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The screams didn't wake Jeff. They didn't have to. He was awake, as usual, tinkering on some project or another--he'd already forgotten what it was--when Tony started to scream.
The screwdriver fell from his hands, and he was at the other boy's side in a flash. He'd heard a rule about not waking people from bad dreams. It seemed like a stupid rule. "Tony?" he asked, shaking his roommate's shoulder. "Tony, wake up, please!"
Tony's eyes were clenched shut, but tears were streaming through them anyway. He was twitching, and sweating through his pajamas, and all the while screaming. Sometimes, it sounded like, "No! No! No!"
Jeff shook harder. "Tony! Please, the matrons are going to come in in a minute, they'll think I'm knifing you. Tony, it's Jeff!"
Tony came awake with a start, bright green eyes flying open. They latched on to Jeff's face, steadied, and he began to breathe slower. "Jeff?"
"That's right." He smiled, trying not to show the fear, the guilt. "It's me, friend."
Tony forced a smile, though even Jeff could tell it wasn't real. "Thank you for waking me. You can go back to bed."
Instead, Jeff sat on the foot of Tony's bed. "Was it the tubes?"
A shudder was his response. "You don't need to hear this."
Jeff didn't want to hear it. He didn't like to think about what Tony had gone through because of him. And no matter what anyone said, he couldn't believe it wasn't because of him. Why else would they have picked Tony, if not for the fact that he was important to Jeff? "Maybe," he said, trying to sound like he knew what he was doing, "you need to talk about it?"
Tony shook his head, and Jeff was embarrassed that he was pleased. Other people's emotional problems were hard. His own were hard enough. "Right, then. Good. I'll just...go back to my own bed, shall I?"
"You could stay."
"What?"
The words had been soft, not even a whisper, if he'd heard them at all. He doubted that, when Tony smiled and asked, "What what, Jeff? Did you say something?"
"Oh. Sorry. I suppose I didn't."
Jeff's mattress felt awfully cold when he got under the covers.
He watched Tony, and never bothered to hide it. He'd always watched Tony for clues--Tony knew how to act around people, how to make friends, how to tell jokes. All the things Jeff had never learned, in his father's laboratory.
Tony didn't know that it was different now. Jeff had made certain of that. He was careful not to think about his reasons for watching his best friend, just in case they showed on his face. He didn't think about how much he wanted to smooth the hair back from Tony's forehead, so it wouldn't be in the way when they kissed. He didn't think about how Tony was shorter than him, so his head would fit under Jeff's chin in a long hug. He didn't think about Tony's flushed face during Physical, and certainly wasn't thinking about how it could have been from another kind of activity. He didn't.
It had been a confusing year for Jeff. That was why he built the robot.
He clicked the switch, and she sputtered and whirred to life, sitting back in her chair, pulling out a metallic clipboard, and asking, "SO. HOW ARE WE FEELING TODAY?"
Jeff extended his legs along the couch. The Crisis Christine v5.3 got very touchy when he didn't observe the proprieties. "Today was hard."
"CLARIFY YOUR RESPONSE. DID THE DAY EXCEED THE DIFFICULTY THRESHOLD OR WAS IT LESS MALLEABLE AND SOFT THAN ANTICIPATED?"
"The previous. I've been having...those feelings again."
"AAH. I SEE. HAVE YOU CONSULTED YOUR OWNER'S MANUAL?"
"Don't think I've got one."
"ERROR. WARRANTY VOID WITHOUT A MANUAL."
"Hell, I should ask Dr. Andonuts. It's entirely possible that I came with one."
"DO YOU IDENTIFY AS ORGANIC LIFEFORM?" Click click click.
Jeff twiddled his thumbs. Crisis Christine had been very adamant that he fidget. "That's part of the problem. I...I was pretty sure that Dr. Andonuts wasn't the sort to have a child in the normal way. I always figured I was a clone, or an experiment."
"HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEEEEEEL?" Click click click.
Jeff frowned, and slapped the robot on the side of her head. She straightened, and the clicking stopped.
"I AM AFRAID I AM GOING TO HAVE TO PUT THAT IN YOUR FILE."
