Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They flew for the rest of the day, only stopping on deserted island chains when Appa needed a rest. By the time the sun was starting to sink beneath the horizon, they’d set up camp not far from the mainland. 

Zuko still didn’t know how to feel about being home.

Out on the islands that no one inhabited, it was easier to get caught up in the other’s antics, to pretend that he was still in the Earth Kingdom. But as he lay in his sleeping bag with nothing but the sound of the ocean crashing against the cliff face below them, he couldn’t pretend anymore.

Tomorrow, he would be setting foot in his homeland for the first time in three years. The welcome that he’d always longed for wouldn’t be forthcoming. Instead, just like Aang, he’d have to viciously hide who he was. 

At least he wouldn’t have to hide his scar. It was still a memorable feature that would draw attention and be easily traceable should Azula catch wind of it, but it wouldn’t immediately announce to his people who he was. No one from his nation, other than the occasional military personnel and his sister, had seen him since before his banishment, and he knew that his father hadn’t informed their people of the fact that he’d destroyed half of his son’s face. He’d overheard Uncle talking about it with someone once, not long after his banishment began, though he hadn’t had the courage to look and see who it was. His uncle would have been upset if he knew that Zuko had heard the pain and rage in his voice, so he’d never told him that he was eavesdropping that night instead of lying in bed.

As Zuko laid now under the light of the stars, his thoughts grew too loud for sleep to be an option, so he quietly slid out of his bedroll and walked to the cliff’s edge. Water was the opposite of his element, but he’d spent childhood summers on the beaches of Ember Island and several years at sea, so in some ways, it was as familiar as the fire within him. 

The ocean also reminded him of Uncle. He could remember searching the shoreline for shells with Lu Ten as his cousin’s father watched them from a distance; building castles with the wet sand as Uncle laughed, and warm nights around a fire on his uncle’s lap, his eyes closing sleepily as he watched Lu Ten chase the sparks that fell through the air.

Uncle holding him close that first night at sea as he sobbed, the pain of the burn and his banishment overwhelming. 

Zuko sat in the grass, knees drawn up to his chest as he stared out at the waves that he’d grown so familiar with; more familiar than a firebender had any right to be. He wondered if that made him any more of a disgrace than his people already thought he was.

The sound of footsteps behind him made him turn around, and he saw Toph approaching. She sat down next to him, and Zuko knew she would’ve made a seat for herself out of the rock beneath them if it wouldn’t have destroyed the grass and left a trace of them should anyone bother to look. It wasn't something she was used to worrying about, but Zuko had made sure to warn her of it.

Much like Zuko and Toph themselves, their homelands were very different on the outside, but made of the same things. Where Toph grew up surrounded by mountains and dry dirt, Zuko knew volcanoes, sand, and grass that stretched for miles across fertile soil. Where Toph was small and consistently loud, Zuko was taller and far more extreme in his presentation to the world; he could be as sullen and quiet as a snail sloth or as brash and explosive as the komodo rhinos they took into battle.

But just like the same four elements made up both of their homes, Zuko had found that, of all of them, he related to Toph the most. She’d also been raised by parents who were disappointed by her very existence. She had been forced into a mold she didn’t know how to fill and had been isolated from others her age in an attempt to hide her away. She had never been allowed to truly express herself, and when she showed her excellence in her chosen form, her parents had tried to force her to give it up; it wasn’t something that was seen as proper for her station.

She knew what it was to find a chance at freedom in the form of a bald monk and two bickering siblings and grab at it desperately with both hands.

She was also the one that was least likely to get him to talk about his feelings.

Katara, Aang, and even Sokka were all very emotional people and had no issue with it, though Sokka was admittedly more subtle about it most of the time. Toph, however, was as tough and steady as her element, something Zuko found comfort in when everything was just too much.

She’d also been the only one of them to sleep as they traveled. Aang had been at the reigns, Katara had been unable to take her eyes off him, Zuko had been giving them directions, and Sokka had sat in the back, gaze far away even as Toph leaned against him. They had all been exhausted by the time they landed for the night, Zuko being no exception, but he couldn’t bring himself to close his eyes.

He sat in silence with her for a long moment, staring out into the dark water while Toph laid back on the grass, her vacant eyes staring up toward the sky that she’d never see.

“How long has it been?” she asked quietly.

She may not bring up emotions of her own volition very often, but when she did, she was as straightforward and perceptive as always.

“Three years,” he answered, just as quiet. He knew she was watching him, even if he refused to look at her.

“I was a little older than you when I… left.” Was thrown out, he wanted to say. 

Toph didn’t reply for a minute. “I heard about your banishment, a while after it happened. My parents thought they were being quiet; they didn’t think I would be listening in.” Her head turned toward him the slightest bit. “Did he… did your father really burn you?”

Zuko tucked his chin over his knees. “Yeah.” His father hadn't told their people, but that didn't mean that news hadn't spread to others. The words of the old man from Lee's remote little town still slipped into his dreams sometimes.

His own father burned and disowned him!

“Is that what’s keeping you up?”

“No.” There were many things running through his mind tonight, but that wasn’t one of them. The horrified look on Hakoda’s face as he told him about the Agni Kai had stuck with him over the past few weeks; Sokka’s breaking voice in the cave as he asked what had happened and condemned the Firelord with the same breath; Bato’s narrowing eyes any time he caught sight of his scar and thought Zuko wasn’t watching him. All of it had chipped away at the wall he’d built, the one that told him his father had been forced to do it, had just been teaching him a necessary lesson; that it was his own fault. Two fathers and a son had told him that that view was wrong, and after thinking about Uncle, about the way he would have rather died himself than ever hurt Lu Ten, he knew they were right. He felt conflicted about his father, but not about that. Not any more.

“How do I know I’m doing the right thing?” he eventually asked. 

And that was the true issue he didn’t know how to answer. His father may have failed as a parent and led to the suffering of so many, but was this the right way to fix that? If they defeated him, then what? Would Zuko be put on the throne? The idea was as laughable as it was unimaginable. But if he was, if Uncle couldn’t rule instead, would he be any better? Would he be able to avoid the traps that his forefathers had fallen into? Would he stumble into new ones, taking his people into further ruin with him? He was going to be among them for the first time in so long, would they even still feel familiar to him? He’d grown used to the green of the Earth Kingdom during those long months, and seeing the Water Tribe men dressed in red had felt wrong, but was that just because he knew they should have been in blue, or because Zuko had changed too much to ever truly feel comfortable surrounded by the reds of his homeland again?

“I don’t belong here,” he whispered.

Toph stayed silent, and Zuko let her.

“When you think about it, would you change anything you’ve done?”

There were so many things Zuko would change, but he knew that wasn’t what she was asking.

Choosing Sokka over Azula.

Protecting the Avatar instead of capturing him.

Helping Hakoda steal a ship from his people.

Heading home without gaining any redemption from his father.

Choosing to fight against him, to stop him.

All of it had felt right when he’d done it, and all of it felt right now. It soothed over a part of him that had felt like it was drowning his entire life.

“No. I wouldn’t.”

He saw Toph smile out of the corner of his eye. “Then I guess you have your answer, Sparky. And even if you don’t belong anywhere else, which I’m not saying is true… you belong with us.”

He heard the unspoken just like I do. Zuko looked back at the three bodies that were asleep at Appa’s feet, the small white ball of Momo resting atop Aang’s bandaged chest. It had always been the five of them, ever since Aang had risen out of the icy depths of the South Pole (and hadn’t that been an interesting story to hear). Toph had come in to find an already established group, Zuko even more so.

But they both knew that they all belonged, which wasn’t a feeling Zuko was used to having in his life.

“Thank you.” 

Toph stood up, punching his shoulder in reply and holding out her hand. 

It’s how I show affection, she had told him the first time she’d done it. It really did suit her, even if it hurt more than he’d like. He let her haul him up and they walked back to the group. Zuko laid down again, and Toph rolled over next to him, laying her head on his chest.

“Shut up,” she whispered immediately. “It’s cold and you’re warm.”

Sokka had told him much the same thing before. Firebenders were far better at regulating the heat in their bodies, and keeping himself warm in the late spring air was a simple matter when compared to staying alive under the freezing ocean of the North Pole. A slight breeze was nothing.

He knew that wasn’t the real reason Toph had cuddled up to him, but was content to leave that unsaid.

He fell asleep fast with her comforting weight on his body.

***

“I think I see a cave below,” Aang called out as Appa began lowering them toward the ground. Aang was standing in the middle of his bison's saddle, no fear of falling in his body language, and bending a cloud around them. Zuko honestly wasn’t sure how he could see anything, much less something as specific as a cave, but he refrained from commenting as Sokka shushed them.

All of that meant nothing, however, when Aang blew the cloud away, causing multiple birds to cry out. Appa grunted as he landed, and Sokka shot off immediately, flattening his back against an outcropping of rock.

So much for quiet.

“Great job with the cloud camo,” Sokka said, staring disapprovingly at them as they dismounted, “but next time, let's disguise ourselves as the kind of cloud that knows how to keep its mouth shut.”

“Yeah, we wouldn't want a bird to hear us chatting up there and turn us in,” Toph mocked as they walked closer. Zuko understood and appreciated Sokka’s attempts to keep them concealed, but he was also moderately sure that Aang wouldn’t have chosen a spot where they would be easily overheard by wandering locals.

“Hey,” Sokka shot back, “we're in enemy territory. Those are enemy birds.” He pointed dubiously at the ones on the rock above him, one of which decided to hop down onto his head and squawked at them.

“I’m sure the toucan puffins are going to rat us out the second we turn our back,” Zuko responded dryly, crossing his arms.

The others giggled as Sokka shot him a look of betrayal. Zuko rolled his eyes, and walked toward the cave with them, leaving Sokka to shoo the bird off his hair without destroying his wolf tail.

Sokka ran to catch up with them after getting the bird to leave, little strands of hair falling into his face at his temples. Zuko had mourned the loss of Sokka with his hair down, but he had to admit the other boy looked just as good with it up. 

When it looked like Sokka was ready to jump in front of the group, however, Zuko grabbed his boyfriend’s shoulder, planting him firmly to the ground.

He’d had to keep Sokka grounded far more often than he had expected when he’d first gone with him. He was a genius and Zuko sometimes felt like his heart would beat out of his chest when Sokka smiled at him, but he was a little eccentric at times. He had been the oldest for so long that Zuko got the feeling he wasn’t used to being called out for his, at times, overly-cautious nature by a peer rather than his little sister. 

