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I've been in my head a lot lately, especially this past week or so. I know he hates that, he's been so open with me since we've gotten together. I admire him for that. It's all new for him and he is working through it all the time. Well I take that back, it's not completely new. We messed around a bit in Japan a few years back, but those were a night here or there not a full relationship like it is now. It's been nearly a month now and he's been nothing but honest with me about his feelings.
I can't help but look at him sometimes when he's not paying attention, like now. He's over there at the table in this suite we've been sharing since all the virus shit has disrupted everyone's life. He's so engrossed in editing another episode of BTE. He really enjoys doing that; it seems to relax him sometimes. He really does get anxious about things, aside from our time together and wrestling, that seems to be a happy place for him. Sometimes I end up staring too long and get caught. He's so beautiful though, that little smile, light tinge of blush when he catches me is so adorable.
I don't know why I can't say things to him sometimes. I wish I could be like him in that way. Even with Ibushi it took me awhile to be more open with him. To be fair that was my first full relationship with a guy, but this is his and he has been open from the start. There are things I want to say, so many things.
I'm truly surprised they don't slip out during or after we have sex. The feelings are so intense when we're together like that. I look down at him and I swear my eyes are spilling every little detail that won't pass my lips. Some nights after he falls asleep I just lay there looking at him. Those pretty blond curls framing his face. I love how he doesn't realize how pretty he is. It's almost like he won't allow himself to think that way. I mean he has to know how good he looks by the sheer number of fangirls and even some boys eye him up. Christ, he got me, Kenny fucking Omega, thinking about him when I barely knew him. I don't fall for people that easily, but I have a penchant for getting obsessed. I was that way with Ibushi when I wasn't even in the same room, hell, the same country for god sakes.
When we first messed around in Japan I was pretty focused on getting the IWGP Heavyweight belt. So our little nights of fun were just that, fun. It kind of stopped when Ibushi came back around for the Golden Lovers return and the story lines that followed. Even though he and I weren't in a relationship anymore I could tell it made Adam feel awkward. When we got a minute to talk when Ibushi wasn't around he told me as much. I completely understood how he was feeling; it was kind of weird for me as well.
In the middle of all that we had a match against each other. I'll never forget that night. With everything going on it made that match kind of intense for both of us. After the show we hooked up again. We may have got some pent up emotions out during that match, but I swear I lost count how many times we fucked that night. We were so fucking hot for it I'm surprised we made it to the room. After that night we didn't really get together that much.
Fast forward to AEW and things really started to change, especially with us tagging together. I knew the chemistry was there, and not just because we were basically a couple at that point, we've always been good in the ring. It's kind of funny looking back how during BTE skits Adam would slip and call me babe and no one thought anything of it. He does kind of just talk like that, but it always made me smile internally. We always had fun doing BTE stuff, but when it started centering around our storyline it was even better. I'm honestly a little sad that the virus took away the story of Adam turning on me. We could have had so much fun with that. I can only imagine the nights we would have after matches in our feud. If Japan was any indication we'd wear ourselves out. If the idea does come back around I am looking forward to it in more ways than one.
I am so ridiculously happy right now though. You'd think spending every minute with him because of this pandemic we would be sick of each other, but that couldn't be further from the truth. It's really an entire new experience for the both of us. It's like living together without actually living together. I mean we went grocery shopping together, giving each other shit for every snack we'd put into the cart. Seriously, what are our lives right now? With this deluxe suite we have even been cooking for each other. Adam's so cute with that, he doesn't know how to cook much so the first thing he made for me was macaroni and cheese, and it was delicious too.
I am so in love with him. Actually, I think I really love him. I can say these things in my own head but why in hell won't it come out. He actually told me he was in love with me the other day. I couldn't even respond properly. What the fuck is wrong with me? He puts almost every thought he has out there. I'm the one that's been in a relationship like this before, but I fucking clam up. It's stupid for me to be afraid of what might happen because he already said it. It's not going to scare him off.
It's really weighing on me right now. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he said he needs to head home for a few days. I understand that, he should check on his place, make sure his bills are paid and all that. He hasn't even left yet and I already miss him, that's how I know for certain I am in deep. He's sitting over there right in front of me and I miss him. I really need to tell him. I need to say it before he leaves. Why am I acting like he's not going to come back? He has to for our next show. Just fucking do it Kenny. You aren't going to lose anything.
I slide off the bed and walk over, sliding my arms down his chest. "Adam."
He pauses then, turning to look back at me, "Yeah."
"I love you."
His smile melts me instantly. His eyes tell me how long he's been waiting to hear that. "I love you too." He slides a hand up into my hair and pulls me down for a kiss.
"Took you long enough." He says with a small laugh.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"It's ok babe. I wasn't gonna make you say it I just wanted everything to be honest from me. So when I first felt it I had to let it out."
God I fucking love him.
"I admire you for that. I wish I was like that, I never have been."
He turned to fully face me then. "I know, but you know I fell in love with that quiet, mysterious bastard."
I laugh softly, "You sure did." I kiss him softly again, "Sorry I interrupted your work."
It was his turn to laugh, "You can interrupt me with that anytime."
I smile and plant a kiss on his forehead. "You better finish that before Nick starts calling."
"Yeah." He says turning back to the laptop. "I am almost done."
"I'll make something to eat." I reply heading over to the little kitchenette.
"Good, I'm starving."
I can't stop smiling. It felt so good to finally say it. I really do love this, love him, so much.