"As you like. Look, I just...I never went through what all the boys kept talking about. Growing hair, and growth spurts, and the...feelings."
"I BELIEVE THAT IN ORGANIC LIFEFORMS THAT IS CLASSIFIED AS RUNT STATUS."
Jeff made a mental note for the 5.4. "Right, I don't want you to call me a runt. Anyway, the point--"
"I HAVE BEEN PROGRAMMED FOR TRUTH."
"Look, just shut up and listen."
"NO YOU SHUT UP."
Jeff sighed, then switched the robot off. Crisis Christine needed a lot of work.
Giygas screamed something in an alien language--moaned--lashed out. On his right side, Puu gasped in pain and collapsed, his robot body crumpled. On his left side, Paula shouted words to the sky, begging for help that surely wouldn't come. Not here. Not in this forsaken time and place. Why did they bring me? None of my tricks and tools are any use here.
Then the lightning came, and it was twenty times more painful as a metal creature than it had been as a boy, and he knew the damage was mortal, just as he knew it was too savage to kill him quickly.
"Jeff! Wake up! Please, wake up! It's Tony!"
Jeff wrenched himself free of his nightmare. Tony had a vice grip on his shoulder, even though he'd kept his voice quiet. He wondered for a minute why he could see his roommate, then realized he'd fallen asleep with his glasses on.
Slowly, the memories began to fade back into his subconscious. He never remembered them that accurately when he was awake. He hardly ever thought about how it had felt to be a creature of steel and will instead of flesh and blood.
Tony's other hand was patting his hair. Jeff leaned into it, seeking comfort in a way he could only admit in the middle of the night.
"Stay with me?"
The words were quiet and choked. Anyone else would have had the decency to pretend they hadn't heard them, and let him go back to sleep with his dignity intact in his lonely bed.
Tony just said, "Budge over, then," and climbed in.
Jeff knew it was a mistake. They hadn't done this since they were quite, quite young, and someone had explained to them (he couldn't remember who now) that boys Didn't Do That. Jeff hadn't thought about how much more space both of them took up now, and how cramped the Snow Wood bed would be.
And with Tony stretched out alongside (and a little on top of) him, he couldn't bring himself to care.
Then the urges came. The confusing chemicals swirled in his brain, urging him to take liberties--to do things--that surely a gentleman wouldn't. His hand was so close to Tony's thigh that he could feel the other boy's body heat. He wanted to reach out and touch that heat, to slide his fingers along that thigh until he brushed up between his legs.
Jeff's hand twitched. He'd read about puberty in that one book in the library, the one you needed permission to read. It had been highly uninformative. Apparently, the administration at Snow Wood had figured that while gifted young lads might need a spot of education, that spot was quite enough, thank you.
There were special chemicals called hormones, he'd learned. They affected thought and behavior. But surely, he couldn't attribute all these urges--just touch him a little, he might even like it--to little things like hormones. After all, nearly every boy at Snow Wood had gone through this years earlier, and none of them had ever tried to touch him inappropriately.
Tony sighed out a warm little breath on Jeff's neck. All of a sudden, even the loose pajama pants were too constrictive. No, no, no...not now! Not with him in my bed!
Tony shifted in his sleep. He always tossed and turned. Jeff was so tempted to do the same, to press up against whatever part of Tony's warm, soft skin he could manage and thrust.
Tony let out a little mumble. It stopped Jeff's mind in its tracks. This wasn't just anyone. This wasn't an object of whatever mindless, insane urges had taken hold of him. This was Tony. This was his Tony.
This was the person who had taught him about sharing, and friendship, and that being kind to another person meant more than not being mean. This was the patient, cheerful boy who had looked beyond the whole genius thing and appreciated him as a person. This was the friend who had taught him that it was wrong to just take what you wanted, even--especially--if the other person would have given it to you anyway.
Jeff forced himself onto his back, ignored the discomfort, and willed himself back to sleep.
"Jeff, my boy! Glad to see you! What can I do for you?"
