Chapter Text
To say Cheryl was inconsolable would be to say the least.
She’d known the second Toni’s heart stopped, and felt her own wither and cry out in anguish.
The others had looked at her with fear in their eyes and horror written across their faces, for they were all aware that Cheryl’s instinct was not without merit. The connection between Cheryl and Toni is something others only dream of, a bond so strong it’s as if their souls are interconnected.
It’d taken all of them the best part of an hour to calm the redhead, especially when the iciness had washed over her for a second time.
Just as her breathing had returned to a normal pace, they were approached by a doctor.
A doctor with a solemn face and tired eyes.
Cheryl’s chest had constricted and she’d felt her heart shatter so painfully that she’d feared the fragments would never be whole again.
The doctor looked to be in her late thirties and had introduced herself as Dr Greene. She looked kind and understanding, exactly the kind of person Cheryl needed to bhear from, with silver framed glasses perched on her face and blonde wips escaping from their ponytailed hold.
Initially Dr Greene had asked to speak to a next of kin, however, after being met with desperate comments that Fangs is Toni’s brother and Cheryl using the gravitas of her surname, she’d realised that there was no way on earth this group were going to accept anything other than her speaking to them all right there and then.
As Dr Greene had explained Toni’s predicament, Cheryl’s heart had plummeted. As too had everyone else’s.
Toni had been in surgery for hours.
During which, she crashed.
Twice.
Twice, the soul Cheryl holds so dear had crossed over the bridge between this life and the next.
The doctor had told them how the knife had gone through Toni’s abdominal wall and punctured her liver, which had resulted in profuse internal bleeding as well as her body entering a state of shock. The surgery team had managed to eventually seal the laceration to her liver however, due to her severe blood loss coupled with shock, she’d crashed.
Twice.
Dr Greene had continued to explain the procedure but by that point Cheryl’s patience of waiting for word of her love’s state had worn thin. She’d interrupted the word of Toni being given a blood transfusion to make up for that which she’d lost with a shaky voice, fearful of the answer to her question, “is, is she- is Toni a-alive?”
A blink.
A breath.
A heartbeat.
Toni’s doctor had cleared her throat, “yes, she is. Miss Topaz made it through surgery and the blood transfusion. As I mentioned before, her wound has been sealed and the bleeding stopped and she’s, she’s stable.”
To say a sigh of relief had echoed around the group would be an understatement.
Dr Greene had proceeded to tell them that it was thanks to Sweet Pea, Fangs, and Jughead that the pink haired girl is still alive, for had it been any longer before her getting to the hospital she wouldn’t have made it.
As much as this had given the others a sense of relief, it had only served to make the boys angry at themselves, storms of guilt brewing inside them and their thoughts all echoing that perhaps had they gotten her there sooner Toni wouldn’t be in such a bad way.
But whilst the rest of her friends were listening to Dr Greene with rapt attention, Cheryl hadn’t been able to shake the unnerving feeling in her gut, couldn’t ignore the sympathy still held within the doctor’s eyes and the way she’d paused before speaking of Toni’s stability.
Before the woman in front of them had been able to continue any further explanation Cheryl had interrupted her once more, knowing there was something coming, that Toni’s doctor was building up to parting information that would bring with it deep sorrow. “What is it? What- what aren’t you telling us?”
It’s then that Dr Greene had sighed and dropped the bomb that shattered their hearts, “Due to her body’s state of shock and amount of blood lost from the puncturing of Miss Topaz’s liver, her body, and most importantly her brain, suffered from a lack of oxygen and as a result I am sorry to inform you that Miss Topaz has entered into a comatose state.”
Cheryl’s heart had shattered.
A coma.
The love of her life is in a coma.
Before Dr Greene had been able to continue, Josie had asked the question Cheryl hadn’t been able to bring herself to, “but- but she’s alive right? Toni’s going to make it?”
Dr Greene had looked at the hopeful faces before her and been desperate to give them the answer they were looking for, but she’d also known that she had to be truthful and false hope wasn’t going to help anyone. “I’m afraid that’s up to Miss Topaz now. She’s stable and her vital signs are good, but it’s a waiting game to give her body time to heal itself.”
By this point, Cheryl wasn’t the only one with tears streaming down her face. Dr Greene had continued, desperate to give the group before her something. “I know this is a very serious and worrying situation, but I can assure you that we are all doing our best for her. It’s clear to me that Miss Topaz is a fighter, we just have to wait for her body to do what it needs to heal.”
