Chapter Text
Gordon spends entirely too much time wallowing in self-pity, laying in his bed and staring at the ceiling when what he should be doing is getting off his ass and texting Benrey. Or doing something ridiculously rom-comy like showing up at their apartment with a bunch of roses.
… Benrey probably doesn’t even like roses, what is he thinking. Fucking- stupid. Gordon covers his face with his hands and groans. He’s fucking- god, he’ll admit it: he’s fucking guilty as hell. He rolls over in bed to press his face into a pillow, groaning louder. He is, quite possibly, the biggest piece of shit who’s ever existed.
He gets up and turns the shower to scalding, because technically it’s been a few days, and wastes another half an hour hating himself while it burns off what feels like the top ten layers of his skin. He emerges only when he’s scrubbed enough that it starts to sting, throws on some clothes, and stares at his phone
I’m sorry
right off the bat was weird, right?
Hey
nope nope nope.
So we’re soulmates Jesus Christ, Gordon, get it together.
[Benrey]: yo you know i can see when you’re typing right.
… Fuck. Gordon’s face goes bright red, and his thumb freezes in the middle of erasing his last message. Sure enough, the little typing bubble pops up with Benrey’s profile picture next to it, and he kind of feels like an idiot while he waits with bated breath.
[Benrey]: lmao lil feetman too scared to send a message. cringe
[Gordon]: Oh my God, I can’t even fucking apologize without you pulling this shit.
[Benrey]: apologize? for what lol
[Gordon]: …
[Gordon]: Do you want to come over?
[Benrey]: yea sure why not lol
Gordon squeezes his eyes shut and turns off his phone, heard thundering as he prepares to sit there and wait, but to his surprise, Benrey just sort of- appears. It’s kind of messy, the lower half of his body clipping out of his front door, and definitely terrifying. Gordon leaps to his feet, swearing, while Benrey, muttering under their breath, pulls himself out of the door, stumbling slightly.
They pull his hat back down by the strings and brush nonexistent dust off the front of their shitty sweater, throwing a peace sign up. “what’s up gamer lol.”
“Jesus fucking- holy shit, what the fuck, you can’t just- what the fuck was that, dude?” Gordon says, pocketing his phone and trying to calm his racing heart. His face is definitely still bright red. Fuck.
“huh wha,” Benrey says, completely deadpan, and Gordon can already tell he’s not gonna win this battle.
“I- yeah, okay, whatever, fuck. Just give a guy some warning next time, okay? Jeez.” Gordon exhales sharply, pinching the bridge of his nose to fend off the upcoming frustration headache.
“wha? huh?” Benrey blinks at him like he’s an idiot, and Gordon gives up.
“Nevermind, man, just.... Uh.” Gordon fidgets, twisting his hands together. “I’m, uh, sorry?”
“haha, um,” Benrey avoids his gaze, picking at their hangnails. “for what dude lmao we’re chill.”
“For, uh, implying that you would be a bad soulmate? I guess? Or that, um, I wouldn’t date you?” Gordon laughs nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and staring at the ground. “I just, uh..” he licks his lips and casts a nervous glance back up at Benrey, who is still decidedly avoiding his gaze. “Lashed out? I guess? Um.” He blows out a nervous breath. “Yeah.” He looks back up at Benrey, who stares at his feet, still picking at their hands.
They swallow, shoving his hands in their sweater pocket. “haha, so what, you would date me?”
The tension in the room is thick enough to cut. Electricity crackles on Gordon’s skin. His mouth is so, so dry. He swallows, taking a deep breath, and nods.
Benrey’s blushing, his gaze still directed at the wall next to him. Gordon’s heart feels like it’s going to pound out of his chest. Jesus. “... haha gayass,” Benrey says, finally looking up at Gordon to flash him a shit-eating grin.
… God. It’s a joke.
It’s always been a fucking joke with Benrey, hasn’t it? The whole time- holding his hand, taking them to the carnival, the fucking brunch date- it was all just some bullshit to fuck with Gordon, getting their rocks off by yanking him around. Fuck.
He’s so fucking angry.
Something in his chest twists and snaps, and he sees red. “Do you think this is funny? What the FUCK is your problem?” Gordon snaps.
Benrey blinks in surprise, recoiling, then snarls, fists balling at his sides. “what’s the fuck is MY problem? what the fuck is YOUR problem!” they shout back. “i’ve never done anything to you!”
“Never done- buddy, my life is all fucked up and the reason is because the universe or whatever decided we were made for eachother or some bullshit like that. It’s because of you ! Because you are the most infuriating person I have ever met!”