Zuko himself still hadn’t gotten used to the fact that he was now one of the most responsible members of a group.

Sokka pouted, but rushed around Toph, taking the lead and leaving Zuko to trail behind. 

He looked carefully around the cave before turning around to face them once they had all entered. “Well,” he announced, “this is it. This is how we'll be living until the invasion begins. Hiding in cave after cave… after cave after cave…” His head dropped lower and his voice grew more defeated as he trailed off. Zuko walked forward and placed his hand softly on Sokka’s shoulder again, shaking his head in amusement as Katara spoke up.

“Sokka, we don't need to become cave people,” she argued. “What we need is some new clothes.” She looked down at her crumpled dress that Zuko knew had seen better days.

“Yeah,” Aang agreed, his hands on his hips. His pants, the only part of his outfit they had been able to salvage, were even worse off, singed and torn by Azula's lightning. “Blending in is better than hiding out. If we get Fire Nation disguises, we would be just as safe as we would be hiding in a cave.” Aang smiled at the prospect and Momo perked up from where he was perched on Katara’s shoulder.

“He’s right,” Zuko said, turning to look at Sokka. “It’s how Uncle and I stayed alive so long in the Earth Kingdom, and if Azula hadn’t shown up, we probably could have lived out the rest of our lives without anyone realizing.”

“Plus, they have real food out there,” Toph chimed in from where she was lounging against the rocks. “Does anyone want to sit in the dirt and eat cave hoppers?” she asked rhetorically, slamming her elbow against the wall of the cave. Several bugs flew out into the cave as Zuko cringed. Agni, if she wasn’t an earthbender… 

Momo shot forward, snatching up one of the bugs. His chittering echoed in the cave before he froze and turned around, one of the legs still sticking out of his mouth.

Zuko felt his stomach turn just a little bit at the sight.

“Looks like we got outvoted, sport,” Sokka lamented, before perking up again. “Let’s get some new clothes.”

“Yes!” Aang yelled, already running out of the cave, Katara jogging after him with a smile. Toph pushed herself up and followed. When Sokka made to do the same, however, Zuko held him back.

Sokka frowned at him. “What?”

Zuko hesitated. “Are you… okay?” he asked.

Sokka hadn’t said much yesterday after they’d found Aang. Between the lack of his usual chatter and Toph being asleep, the ride here had been overly quiet. And though he wouldn’t admit it if anyone asked, he was pretty sure that part of the reason he couldn’t sleep last night was because Sokka had chosen to sleep in between his sister and Aang, rather than by him. Zuko had gotten too used to sharing a sleeping space apparently. 

Sokka’s frown deepened. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

And the words sounded right, Sokka was still meeting his eyes, but there was something in the way that he pulled his arm away from Zuko’s grasp that made Zuko think that there was something he wasn’t being told.

“Come on,” Sokka called over his shoulder, jogging to catch up to the others, and suddenly Zuko was alone in the cave with Appa, who groaned and laid down in the dirt. Zuko sighed and walked after them.

***

They followed Aang over to a waterfall he claimed he had seen as they were flying over. Sure enough, when they peaked their head over the rocks they were hiding behind, a building and several clotheslines lay in front of them. 

“I don’t know about this,” Aang admitted. “These clothes belong to somebody.”

Zuko felt the same. When he’d suggested new clothes, he’d thought that he or Sokka would go into town to buy them with the little money they had left. And sure he’d stolen a lot right after the North Pole and he was the last person that had a leg to stand on when it came to berating others for it, but he’d grown since then. Uncle had gotten it through his thick skull that the people he was stealing from didn’t deserve it and that it was wrong to do so (though he still maintained that the boat captain had deserved it). He knew Uncle would be disappointed if he stole again.

That is, if he didn’t already hate Zuko for leaving him behind.

“I call the silk robe!” Katara yelled, jumping out of hiding and running toward the clothes.

“But if it’s essential to our survival…” Aang relented, “then I call the suit!” He too threw himself over the rocks, Toph not far behind him. 

Zuko sighed. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d disgraced himself, and he doubted it would be the last. At least this was a minor transgression.

He made a note of where they were though. Once everything was said and done, if he could, he’d visit and pay whoever owned the clothes back for their unwitting contribution to the war effort.

He grabbed the loosest fitting clothes that he could find. He was used to covering his entire body, between the garbs of the Earth Kingdom, the armor he’d worn while searching for the Avatar, and the robes and well tailored outfits of his youth, so when he saw a short sleeve top that wouldn’t cling to him as tightly and pants that flowed out a little in the thighs, he took them. He grudgingly grabbed a pair of plain footwear that would come up just below his knees to tuck the loose pants into as well, knowing it would get more uncomfortable the further into summer they got, but it would make Aang, who was now covered head to toe in order to hide his tattoos, stand out a little less. The clothes that Zuko had grabbed for himself looked a little more worn and well loved than what Aang had chosen, but he needed something that looked as far away from nobility as possible, and used clothes were a good start.

He knew he should probably have grabbed a robe instead, since he was old enough to start wearing them now, but he wasn’t ready to take that step yet. He grabbed a dark tunic and sash that matched the one Toph had chosen as a compromise instead.

By the time he’d changed out of his military issue outfit and into his new clothes, Aang was tying a bandana around his forehead, fully covering the last of his tattoos. He gaze turned to Sokka, and he noticed the dark bands Sokka had tied around his biceps as he raised his arms up to pull his hair into a topknot. It wasn’t a common accessory in the Fire Nation, but it wasn’t unheard of either. Mostly they were just worn by guards.

They reminded him of the band Hakoda wore on his left arm; Zuko knew the man had even worn it underneath his armor while on the ship. He also knew he should probably speak up and veto Sokka's addition, not wanting them to stand out any more than necessary, but his mind kept looping back to the way Sokka had clung desperately to his father every time they hugged.

He didn’t say anything as he pulled his boots on.

“Ta-dah!” Aang announced as he turned around with a flourish. “Normal kid.”

Zuko didn’t envy how warm he would get with so many heavy layers, but he did look good. If it weren’t for his big gray eyes, Zuko could almost believe that his gaze would be able to skip right over the kid if he saw him on the street. From a distance, they were dark enough to pass for brown, but almost no one in the Fire Nation had eyes that wide. Ty Lee was honestly the only person Zuko could think of off the top of his head.

Toph hummed. “I should probably wear shoes… But then I won't be able to see as well.” Zuko had noticed that she never wore shoes, and he felt a little bad, but there was no way she’d be able to run around without them. It would draw too many disapproving eyes. “Sorry, shoes!” she sang gleefully, sitting down and shoving her foot through the sole, the bottom flying off and smacking Sokka in the face. Zuko had to choke down a laugh at the sight, not wanting to make Sokka feel any worse.

“Finally,” she continued, admiring her work, “a stylish shoe for the blind earthbender.” Zuko looked back toward his boots, hiding his smile behind the choppy hair that fell over his eyes.

He looked up again when he heard Katara approach. “How do I look?” she asked happily.

Putting it frankly, she looked beautiful. Like Ty Lee, she had chosen an outfit that showed off her midriff, a choice she would appreciate as it got hotter. Like her brother, her top also left her arms uncovered and she too had chosen gold bands for her upper arms. Her wide blue eyes wouldn’t be as easy to hide as Aang’s, and her and Sokka’s darker skin would stand out a bit more than Aang or Toph’s pale complexions, but all in all, she looked nice. The blush he could see on Aang’s cheeks seemed to agree with him.

Her outfit was impeccable; except for one thing.

“Uh, your mom’s necklace…”  Aang pointed out, sounding guilty.

Katara immediately reached a hand up toward the pendant, something Zuko had seen her do many times, but this time it looked familiar for another reason.

Hakoda had done the same thing with the band on his upper arm several times during the past few weeks when he was lost in thought. His hand would curl absently around his arm and seem to cave into himself, closing his eyes, or staring off vacantly toward the horizon, just like Katara was doing now. The first time he’d seen the man do so was when he’d told Zuko about his wife.

He was doubly glad he hadn’t said anything to Sokka about the arm bands now.

“Oh,” Katara said glumly. “Oh, yeah. I guess it’s pretty obviously Water Tribe, isn’t it?” she acknowledged, already reaching up to take it off. Zuko was pretty sure even someone who had never met her before would be able to read the sorrow in her voice, despite her attempts to hide it. She held the blue ribbon in her hand, staring down sadly as she closed her fist around it.

She looked… off, without something around her neck. It was such a small strip of fabric, but she looked wrong without it, seeming almost naked now, which was absurd since she was still fully clothed. Still, Zuko felt another pang of guilt about taunting her with it, back when she’d lost it. It was all she had left of a mother who loved her; Zuko knew if he’d had anything of his mother’s left, he would never want to be away from it.

“You could tie it around your leg,” Zuko pointed out before he could stop himself.

Katara frowned gently, confusion clear on her face. “What?” She tilted her head the same way her father and brother did.

Zuko felt his heart rate rise as they all turned to look at him. “I- I mean,” he stuttered, internally cursing himself; he never had been able to keep his mouth shut. “Sorry, it was a stupid idea. Ignore me,” he muttered, facing the ground again.

“Maybe not,” Katara said quietly. Zuko looked up at her, and there was a small smile on her face. “It might not work, but… thank you anyways,” she said.

Zuko blinked and nodded, standing up to hide the way he flushed at her gratitude.

“We should leave before anyone notices their clothes are missing,” he said, already heading back toward the cave.

He heard them all shuffling behind him but resolutely stared forward. Someone drew up beside him, matching his pace.

Sokka.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, also looking forward.

Zuko’s blush deepened. “You’re welcome,” he whispered. 

And if his hand brushed against Sokka’s as they walked, well. No one said anything about it.

When they reached the cave again, Katara pulled out her white wrappings and rolled up her skirt and the leg of her pants. The necklace wasn’t quite long enough for her to tie it around her lower thigh; the strain from the muscles working there as she walked would break the clasp if she tried. She laid it down against her skin instead, and wrapped the white cloth over it, completely covering the blue and holding it in a snug fit against her skin. When she stood, her clothes covered it completely. She flexed her leg around, testing the tightness, and kicked up. Aang assured her that nothing was visible. The pants flowed out loosely around her calves, but tightened enough to still be comfortable while preventing any unfortunate flashing of skin just above the knee. 

Zuko could see how much lighter Katara seemed without the total loss of her necklace, and Sokka was smiling softly from where he was leaning against the cave walls watching.

