Work Text:
The night, always quiet, peaceful and ever-so calming, the perfect witness of untold secrets, and forever undercover mischief.
Changbin loved the night. He particularly loved cloud-less nights in which the moon could brightly shine through their room's windows, perfectly illuminating the words he wrote surrounded by silence. Almost.
Woojin's soft breathing and occasional snoring was his other company, sweet irony, his mind would not let him sleep thinking about him, and the object of his affections was peacefully resting next to him.
So so close, and yet so so far away.
It hurt, but Seo liked the pain, or at least he preferred the ever-growing longing feeling to the cruel rejection he was positive to get, and that only made it worse.
He knew Woojin would be understanding and would say the right things, using the right words not to hurt him an inch beyond what was needed, that he would not change how he treated Changbin, he was a true gentleman, and Seo knew that when he looked at him, with those eyes he had lost himself in multiple times, there would be no pity in them, he knew Woojin to be better than that, and that was what hurt the most.
Knowing that everything will stay the same and that Woojin would still be one of the best friends one could ask for, but just that and only that. A friend.
Tears started rolling down Seo's cheeks, as he cried soundlessly, not to wake up the other, which just like him, had a brutal day today, and would appreciate the sleep. There was also the fact that the last thing Changbin needed was to Woojin to rush and hug him while he asked why he was crying.
He was a great actor, but he had limits, and he didn't believe he could survive that without purring his heart out, while the tears kept flowing. His situation as is was pathetic enough. He didn't need to play the other like that. He could not forgive himself if he did.
The ink of his pen was smeared all over his notebook, and his vision became blurry, but he was determined to finish this song.
His most important one.
As he completed the last sentence, he was quietly sobbing now, unable to keep up to his initial intention of remaining in silence.
His heart was aching. His mind was pulsating.
He read the song from start to finish, again and again, letting the feeling sink in.
He did it. He finally did it. He was able to convey his feelings into words, in the only way that never failed to allow him to express himself: music. There was a bittersweet sensation attached to the paper, while he could not help but feel miserable; there was also this feeling of accomplishment.
It was weird, the whole thing was.
He got up from the desk, after sipping the remaining water on his cup, and walked towards his bed, finally feeling ready to close his eyes for the night.
Yet, he never got there.
Instead, his footsteps took him to the side of Woojin's bed. He laid there, eyes softly closed, face relaxed. The same glow that illuminated Bin's desk also decorated the features of his face.
A work of art , his mind served as his eyes stayed fixed on the sleeping guy in front of him, after quite some time a barely audible sigh left Seo's mouth.
Changbin took a step back, and hugging the blue notebook he was writing on, tightly to his chest, spoke in a calm tone: "I could never say this to you while you're awake, but I guess I can collect the courage to tell you this while you're asleep,"
He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and as he held even tighter onto the notebook, he started singing:
You were my friend,
I should be yours.
You were so good to me,
I wasn't enough for you.
You looked back at me and smiled,
I looked at you and died.
You were next to me,
I could not feel your heat.
You can not choose love,
If I could, I had still chosen you.
You are my friend,
I want you to be more.
You are so good to me,
I would do everything to be good for you.
You are now right in front of me.
I had given everything to be in front of you.
Love chooses you.
I wish that if you could, you would choose me too.
I could fill this book out of reasons not to love you,
I could make an album out of it too,
But when the last played, I had still love you.
I hope this song made you see me,
I hope this song made you love me.
I give you these rhymes with the taste of farewell,
I sing these lines as a goodbye.
These words will die on these papers,
They will always live deep down in my heart.
Today, I sing you this song,
The song of a crying soul.
I sing it to you, for me and the moon,
I sing it for me, to you and the moon.
Changbin ended the song, with his whole body trembling, tears once again running freely down his face, in the saddest downpour Seoul was yet to meet.
"I could never say this to you with those beautiful, deep eyes looking straight to mine, but I'm glad I could at least take this out of my chest in a way,"
Changbin added, as his voice cracked a time or two, after while of standing there in silence, he finally felt he had enough willpower to leave Woojin, physically and metaphorically.
Just when he started to turn around, a swiftly moving hand got a hold of his wrist, preventing him from going away. The sudden action made him let go of the pen and the notebook, which fell slowly to the ground as if the time was running in slow motion.
Changbin wasn't aware of what was going on, and before he could start to fear whatever was holding him this late at night, his favorite tone in the world rang on his ears:
"You keep saying you could not do it, but here you are, you just did."