Benrey gets up in his personal space, thumping their finger on his chest. “bro it’s not my fault you have a stick so far up your ass you don’t know what fun even looks like anymore,” he says, “and it’s not my fault you’re so emotionally constipated that the idea of a commited relationship makes you lose your fucking marbles.”
Gordon sputters. It stings, hitting right where it hurts. “Don’t- don’t fucking touch me, man!” He takes two steps back, but Benrey follows him, their claw-like nail digging into the fabric of his shirt.
“it’s not my fucking fault mommy didn’t hug you enough,” thunk , “it’s not my fault you’re scared of the big bad gay,” thunk , “it’s not my fault that-”
“FUCKING SHUT UP!” Gordon shoves him by the shoulders, hard, and Benrey barely shifts. “I fucking know , okay?” His voice cracks painfully on the last word, and he cringes. Fuck, is he crying? When did he start crying? Benrey’s furious expression drops, and Gordon backs up until he hits the wall, frantically wiping the tears away.
“... gordon?” Benrey takes a hesitant step forward, his hands hovering.
“I’m sorry,” Gordon gasps, a sob tearing itself from his lips. “I’m sorry, I’m all fucked up, I’m sorry.”
“uh- hey, hey, you’re not- you’re not fucked up, gordon,” Benrey says. Slowly, he walks forward, awkwardly holding his arms up in a clear invitation.
Gordon crumples. He falls into Benrey’s open arms, tucking his face into their shoulder and just- letting it all go. All the stress that’s been winding him up, the frustration building over the past week of Saturdays, it all comes crashing down.
“uh- it’s okay, bro, i got you,” Benrey says, squeezing Gordon closer. “i got you, it’s okay.”
Gordon doesn’t know how long he sits there, crying into Benrey’s sweater while they rub soothing circles in his back, but it’s… a long time. When he finally lifts his head, wiping his face, their shoulder is soaked through with tears. “... Sorry,” he says, sniffling.
“don’t- uh, don’t apologize, bro,” Benrey says, lifting a hand to cup Gordon’s face, wiping away a few tray tears from under his eye. They stare. Benrey keeps his hand there. The electric energy is back, and Gordon swallows.
“... I’m kind of fucked up right now, huh.” Gordon laughs wetly, biting back the impulse to apologize again. He’s sure he looks anything but attractive- puffy eyes, snot nose, the whole shebang.
“happens to the best of us bro, no biggie,” Benrey says, shrugging. His thumb moves in soothing back-and-forth motions, and Gordon leans in, letting his eyes flutter closed. They sit there in silence for a few moments, the only sound their breathing. When Gordon flutters his eyes open, Benrey’s blushing again, lips slightly parted. Gordon’s eyebrows wrinkle in confusion as Benrey turns his head, spitting a stream of pink Sweet Voice.
“Pink? What does that mean?” Gordon asks.
“blush,” Benrey corrects on automatic, then flushes even more blue. “its- uh, nothing, bro.”
“You said they rhyme, right?” Gordon presses, and Benrey finally removes his hand from Gordon’s face to cover his own.
“so dumb, should never have told you that, stupid,” Benrey mumbles, more Sweet Voice spilling out from between his fingers. “fuck.”
“Blush?” Gordon pauses, thinking it over. “... crush?” He guesses, smiling smugly when it causes more Sweet Voice to spill out from between Benrey’s fingers.
“bro. bro what the fuuuuuck that’s fucking gay,” Benrey gripes, and Gordon realizes something.
“Is this just how you react to being embarrassed ?” Gordon asks.
Benrey peeks at him through his fingers. “huh wha.”
“Oh my God, it is!” Gordon exclaims, reaching forward and grasping Benrey’s wrists to tug their hands away from his face. Benrey avoids his gaze, still blushing furiously with his lips stained blush. “That explains so much, fucking- God.” He laughs, leaning in and pulling Benrey back into a hug. They linger like that only for a moment before pulling back.
“... so soulmates, huh.”
Gordon laughs, and Benrey lights up a little, slipping his hand into Gordon’s real subtle-like. Gordon hesitates for a second before leaning in and resting his forehead against theirs.
“I.. I think I really like you, man,” Gordon says.
Benrey sighs, a little shivery. His breath puffs against Gordon’s face. “... yeah? gonna, uh, do anything about that?”
In lieu of a response, Gordon leans in, pressing his lips to Benrey’s.
It’s… soft. Surprisingly so. Gordon makes a soft noise and Benrey’s hands come up to tangle in Gordon’s hair, tugging him down a little so Benrey can reach him better.