Unless Jeff was worse at reading people than he though, Maxwell was honestly glad to see him. He'd grown up a lot over the past two years. Now when he played pranks on the younger students, they were usually funny. "Hello, Maxwell. May I..."
"Come, come! How can I help?"
Jeff grinned. "Boring day?"
Maxwell groaned and slumped down onto his desk. "Bloody awful day. I only took the damned job so I wouldn't have to go back home, and look where it got me." He waved at his desk, which probably existed under all the papers. "I'm arsed. Distract me, please."
Jeff fidgeted. After working so hard on the Crisis Christine, it seemed almost natural when he was feeling uncomfortable. "Er, I heard some of the other boys have talked to you. About...er...er....that is...they talk to you about..."
Maxwell raised one eyebrow. "Is it about sex?"
Jeff turned beet red, but nodded once.
"What about it?"
"Er. Well, it's not that so much as...I...er..."
Jeff had been expecting Maxwell to make fun of him. But the young man's smile was kind, and he pulled out a chair for his friend. "So, it finally happened?"
"What?"
"They finally dropped, right? I was starting to think puberty had missed you completely."
Jeff rubbed at yet another of the blasted pimples forming on his forehead. "I don't think anyone's that lucky."
Maxwell chuckled. "To be honest, I thought you were some sort of robot. Or clone, or something. It's nice to see you're as human as the rest of us."
"Yeah, I thought so, too. So...do you know what's...going on? When all the boys and teachers were talking about it I wasn't interested, and the book didn't say anything useful except about all that hair, and now I don't want everyone to know how behind I am." The words came out in an embarrassed rush that ended with Jeff staring intently at Maxwell's office carpet.
"Right. Who is she?"
Jeff stared blankly at him. "She who?"
"It's a lady, right? Quite all right, you can tell me, it's always a girl. Ah, girls." Maxwell trailed off, staring into the distance. Well, more accurately he was staring at a poster of the Runaway Five on the wall, but the essence was the same.
The only girl Jeff had ever known was Paula. There were no girls at his father's laboratory, no girls at Snow Wood, and no girls at Tony's house in Thistleland. That was every single place he'd been, apart from the Adventure. Apart from Paula, his experience with the "fairer sex" (though he was paler than Paula any day) was limited to the Crisis Christine.
"Ah, Maxwell, I just, uh, forgot something."
Maxwell didn't even notice. He was still staring dreamily.
"Tony? Wake up, you're dreaming. It's Jeff."
Tony's eyes opened, and he gasped. He reacted before the sleep-fog had cleared from his eyes, reaching out and grabbing Jeff by the shirt and yanking him down.
Jeff awkwardly organized himself on the bed, tugging the duvet over both of them. "If you wanted me to stay, you could have asked," he said, but Tony had already burrowed into his shoulder.
Thus began the nightly struggle. Jeff took a deep breath, but it was a mistake. He could smell Tony's hair, his skin, his breath, and went from sleepy to hard in the space of two seconds.
Somehow, he managed to fall into a fitful, uneasy sleep. Hours later, Tony shifted in his sleep, and his arm fell across Jeff's lower abdomen.
Jeff was awake in a bare instant. He lay still, battling the urges. If I touch him at all, I won't be able to stop.
Tony's arm shifted, just a little lower, and Jeff bit his lip. Was Tony awake? Did he know about the thoughts going through Jeff's head? Of course not. Tony was better than that. Tony had never been exposed to the ultimate evil in the universe.
Jeff didn't get back to sleep.
"Why, Jeff! And this is a surprise!" Paula engulfed him in a sweet-smelling hug. "Why, it must have taken you ages to get here!"
Jeff shrugged. "I used Dr. Andonuts's template to build a Sky Runner. Oh, and if anyone asks, I'm sorry about the wreckage. It's just south of town."
Paula waved a hand, dismissing this as unimportant. "Oh, we've got plenty of space down south. I'm just so glad to see you!"
Jeff smiled awkwardly. He felt like a spy, coming to see Paula for his ulterior motives. He watched her, as she poured tea and talked about nothing in particular. How long had it been since he'd seen her? Nearly a year. Nearly three, since the Adventure.
