Chapter Text
Shinpei was alive again, but death didn’t erase his memories. He remembered everything about what had happened the previous day with Takamura. Was their friendship over? Did he really hate him?
Why was that the first thing that Shinpei worried about? My god, he really was selfish.
Takamura was right. Of course he’d be angry with Shinpei, the frog poet remembered how much his friend had grieved when his wife died, why was he so surprised that he took Shinpei’s deaths so badly?
’You cause so much pain... it’d be easier if you died and stayed dead’
He couldn’t stop mulling over those final words. Takamura could cut contact with him. It would sting, but he’d understand. Same with all his other friends: Kenji, Chuuya, Sakutarou…
Even Dan.
Shinpei could be completely alone, and he would understand, he wanted his loved ones to be happy, and they simply couldn’t be happy as long as they knew him. They could be free of Shinpei’s deaths.
Only Shinpei himself wasn’t free.
He tried not to think too much about his own demise, because it was inevitable. Every single day at some time, at some place, he’d die. Living in fear and despair was no way to handle it, so he tried to keep up his normal cheerful presence to reassure everyone that he was fine. He was ok.
Evidently, that did nothing to reassure anyone, it only made things worse. It’s true that he didn’t see anyone’s reaction to his death, nor their actions to his body afterwards, as he was… well, dead, but he knew that some people hated him.
The cigarette burn in his shoulder proved it.
But Shinpei was selfish, and he wanted to be with his friends. So that’s how he found himself on a small fishing boat with Ibuse, in the middle of the lake. The older man had offered, and Shinpei really couldn’t say no. How could he? Ibuse looked so pleased when he had accepted. Didn’t he know what Shinpei’s presence meant?
Shinpei left Gyawazu at home, placing a small kiss on his froggy head.
And now here he was, resting his elbows on the sides of the boat, looking back out to shore. He looked down, seeing his own reflection in the water.
What did he look like, he wondered, when he died? Probably not pleasant, and probably with more blood on the outside than inside him.
Gross.
Was there a way to stop it from happening? Of course there wasn’t, since no one knew why he died or came back in the first place, least of all Shinpei. He couldn’t even give a name to his condition.
He peered deeper at his reflection in the water, watching it stare back. What if… what if he fell in?
What if he died before whatever force that killed him got to him? As mentioned before, Shinpei never really thought about it before, as he liked to avoid thinking about his deaths, but it’s all he could think about since that talk with Takamura.
Would he come back if he died by his own hands?
Time was scarce before it happened again, it could happen any second. With no more time wasted on thinking, he put a leg up on the side of the boat, planning to jump overboard and drown.
Oh.
Ibuse was on board.
His foot still up, he looked back to see the old man himself, fishing rod in his hand and a quiet smile on his lips. Ibuse was a good man, and another that he considered his friend.
He wouldn’t want to see Shinpei die either, especially not like this. It wouldn’t be fair to him.
With a slight hesitation, Shinpei put his foot back down, standing on his own two feet, as he walked over to the man, looking up at him with wide eyes. Ibuse noticed this, tilting his head as he put a hand on Shinpei’s, ruffling his hair.
“What’s wrong, Kusano? You look scared, did something happen?” He asked with a tone so compassionate, Shinpei nearly broke into tears right then and there.
“Got into a fight with a friend…” He admitted as Ibuse raised an eyebrow.
“Sounds serious. You’re a good kid, Kusano, so I’m sure it’ll work itself out. Do you want to talk about it?” At this, Shinpei shook his head.
“I’ll be fine. Can I take a fishing rod and sing for you a poem I’ve been working on?” At Ibuse’s nod, Shinpei took a rod, baiting and casting it as he stood by Ibuse, chatting with him.
Shinpei would die later that day. Nothing had changed.
However, for right now, fishing with Ibuse,
Kusano Shinpei was alive.