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All she had do was address the council of allied alien species, win over the enemy planet’s commanders, or declare war. Simple, easy, and Ben had helped her prepare a speech for either eventuality. She could do this.
“I don’t think I can do this.” Ell confided to Johnny as they dressed. The costumes Zinjai had created were ridiculously elaborate and difficult to get into, but she had just enough breath left to admit her fears.
Johnny, on the other hand, wasn’t faring as well, his response muffled by the swath of dark purple fabric trapping an arm against his face. “You’ll do fine–and even if you don’t we can just shoot them.”
“Yeah. But the Zin want that as a last resort and I mean…we took over their entire empire. Like, we probably owe it to them to try and not fuck this up.” Ell muttered as she watched Johnny free himself. Her own costume, a dark plum dress with a floor length skirt that flowed and fluttered with each step and long sleeves, was finally on (and she’d even managed not to tear it in the process.)
“Look, they’re gonna have to get over it. We might have to kill some people to make this happen–that’s how we do things.” Johnny sighed and tugged at the material still stuck at his neck. “But hey, if I die trying to get this piece of shit on, then I guess I don’t have to worry about it.”
Zinjai swept in then, somehow able to sense that his creation was going to be destroyed by someone’s knife (Johnny’s or Ell’s–both had hidden knives and daggers strapped to their waists and ankles in case they couldn’t reach a gun should things go south.)
“Mr. Gat, let me help. I accept that this garment will likely be torn to shreds by a fight during this meeting, but let’s at least have it start in one piece.” With a quick pull, Zinjai righted the material.
Ell had to take a moment then. The intertwining layers of fabric that made up the robe-like garment (traditional to the Zin but modified for a human body, according to Zinjai) may have been confusing, but once sat the way they were designed to they made Johnny look fantastic–all at once imposing yet dressed fancily enough for the occasion. She was half tempted to ask Zinjai to design other official uniforms for them, if only to see how handsome Johnny looked in them–so long as they could actually get into the new designs without breaking an arm.
Before she could think anymore on it, Zinjai was dragging them both to a glass walkway, connecting their ship to a huge dome, apparently stuck stationary in space. Quite how, she wasn’t sure. But as long as it didn’t go spinning wildly into the sun while they were on it, she didn’t care.
“This is it then?” She asked Zinjai.
“It is. You go in, make a claim for their planet, currently known as Xoatl 31, and offer peaceful resolution first. They would be allowed to leave and recolonize an empty planet, while we take their planet, then to be known as New Earth, as ours. If they refuse that, you formally declare war, and our waiting troops will start storming their shores before you’ve returned to the ship.”
“So we look pretty and talk? You should’ve had Pierce do this shit.” Johnny scoffed.
Zinjai shook his head. “Not possible. He is only a lieutenant to the Emperor, and does not have that power. Ell and yourself, as Emperor and Army Commander, are the only ones who have the power to make these declarations.”
Johnny turned to Ell, a grimace on his face. “See, this is why I’m almost glad I wasn’t there for the White House. Just more of this political nonsense we don’t have time for. Except now we have fucking alien rules to follow.”
Ell sighed. “I know. But if we’re lucky, they’ll turn us down fast and we can just declare war. Once we have boots on the ground we can take things down quick. We just need to actually say we’re doing it.”
“Let’s get moving then.” Johnny grumbled. He wasn’t going to be a ray of sunshine during negotiations, but she hadn’t expected that. That he still agreed to come, and had wrapped his hand around hers as they began their walk into the dome was the important part–his being there was enough.
Once inside, they were greeted by a bevy of creatures–big, small, and every color and shape under the sun (or near it, or behind, or who knew where really.) She tried not to stare, but failed at the sight of a creature seemingly made entirely of eyeballs.
“Do you think everyone there is an eye doctor?” She asked Johnny as they walked past the alien. She was hoping to lighten the mood a bit, even if they were basically going into what could be the most boring meeting ever.
“Is that really what you’re thinking about right now?” He asked, a smile playing on his lips.
“Well, we’ve got to have some fun while we’re here, right? Besides, we might not see any of these aliens again unless we conquer their planets.”
He shook his head. “We won’t be if we have to do this every time.”
Ell smiled. “If we win our new home planet, then we’ll have them scared. And we can take whatever we want then.”