When they finally separate with a soft smack , Benrey grips the front of Gordon’s shirt. “you, uhhh, finally good to admit we’re soulmates, bro?”
“Yeah,” Gordon says, rolling his eyes. “... want to get lunch?”
Benrey thinks about it for a second. “you, uh. mind staying in, bro?”
Gordon nods. “Yeah. You like mac n’ cheese?”
“fuuuuck yeah, bro,” Benrey says, “mac time.”
When the time comes, Gordon doesn’t even have to ask Benrey to stay the night. Benrey climbs in after him and wraps their arms around his waist, pushing their face on his back and sighing contentedly.
They wake up, tangled together in Gordon’s sheets, on Sunday morning.
“C’mon, we’ve got to pick up Joshua,” Gordon calls, pulling on his jacket. Benrey, sitting on the couch, groans loudly, pausing his PS3 game.
“ugggggghhhh,” they say, slamming their head against the back of the couch. “i dont see why i have to coooooooooome.”
“Because,” Gordon says diplomatically, “Emily wants to meet you, and I think she has a right to, since you’re going to be helping raise her son.”
Benrey flushes a little. “i mean when you put it that way,” he says, getting to their feet and shoving his hands in their sweater pocket.
...Gordon’s not an idiot. He knows this all looks really fast to Emily: within a month of meeting Benrey they’ve already moved in together and she was frankly a little suspicious. Benrey hadn’t met Joshua yet- weird work hours combined with nerves meant Gordon’s weeks in the past had meant no visits- but now Benrey had moved in, and there was no avoiding it.
They look down at the sweater he’s wearing- Gordon’s MIT sweater, actually- and fiddle with a loose string. “... d’ya think they’ll like me?” he asks.
“Stop that, you’re gonna ruin the sweater,” Gordon chides, pulling their hand away and lacing their fingers together. “I think they’re gonna love you.” He smiles warmly.
Benrey’s blush spreads, the tips of their ears dark blue. “... sick. uh, poggers.” He nudges Gordon with his shoulder, tilting their head towards the door. “Let’s go.”
Gordon’s smile widens, and he pulls open the door. The drive isn’t long, but it certainly feels like a while- Benrey bounces his leg the whole time, and Gordon occasionally gives their hand a reassuring squeeze that earns him a brilliant smile every time.
Standing in front of Emily’s door, Gordon lifts their entwined hand and presses a kiss to the back of Benrey’s, smiling over at them. “You’ve got this,” he says, and Benrey nods.
Gordon drops his hand to knock, and soon enough Emily throws it open, smiling brightly. “Gordon, Benrey, come in!” She steps out of their way and Gordon hears squealing followed by rapid little footsteps.
“DADDY!” Joshua screeches, throwing himself around the corner and making grabby hands. “Up up up!”
Gordon laughs, picking the four-year-old up and tossing him in the air a few times before settling him on his hip. “Hiya, Joshie, you have a fun time with mom?”
“Yes!” Joshua says, wiggling happily. “I painted and played with Chrissy and watched tv and..” he keeps babbling, and Gordon nods along, making occasional affirming noises while watching Emily and Benrey from the corner of his eye.
“It’s nice to meet you, Benrey,” Emily says, leaning on her counter. “Gordon really likes you, huh?”
“oh. yeah. i guess,” Benrey says, blushing again, and Emily laughs.
Gordon’s distracted from their conversation by Josh insistently tugging on his sleeve. “What’s up, Joshie?”
“Who is that?” He asks, pointing at Benrey.
“That’s Benrey,” Gordon says. “He’s, um.. Well, they’re like Kyle.” Emily’s new husband. Gordon isn’t sure Joshua gets what he means, but the kid nods sagely.
“Benny! So he lives with us now?” Joshua asks.
“that’s right lil’ dude,” Benrey says, suddenly right next to them, and Gordon jumps. “gonna uhhhh have to tell me all about yourself lil’ bro, gotta have some bonding time.” He wiggles his finger at Josh, and Josh grips his finger. Benrey’s eyes widen in surprise.
Joshua wiggles some more. “Yay!” He reaches for Benrey, who looks at Gordon with a little bit of panic.
‘It’s fine,’ Gordon mouths, and hands the kid over. He immediately starts rambling again, and Benrey watches him, nodding every so often.
“He’s a nice guy,” Emily says, and Gordon jumps again. She laughs at him, and he scowls. “... I like them.”
Gordon smiles. “Thanks, Emily. I’m glad.”
Emily smiles back at him. “I’ll go get Josh’s bags.”
Gordon waits patiently for her to get back. Then, once he’s done buckling Joshua into the back of his car, he climbs into the front seat.
And he drives his family home.