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English
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Published:
2020-07-02
Updated:
2022-01-05
Words:
5,201
Chapters:
9/?
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5
Kudos:
32
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1,614

Ready to die

Chapter Text

His heart is fluttering; it's erratic and it's making catching his breath more and more difficult. That's when he feels the tingling in his fingertips on the left side of his body which develops quickly into pins and needles up his left arm. He wonders if the shock of hearing about Ziva's fate has delivered the final blow to his emotionally damaged heart. The physical discomfort isn’t terrible, but it is terrifying. It escalates to both arms and his breathing is labored. His vision is spotty and keeping his eyes open is the exact opposite of what his body is fighting to do...darkness overcomes him.

He thinks he hears her calling to him but the voice is faint and he's not sure if it's a figment of his imagination or maybe she's come to meet him so he can follow her into eternal life. And now he sees her. She's not battered or bruised and she's breathtaking. Her hair is floating below her shoulders and the white glow enveloping her body covers any indecency but he can’t quite say it’s linen or clouds that she wears. Dear God she can only be described as an angel. And then she's close and she surrounds him with her energy and he whispers her name desperately. It's peaceful and he just wants to touch her and hold her and be with her on a level he's never been granted before. He's lost in the feel of her spirit and can't look away from her gaze; he’s enraptured by the vision of her at peace. And he hears his name but it sounds panicked and he diverts his gaze from her . He finds nothing in the darkness that swallows him up. When he returns his eyes to her she’s no longer within reach and that’s when he sees it. And his feeling of elation turns to despair because her loving stare is now a horrifying vacant look. Just then a chill runs though him, and just as quick as she was with him she’s gone. She’s gone.

A violent gasp rocks Tony's chest when he jolts awake. McGee is still calling out to him asking him if he's okay. A hint of terror can be heard in McGee's voice as he assessess Tony's health. Tony knows McGee is counting on him to stay alive for support at the very least. He's wishing he could just go back a few hours so that he has no knowledge of her ever being here. Ziva dying alone at sea and never getting the chance to tell her how much hope and love she added to his life was devastating enough, but knowing that the woman he loved for so long was tortured and raped here at the hands of this monster, was just unbearable. Magee hasn't said a word since he called out to him . Saleem has left them there in silence. He's not sure how much time has passed, but it's clear that Saleem is well versed in putting a psychological hurt on someone. Tony thought to himself, that when Saleem returns to this hole they've been trapped in, he's going to bargain with these terrorists in an attempt to spare McGee's life. If McGee gets set free then perhaps Gibbs can grab him up before the captors change their minds. He would stall for as long as he could to get the best possible outcome in this situation when it involves McGee. Death at this point feels like a gift. Loving another would never be likely and living with these new unspeakable images in his head is simply not possible. It's not a new revelation though, after all he came here to avenge her death and was certainly ready to die.
With that last thought he heard shouting and then a loud thud. The chemicals in his veins cloud any clarity he has right now and although he feels like he’s loosing touch with reality, he still badly wants to pay attention to the chaos erupting around him. Because he’s ready to leave this earth in a blaze of glory. Fighting to make sure Magee thrives and succumbing to his fate and dying in her honor. Gun fire and shouting, the words that flow outside sound desperate, even if it’s in Arabic.