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Loghain knelt, bowing his head. It was done. He had only to wait a moment and he would be with them all again. Celie, Maric...Rowan. His duty was done. He had tried.
He flinched slightly as he heard someone step towards him and he tried to keep calm. A moment. Only a moment, then it would be over.
But as the argument began, he could not help but look back up again. He saw the little Warden, the elven woman he remembered from Ostagar, and the hulking brute of Alistair arguing. He could not help but laugh. Would this prattle be the last thing he ever heard? Two children arguing over an old man's life?
He could not help but shake his head. It was not hard to see Maric in him now. Maric believed in right and wrong. He wouldn't hesitate to kill a traitor, even a former hero. But this girl...now this girl saw some value in him still. He found that oddly endearing, even if it was incredibly naive.
He heard the sword thrown across the room and he shook slightly, letting himself look up at her.
Alistair stood, his fist closing as she glared at him. She held him to her, letting him rest his face in her hair. He could not hear what she said to him, but he grew calmer, nodding quietly before holding her at arm's length.
He whispered something to her before addressing the Landsmeet, "The Grey Wardens will accept Teryn Loghain into its ranks in exchange for his life. He will take my position and in return...I will step down. As of now...I accept the role as King, with Anora beside me as Queen. It's..."
He looked over at the elf who smiled at him wearily, nodding quietly.
"It's the best for everyone," he said softer, "Perhaps he can atone for what he has done to our Order...to us all."
*
Loghain woke with a gasp, hearing the Archdemon cry. He panted, seeing Riordan and Tabris standing over him in curiosity.
"I would not have guessed he'd live," Tabris said in amusement, "I've seen men half his age taken down by the Joining. I guess we're stuck with him now."
"Indeed," Riordan said, "Here, brother, let me help you to your feet."
Loghain practically hissed, "I am no brother of yours, Orleasian. I will do my duty for my country, but I am not one of yours."
He glared at Tabris and said, "You've lost your wager, Warden. Do you trust me to not to kill you?"
She crossed her arms, "You haven't been successful yet and now I have your assassin working for me. I think I'll manage."
"If he is ready to travel," Riordan said, "You two should go to Soldier's Peak. There is much we can learn there. You have avoided it long enough."
"It's miles away," Tabris argued, "We should stay here, we need to keep the King safe."
"Alistair will be safe," Riordan promised, "I will stay in the city, in case the Archdemon arrives. But we need resources. There are only three of us in this country, four if we include the King. We need every edge we can. You will not be gone long and we will have time to fortify the city."
"I almost get the feeling you're throwing me out," Tabris said.
Riordan paused and said, "Few are happy with the decision of the Landsmeet. I have concerns for the safety of you both. In a week, things will have settled down."
"Fine," she grumbled, "Get up, old man. You have any winter clothing?"
"Certainly," he climbed to his feet, "Though perhaps we should invest in getting you some stilts so I do not lose you in the snow."
Tabris moved towards him, but Riordan held her back.
"You are brother and sister now," Riordan reminded, "You must try to be kind to each other."
"Alistair is my brother," Tabris frowned, "I trust that man with my life, I would die for him. I don't trust this bastard more than I can throw him."
"I imagine that would not be far," Loghain smiled darkly.
She rolled her eyes as she left, grumbling, "You'd be surprised, shem."
oOo
Loghain's stomach growled with hunger after the third hour of the hike. He tried to ignore it, walking forth with a scowl. He hadn't felt this hungry in years, not since he was a teenager.
His stomach groaned again and Tabris stopped, grabbing an apple from her bag and tossing it to him.
"I couldn't go an hour without snacking after my Joining," she commented, "I've got some jerky near the bottom of my bag, just let me know when you need it."
"Thank you," he said in confusion.
"Can't have you starve to death," she commented, turning back towards the mountain, "It's not a very poetic way to die."
He found himself chuckling, "Do you have my death planned out, Warden?"
"I figure it should be fighting a darkspawn at least," she replied, "Anything else just doesn't seem fair."
She climbed ahead, making her way over a rather large rock. Loghain paused, glancing over her legs.
"Something you like, old man?" Tabris called out.
"Where did you get those boots?" He asked.
Tabris hesitated and said, "My mother. She made them. Why?"
"On the heels," he said, "You've got two crescent moons, facing away from each other. We used that symbol in the Night Elves....what's your mother's name?"
"Adaia," she replied quietly.
Loghain smiled in remembrance, "She was always better with a blade than a bow, but she was a good scrapper. I see the resemblance a little. Tell me, how is she?"
