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]
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]Aphrodite
]sweetworded desires
(Sappho, translated by Anne Carson)
“Are you sure you don’t wanna go?”
“Yes, Jaem. I’m too busy with this paper and I really need a good grade on this one.”
Renjun can hear Jaemin grumble a complaint, but it’s slightly muffled, so she imagines that he had moved away from the phone. “If you change your mind just drop me a text! I’m meeting Hyuck there, so we could get ready together if you wanted…”
Renjun sighs. She’s been studying like crazy these last few weeks and can’t even remember the last time she went to a party, and though Jaemin’s proposal sounds very interesting, the paper she needs to finish weights heavy on her mind.
“I’m sorry for breaking our tradition,” she says, drawing random patterns on her bedsheets with the tip of her fingers. “But you can facetime me when you’re choosing your outfit later and it won’t be so bad.”
“It’s not the same but… I guess I’ll have to find a way to survive… Oh, what shall I do without you and your stable hands to do my eyeliner?” Jaemin says dramatically and Renjun cracks a half-smile, imagining the look Jaemin must be sporting on his face right now.
“I’m sure you’ll survive, Jaem…”
They talk a little more but hang up not too long after. Renjun looks at her laptop and the unfinished sentences almost seem like they’re mocking her. It’s crazy how it doesn’t matter how much she seems to write--it never gets closer to finished and it just keeps growing and growing. She can barely wait until she’s finally free from that class.
Her phone buzzes and Renjun has half a mind to just ignore it, imagining it must be Jaemin again, but she quickly glances at the screen and the name that shows up in the notification makes her hurry to unlock it, a big smile already forming on her face.
jenmoongie 🐶🥰
are you going to the party?
i swapped my shift with another person so i’m free today
we can meet there! i’ll probably be going earlier with hyuck to help mark fix everything around!
Renjun replies quickly, probably using more emojis and exclamation points than she ever used before -- but it seemed like that was a habit when it came to Jeno.
She takes a second to throw herself back on her bed, staring at the ceiling and sighing wistfully, feeling as her heart raced against her ribcage. Jeno. Just her name and a simple text already made her feel like this--giddy and ecstatic like a teenager with their first crush. These days it seems like Jeno won’t leave her mind no matter what she’s doing and is always making her feel this way.
Renjun closes her laptop and lifts her phone up again, sending a quick text to Jaemin, biting down on her lower lip, her mind swirling with ideas.
na jaemin 🤢
change of plans!!! im going!!!
come here quickly!!!!!!!!
The party is already going hard when they arrive at Mark’s place, the front yard filled with people laying down on the grass, trying to escape from the inside of the party and the loud music that could be heard from a long distance.
Renjun exchanges a surprised look with Jaemin as soon as they get out of their Uber. “I thought it was going to be just a simple party and not… this,” she motions with her hands to a couple laying down by the bushes and at least three empty bottles next to them.
She’s only met Mark once--and that’s because he’d been with Donghyuck when Renjun was walking Jaemin to his first date, trying to give her best pep talk. They had briefly talked before leaving Jaemin and Donghyuck alone, but the vibe she had got of him was of a chill guy and not someone who’d throw a party like... that.
“Well,” Jaemin rubs the back of his neck. He also looks a little surprised by the situation, his eyes wide as he looks around him, stepping over the leg of someone just laying down. “By what Hyuckie told me, it was supposed to be something calmer than whatever is happening, that’s for sure.”
“Huh. I wonder what happened then.”
They walk inside and immediately Renjun is hit by the warmth inside the house; there are too many people, too many bodies pressed together, in a small space. It’s impossible to find someone there, so they wander to where they think the kitchen might be, stumbling into some people and definitely stepping on some feet along the way.
Jaemin, with his easy-going personality and charming smile, manages to secure them a bottle, and Renjun takes a few shots with him, ready to forget about all her worries and that damned unfinished paper she left back at home. They keep laughing and trying to talk over the loud music until the alcohol starts to set in and Jaemin drags her to the makeshift dance floor in the next room.
Renjun loves that--having fun with her best friend and not thinking about anything else.