-
It’s been less than twenty minutes since Dr Greene had told Cheryl and the others of Toni’s condition and she’s still not entirely sure the information has properly sunk in yet.
For, standing before a closed door reading the number 113, Cheryl finds herself trembling and drawing in shaky breaths, trying to prepare herself for what lies on the other side.
She’s not ready for the sight that’s waiting for her, not ready to see the love of her life laid on a hospital bed attached to machines and fighting for her life.
She wishes she had someone beside her, however Dr Greene had said only one visitor at a time and it’d been unanimously agreed that she be the one to go.
After Dr Greene had finished talking with them about Toni’s condition, Cheryl had thanked the others for coming and implored them to head home. Sweet Pea had taken Toni’s Serpent jacket from her with a comment of getting it cleaned ready for when she wakes up, and her friends had left with words of support and comments of visiting in the coming days, and Cheryl knows she isn’t the only one deeply concerned for the girl they all adore so much.
The redhead is aware that prolonging seeing her girlfriend is doing more harm than good, and the sooner she can confirm to her mind that Toni is, at least, still breathing the better.
She sucks in a shaky inhale, steals herself, and gently pushes open the door.
A sob rips from her chest as her eyes fall upon Toni.
Beautiful, incredible, perfect Toni, looking so fragile, as if but a singular breath could break her. Countless tubes connect her to varying machines and Cheryl’s eyes briefly flit to the heart monitor, watching the pulsating of the line, before falling to the delicate rise and fall of Toni’s chest with desperate need to affirm that there is indeed still breath within it.
Within an instant she’s rushing over to Toni’s bedside and placing her hand gently over her love’s lying motionless on the bed. A look of utter sorrow takes over her face as her lip trembles and Cheryl dares to cast her eyes over her girlfriend’s frame. Tears stream down her cheeks as her heart aches at seeing the one it belongs to in such a fragile state.
She shakes her head, her voice thick as she speaks through her sobs, “oh TT.”
---------------------
A week passes and there’s no change. Cheryl’s spent every moment by her girlfriend’s side, and has even taken to sleeping in the chair at her bedside every night so as to not be away from her. Dr Greene checks in regularly, as do the nurses, and Cheryl knows that they truly are taking the best care of Toni that they possibly can.
She’s thankful that Toni has a private room, and even more thankful for her family's money for she’s already made it clear no expense is too great if it aids in her love’s recovery.
Cheryl’s also thankful that said room has a window with a decent view of the hospital grounds, for the summer sun streaming through it helps to brighten it’s otherwise clinical aura and she’s found that she rather enjoys people watching to pass the time. She often finds herself telling Toni about the things she sees, be it creating stories about the people that catch her eye or simply describing the view.
She constantly talks to Toni, even if it is mindless idle chatter and one sided conversation, for she desperately hopes that somehow, someway, something might just make it through her girlfriend's comatose state and she’ll know Cheryl’s there.
That, plus the redhead finds the silence of Toni’s room, save for the sounds of the machines, unbearable and does whatever she can to fill it.
She’s always been one for quiet moments. Always happy to bask in contented silence and found serenity within the calm amidst the normal chaos of her life. But this, a week without hearing Toni’s voice or laugh, no melodious humming to the radio or muttering to herself when she thinks she’s alone, Cheryl’s more than ready to never have a quiet moment to herself ever again. Especially if it’s Toni who’s filling the silence.
For there’s no peace in this quiet.
There are only silent screams of fear echoing across her mind.
At present, Cheryl’s sitting in her usual place in the chair by Toni’s bedside, her red locks tied up in a bun and face devoid of make up, as it has been all week. One of her hands is gently placed over her love’s own whilst the other thumbs through her first edition of The Great Gatsby. Truth be told she’s never much cared for this book, however she’s already finished the other two that had been amongst her things brought by Veronica and Archie at the beginning of the week, and she’s in desperate need of something to keep her mind occupied.
To say she’s grateful for her friends would be an understatement. Everyday at least one of them stops by and they’re all constantly sending her messages of support and reaffirming that they’re there should she require anything, and Cheryl’s wholeheartedly thankful that they’re there for her to lean on. Josie and Veronica had even managed to convince her to go home the other day to shower and check in with Nana Rose, promising not to leave Toni’s side for even a second until she returned.
Cheryl almost feels like a shell of herself, as if she’s unable to allow herself to feel any real emotion for the knowledge that the second she does, the ever brewing storm inside of her will begin to wage. She’s only allowed herself one moment of allowing her feelings out, and that’d been the first time she’d seen Toni laid in the bed and she’d been unable to prevent the onslaught of fear and worry that’d poured from her.
