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With a groan of frustration, Evfra pressed his knuckles to his forehead, putting pressure on that spot between his eyes where the headache had taken up residence. Of all the ridiculous things to put him out of commission, this was the worst—having no ability to trust his own judgement and compounding that with the ache between his thighs. It had been too many years since the last time and there was no sort of familiarity in the feeling.
He’d handed the reins off temporarily for the time being, leaving the Resistance with no answers to the questions they undoubtedly had. As much as he preferred to have oversight, a militia with no ability to lead itself was one doomed to fail. They could handle themselves for a week.
Only a week, he reminded himself, ignoring the traitorous whisper that this torment could be so much shorter if he just had someone to spend the heat with.
There wasn’t anyone he was willing to ask. Sentimentality was a weakness when Evfra had to look each member of the Resistance in the eyes and know that he was sending them to their potential deaths. He couldn’t risk favoritism, not even unintentional favoritism, for the same reasons he couldn’t risk being open about what he was. Unity in purpose, a single shared goal and driving desire to see it through, that was the only thing he could focus on. If it meant being seen as cold and alarmingly reticent by the rest of the angara, so be it.
And all that aside, Jaal was not on Aya. If Evfra were to allow himself that moment of weakness, it wouldn’t be for anyone else—so the point was moot. He’d take this week off, make absolutely certain that there were no problems with his suppressants for the next time, and never bring it up.
The datapad on his desk lit up with a new message. Hunting for a distraction—and knowing that his need to be distracted was half his own doing—he opened it, skimming over the paragraphs updating him on Aya’s wellbeing. His fighters hadn’t quite grasped the meaning of ‘vacation’ but in their defense, neither had he. He’d resolved not to answer it just as his eyes caught on a single line near the bottom.
The Tempest had landed in Aya.
He’d managed to distance himself from the burning under his skin but it all came rushing back at once, the need and desperation to be taken mingling with the constant underlying guilt for having a favorite. Considering Jaal a friend was bad enough, one of his best soldiers even worse, but he could not, would not let himself cross that final dangerous line. No matter how much his body begged him to. But it hurt to deny himself, made all the worse by the fact that Jaal was undeniably within reach by now.
Maybe it was better if he didn’t try and work through this. Clearly he couldn’t keep his mind on the task, and the temptation to send a message rose with each passing second until it was so strong that pushing away the datapad was the only acceptable option remaining. Out of immediate reach, because unless he tossed it out a window, he wouldn’t truly be able to avoid touching it forever.
If there was some small comfort to be had in this misery, it was that Jaal would likely be too busy to notice his absence. Reluctant though he might have been to let one of his best fighters accompany the Pathfinder once the Moshae had been returned to them and the Archon broken, Evfra had to admit that was useful now—Jaal was in high demand, and the Tempest rarely stayed in Aya for more than a day or two. He wouldn’t be missed.
And if that made some part of him curl up in misery, the instincts driving him deeper into heat as his firmly walled off heart ached, then that was no one’s problem but his own.
His datapad lit up again right as the door to his quarters chimed softly to announce a visitor. He froze, torn between checking his messages—a mistake, surely—and checking who was at the door—also a mistake, and potentially a more dangerous one. None of his fighters should be asking for him, but that didn’t rule out any other concerned citizens. One or the other. He couldn’t leave both unanswered.
Since the datapad represented a more appealing sort of temptation, he moved on stiff limbs to the door instead. If he was swift answering whatever question his visitor had, they might not catch his scent before they left; even if they did, he could downplay that fact, obfuscate the truth that he’d hidden for years now. That he had experience with.
His luck being what it was, Jaal stood there patiently when Evfra finally opened the door.
“They told me you would not be in the Resistance Headquarters for the next few days,” Jaal said, his low, sonorous voice leaving Evfra briefly tongue-tied. This was not the circumstance he was prepared for. “I wanted to check in and…”
He saw the moment Jaal registered the thing that was wrong about this picture, the question forming in his eyes even as he kept his counsel close to his chest. There were two options here, which were truly not options at all; before Jaal could say the damning words aloud, Evfra stepped back and tipped his head towards the interior of his quarters. Better to have this conversation in private. His secret favoritism aside, he could at least trust Jaal to be discreet.
“I know,” Evfra answered the unasked question as Jaal stepped through the door, shutting it and locking it again as a precaution.
