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“It started raining on our way back, and it’s still pouring...”
“Yeah, I guess it ain’t stopping anytime soon.”
“Shiga-nii, what should we do?”
Shiga turned his sight at the younger male, who was looking at the rain before them. The train station building was bustling with people going and coming, accompanied by the rain’s melody. Their two-day trip to visit some familiar places from their past life had been a success, but now there was the rain trying to prevent them from enjoying it until the very end.
“Well, at least we took one umbrella with us. It might be slightly small for two, but it should be enough to keep us mostly dry along with all these souvenirs”, Shiga tried to reassure that the situation wasn’t that bad.
But glancing again at Ton who was all silent beside him, he had a feeling he couldn’t comprehend.
“Satomi, ya okay?” he asked carefully.
A few short moments passed, until he asked again.
“Satomi...?”
The light-blue haired man snapped back to the moment and as an answer, shook his head accompanied with a quiet “Nothing, I’m fine”.
He was confused, but didn’t want make too big number out of it. The rain was quite hypnotizing to look at after all, he admitted. But they had to get back to the Imperial Library soon, before it would start getting dark.
“Hold these for a bit”, Shiga gestured and tried to offer the two big paper bags of souvenirs they had bought for friends.
Ton took them without saying a word, giving the older man a curious look. Then the next moment, he knew what he had got into when Shiga showed the umbrella.
‘No, not these memories…!’
“If the rain ain’t letting up, we gotta just face the rain---” he was in the middle of trying to open the umbrella, when the younger Shirakaba author next to him ran off into the rain.
“Satomi!”
It all happened so fast Shiga couldn’t grasp the situation properly. All he could do was call Ton by his name aloud and dash after him, without opening the umbrella in the end.
Only a hundred meters or so behind, Ton started to slow down due to exhaustion and tried to get away with fast walking instead, fearing Shiga would catch up with him any second.
It was only a moment later when that happened indeed. Shiga grabbed him by shoulder, which forced Ton to surrender.
He embraced the two souvenir bags tightly and shivered, feeling warm tears getting washed down his cheeks in the cold rain.
‘I can’t throw you away, so you have to throw me.’
“Igo…?” Shiga let go of the shorter male’s shoulder and tried to figure out what was going on.
Ton took a deep breath and turned around. He was greeted by confused-looking Shiga.
“Dunno what got into ya, but---”
“I’ll go ahead. Shiga-nii, you can come behind in your own pace”, Ton blurted out while holding back his tears.
“Fool. Those souvenirs will get ruined if they are exposed to more rain, ya know?”
Ton fell silent and looked down, tightening his grip of the bags.
Shiga couldn’t help but let out a sigh.
“Jeez, ya should have said it right away if sharing an umbrella like back then was such a bad idea.”
He opened the umbrella and held it out for the smaller guy, staying himself in the rain.
Ton looked up at Shiga all confused, his sunset red eyes meeting a pair of beautiful green ones.
“Let’s go home, Igo . Everyone’s waiting.”
“Shiga-nii…” he said in the most pitiable voice he could. Unable to handle his feelings anymore, he closed the gap between them, burying his face against Shiga’s chest.
The taller Shirakaba author was slightly surprised, but didn’t intend to push him away either. Instead, he dropped the umbrella and embraced Ton.
“I’m sorry”, he said in low voice.
Feeling Shiga’s wet hair against his cheek, Ton closed his eyes and accepted the situation. The rain didn’t shows signs of calming down, drenching the two even further.
However, while it was raining and people went past them, it was like as if they were in their own small bubble of time and space.
Shiga didn’t even think about it how many minutes it had passed by then when Ton finally opened his mouth as if to say something after all the crying. He remained silent and gave the younger author a chance to speak if he had something to say, but didn’t expect to hear a proper explanation of what was going on.
“Shiga-nii…”, Ton said finally in a barely audible voice.
“Mmh?”
Ton was quiet again, but now Shiga was sure that he was thinking and probably just at loss of words. He was fine with. It was his fault anyways that they were in such a situation, he had concluded some moments ago… Even though no one had actually pointed at him for such. It was just a hunch he couldn’t help but take as truth.