He really did look unfairly good in red. The bands highlighting the muscle in his arms as he crossed them didn’t hurt either.

Really glad he hadn’t said anything.

Sokka clapped his hands together as Katara settled down again. “I believe I was promised food?”

“Finally,” Toph exclaimed, already moving toward the exit. They all followed her out, Momo running after them and jumping up onto Aang’s shoulders.

“I can probably get another necklace in town,” Katara mused as they walked. Her hand briefly touched her neck. “It feels weird not wearing anything,” she admitted.

“Too bad there aren’t any flowers. Aang could’ve just made you another one,” Sokka joked, nudging the airbender with his elbow. Aang blushed a little and Zuko raised his eyebrow, because that definitely sounded like a story.

“Twinkle Toes does jewelry now too?” Toph questioned, mirth coloring her tone as Aang blushed deeper. 

“One of my friends taught me how to do it,” he defended, hiding behind Momo’s tail. “Katara was so sad after she lost her necklace a few months ago, so I made another one.”

And there was the guilt again.

“Zuko brought it back eventually,” Katara teased, smiling over at him. “You know, you were actually really close to meeting Bato that day. We’d only parted ways a few minutes before you found us.”

“Wait, Bato?” Zuko asked, stopping in his tracks. The rest of the group stopped ahead of him and looked back toward him.

“Yeah,” Sokka said. “Dad left him at that abbey when he got his burn and we ran into him. He was heading back to a rendezvous with the rest of the fleet when you caught up to us with that giant… mole… thing.”

“Shirshu,” Zuko corrected absently. He’d come within minutes of meeting Bato. He knew without a doubt he wouldn’t have cared about the other man in the slightest. Over the last few weeks, the thought of Bato getting hurt had crossed his mind every time they passed by another ship, and it had caused him no small amount of stress (he couldn’t stand the thought of anyone else get hurt trying to protect him. Not again), but thinking about what could have happened had he been a little faster that day made him feel sick. And he knew Bato had his burn cared for in an abbey, but he hadn’t known which abbey. 

Of course it was the one he’d helped destroy. The people there had saved the man that had given Zuko a chance after he’d done nothing but hurt the people around him, and he’d repaid them with nothing but ruin.

“Zuko?” Katara asked worriedly. “Are you alright?”

“Your heart’s going all over the place,” Toph said, frowning.

Zuko swallowed back his pain. “Fine,” he answered, walking forward again. “I don’t think he would’ve liked me back then,” he added quietly. Zuko had been hunting Sokka and Katara, had kidnapped them and held them hostage; Zuko was pretty sure Bato would’ve tried to kill him if he’d been there, and Zuko would’ve fought back just as fiercely. Hakoda had been right to try and protect Bato from him that first night after all it seemed.

“He likes you now,” Sokka insisted, just as quiet.

And that’s exactly why it hurt so much.

The mood was much more subdued as they continued toward the town, but Zuko couldn’t make himself say anything to lighten it.

Once they reached the main street, Zuko hung back a little and they all perked up, taking in the sight. He strongly doubted that any of them had seen the Fire Nation before, and they all looked intrigued as they searched for a stand that was selling accessories.

Aang slowed his pace a little, falling into step with Zuko as the others continued looking around. Momo chirped a little, sniffing in his direction until Zuko leaned away.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aang asked softly, his wide eyes staring up at him.

“No,” he replied bluntly.

“Oh,” Aang blinked. He didn’t stay deterred for long, though. “Are you sure? You looked really upset back there.”

Zuko sighed sharply, looking away. “I doubt you would understand.”

“Maybe not,” Aang allowed, “but I know sometimes it helps to talk about it anyway.”

Zuko folded his arms, turning his head a little to look at Aang. He was walking on Zuko’s left side and moving in and out of his barely there blind spot with every step.

“You know what I used to be like,” Zuko finally said in a low voice. “I would’ve hurt Bato back then, and I wouldn’t have even cared. He would’ve been nothing more than an obstacle that stood between me catching you.”

Aang hummed quietly, face suddenly seeming a little older with the serious tint it had taken.

“You did hurt me, before. And Katara. And Sokka. All of us forgave you for it,” Aang pointed out. “Why is this different?”

Because none of you have acted like a father to me. Because I never hurt any of you the way I would’ve hurt him.

“It’s complicated,” he said instead.

“How so?”

Zuko almost didn’t answer as they kept walking slowly. “Because he was the one person I was sure I’d never hurt.” 

Aang looked up at him again, brow crinkled a little in confusion. “You haven’t hurt him,” he assured Zuko.

“But I would have,” he repeated. 

Aang frowned, looking like he was thinking. “It’s easy to dwell on the past,” he said quietly. “‘What if I had done this?’ ‘What if I hadn’t done this?’ But we did what we did, and we didn’t do what we didn’t; there’s no one that can change that. You didn’t hurt him. You did hurt us, but you also chose to help us, to save me. Would you hurt Bato now?”

“No!” Zuko whispered harshly, looking around to make sure he hadn’t been loud enough to attract attention with his exclamation.

“That’s what matters,” Aang replied. “We all make mistakes.” He dropped his gaze briefly. “The only reason they were with Bato at that point is because I lied to them.”

“You what?” Zuko asked incredulously, unable to hide the shock in his voice.

Aang looked ashamed now. Momo’s ears flattened and he ducked down closer to the airbender’s neck. “There was a message for Bato; a map that told him where to meet with Sokka and Katara's dad. And I thought they were going to leave me to see him again, so… I hid it. It was selfish and wrong, and they weren’t even planning on going in the first place, but when I told them what I’d done, they left. I knew exactly how much it meant to them to be able to see their dad again, and I took that choice away from them. They left with Bato because of me. Otherwise, we would’ve been long gone by the time you got there.” Aang looked at him again and Zuko could see the hint of regret in his face.

“We all make mistakes,” Aang insisted again. “At least this time, yours is only hypothetical.” He offered a small smile and Zuko didn’t really feel like smiling, but he returned it, his lips just barely tilting up enough to count.

“Thank you,” he said, gaze sliding forward again.

Immediately, Aang brightened again. “Any time, Hotman!”

“What did you just-?”

“Guys, over here,” Sokka called out, waving them over to a booth that Katara and Toph were browsing.

Aang grinned and bolted toward them, leaving Zuko with a half asked question on his tongue. Sokka turned around, grinning brightly at the collection of hair ornaments in front of him. Zuko shook his head, huffing out a silent laugh as he walked over to them.

Katara was paying for the items they’d purchased when he joined them again. She tied a red ribbon around her neck, Toph placed a golden hair band over her bangs, and Sokka was straightening a tie in his hair, a small red Fire Nation symbol on the front of it.

He smiled when Zuko stopped next to him, holding out an identical tie. “I got one for you too,” he explained, dropping it in Zuko’s hand as the shopkeeper moved away from them, already trying to entice more customers to his stand.

You will fight for your honor. His father’s harsh words echoed in his heart.

You got your honor back when you chose Aang, Sokka’s soft voice argued back.

Zuko had never been allowed to wear a knot before, not like Sokka was now. It had always been a phoenix tail.

He thought of Uncle’s proud smile when he’d told Zuko to go ahead and help Aang, that he would free himself from the crystals; Hakoda’s wide grin and Bato’s softer smile when he’d joined them aboard the stolen Fire Navy ship.

He saw the way Bato always flinched away from his fire, imagined that same cringe and fear tenfold had he met him in the forest that day; Hakoda’s piercing glare, unwilling to trust him with the ones he loved most; his father staring down at him on his knees with nothing but disgust; the pain and sorrow in Uncle’s face as he yelled for him to run.

He knew he should just tie his hair up, he knew it would make them stand out less.

But he couldn’t. 

Not yet.

“Keeping my hair down will help hide my scar,” he reasoned, putting the tie in his pocket instead. “It’ll be a lot harder for someone to track ‘the guy with shaggy hair’ than ‘the one with the huge scar over his eye.’ Burns are a lot less common of an injury here than they are in the Earth Kingdom.”

Sokka seemed to accept the explanation easily enough, and they joined the others in the shadow of a nearby building.

“I used to visit my friend Kuzon here a hundred years ago,” Aang explained as Momo shuffled around inside his suit, not slowing down in the slightest at the animal's movements. “So, everyone just follow my lead and stay cool. Or, as they say in the Fire Nation, stay flamin'.” He winked at Katara as he said the phrase, strutting off assuredly before any of them could say so much as a word.

“We’re going to die,” Zuko sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. The only thing that kept him from dragging Aang back here by his ear and smacking the back of his head was the fact that his impromptu heart-to-heart session had actually reassured him a little.

“Greetings, my good hotman,” Aang declared with the utmost confidence as he walked past a man. 

“Oh, hi… I guess?” he responded as Sokka shrugged. Zuko turned his face away a little as he passed, still paranoid that someone would recognize him despite everything.

As they approached the shop in front of them, however, Aang seemed to deflate a little. “Oh,” he frowned. “We're going to a meat place?”

Sokka turned around to look at him and Zuko could practically see him drooling. “Come on, Aang,” he coaxed, “everyone here eats meat. Even the meat.” Zuko’s eyes followed to where Sokka was pointing at a hippo cow in the middle of the square. It opened its maw wide and ate the fly-ridden meat in front of it straight off the ground.

When he turned away, unable to look any longer, he saw Aang gagging and cringing. Zuko honestly couldn’t blame him. “You guys go ahead,” the airbender offered, sounding a bit put out. “I’ll just get some lettuce out of the garbage.” His dry tone almost made Zuko smile, but he held it back.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come in with us, even if you’re not going to eat?” he asked. It didn’t feel right to leave him out here by himself looking so down.

Aang shuddered, though. “Positive.”

Toph was already walking through the doorway, so Zuko turned around and followed.

“What can I get for you?” the man at the counter asked. He leaned forward on his arm and stared down at them.

“Five sticks of whatever’s fresh, please,” Sokka said eagerly, stepping forward.

Zuko frowned. “I thought-” Crap, I can’t say Aang’s name in here. “-uh. Your little brother didn’t want any?” he stuttered out.

Sokka barely even glanced back at him. “What? I’m getting two for me.”

Zuko slapped him, and glared right back at him when he turned around, rubbing at his arm where the hit had landed.

“We’ll take four,” Katara interjected politely. The man was watching on, amused, but took the money and handed them four sticks a moment later.

“You kids enjoy,” he called out as they moved further into the shop and sat down. They were a few other customers chatting towards the front, but the spot they were in was a little quieter and no one was around them.

