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he takes in a deep breath and breathes out a puff of steam . it was silly of him to think that winter wouldn ' t come again in narnia -- narnian seasons work the way way english seasons do ; winter , spring , summer , fall -- but that doesn ' t mean that he wasn ' t expecting it . the cold bites into him the same way it had the first time he ' d stepped through a wardrobe after his sister and been drawn into a carriage by the offer of sweets .
the first time he enters into the main courtyard when it ' s covered in snow , his hands shake so badly that he can not hold his blades . his brother prys the weapons from his grip as gently as he is able and tells him to go back inside -- he listens , but his hands do not stop their trembling until he curls them into fists so tight that his nails break through his skin and then , there is only blood .
his hands stop shaking when his hands start bleeding , but that does not stop the rushing of his thoughts . his hands are bleeding but he presses them against his eyes anyways to try and block out the sight of a pale woman - witch - winter with hair and skin and clothes the same shade of pure white as the snow that drifts down from the clouds over cair paravel . he chokes out a sob .
he chokes out a sob because all he can think about is a lion and a stone table and a talk of old magics and a trade for his life because he is and always be a traitor traitor traitor king and nothing will ever change that . the sound echos off the walls of his chamber the same way it did off the walls of the cell she threw him in when she no longer had a use for him .
because she no had a use for him after he lured his brother and sisters to her doorstep , to what was meant to be their deaths . he slides back against his door and crumbles to his floor and finds that he isn ' t really choking on the sobs stuck in his throat but the air trapped in his lungs . he can ' t breath but he thinks that he might scream -- he doesn ' t hear the sound come out of him , but he hears it the same way he might hear someone else scream far down the corridor -- and his door gets shoved open without so much as a knock . his brother is beside him , hands on his shoulders , and saying his name .
his brother is on the floor beside him , shaking him by the shoulders to be quiet , ed , it ' s okay , you ' re fine and his sisters are standing in the doorway telling the guard to get out , we can handle him and all he can think about it how bloody cold he is . he ' s cold and he ' s always cold and he ' ll always be cold ; it ' s one of the only things he knows for sure -- he will always be cold , and the smell if sweets will never fail to make him sick to his stomach . he is cold and his fifteenth birthday is in three days and he ' s sitting on the floor of his chambers and he is cold .
maybe that ' s for the best . the witch - woman - winter rests in the hollow of his bones and maybe that is for the best -- he ' ll never be able to make the same mistake twice .