Chapter Text
Tony, breathing heavy, replied to Peter only after checking something- probably Peter's heart beat or oxgen level or God knows what- on his suit. "Yeah, Kid. I'm going to check your vitals. Oh, God, you must be cold."
Peter felt his suit warm up. It was nice. He tried to watch what Tony was doing, but holding his head up was too much work. So he gave up trying to pay attention and rested his head on the ground. He stared up at the night sky. He couldn't see many stars. If he saw a shooting star, what would he wish for?
After a few minutes, he heard a sigh of relief. "You're okay, Kid. Your powers helped. Nothing long-term. Just stay on the ground for now."
Peter didn't answer. He still wasn't sure if he was happy or angry with Mr. Stark. He couldn't feel anything. All he knew was he would never breathe a breath of air sweeter than that first one, right after he had woken up, ever again. He was glad to hear he was fine. That meant he could just go home and go to sleep. He didn't want to think about how he had almost died.
He had almost died.
Peter squeezed his eyes shut, as if not seeing the world would make it disappear... except he could still hear it. He could hear cicadas screaming. He could hear a car honk its horn on the bridge in the distance. He could his breathing. He couldn't hear Tony, though. Peter's mentor had told him he was going to make a call, and his helmet had covered him.
Peter opened his eyes. He glanced at Stark, who had stepped away, then let his eyes rest upward at the tree branches and sky above. He wondered who Tony was talking to. Aunt May? He wondered if Karen had ratted him out. That must have been it, right? He had no way of getting an answer to his questions, especially since he didn't want to talk to Mr. Stark about this night. Ever.
He was under a willow tree again. It looked like the one he had been looking at earlier- it could have been the same one- but it didn't seem beautiful. The romantic color the world had been tinted with as he dived into the lake was gone. Drowning wasn't like flying away softly or like going to sleep; it was painful.
He had almost died.
It wasn't the first time, but in a way, it was. When he was fighting others, he always knew he would get out of it- as if it was written in his life's script. But this? If Tony had gotten there a minute later, he would have been carrying out a corpse.
A tear leaked out of Peter's eye. He felt it creep its way down the side of his face and hit his ear. He stared at the tree leaves and swallowed hard, but the lump in his throat wouldn't go away. His heart felt fragile, as if it was made of thin glass. He heard steps coming towards him and quickly wiped the tear away.
Stark stood over him. He still had his helmet on. "Hey, kid," he said quietly. "Let's go." He held a hand out to Peter. Peter thought he should probably get up himself, but he knew he was weak, so he took Tony's hand- or rather, the metal glove of his suit- and was pulled upward. He had the sudden desire to hug Mr. Stark, to let himself be held while he cried, but he stopped himself. Mr. Stark already knew too much.
"How are you feeling, kid?"
"Fine, Mr. Stark. I'm sorry for dragging you out here." He wanted to say It wasn't a big deal, but he knew there was no way he could convince his mentor that tying himself to a rock on the bottom of a lake and nearly drowning wasn't a big deal. He felt really stupid about the whole thing. So he said nothing more.
"Kid, it's okay."
"Really, Mr. Stark."
"Kid, no!" Peter took a wobbly step back. Tony must have realized how angry he sounded because his next words were lighter. "I'm just really glad you're okay. You... you scared us all."
Us?
He suddenly remembered the texts he had sent to everyone, including Mr. Stark, before he went into the lake. Shit.
Stark continued. "We're going to go to the hospital now. I'm flying you to the one near your apartment. Your aunt and Happy are going to meet us there, so you can change." He smiled, but it looked like it was painful. "Wouldn't want them to ask about the suit, right?" He held out his hand for Peter.
Peter didn't want to go to a hospital. He was tired and empty. He wanted to crawl away from all his problems. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to never wake up. This was a mess.
"I don't need a hospital, Mr. Stark. I'm feel fine." He shook his hands and jumped around a little. It made him dizzy. (Not that he would admit that). He couldn't see Stark's expression, but from the man's silence, he doubted he had convinced him. "You said it yourself, Mr. Stark. I'm sure Karen and FRIDAY are smarter than doctors anyways. I'm perfectly fine."
"Kid..."
Tony's hesitation caused anxiety to take root in Peter's lungs. He could feel its thorns piercing him as he breathed.
"Your aunt and I agreed, we just need you to get checked on. And there are doctors there who can help."
Help? Peter ground his teeth together. He knew what type of help they meant. Did they think he was crazy or something? He easily converted his fear and sadness into anger. He was fine.