“What was that for?” Sokka grumbled before taking a bite of his food.

“We need to save our money,” Zuko glared. “Unless you plan on settling down and getting a job, that’s a finite resource that we literally can’t afford to waste.” 

“What’s got you so uptight?” Toph questioned, eating her food with just as much gusto as Sokka.

Zuko turned his glare to her, content in the fact that she couldn’t see it anyways.

“I would prefer not having to deal with starvation again if I can help it,” he bit out. If they blew through their money, Zuko knew he would do whatever it took to feed them, regardless of what it cost him. He’d rather drown in Uncle’s disappointment than watch his friends’ well-fitted clothing become baggy as they lost stored up fat and muscle mass. Aang in particular had a lot of baby fat still clinging to his face, and Zuko would let the guilt of stealing eat him alive if it meant that he didn’t have to watch those cheeks slowly hollow out.

Katara lowered her stick, looking at him with a pinched brow. “When were you starving?” she asked incredulously.

Zuko turned away from her concerned eyes and the way Sokka and Toph had now joined her in frowning at him.

“I was a refugee,” he said bitterly. “We didn’t exactly have a lot in the way of money.” He could still remember the pain in his stomach as he floated on that piece of driftwood for the third week in a row, the strength it had taken to give his uncle the fish he’d managed to catch, claiming he’d already eaten another one; watching his uncle wither away in front of him, losing more weight than Zuko thought could possibly be healthy, had frighten Zuko more than the prospect of his own death at the time. The days he’d spent away from Uncle on the back of an ostrich horse he’d stolen from Song’s family had been almost as bad, the sweltering heat beating down on his back and his vision blurred from the lack of water.

“I’m sorry,” Sokka said quietly. Zuko looked up to see him staring at Zuko with sad eyes. “I didn’t think-” he stopped himself, looking away from Zuko. Katara and Toph stayed quiet, Katara looking between them apprehensively while Toph frowned at the table. 

“I didn’t-” Zuko tried, before cutting himself off with a sigh. Why was he so bad at this? “I didn’t mean to make you feel bad,” he apologized softly.

“No, you’re right,” Sokka argued, looking down at the stick he still held in his hand. “I wasn’t thinking.”

“I understand. When we’d come to port after weeks of nothing but ship rations, I was usually the first in line to get a bite of real food,” he admitted.

Sokka gave him a weak smile and began eating again, noticeably without the same enthusiasm as before.

Sokka wouldn’t meet his eye again for the rest of the meal.

And here Zuko had thought he couldn’t possibly get any angrier with himself.

They got up quietly after finishing their meal in silence. 

He had also thought that the day couldn’t get any worse after that stellar conversation, but he was proved wrong once again when no Aang greeted them as they left the building. Zuko craned his neck, looking around to see if Aang was off pestering more innocent people, but he couldn’t catch sight of him anywhere.

“Toph,” he asked, keeping his voice as level as possible. “Where’s Aang?”

Her head was tilted down and to the side as if she were listening to something intently. “I… I don’t know,” she admitted, her cloudy eyes widening behind the bangs that hung in her face.

Sokka met his gaze now, his eyes wide and panicked.

***

They split up, Zuko staying with Toph, and searched as much of the town as possible without drawing the wrong kind of attention to themselves. They loitered around outside the jail, both hoping and dreading that Toph would recognize Aang’s ‘fancy footwork’ within its walls. 

She didn’t.

The sun was high in the sky when they ran into the Water Tribe siblings again, and the lack of a short kid with them told Zuko they’d been about as successful as he and Toph had been.

“We could find him in any of the shops along the main street,” Katara reported, hands worriedly toying with the section of her hair that hung over her shoulders. 

“I couldn’t see him in the jail either, I don’t think,” Toph replied, crossing her arms tightly. 

Sokka’s eyes were still sweeping across the street, as if hoping Aang would magically appear this time if he just looked hard enough.

“Where else could he be?” Zuko asked. He tried to think of the few towns he’d visited and seen from a distance with his mother. There was always a main thoroughfare with businesses, always a law enforcement district and housing, but they couldn’t exactly search through every house hoping to find the Avatar.

Zuko certainly had the capability, but it would be far more difficult in the daytime and would raise a lot more questions than they could currently afford.

They split off again, worry present on each of their faces. The sun got lower and lower in the sky as they searched and Zuko considered throwing caution to the wind anyways, but Toph pulled him away and they trudged back to the cave together.

“If we can’t find Twinkle Toes, we should at least be here if he comes back. Otherwise he might run off looking for us."

It made sense, but that didn’t mean that Zuko liked it any more.

Toph sat down hard on the ground as soon as they entered the cave. Appa rumbled deep in his throat as the ground shook just a bit from the impact, his head lifting up blearily. Zuko sighed, and walked over to the bison. Appa rumbled quietly again when Zuko buried his hand in the thick fur, his head eventually joining the hand in laying against Appa’s side.

I knew I shouldn’t have left him alone.

He knew, more than most, exactly how much trouble the Avatar could get into when left to his own devices, why hadn’t he pushed for Aang to come with them? He’d rather deal with a sullen kid than a missing one.

Thoughts of the Pohuai Stronghold crossed his mind in the artificial darkness of Appa’s fur. Aang had been alone then, too. And Zuko had ended the Blue Spirit for Uncle, watched the mask sink to the bottom of the lake until he couldn’t have taken it back even if he’d wanted to, but he was beginning to fear he’d need to resurrect him once more. Seeing Aang chained up and terrified had brought a discomfort Zuko hadn’t known how to address at the time, but thinking about it now made his stomach twist violently.

Fears and worry swirled around and around in his mind until he couldn’t take it anymore and he shoved away from Appa harshly. Toph’s head was already looking in his direction; he knew his heart was beating much harder than normal.

“I’m going to gather firewood,” he said briskly, already moving out of the cave.

When he returned, wood and stones in hand, Sokka and Katara were back. He didn’t see Aang with them.

“We couldn’t find him,” Sokka said anyway. He was pacing back and forth across the length of the cave.

Katara was sitting in front of Appa, rubbing the darker arrow on his head, eyes still just as troubled as they had been the last time he’d seen her.

“The sun will be going down soon, and we need to eat,” Zuko said, instead of commenting on his own failure to find Aang. That seemed to be the story of his life.

He dropped the wood onto the dirt and knelt down next to it. He’d grabbed a few rocks as well and now arranged them in a wide circle. He’d always been the one sent to gather them when he was travelling with Uncle, and the repetitive task soothed him with its ease as much as it made his heart ache for what he was missing.

Sokka roughly grabbed his boomerang and walked out of the cave.

“Sokka, I can get the fish-” Katara began to offer, but Sokka stormed off without a word and her voice trailed off into nothing.

“He just… needs a minute to himself,” Zuko mumbled, placing the sticks in the center of the rocks.

“I know,” Katara sighed, pulling her knees up to her chest. One of her hands trailed absently over her thigh where her mother’s necklace was now bound.

Zuko lit the fire, feeling his anger and fear fueling the flames. 

He made sure it was a slower and more gradual process than he’d normally do when he was with Uncle. He knew how afraid Appa could be of fire sometimes.

He’d messed up everything else today, but he refused to scare the bison too.

While Katara went about setting up the spit so that they could cook and Toph stayed with her head tilted down watching for Aang, or anyone else’s, approach, Zuko left to go find Sokka. There were two fish lying still on the shore behind him. 

“Do you want any help?” he asked quietly, stopping just out of reach of them.

Sokka froze for a second at the sound of his voice, but didn’t turn around. 

“No,” Sokka muttered, head lowered toward the ground.

Zuko dithered around awkwardly for a second, trying to think of what Uncle would say if he were here; he’d never been great at understanding his old proverbs.

Eventually, he decided that direct was better than nothing. “What’s really going on? I know you’re just as scared as the rest of us, but this is more than that. You've been weird since we found Aang yesterday.” For a minute, he thought Sokka was ignoring him, refusing to answer.

“I feel useless,” Sokka replied bitterly, still staring out into the open sea. “What happens if we can’t find him? What happens if we just lost our one chance at winning this war because I was too blinded by my stomach to think about how leaving Aang alone in the middle of the Fire Nation is a horrible idea?”

“Sokka, you couldn’t have known-” Zuko tried, but that just made Sokka even more agitated.

“Except I did know,” Sokka bit back, a new edge to his words. “I knew exactly how much of a trouble magnet Aang is, I knew he doesn't eat meat, and I knew I should’ve protected him! What good am I if I can’t protect the people I care about!” Sokka yelled desperately, flinging himself around to finally face Zuko. He could see the pain in Sokka’s eyes now as clear as day.

“Sokka, this wasn’t your fault,” Zuko argued, pausing as the last time he’d seen Sokka so upset came to mind. “And you did protect him,” he continued, a little quieter. “In the caves. He wouldn’t even be here right now if you hadn’t been so quick to grab him and get him out of there.”

Sokka scoffed. “He nearly died because I couldn’t help; because I’m not a bender like the rest of you.”

“Hey,” Zuko barked, taking a step forward, “you know that’s not true. You’re better at tactics than all the rest of us combined. Your value isn’t determined by your bending.” The words were true for Sokka, and there was no way he could know how much of a gift that truly was. You were lucky to be born. “And you didn’t fail,” he insisted, ignoring the ghost of his father’s words.

It was quiet between them for a moment, only the sound of the waves lapping against the shore at their feet filling the air.

“He isn’t the only person I didn’t save,” Sokka whispered miserably. “That wasn’t the first time I just stood back and watched as I lost someone I loved.”

Zuko felt his brief frustration and anger slip away. “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault,” he replied softly. “You’re too hard on yourself.”

“No, it was,” Sokka corrected lifelessly. “Her dad asked me to protect her; I had her hand in mine, and she still died. I didn’t even try to stop it.” His voice broke and he turned away, blinking furiously. Zuko caught sight of the tears gathering in Sokka’s eyes before they were out of view.

Zuko was at a loss, unsure of what to do. “Who?” he eventually asked.

“Her name was Yue,” he whispered, voice shaking. “She was the princess of the Northern Water Tribe. The moon spirit gave her life when she was born, and when Zhao killed it in the oasis, she gave that life back. I was right there, and I still lost her.” His shoulders were tense as he grabbed his arms, folding them tightly to his body.

Zuko thought about the figure he’d seen over the moon while they searched for Aang not two days ago. He’d thought he’d imagined it, the worry and lack of sleep getting to him, but those haunting words came back to him. 

Take care of him.