Since then she’s kept her emotions under wraps, shoved deep down inside herself.
But that doesn’t mean they’re not there, and that doesn't mean she isn’t more than aware of the well of terror and sorrow bubbling within her.
In truth, she’s exhausted.
She hasn’t had a decent shower in three days and it’s safe to say that the cafeteria food isn’t doing much for her appetite, not that she has much of one anyway. She’s spent the week living from the provisions brought to her from Thistlehouse by Veronica and Archie, and her usually fashion week ready attire now consists of varying leggings, t-shirts, and hoodies - two of which belong to Toni and had resulted in many tears after she’d seen Veronica had lovingly packed them for her.
She’s in a constant state of terror that at any moment something might happen and Toni could take a turn for the worst. She barely leaves the room for fear of being away from her for too long and only when their friends visit does she allow herself a moment outside Toni’s hospital room, entrusting the others to watch over her love in her place.
Toni’s stable, and right now Cheryl’s trying to take as much comfort in that information as she can, whilst also desperately praying for her to wake up. She knows her girlfriend has suffered significant injury and her body is doing this to protect itself after going through such immense trauma and losing so much blood, but it doesn’t stop her being terrified for her. It doesn’t stop her fear of the unknown and worries of ‘what if’. It doesn’t stop her nightmares, when she can manage to get some sleep that is, and it doesn’t stop the harrowing thoughts constantly echoing through her mind.
She knows the image of Toni lain in this bed is one that will be forever burned into her mind.
Opening the door for the first time and seeing her girlfriend looking so small and frail had caused her so much sorrow it felt as if her soul itself had cracked.
It’s been days and she’s still not used to it. Still not gotten her mind around the wires and tubes connecting her love to varying machines or the way Toni’s normally glowing skin looks sickly and pale. She’s failing to accept that someone so strong currently looks so fragile and struggling to cope with how when she squeezes her hand, Toni doesn’t squeeze hers back.
She misses Toni’s laugh, misses her voice and her smile. She misses her eyes and the way they shine with that special warmth that only Toni radiates.
Cheryl’s struggling to process that those brown eyes she adores so much are hidden behind closed eyelids with no knowing of when, or if, they’ll open again.
A knock on the door brings Cheryl from her thoughts and she looks over to the doorway to see Sweet Pea and Fangs. She smiles at them weakly, closes her book and places it on the bedside table as the boys make their way into Toni’s room.
Fangs hands her a coffee, which she gratefully accepts, before taking a seat in one of the two chairs on the other side of Toni’s bed. Sweet Pea gestures to the bag in his grip, and Cheryl notes that it’s one of her own, “we brought you your request as well as some fresh clothes and stuff.”
Cheryl smiles up at him thankfully and he makes his way to the table by the window and places the bag on it, before taking a seat in the chair next to Fangs.
“How is she?” Fangs’ voice is laced with worry.
Cheryl sighs as her eye line falls to Toni’s hand laid motionlessly within her own, “there’s no change. The doctors say she’s stable, which is something I suppose, but I-,” she sighs, “it’s getting harder to prevent the doubt from seeping in.”
There’s sympathy within the boys’ eyes, but there’s also anger that she knows is directed towards their own selves. Sweet Pea shakes his head, “it’s not fair, it’s not right. T’s been through so much and now she’s finally happy this happens and she’s left lying in hospital, it's just not fair.”
Cheryl lifts her gaze to Toni’s face as her brow creases. He’s right, it’s not fair. But Cheryl knows that if anyone can get through this it’s Toni. Her lips twist upwards in a small sorrow filled smile and she sighs heavily, “it’s not fair you’re right, but TT’s a valiant fighter, she’s the toughest person I know, and if anyone can come back from this, it’s her.”
Fangs’ eyes begin to water and he speaks in a voice ebbed in anger and flowing with regret and it’s clear that he blames himself for Toni’s predicament, “we didn’t realise it was as bad as it was. We thought it was just a surface wound you know, we thought it was a nick and she was just in shock but fuck it wouldn’t stop bleeding and she dropped out of conciousness and and we realised it was so much worse than we thought and god we should have known. We should have done more-” he trails off from his distressed rambling as a tear falls down his cheek.