“Does anyone else know? That you’re an omega?” It was hard to read anything into the careful way Jaal phrased the questions and the way he hovered near the door, as if he were reluctant to come further in. Pity was a possibility, but Evfra rejected it viciously. Simple curiosity might be better. He refused to consider genuine interest, not when he knew himself to be recalcitrant and hard-willed. Neither of those were ideal omega traits, a fact that had reinforced his decision to hide.
Maybe that’s why he’d gotten complacent. He’d gotten so good at fooling everyone else, he’d fooled himself too, thought for just long enough that maybe he’d broken himself off all those traits and left the less desirable ones behind too. Not a mistake he could afford to make twice.
He’d been quiet for too long, all his thoughts coming slower with the fire under his skin driving him to distraction. Evfra stalked back around to his desk, using it as a barrier between them and a way to keep himself in check. It wouldn’t be fair to demand Jaal’s attention like this. Even if his body craved Jaal’s touch, not just as an alpha but as—
Sentimentality was a weakness, he reminded himself before finally clearing his throat. “No. Hence the need to take a short… vacation.”
“You haven’t taken a break in years, Evfra,” Jaal said, shifting on his feet.
“I’m aware.” He gritted his teeth and looked away, unwilling to keep monitoring Jaal’s face for every minute shift in expression. “There was a… mishap with the suppressants I typically use. It won’t happen again.”
“Why hide?” Jaal asked before correcting himself almost immediately. “No, I know why you hid it. Even the Resistance isn’t perfect. But you’re Evfra, no one could object to that now, could they?”
Evfra snorted, reaching up to push his knuckles against his forehead again. His body was punishing him for his arrogance, the conceit that led him to try and hide what he was. Well, he considered himself punished enough without the headache as well. It was taking all of his willpower to hold to his own rules when Jaal was standing right there, offering to help, as alpha as they came with a quiet sense of authority.
“It doesn’t serve the Resistance’s purposes to— It wouldn’t matter. It’s simpler for me to take some time off. If it’s important, send it to me anyways, but the rest of the Resistance should be able to handle it.” He dragged his palm over his face and finally looked at Jaal again, his planned dismissal stilling on his tongue.
Jaal had moved from his position by the door, pausing in front of the desk before reaching out a hand to touch Evfra’s own. “A week on your own would be torture. It doesn’t have to be that way, Evfra.”
“I can’t ask that of you,” he said even as his body demanded he do just that. He couldn’t have favorites. He couldn’t. And yet—
“You don’t have to ask. I’m offering.” There was a long pause, Jaal’s eyes searching his face for something as Efrva did his best to avoid breathing in the rich scent of an alpha. It was much harder with Jaal so close. “But if you want me to leave, I will. I can promise that this won’t leave this room.”
That would be the better, wiser thing to do. But Evfra had wanted, for a long time now, and even he wasn’t made of steel. No matter how little he allowed himself to feel, at his core he was angara, and he couldn’t resist temptation dangled in front of him. Not when the burn of heat was still firing under his skin, making his muscles tense up, leaving him slick and longing for something to fill the emptiness.
“Stay,” he said, barely hearing himself as he lifted a hand to cup Jaal’s cheek, his thumb dragging over the scar there.
Impossible to tell who moved first, but that didn’t matter when Jaal’s mouth was searing hot under his and his hands remarkably steady as they went for his jacket. The desk was in the way, no longer a wanted barrier so much as an infuriating obstacle, and Evfra growled as he reluctantly broke off to move around it. If he was going to give into temptation, then he was going to experience this in the fullest. His heart couldn’t bear to have only the taste of Jaal on his lips, not when there was so much more of him that Evfra was desperate for.
Those few seconds gave Jaal time to set his things aside and hastily begin to disrobe. Even with heat clouding his judgement, Evfra could see the sense in it, his own clothes dragged off with a great deal less care. That was a problem for the future.
His hands caught on the ridges of Jaal’s chest, dragging over the newly revealed skin, his grip tight as Jaal steered him towards the bed. The need was unbearable, his own clothes piled on the ground around him, Jaal’s rofjin falling to the floor along with his armor. Now that he’d given himself permission, every second spent still fumbling was torture.