They dance until Jaemin is panting and Renjun feels her throat too dry--starting to bear on uncomfortable--so they head back to the kitchen, the bottle in Jaemin’s hand lost at some point in between jumping with his hands above his head and falling on the floor after a badly timed shove on the guy next to them.
By then, she’s starting to feel a little tipsy already, just enough for her to laugh a little too hard about anything, make her a little bolder. They find Donghyuck in the kitchen, surrounded by some people and making too many drinks at the same time, but Jaemin goes straight to him, screaming his name at the top of his lungs.
Donghyuck embraces them both at the same time in a tight hug, but ends up releasing Renjun in order to snake his arms around Jaemin’s waist and bring him close to the counter, passing a drink to him.
Renjun laughs at Jaemin’s flushed face--both from the dancing and the proximity with Donghyuck--but Jaemin is in such a good mood that he doesn’t bat an eye and just accepts Donghyuck’s drink, leaning against him, eyes never leaving his face.
“Did you see Jeno?” Renjun asks loudly, trying to make sure she’s heard over the loud music.
“What?” Donghyuck screams. Jaemin winces with Donghyuck’s volume right by his ear and Renjun gets closer to them, grabbing one of the drinks that Donghyuck was making.
“Jeno! Have you seen her?”
“What?”
“Jeno! Have you--”
“I’m just fucking with you, you don’t need to yell like that,” Donghyuck says, laughing out loud and slapping the counter. Renjun rolls her eyes. “Yeah, she’s around here.”
She tries to ask him more, but Donghyuck seems like he’s not paying any more attention to her, too enamored with Jaemin’s presence next to him.
“Thanks…” she mutters, annoyance dripping from her every word. “I’ll see you later,” she says to Jaemin, ignoring Donghyuck who was making eyes at Jaemin. Jaemin, at least, waves at her before turning his head and talking with Donghyuck, leaning more in his embrace.
Renjun walks back to where the dance floor is but has no luck. She tries some other rooms and even goes outside for a moment, but Jeno isn’t in any of these places and she’s starting to get a little frustrated. She catches a glimpse of Jaemin going outside of the house when she’s coming back from the bathroom, but pays him no mind; since he didn’t call her phone to say anything, she imagines he was just going out with Donghyuck.
It’s when she walks back into the kitchen to grab another drink that she immediately recognizes Jeno’s back. And it’s impossible not to--especially when Jeno is wearing the denim jacket that Renjun had painted the back of.
All the sullen mood vanishes from her body in a flash, and Renjun almost glides towards Jeno, stopping just behind her. She taps Jeno on the shoulder, a smile already on her face. “Hey, Jen.”
Jeno jumps in place, eyes big, and almost spills whatever was in the cup in her hands over the counter. She smiles sheepishly, but then realizes who it was and beams, “Junnie!”
Jeno envelops her in a quick hug and Renjun tries not to melt away with just the girl’s touch. Jeno’s always too attractive, Renjun thinks, but the way she had brushed her dark hair back and away from her forehead really was something else.
Renjun swallows dryly.
“Have you arrived just now?” Jeno asks, smiling wide, her dark eyes crinkling at the corners. She’s leaning back against the counter and Renjun crowds close to her.
“A while ago,” she answers, stealing away Jeno’s drink for a second before giving it back to her. Jeno only smiles fondly, letting Renjun do whatever she wants.
Now it’s easy to talk with Jeno without feeling like dying on the spot. Renjun almost feels like all the times she was panicking and suffering just because of Jeno’s presence had happened months and months ago. A few make-out sessions and some tongues down their throats really make quite the bonding experience.
“Oh, your hair is different today,” Jeno says, fingers brushing the ends of her hair and tucking a lock behind her ear. Renjun really didn’t make anything different, but Jeno was always randomly complimenting her and looking for an excuse to touch her. “You’re looking very pretty.”
Renjun doesn’t swoon, but she gets close enough. Maybe even blushes a little under Jeno’s heated gaze.
It doesn’t feel fair, to Renjun, that Jeno gets to say something like that when she looks like she just walked out of one of Renjun’s dreams, materializing in front of her with all dark eyes and hair brushed back.