From the way Sweet Pea is clenching his fist, it’s clear his thoughts echo the same sentiments as Fangs’ words. Cheryl knows the boys are carrying the guilt of what’s happened to Toni on their shoulders. She’s aware that they feel immeasurable shame at the thought the girl they see as a sister is hurt, that they’ve failed to protect her.
Fangs swallows heavily before continuing, his voice thick with sorrow, “because what if- what if we’d have realised sooner? What if we’d have called an ambulance even though we knew they wouldn't have come? What if we-”
Cheryl cuts him off with a shake of her head, moving her gaze to meet Fangs’, whilst speaking in the most sincere voice she can muster. “You can’t think what if’s, okay? TT’s strong, unbelievably so, and she’ll pull through, I just know it. But you can’t beat yourself up over this, you did all you could, all three of you. And besides, you heard what Dr Greene said, if it weren’t for you three getting ma cheriè here when you did…”
This time it’s she who trails off, unable to bear the thought of what could have been.
No, she can’t think like that, won’t think like that.
Toni’s going to be okay, she is.
She has to be.
Sweet Pea shifts in his seat. His eyes are red and tired and it’s obvious he’s not been sleeping. But then again, Cheryl’s not sure any of them have. His tone is one of distress, “but if we’d have realised sooner, if we’d have gotten her help sooner she might not be lying here like this. It felt like hours but we were actually only there for like ten minutes, but what if it was ten minutes too long and, and what if it’s my fault and I-”
Cheryl interrupts him, her voice filled with as much certainty as she can find within herself, “it’s not your fault, either of you, or Jughead. Nor is it Toni’s fault. The only one to blame here is the Ghoul that did this to her, okay? You all did the best you could, and I know you fault yourselves. I know it's easy to feel guilty and think this is on you, but I know TT wouldn’t want that for you. I know for certain that when she wakes up, mon tresor will place no blame on you, and, I don’t know how much it counts for, but I don’t either.”
A quiet falls over them, the only sound being the beeping from Toni’s heart monitor. None of them say it, but they all find solace in its steady rhythm.
After a while, Sweet Pea speaks in a gentle voice, “I’m glad she has you Red, really. I know when we first met things weren’t great between us for obvious reasons, and I know it took a little while for us to warm up to each other, but I’m glad we have.”
In all honesty, Cheryl’s rather taken aback by his words. A feeble smile makes its way across her lips as her eyes fall to Toni’s face, “I really do love her. Toni, she’s something special, something to be treasured, and I promise the both of you that no matter what, I always will.”
She reaches out to run her fingers ever so carefully through pink locks and is helpless to fight back the tears that spring in her eyes.
In her periphery she sees Fangs nod, his gaze also on Toni’s face, “we know, and I speak for the both of us when I say I hope you know that we’re here for you Cheryl. Toni’s a sister to us, she’s family. And she never quite realises just how important she is to people, she never sees how much she means to those around her, but it's clear to anyone with eyes how much you care for her.”
Sweet Pea nods sombrely and Fangs reaches out to place his hand on Toni’s arm gently before sighing and looking up at the redhead opposite him. “I know you’re scared for her, we are too, but T’s a fighter. She’s going to be okay, I believe that, and I know you do too. After all you’ve been through together, all you’ve both endured to get to where you are now, I know she’s not going to let anything keep her from you.”
Fangs pulls his hand back from Toni’s arm and his lips twist upwards in a small, knowing smile, “I’ve seen what it looks like when Toni fights for those she loves and I’ve seen what it looks like when she fights for you. She’s gonna get through this, I know she is.”
The redhead feels Fangs’ words strike her core. Their profoundness and the ardent sincerity in which he speaks resonates within her chest, chipping away ever so slightly at the fear encasing her heart.
Cheryl’s eyes lift from Toni’s face to meet Fangs’ as a well of emotion swells in her chest. She finds herself unable to quite find the words to reply, and so instead sends him a teary smile, hoping it says all she cannot.
Dropping her gaze back to Toni’s face, Cheryl finds herself falling into her usual habit of scouring for any kind of change, any movement or indication that her love is returning to them.
Seeing none, she sighs disheartenedly.
The words of fear truth slip from her mouth before she can stop them, “I’m just so frightfully terrified. My mind keeps replaying that night and I- I can’t lose her, I just- I can’t, and I’m so scared that I’m going to.” Tears threaten to spill down her cheeks but she battles to keep them at bay.