He studied her clinically, trying to look at her the way he had been looking at Tony. She had legs, he noticed. There was also her hair, about the same color as his, and curly. That was interesting. Today she wore a white camisole and pink sweater over a pleated skirt that suited her quite nicely. Under the sweater, he could see that she had developed a pair of breasts. He tried very hard to be curious about them.
"Here, make sure to drink up. That's good tea, straight from Dalaam. Not as sweet as I usually make it, but it's got a special...flair, I'd say."
Jeff sipped. The tea smelled like Dalaam, but tasted like red fruits and spice. He knew what Paula meant. It still wasn't his proper cuppa.
"Have you seen the others? Is this some sort of anniversary that I've forgotten?"
"No, I just wanted to see you. Er, how's Ness?"
If it wasn't Jeff's imagination, Paula's cheeks flushed a little pinker. "I--well, he lives so close, just in the next town over, so I suppose there are a lot of reasons I see him."
It doesn't matter how far away he lives when you can both teleport, Jeff thought, but kept that to himself. "Are you two courting, then?"
Paula laughed. "Jeff, I don't think anyone says 'courting' nowadays. But...well, yes. I'm seeing him, now and then."
Jeff tried again to be interested in her breasts. They were...lumpy? Curved, certainly. One of Tony's anatomy textbooks had a sketch (done in extremely broad lines, so as not to excite young men) of a nude woman from the side. Jeff had found a couple of Tony's friends, Derek and Peter, clustered around the book, waxing rhapsodical about breasts.
"Ah, Jeff? My eyes are up here."
Jeff's eyes snapped up. He knew that tone of voice. It suggested that she still knew where she'd stored the frying pan. "Sorry."
Paula frowned at him, refilling his cup. "You didn't come here to ask me out, did you?"
"Was I supposed to?" Jeff was all too aware that there was panic in his voice.
She laughed, and the tenseness diffused. "Well, no. Maybe I'm just getting a bit full of myself. It's only that since my birthday last week, Ness and Puu have both, ah...popped over for tea. I thought you had, too."
"I did," he pointed out, and sipped his tea.
This time, Tony didn't bother to wait for Jeff to ask. As soon as Jeff woke up from his dream, he slid into bed next to him.
But it wasn't the same. It hadn't been a nightmare. Confusing, and a little frightening, but in no way a nightmare.
And now Tony was here, as he had been in the dream, and Jeff couldn't help himself. He let one of his arms drape across Tony, his hand resting on the small of the other boy's back, and pulled him close.
After a few minutes, Tony whispered, "Jeff, you're trembling."
Jeff swallowed. "Th-the dream. Hasn't quite faded away."
One of Tony's hands came up to stroke his chest, comforting. "Do you want to talk about it?"
It was you and me, but we weren't walking in the woods. "Not really."
Tony sighed, and moved so his head was tucked under Jeff's chin. He could do that now, after Jeff had grown the last several inches. "I thought these dreams were supposed to go away, after a while."
"So I'd thought. Yours haven't."
"It..."
"What?"
He could hear Tony swallow, hard. "It seems like a waste, getting up in the middle of every night to wake each other up."
He's figured it out. He knows how much I like being close to him. "Oh. Right. I won't--"
"We should just start out like this."
Jeff almost suggested that they push the beds together, then stopped himself. If they did that, they'd have twice as much room. If they had twice as much room, he wouldn't get all the torturous, pleasurable accidental touches that kept him awake and made him miserable.
"Sounds good to me."
"Dad?"
"Hmm? Who's that?"
"Jeff. Your son."
There were a few moments of silence, then a spark of recognition. "Right! Jeff, my boy! How long has it been?"
Jeff finished tightening a screw. "About three minutes. We've been working together all day, and you went to get a donut."
"I did? Then where is it?"
"In your hand."
"Ah! Knew I'd trained you well!"
Jeff moved to the next screw. "Dad, am I a robot?"
The scientist chewed, powdered sugar clinging to his lips. "Hmm. Let me think. Ah...I don't think so."
"Then, did I have a mother?"
"Oh, probably."
"Who is she?"