He was failing as spectacularly at that as he had at everything else in his life.

“She led us to Aang that night,” Zuko guessed numbly. “That’s why you’ve been so… distant.”

“I felt so guilty,” Sokka confirmed. “I couldn’t protect her, I couldn’t protect Aang or even Suki when she actually needed it; why would I ever think I could protect you?”

Zuko’s brows furrowed, even as his heart ached for Sokka. “Who’s Suki?” He was almost afraid to know at this point. How many people had Sokka lost?

“She’s one of the Kyoshi Warriors. That’s how your sister got into Ba Sing Se. Her and her friends were wearing their armor; their face paint. I don’t know how they got it, if Suki’s okay or if she was-” he stopped himself and took a breath, and Zuko knew the feeling. “She told me she could protect herself, that’s why I-” He stopped again, but this time it had the tone of someone who had said something they shouldn’t have.

“Why you what?” Zuko questioned slowly.

Sokka turned around again slowly, only meeting Zuko’s gaze hesitantly.

“She… She helped us get across the Serpent’s Pass. Before she left, I- I kissed her,” Sokka admitted and Zuko’s heart froze a little. He hoped Toph wasn’t listening too carefully.

“You kissed her?” Zuko whispered harshly. At the Serpent’s Pass; right before they got to Ba Sing Se. “And how long did you wait between that and kissing me, a week?”  

“No!” Sokka yelled back, sounding hurt. “It wasn’t like that! I don’t- we didn’t- we never decided what we are, we kissed and then she left again!”

“You knew she might’ve been in trouble when I got thrown down in those caves with you, didn’t you?” he demanded. “What was I then, a rebound?”  

“No!” Sokka yelled again, more upset than hurt now. “I care about you just as much!”

“But not more?” Zuko asked cruelly, knowing it was more than a little unfair but not caring. “If she were here right now, would you still be dating me?”

It was only a split second of hesitation, but Zuko could see the indecision in the way Sokka’s gaze faltered. He didn’t know.

“Zuko, I-”

Zuko turned his back to him, his hand thrown up against Sokka’s words as he walked back toward the cave.

Zuko had never been afraid of Sokka before, not even when they were actively fighting against each other. He’d respected him, yes, but never truly feared being hurt by him.

But there was a difference between being hurt by an enemy and being hurt by someone you loved, someone you trusted.

Zuko was used to both, but one was a lot more painful in his experience.

***

When Toph perked up a little while later as the sun began setting, Zuko almost didn’t care.

That’s a lie, a part of him whispered, and it was right. He’d been racked with fear for most of the day, and he knew the others had been just as terrified. He was beyond relieved that Aang was probably okay, even if they now needed to leave immediately.

But he was still reeling from his conversation with Sokka. He had walked silently into the cave not long after Zuko had, tossing three fish to Katara before leaving again. He’d come when Katara called for dinner and they had all eaten in silence with only the crackling of the fire to fill the void.

Sokka had sat between Toph and his sister. He’d tried to catch Zuko’s eyes exactly once, and when Zuko had glared at him, Sokka had laid down on the floor, gaze fixed on the ceiling.

He knew Toph wanted to ask about what had happened between them, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it. She could listen to his heart all she wanted; it wasn’t going to tell her any more about what he was feeling than it told him.

There was a puff of dirt at the mouth of the cave as Aang landed lightly on the ground, Momo jumping off of his shoulder. Katara immediately sat up. “Where have you been?” she demanded. “We've been worried sick!”

As Aang walked further into the firelight, Zuko could see the way his clothes and face were stained with something dark. Only the huge grin on the airbender's face kept Zuko from panicking at the thought that it could be blood or ash.

Aang reached up and began untying his headband. “I got invited to play with some kids after school,” he explained easily.

He heard Sokka shoot to his feet behind him. “After what?!” he yelled, disbelief clear in his voice. 

Zuko couldn’t help but begrudgingly agree. 

“I enrolled in a Fire Nation school,” Aang said, still just as relaxed. “And I'm going back tomorrow.”

If he hadn’t been so upset with Sokka, he would’ve at least cracked a smile at the gobsmacked look on his face. “Enrolled in what?!” he cried, before falling back and banging his head against the floor of the cave. He groaned as his hands flew up to cover his face. 

Toph sighed and lifted up seats for all of them out of the ground. Aang stared in confusion at Sokka before taking a seat next to Katara. Sokka pushed himself off the floor and sat down on her other side, his arms crossed and a disapproving look on his face.

He recalled how panicked and upset Sokka had been with Aang’s disappearance, and though Sokka wasn’t winning any popularity contests with him at the moment, he still empathized with his worry, as well as his anger and the hidden relief that their worry had apparently been in vain. 

“Aang, I'm trying to be mature and not immediately shoot down your idea,” Sokka began, a forced calm in his voice, “but it sounds ... really terrible.” Some of the annoyance Zuko knew they were all feeling shown through in his last two words.

“Yeah, we got our outfits. What do you need to go to school for?” Toph argued mockingly. She’d been taught by private tutors, too, Zuko remembered. They were both of the stance that real world learning was far more valuable.

“Every minute I'm in that classroom, I'm learning new things about the Fire Nation,” Aang replied passionately. “I already have a picture of Fire Lord Ozai. And here's one that I made out of noodles!” 

Zuko lunged forward, ripping the first picture out of Aang’s hands as he lowered it in favor of showing off his noodle portrait. His father’s glaring eyes stared back at him from the ornate scroll. He couldn’t tell if the picture was dated or if his father just hadn’t changed, because he looked exactly the same as Zuko remembered him.

His breath came out shaky as he stared and he quickly tossed it over the flames as if it had been the one to burn him, rather than the man whose image it held.

He felt a vicious blend of satisfaction, guilt, and fear as he watched it blacken and shrivel up among the flames.

“You okay Sparky?” Toph asked carefully. She'd probably felt his heart and breathing go wild the second Aang had pulled out the scroll.

“Fine,” he bit out roughly, pointedly not looking at anyone.

Or the fire. 

After a beat of silence, Sokka spoke up again, quieter than before. “Aang, I get it, but I still think it's too dangerous.”

Zuko looked up just in time to see the brief flash of sadness on Aang's face before it disappeared. “Sokka, when am I ever going to get a chance like this again?” he protested. 

Sokka’s eyes glanced over at him briefly before turning to Aang again. “You could just ask Zuko?” he said, but he sounded a little unsure.

Zuko was only a little offended. Just because he was pissed with Sokka, didn’t mean he was going to suddenly turn his back on them. His reaction to his father’s portrait proved that he couldn’t go back to him right now, even if he knew his father would welcome him with open arms. 

He’d chosen his uncle, and he would stand by that choice.

Though he did mildly appreciate the fact that Sokka seemed hesitant to volunteer him for things without asking beforehand.

Aang rolled his eyes. “Zuko knows things about his country and his family, but that’s completely different from what these kids are learning!”

“Aang,” Sokka sighed.

Zuko could see how badly Aang wanted to stay. 

He remembered Aang’s too wise face in the market, the way he’d immediately taken on the responsibility of saving them on the ship just a few hours after waking up from a life threatening wound, and the giant grin on his face when he’d walked into the cave after spending the day playing games.

Sokka’s words in the tent that first morning after Ba Sing Se came back to him too, not for the first time.

He’s still just a kid. And he hasn’t had the chance to just be a kid in a long time…

“He’s right,” Zuko cut in, crossing his arms as all eyes turned to him. “I was taught by palace tutors; I never went to a formal school. The curriculum I was taught was specifically tailored by my-” the word father caught in his throat as his gaze skipped over the fire. “the Firelord.”

“See,” Aang implored, “even Zuko agrees!”

He could tell that Sokka wasn’t completely sold on the idea still, but he deflated in the face of Zuko’s support.

“Alright. We’ll stay a few more days,” he agreed quietly.

Aang jumped up joyfully, his arms extended into the air. “Flamey-o, hotman!”

“Hold it!” Zuko growled. Aang immediately grounded himself again, his hands stiff at his sides.

“Just because you were fine this time, doesn’t mean you can make a habit of running off without telling us,” he glared.

“But I didn’t!” Aang protested, eyes wide and pleading. “These guards came over right after you guys left and thought I was playing hooky! Apparently this is a school uniform,” Aang explained, looking down at his clothes.

Katara sighed, smiling. “That sounds like just our luck.” She stood up and held out her hand. “Come on, I’ll help you clean your clothes for tomorrow.” 

“One more thing before you leave,” Zuko said, causing Aang to pause and look at him once more. “Please tell me you didn’t tell them your name was Aang.”

Aang looked a little offended. “Of course not! I said my name was Kuzon.”

A name as dated as the kid Aang had borrowed it from, but a Fire Nation name nonetheless. “Alright. What about the rest of you?”

Katara frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

Zuko scoffed. “No offense, but your names don’t exactly scream ‘Fire Nation.’ Toph, you can probably keep your name and just pass for a colony kid-”

“That’s what I did!” Aang interjected, looking proud of himself.

“-but the rest of us need cover names too.” Especially me, he thought.

“Well, what do you think our names should be?” Katara asked. “I mean, you know more about it than we do.”

Zuko thought for a moment. “You could probably pass for a Nozomi,” he said to her, and she nodded. “Sokka, you can be Soza; close enough that if we slip, we can bluff our way through it.”

“What about you?” Toph asked, leaning back against the boulder she’d propped up behind her. 

“Lee.” A thrill of sorrow shot through his heart, reminding him of the last time he’d used the name. He figured he deserved that. “And Aang? No one has said Flamey-o or Hotman in the last century. In fact, I’m not entirely sure they said it in your century either.”

Aang pouted at him and Katara giggled as she led him out of the cave. Zuko was pretty sure the poor kid was in for the tongue lashing of a lifetime once Katara had him alone.

Zuko sighed and put his head in his hands as soon as they were out of sight. 

Agni, he wasn’t strong enough for this.

“So. Why is Sokka acting like you’re going to kick him if he looks at you?” Toph spoke up. Zuko’s head shot up, but glancing around, he couldn’t see Sokka anywhere.

He sighed again, more forceful this time. He would tell her to mind her own business if he didn’t know she would just beat him for it and ask again. 

“Trouble in paradise?” she teased.

“Don’t,” he replied sharply, and she held her hands up in surrender. “Do you know Suki?” he asked.

Her small wince told him all he needed to know.

“Yeah,” he scoffed. “That was a fun surprise to have sprung on me while I’m half out of my mind worrying about Aang.”

