tall Gay: no she isn’t! I promise lmao
Small Gay: She asked you about your sexual activity when you went in for a hurt ankle
Tall Gay: eds she wasn’t flirting, im pretty sure she thinks we’re together
Bev: what a surprise
Small Gay: She doesn’t, but if she does, add her to the list ffs
Birdwatcher: Wow, I wonder why everybody thinks you’re together.
Birdwatcher: I’m sure it’s not because you live together and can’t go a day without being around each other, obvious to everyone, even to people who you’ve never met.
Small Gay: Okay look,,,,
Tall Gay: I mean he’s not wrong
Small Gay: Bitch we’re supposed to be on the same team
Billiard: richie im glad your ankle isn’t broken or sprained
Tall Gay: wow Billiam thank you ur the first person to say that
Small Gay: You bitch
Small Gay: I said that to you in person
Tall Gay: ur happy because its less money we have to spend
Small Gay: Okay yeah because we aren’t fucking rich but I’m also glad because it hurts less for you, fucking asshole
Tall Gay: ,,,,,,,,,,
Bev: don’t fucking say it
Tall Gay: you,,,,
Small Gay: Oh god
Birdwatcher: You made a mistake, Eddie.
Ben <3: Oh no
Tall Gay: YOU COULD BE FUCKING RICH
Small Gay: I’m going to murder you
Billiard: I mean richie isn’t wrong
Small Gay: B I L L
Tall Gay: OH???
Bev: jesus christ
Birdwatcher: This is sad to watch.
Tall Gay: eds hey eds you wanna be fucking Rich???
Tall Gay: cause you could totally be fucking Rich
Small Gay: Anyways we’re waiting for the doctor to come back to talk to the dumbass then I’ll be driving home. Hey Dumbass, do you wanna get Five Guys on our way home?
Tall Gay: I don’t need five guys when I got you baby
Small Gay: Okay then do you want something else
Tall Gay: wait no I want Five Guys
Bev: kinky
Tall Gay: yes but also no
Birdwatcher: I hate this group chat more as it goes on.
Small Gay: Richie you’re literally so annoying
Tall Gay: get you a man who’ll buy you food after taking you to the hospital all while insulting you
Tall Gay: just not eds cause he’s mine
Small Gay: You wish
Tall Gay: fucking true like don’t I make that clear every day?
Small Gay: Ugh
Small Gay: Oh, Rich I forgot to tell you, I got you more toothpaste and mouthwash since I noticed you were running low
Tall Gay: aww thanks eds come back to the room so I can give you a big old kiss
Small Gay: You know I was going to, but I actually don’t want that
“Tiny Badger”
May 19th 11:59 pm
Bill: bitch stop lying
Tiny Badger: Shut up
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 20th 12:00 am
Tall Gay: (richiekissingeddiescheek.jpg)
Tall Gay: he came back lol
“Tiny Badger”
May 20th 12:00 am
Bill: gay
Tiny Badger: God I know
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 20th 12:01 am
Small Gay: You’re obnoxious
Birdwatcher: You look so disgusted.
Small Gay: I am
Billiard: lmao sure bitch we All believe you
Billiard: oh oops lol
Tall Gay: someone tell me why eddie walked out of the room again
Small Gay: Answer your phone Bill
Bev: lmao bill’s gonna get dead soon
Billiard: I don’t wanna respond oops
Birdwatcher: As entertaining as this is, I’m going to bed. Goodnight everybody. Bill, good luck. Richie, I hope you come to your senses and that your ankle feels better.
Billiard: thanks stan gn
Tall Gay: lmao wow thanks
Tall Gay: Goodnight stan the man!!!
Bev: ben’s taking a shower rn but goodnight from both of us!!!
Tall Gay: eds let’s go home im hungry
Small Gay: Fine alright
“Bev”
May 20th 12:21 am
Bev: hey bitch
Tall Gay: sup bitch
Tall Gay: (fiveguysbags.jpg)
Tall Gay: we got food lol
Bev: have u given it more thought?