Zinjai hushed them as he moved to walk in front of them. “Can you save the conquering talk for later? We’ve got to try and make a good impression before we can take anyone down–after all, it isn’t every day an empire gets to introduce a new Emperor.”
The last few steps took them into a huge conference room. Rows and rows of aliens were packed into the room, and for a moment Ell forgot to breathe. After all, this was just a bit out of her league, if she was honest. She didn’t know the rules here (not that she always played by the rules anyways) but it at least helped to have that knowledge under her belt.
“I’ve taken over multiple cities, and an empire. I can do this.” She murmured to herself.
“Hell yeah you can.” Johnny squeezed her hand and smiled as they followed Zinjai to the center of the room, towards a raised dais.
The room went silent as she stood in front of the microphone floating before the dais. It adjusted to her height instantly, which made her feel good if only because she could sense how tall she was in the ungodly ridiculous heels she’d been given to wear. But they’d done exactly what she’d wanted, and she felt imposing now–a storm at its peak, a cloud of death and destruction ready to rain upon them that they wouldn’t realize was coming.
“Hello. My name is Ell. I am a human, of the now-destroyed planet Earth, and the new Emperor to the Zin. I have conquered enough enemies to lead me here–having conquered and taken over the Zin Empire in what I think you’ll find was record time. This should inform you of the proper choice to make in regards to my request–that the planet of Xoatl 31 should be ceded to our use at the smallest possible cost, so that it might become the New Earth for the Zin and the remaining humans in our care.” Her voice echoed in the chamber, and she pleased to hear that she sounded properly authoritative and even a bit scary. She didn’t want to fully frighten them, not yet–but the acoustics were proving that they would serve her purpose well, should she have to put the fear of death into their hearts and minds.
Her confidence shook as laughter reverberated around the room. She could hear Johnny move from his spot at the back of the dais to her side, and she didn’t need to look to know he was reaching for a throwing knife, more than ready to start taking people out.
She placed a hand on his arm, and whispered. “Wait. Give me a moment to try and save this.”
“And if you can’t shut them up by talking?” He whispered back.
“Then we shut them up by shooting and stabbing, of course.”
Ell took a deep breath. “You don’t realize the mistake you are making. And that’s alright–it won’t matter what you realize or know when you’re all dead.”
The laughter stopped. A dense silence fell across the room, until the emperor from Xoatl 31 stood.
“You would threaten us so openly? You are meant to be brokering a sale or declaring war–not blustering about the room as though we all have nothing better to do.” The alien sneered, their black eyes peering down at her as those she was an ant.
“This is not blustering. We are prepared to kill you all, if needed. You made it clear in your messages prior to this meeting that you would not cede the planet peacefully yet insisted on this meeting, and so we will take it by force. If this includes killing yourself and the other delegates here, then so be it.” Ell shrugged. It was the honest truth–she didn’t care at this point how they got the planet.
She just wanted a home that wasn’t a space ship or the simulation, where she and Johnny and the Saints could set up like they used to on Earth. Where she could run her empire from relative comfort, rather than feeling like she was constantly on the run, with nowhere to go. And where she could safely nap, without being woken up by Pierce and Jezebel singing, or Asha trying to teach Matt to block a punch without accidentally punching himself (though he was getting better at that, she had to admit.)
The alien glared at her. “Fine, you wish violence here, then you shall have it. I give you one challenge–shoot me dead with one shot, and the planet is yours. My people will, under my command here and now, bow to your empire and merge with it. Your army will grow, and then you can bother someone else and be their problem.”
Ell turned to Johnny and Zinjai, who were already rifling through the assortment of weapons they had brought in case of a blood bath.
“Look at that thing’s skin–it has to be all armor. We can’t know what’ll get through that.” Johnny said as he pushed aside gun after gun in search of something suitable.
Zinjai offered a terrified noise. “He’s right. This is most uncouth of them, and they know we aren’t likely to win this. Utterly abominable.”
“What about the eyes?” Ell asked.
Johnny turned to her, a high-power sniper rifle in his hands. “You’re a fucking genius. Asshole won’t see it coming.”
Ell groaned. “Really? Bad puns, right now?”