"Well, she's dead. Some noble bastards looking for a good time killed her," Tabris stated harshly, "My father also nearly died when you decided to sell my kinfolk into slavery. Then my cousin nearly died when your man Vaughn crashed into the Alienage looking for a little action himself-"
"I'm sorry-"
She whipped around, her lip trembling as she said, "No. You don't get to say you're sorry. Maybe you were a good man once, maybe you and Mum were chums fighting the Orleasians together. But you left my kind to die. I know men like you, Loghain. You take what you want without a thought of anyone else, of anything else-"
He flinched before interrupting, "And you? You have made every moral choice in the world? I have done what needs to be done."
"Sometimes the ends don't justify the means," Tabris said, "And if you had a scrap of honour, maybe you would realize that."
There was only the sound of the wind as they stood glaring at each other, Tabris still above him on the rock.
"I never claimed to be an honourable man," he said quietly.
"It's a pity then," she said, shaking her head, "They used to tell stories about you in the Alienage. They used to call you a good man. One of us, a poor peasant, someone who fought with us, bled with us, and they made you a Lord, the father of the Queen. But you were just the same as them...you were worse."
"I don't need lectures from a little girl," he said gruffly, pushing past her, "I was protecting this country before you were even born. You were fool enough to believe those stories, then that is your own undoing. The entire country's fate was decided by two foolish children, and to think, I thought you the wiser of the two."
"Alistair was a better man than you," she accused, chasing after him, "He's twice the man you've ever been."
"Yes, the bumbling cheese-sniffing simpleton," Loghain grumbled, "Clearly, the best choice to be running a country. I'm sure you too scoured the countryside doing great deeds and braiding each other's hair."
Tabris yelled, "I chose you over him. I chose you because I...because I believed that no one could truly be so selfish, so evil. I thought that maybe, somewhere in there, there was a man who was willing to do what was right. I lost my brother, my friend. He may never trust me again. And maybe he was right. Maybe I should have just let him kill you."
"It would have spared us this conversation," Loghain said quietly, "Come, Warden. We have much more to trek before nightfall. I grow tired of this."
oOo
He played her words over and over in his mind as he tried to sleep. Despite wanting to completely ignore her, he could not push it aside. He had long worked among the nobility; he had learned how to push aside his conscious, to do what had to be done. He had once had mercy, he thought quietly. He had once believed that good would always succeed, would always be rewarded. He had believed in friendship, in love.
When Rowan had left him-when he had given her up-he had never let himself grow close to another. Maric and her had both turned their backs on him. The two he loved most in the world acted as if he was a ghost. He had loved his wife, but it was not an intense love, but merely affectionate acquaintances, passing in and out of each other's worlds....he loved Anora. They had grown apart as she had grown older, but he loved her, even now. But he saw it in her too, even when she was little. She wanted more. She was even willing to trade her father in order to keep her crown.
Yet the Warden...this girl...he had seen her and Maric's bastard together. There was not an ounce of romance or lust between them, but there was a deep love. There was trust. He had trusted her as she pushed him in with the lions. She had trusted him, she still trusted him.
He admired that, even if he thought it was naive. Surely she did not think Alistair would always be loyal to her. One day, she would no longer fight for him. A man could only rely on himself in this world; a man was required to make sacrifices. Those who forgot that merely got themselves killed.
He looked over at her sleeping beside him in her bedding, as far from him as she could in the small tent. She looked stern, concentrated, as if she was plotting even in the Fade. He could not help but chuckle.
She was young yet, he thought to himself as he closed his eyes. The world would break her yet. Perhaps she was strong enough to handle it.
oOo
She was oddly quiet when they left Levi's side. Loghain walked behind her without speaking until they had left the summit of the mountain.
"Not every Grey Warden is as honourable as you," he commented quietly.
"You must be so pleased with yourself that you finally have proof of how treasonous we all are," she muttered.
"That is not what I meant-"
"Then what do you want to say, Loghain?"
She stood, bundled against the cold of the mountain, her eyes soft, almost vulnerable.
He said quietly, "Nothing. I meant nothing at all."
oOoOo
The wind howled as they made their way down the mountain, the snow nearly blinding them as they walked forward.
"We should make camp," she shouted over the storm, "We're only going to get lost."
He nodded, pointing towards a forested area. She followed, using his body as a shield against the wind. They barely set up the tent before the storm grew worse, crawling inside together.
Loghain started taking off his clothes as she stared at him.