Tall Gay: it’s all I’ve been thinking about tbh
Bev: have you decided what to do
Tall Gay: im gonna tell him
Tall Gay: it’ll be terrifying but like
Tall Gay: I’ve been in love with him for 18 years, and if he likes me too then I don’t wanna waste any more time without being with him
Bev: oh my god!!!!! that’s awesome!!!!!
Tall Gay: if he doesn’t like me back then I’ll stay with stan. he said I could so
Bev: he does!!! im sure of it!!!!
Bev: when do you think you’ll tell him??
Tall Gay: probably before we go to camp? idk
Tall Gay: im getting nervous thinking about it and eds just asked what was wrong
Bev: aww what’d u say
Tall Gay: just said it was my ankle
Tall Gay: NJKFNDKJSNFJDSK
Tall Gay: eddie is holding my hand I REPEAT EDDIE IS HOLDING MY HAND
Bev: !!!! richie!!!! quick!!! tell him!!!!!
Tall Gay: im gonna die
Bev: don’t die!! marry him!!
Bev: richie?
Bev: ?????
“Operation Reddie”
May 20th 12:20 am
Bev: I think eddie finally killed richie
Bev: (screenshotoflastmessage.jpg)
Stan: Wow.
Bev: but!!!! Richie said he’ll tell him!!!! Eventually!!! Probably before camp!!!!
Stan: Oh, really? Finally!
Ben: that’s so exciting!!!!
Bill: here’s to hoping it happens tonight!!
Stan: I hear them coming up to their door. I’m not going to bother them.
Stan: I hear them kissing! We’re free! It’s happened!
Bev: YES
Bill: FUCKING FINALLY
Ben: I’m so happy for them!!!!!
Stan: Me too. Plus, we won’t have to deal with how oblivious they are anymore.
Stan: Wait.
Bev: fuck wait what???
Stan: Oh no.
Ben: What???
Stan: Fuck this, I’m texting Patty and asking if I can stay with her tonight.
Bill: mncjcnskjdn
Bev: what??? Is happening???
Ben: I hope Patty says he can stay with her?
Stan: She did. I’m packing a bag. I’m driving there soon then I’ll sleep after that.
Ben: What’s going on?
Stan: I’m not talking about it.
Stan: I packed my bag, I’m leaving. Goodnight.
Bev: goodnight??
Bill: gn!
Ben: Goodnight Stan hope you feel better!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 20th 3:48 am
Sheep Boy: hi sorry what the FUCK did I miss
“Tiny Badger”
May 20th 8:16 am
Tiny Badger: So
Bill: yeah?
Tiny Badger: I have something to tell you
Tiny Badger: Please don’t tell anyone, not even Mike
Bill: I promise I won’t!! what is it???
Tiny Badger: Richie and I kinda had sex last night
Bill: bitch im sorry what
Tiny Badger: Yeah
Bill: last time we talked about it you said “I don’t think I’ll ever tell him”
Bill: so wtf happened????
Tiny Badger: I was driving from the hospital and I wanted to hold his hand so I just? Did it? And he got all nervous and blushy and cute but he seemed Very okay with it and then we got to the complex and I parked the car and just kinda looked at him for a while and he kinda looked at me and then we sorta maybe kinda kissed for a while then stopped and went inside the apartment and then we yeah
Tiny Badger: So now I don’t know what to do
Bill: wait did you not talk about your feelings
Tiny Badger: No, which is a problem
Tiny Badger: Because okay yeah, we had sex, so he probably thinks I’m attractive, but like sometimes friends can have sex!! There are people who have friends with benefits so maybe that’s what he wants?? Or maybe he thinks that I want that??
Bill: oh my god
Tiny Badger: And like okay so he works today so he’s probably leaving about fifteen minutes after he wakes up so what do I say??
Bill: uhh idk?? Where are you right now??
Tiny Badger: I’m still in his bed
Bill: NJKNDSJ EDDIE
Tiny Badger: What??
Tiny Badger: I need help Bill!!