"It's been a long time. How should I know?"
"Was I grown in a tube, then? Am I a clone?"
Dr. Andonuts's head cocked to the side. "Hmm. Cloning would solve the problem, if I could integrate organic matter with the living metal of the hull. Maybe that's why it keeps crashing."
Jeff gave up.
There was no one else he could consult, no one he could talk to. He would just keep feeling the way he did, keep wanting to touch his best friend all over, keep waking up with terrifying sensations in his body, keep feeling more isolated than before.
Jeff did what he always did; he retreated. He retreated into himself, into science, until even that didn't work, because everything he built was supposed to help Tony with his class, help Tony with the baking, help Tony by repairing the Dramatic Society's microphones.
"Right." Tony sat up, his tone brisk, and crossed his arms. "What's wrong with you, then?"
Jeff turned onto his side, facing away. "Don't know."
"Hmm? Why haven't you said anything?"
"I have. I've talked to everyone, and it hasn't gone away, so leave off."
There was a silence. Then, Tony said, in a hurt little voice, "You haven't talked to me."
"But you're part of the problem!"
He hadn't meant to sound cruel. He hadn't meant to blame Tony, to accuse him for the things that were wrong with Jeff.
But it was Tony, and he only said, "All the more reason. What have I done? Can I fix it? Jeff, I can't stand to see you so miserable, and the nightmares are just getting worse. Even if it was all that bad, you know you can talk to me!"
Jeff wasn't good at talking. Tony was. Jeff sat up, too ashamed to look Tony directly in the face. But this is Tony, a little voice reminded him. He'd always been able to tell Tony anything. Just because it was about Tony didn't mean that had to change. Did it? "Tony...did you do puberty?"
Tony blinked. "Well, yes. A few years ago. I mean, it doesn't happen all at once, but...yes."
"Did you start having...feelings?"
"Yes."
Jeff breathed a little easier. He should have known it would be better to talk to Tony. It always was. "Good. Were they confusing?"
"Very."
"And strong?"
"Unbelievably."
"And--and your, uh, body, it started--"
"Like mad."
"With the hair, and the pimples?"
"And the growing pains, and the sweat, and the smells, yes."
"And the, er--" Jeff gestured vaguely, and was relieved when Tony nodded.
"And that, yes. It...it's called an erection. When it gets hard like that."
There was a word for it. A medical word. That meant it wasn't bad. Oh, good. Then again, there was a medical word for influenza, too. "Did it make you want to do things?"
Tony's laugh was a little shaky. "Still does."
"Oh. It doesn't go away, then?"
"If it does, I haven't gotten there. I don't think anyone does, until you're really old."
"Damn."
Tony shrugged. "Don't know. It can be nice."
"Nice?"
Another silence. Tony crossed his legs. "You know. When you're with a girl."
"Have you ever been with a girl?"
"No."
"Then how do you know?"
Another shrug. "It's what the rest of the boys say."
"I...will you tell me more about it?"
Tony took a deep breath. "Jeff, I'm trying hard to be a good person right now."
"You are! You're the only person who's given me any answers!"
Red curls bounced as Tony shook his head. "I can give you the medical versions of what's happening, but that should be all."
"Why?"
Tony got up, but Jeff grabbed his hand. "Why? Why won't you tell me more?"
"I'm afraid of you getting...ideas."
Tony already knew. He was hemming and hawing because somehow he'd found out about Jeff and his urges. Of course, he was still being nice, because he was Tony and that was what he did. Jeff hung his head, looking down at his hands. To his surprise, his thumbs weren't twiddling. "So that's it, then."
"Afraid so." Tony's voice sounded a little forced.
Jeff was quiet for another moment. "I didn't know. Before now. That...that boys could..." He cleared his throat. "They never said that in the textbooks."
"I'm sorry, Jeff."
"Will you still be my friend?"
"Jeff! Of course! Why would I ever stop?"
A wash of relief flooded Jeff's mind, and he relaxed. That could have gone worse, he suspected.
Tony moved to his own bed, then paused. "Do...I mean, do you want me to stay? In your bed, I mean. Even...even so?"