“You know,” she began, sounding a little unsure. “I had a crush on Sokka, too.”

Zuko shot to his feet, his head whipping around. “What?!” He forced his eyes closed and held back a groan. 

“Shut up and listen,” Toph demanded, swinging her feet back to the ground and straightening up.

“What, are you going to tell me that Aang likes him too, now?”

“No dunderhead, now sit down and shut up.” 

Against his better judgement, Zuko did.

“I had to watch those two flirt the whole way across the Serpent’s Pass, so I know how you feel. But you wanna know something else?” she asked, waiting for Zuko to actually nod exasperatedly before continuing. “Sokka was pretty distant with her the whole time. I don’t know why, but I’ve never seen him act like that with you the whole time you’ve been with us. I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” She got to her feet, having apparently said her piece, and began walking further into the cave. “Besides, between Twinkle Toes disappearing every ten seconds and Sugar Queen losing her mind over it, we have enough stress to go around. Don’t add to it where it’s not needed,” she threatened.

With that, she brought a section of the floor up to make a small tent-like structure for herself. She lifted another section up and propped her feet on it as she laid down, and Zuko took that to mean their conversation was now finished.

Zuko sighed yet again and headed for his own bedroll. He knew she’d meant well, but Toph hadn’t seen Sokka's hesitation. If Sokka could honestly tell him that he no longer had any romantic feeling for Suki, Zuko would accept it without a second thought. 

But he didn’t think Sokka could.

How long had they been in Ba Sing Se? He doubted it could have been any longer than a month. So he what? Pined after Suki for a few days, kissed her, and then turned around a couple weeks later and started dating Zuko? Was it just because Suki wasn’t available? Did he even like Zuko in the first place?

He brought his hands over his face again, aware that Toph would hear him if he were to groan.

What was there to like about him anyways? The whole time he’d been with Sokka, it had felt like it was too good to be true. Sokka had been happy, but was that just because he had been reunited with his dad, rather than anything to do with Zuko? 

Zuko, the disgrace. 

Zuko, the outcast. 

Zuko, the grumpy jerk that couldn’t have a nice conversation if his life depended on it.

Zuko, whose own father couldn’t stand the sight of him.

Zuko, whose mother had left him behind.

Zuko, who had left the one decent person in his life behind as he ran like a coward.

No. He didn’t know what Sokka could have possibly seen in him.

Being the stop-gap for a noble warrior and a selfless princess sounded much more likely.

***

The next day passed quietly after Aang left for school. Zuko set out soon after to start collecting clams for lunch from along the shore.

The task reminded him again of summers spent with Lu Ten when Azula was still too little to run around after him. His cousin had known all the tricks to finding the mollusks and they’d spent hours digging down into the wet sand and wading in the shallows looking for them.

As he began shelling his haul, Zuko found himself missing Lu Ten. Not for the first time, he wished his cousin were still alive. He looked down at the detailed knife in his hand; ironically enough, his uncle's gift was the one possession he’d been carrying with him that day in Ba Sing Se. The earthbenders at the palace apparently hadn’t expected a bender to be carrying a weapon and hadn’t searched him, otherwise they probably would’ve found it where it was tucked away carefully among his robes.

Never give up without a fight.

Zuko had lived his life by those words, struggling to follow the advice of an uncle who hadn’t yet known true loss.

Reading them now they just left him feeling empty.

Was it better to fight for Sokka? Or should he just cut his losses now?

Shockingly enough, the clams didn’t have any answers for him, so he grabbed the buckets of meat and took them to Katara for rinsing. She was a lot quicker with it than he or Lu Ten had ever been.

She shooed him away while she cooked it, and he let her, knowing that it wouldn’t take too long; it was meant to be an early supper that Aang could eat with them when he got back. She’d apparently gotten him to agree not to run off after school again today and he should be showing up any time within the next hour.

Sokka called after him when Zuko started to head out of the cave again.

“Can I talk to you?” he asked shyly once he’d jogged over to him.

Zuko’s jaw tensed a little, but he nodded. Sokka followed him as he left this time. Zuko took them to a little hill not far from the cave, but far enough that Toph wouldn't bug them.

He crossed his arms and stared out toward roofs of the village that peaked out occasionally, a splash of red among the brown and gray.

“What did you need?” Zuko asked neutrally. 

The wind whispered through the grass at their feet.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Sokka said quietly. Zuko glanced over at him to see him staring sadly at Zuko. “I didn’t know how I felt about everything and I didn’t think it was fair to dump that on you without figuring it out first.”

“It wasn’t fair to not tell me that you were already in a sort-of relationship when you kissed me for the first time?” Zuko repeated, eyebrow raised. “And every time after that?”

Sokka’s cheeks darkened a little and he rubbed the back of his neck. “I didn’t think about it like that,” he admitted. “I do care about Suki, but I care about you too, Zuko.”

“But do you care about me enough that you would still want to be with me if she were travelling with us? Or did you just pretend so that I would help you with Azula?”

It was a thought that had briefly crossed his mind last night as he tossed and turned. He’d felt ashamed for thinking it immediately after, but it wouldn’t let go of him once it appeared. He didn’t think Sokka would do something as cruel as that, but no one had ever suspected Azula of being as manipulative as she was when she was younger either.

Sokka looked near tears. “No!” he shouted. “I wouldn’t-” he stopped, staring at Zuko with a hurt expression. “Do you really think that’s why I did that?” he whispered.

Zuko turned away again, unable to stand the look in his eyes any longer. “You’re a tactician,” he said instead. “More than anyone, you’ve proven that you know how to use all the resources at your disposal; even the broken ones that no one thinks are worth anything.”

Sokka’s sharp breath let him know that he’d maybe gone too far.

Either that, or he’d hit right on the mark.

He couldn’t tell without looking at Sokka’s face, and he couldn’t bring himself to turn around. He didn’t know if Sokka was reacting with anger or pain or indignation; he heard nothing but the wind.

“Hey Zu- I mean, Lee!” Aang called from behind him. “What are you doing out here?”

Zuko finally turned around. Sokka was nowhere in sight.

“Nothing,” he answered. He swallowed down the shame and sorrow that had made its home at the back of his throat. “Katara is cooking. It should be done soon.”

Aang whooped happily, already running off toward the cave. Even injured, he jumped higher and ran faster than anyone Zuko had ever met.

Zuko sucked in a deep breath, closing his eyes and focusing on the feel of the wind against his face, the smell of the ocean in the air. He hadn’t mediated in three days. He’d gone far longer than that in the past few months.

So why did he feel so much more off balance now than he ever had before?

He sat down in the grass. He’d skip dinner today.

He’d gone far longer without food, too.

And he’d rather be hungry than have to see Sokka right now.

At least hunger was a pain he knew how to deal with.

***

By the time he finally gave up, the sky had begun to take on a purple tint. He shook off the dew that had begun collecting on his shoulders as the temperature lowered with the sun and stood up. He looked around as he entered the cave, not seeing anyone but Appa. He clutched his dagger in his hands as his eyes swept over the area more carefully. The fire was still burning.

“Hello?” he called out quietly, backing up until his back was almost touching the wall.

“Over here,” he heard Toph call out from somewhere behind Appa.

He relaxed a little, the tension sliding off his shoulders. If Toph was calm, the other's probably just left for a run into town or something.

He told himself that it didn’t hurt that no one had said anything to him before they'd left.

Sokka probably wanted to see him as little as Zuko could stomach the thought of seeing Sokka.

“Aang got in trouble with the school’s headmaster,” she informed him as Zuko walked to Appa's other side. She was currently laying down on one of Appa’s legs, her feet planted firmly on the floor of the cave. “Sokka and Katara went with him pretending to be his parents.”

“What?!” he shouted. He’d just started to relax.

“Hey!” she yelled back, frowning. “Don’t yell at me, I’m just the messenger! Twinkle Toes is the one causing all the ruckus.”

Zuko groaned, facepalming. Were their lives this stressful all the time? Or was it just because he was here?

“What in Agni’s name made them think that was a good idea?”

Toph shrugged unhelpfully. 

Zuko blew out a breath, trying to get control of his temper. They would come running in at any moment and they would be leaving; he'd need to gather everything together so they could be ready to go. Zuko didn't think he would particularly miss this town; it had brought him nothing but unpleasant memories.

“Who lit a fire under your pants?” Toph asked as he rushed around, rolling up his bedroll.

“Ha ha,” he mocked sullenly. “Aang, apparently,” he answered. Figured. He couldn’t have at least wait until they'd all slept before booting them out of town.

He’d just finished moving all of their sleeping gear onto Appa’s saddle when footsteps approached the cave.

Zuko renewed his grip on his knife, but Toph did nothing besides continue lounging, so he guessed it was the missing three members of their party.

Sure enough, Aang walked in looking put out. Momo jumped off of his shoulder at the entrance. 

When Sokka followed with a beard glued to his chin and Katara with her hair up in buns looking like she was near the end of a pregnancy, however, Zuko had to shove his head into his bedroll to muffle another groan.

He was way too drained for this.

“That settles it!” Sokka yelled, his voice much deeper than it normally was. “No more school for you, young man!”

“I’m not ready to leave yet,” Aang argued. “I'm having fun for once, just being a normal kid.” The sound of a pebble being kicked echoed softly in the cave. “You don't know what it's like, Sokka. You get to be normal all the time!”

“Ha, ha,” Toph sang gleefully.

Part of Zuko cringed at that. I’m not a bender like the rest of you.

But then again, hadn’t he said worse to Sokka just a few hours ago?

“Listen guys, those kids at school are the future of the Fire Nation,” Aang said earnestly. “If we want to change this place for the better, we need to show them a little taste of freedom.”

“What could you possibly do for a country of depraved little fire monsters?” Sokka protested.

And that wiped away all of the sympathy he’d felt.

“Good to know how you feel,” he shot back irritably, straightening up to glare at Sokka from the saddle.

Sokka’s eyes had widened and he didn’t think the other boy had known that Zuko was there, but that just made it worse.

Is this how he always talks when I’m not in the room?

“I didn’t-” Sokka sad softly, before his expression hardened. “You know what? Maybe I did mean it like that, because that’s what they are.” He turned back to look at Aang, pointing his thumb in the general direction of the town. “All of those kids back there that you’re all buddy buddy with now are going to grow up thinking that this war is a good thing; they’re going to grow up to become soldiers and they’re going to keep conquering innocent towns and cities.”

“That’s exactly why I need to show them otherwise!” Aang yelled, throwing his hands up in the air. “How are they ever going to think any different if no one points that out to them?”

