Chapter Text
Dev
I start small, as Bunce suggested.
I start drawing him again, while we lie on his bed and he’s reading one of his novels.
I hold his hand when it’s just the two of us. He lets me do it, a soft smile lingering on his beautiful face every time I lace our fingers together.
I touch his hand and I Kiss it better when the skin breaks. Again and again.
I book an appointment with the school career advisor to ask about student loans. I don’t tell him though, not yet.
I write a letter to my parents. Scrap it. Then write another one. Set fire to it. Decide I will speak to them at Christmas; I’d rather see them one last time before they kick me out. I also need to retrieve some of Niall’s old photos from under my bed.
I tease Baz in the library and encourage Snow to have sex with him. Because I’ve seen the way Baz looks at him and I’m sure he wants him. And I know this is quite low, but I’d do anything to have Niall for myself.
I start telling Niall what I like about him. Small steps, I start with his eyes. I tell him over and over again how much I love his hazel eyes and the way they turn almost golden in the sunlight. He blushes and looks embarrassed, but he stops spelling them blue.
I tell him how much I love the freckles on his nose, how I like drawing them on his face. How I use my thumb on the brush to spray the colour on canvas when I’m painting his beautiful face. I tell him that he’s so smart and that I know he’s going to do really well in his end of year exams.
I tell him that I love it when he speaks French and that I actually understand more than he thinks. He looks surprised, but he blushes and insults me.
“T’es con.” I kiss his cheek.
I ask him to read to me and he does. I tell him that I like the sound of his voice and I fall asleep as he strokes my hair, purring like a cat.
I don’t tell him that I love him. Not yet.
Niall
Something’s changed. Dev’s been acting differently. He’s soft to me and I find myself slowly sinking into this warm feeling. This hope that something has actually changed. That this could work.
I decide to speak to Baz, because he’s my best friend and Dev is his cousin. He deserves to know and I hope that he’ll be ok with it.
He seems shocked, but he doesn’t say anything bad, so I guess that’s a positive.
I want to tell Dev that I’m in love with him, but I never seem to find the right time. I want to make it special.
So I don’t tell him. Not yet.
Dev
We’re heading for dinner on Friday, when Niall stops in his tracks. He seems to fidget for a minute and I wait for him to tell me what’s wrong, then he takes my hand and drags me towards the infirmary. We stop in front of the closed door and he turns to look at me, biting his lips.
“I…I think I need…” he starts, “I think I need to speak to the nurse…”
I squeeze his hand and I just want to hold him in my arms, wrap him in a tight embrace. But if I do that, I will end up breaking this fragile moment. He has finally decided to ask for help and I just want to be there for him.
“Would you like me to come in with you?” I ask, smiling reassuringly at him and he nods.
The nurse asks him some questions that make him flinch. He has a wobble and his voice quivers, but I never leave his side and he squeezes my hand so tight that it almost hurts. When the nurse asks to see his hands, I let go of the one I was holding and he automatically moves closer to me.
“I think you have an eczema flare up, love. You’ve been washing your hands so much, that the skin got too dry. I’ll give you a cream and we’ll also get you an appointment with the school therapist, ok?”
By the time we leave, he’s shaking. He’s a bundle of nerves, but I’m so fucking proud of him and I tell him. I whisper it into his hair, I kiss his forehead as he shudders in my arms.
“You’ve been amazing,” I say, “we’re going to get out of this.”
He drops his fork a couple of times at dinner, then afterwards he can’t concentrate on the book he’s reading and he keeps on sighing and fidgeting, moving on his bed. I’m trying to draw him, but it’s impossible since he can’t sit still. I get my art book out and I work on landscapes instead. He leaves his book and he sits next to me on my bed.
“Why do you like Friedrich so much?” he asks.
“The way he captures the light is so stunning, look at this painting,” I say showing him ‘Evening landscape with two men’.
“It’s quite dark and gloomy,” he says leaning closer.
“I don’t think it is; look at how warm the light is. And how the two men are standing next to each other. Their shoulders are touching, like they’re sharing this moment together. They’re alone out there, looking at the vast horizon, but they’re together.”