"They're wet," he said, "You should get yours off too. Then get under the blankets. You need to keep warm and dry. I'll turn the other way until you are undressed."
He turned, finishing taking off his winter clothes until he was left in only his undershirt and small clothes. He heard her lying down and he followed suite, lying in his bedroll beside her.
She pulled closer to him, shivering.
He hesitated before saying, "If you lay in mine with me, you will be warmer."
To his surprise, she did not protest and climbed in with him, offering a flash of her near naked form. She lay by his side, their bodies brushing against each other. He felt a flush of embarrassment as he felt his body grow aroused and he felt her hands press against his chest.
"That's normal too," she chuckled quietly, "I used to catch Alistair jerking off constantly. I haven't been much better myself."
Their eyes met as the storm howled around them. He felt his heart racing as her hands ran lower, brushing against his growing cock. He groaned, her hand grasping him, stroking him slowly.
He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her deeply. His hand trembled as it trembled down her body, resting on her hip.
"Touch me," she ordered quietly.
His fingers shifted down to her sex, finding her wet and willing. He touched her lightly, stroking her lips before entering her. She gasped, kissing him as she rocked her body against his. He thrust his fingers inside of her as she gripped him harder, pumping quickly.
"Please," she murmured, holding him to her.
He pushed her down onto the ground, holding her to him as her hands went in his hair. She kissed him as he entered her slowly, moving as much as he could beneath the bedroll.
He hesitated and she growled, "For the Maker's sake, I'm not made of glass."
He groaned, thrusting deeper, harder. She pressed her body into his, straddling him with her legs. He kissed her as she touched herself between them, her hand pressed against his stomach as she jerked. He flipped her over on her stomach, opening the bedroll slightly before pushing back into her, gripping her breasts desperately, feeling her heartbeat under his touch, hearing her groan into his ear as he kissed down her neck.
She shook around him, her body pulsing, her breath short. He pounded harder, wantonly, hearing her cry out, hearing her cry his name. At the sound of her voice, he felt himself come undone, burying himself inside of her as he came, his legs shaking.
She pulled away from him, her body resting against his as she curled onto her side. He held her to him, kissing her neck.
She chuckled and murmured, "You don't have to do that. It's okay. We should get some sleep, it's a long hike still back to Denerim."
He heard her breathing slow as she nestled into him.
He looked over at her, his heart slowing. He knew the woman barely liked him at best. She was being polite, but she had taken what she needed from him. She did not need affection; she needed release.
He could respect that, but he had never been the kind to seek it. He had only been to bed with a few women in his life, and all...
All he had been in love with.
He held his breath as he processed this. It was what he had wanted to say on the mountain; it was what he wanted to comfort her with. That she was brave, she was kind, and that she was worth following into hell itself. That he was falling in love with her.
He knew she didn't feel the same. How could she?
But this. This felt right. He hadn't been with someone in years that made him feel the way she did. And who knew what tomorrow would bring? They were facing their last days. Was it so wrong when he could please her? If this was the only way she would have him, then he could justify this to himself.
In the morning, she would wake him up by crawling on top of him and demanding satisfaction. He was more than happy to oblige.
oOo
When they arrived back in Denerim, she once again surprised him by coming to his bed. They did not speak of it around others. She did not whisper anything affections in the dark, just the grunts of satisfaction and occasional caresses. In the two weeks that they remained in the city, she spent her nights in his bed and he strived to please her. He didn't know what made her choose him over any other partner, but he found himself flattered, even if he wished for more.
The news came for them to go to Redcliffe and they moved out, the remainder of her party following the King and Queen to the West.
It was nearly a week before they arrived and after fighting their way to the castle, it was clear that they had made a mistake. The darkspawn were moving quickly, the Archdemon was in Denerim.
Tabris wanted to leave right away, but the Nobles decided to move their forces in the morning. Another few hours would not make a difference now and no one was ready.
It was then that Riordan pulled them to the side. When he finished telling them what was to occur, they left the room in near silence.
He reached out to her, but she pulled away.
"I need time to think," she said quietly, "Please...just give me some time to think."
He left her side, going into his room alone. He sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands as he waited for her. He knew, he had always known that he wasn't going to survive this Blight. And now...now he knew how it would happen. He couldn't let her go through with this. Not now, not after everything...
His train of thought stopped when she entered the room. He rose to meet her as she started to speak.
"There's something I need you to do," she murmured.
"I know," he replied, taking her hand, "I will take the final blow."
