Chapter Text
The new season of Queer Eye dropped on Netflix the first Friday in June. Peter had taken his qualifying exam the week before and was getting back to doing Spiderman stuff after a few weeks away while he prepped. Knowing he’d be too nervous to concentrate at work, he’d taken the day off.
He’d stayed out late the night before, patrolling in Jamaica, where he didn’t get to as often. It was after eight when he woke. MJ was up and eating cereal at the table.
“Morning,” Peter mumbled, rolling over.
“Good morning,” MJ said. “Happy Queer Eye Day.”
Peter was very suddenly wide awake. “Oh shit.” He sat up. “Is the internet talking about it yet? What are they saying? Are there reviews? Were the editors nice to me?”
“Whoa, calm down.” MJ got up to put her bowl in the sink. “No one’s seen it yet. You seemed pretty chill about it yesterday.”
“Yeah, well.” Peter swallowed. “I’m feeling decidedly less chill right now. I can’t believe I have to wait twelve more hours to watch it.”
MJ sat on the edge of his bed. “Do you want to watch it together right now?”
Peter hesitated. “We said we’d all get together at the tower tonight.”
“Yeah, but you know no one will care if you’ve already seen it. If you’re going to drive yourself crazy all day, it’s better for us to just rip the band-aid off. We can still go over to Tony and Pepper’s tonight.”
Peter knew she was right. “Do you have time before work?”
MJ shrugged. “I took a personal day. I had a feeling you were going to be kind of a disaster.”
Peter stared at her, surprised, though he thought he shouldn’t have been. “You’re the best, you know that?”
“Yes, I do.” MJ changed into a clean pair of sweats out of her drawer and grabbed the remote off the couch before jumping back into bed. “All right, let’s do this.”
Peter had given a handful of interviews after he came out as Spiderman, and he’d always found it really weird to watch himself on TV, especially when he didn’t have the suit to serve as armor against the outside world. This was no exception. It was even weirder to watch himself in the apartment the way it used to be, while sitting in the apartment the way it currently was –– like a funhouse mirror. A really terrible funhouse mirror.
“God, I can’t believe I used to live like that,” he muttered. He had his hands over his face and was mostly watching through his fingers. “Why did you ever put up with it?”
MJ patted him on the arm. “You have many fine qualities. I won’t say that staying over here hasn’t become a lot more comfortable, though.”
It wasn’t just the apartment. Peter didn’t know if it would be obvious to total strangers, but he could see now just how much he’d been teetering on the edge. He hadn’t thought that was true at the time, but it was obvious to him now. He’d been burned out, exhausted, lonely, and he hadn’t realized he could be any other way. Thank God the people closest to him had seen it.
“I just want him to be happy,” May told Karamo on a bench outside the Italian restaurant where they’d made the lasagna. She sounded choked up, and Peter felt his own throat tighten in sympathy. “I’m so unbelievably proud of him, but I’m worried he’ll never figure out how to be happy. I don’t want him to burn out. And I worry about him, too.”
“I can only imagine. It must be so hard knowing that he’s putting himself in danger all the time.”
“It is. But I know this is who he is. It’s what makes Peter Peter. And I love him for it, even when it scares me.”
“Are you crying?” MJ asked him suspiciously.
“No, you are,” Peter mumbled, hiding his face in his pillow.
She patted him on the head. “Such a sap.”
Things did not get less weird or less emotional after that. The next scene was the conversation Peter had had with Karamo about his relationship with MJ. There was a little bit of a break after that, while Peter was fitted by Tan, but then was the scene Peter had known was coming, where Karamo met with MJ. This was new to Peter, and he’d definitely been low-key dreading it.
“Look, I love Peter. But it’s not just that I want someone who’s going to show up to dinner on time. It’s that he keeps making decisions for me, thinking he’s protecting me, and he’s not. It makes it worse.
“Have you ever told him that?”
“About a thousand times. He never listens.”
“What if he was ready to listen? Would you be willing to say it one more time?”
“Yeah, I guess. One more time, if he’s ready.”
“Thanks for being willing to try one more time,” Peter said, rolling over so he could bury his face in her hair.
“Thanks for finally listening,” she said, putting her hand on the small of his back.
They stayed like that, MJ watching and Peter mostly listening, until Peter’s phone buzzed on his nightstand. He grabbed for it, hoping it wasn’t his lab.
It wasn’t. It was Tony.
How’re you feeling, kid?
Okay, he typed back with one eye on the screen, where Jonathan was now cutting his hair. MJ and I are watching it now. Sorry I couldn’t wait. Too nervous.
I get it. Is it okay so far?
So far, yeah. Call you later?
Sure.
Peter put his phone down. He watched himself wander around a furniture store with Bobby and tried to ignore the fact that MJ was doing something on her phone. Knowing her, she was coordinating with Ned on who was going to handle his social media response once that inevitably became necessary. But when Karamo appeared, and Peter realized that their scene was up next, he poked her to get her attention.