Bill: omg ur a disaster
Tiny Badger: You aren’t helping
Bill: bitch idk how to help!! I’ve never hooked up with my best friend who I’ve been in love with practically my entire life!!
Tiny Badger: Okay true but you didn’t have to say it like that
Bill: how else am I supposed to say it??
Tiny Badger: Okay sometimes I shower in the morning so I’m just gonna do that
Tiny Badger: It’ll give me something to do without him getting suspicious
Bill: alright
Bill: Please talk to him about it
Tiny Badger: We’ll see
“Tall Gay”
May 20th 8:23 am
Tall Gay: bev please message me back im freaking tf out
Bev: what??? Are you okay???
Tall Gay: eddie and I had sex
Tall Gay: last night
Tall Gay: and he doesn’t know I love him
Tall Gay: talk me down bev
Tall Gay: talk. me. down.
Bev: uhh can I call you???
Tall Gay: eds is in the shower but he might come out and hear me so no
Bev: wtf happened???
Tall Gay: okay so like he held my hand, right? We got home and he started looking at me and I was about to ask wtf was up but then he kissed me!!! and then we kissed like a fucking lot then we went inside and had sex
Tall Gay: which was GREAT btw, just in case u were wondering
Bev: oh god
Bev: so yall didn’t talk at all??
Tall Gay: I mean it was me and eds doing it so like
Tall Gay: there was talking
Tall Gay: like probably more than there should’ve been??
Tall Gay: but nothing really about our feelings or anything
Bev: holy shit
Bev: yall need to T A L K about it omg
Tall Gay: but what if he regrets it
Tall Gay: which I don’t think he would, because like I said it was GREAT. but still
Tall Gay: what if he doesn’t love me :(
Bev: richie im Sure he does
Bev: promise me you’ll talk to him
Tall Gay: ughh fine
Tall Gay: but not now I gotta get ready for work
Tall Gay: im supposed to be there in 30 minutes
Tall Gay: should I kiss him before I leave??
Bev: yes!! do that!!!
Tall Gay: if he’s out of the shower by the time I leave I might
Tall Gay: wait what if he’s trying to avoid me??
Tall Gay: oh god I wouldn’t be able to handle that
Bev: the only reason he might avoid you is if he loves you and he’s just afraid you don’t feel the same way
Tall Gay: or he hates me and wants to move out
Bev: ugh just fucking talk to him
Tall Gay: later
Tall Gay: fuck he’s out of the shower
Tall Gay: im gonna get dressed
Bev: I gotta go to work, good luck!!
“Operation Reddie”
May 20th 8:35 am
Bev: I hate them
Billiard: a mood
Birdwatcher: Me too.
Birdwatcher: Wait, why do you all hate them?
Billiard: I can’t say,,,,,
Bev: you Know,,, don’t you,,,
Billiard: know,,,, what,,,,,?
Birdwatcher: Both of you know, don’t you?
Billiard: eddie made me promise not to tell anyone
Birdwatcher: What if we already knew?
Billiard: it feels like I shouldn’t
Bev: richie didn’t make me promise lmao
Birdwatcher: And I just happened to find out all on my own.
“Birdwatcher”
May 20th 8:38 am
Bev: I can’t believe they had sex
Birdwatcher: I can’t believe it didn’t happen sooner.
Bev: nandaksnd stan
Birdwatcher: You haven’t been there on game nights.
Bev: aww yall have game nights?
Birdwatcher: They do. Sometimes they invite me. I’ve only been twice and that’s enough for me. They’re both too competitive for their own good. It always seems like they’ll either kill each other, start making out, or both.
Bev: I stg if they don’t talk to each other about this ur gonna have to give them an intervention
Birdwatcher: “Alright, you two. You’re literally in love with each other and have had sex already. Please just date.”
Bev: yes that’s perfect
Birdwatcher: I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to look either of them in the eyes again.
Bev: lmao im so sorry you had to hear some of that
Bev: richie thought he should let me know twice (TWICE) how “GREAT” it was
Bev: also how there was more talking than there should’ve been because it was him and eddie so ofc they talked a lot
Birdwatcher: I hate them. Every time I think that maybe I don’t, stupid shit like this happens and I realize that no, I was right, I do hate them.