It’s Sweet Pea who replies, his voice quiet yet certain, “you’re not going to Red, you’re not going to lose her, we’re not going to lose her. Fangs is right, T’s a fighter and she’s gonna get through this. And in the meantime it’s just a waiting game, but you’re not doing this alone okay? Fangs and I are here, we’ll get through this together and then when Tiny is back with us we’ll get her recovered together.”
At Sweet Pea’s words, Cheryl’s tears fall and she sends him an appreciative smile as she wipes them away.
They sit in contented quiet once more, but it’s not long before Cheryl finds herself once again succumbing to a moment of honesty. She speaks in a soft sincerity, her tone laced with guilt, “for the record, I am deeply, truly sorry for what I said and how I acted before, towards the Serpents, and thus you both. I held a certain hostility towards you for an action committed by one man, and well, I suppose my upbringing resulted in me following in certain archaic attitudes. But I hope you know I don’t think like that, not anymore, and I am thankful that I know better. I’m thankful that I now have a place alongside you, and that hopefully you both might just consider us to be friends.”
Fangs chuckles, his eyes shining, “it’s all good Cheryl, honestly. We get it, and we don’t hold you to any ill will, as you might say. I for one am just glad T managed to work her way through your defences.”
Cheryl looks down at her love, an endearing smile toying on her lips, “TT has that effect. There’s this sweetness and charm about her that makes you can’t help but open up to her. She makes me want to do better, to be better. And in truth not only for myself, but also for her. She makes me want to be someone she’s proud to love.”
Sweet Pea’s lips twist upwards knowingly, “she is Red, anyone with eyes can see it. T brings out the good in people, brings out the best in them. It’s just part of who she is. And what you said about being sorry for before, it’s cool. And besides, it’s not like we didn’t give you a hard time back. But like Fangs said, I’m glad Tiny brought you around, I’m glad she has you. T’s like our sister and the both of us want to protect her and want the best for her, and we know that you want that too.”
Cheryl runs her hand through Toni’s hair gently before sending both Fangs and Sweet Pea a watery smile, “I do, I want the best for her, no matter what.”
The boys stay for a while longer, chatting idly with Cheryl and telling stories of Toni and the mischief they used to get up to. After a few hours they take their leave, telling Cheryl they’ll be back tomorrow and reminding her they’re but a message away should she need them.
The evening settles in and after taking a trip to the hospital cafeteria in search of some form of dinner, having run out of the snacks Josie had brought with her yesterday, Cheryl returns to her newfound residence at Toni’s bedside.
She sits quietly for a while, holding her love’s hand and simply taking the image of her in. Her gaze flits over the peaceful look on her face to the shallow rise and fall of her chest, and Cheryl feels the emotions she’s been pushing down begin to bubble to the surface.
She blinks away the tears threatening to fall and turns her attention to the bag Fangs and Sweet Pea had brought with them, or rather the contents of which and the specific item she’d requested they bring.
She stands with a heavy sigh and makes her way over to the table by the window where Sweet Pea had left said bag. As she reaches for the zip, Cheryl pauses and takes a moment to look out the window, noticing the rather beautiful summer sunset glowing across the sky. A tear trickles down her cheek as her mind turns to memory of her and Toni going to Sweetwater River to watch the sunset last week, and she wonders if that’s something they’ll ever do again.
No, she can’t think like that, won’t think like that. Toni’s going to be alright, she’s going to wake up. Her love’s body just needs to heal itself and then she’ll be back with her in no time.
She has to be.
Cheryl turns her focus back to the bag and unzips it carefully, a breathy chuckle ghosting from her lips as she sees what she’s looking for. She lifts it from the bag carefully and makes her way back over to her girlfriend’s bedside.
When she speaks, her voice is gentle and her tone soft, as if she’s afraid that talking any louder will cause her love disturbance from her healing. “I uhh, I brought someone to see you TT. He’s been missing you greatly since you’ve been here.”
Looking down at the item in her hands, a smile breaks out across her face.
Nigel.
Cheryl runs her thumb across the soft fur of his tummy before leaning down and tucking him in gently into Toni’s chest under the covers. Her heart warms at the sight before her, two friends reunited. “Nigel’s been feeling rather lost without you my love, as have I to be truthful, and so I thought- I thought that maybe having him here with you might help.”
Cheryl feels almost silly as she speaks, rambling nervously as if to justify her actions even though she knows that, were Toni awake, her girlfriend would be nothing less than ecstatic at his presence. “I remembered you telling me the story of how your mom let you cuddle Nigel when you had appendicitis as a child and you saying how she’d promised you he would keep you safe.”