“Throw me away… I don’t want to go back.”
What?
Shiga grabbed the shorter author by shoulders and finally had a look at him.
“Oioi, what do you mean not going back? Everyone’s waiting for you. Librarian would be sad too, ya know?”
“That’s not it!” Ton snapped back at him. There was still the sad expression on his face, which was painful to look at.
“Back then I asked the same… I can’t keep living like this. It’s always Shiga-nii who drags me around and makes me feel like this! I don’t want to go back to those painful days!”
Trying to remain calm, Shiga listened to those words that made him recall a similar situation from a long time ago.
“So after all these months of spending time together, you finally remembered something like that?”
Ton’s face turned bright red that instant, this time not because of crying but because he remembered something embarrassing Shiga just brought up.
“I-it’s not that I haven’t been thinking about things for a while, stupid Shiga-nii.”
“Yet you haven’t said a word until now... Do you hate me that much?”
Trying to collect himself, Ton picked up the umbrella from the ground and ignored Shiga’s question. He didn’t want to continue this topic anymore... It was already painful enough.
“If I were to throw you away, would it be something you really want?” he asked in serious tone.
“I’m already causing worry and troubles to others for arriving late to the Library…”, Ton paused and looked at Shiga. “With Shiga-nii around, it feels like I’m going even further astray from the path I chose that day! The very day when I got to meet you and others again.”
“Igo...” Shiga approached the younger Shirakaba author again.
“Stay away!” Ton backed off and turned his back at Shiga again.
“Does it matter in the end?”
“Obviously it does! Takeo-nii and others are always worried, taking responsibility for my actions…!”
Shiga sneaked under the umbrella and caught the cold hand holding it.
“I’ll take responsibility for everything then.”
“Wh-what? Did you hit your head again or something!?”
“I don’t know what triggered those memories of yours, but I ain’t throwing ya away no matter how ya keep begging such. Whatever happens, it will be something between only us. That’s why...”, Shiga stopped and looked away awkwardly.
“Shiga-nii...?” the younger Shirakaba author looked at him curiously, wondering what happened to the serious talk so suddenly.
Then he felt Shiga’s hands grabbing his shoulders.
“Satomi… No, Igo… Forgive me for being selfish, but would ya accompany me even in this life?”
Ton wasn’t sure how to react to those words, while the man before him was all awkward and bright red like a tomato. He recalled those rare occasions when even Shiga, the cool and outgoing guy, had been shy in past life.
He chuckled.
“What’s so funny”, Shiga glared at him.
“Fufu, nothing. Just thought how it’s rare for you to be like this…”
“So?”
“So…?”
Hesitantly, Shiga leaned in closer and whispered into his ear.
“Your answer.”
Ton found those words ticklish, giving him shivers down his spine. He felt the redness growing on his face too, but thinking that he shouldn’t hold back, he had his revenge and tip-toed close to Shiga.
“What if I said no?” he side-eyed Shiga, who seemed to show displeasure towards such a tone.
“Just kidding~” Ton continued playfully and backed off to see the older man’s face better.
“You sure have guts to joke about this kind of stuff, huh.”
“That’s because we’ve known each others for a long time, Shiga-nii.”
“Yeah... Anyways, I think we should get going. I’m starting to feel cold and you are the same, right?”
Ton looked at himself and the two paper bags, that were all drenched. He agreed that they had been staying still a bit too long time.
Shiga took the umbrella from him and as if nothing had happened, they continued their way back to the Library.
Meanwhile they joked about what others would say when they get back all wet, somewhere deep in his heart Ton wasn’t over with what happened earlier. It was easy to pretend to be fine, after all. He wasn’t sure if Shiga brushed off it all or was he also hiding something, but what he was sure about was the mutual feeling of needing each others.
Closing his eyes for a moment while walking and Shiga was talking about something, Ton let out a relieved sigh.
‘I can’t throw you away, so you have to throw me.’