Bev: lmao no u don’t
Birdwatcher: I know and I hate it.
“Tiny Badger”
May 20th 8:59 am
Tiny Badger: I’m gonna tell you what just happened and I need you to tell me your opinion, okay?
Bill: okay
Tiny Badger: Okay, so, I got dressed and I was in the kitchen making coffee. Richie came out from his room all dressed for work and we were both just quiet and kinda avoiding eye contact. I ended up asking if he wanted coffee, and he smiled and said that he did, so I gave him some that I had already made for him that was in a portable cup. Then he got all happy again and said “God, I love you so much” and kissed my head before saying “I’ll see you tonight” and then he left to go to work
Tiny Badger: What do you think he means by that?
Bill: I think he means that he loves you and he’ll see you tonight
Tiny Badger: Don’t be a smartass!! I get enough of that from Stan and Richie!!
Bill: eddie that’s the only way to interpret that
Tiny Badger: But like does he mean “I love you as a friend” or “I love you in a romantic way” or “I love you but as a friend who I want to have sex with casually”
Bill: maybe try focusing on anything else while you wait for him to come home. do you have any work that you need to do?
Tiny Badger: Yeah. I’ll try. Thanks Bill. For everything
Bill: its no problem. Everything will work out!!!
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 20th 10:24 am
Sheep Boy: richie hurt his ankle?? Is that what happened??
Bill: holy shit lmao
Ember: mike missed a Lot
Hawkeye (caw caw): Lucky Mike.
Dick: eds and I took a field trip to the hospital last night lol
Sheep Boy: are you okay??
Dick: yeah lol
Tiny Badger: Bitch you’re at work right now
Dick: (richieatradiostation.jpg)
Dick: haha I am!!
Tiny Badger: Then why tf aren’t you working?
Dick: there’s nothing to do
Bill: eddie don’t you have work to do
Tiny Badger: No
Bill: that’s a Damn Lie
Dick: lmao eds wants to talk to me instead of working <3
Tiny Badger: Ugh
Dick: (I wanna talk to you instead of working too <3)
Tiny Badger: Oh. Won’t you get in trouble?
Dick: nah
Hawkeye (caw caw): They’re ignoring us again.
Sheep Boy: they keep flirting lmao
Tiny Badger: W ha t
Dick: haha what
Sheep Boy: what?
Tiny Badger: We aren’t flirting
Tiny Badger: We don’t flirt
Sheep Boy: njdskfnf eddie it was a joke
Tiny Badger: Oh, yeah, right
Dick: yeah of course we knew that haha
Bill: jesus Christ
Ember: this is painful
Hawkeye (caw caw): I can’t believe that this is the group chat.
Dick: so dramatic lol
Tiny Badger: Oh shit, Richie. Is our Five Guys still in the car?
Dick: oh uh yeah oops
Ember: NKJDNAKFAS RICHIE
Bill: omg yall fucking forgot your food??
Tiny Badger: Stfu Bill
Sheep Boy: how?? Did you all forget your food?? In the car??
Dick: uhh
Tiny Badger: we were busy?
Ember: NJKSDNKJFNDNJFD
Hawkeye (caw caw): Please, somebody, put me out of my misery. I’m begging you.
Sheep Boy: fucking busy with what??
Bill: it was late so they forgot? Because they were so tired?
Tiny Badger: YES exactly that’s it, thanks Bill
Hawkeye (caw caw): I hate it here.
Dick: maybe we wouldn’t have forgotten it if somebody hadn’t distracted me
Tiny Badger: Oh shut up, you were Fucking Thrilled
Dick: okay Yeah maybe but still now our food is cold and gross
Tiny Badger: We have an air fryer, dumbass, it’ll taste fine
Benji: Hey guys what’s up?
Sheep Boy: richie and eddie forgot their food in their car last night somehow njdnfks
Benji: How?
Bill: they were just super tired they forgot
Hawkeye (caw caw): Now they’re talking in the group chat and ignoring us, yet again.