“Did you think we were going to get back together when you agreed to meet with me?” Peter asked.
“Honestly? No,” MJ said. “No matter what Karamo said, I didn’t think you were ready to change. Not enough for this to work. But I’ve never been this happy to be wrong.”
“You idiot, the MJ on the screen said affectionately. “If I wanted a stress-free life, I wouldn’t have kissed you on a bridge in London when we were sixteen. I knew what I was getting into. You’re worth the stress. You deserve to have people looking out for you. But I deserve to be with someone who respects me and my ability to say what I need.”
Peter shifted over so he was lying with his head resting against her hip, one arm thrown across her legs. “I still wish I could spare you the stress. I know I can’t, I know it’s your choice, but I’m never going to stop wishing I could.”
“And I’m never going to stop wanting you to let me share the load,” MJ replied, threading her fingers through his hair. “That’s what a partner does.”
“I know. I’m trying.”
“I know you are. I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t.”
The only other part Peter hadn’t been present for was the Fab Five’s viewing of the video of his party. He was nervous about it, even though he thought the party had gone well. He’d had everyone over again since, but never at all at once; despite Bobby’s best efforts, the apartment was still too small for so many people, and there wasn’t quite enough seating for everyone. But that was okay; Peter preferred small groups. And he definitely preferred not being the center of attention.
The Fab Five loft was ridiculously sunny for Midtown Manhattan. Antoni had made fancy mochas for everyone to drink as they gathered to watch Peter’s video.
”Almost as good as the ones in Stark Tower,” Jonathan remarked, sipping his. “Oh honey, that vitamin C mask did you all sorts of good,” he added to the TV. “Look how fresh and glowy his face is!”
”I really love what you ended up doing with that apartment, Bobby,” Karamo said. “This might be one of my favorite homes you’ve done.”
“Aww, thank you.”
“Oh, is that Ned?” Jonathan asked, sitting up. “He’s Peter’s best friend, he was telling me about him.”
“Ooh, good combination of t-shirt and button down,” Tan said. “I kind of wish he was wearing a belt with those trousers, but I guess we can’t have everything.”
“Oh wait, here’s his aunt,” Antoni said. “She was amazing.”
“She really was,” Karamo agreed.
“He got those meatballs just right,” Antoni said, watching Peter pull them out of the oven. “He’s actually a really good cook, he just has to make the time for it.”
“I mean, you could have said that about every aspect of Peter’s life, other than Spiderman,” Karamo said. “He just needed to make the time for it. But you can see how differently he’s carrying himself already. That first day, we could barely get him to smile, remember that?”
“He looked miserable,” Tan agreed.
“Oh hello there, Tony Fucking Stark,” Jonathan said as Tony, Pepper, and Morgan arrived. “I do love a silver fox.”
“Pepper Potts could murder you with one shoe,” Tan told him. “She wouldn’t even break a sweat.”
“Oh yeah, that is definitely true,” Jonathan agreed. “Aww, look at them all together.”
“Tony gave me so many photos of them all at the lake house that there wasn’t space for all of them,” Bobby said. “It’s obvious how much they adore Peter. All Tony wanted was for Peter to see himself as just as worthy of time and attention and care as he sees everyone else.”
“Shh, shh, shh,” Antoni said, as the camera focused in on Peter, in front of everyone else.
“Oh God,” Peter moaned, and shoved his head under his pillow so he wouldn’t have to watch himself be a dork in front of everyone else. “Tell me when it’s over.”
Thanks to his enhanced hearing, the pillow didn’t do much to muffle the sound of his own voice. He guessed it could have been worse. He hadn’t stumbled over his words or said something really stupid. It was just... painfully earnest. He’d owed that level of sincerity to all the people in his life, but it made him die a little inside to imagine millions of people watching him be that vulnerable.
Though the truth was that it made the idea of being vulnerable in front of people who really knew him way less scary. He’d been a lot more open with MJ this time around. He was trying really hard to tell May and Tony more, too, and if it made them worry about him... well, he was dealing with the guilt that came from that.
"You can come out now,” MJ said, and Peter emerged from beneath his pillow. “Oh hey, it’s our epilogue!”
“Ooh,” Peter said, sitting up straight. This, he was excited about. He and MJ had done a little photoshoot as a couple after they officially got back together and sent the photos to the producers. They appeared on the screen now, Peter with his arms around MJ at the park, MJ shoving him into a fountain, and then the two of them dripping wet, kissing.
“PETER MJ = 4-EVER,” it said underneath.
“OH MY GOD, YAAASSSS!” Jonathan yelled, throwing his arms in the air. “They are so CUTE.”
“I knew they were going to get back together!” Karamo said, and high-fived Tan and Antoni and Bobby. “You go, Peter!”
“To Peter,” Antoni said, picking up his fancy coffee drink. “Who went from a Spider-mess to his Spider-best!”
“TO PETER!” they all yelled, and the episode faded to black.