"If I needed to be in a hospital then I wouldn't be able to fly anyways! I'm fine!" He took another step back. "I can get home fine, Mr. Stark. I'm really sorry to have bothered you, but I- I have a math test, and I kind of need to get home." He was rambling, but he couldn't stop. He was afraid of that kind of "help" he would be getting, and he was scared of facing Aunt May and MJ and Ned and most of all, he was terrified of facing Skip. "You really just overreacted, Mr. Stark. I'm really fine."
Those three words sparked something in Tony. He exploded.
"Fine? Fine, Peter? Fine!" He huffed. "You're fine? I found you about to DIE! You were going to drown! You know how I started- how I knew that you were in danger? It wasn't even Karen! Happy called me, freaking out because of what you texted your aunt. I could hear her, Peter! She was crying! And then Karen blew up my system, telling me about your text and that you were acting suicidal! And I came here and found you in that- in that fucking lake! So don't tell me you're fine! You are NOT fine!" His voice cracked. "You aren't fine, Peter!"
Tony got out of his suit when he saw Peter start to sob.
Peter sat down heavily, ignoring the twigs that dug into his legs; his shoulders shook as cries escaped his lips. I almost died. I almost died. I almost died.
Skip Westcott. Skip Westcott. Skip Westcott.
Stark crouched besides him.
"Kid... Kid, I'm sorry. I'm too much like my dad. I was just so scared." Peter felt Tony's fingertips on his arm. It was gentle, but the boy still flinched.
"D- don't," Peter shrieked. Touch reminded him of HIM, and that just made him cry even harder. "Please, Mr. Stark. I don't want t- to. I don't want- I don't want you to touch me."
Tony pulled his hand away. He reached over Peter's head and lightly pulled off the Spider-man cap. "Kid. This about the anniversary, right?"
Of course he knew. Police reports leave a trail. Peter remembered it all. The confusing statements he had given (normal, for a traumatized kid, but it was held against him). Witnesses from the library saying Skip was such a great influence on shy, impressionable Peter. By the time Peter told his aunt and uncle, there were no visible marks on him. There was no evidence beyond his word- an orphan's word. An orphan's word against a studious high-schooler's word. Skip had never, ever had any sort of behavioral problem, while Peter had (though no one mentioned that he had only punched that kid because he was a schoolyard bully). And even if it did happen, kids that age get interested in that thing. They were just messing around, right? Kids always get confused. Peter was just confused.
Five years and two days ago, Steven Westcott raped Peter. A month later, the ruling came: free of all charges.
Peter couldn't answer. He couldn't put it into words. He just crawled into Tony's arms and screamed.
His screaming eventually devolved into whimpers. After a while, that ended as well, leaving Peter silent, pressing his forehead against Stark's shoulder.
Blinded by his anguish, he hadn't stopped to think how he would normally never let any of this happen. He had simply been comforted to finally share this with someone. In the silence, Tony stopped rocking Peter and himself back and forth- which he had started as soon as Peter started screaming. He had wrapped his arms tightly against the kid and pressed his cheek on the top of his head, whispering as they rocked.
"It's okay. It's okay. It's okay."
Peter felt the pressure of Stark's left arm loosen and clutched the man's shirt. He didn't want him to let go. He didn't care if it was stupid or childish. He just didn't want him to let go.
"I'm just going to tell your aunt we're going to be a minute, all right?" Peter nodded. Tony quickly pulled out his phone, sent a text, and put it in his pocket again.
"I know it must seem stupid," Stark said with a chuckle. "I have the most powerful electronic devices in my suit, but I still have a smart phone. I like the games, I guess." The image of Tony Stark, billionaire and genius, playing Subway Surfers caused Peter to let out a short laugh, to his surprise.
"Are you sure you're all right with me touching you, Kid?"
Peter nodded again, a small smile on his lips. It seemed so kind that Mr. Stark had asked permission. But he wasn't scared. He wanted Mr. Stark to keep protecting him- and the twelve-year-old Peter who lived inside of him.
Stark turned his head to face the lake. "You know, Kid... I know it's not the same thing, but I know what it's like to be scared." He stayed quiet for a minute. Peter waited. "After New York, I changed. Every little noise would startle me, and I couldn't sit still. I had nightmares. Panic attacks. I was scared of even walking down the street. And that wasn't my fault. A lot of bad things- a lot of traumatic things- have happened to me. It makes sense that I changed." Peter shifted. He knew bad things happened to other people, but still. He knew exactly what Tony was describing.
"I got help. Real help. I talked to Pepper. And Bruce." Tony stopped and snorted. "Not that he was much help," he added. "But... I also..." He sighed. "It's still hard to admit, even though it shouldn't be, but Kid, it's not a bad thing. I got a therapist. Dr. March. You can't fight trauma alone, right?" Peter nodded. "She's great, by the way. Dr. March."