Benji: Haha that’s just like them!
Tiny Badger: It doesn’t happen that often.
Dick: it kinda does lmao we’re the worst
Tiny Badger: Why do you always have to disagree with/purposefully annoy me?
Dick: I don’t always have to, but when I do, you get all mad and red and it’s really cute. like cuter than usual, you know? like it’s just very you and I like pretty much everything about you
Dick: and idk I just really like annoying you
Benji: What?
Tiny Badger: But there are other things that you could do instead of that can get that message across better. Like maybe being more direct that you like annoying me?
Dick: it’s really hard to do that, and besides, what about you?
Sheep Boy: im so confused
Tiny Badger: What about me?
Dick: you like annoying me too, right?
Tiny Badger: Of course I do
Dick: it’s easy to assume that since that’s how you act, and how I act, but I can’t tell sometimes if that’s how you actually feel, or if it’s all just a joke
Tiny Badger: It’s not a joke for me.
Benji: They aren’t talking about them annoying each other, are they?
Dick: really? last night wasn’t a joke either?
Tiny Badger: It’s never been a joke to me Richie.
Sheep Boy: I don’t think they are
Dick: it’s never been a joke for me either
Hawkeye (caw caw): This is ridiculous.
Ember: at least they’re talking about it
Ember: it’s in the stupidest way possible
Ember: but they’re talking about it
Hawkeye (caw caw): I guess that’s true.
Ember: hey richie? eddie?
Tiny Badger: Yeah?
Dick: hi bev
Ember: you two maybe wanna continue this conversation privately?
Tiny Badger: Oh, um
Dick: nah lol
“Operation Reddie”
May 20th 10:48 am
Ember: welp mission accomplished?
Hawkeye (caw caw): That was unbearable.
Bill: but cute
Hawkeye (caw caw): A little, but still unbearable
Benji: I still don’t know what happened
Sheep Boy: I guess that they’re together now?
Hawkeye (caw caw): It would seem that way.
Ember changed the group name to “Hideaway from Reddie”
Ember: felt like this was appropriate
Ember: we need to teach them how to talk to each other privately and not just have a conversation in the group chat
“Fucking Loser <3”
May 20th 10:54 am
Eddie: Okay, you know what fucker?
Eddie: We need to actually talk about this shit to each other
Eddie: Not with everyone else, even if literally everyone knows
Fucking Loser <3: I don’t think ben or mike knows
Eddie: The others know, they have to
Fucking Loser <3: I mean did you tell bill?
Fucking Loser <3: cause like I told bev
Eddie: Okay yeah, I told Bill
Fucking Loser <3: lmao ur so cute
Eddie: See, that’s what I was talking about!
Eddie: It’s shit like that! What am I supposed to think when you constantly say that?
Fucking Loser <3: eddie what do you think it means when I call you cute?
Fucking Loser <3: because it means I think you’re cute
Eddie: Do you know how confusing the constant flirting is? Always wondering if you Actually mean it in the way I want it to mean?
Fucking Loser <3: what way do u want it to mean?? are there different ways??
Eddie: Yes! I want it to mean that you think I’m cute. Not in a childish way, like how you used to tease me. I want it to mean you like looking at me. That you pay attention to me! That you aren’t just doing it to make fun of me.
Fucking Loser <3: eddie do you seriously fucking think I don’t pay attention to you
Fucking Loser <3: are you forgetting the 18 years we’ve spent together?
Eddie: Not in that way, Richie.
Fucking Loser <3: then enlighten me because it sounds like ur a blind bitch
Eddie: Fucking me??? I’m the blind bitch??
Fucking Loser <3: fucking of course you are!!! what did I not pull your pigtails hard enough for you?? did all the flirting not give you a fucking clue how I felt about you??
Fucking Loser <3: because I always thought I was pretty goddamn obvious, especially every time I got beat up trying to defend you. so sorry if it wasn’t clear enough for you
Eddie: Richie answer your fucking phone.