Evfra thumped back against the thin mattress, swearing under his breath as he tried to drag Jaal down with him. It was a useless endeavor, Jaal’s hands caught around his thighs as he leaned over, a small smile on his lips. His grip was firm, the touch grounding the restless energy under Evfra’s skin, but it still wasn’t enough.
“Either do something with that mouth or stop teasing me,” he said, hooking an arm around Jaal’s neck and lifting his hips.
What he meant was for Jaal to drive into him, fingers or cock. What he got was Jaal’s small smile widening as he dipped his head down, lips and tongue tracing over the ridges on his chest, darting over old scars from long ago battles. The fire under his skin burned brighter, flaring up wildly as Evfra groaned and flattened his palm over Jaal’s shoulders.
The rich scent of an alpha surrounded him as Jaal’s mouth slid over the tip of his cock, his hands still firm on Evfra’s thighs. Wet heat surrounded him, so like the wetness in him aching to be filled, and still it wasn’t enough. It had been so long since his last heat and now this one was a torture between Jaal’s hands, Jaal’s mouth, and the overwhelming presence of an alpha in his space that Evfra couldn’t think past. When he’d considered the possibility of telling Jaal ‘yes’, he hadn’t ever thought of what the reality might hold.
“Jaal—” he groaned, cutting himself off with a soft hiss when Jaal’s tongue did something obscene.
“I’ve always wondered what you might taste like,” Jaal said, finally pulling his mouth away as he leaned back. His hands were working their way under Evfra’s hips, pushing him to roll over. Desperate for any indication that Jaal might actually get on with things, Evfra let him and buried his face in the crook of his arm as he grabbed for the thin fabric on his bed.
Jaal’s hands were firm, unyielding as they gripped his ass and spread him wide. His thighs had already been pushed apart but Evfra spread them wider, a wordless plea that ran closer to a demand. If he had to, he’d seize control of the situation again, because he hadn’t spent so many years going without just to be teased now. Not when he ached with emptiness, the fire in his veins bright enough to catch the whole room.
As if he could sense Evfra’s building frustration—and he certainly wasn’t making any effort to hide it—Jaal made a soothing noise in the back of his throat, dragging the length of his cock over Evfra’s hole. It wasn’t enough, but it was so much more than he’d had for years that Evfra couldn’t help the desperate, wordless plea he made for the rest of it. Before the wordless plea could turn into something more, Jaal pushed forward, burying himself with one slow thrust, the hours of infuriating agony finally good for something.
Evfra groaned and tightened his grip on his sheets, the muscle in his arm cording under his forehead. He’d forgotten just how good it felt to have an alpha’s cock inside him, forgotten just how right it was to be stretched around a thick shaft. That it was Jaal’s cock, Jaal’s hands on him and Jaal’s voice caught on a soft moan, only made it better.
“How long…?” Jaal’s low voice was breathless, the weight of his body heavy as he rolled his hips and bent further forward. Evfra shuddered underneath him, rocked back into the motion and relished the way he could feel Jaal’s grip tighten.
“Since before I took over the Resistance,” he said, uncaring of how muffled the words might be. There had always been something more important, especially once—no, he wouldn’t think of that now. Not when Jaal was shifting behind him, settling himself in a way that had Evfra clenching tight around him, recognizing the moment the alpha instincts had taken control.
“I have a lot of time to make up for,” Jaal hummed, one hand still firm on Evfra’s hip as the other slowly dragged up his back, settling just between his shoulders and pushing down. Pinning him there.
For once, submitting felt right. Evfra buried his face in the mattress, swore under his breath again, and let go of the part of his brain that still wanted to think about the world outside this room. None of it mattered anymore, not when his alpha—and that was a dangerous, traitorous thought, one he wasn’t strong enough to resist repeating in the safety of his thoughts—had him in hand. Jaal’s cock dragged as he pulled almost all the way out, filled him again until Evfra was nearly choking at the feel of it, and finally, finally the aching need that haunted him was sated.
The weight on top of him shifted forward, pinned him harder as Jaal finally began to thrust with intent. Not fast but deep, burying his cock to the hilt with each roll of his hips until Evfra was so caught up in the sensation that he could barely keep his thoughts straight. The desperation from earlier had faded now that Jaal was moving, even if Evfra was caught on a cusp of too much and not enough. It was enough to have an alpha on top of him, Jaal’s palm flat and soothing across his spine as his hips snapped forward and forced a moan out of Evfra’s throat.