“Yeah?” Renjun breathes, watching the glint in Jeno’s eyes that she now recognizes as to when the girl is preparing to make a move. “I did it for you,” she says, moving closer to Jeno, resting one hand on Jeno’s shoulder and the other on her waist. Her blood rushes hotly through her body, making her feel all heated and a little dizzy. “Wanted to look pretty just for you.”
“But you always look pretty though,” Jeno mumbles. Her strong arms encircle Renjun’s waist and Renjun sinks against her touch.
Renjun can see how Jeno’s gaze keeps falling down from her eyes to her lips, and she smiles a little with the thought that she’s not the only one who seems like she can’t resist the other.
“Yeah?” Renjun says lightly, more breath than air. “You’re beautiful as always. Don’t even need to try.” Renjun rejoices internally when she sees a light flush creeping in Jeno’s cheeks and smiles, “My pretty girl,” she says, hand crawling from Jeno’s shoulder to cup her cheek, thumb caressing the skin. “You make me crazy every time I see you.”
Jeno lets out a breathy giggle, biting down on her lower lip, and Renjun leans up to brush her lips on Jeno’s mole under her eye, quickly pecking her once on the lips right after.
“You always look like a fucking dream, Jeno-ya.”
It’s a big difference from their first meeting, but now, after some time, Renjun has found out that she fucking enjoys the thrill that runs through her veins when she can reduce Jeno to a blushing mess just because of her words or actions. In the end, Jeno just looks tough because of her appearance, but Renjun thinks that she’s the softest girl ever. Maybe she’s a little biased, but she can’t help but be when the matter is about Jeno.
And when Jeno just keeps looking at her like that, Renjun needs to control herself and not jump on the other girl immediately. Renjun curls one finger around the belt loop of Jeno’s pants, tugging it slightly and smirking just a little, looking at Jeno through a half-lidded gaze. “Do you wanna go somewhere else?”
Jeno is quick to agree, holding her hand and enlacing their fingers together as they navigate through the house. Differently than Renjun, Jeno had been in that place some other times, so she has no problem in finding the right place.
They stop in front of a door that has a paper with “Don’t enter!!! Plz!!!” stuck on it with a piece of cute washi tape of little corgis. Jeno ignores the sign and opens the door.
“Can you do that?”
“Yeah, it’s Mark’s room,” Jeno answers, shrugging her shoulders as if that answered everything. “He won’t mind too much.”
Renjun isn’t sure that Mark won’t complain when he finds out about that, but she’s also not going to complain on Mark’s behalf, especially because he let the room unlocked when a party’s happening. Jeno closes the door behind her and stays there, her back against the wood, dark eyes watching Renjun stroll inside.
Renjun stops when she doesn’t feel Jeno at her back and turns. She crosses the distance between them in just a few steps, her gaze fixated on Jeno’s eyes, wanting to convey everything she’s feeling in just a look.
She cradles Jeno’s jaw in her hand and leans in. “Can I kiss you?”
Their lips are almost brushing together, but she still waits for Jeno’s answer. Jeno gives a firm nod, releasing her lower lip, and Renjun surges forward, trapping it between her own teeth. Jeno groans and her hands encircle Renjun’s waist, pulling her forward against her body. Renjun uses the opportunity to really kiss her, slotting their mouths together and leaning up to get a better angle.
There’s a fire burning inside her body, and Renjun can taste the alcohol Jeno’s had as she licks inside her mouth, her other hand pulling Jeno’s hair just in the way Renjun knows she likes.
It feels too good to stop, even when oxygen is running low. Renjun doesn’t want to separate, doesn’t want to do anything that isn’t drowning inside Jeno and her essence, but the lack of air gets enough that Jeno breaks their kiss to heave deeply, eyes hooded as she stares down.
“Jun,” Jeno rasps, her chest heaving.
Renjun supposes that she isn’t faring any better, but before she can pull and kiss her senseless, Jeno turns their position, and now Renjun is the one who has her back against the door.