Like you and me, I fail to add. But somehow, I think he reads my mind, because his finger brushes along the page and he smiles at me.
“Time for bed?” he asks.
We don’t face each other as we change into our pyjamas, even though I desperately want to look. We get into bed and just lie quietly in the dark for a while. He’s not asleep yet; I know what he sounds like when he is.
“Dev?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
“Could you please come here?”
I don’t even ask why (I don’t care) and I leave my bed, crossing the small distance that separates us. His bed is too small for the two of us, so I snuggle closer and feel his arms wrapping around me.
“Can we cuddle up for a bit?” he asks and I nod, even though he can’t see me, because I don’t trust my voice right now.
I stroke his hair and kiss his forehead. I whisper how amazing he is in his ear. I hold him until he falls asleep. Then I try to disentangle myself without waking him up, but his hand grabs my top as I’m leaving the bed.
“Don’t go,” he says with a sleepy voice, “stay with me.”
I do.
Niall
On Saturday morning he wakes up earlier than usual and he leaves me in bed as he goes to take a shower. By the time I’m up, he’s back and the he’s putting his uniform on.
“Dev, are you drunk? It’s Saturday; you don’t need to wear that.”
“I have an appointment with Miss Possibelf and the Mage.”
I open my eyes wide and I suddenly feel very awake.
“What for?”
“I want to change my timetable and I need the approval of both of them.”
I feel my heart beating madly in my chest as I try not to overthink this. I don’t want to be too hopeful, but I have a feeling I know why he’s doing it.
“Why do you want to change it? It’s October already,” I ask tentatively.
He plays with his tie and looks nervously at his socks. One has a tiny hole; he grabs his wand and mends it with magic.
“Because I don’t want to go to Oxford. I want to study art next year,” he says, his voice nearly cracking, “I want to go to university with you.”
I want to kiss him. I want to get up and pull him into my arms. I want to tell him that I love him.
“I’m so proud of you,” I say instead and I hold my hand out for him to take. His fingers grab mine and he gets closer, his lips brushing against mine. It’s a chaste kiss, but it means so much more than any of the others we have ever exchanged before.
“I’ll be back soon,” he says.
“Good luck.”
Dev
The Mage acts like a twat (what a surprise), but thank Merlin Miss Possibelf manages to convince him to let me change my timetable. She says I will need to catch up on the new subjects I’m taking, but she’s happy for me to follow a different career path.
“Mr Grimm?” says the Mage before I leave, “have you discussed this with your parents?”
“No, I haven’t, Sir. They wouldn’t approve. They want me to take over the family business, but I don’t intend to.”
“The Old Families might not approve either,” he adds with a glint in his eyes. He’s happy, the smug bastard.
“I don’t care,” I say, “it’s my life, not theirs.”
I go to the Dining Hall to have breakfast, but there’s barely anything left to eat. Niall’s already left, but I find Bunce sitting on her own, surrounded by books.
“Hey,” I say sitting down next to her.
“Hi Dev, how come you’re so late? Niall’s already left.”
“I had the meeting with the fucking Mage. He said yes in the end.”
She knows about it; she helped me choose my new subjects and she offered to draft the letter for Miss Possibelf.
I look at her and I realise that Penelope Bunce is actually my friend. The person I would have least expected to help me sort out my life is this smart and slightly annoying girl.
“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” she says teasingly.
“Ha ha, so funny, Bunce,” I say stuffing my mouth with cereals.
“Things seem to be getting better for you,” she observes with a smile, “you look…happier. So does Niall.”
“You think?” I ask with my mouth still full. She must be used to Snow’s appalling table manners, because she doesn’t actually say anything about it.
“Yes, I was talking to him earlier and he was really excited about you deciding to study art. He told me he’s got a list of universities for both of you already sorted out.”
I mumble something and try to eat faster. I want to get back to him.
Niall
“How did it go?” I ask as soon as he comes in.