She feels her lips twist upwards endearingly at the mental image of a young Toni clinging onto the bunny. “I know he brings great comfort to you TT, that he makes you feel safe and protected, that he reminds you of your parents and that they’re looking down on you. And I hope that somehow you know he’s here ma cheriè, that somehow you feel his presence, and mine. I hope you know that we’re right here, right by your side and that you’re not alone TT and you never will be, for Nigel and I are here, waiting patiently until you can come back to us.”
Cheryl nods resolutely to herself, swallowing thickly, “Nigel’s going to keep you safe baby, he’s going to watch over you, just like I know your Mom and Dad are, and they’re going to protect you until you can come back to me.” She re-tucks the bedcovers around Toni and Nigel, almost as if affirming to her girlfriend of her beloved bunny’s presence.
She sits for a while quietly watching her love, her heart aching at the image of Toni tucked up with Nigel in her hospital bed and how his presence makes her seem even smaller, even more fragile than she already appeared. She reaches out to stroke a pale finger against Toni’s cheek, mindful of the wires and tubes, and tears begin to well in her eyes.
Her gaze flits over Toni’s small frame and Cheryl knows that by now there isn’t an inch of her she hasn’t studied over this past week. She looks so peaceful, as if she’s simply sleeping, but Cheryl knows better. That, and the countless tubes and continual sounds of the machines serve as a constant reminder that her girlfriend’s slumber is far deeper than it appears.
A single tear breaks free from its hold and rolls down her cheek, however it doesn’t make it far before Cheryl’s hastily wiping it away. The ever growing storm of emotion that’s been brewing inside of her is growing bigger still, begging to be released from its barricade and be felt in its entirety.
Cheryl knows it won’t take much more until she’s no longer able to keep it at bay.
A knowing smile makes its way across her lips as she looks down at Toni, her watery eyes shining with affection and love. Reaching out to twist a pink lock between her fingers, she sighs breathily, “the boys are right, you know, you do bring out the best in people. You make people want to be good, because you're good. You show them the way, make them want to be good for you, because you deserve nothing less.”
Normally, when Cheryl bestows upon her sentiments of love and words of her perfection, Toni blushes and laughs with a bashful smile that warms the redhead’s very soul. But now, Toni remains motionless, lying dormant, just as she has since she was first brought in.
Just as Cheryl fears she will for a long time to come.
Her lip trembles and another stream of sorrow trickles down her cheek.
“Oh god Toni, I can’t do this without you.”
And just like that the dam inside her breaks.
No, not breaks.
Shatters.
Sobs heave from her chest and tears spill down her cheeks, dripping from her chin and pooling in tiny puddles of anguish on the floor. Despair pours from her as her heart cries out for the one it’s pledged itself to. Searching for something, anything, any kind of sign that its calling has been heard.
But there’s nothing.
Only the sound of the heart monitor’s slow steady beeps interchanged with Cheryl’s cries.
Toni looks so fragile. It seems as if all it would take is one touch and she’ll break into a hundred tiny pieces, and it’s not right. It’s not right that someone so strong, so resilient is reduced to lying motionless, fighting for her life because of a child whose circumstances have never allowed him to know better than to attack on sight.
Cries tear through her frame, her body overcome with crushing anguish. Cheryl’s more than aware that she can most likely be heard in the hallway outside Toni’s room, but she can’t find it in herself to care. She’s been holding this impending storm inside herself for so long and now her emotions are pouring out of her, she knows she won’t be able to stop them even if she wants to.
Because the person she loves is so badly hurt and there is nothing she can do to fix it, nothing she can do for the girl who has done so much for her.
She’s helpless to do anything for the one who holds her heart so tenderly, whilst bestowing her own within Cheryl’s doting grasp.
She tries to choke her words out through her sobs, her voice cracking at the sheer amount of despair rife within it, “you- you’re the embodiment of a-all that is good in this god forsaken world TT and I-I need you h-here. Baby I n-need you by my side. You’re the calm in my c-chaos, the light within the d-darkness in my mind and I-I can’t do this w-without you.”
She feels like she’s losing her mind as part of her heart is taken from her. As if she’s frantically trying to claw it back as it slips from her grasp and away into the nothingness.
Cheryl shakily leans forward in her seat to press her lips, free from their usual cherry red stain, against Toni’s forehead tenderly. She pours every last bit of love she holds for her girlfriend into it, as if this single kiss can somehow carry all she feels for the girl before her across the void and into the space in which Toni’s mind currently inhabits. That somehow her love for Toni is strong enough to cross through each and every realm until it finds her. That their bond suppasses all limitations and they’ll find each other no matter what may lie in their path.
