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Ben fended off yet another lightsaber strike from Rey. He’d begun this duel thought that maybe, if he preserved his strength and let her expend her anger, he could win this fight. If he was being honest with himself, he had no real desire to hurt her.
They’d done enough of that in the past.
He swung once, knocking her to the ground, and paused once she fell, his lightsaber extended in anticipation of what she would do next. Her lips snarled up into what he assumed would be a growl (and what a tantalizingly feral little thing she was, he couldn’t help but think) when suddenly it was as though all the sounds that permeated the air around them- the buzz of his lightsaber, his and Rey’s heavy breathing, the waves crashing against the hull of the Death Star- had been silenced without warning.
“Ben.”
He turned his head rapidly behind him to where he had heard a much-too-familiar voice utter his given name. Finding no one there, he whirled back around to face Rey, hoping that he wasn’t going mad and that she had heard the voice as well, but, to his surprise, there was nothing but darkness ahead of him. And a diminutive silhouette wrapped in it.
“Ben…” Leia murmured again.
Chin trembling with shock, he stumbled up to her. She immediately stretched out her arms and he grasped her hands. He fell to his knees in front of her, unable to stand before his mother with all of his sins weighing him down.
“I know I’m too late, but-” he began to choke out, “could you ever manage to forgive me after all I’ve done?” Ben looked up at her still shrouded face.
“My boy… don’t you know? I already have.”
It was at this point that Ben lost all sense of pride or self-control, everything that had and hadn’t occurred between them (the day he’d had the opportunity to shoot her down and couldn’t, his brief terror when he thought she’d been killed in another blast, the feeling of speaking to his mother for the first time in years, the knowledge of her forgiveness) all too much. Burying his face in his mother’s skirts like the child he still was inside, his shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. Leia’s hand reached down after a few minutes had passed and she lifted his chin up toward her.
She stroked his cheek and around his umber eyes, so similar to her own. “I love you, son. More than you will ever know.”
“Mom,” his voice cracked with emotion, “I love you too. And I’m- I’m so sorry.”
He resumed standing and was caught off guard when she pulled him into an embrace that was tighter than her build and age suggested she was capable of. He felt almost perfectly at peace now, but there was one thing he still needed to know.
With his head cradled in the juncture between her neck and shoulder, hunched over to lessen their height difference, he finally dared asked the question which had been plaguing his mind since he’d first seen her.
“Does this mean- are you dead?”
“I am… dying.” She said it gently- obviously attempting to inform him gently- but must have felt his mood shift at her words.
“Don’t dwell on me, Ben. Try to forgive my wrongdoings as I’ve forgiven yours. Remember me with love. Mourn me if you must. But you have to move on. Build a life for yourself- do some good in the galaxy and find joy. Be with the person you love.” He gaped at her. She laughed.
“Beyond that… learn to forgive yourself. That’s all the advice I know to give you.”
He felt tears well in his eyes once more.
“Will I ever see you again?”
He couldn’t see her smile, and yet knew it was there.
“What does your heart tell you?”
---
He found himself abruptly jolted back to reality, immediately noticing Rey with an expression of consternation on her face. She was staring back at him sadly and he knew he must look as despondent as she did.
“Did she appear to you too?” he asked quietly.
Casting her eyes downward, she nodded pitifully. As though they had both come to the same conclusion at once, they dropped their sabers onto the metal beneath their feet. Ben’s eyes, already damp from crying, began to wet further as he felt the full magnitude of her misery along with his own.
Much as she tried to hide it, he could tell that she was having a similar reaction. Hardly knowing what he was doing, he crossed the space between them. In one fell swoop, he swept her up into his arms, clinging to her as tightly as he had his mother.
After a moment of hesitation, her arms came around his sides and she pressed against him. He felt her shiver and her hands gripped his tunic like he was the only haven of dry land in the midst of the raging sea that was her mind.
“Rey- I… I can’t tell you enough how- how sorry I am for everything. Hate me, strike me down right now, I’d understand-”
She shushed him softly, bringing a hand up to stroke his soaked hair.
“Oh, R'iia- I know, Ben. I do. And I’m-” she caught her breath, “I’m sorry too. We’ve both hurt each other so much. I think it’s past time that we stopped.”
He nodded, face still buried in her hair. “I want to…I want to come home, Rey. If you’ll have me.”
“Of course,” she responded intensely, “Of course I will.”
She pulled him impossibly tighter to her, shuddering at the sensation of their bodies pressed together.
As their weeping finally calmed, Ben moved his chin over her head.
He closed his eyes, reveling in the calm he felt with her this close to him, the way his mind momentarily stopped churning at the touch of her hands. The waves- which had been so violent however long ago their fight had begun- calmed into a gentle lull, an occasional swell of water coming up over the side of the ship.
He didn’t know how long they stood there, but he finally asked, “Rey?”
She hummed in acknowledgment.
“If you don’t mind my asking, what did my mother talk to you about?” Rey exhaled softly.
He rushed to reassure her. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, obviously, I just-”
“No, Ben. It’s okay.” She pulled away from him a bit, taking hold of his hands as though she longed for the contact as much as he did. He silently wished he’d taken off his gloves.
“She said that she would always be with us, both of us, and that she was- that she was proud of me. She also-” she looked at him meaningfully, “asked me to give you one more chance. Told me that it’s what you do for the people you love, no matter how lost they are.”
It took a second for the implications of that statement to settle in but she could see the exact moment that realization struck. He pulled back, holding her by her forearms, and his bewildered gaze roved over her face as though she were a particularly interesting piece of data on the Holonet.
He was silent for long enough that she began to become nervous.
“Listen, if you don’t feel the same way it’s fine, but-”
Rey was cut off as Ben pulled her close once again; this time to capture her lips. As soon as she realized what precisely was happening (kissing, her mind screamed, they were kissing) she began to reciprocate, moving her mouth against his in a way she wasn’t completely sure was correct. It didn’t seem to matter to him, though, as he pulled her closer and let loose something that sounded suspiciously like a whimper.
Maybe one day she’d tease him about it. For now, she allowed herself to become lost in the feeling of the Force pulsing around them, ebbing and flowing in as tangible a manner as the ocean below.
Eventually he pulled away from her, bringing his forehead down to rest against hers. An endearing, boyish smile the likes of which she had never seen before on him graced his features.
“I love you too,” he replied with an air of finality.