Silence again. Tony pulled himself back and looked into Peter's eyes. Peter looked down at the dirt. "Peter, will you look at me, please?"
Peter looked up. He was so close he could see the brown flecks in the man's eyes.
"I want to be here in this pain with you. Me and May and Happy and your friends- We can all help, Kid. You can do this, Peter."
He looked down at the dirt again. "I don't feel that way, Mr. Stark," he whispered. "I can't stop thinking about it. I... I- I told him I didn't want to." He bit his lip, tears threatening to spill. "I told him I didn't want to." His eyes watered, and he looked up at Tony again. "I didn't want him to, Mr. Stark." He started to cry, and he could see tears in Tony's eyes too. Tony softly squeezed his hand and hugged him tightly.
"I'm so sorry, Peter."
"I sh- shouldn't have gone to his house."
"You didn't deserve what happened to you. It's called assault, Kid. I'm sorry they didn't believe you. I believe you."
Peter's cries were less violent than before. "I just wanted it to stop hurting. I didn't want to die."
"I know, Kid. I love you."
Peter got out of the limo, and Aunt May climbed out behind him. Stark had demanded he be the one to bring Peter home, and May had complied. Who could deny a limo ride, anyways?
"'Scuse me, lovely lady" Aunt May jumped back as Tony got out of the limo, Happy behind him.
Peter had spent the last two weeks in an inpatient program. Not at the original hospital. That would never fly with Tony Stark. The psychiatrist on staff, wide-eyed at the sight of Tony Stark (AKA Iron-Man!!!) standing nervously with his "intern," suggested a place upstate, and the rest was history. He wouldn't let May look at the bill, no matter how many times she protested.
The hospital had been... a lot. Most of the staff was kind, and the one nurse who had been rude to him and other patients had stopped as soon as Iron-Man showed up and spoke to her supervisor. He had had a lot of work in the hospital. Group therapy, individual therapy, even mental health homework. He started on medication (which his powers did not affect, thank God), which helped some, but what had helped the most was talking. He hadn't talked about HIM Skip or what the doctors told him was PTSD before, really, so it was hard to open up. Once he did, though, he found out he wasn't the only one.
He was still going to go to therapy, twice a week, and a group. He would never wish Skip Westcott upon anyone, but he was looking forward to talking to people who got it.
"Ready to go, P?" Aunt May pulled him out of his thoughts. She was holding his bag full of clothes. He knew she wanted to help, so he didn't protest.
He nodded. "This is where I leave you for now, Kid." Tony and Peter hugged. Peter smiled when Tony held on a little longer than normal.
"Thanks, Mr. Stark."
Before Tony could answer, Aunt May hugged him. Peter heard her whisper, "Thank you."
Tony patted her shoulder. "You're both coming for dinner on Sunday, right?" May and Peter told him yes. They said their goodbyes, and with a nod to Happy, Stark got back into his limo and driven away.
"Come on, Peter." Happy smiled at his girlfriend and Peter, and the trio went up to the apartment. Peter noticed he moved his hand to pat his shoulder but quickly pulled it back. He knew now too. He had come to dinner when he found May worried sick in the apartment that night. She had been doubtful of Peter's excuse and called MJ. Finding out he wasn't where he said he was, she had called him repeatedly, but he didn't answer.
Peter was so grateful Happy had been there. Not only because he called Stark, but because he had been there for May. Even though he knew it didn't help, Peter felt guilty for causing her so much anxiety. He was glad she had support too.
Once they settled into the apartment, Aunt May gave him his phone, which he hadn't been allowed to have at the hospital. Tony had his suit for now; the doctors said he wasn't allowed to have anything that could be used as a weapon.
He missed being in his suit, but what he missed just as much was his phone. He sat on the couch to look at it. He hadn't been able to talk to MJ or Ned since he was hospitalized; when May visited, she assured him she contacted to them, but that wasn't the same. There were some texts from random classmates and a lot of social media notifications. He ignored those. There were specific things he needed to look at. He decided to start with Ned's texts.
Ned Leeds 💻
Tue, Sep 25, 8:26 PM
Hey, did you do the
review for english? Bc i
have no clue what's
happening???
i hate iamaic pentameter
so much
lol I have no idea what
i'm doing Peter help
meee
Your aunt AND MJ
called me. I told them
your probably fighting
Thor or something!!! 👊
🕷️ But you gotta answer
them bc they're really
worried.
I love you.
I love you too??
you're*
MJ said you texted the
same thing.
Are you okay????
Tue, Sep 25, 11:21 PM
Im glad you're okay.