Renjun gasps with the sudden movement and Jeno uses that to envelop her lips with her own, tongue caressing the roof of her mouth. Renjun arches into the touch, a whimper escaping her.
Jeno breaks the kiss and leans down, brushing her lips against Renjun’s neck and Renjun can only tilt her head, granting Jeno access to her skin, fingers digging deep into Jeno’s hips and pulling her as close to her body as possible. Jeno comes back to her lips and Renjun let herself be devoured, moaning around her tongue, pulling at the edge of Jeno’s jeans jacket.
She needs skin, she needs contact. Jeno slides one leg between Renjun’s thighs and Renjun snaps, hips working automatically, and skirt riding up as Renjun grinds against Jeno’s thigh. Jeno kisses her like it’s the last time and she wants to imprint every inch of her in her mind, and Renjun can only let her, whimpering against her mouth and moving her hips, in search of some kind of release.
Jeno’s hands slid down, one of them stopping at her waist, touch venturing towards her back, while the other keeps going down until she’s hoisting up one her legs, hand warm and strong on the back of her thigh. Renjun sighs into Jeno’s mouth with the new angle, grinding down on her thigh and breaking off into a moan when Jeno bites her bottom lip hard.
She must have done something fucking great in another life, Renjun barely thinks, her mind all hazed, to be gifted the opportunity of being thoroughly kissed by Jeno like that, pressed against the door with Jeno’s broad figure against her body, blood rushing hotly through her veins and lighting her insides on fire.
“Baby,” Renjun barely says, more air than voice coming out of her mouth. “Baby.”
Jeno grunts something and just leans back when the lack of oxygen gets too much. She doesn’t lower Renjun’s leg back down, hand sliding up her thigh and under her skirt until it settles on her ass, her touch warm and raising goosebumps along the way.
Renjun shivers. “Baby,” she says again, planting a kiss on the underside of Jeno’s jaw, sucking on the skin there. “Bed.”
That makes Jeno lower her leg, and they shuffle until the bed is close enough, Jeno walking backward and Renjun guiding her, trying not to be too distracted by Jeno’s mouth on the base of her neck and her hands gripping her ass over the skirt.
When the back of Jeno’s legs hit the edge of the mattress, she starts to lower herself to sit down, bringing Renjun together with her with a tight grip on her hips, but Renjun pushes Jeno down and quickly climbs on her lap, pushing up her skirt and placing Jeno’s hand over her thighs, leaning against her touch.
“Junnie,” Jeno can barely utter before Renjun crash their lips together and enlaces her arms around Jeno’s neck, bringing their bodies as close as possible.
Jeno’s hands wander over the skin, sliding down to her inner thighs and barely brushing against the edge of her dampened panties before Renjun starts to undulates her hips, trying to make the material of the skirt ride up and open her legs wider.
Frustrated, Renjun breaks off the kiss and sits up, harshly pulling up the skirt to her hips, panting hard. She can’t think straight, and the only thing she knows is that she needs Jeno’s hands and mouth on her body and that those things aren’t happening right now. Despite Jeno’s appearance--her bitten-red lips, flushed cheeks, and half-lidded gaze--, she lightly brushes her lips on Renjun’s sternum in a soft kiss and Renjun swears that she can almost feel the heat from her lips despite the shirt in the way.
Renjun sinks down on Jeno’s lap again, the heat on the pit of her belly making its way up to her entire body. She’s fucking ascending to heaven at the moment--she fucking knows she is--with the feel of Jeno’s hands on her thighs and Jeno’s mouth on her neck and Jeno’s body against her chest. There’s no way that this is real life.
Jeno bites down on a little spot on her neck that makes Renjun whine out loud and she’s so--
“Fuck!”
There’s a scream that sounds out from behind her and Renjun scrambles away from Jeno’s lap, falling onto the floor in her hurry. She’s desperately pulling her skirt down when she looks up and catches a look at Jaemin’s scandalized face.
“Jaemin! What the fuck?!”
She’s still panting down heavily, heart racing against her chest. When she turns to take a look at Jeno, she sees that the girl isn’t faring that much better than she was, sporting a flushed face and marks dotting her neck.