Zuko thought about how much he’d had to see to even begin thinking that maybe his father was wrong. He didn’t have much hope in Aang’s limited influence on them, but if Sokka was going to be so strongly against it, then he would happily help Aang try.

“He raises a good question. Or would you rather just write them all off as expendable resources? An unfortunate cost of war?” he asked coldly. 

But the forty-first is entirely new recruits. How do you expect them to defeat a powerful Earth Kingdom battalion?

I don’t.

Sokka groaned. “You know that’s not what I meant!”

“Then why not at least let him try?”

Sokka’s glare intensified. “Fine.," he muttered darkly. "Aang? What’s your oh so brilliant plan to show them that they’ve been fed false propaganda and prejudice their entire lives?”

Aang smiled. “I’m gonna throw them: a secret dance party!” He tapped his feet a little and threw out his arms to emphasize his point.

Zuko held back his sigh, but only just barely.

“Go to your room!” Sokka yelled in his deepened voice, pointing toward the back of the cave.

Aang glumly obeyed, Toph scoffing and following him. Katara looked uncomfortably between him and Sokka, who was back to glaring at him with his arms crossed. Zuko had subconsciously copied the movement.

“Why don’t I give you two a minute?” she asked weakly, shuffling off to pull the blankets out from where they'd been shoved between her skirts and pants.

He’d been wondering where on earth they could’ve put those.

Toph pointedly sealed off the entrance to their offshoot after Katara joined them.

Zuko huffed, turning away and sliding off of Appa’s back.

“So do you actually think this is a good idea, or are you just siding with Aang to spite me?” Sokka challenged.

“Why can’t it be both,” he muttered. 

“Zuko, be serious!” Sokka cried.

“Oh, I need to be serious?” Zuko replied disbelievingly. “This coming from you?”

Sokka flinched a little, but didn’t give any ground. “The best possible outcome of this is that those kids have a fun little night and then we disappear from their lives forever,” he pointed out. “The worst? Well, there’s a lot more ‘worst case scenarios’ than there are good.”

“What, you think they can’t change? That they’re destined to become cogs in a war machine just because they were never taught anything different, and even if they were, it wouldn’t matter? They’re always going to be depraved little fire monsters?”  

“I didn’t-” Sokka yelled again, cutting himself off with a growl. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t thinking before I spoke, okay? Is that what you want to hear?”

“Again: good to know what you actually think," Zuko spat out, his eyes narrowing. "Is this how you’ve always talked when I’m not around? Well, sorry for forcing you to censor yourself for so long, and around the men from your tribe, no less. I’m sure you wished you could’ve joined in more before we left.”

“Well have you stopped to think that maybe we have a good reason for thinking like that for so long?” Sokka fumed. “News flash, the Fire Nation is bad. You and your uncle realizing that doesn’t make up for the fact that nobody else in your country has!”

Zuko bristled, both at the mention of his uncle and the insult to his people. “It’s not their fault that they’ve had ruler after ruler pushing them to fight!”

“It doesn’t change the fact that your people have hurt so many others! You know the South Pole used to look a whole lot like the North? That we used to have just as many benders instead of just my sister? I’ll give you three guesses on what happened in the last hundred years or so to change that,” Sokka mocked angrily, his hands clenched into fists at his side.

“So I guess you plan on just getting rid of us all after the war is over, then, if we’re so irredeemable?” Zuko shot back, not letting the shame he felt at Sokka’s words show on his face.

“No, because unlike your grandparents, I know that genocide is bad!” Sokka’s hands were shaking now and his eyes were glistening. “You didn’t have to see Aang when he visited the air temples again. You didn’t have to see the way he sobbed over his guardian’s century old skeleton! You didn’t have to watch as he nearly killed us all because of how much it hurt to know that everyone he loved was dead!”

The words rang off the walls around them. So did Sokka’s stuttering breath as tears streamed down his cheeks. They collected in his beard and Sokka ripped it off, scrubbing his shaking arm over his face as he sniffed.

“So sorry if I’m a little skeptical about your people turning out as the good guys,” he said, his voice a little hoarse.

Zuko knew Aang was right about the kids being the future; any real change would have to come through them. So why did he feel like he was the bad guy for defending them?

Zuko blinked away his own tears before they could fall. “You should be angrier at me for that than them,” he replied quietly. “They had nothing to do with it.”

And if I can change, why can’t they? he didn’t say. He wasn’t so sure anymore that Sokka wouldn’t just laugh at him if he did.

Sokka just deflated. “I should,” he whispered. “I should be so furious with you. For everything.” Zuko thought back to what he’d said just a few hours before, without even the courtesy of looking Sokka in the eye as he did. “Unfortunately for me, I care about you.”

Unfortunately. It was unfortunate; Zuko didn’t know how to do anything but hurt the people that loved him.

That was the problem with trusting someone. You let your guard down around them which meant that they knew exactly where to aim their punches to make it hurt.

It only made him feel worse that this time, he was the one punching just as much as he was getting punched.

His sister would be so proud that he’d been paying attention.

“I’ll go along with this for Aang. Not because I think it’ll actually change anything.”

With that, Sokka left the cave again. 

Zuko was pretty sure the moon must have risen by now.

***

“I still can't believe we're having a dance party,” he heard Sokka say from the front of the cave. He’d come back in not long ago after Toph started earthbending to get the cave ready for the party Aang had apparently already planned for that same night. Zuko wasn't sure why he was so surprised that Aang hadn't thought to run his idea by them before inviting the entire student body over. 

All traces of their conversation were now gone from Sokka’s voice and he’d put the beard back on at some point. “It seems so… silly.”

“Don't think of it as a dance party, but as a cultural event celebrating the art of fancy footwork!” Aang replied, showing off his own fancy footwork as an example. He’d been almost gliding through the air the entire time since he’d gotten the go ahead for his party, his feet barely touching the ground as he jumped around the cave. Zuko wished that his energy was as infectious as it always seemed, but Zuko could barely do more than not frown as he lit the dozens and dozens of candles they’d scattered around the outer edges.

He’d asked Aang if he would help him since there were so many, but the airbender had turned shy and mumbled something about needing to help Toph before running off, leaving Zuko to do it himself. That was the only time he’d see Aang be anything less than full steam ahead in over an hour.

“They’re coming!” Toph suddenly shouted, pointing toward the entrance. “Everybody stop bending.”

Aang rushed over to Appa, trying to push his bison out of the back exit Toph had created earlier with pacifications about him missing out on the dancing. Zuko was pretty sure Appa would be just as happy to have a quiet night to himself without any yelling or sudden flying.

Once Appa was out of sight, Aang ran forward to begin greeting the kids that were now walking in and staring around in awe. They were all carrying what looked like instrument cases with them.

“You guys can set up right over here!” Aang told them enthusiastically. He gestured toward the rock podiums Toph had just finished raising toward the back.

The kids all spoke in whispered hushes, but Zuko caught more than one, “Wow.”

Zuko found a spot along the wall that didn’t have candles on it and took a seat, listening with more than one wince as they tuned their instruments. It just brought back memories of his mom and uncle taking him to a tsungi horn tutor as a child and how he’d been the opposite of gifted when he’d first started.

Eventually, they were all warmed up and whispered amongst themselves before starting to play a song. It didn't sounds nearly as bad as Zuko had been fearing. By that point, even more kids had wandered in, thanks to Katara’s directing at the mouth of the cave.

Aang hopped in front of the band like he was a performer and announced dramatically, “Ladies and gentlemen: the Flamey-O's!” He crossed his arms proudly and turned around to face the room at large. His smile dropped a little when he saw that nobody was moving. They all looked scared and a little worried, if Zuko was being honest.

“Now what do we do?” one of them asked softly.

“This is when you start dancing!” Aang proclaimed, his arms thrown out expectantly.

Another one of the kids seemed to shrink into the collar of his uniform. “I don't think my parents want me dancing in a cave…” 

“Yeah!” yet another added, his voice breaking nervously. “What if someone finds out?”

Zuko had known that there was a decent chance this would end disappointingly, but he still felt a little bad when Aang seemed to slouch a little, looking dejected.

“Oh boy,” he heard Aang mutter as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen guys, dancing isn't something you think about. It's a form of self-expression that no one can ever take away from you.” 

Zuko wondered if that’s what life was like for the monks before Sozin had wiped them out; if that’s why Aang was so passionate about this.

The first kid moved forward, seeming to be the speaker for the group once more. “Maybe it was different in the colonies, Kuzon, but we don't do that here.”

“Sure you do! You have for generations!” Aang exclaimed. He then turned to look at Zuko. “Come on, back me up on this Zu-”

Zuko’s heart felt like it had frozen in his chest as his eyes widened. What in Agni’s name did Aang think he was doing? He had told him not one day ago that he couldn’t use his real name!

Aang’s eyes widened too and Zuko knew he’d recognized his mistake. “-Lee,” he finished with barely a pause. Aang turned back to the group in front of him. “This is, uh, my big brother, Zu-Lee! But we just call him Lee,” he rushed to explain, before turning back to Zuko again. “He was named after our grandpa. He’s the one that taught us all the classic Fire Nation dances from a century ago, right Lee?”

Zuko honestly had no idea what dances Aang was talking about, but it looked like no one had caught Aang’s slip so he tried to relax a little. “Why don’t you show them?” Zuko prompted sullenly. He wasn’t about to make a fool of himself just because Aang decided to put him on the spot.

Aang smiled again and turned around, moving low to the ground. “A hundred years ago, this was known as the 'Phoenix Flight'.”

“And, this was the 'Camelephant Strut'!” Aang jumped from side to side before tucking into a roll and popping up right in front of some of the students. The girls he’d come face to face with giggled and blushed as Aang flipped back and landed on his feet with a grace that Zuko had never seen in anyone but Ty Lee.

Aang continued flipping around and showing them different dancing styles until everyone was at least tapping their feet a little. Zuko lost sight of his friends in the suddenly moving mass and sighed, letting his head rest back against the wall.

“This is Lee!” Aang called out from close by, and Zuko straightened up again. Aang was holding the wrist of the first kid who had spoken and was currently pulling him over toward Zuko. The other boy looked a little flustered but followed easily.

“Lee, this is Shoji!” Aang introduced once they’d stopped in front of him. “He’s the one that invited me to play hide and explode yesterday!”

Shoji smiled shyly and bowed to him, so Zuko bowed back. It had been a long time since anyone had shown him this level of respect and deference, but he supposed that he was still technically this kid’s elder.