The words shocked Jeff so much he wasn't sure how to reply, so he just nodded. He nodded so hard he thought his glasses would fly off and hit the wall behind him. "P-please!"
Tony's smile was worth the awkwardness. They both held themselves a little bit apart at first, but the rhythms of sleep relaxed those muscles soon enough. Within an hour, they were entangled as usual, with Tony's head nestled against Jeff's chest.
If Tony hadn't been a restless sleeper, it might have ended there.
Somewhere between it's-not-going-to-get-any-darker-outside and far-too-early-to-wake-up, Tony mumbled in his sleep, then kicked out a leg. Jeff moved--to correct the weight balance on the bed, and for no other reason, of course--and all of a sudden they were pressed front to front, hip to hip, and, well...everything to everything.
Jeff was awake in a second. To his horror, he could feel himself slowly stiffen. He tried to will it away, with about as much effect as he ever had putting mind over matter these days. Should I move? If I do, and he's still asleep, that might wake him up. If I don't, and he wakes up--
Tony's breathing changed, just a little, but it was enough that Jeff knew they were both awake. He tried to keep his own breathing steady, but how could he when he was pressing up against his best friend like some sort of rutting animal?
He was good enough to stay even though he knows how I feel. Maybe...just maybe, he won't run?
It was a desperate, forlorn hope. But with a desperate forlorn courage, Jeff whispered, low enough to give Tony an out, "Will you stay?"
Tony didn't like boys. Jeff knew that. From what he'd read, overheard, seen, most straight blokes didn't like it when the ones that weren't tried to rub off against them. Right? Tony would leave.
Or, as Jeff discovered in the next few seconds, Tony would meet his eyes, swallow once, and deliberately shift, so he could feel that Tony was hot and hard against him.
Jeff let out a strangled noise. "But--"
"Shh. I think I understand."
Tony's hands were strong, but the skin was kept soft by the gloves he always wore in the greenhouses. There was a look on his face that Jeff had never seen before--kind, breathlessly excited, somehow relieved. Slowly, as if to be sure himself, he asked, "You want this?"
There was a lump in Jeff's throat, but he nodded.
"Badly?"
Jeff's hips moved without his permission, grinding up against Tony. He felt like a feral creature, reduced to movement and sounds in the back of the throat, not the young gentleman of intellect and manners he'd worked for years to become.
"And you have, for a while?"
Another low noise, helpless, needy.
And Tony echoed it. "God, Jeff, me too."
Soft hands, strong hands, made their way into his pajama trousers and brushed along his erection for the first time.
Later, Jeff would learn the words for what he'd done, and feel a bit embarrassed. But at the moment all he did was cry out wordlessly and throw his head back as everything erupted into a flash of white and painpleasure and heat.
When he came back to his senses, he could hear Tony's voice over the beating of his pulse. He could still feel Tony's hand in his trousers, cupping him gently despite the sticky fluid. He tried to catch his breath. Tony knew what he was doing, obviously, which was good, since one of them probably should. Otherwise they'd both be floundering around, and would he have thought to stick his hand in Tony's trousers? Should he now? He swallowed against the growing panic, now that the initial arousal had abated somewhat, and said in a voice that only shook slightly, "I don't know what I'm doing."
Tony's voice was breathy. "It's all right. We don't have to talk about it tomorrow, or ever again if you don't--"
"I mean, here. I know that I want to do this, whatever it is, with you. I just don't know how." Jeff offered a nervous little smile. "Show me?"
Tony nodded, six or seven times before he remembered to stop. "I--there's so many things--"
"You know them?"
"I--" Tony licked his lips, breathing faster, and nodded again. "Yes. I want to--to do something to you."
That sounded good to Jeff. Good enough, in fact, that by the time Tony slid under the duvet and down, Jeff was more than ready.
Or so he thought. Because really, there was no getting ready for a hot, wet, slippery feeling sliding over the head and oh god that's his mouth.