He just grinned, and handed the rifle to her. “Destroy that motherfucker, Boss. Sooner we do, the sooner we can go home.”
Zinjai was ignoring them now, tapping hurriedly on a handheld computer, searching for what she didn’t know or care. It didn’t matter, now that she had their victory at hand–and so easily, for once.
She turned back to the alien, the rifle heavy in her hands. She felt confident again–and very dangerous. But then, that always tended to follow confidence for her.
“Take your shot.” The alien said, in a voice dripping with superiority. A smug grin was affixed to their face.
For all of a moment, that was. It only took Ell a few seconds to fine-tune her aim (and bless that they were in an enclosed area with no wind or weather to worry about) and in what she guessed to be equal parts skill and luck, she struck the creature in the eye.
Blood gushed from its face, and screams echoed throughout the chamber and delegates ran from the room. The alien’s huge body thundered to the floor, covering them in blood as they watched the fall.
Zinjai tapped Ell on the shoulder as she stared triumphantly at her kill. “You’ve done your homework. How did you know that species’ weakness was their eyes?”
She shrugged. “I didn’t. What makes their eyes so weak? Aside from being, ya know, squishy globes of mush.”
Zinjai held up his handheld computer. “Well, as it says here, their biggest arteries and vital centers of the brain can be reached by a shot through the eye.” He cocked his head. “You really just guessed at this, didn’t you?”
“Yup.” Ell nodded, and handed the gun to Zinjai as she started to traipse through the river of blood now flowing through the conference room.
“Ell, come on now. Zinjai worked hard on that dress, we can’t let you ruin it like this.” Johnny said as he swept her up in his arms.
“Johnny, you can’t carry me all the way back. You don’t have to, at least. Not that I mind right now–I mean, holy shit, this is a ridiculous amount of blood. And that’s me saying this!”
“I’ll at least get you out of this mess. Besides, I wanna be the one to ruin that dress when I rip it off of you.” Johnny murmured.
“I heard that! And you’ll do no such thing–I spent hours on that and I am not retaking the Emperor’s measurements for a new one!” Zinjai called after them.
“Then you have to catch us before we reach the ship!” Ell yelled back.
Johnny took that as the cue to heft her over his shoulder’s in a fireman’s carry and took off out of the room and out to the walkway. They left Zinjai in the dust, and reached the ship in record time, laughing and out of breath.
“Your knee is gonna hate you for doing that.” Ell teased as Johnny set her back on her feet.
“Worth it. That was fun–at least the end was. Rest of it was a weird fucking mess full of asshole aliens, but as long as we get to kill someone by the end, then I’m happy.” Johnny led the way back into the ship and down the stairs to the ship’s common area.
The rest of Saints were sat there, crouched and leaning over the laptop in Kinzie’s lap. A stream of the conference room was visible, as well as the spiking lines of an audio stream.
“Oh good, you’re back! Nice job–even if that was kind of gross–and I mean the blood and that comment at the end, Johnny. But you got shit done.” Kinzie said.
“That’s why you keep me around, right?” Ell joked.
“You laugh, but we got to see and hear all of that. I had Zinjai line your clothes with a mic–pretty much the tiniest one they can make, almost impossible to see. It was enlightening, weirdly, to hear how you work when it comes down to just you and a crowd.”
Ell glared. “So you could have given me an earpiece and offered advice after those assholes laughed at me?”
“We could have, but you didn’t need it. The footage shows that.” Matt said.
“He’s right. You’re still not much of a diplomat, but it all worked out for the best here.” Asha added.
“Well thank you–I think.” Ell replied. “Now, how soon till we get to see our new planet?”
Shaundi stood, with her phone in her hand. “Zinjai just sent word saying he’s finishing up arrangements. You and Johnny sound like you’ll be… preoccupied for a bit,” She cleared her throat awkwardly, clearly not wanting to dwell on that topic. ”Pierce and I can do the initial run and touch down first–check for any potential assassins that are pissed you killed their emperor, things like that. Then we decide exactly how we want to start making it like Earth.”
“So we get to start over–again.” Ell sighed.
“Yeah, but this time we get to make the rules. That’s gonna make a pretty big difference for us.” PIerce said.
Ell looked to the wall of the space ship. She couldn’t see their new home, but the fact that it was out there was enough. “The world is ours then.”