His other hand moved, drifted away from Evfra’s hip and braced against the mattress as Jaal groaned something unintelligible that might have been his name. Without thinking, Evfra uncurled his free hand from the sheets, shifted it so that he could brush his thumb against the side of Jaal’s hand. He could feel the full-body shudder that rolled through Jaal at the touch, the way his muscles tensed as he drove himself even deeper than before. The heady power of that might have made him guilty, but he’d already thrown all shame to the side—just knowing that he could affect Jaal the way Jaal affected him filled him with a sense of satisfaction.
Jaal’s hand moved to curl over Evfra’s, palm to palm.
Like a dam breaking, the slow, steady thrusts shifted into something much more urgent. Evra stopped trying to bite back the sounds he was making low in his throat, letting them spill free as Jaal’s thrusts came harder, faster, driving into him until he could barely breathe for the pleasure of it. He was so close to the relief he’d been chasing but it wasn’t quite enough, the stretch of Jaal’s cock perfect and yet lacking somehow. He needed—
The hands on him pushed down harder, pinned him to the bed as Jaal slammed into him a final time, grinding in deep as his knot began to swell. And that was the thing that finally, finally tipped him over the edge, the fire under his skin blazing up as pleasure swamped him. Evfra couldn’t help moaning Jaal’s name, eyes shut tight as he shook underneath the onslaught of sensation, his desperate longing fulfilled.
Jaal’s voice was low enough that Evfra barely caught it over the ringing in his ears, a whisper that sounded like his name, like a fervent, “I love you.”
Caught up in the wash of euphoria, Evfra let himself believe it.
The datapad on his desk lit up, briefly filling his darkened rooms with its glow. Jaal was a warm weight at his side, the scent of alpha mingling with the scent of sex in a way that satisfied a bone-deep craving Evfra had forgotten until now. It was easier to think, even if his body still ached to be pinned down and bred.
Best not to consider the consequences of his impulsive decision. He would deal with that when the need arose.
“You’re thinking very loudly, Evfra,” Jaal murmured, one hand shifting to run over his scarred skin.
Evfra grimaced as the datapad lit up again, then rolled over so they were face to face, Jaal’s handsome features softened by the blue light. This was not something he should have allowed himself but that too could be dealt with later. He was too much an angara to resist his heart for so long, he should have known that.
“I can’t afford to keep you in Aya,” he said, instead of any of the sweet nothings lovers were supposed to say. “You’re too important to the Resistance, even stationed on the Tempest.”
Something like dismay flickered across Jaal’s features, but he schooled his expression carefully. “I didn’t expect you to keep me here, Evfra.”
Before Jaal could pull his hand away, Evfra grabbed it, keeping it close to his skin. He needed Jaal to understand this, that if it weren’t for everything else, Evfra would have already asked him to stay. That if he could set aside duty at all, it would be for Jaal. Just because he couldn't let himself have that didn't stop the desire for it from haunting his thoughts.
“I can’t afford to keep you in Aya, but I want to. If I could justify it, I would. Even if I couldn’t justify it, I would.” Evfra pushed their foreheads together, meeting Jaal’s eyes intently. Commander to soldier. Omega to alpha. “You have always been important to me, Jaal. More important than friendship alone can account for.”
“I didn’t realize,” Jaal said, the hurt in his eyes fading. Some of the tension in his muscles fled and Evfra remembered that whispered confession, the one he hadn't been sure he'd heard at all. “And to think, I had my heart set on you the whole time.”
A weakness, Evfra thought, before ruthlessly squashing it. They had struck a major blow against the kett. He could allow himself one weakness, especially with the lingering edges of heat starting to cloud his mind again. “This—”
“Changes nothing. I don’t care if you’re an omega, Evfra. My mother would have my head if I dared say otherwise. You’re one of the most impressive men I’ve ever known, and that’s still true.” A fond, teasing smile slowly stretched over Jaal's face, his hand falling down to hitch Evfra’s thigh up. “I should say, it changes only one thing, and it has nothing to do with how I see you.”
“Hah. In that case…” Evfra shifted, ignoring the reflection of light off the wall. Whatever messages he'd recieved could wait.
He had something much more important to attend to.