Jaemin looks mortified and he doesn’t look in Renjun’s direction when he talks, his hand holding tight the doorknob, “Fucking close the door next time,” he hisses through his teeth. “Oh my god. I didn’t need to see that.”
“Fuck off,” Renjun snaps, glaring at him. She picks herself up from the floor and brushes down her skirt, making sure it’s all okay.
There’s a terrible, awkward silence invading the room, and Renjun sees how Jeno’s avoiding to look at Jaemin’s direction and how Jaemin just doesn’t move.
“Are you just going to stay there?” Renjun asks, an edge on her voice. She stands next to Jeno who’s still sitting on the edge of the mattress.
That seems to get Jaemin’s attention, for he blinks until a guilty smile creeps in on his face, “Ah… you see--I’m going to need this bedroom, so if you could just…” he motions to the outside of the door and rubs at the back of his neck.
“No. Fuck off,” Renjun says. “I was here first.”
“Junnie,” Jaemin goddamn whines, not budging from his spot. “I have roommates. You live alone. Don’t kill my vibe like this, please.”
She stares hard at Jaemin for three whole seconds until she inhales deeply, wrapping her hand around Jeno’s arm. “You owe me a big one, Na Jaemin,” Renjun says, still glaring daggers at him, but wiping off that look when she turns to Jeno.
Jeno quickly looks between her and Jaemin but ends up muttering an “Okay” even with her flushed cheeks and bashful expression, fixing her denim jacket when she gets up.
“You’re saving my life,” Jaemin whispers to Renjun when she leaves the bedroom, and Renjun rolls her eyes.
“And you’re fucking with mine.”
Jaemin only smiles with that eating-shit grin of his and Renjun huffs annoyed, leaving him in front of the door.
When they get back to the middle of the party, Renjun is just ready to invite Jeno to her place, but as soon as Renjun opens her mouth, another song starts playing and Jeno’s expression changes when she recognizes the music, her eyes lightening up.
Renjun grabs her hand and tugs it slightly to get her attention. “Do you wanna go dance?”
It’s hard for Jeno to make out what she’s saying over all the loud noise, but Jeno nods and soon Renjun is back at the dance floor, now with Jeno’s body in front of her, moving to the beat of the song.
And, at that moment, Renjun couldn’t see anything else but Jeno--Jeno and her big smile; Jeno and her pretty eyes reflecting the bright, colorful lights around them; Jeno and her ecstatic expression, so free and careless as she sings at the top of her lungs.
Renjun doesn’t know the words, doesn’t know the song, but just enjoying that moment with Jeno, seeing her joyful energy, it’s enough. It’s more than enough.
One song ends and another begins right after, and soon Renjun loses count of how many songs have been, focused only on Jeno’s face in front of her, on the hand heavy around her waist, the lips that found their way to hers once again, making her feel breathless and sinking against the warm feeling in front of her.
Jeno tastes heavenly against her tongue and Renjun can’t help but grab tightly onto the girl in front of her, chasing her lips and the skin of her neck the moment she pulls away. And if she starts to grind a little against Jeno again, then everyone that is around them is too busy or too drunk to care about that.
Under the colorful lights, with her heart pumping to the beat of the song, Renjun looks at Jeno and she feels like she could spend every second of that night there--wishes the night didn’t have to end so she could stay under Jeno’s gaze, under Jeno’s touch.
But it gets too hot on the dance floor so they move to the outside, grabbing some drinks along the way. The backyard is even more filled with people, but they secure a place away from the pool and the groups of drunken people, having as a company only the background noise coming from inside the house and the chill breeze.
They talk a little and make-out a lot, and when Renjun checks her phone, she gets surprised by how much time had passed already since she got there with Jaemin.
“Are you going back to your place today?” Renjun asks, tilting her head to the side and giving move space to Jeno’s lips to move on her skin. “Or are you staying with Hyuck?”