"No," she said, "I mean, yes, but...but Loghain, you don't have to die. Morrigan, she has a solution. A ritual, I don't understand much of it, but you need to sleep with her-"
He laughed, "Warden...Warden, what foolish story are you trying to tell me? You heard the man. You don't need to try to convince me. I will not let you die...Warden...Aria..."
He cupped her face and whispered, "I love you. I would go to my death willingly for you a thousand times. You don't have to feel guilty. You are a good woman, the best I know. I know you want to live, and I know you think I should die. I agree. It can't be you. I won't let it be you."
"Loghain," she whispered, "Please...please you need to do this, it will save your life. Oh Maker, please. I can't take the blow and I can't lose you. You have to do this."
He knelt before her, pleading, "Do not send me from you now. Please. Let me be with you, just this last time. I love you. I love you so much. Please, please don't do this to me now."
"You foolish man," she cried, "I love you. That's why you need to do this. Please. Please. I can't lose you. I can't."
He kissed her belly as he pulled her to him and murmured, "You don't need to lie to me. Don't punish me like this. You don't need to pity me."
"Nothing I say will convince you, will it?" She laughed sadly.
"If you ask me to do this," he whispered, standing to touch her face, "I will. I will do all that you ask of me. To my last breath."
She kissed him and for a minute, he could believe that she meant it.
"Go," she whispered as she pulled away, "She's in my room. Thank you, thank you."
He didn't want to leave her side, but he managed to pull away.
oOo
Loghain hesitated before entering the room, seeing the Witch lying in the sheets, naked, her hair undone and flowing around her.
She rose slowly, smiling.
"She's convinced you, has she?"
"No," he chuckled, "But here I am."
"What has she told you?" Morrigan asked, rising from the bed.
"She's made up some fishtale about a magical ritual that will save my life. She's a clever woman; I imagine this was her idea. I don't know why you would play along though."
"The Archdemon desires one with the Taint," Morrigan explained, walking towards him, "It will seek you or her. But if there is a child, one growing and developing, protected at conception with a ritual, then the Archdemon's soul will travel to the child, destroying the Taint, but preserving the soul of an Old God within the child. An Old God reborn. And no Warden need die."
He laughed, "And you want me to give you this child in exchange for my life?"
"For all of your lives," she said, stroking his cheek, "Surely you would do anything to protect her. Is this such a terrible task? What harm would it do, even if you didn't believe? A little pleasure is not such a terrible thing."
She reached down, undoing his trousers slowly.
"What do you need of me?" He asked.
"You've fathered a child before," she laughed, "Surely you know how this is done."
She kissed him lightly as she slid his pants to the ground. He let her undress him, his body reacting to her touch.
She went over to the bedside, pouring two glasses of wine. She held the one out to him and he went to drink.
"Not yet," she smiled, and whispered an enchantment over the cups. She took some of the wine from her cup, marking a symbol lightly on his forehead. She guided his hand into his, tracing a similar shape on her own.
"Now drink," she commanded.
He drank the glass empty, a strange buzzing running through his body.
She kissed him again, his heart pounding. He felt himself be led to the bed, his body aching, his cock hard and throbbing. She pushed him down on the bed, straddling herself over him before pushing herself down.
He groaned, the heat rushing through his body.
"I've heard how you've made her scream," Morrigan chuckled, thrusting herself up and down his shaft, "I can see why. Now, are you enjoying yourself?"
Despite his concerns, he was. He grunted as she moved, leaning forward, her nails digging into his chest as she rode.
"Will this be enough for you?" She gasped, "I need you to come inside of me. I need your seed for this to work."
He pushed her down into the bed, spreading her thighs before pummeling back into her. She cried out as he thrust hard and deep.
"Is this what you want, Witch?" he groaned, grabbing the back of her head, "Is this what you want of me?"
"Good," she moaned, "There must be passion in the act, lust, desire. Take what you want of me."
"I want her," he whispered.
He withdrew, taking her sex into his mouth roughly, his tongue moving inside of her desperately. She cried out, shaking, writhing under him, his hands pushing her legs apart. The need in his cock grew too much and he took himself in hand as he worked, jerking hard.
She threw her head back and she commanded, "Loghain."
He pushed himself back inside of her as she shook around him. The orgasm hit him hard and he thrust shallowly and quickly, the pleasure taking over his body. When he regained control of himself, he withdrew, looking at her in shame.
She rose slowly, kissing his forehead.
"You have done well," she murmured, holding his head in her hands.
