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Such a Luxury

Summary:

Everything had finally gotten to Diego, and it leaves him feeling different.

Notes:

Soooo I've been busy with my original writing lately, but the second season on Umbrella Academy snatched me up and shook me and said "write baby Diego". And who am I to deny that? Especially with the severe lack of baby Diego.

This is just a quick little oneshot, so it's a little (actually very) messy. I was handwavey with the exact timeline of things because I wanted Luther there and couldn't remember exactly what was happening at the point I've set this at.

Hopefully this little snippet is enjoyable to someone else!

Work Text:

Things had not been going well for a long time, and Diego was at his limit. There was the end of the world, getting slung through time, being stuck in a mental hospital in the 60s, those weird blonde assholes that had tried to kill him, Five coming back... And now there was another apocalypse set to happen in a few days.

But that was fine, it had to be fine. He was supposed to be a hero and handle whatever was thrown at him. The thing that had really set him over? Mom.

Diego had come to terms with not seeing her ever again after what happened. But then she was there and alive of all things. Same old Mom. When he spotted her at the party, he couldn't remember the last time he had been so happy. Though the glimmer of happiness that bubbled warmly in his chest was snuffed the moment they spoke and she looked at him. Looked at him like she didn't recognize him. Confused because some grown man had called her mom because of course he slipped up. It took Diego a beat too long to realize that she wasn't his mother, certainly not the one he knew. Her voice wasn't right. She didn't know him. And damn, did that hurt. Hurt was an understatement really. It felt more like he had the breath knocked out of him.

He tried desperately to keep it together. When they got back to Elliot's he could feel himself spiraling. Sure, there had been some real hard nights while he was in the mental hospital. Some nights where he might have found himself taking small comforts where he could find them in habits he thought long forgotten. This was similar but somehow different still. He suddenly felt so small and helpless, his thoughts flitting about in an unsettling way. Diego didn't even say anything to anyone, just locked himself in the bedroom Elliot was allowing them to use. No one could see him like this (whatever this was). Even if he really wanted one of his siblings to comfort him right now—and why did he want that?—they wouldn't understand. Diego didn't even understand, and he was the one this was happening to.

Sleep, he needed sleep. Sleep would fix this. Laying down with a shaky breath, Diego came to a couple realizations: the weird feeling wasn't going away and he was crying now. His head started to hurt, which only made him cry more. There was a knock at the door. He curled in on himself, and panicking pulled the thin blankets over his head. If they couldn't see him, then they couldn't hear him. Without thinking much of it, Diego brought a thumb to his mouth. The action doubled as an effort to muffle his cries and also an attempt to self-soothe (as it had helped him so much on those particularly nasty nights alone at the hospital).

Another knock, accompanied by a voice this time. "Diego? We need to talk."

Of course it was Five. He closed his eyes and burrowed deeper under the blankets. Five would make fun of him and laugh. Or worse, get mad at him. They didn't have time for Diego to be acting stupid, more stupid than usual. He wished the feeling of being so small would leave.

At least Five left him alone. Or so he had thought. His current mindset had seemingly forgotten that a locked door would not stop his brother. Five popped into the room, shaking his head at the bed before yanking the covers back. "Hey! We need to talk about our next step since we—what the hell are you doing?"

What he was seeing didn't make any sense. Diego was curled in the fetal position, crying, and sucking his thumb. And he only cried harder now that he was no longer hidden under the blankets.

"S-s-sorry! 'M, 'm sorry," he cried, leaving Five even more bewildered. Diego never apologized, his pride wouldn't let him. Never mind the fact that his stutter had made a reappearance. Obviously this wasn't the Diego he was used to dealing with, this one was...unrefined. No, that wasn't right. This one was childlike.

Five was not exactly equipped to deal with emotions, especially other people's emotions. None of them were really, but he was the worst by far. He blamed it on his isolated time spent in the apocalypse. But he did know he needed to handle this delicately, and maybe get one of their other siblings in here to handle this.

"Just...stay here. I'll be back in a little while."

Diego didn't have much of a choice. Everything felt wrong, he felt wrong. He didn't think he could fight right now, so it was probably best to lay low. Still. He had stuttered in front of Five, and Five had seen him acting like some dumb little kid. His breathing hitched and he chewed at the digit in his mouth. That was what the small feeling was. He was little. But he didn't want to be, he wasn't supposed to be. None of them had ever been allowed such a luxury.

Eventually he cried himself to the point of sleep, because when he woke a few hours later he could hear talking. Whispers above him, about him. Voices he recognized. His head hurt less now, but his mind had definitely settled somewhere softer than he was used to. Blinking awake, he looked up to find Five and Luther.

Normally, he would hate that Luther was seeing him while he felt so little. Before his nap he would have been afraid of him making fun of him. They had, after all, always been in a sort of competition with one another. But now that he had calmed down and felt so little, Luther didn't seem so scary. No, Luther was his brother, and he was big and strong and could keep him safe. Diego didn't know what from, but he knew he wanted Luther and was glad that Five had brought him and not any of their other siblings.

He smiled shyly. "H-hi, Lu...lu..." Luther's name was hard. "Lulu," he finally settled on.

Five snorted at the nickname while Luther frowned. So Diego was acting weird, just like Five had explained. But it was endearing in a way, and Luther couldn't bring himself to be annoyed by the butchering of his name or the odd behavior. Not with the way Diego was looking up at him with those chocolate colored eyes that had no business looking so innocent.

"Hey there. I, uh, heard you had a rough time earlier. We can talk about it if you want," he said somewhat awkwardly. Apparently all their more emotionally inclined siblings had been busy with their current timeline troubles, but despite being Five's last pick Luther would try his best to help.

Diego nodded. "I sssaw M-mama," he answered. It was dumb, he should be over this. A few tears spilled down his cheeks so he squeezed his eyes shut. He heard Luther sigh. Diego knew his brother must think he was weak, but he couldn't help it. "S-she didn't...didn't 'member m-m-me," he hiccuped.

Luther shared a look with Five, lost for what he should do. All he received was a shrug. Diego never got so upset, and when he did he hid it the best he could (though the stutter was very telling). The way he was acting was weird though, almost like a little kid. A lot like one, actually. Which led Luther to coming to the natural conclusion that to comfort his brother he needed to do it how he would comfort a small crying child.

With great ease he lifted Diego up into his arms, noting the way he immediately latched on. Luther swayed and bounced him, one large hand coming up to pet his long hair. "Ssh, I've got you. I've got you," he crooned.

"You think that'll work?" Five snorted.

As if to answer his question, Diego began to settle thanks to the gentle cajoling. His cries reduced to sniffles and he rested his cheek against Luther's shoulder, his thumb once again slipping into his mouth.

"Lulu, 'm ssscared," he whispered after a moment, clenching at his big brother's shirt with his free hand.

The admission was surprising, but Luther did not tease him about it. "I know, buddy. This is all really scary, isn't it?" He felt more than he saw Diego nod into his shoulder.

"Stay?"

It was the first clear word he had spoken to him, and yet there was no denying how small he sounded. How could he say no to that? "Sure, I can stay."

Diego watched as Five left, mumbling something about how this all better be fixed soon. A small whimper crawled out of his throat, one that his brother soothed away with his steady rocking. His eyes felt so heavy. And it would seem that at some point Luther had sat down on the bed, resting against the headboard. Diego simply readjusted to being on his lap, but did not let go of the worn flannel his brother had on as he snuggled up to him with a soft snuffle from around his thumb.

"Nothing's gonna get you, not while I'm here," Luther promised, dropping a kiss to Diego's temple. Not if he could help it.