Jeff must have made a noise, even though he didn't remember doing anything of the sort, because the feeling stopped, and Tony popped out from under the duvet looking worried. "Was that not good? I can--"
"No! No, it was...amazing. I--what are you--"
Tony pushed the duvet off the bed, annoyed, and settled himself more easily between Jeff's legs. He wrapped one hand firmly around the base, then said, "Fellatio. I know it makes you feel better to know the names of things."
Jeff nodded. It did feel better to know the names.
"Right, then. I'm, ah, I want to suck you. " He licked his lips again, and Jeff twitched in Tony's hand.
"And that's called fellatio, is it?"
"Yes. Or...well, it's called a lot of things." Tony dipped his head down, engulfing him again. Then he pulled back up. "Giving head." He paused. "Or sucking cock. I like that one."
As he dove back down, his tongue doing whatthehellwasthat, Jeff let out a shaky little laugh. "I...I do, too."
It was his last coherent thought for quite a while. Everything was fragments of How did he get his tongue to do that? and I wouldn't have thought a little scrape of teeth could feel so nice and oh god that's why he called it sucking and a weird niggling guilt that it was always Tony making him feel so good. Then he paid a little more attention--as difficult as that was--and a thought seared into his mind.
He's moaning like he loves it.
That was enough to make him buck up into Tony's mouth, and he didn't even choke like Jeff was sure he would have. Jeff's erection--cock, he called it a cock--just slid further into his best friend's mouth, into--oh god, it's in his throat--and then his thoughts devolved into suck--please--more--tongue--farther--more--please--Tony--
Because Tony was moaning like he loved it, like he'd dreamed for years of curling his tongue around the head of Jeff's cock. Jeff looked down, and when had Tony shucked his clothes, anyway? Because they were gone now, and he was stroking himself furiously.
It was the last thing Jeff saw before he went off the second time, gasping and bucking up into Tony's mouth again and again. He didn't register the little gagging sounds until after, didn't realize that he'd somehow threaded his hands into Tony's hair and held him down for a second, just a second, while he finished.
Tony's eyes were bright and feverish as his hand moved faster. His lips were swollen and red, with a drop of oh god something at the corner of his mouth, and Jeff had never loved him more.
"You're..."
Tony was flushed, could hardly breathe. "Y-yes, oh, Jeff, almost..."
"Can I touch it before you do?"
Tony let out something that was less whimper and more growl, and suddenly he was stretched out on top of Jeff, one of his knees coming up between Jeff's. For a moment, he stopped being Jeff's best friend, his cheerful, helpful roommate who always made sure the washing was in the right bin on laundry day. He was an unfamiliar creature of need and want, and Jeff found himself the very willing recipient of both of those emotions.
Jeff remembered lying awake next to Tony all those nights, wishing desperately that he could just be sure that Tony would stay asleep while he just rubbed for a little while, and realized all at once that Tony was probably thinking the same thing. Hesitantly, convinced that he was going to do it wrong, Jeff slipped a hand down between their bodies and grasped hold of his best friend's cock.
It didn't feel like his own; on the (very few) occasions he'd taken himself in hand, he'd gotten to know the geography pretty well, and this was uncharted territory. The scientist in him, which had been remarkably quiet up to that point, examined differences. It was heavy with arousal, the skin stretched so tightly he thought it might tear, stiff and slippery and a thousand degrees in his hand. Tony's skin was pale, if flushed, but his cock was dark red, shaded with purple and beaded with white at the tip. It was a bit larger than his own, Jeff thought, and was glad it was Tony who had known what to do.
Tony kissed him. That was the only word for it, because it was lips against lips, and that meant kissing. Jeff liked knowing the names of things. But it was lips and teeth and tongue and hunger, and he could taste his semen in Tony's mouth, and somehow, that made it even better.
"Jeff," Tony said, and it was a broken sob as wet warmth blossomed over Jeff's hand, against his hip.
Regardless of propriety, of the mess, of the dignity that Jeff was sure he used to have, he gathered Tony in his arms--when did I get so much bigger than him? I'm sure he used to be taller, stronger--and held him, until the redhead's breathing steadied.
That night, when the kisses and the touches and the explorations finally dwindled into sleepy contentment, neither of them had any dreams.