Jeno detaches from her neck to answer, puppy-like eyes staring back at her, lips all swollen and red. “I’m staying here,” she says. “I said I’d help Mark with the cleaning, so me and Hyuck are going to crash in his room.” Ah. That explains how Jeno knew where to go and why she wasn’t bothered by using Mark’s room even with the paper on the door. Renjun nods. “Sorry,” Jeno mumbles, back to brushing her lips along the column of her neck.
Renjun makes a noise from the back of her throat, feeling a shiver run down her spine. “What? No. It’s not a problem, there’s always the next time.”
Jeno doesn’t answer, busy licking down her neck, but Renjun feels like she needs to make sure that Jeno understood what she had just said. “Jen, baby? I don’t want you feeling like we need to have sex or do anything every time we meet, okay? Just staying together with you is enough for me.”
Jeno hums and sucks another mark under her jawline. Renjun is sure that, by tomorrow, her neck will look like a mess, but she doesn’t care enough about that to pull Jeno away, and instead she sinks down against her touch.
“I know,” Jeno says after a while. “But thanks.”
It’s easy to fall under the trap of getting off every time they’re together, but Renjun likes Jeno too much and she doesn’t want to possibly end up fucking up whatever they have just because of sex. She wants to go on stupid dates with Jeno, and do nothing by her side when she’s feeling low, wants to know all her sides, what she thinks about things and all her likes. She wants everything.
They stay together in the backyard until Renjun’s phone starts ringing. A few minutes later, Jaemin is stumbling into the backyard with his shirt barely buttoned-up, phone in hand, and a stupid grin on his face.
“Thought you might have gone away!” Jaemin exclaims, sitting down on the grass. “But I also knew you wouldn’t leave me alone!” He’s talking in that high-pitched voice he always does when he’s too buzzed to care about other people hearings. “Ah--hi, Jen. Didn’t talk with you today, oops.”
“Hey, Jaemin.”
Jaemin leans his head on Renjun’s shoulder and Renjun needs to look to make sure he hadn’t fallen asleep when he stays quiet for too long.
“Are you tired, Jaem? Do you wanna go?”
Jaemin whines and shakes his head, but he’s yawning right after that. “Just a little... dizzy.”
Renjun shares a look with Jeno and smiles apologetically, “I think I’m gonna need to get him home.”
“Hmm… I’ll check up on Hyuck then. Make sure he’s okay.”
By the mention of Donghyuck’s name, Jaemin nuzzles his head on Renjun’s shoulder and mumbles, “He’s passed out on the bed, but there’s a trashcan with him.”
“Yeah, I’ll definitely be checking up on him then.”
Jeno accompanies them to the front of the house and waits for their Uber to arrive, helping Renjun with Jaemin’s weight upon her.
“Not really the end I was expecting for tonight,” Renjun says after she buckled up Jaemin on the backseat and turned to say goodbye to Jeno. “But I had a lot of fun.”
Jeno pecks her once, gently. “Me too. Thank you for coming even though I know you’re busy. Text me when you get home?”
“Okay.”
Renjun can’t resist stealing another kiss from Jeno before she enters the car, avoiding looking at the driver in the eyes. Jaemin groans when the car starts moving and he tilts his head, eyes glazed as he looks at Renjun.
“Did you make your move?” He asks, voice slurred.
“Nope.”
“C’mon, Junnie. Just… ask…”
Renjun turns to look through the window before the car makes a turn, barely being able to see Jeno’s form retreating back inside the house, the painting on the back of her denim jacket a stark contrast with her surroundings. She sighs, sinking against the car seat, mulling over her thoughts. There’s no doubt about what she wants, but she still hesitates, afraid of receiving a rejection or, maybe, be reading the signs wrongly.
“Maybe I’ll soon.”
“God,” Jaemin groans, throwing his head back and closing his eyes. “Just… do it. Don’t go and… start freaking out here… that’s my job--do you hear that?”
“Yes, Jaem,” Renjun chuckles and pats down his hair, buttoning up his shirt in the right way. “I’ll certainly remember this. Don’t worry.”
Jaemin grunts, satisfied by now. Renjun watches him fondly while trying to calm her racing heart with the thought of asking Jeno to be her girlfriend. Maybe she’ll do that soon.