As they both straightened up, Zuko got his first good look at Shoji. His skin was a deep golden color, rather than the pale tone Zuko had grown up around deep within the capital. It wasn’t the gold of a tan from time in the sun either, but rather seemed like it was his natural skin tone. His hair, in contrast, was a far lighter brown than was typically seen on the islands closer to the one housing Royal Caldera City.

That could all be easily ignored, though. It was his eyes that truly did him in.

They were a deep olive green. Like Aang’s, they could pass for brown from a distance, but up close, Zuko could see that they were far closer to hazel.

He’d been the one that sounded defensive about how things were done in the colonies versus how they were done on the mainland. He’d also taken the initiative to include the supposed ‘colony kid’ on his first day.

Zuko would guess that either he or at least one of his parents had been born in the colonies before moving back.

Of all the people here, Shoji was the one most likely to know what life was like for villages in the Earth Kingdom. He could have seen or been told of the difference between what the Fire Nation told its people about their enemies and what they were actually like.

If there were more kids like Shoji at this school, so far out among the islands, Aang’s little dance plan might actually have a chance of working.

“Thank you for including him,” Zuko said quietly. 

Shoji smiled kindly. “He was really good at it!” he praised, causing Aang to smile proudly. Shoji’s eyes flicked briefly to Zuko’s scar, but he didn’t linger or say anything about it.

Another point toward having been born in the colonies; people in the Earth Kingdom were far more used to seeing burn scars adorning people’s skin.

“Don’t let me keep you,” Zuko said, crossing his arms. “Despite what Kuzon says, I’m not much for dancing.”

“Please?” Aang begged, his eyes going wide and pleading. Shoji seemed shier about it, but he also looked at Zuko with hope in his eyes.

Zuko just raised an unimpressed eyebrow.

Aang huffed, dropping the cute act defeatedly before smiling and pulling Shoji away again. Zuko’s lips were turned up as he watched them leave, Aang letting go of Shoji in the crowd and heading straight for Katara instead.

Most of the crowd was now repeating the shuffle Aang had claimed was from Ba Sing Se. Zuko hadn’t had, or even wanted, the chance to see the ballrooms of the city while he was there, so it wouldn’t surprise him if Aang hadn't been entirely honest about the move’s origins, but he couldn’t say for sure either way. He had no way of knowing if Aang had actually showed them dances from Ba Sing Se and the Fire Nation.

That was something that had been bothering him for a while now. Aang had called this a cultural event, blabbered on about showing these kids a part of their heritage that they had apparently lost. Had his people truly lost a part of their culture?

Uncle had often talked about the importance of music while they were at sea. He’d instituted a music night weekly to keep morale up and often attempted to convince him to join in, but Zuko had been too wrapped up in his bitterness to take him up on the offer. Uncle had also been prone to humming a lot in their Ba Sing Se apartment, and he could faintly remember his mother singing gentle lullabies for him when he had been young.

Music had been a key part of his life, even if he hadn’t appreciated it, but he couldn’t remember a single time he’d seen anyone dance around him. It had happened once or twice in the streets of the Earth Kingdom, and the man that had forced Uncle to dance for his coin during those first few days on the run still made his blood boil when he thought about it, but Zuko had never seen anything like what Aang described.

Had his people really enjoyed dance moves like the Phoenix Flight a century ago, before they’d fallen into war? Was dancing something that was shared between all of the nations, or was it just an Aang thing that he’d taken with him when he traveled the world? Was the reason Zuko had never seen much dancing because it was strictly an Air Nomad custom that had been lost along with Aang’s people?

Everyone he loved was dead, Sokka had shouted at him. The Air Nomads had always seemed like such a foreign concept to Zuko, not living breathing people that had actually had loved ones, just like him. He’d felt a little uncomfortable whenever they were clinically discussed in his lessons, but it had never truly seemed like a reality to him. Even seeing the empty Air Temples in person a few years ago, they hadn't seemed like the kind of place where people had lived.

Watching Aang dance now in the center of the room with Katara, he remembered something Uncle had told him once. He had seemed so sad while visiting home during his siege on Ba Sing Se, not long before he'd lost his son, and Zuko had asked him why he hadn't wanted to play to cheer himself up. “Fun is the first thing to die in a war,” he’d smiled bitterly, ruffling Zuko’s hair and urging him to go get ready for bed instead, immediately dismissing his words as nothing Zuko would have to worry about yet for years to come. Those years had been shorter than he thought his uncle had expected.

From what Sokka had told him, Aang had always been the one pushing them to make stops at meaningless places just because they had a cool animal or another interesting attraction. He had been so adamant about staying here just one or two more days, grinning when he got to play with others his age instead of worrying about an upcoming battle that would put the fate of the world squarely on his shoulders.

Fun was the first thing to die in war. 

Just like Aang’s culture had been.

And Zuko's own culture, apparently. He would guess that the last time anyone had whirled through a ‘traditional dance’ in his nation had been before Aang was born.

In those first few months chasing after him, he’d wonder why the Avatar was taking such a winding journey north rather than heading straight there and leaving Zuko in the dust. Much as he hated to admit it back then, he knew the only reason he’d been able to keep up with them was because of those pit stops. He’d thought that Aang was just trying to throw him off his trail by not taking a logical path, had congratulated himself for being able to track them regardless, but now he wondered if that had just been Aang desperately clinging to the last vestiges of his people’s way of life. 

Moving like the wind, sometimes lingering in one spot, but never taking root; always on the move, always having more to see, more to experience.

In front of him now, Aang caught Katara and lowered her into a dip, both of them smiling at each other and panting from the exertion. 

They refused to form any attachments, his tutors had spat. If that had been true of the Air Nomads at large, it certainly wasn’t for Aang. 

You didn’t have to see the way he sobbed over his guardian.

Zuko remembered the way he’d broken down over Uncle’s prone form after Azula attacked him, when he’d thought he’d lost the one person that truly cared for him.

Maybe the Air Nomads hadn’t had families in the way that was understood by the rest of the nations, but that didn’t mean they didn’t love just as strongly.

Zuko watched Aang vacantly, wondering where he found the energy to keep smiling; to keep loving. 

While Zuko sat lost in thought, all of the kids suddenly stopped dancing.

“He's the one we want!” an unfamiliar voice called. “The boy with the headband!”

The music stopped and Zuko shot to his feet immediately, moving closer to the crowd and crouching down a little so that he wouldn’t stand out as much. A man stood with several guards and what looked like another student at the entrance to the cave. The guards ran into the group of kids and suddenly Aang was right next to Zuko. 

“Time to leave!” he whispered urgently.

“Looking for me?” he heard Shoji ask sweetly from somewhere in the crowd.

“That's not the one,” the man said irritably. “He's here somewhere. Don't let him leave the cave!”

As Sokka, Katara, and Toph appeared from out of the group of students, they all sneaked as quietly as they could toward the exit Aang had shoved Appa through earlier. Looked like he wouldn’t be getting a quiet night without flying them away from trouble after all.

A chorus of high pitched voices kept calling out short greetings and questions, and when Zuko glanced back, he saw that all of the students now had their sashes tied around their heads like Aang wore his and they had encircled the adults, drawing their attention fully.

Sokka and Toph sprinted ahead to get Appa ready, and Zuko couldn’t help but be thankful he’d already packed their things away, but he held back with Katara as Aang lagged behind them.

He felt a flash of impatience as Aang stopped and turned around again.

Shoji also turned around from where he stood at the back of the kids. He smiled at Aang and shot him a wink.

Aang bowed to him respectfully, a smile on his face as he turned back to Zuko and ran to the spot Katara had just vacated. She’d begun chasing after Sokka and Toph the second Aang had turned around.

Zuko was just about to follow her lead now that Aang was fully in the tunnel with them when Aang skidded to a brief stop, stone slamming closed behind them as the airbender slid one of his feet out in a move he knew Toph had taught him.

Kuzon was a colony kid from the Earth Kingdom. It wasn’t too much of a stretch for Shoji to believe that he was an earthbender, that one of his parents had passed it down to him and that’s why he was so odd. Shoji could have even seen things like that himself, or heard about them from his parents. There was a decent chance he wouldn’t rat Aang out after covering their escape, despite the shock that had been clear on his face for the split second Zuko had been able to see it.

Agni, Zuko was just glad Aang hadn’t used water or air instead.

Zuko and Aang ran to the exit, everyone else already seated in Appa’s saddle. Aang took a running leap to join them and left Zuko to climb up like a normal person.

As soon as he threw himself over the edge and fully into the saddle, Aang called out “Appa, yip yip!” and they were airborne once more.

Katara looked behind them before sighing lightly and turning back toward them, a smile on her face. “We're safe Sokka, you can take off the mustache now,” she teased. 

“Oh, no I can’t,” Sokka objected, back to his falsely pretentious voice. He turned away and began stroking the beard. “It's permanently glued to my skin.” Momo’s tail curled around Sokka’s now raised elbow from where the lemur sat perched on the front of the saddle.

“Way to go, dancy pants.,” Toph interjected happily. “I think you really did help those kids; you taught them to be free.”

That was a lesson she and Zuko had both had to learn recently. He felt the same pride for Aang that shone freely in her expression.

“I don't know,” Aang disagreed bashfully, rubbing the back of his head once again as he grinned. “It was just a dance party, that's all.”

“Well, that was some dance party Aang,” Katara said warmly. She crawled forward and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, causing him to blush and smile shyly. 

Zuko was happy for him. Someone deserved to have a good night.

“Flamey-o sir,” Sokka clapped solemnly. “Flamey-o.”

Zuko smiled briefly at Aang when their eyes met, but he then turned away to look out at the clouds surrounding him. Sokka seemed less upset about the dance party now, and was even congratulating Aang for how well it went (by their standards, at least), but he couldn’t get over the multitude of arguments they’d had in the past day. Sokka hadn’t said anything about their relationship, but he didn’t know if the other boy would even be able to stand to see him come the morning. 

They’d both said a lot of things that they maybe shouldn’t have, but Zuko knew that it had mostly been him. He was jealous, he could admit that to himself, and he’d said things that he knew would hurt Sokka, invited every single argument and mutual avoidance they’d had between them over the course of the day; he was a horrible boyfriend and Sokka deserved better than him, even if  \just thinking that made Zuko feel like he was going to cry. He knew he wouldn’t blame Sokka if he wanted to end things between them.

He still hadn’t been able to figure out why Sokka had started things between them in the first place anyway.