“It went well, it’s all sorted. You’ll need to help me catch up though. I’m taking some of the subjects you’ve been doing since September.”
I beam at him and feel like I could jump around.
I show him my list of universities, I tell him everything about them and he looks as excited as me. He tells me he’s applying for a student loan and I kiss him. It starts soft, just the tip of our lips brushing against each other. But then I open my mouth and my tongue licks his top lip. He groans, his arms wrap around my back and he brings me closer, deepening the kiss, sliding his tongue inside my mouth and making me moan.
Crowley, I missed him so much.
We end up on the bed. We kiss and we kiss and we kiss, until it’s lunch time and we’re both hard and panting.
“Fuck…” he says, looking so happy that it melts my heart.
We kiss again. Then, eventually, we go and have lunch.
I want to tell him that I love him, before we have sex. Maybe after lunch…
As soon as we get back to our room, his lips meet mine and I can’t help but laugh, because I’m so fucking happy.
“You know,” I say in between kisses, “you could draw me.”
He groans and presses his body against mine and I can feel him. He’s clearly happy to see me.
“Later,” he mutters, his lips on my neck.
“Like one of your French girls…” I add and that gets his attention. He pulls away and blushes as he looks at me.
“Really?”
“I promised after all,” I shrug, trying to look cool but internally screaming. What the fuck was I thinking? I should not have acted on impulse. I plan everything, including which socks I will wear the following day. Why the Titanic offer?
What the actual fuck, Niall?!
“Take your clothes off and then lie on the bed,” he says, licking his lips. He gets his pad and charcoal pencil while I undress as fast as I can, trying not to chicken out. I’m going to do this. I promised and I want to do it.
“Niall?” I nearly jump hearing my name as I’m pulling my underwear down.
“Shit, I forgot how beautiful you look naked…” he says, staring at my body. I automatically put my hand in front of my crotch, but he shakes his head.
“Don’t cover yourself, please.”
I sit on the bed, my legs closed in front of me, my knees to my chest. I feel too embarrassed to move. He’s sucked my dick before, for Crowley’s sake, but sitting naked at the mercy of his eyes is another level of intimacy.
Then I have an idea.
“I watched a French film once…” I start, “it was called ‘Ma femme est une actrice’ and it was about this guy who was jealous of his wife, because she was an actress and she had to do love scenes with the other actors.”
He murmurs something as he sits on his chair, then moves it closer to the bed, studying my pose and tilting his head. Then he readjusts the curtains, so the light in the room changes. He comes closer and his fingers brush against my cheek, then he turns my chin a bit and murmurs something that sounds like ‘perfect’.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m his muse. Maybe he just likes looking at me, because I inspire him or something.
“So this film…” he says. He was actually listening.
“Yes, this film. There’s a point where the actress has to do a sex scene and she’s suddenly very aware of everyone looking at her naked. She feels vulnerable…”
His gaze shifts, from my body to my face.
“Oh…” he says, “what does she do then?”
“She makes everyone strip.”
“What?” he asks bemused.
“She convinces the director to get the whole crew to film naked. And they film the scene starkers. There are a lot of bums…and some dicks, if I remember correctly.”
There’s a moment of silence and then I look at him.
“Niall, are you trying to ask me to take my clothes off?” he says, sounding mildly amused.
“Maybe…it seems only fair, after all.”
He starts laughing as he undresses, throwing his clothes on his bed. He’s quick, but I still enjoy the show.
He sits down again and he starts drawing. After a while I relax and I lower my legs. He turns the page and starts drawing again, focusing on my feet and my legs. I open my legs ever so slightly and he turns another page.
“I’m glad you changed your mind about university, you know?”
He furrows his brows, concentrating on something on the paper, then looking at me again. I spread my legs a bit more; I’m getting hard.
“You are?” he asks, his eyes moving from my knees to my thighs. And then further up.
“If we manage to go to the University of Edinburgh, my auntie says that we can use her holiday flat and the rent would be really low.”
“Would you be ok to live so far away from Baz? I think he’s planning on going to London,” he asks.