"I have to go," he replied quietly, picking his clothes off the floor, "I...I am sorry if I was too hard or rough-"
"You gave me great pleasure," she reassured, and her hand rested on her belly, "And you have given me a greater gift. Rest easy now. You are all safe."
He left, dressing still as he entered the hall. He returned to his room, but she was nowhere to be seen.
He laid down on the bed, a strange numbness coming over his body. He did not know how to feel, what to think.
He missed her.
One night alone before the end.
He could handle that.
oOo
Tabris had avoided him on the march back to Denerim. She had stayed mainly with Alistair, the two friends speaking quietly to themselves.
Loghain hung back with the others, watching the army move towards the city.
It would not be long now.
oOo
When they made it towards the gates, Riordan told them to go in separately, for they would be faster in a small group. Tabris looked at Loghain and he could see fear in her eyes.
Tabris went to his side and said quietly, "Take Morrigan and whoever you need. I will stay here and keep the gate clear."
"Warden," he said gently, "I will not grow coward on you now. I need you in the city with me, please. I will keep you safe, until the Archdemon is slain. I...I do not want to die alone."
She cupped his face gently and he rested his forehead on hers.
"I love you," he whispered, "I never thought...I never thought I could love someone again. You made me believe again. You are good. Truly good. Ferelden will be safe with you. You are better than I was."
"Loghain," she murmured, "There's something I need to-"
"No," he said quietly, "Don't. I know you don't love me back. I can't...it's okay. Thank you for letting me get this far."
She kissed him, throwing her arms around his neck, tears streaming down her face. He pulled away, kissing her cheek.
"Now's not the time for pity," he chuckled, "There are darkspawn to defeat."
He selected his crew, Morrigan following behind him as they entered the city.
oOo
The Archdemon lay dying. It was time.
He ran forward, sword in hand, panting as he slid the blade into its throat. He felt the pulse, felt the shake through his body. The blast threw him back and he hit the ground hard.
He closed his eyes, waiting for the end, waiting for his death.
But his heart beat. His breath kept coming.
He opened his eyes, covered in blood, shaking as he rose again. He saw others running towards the top of the Tower, cheering as they cleared out the remaining darkspawn. He saw Morrigan smile at him briefly before she disappeared into the crowd.
He did not think. He just ran.
He made it to the bottom of the tower before he saw her. They stood, transfixed as the others ran past them. She smiled and he walked to her side, holding her to him.
"Do you believe me now?" She laughed.
He kissed her hard, pulling her as close to him as he could.
"I love you," she whispered, "I had no idea you felt the same. I thought...I thought..."
"I don't understand," he laughed, "Why did you need me to take the blow if you knew we would both live? Why?"
She smiled, beaming at him, "Morrigan told you how it worked. How it would seek out a child with the Taint? Well...I..."
Loghain's face softened and he murmured, "Are you telling me..."
She nodded and laughed, "I'm pregnant."
He kissed her again, picking her up into his arms.
She laughed again, "I'm not an invalid. I can walk myself."
"I'm getting you to a Chantry quick," he grumbled, "No child of mine is being born out of wedlock."
"You're so old-fashioned," she rolled her eyes.
She kissed him again and he felt his heart skip a beat. She loved him. Maker, she loved him.
He carried her into the makeshift camp and let her to her feet. She tore at his clothes, tossing them to the side as he pulled her into a tent. They laughed as they fell together, his body cradling hers from the ground.
He took off her pants, his mouth on her sex before she could even take off her armour. She struggled taking off the other pieces as he kissed up and down her lips, his tongue inside her. She came just as she tossed her small clothes to the side.
"I love you," she groaned, "I love you so much."
He continued his task, moaning into her, her taste on his mouth, her sweetness dribbling down his chin as she bucked above him. When she finally begged for him, he pulled himself up, pushing himself inside of her as she sighed. He slid her onto his lap, pushing into her while he held her upright. She kissed him deeply, her body still shaking around him, so sensitive and wet, and absolutely perfect.
She screamed for him as she came again, bucking. He held onto her hips, moving her against him again and again until he could not hold himself back. He came hard, grunting, grabbing at her, her head flung back as she cried out his name.
Still inside of her, he kissed her, holding her to him.
"I'm not quite so old-fashioned," he teased, nuzzling into her neck.
She giggled, resting her head on his shoulder.
"You will marry me though, won't you?" He asked gently.
She grinned as she nodded, "It wouldn't be respectable, after all."
He chuckled, "Good. In the morning, then. We still have some celebrating to do."