Fucking Loser <3: sorry eds I can’t im at work remember? ur gonna have to text me
Eddie: Fine then. Fuck you. You don’t get to use that against me. I never fucking asked you to do that shit. I always hated it when you picked fights with them. I didn’t give a shit about them most of the time. You can’t say that it was obvious and give me that reason.
Eddie: But you wanna play that game? Alright. Fine. Let’s fucking do it.
Eddie: The conference? I left early because you weren’t answering your phone and Stan couldn’t check on you and I fucking needed to make sure you were safe.
Eddie: Myra and Ryan both wanted me to stop being your friend. They both asked me to choose between them or you, and guess what, fucker? I chose you. Literally fucking anybody could ask me to choose and I would always choose you. You know why? Because I fucking care about you, you goddamn asshole!
Fucking Loser <3: fucking myra and ryan, really? you wanna know why me and myra were fighting? I had a big gay crush on you, she found out, she didn’t like that. she was going to tell you and I thought you were going to hate me and never talk to me again
Eddie: I could never hate you.
Fucking Loser <3: yeah fucking right
Eddie: Fuck you. Just fuck you.
Fucking Loser <3: you already did that last night
Eddie: Literally shut the fuck up, you can’t joke around right now when we’re fighting.
Fucking Loser <3: sorry eds. force of habit
Eddie: God, sometimes I can’t believe I’m in love with you
Fucking Loser <3: wait what
Eddie: I didn’t want to tell you like this
Eddie: Fighting over text and everything
Fucking Loser <3: really? are you fucking joking or something?
Eddie: Why the fuck would I be joking about that? If you don’t like me back, that’s fine, just don’t be an asshole about it
Fucking Loser <3: no eds like you don’t understand
Fucking Loser <3: you’re like,,,, In Love with me?? how long??
Eddie: Since the Christmas of 10th grade
Fucking Loser <3: and like, not in a friend way or anything? ur like Romantically In Love with me??
Eddie: Richie what the fuck does being in love with you “in a friend way” even mean? Ofc I’m in love with you romantically
Eddie: I wouldn’t have had sex with you otherwise
Fucking Loser <3: im leaving work now
Eddie: Bitch what?? We need money
Fucking Loser <3: okay yeah but I need to kiss you. like right now
Fucking Loser <3: I’ve been in love with you since our first valentine’s day together in the goddamn sixth grade
Eddie: Are you fucking serious?
Fucking Loser <3: yes you dumbass
Eddie: Jesus Christ. Why the fuck are we so bad at communicating?
Fucking Loser <3: idk dude we can talk about that later!! I just need to see you and make out with you like Right Now
Eddie: Okay yeah dude but we also need to be able to eat this week
Fucking Loser <3: we’ll go over to my parent’s house for dinner a few times, lord fucking knows they’ll be thrilled that we’re together
Eddie: God you’re right
Eddie: But you can’t just leave work because you wanna make out with me
Fucking Loser <3: I can and I will
Eddie: Bitch that’s so irresponsible
Fucking Loser <3: hell yeah keep talking dirty to me
Eddie: You’re so fucking disgusting, just so you know
Fucking Loser <3: okay I left!! Ill be able to kiss you soon!!
Eddie: Bitch??? Are you seriously fucking leaving work??
Fucking Loser <3: um obviously yeah?
Eddie: Oh my god?? Okay?? When will you get home??
Fucking Loser <3: I’ll be there soon im getting you a present first
Eddie: I stg Richie if you pull the same shit that you did a few weeks ago, I’m going to be so annoyed and it won’t even be funny, especially since you’re leaving work early
Fucking Loser <3: lmao eds don’t worry I think you’ll like it
Eddie: I’m going to trust you. I’ll see you when you get home
Fucking Loser <3: okay I’ll see you then :) I love you
Eddie: I love you too
Eddie: Dumbass
“Hell on Screen ;)”
May 20th 11:56 am
Eddie: (shrek2cd.jpg)
Eddie: (flowers.jpg)
Eddie: Get yourself a boyfriend who does this shit
Eddie: Just not Richie, cause he’s mine <3