“That’s fine, we can always see him over the holidays,” I say. Why is he asking me about Baz now? Is he still thinking about the ‘best friend’ conversation we had weeks ago?
“So, you’re ok being away from Baz, but you didn’t want me to go to Oxford?” his piercing gaze lands on my eyes and I fidget.
“Yes, I couldn’t face being apart from you. And I couldn’t stand the thought of you studying something you don’t like. Doing a job that you despise. Marrying Wellbelove…”
“I’m not interested in Wellbelove, that was just…it was wrong of me to make you believe that I was. I’m sorry.”
“Oh…” I start biting on my lips, open my legs a bit more, “are you planning on marrying a girl from the Club?”
“No, I’m not,” he says staring straight into my eyes. And he looks so sure of what he’s saying that I find myself swallowing loudly. He moves his pad and I notice that he’s hard too.
The need to have him suddenly washes over me.
He drops his charcoal and drawing pad and sits on the bed, between my legs. But he still doesn’t touch me.
“Dev, I-“
“Niall,” he interrupts me, “there’s something I need to say. Before we do anything else.”
I nod and sit up; I’m dying to touch him, but I want to hear what he has to say first. And I want to tell him about my feelings too.
“I-I…” he starts, “I know I’m not your first choice. I know about your feelings for Baz, but I want to be with you and I’m happy to wait for you to feel the same way about me. Because I love you. So much…and I can’t stand being apart from you.”
Dev
There, I’ve said it. He’s just sitting there staring at me, his eyes open wide and his lips slightly parted. I want to kiss him so badly.
“Dev…”
I put my hand on his knee and he feels so warm. My fingertips are black; the colour of the charcoal has stained them, but I don’t think he minds.
“Dev,” he continues, “are you trying to tell me that all this time you’ve been convinced that I’m in love with Baz?” he says really slowly, like he’s talking to a child.
“Yes, why?”
“You’re a fucking idiot…unbelievable! I told you a million times that he’s my best friend!”
“I’m your best friend too!” I say, because I frankly don’t know where this is going and why we’re suddenly shouting at each other, especially after my love confession.
“In spite of what you think, I don’t normally have sex with all my friends. I’m in love with you, not with Baz, you ridiculous moron! You’re the only one I’ve ever wanted to be with. I’ve been in love with you for years!” he says, looking slightly angry. Then his expression softens and a smile forms on his lips.
“You said you love me…” he whispers, almost like he’s just realised it.
“Yes,” I say getting closer, my hand sliding down from his knee to his thigh, then around his hip and up his torso. I cup his cheek and rest my forehead on his.
“I love you,” I whisper. Like it’s a secret, like it’s the only thing that truly matters, because it is.
And then he’s kissing me, his hands all over my body, pulling me closer until I’m lying on top of him and our bodies are pressed flush against each other.
“Fuck, I’ve missed this so much,” I say, sliding my dick along his length and making him gasp, “I’ve missed you so much.”
And for a few minutes, we just kiss and explore each other’s bodies. Because we’ve never been in bed naked, in the bright light of day, and I want to see all of him, touch and lick and taste. He moans softly as I map his skin with my mouth, as my hand curls around his length and I kiss the inside of his thighs.
“I want you…” he murmurs.
“How do you want me?” I ask, sucking on the tip of his cock.
“Inside me…” he whispers and I feel all the blood leaving my head and rushing down to my dick. Fuck.
“I have some lube in my drawer,” he says, an adorable blush on his face. I grab it as he casts a cleaning spell on himself. He fluffs up a pillow and puts in under his bum. Then he takes the lube and pours some onto his fingers. I watch in awe as he spreads his legs and inserts one finger inside, gasping and biting on his bottom lip. I’m still on top of him, hovering over his body, but I want to be one thing with him. I want to be inside him.
“Merlin and Morgana, you’re so hot…” I say, taking it all in, trying to commit it to memory, “I want to draw you like this.”
“That’s not very Leonardo DiCaprio,” he says with a smile.
“More Egon Schiele…”
I watch him as he adds another finger, but then I can’t take it anymore.