MJ used the remote to turn it off. She rolled over onto her side and propped herself up on her arm, looking down at Peter. “So?”
“It wasn’t that bad,” he admitted. “Embarrassing, but not... horrible.”
“Good. Do you want to know what people are saying?”
Peter looked up at her, mouth slightly agape. “You said no one had watched it yet!”
“I lied just a little, and also, that was an hour ago. Want to hear some of the tweets?”
“I guess,” Peter said, somewhat reluctantly.
MJ sat up, phone in hand. “‘Peter Parker is a precious muffin too good for this world, and I will fight anyone who says otherwise.’”
“Oh my God, why a muffin?”
“‘Peter Parker is a legit snack. I want to bite him.’”
“Shit, Antoni was right about the thirst tweets. I’ve never really had thirst tweets before. Is that weird for you?”
“Like I care what some rando on the internet thinks about your ass. Anyway, she’s right, you are a legit snack. But I’m the only one who gets to bite you.”
“Truth,” he agreed, grinning up at her.
“Next one. ‘GQ, why hasn’t Peter Parker graced your cover yet?’ Good question. I bet they’ll be calling after this. ‘OMG Tony Stark’s proud dad vibes with Peter Parker killed me. Seriously, I’m dead.’ It’s true. I’m not a fan of generational wealth, but you can see how proud Tony is at the idea of passing SI on to you.”
“This is so embarrassing,” Peter mumbled.
“Oh, it gets better. ‘Peter Parker should never wear anything except that pinstripe suit. Fuck the Spider-shtick, his ass is his real super power. And I don’t even like dudes.’ Can’t argue with that,” MJ added with a shrug.
“I feel objectified.”
“In a bad way?”
“... no.”
“Thought not. Here, you’ll like this one. ‘May Parker is the hero we all need in our lives.’”
“Well, that’s true.”
"Ha, here’s one. ‘My connection to Peter Parker is that we both use sea salt spray in our hair. I’ll take it.’” Peter snorted. MJ grinned. “And here’s the last one I’ll torture you with for now: ‘Peter, if this thing with MJ doesn’t work out, feel free to slide straight into my DM’s.’”
“Ugh, the worst,” Peter said, hitting her with a pillow. “Really, though, that’s it? People are just talking about my butt and saying nice things about Tony and May?”
“I mean, there are assholes,” MJ said, “because there are always assholes, but mostly, yeah. And you’re not obligated to pay attention to the assholes.”
“Okay,” Peter agreed, taking a deep breath.
“So, now that that’s over, what do you want to do today?” MJ asked.
“I have to make lasagna this afternoon.”
MJ rolled her eyes. “Okay, but this morning. Want to go to the park and take selfies and send them to Ned to brag about having the day off?”
Peter laughed. “Definitely.”
“Awesome. I call first shower.” MJ slid out of bed and headed for the bathroom.
Peter rolled over onto his stomach, propping his chin on his hands. He was a little sad that the whole thing was really, truly, a hundred percent over now. But he was also relieved. It had been... a lot.
His phone buzzed. He glanced at it and saw that Karamo had texted him. Big day. How’re you doing?
So maybe it wasn’t really over. Maybe it was one of those experiences that kind of just kept going, but in the best way. Okay, he wrote back. MJ and I watched it already. It was embarrassing but not too bad.
Glad to hear it. I think the editing was really good. But let me know if you want to talk, okay? I’m around.
Thanks, will do.
Peter held his phone in his hand for a moment, then called Tony.
“Hey, kiddo,” Tony greeted him. “How was it?”
“I did not expire of embarrassment,” Peter said, “so about as good as can be expected.”
Tony laughed. “Well, I’m looking forward to seeing it tonight. You’re still coming over, right? And staying?”
“Yep. Bringing lasagna.”
“Excellent. We’re all excited to watch it together. Though Morgan went on Twitter this morning and apparently people are being gross about your butt? She said she’s traumatized.”
Peter laughed. “Poor Mo. Tell her I’ll make it up to her. Hey, can we do waffles tomorrow?”
“Sure, kid, anything you want.”
“I want waffles and bacon.”
“Done.”
The shower turned off in the bathroom. “I gotta go,” Peter said. “I’ll see you later, all right?”
“Yep. But before you go –– I’m really proud of you, Peter. This took a lot of guts. I’m so proud of you.”
Peter felt his face go red, but he smiled anyway. “Thanks. You know what? I’m proud of me, too.”
“You should be. See you tonight.”
“See you tonight.”
Peter disconnected. He looked down at the phone in his hand, and then around his apartment. At the cereal box MJ had left out on the kitchen table, at the wall of family photos, at the lumpy afghan May had made him as a housewarming present, draped across the loveseat.
“Hey, are you showering or what?” MJ asked, opening the bathroom door and letting out a cloud of steam.
Peter shook his head. “Yeah,” he said, sliding out of bed. “I’m on my way.”
Fin.