What’s that Shakespeare quote? For stony limits cannot hold love out. And Cheryl knows that her love for Toni isn’t something that can be kept from either of them. Not after all they’ve endured already, not after all they’ve had to fight through to get to here.
Aware that her tears are still falling and not wanting them to drip onto Toni’s face, Cheryl pulls back reluctantly. She sniffles and tries to get a hold of herself, but it's as if now the barrier holding back the storm of her emotions has collapsed, there’s no stopping it from raging.
Another sob tears itself from her chest as her eyes flit between Toni’s face and the countless machines connected to her. She’s overcome with soul shattering anguish, as if all her fear and sorrow is sitting heavily on her chest and squeezing the very oxygen from her lungs. Her breath is shallow amidst her sobs, and it’s like there’s a thick fog of utter terror clouding over her and god it’s so hard to breathe.
Her voice is shaky when she speaks, her body trembling in misery, “I’ve never in my life b-been as terrified as I have been this p-past week, I’ve never felt such f-fear. It’s as if it’s s-seeped into my very core, like it’s t-thick in my lungs and it’s suffocating me. It’s like I can’t b-breathe without you TT, I c-can’t function without you. My bones ache at the thought of l-losing you Toni.”
She shakes her head as more tears fall and her lip quivers, “I’ve never felt this scared before. But then again, I’ve n-never felt the way I do about you for anyone before.”
Cheryl reaches forward to wrap Toni’s hand within both of her own before gently lifting it to her face and pressing her lips against the back of it.
It’s as if she’s clinging onto Toni in the same way that Toni is clinging onto life.
Cheryl pulls her love’s hand back from her kiss, but only just, and thus as she speaks her lips dance against her girlfriend’s skin. “I, I need you, Toni, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m not ashamed of how integral you are to me. You’re the most important person in my life TT, and I don’t- I don’t want to know what it’s like to be without you.”
Another cry erupts from her at the thought of a life without the pink haired girl in it. Her heart writhes in pain and torment as sorrow courses through her frame.
For a moment Cheryl just sits, desperately clinging onto Toni and letting her tears fall, allowing herself to fully give in to her emotions, to truly feel the despair and terror ebbing and flowing within her. She closes her eyes and holds Toni’s hand against her cheek, finding comfort in the faint warmth within it.
It’s as if she’s willing Toni to heal, urging her love to come back to her.
Patience has never been a virtue possessed by her after all.
No, Cheryl deals in chaos and grand extravagance, not calm and peacefulness. She was born into a family where money holds more value than blood and love is nothing more than a far fetched flight of fancy. She grew up knowing only of the reputation that preceded her and the consequences of any infringement of the heavy expectations weighing down on her shoulders.
And then Toni, caring, loving, perfect Toni, had come along and changed everything. She’d shown her that family is who you chose it to be and love is something deserved by everyone, even when the claws of the Blossoms had dug into her back and tried to keep it from her.
And now? Now the love of her life is laid fighting to keep the heart she adores so dearly beating, and even with the highest of reputations and all the money in the world, there’s nothing Cheryl can do to help her.
Inhaling sharply, Cheryl opens her eyes and releases one of her hands from around Toni’s to haphazardly wipe away her tears, however it’s pointless as more are instantly falling in their place.
She returns her hand to join her other in its encasement of her girlfriend’s own and her gaze falls upon Toni’s face once more. She can’t help the way her heart fractures at how Toni continues to remain lifeless and docile, for she’s always at Cheryl’s side with care and affection the instant something ails her, and now her heart is the most pained it’s ever been and Toni doesn’t even know.
A small, watery smile breaks out across Cheryl’s lips as she thinks back on the story of them, from its beginning to now, and how its chapters have forever rewritten the pages of the tale of her own life. “Oh gosh what a plot twist you were ma cheriè. You were something unexpected, something I wasn’t looking for and yet something I never wish to be without again.”
Her smile grows as she thinks of all they’ve done together, all they mean to each other and how they’re forever changed by it all. How their lives have become intertwined so intricately. “I wasn’t looking for you when you came into my life Toni, I was trying to simply find a way to make the days pass, to put one foot in front of the other and make it through, but then suddenly I looked up and there you were. There you were right in front of me with your warmth and your light, your sweetness and compassion, your love. And you saw me in all my chaos and sadness and wanted me anyway. And you made everything good again, you made me good again.”