“Can I do it?” I ask and his cheeks turn a deeper shade of red as he nods. I slick up my finger and then press it against his hole. I push it in, knuckle by knuckle.
“Fuck, you feel so tight, how am I going to…?”
“With plenty of lube, I guess,” he chuckles.
I add a finger, then another and soon he’s begging me to just do it, to take him. He doesn’t want me to wear a condom. He says there’s no need and that he wants to feel me. I swallow and take a deep breath, get ready for him and then sink into his warmth, little by little, inch by inch, until I can barely think and I just feel.
I feel Niall around me, so unbelievably hot and tight, Niall underneath me, his warm breath against my face, his eyes locked into mine, the small sounds he’s making.
“I love you,” I whisper.
“I love you too,” he answers, “you can start moving, you know?”
And I carefully pull out, making him groan, then push back in, so slowly that I think my knees are going to give away. Then I do it again and again, until he starts moaning and calling my name, until his babbling becomes incoherent, until I feel like I’m going to burst, like my heart is going to explode inside my chest.
“Dev, aaah…please touch me…” he whimpers, “I’m so close…”
My hand curls around his cock and I start stroking him, faster and faster until he’s gasping and nearly sobbing. And I feel like I can’t hold it any longer. I want this to last, but I feel myself tipping over the edge, sinking into his warmth and coming hard inside him.
His breathing becomes fast and irregular and then it only takes him a few strokes to come, spurting long white streaks over my fingers. When we come down from our orgasm, he grabs the back of my neck and pulls me down into a kiss.
And I finally feel complete.
Niall
I always felt like I was missing something. Like a part of me was broken or had got lost somewhere. Like I was defective and needed fixing.
Now I know. I just needed him.
He makes me complete.
Dev
Niall’s hair is sticking out in all directions; his lips look red and his eyes are shining. He’s so gorgeous.
“Well, someone looks well shagged…” says Baz sitting down in front of me. He raises an eyebrow at us, a smirk on his face. Wanker.
“Baz, leave Niall alone,” I say, putting a protective arm around him.
“I actually meant you, not Niall. Idiot,” he corrects me with a satisfied grin.
“Piss off…” I say, but I feel my face heating up.
Snow sits down next to him and Bunce soon joins us.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
“I think Dev and Niall finally got together,” says Baz pointing at us.
“Oh good, I’m really glad for you.”
“Wait, what?” asks Snow, a confused look on his face as he spreads some butter on toast, “I didn’t even know you fancied him.”
I grab Niall’s hand and kiss it and I don’t care if I look like a lovesick puppy. I’m happy.
“When are you going to tell your parents?” asks Baz, suddenly looking all serious.
“At Christmas. I honestly think they’re going to kick me out, but Niall’s mum said that I can crash at their place.”
“I want to be there with you, when you tell them. For moral support,” says Baz and I gape at him. I was not expecting him to be so nice about this (especially because I’ve been a dick to him for the past month or so).
“Thanks…” I mutter.
“Well, I guess I’ll be there too,” says Snow, “since Baz is stuck with me.”
And surprisingly, he says it like it’s a positive thing, with a smile on his lips. Like being in a bond with Baz is actually the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Maybe it is.
“Well, I’ll definitely be there too,” says Niall, “no way I’m going to let them be mean to you.”
I look at Bunce, sitting there staring at us and I know she’s probably feeling like the third wheel (or is it fifth?).
“Well Bunce, you’re officially invited to my coming out too,” I tell her, patting her on the arm.
“What?!” she says, looking horrified, “are you out of your mind?”
“You’re my friend too. I wouldn’t want you to miss out on the epic scene my parents are going to make.”
I wink at her and she mutters something under her breath. It suspiciously sounds like “fine, if you insist.”
I look at Niall and I know that everything is going to be ok.
I have him and he has me.
And it doesn’t matter if we get our first choice for university or if my parents kick me out. If Niall still has a long way to go to feel better and heal. If I need to learn so much more to become a decent artist.
All that matters is that we have each other.
We’re finally happy.