Wed, Sep 26, 1:37 PM
Your aunt said you're
going to be in the
hospital for awhile so I'll
send you a bunch of
memes until you answer!
Peter felt a twinge of guilt for worrying his friend. Along side that was the darkness, telling him Ned knew he was weak. But he ignored it and scrolled through the memes. He texted Ned: LOL. Thanks.
Now he had to look at what MJ had sent him. He looked at his texts.
Michelle Jones 💜
Tue, Sep 25, 10:21 PM
Your aunt called. Why
did you tell her you
came to my house?
I wanted to give you
space, but I'm worried.
She said you aren't
answering her calls
or texts.
Why aren't you
answering us?
Is this because of
today? I'm really sorry,
Peter. I didn't want to
pressure you.
Ned hasn't heard from
you either.
Please just let us know
you're okay.
I love you.
PETER!
Are you okay?
Peter?
Peter, please answer.
Please answer. I
promise I'm not mad.
Please answer please
Please answer
Please, Peter
Tue, Sep 25, 11:30 PM
I love you too.
Wed, Sep 26, 3:03 PM
I'm glad you're taking
care of yourself now.
Peter wiped away the tears that had fallen onto his screen. His phone chimed. It was Ned.
He's baaaack!!!
Peter checked his Recent Phone Calls. There were seven from Aunt May. Six from MJ. He stared at the screen. He had terrified them.
Now he knew he wasn't alone in this.
He went back to his text messages and texted Ned back.
Yeah. How has school been?
Ned immediately texted back.
It's been terrible without you. English is still confusing.
Oh yeah!!!! Beth Johnson hooked up with Eric! And Flash spilled ramen on himself during lunch!!! It was epic.
Ned continued to text Peter, filling him in on all the drama he had missed. After he told Peter about every couples who broke up, one fight, and several rumors, he asked Peter a question.
How was the hospital?
Peter bit his lip. For a couple minutes, he had forgotten any of that even happened. It was okay. It helped. I missed talking with you.
Let's hang out!
Peter smiled. Maybe you can spend the night on Friday?
I'll bring the legos.
He answered, See you then.
He was happy to text Ned. But he couldn't ignore MJ any longer.
He texted her, Hey.
Normally, MJ didn't pay attention to her phone and took a long time to answer. But as soon as his message was delivered, Peter saw little the dots indicating she was typing back.
Hey!
Peter felt his heart start to beat faster. Can I call you?
She replied. Yeah.
MJ picked up after one ring.
"Hi."
"Hey!"
Awkward silence. "Was the hospital okay?"
"Yeah. Tony put me in a fancy one."
"That's cool."
Silence.
"I..." Peter faltered. He had to say it. "It wasn't because of you or- or us kissing. Just... did my aunt tell you anything?"
"She told me and Ned you tried to hurt yourself."
"Yeah."
Silence.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"It's not your fault."
"I'm on antidepressants now."
He heard a laugh. "I've been on Lexapro for awhile. I was kind of embarrassed to tell you."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It's stupid that I felt that way. It's not a big deal. It's just medication."
"It made me really tired at first."
"Me too! I nearly fell asleep in Mr. Baker's. Though I don't know if that was because the medication."
They both laughed.
"I missed talking to you, MJ."
"Me too."
Peter shifted on the couch and glanced at May and Happy, who were in the kitchen getting lunch ready. "I want to tell you about it, MJ," he said. "I want to tell you why I freaked out that day. The anniversary was a few weeks ago, and I kept on remembering the guy who..." He squeezed his eyes shut.
You can do this, Peter. That's what Tony had told him by the lake.
You can do this, Peter.
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to."
"No," he told MJ. "I want to tell you. I kept on remembering- I kept on remembering the guy who abused me. It just set me off. But it wasn't you, and I learned some stuff at the hospital."
"I'm sorry that happened," MJ said softly.
"It wasn't your fault. I... I wanted to tell you. I want to tell you about it, and the hospital and my PTSD, if it's okay. If you don't think it's gross or something." He forced out a laugh.
"I don't think you're gross. It's a privilege for you to tell me, Peter. It wasn't your fault. "
May motioned for him to join her and Happy at the table. Lunch was ready.
"I got to go now. You want to come over tomorrow after school? May said it was okay if I had guests."
"Sure," MJ replied. "I've really missed you."
"I missed you too. I missed you so much."
"I'm excited to see you... and Peter?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm glad you're okay."
Peter knew Skip would always be a part of him. He couldn't go back in time and change that. Skip was going to be with him forever. But there were other things- other people, wonderful people- that would be with him forever. Or at least a very long time. So when he answered MJ, he told her the truth.
"Me too."
The End.