Her heart pangs as she thinks of all Toni’s done for her, all she’s helped her with and gotten her through. “You helped me pick up the broken pieces of myself and found a way to heal and put them back together again. And even when they kept falling out of place you were still there.”
Her voice cracks, “a-and now, now you’re slipping away from me and I can’t do anything. I can’t do anything to help you heal your broken pieces other than sit here and wait.”
Rivers of sorrow continue to flow down Cheryl’s cheeks and the ache in her chest thrums. “There used to be a time when I couldn’t look to the future, when I didn’t have it in me to think past each day, and then you came into my life and I found myself looking ahead again. I started imagining how things could be. I began dreaming of a life outside of the hellish nightmare I’d been living in, picturing a life where I was living and not simply surviving through each day. I started dreaming of us, our future, the lives that lay ahead of us and all that’s waiting out there for us.”
Cheryl sighs as a voice in the back of her mind sneers that those dreams might just be over now.
No.
No.
They can’t be. Cheryl can’t accept that. She won’t let herself pay thought to the fears whispering in the back of her mind. Toni’s a fighter, she’s strong and tough and resilient and she’s going to get through this. She’s going to heal and wake up and come back to her.
She’s going to be okay.
She has to be.
For Cheryl can’t, no won’t, allow any other outcome.
But even so, she can’t help but feel the desperate need to remind her girlfriend of just how completely and irrevocably she adores her.
In spite of the storm of emotions raging inside her, Cheryl’s heart warms as she speaks. But then again, it always does when she’s voicing words of how utterly infatuated she is with Toni. “I love you Antoinette Topaz. I am so deeply, ardently, wholly in love with you, and god I just hope you know. I hope you know so that if I never get to tell you again how completely my heart beats for you, that your soul still knows how dear it is to mine.”
Cheryl descends into sobs once again. Gut wrenching cries filled with pain and fear tear from her chest, leaving nothing but utter despair in their wake.
She can’t cope with the thought of never being able to tell Toni of her love and watch her smile bashfully as a rosy blush creeps across her cheeks. She can’t fathom what it is to live a life without Toni by her side, without smelling her scent on her pillow and hearing her singing to the radio as she makes dinner. She can’t bear to think about what it would be like to return to Thistlehouse without the person who has made the once haunted building into a home.
No, don’t think like that, Toni’s going to be okay.
She’s going to wake up.
But even as she thinks it, Cheryl can sense the fear and doubt creeping in at the edge of her mind.
More tears spill from her eyes and Cheryl, still holding Toni’s hand against her cheek, clutches onto it as tightly as she dares. She closes her eyes and tries to find as much comfort as she can from the feeling of Toni’s hand within her own and the steady beeping of the heart monitor. She takes as much solace in the steady thrum as she can, each echoing pulse beating a reminder that Toni is still with her, still fighting.
When Cheryl speaks again her voice is weak. It’s raw and raspy from the cries that have ripped through her throat and she finds herself having to desperately try to steady the tremors within it. “I love you Toni, with every fibre of my being and atom of my body, so much so that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to wrap my head around just how much love there is in my body for you. I love you not only for all that you are and bring into this world, but for all that you’ve helped me become. And I- I don’t know who I’ll become without you baby, I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know a life without you in it TT. You make me the best version of myself because you make me strive everyday to be someone deserving of you and I-”
She falters, not quite able to bring herself to bring herself to think of the worst. Another sob erupts from her chest and more tears cascade down her cheeks, but Cheryl doesn’t have the care or energy to wipe them away. “You can’t leave this world yet Toni. You have so much left to do, so many things ahead of you. This world is better for having you in it my love, and I, I don't want to know what it is for it not to anymore. For you to be gone from this world so soon would be an affliction upon this earth of the greatest sorrow, and god TT please you have to wake up.”
Both of them have already known so much loss, dealt with so much anguish at the lives of those they love being taken from them too soon, Toni with her parents and Cheryl with Jason, and so for them to be in this situation, Toni clinging to life whilst Cheryl watches helplessly feels like some cruel trick. As if the universe is refusing to be done with them until it’s taken every last shred of happiness from their grasp.
Cheryl places Toni’s hand gently back on the bed and releases one of her own from its place around her love’s to soothe through Nigel’s fur, finding comfort in its softness and the knowledge that Toni finds security within it too. “Oh Nigel, it’s just not fucking fair. Why her? Why TT? Has she not been through enough? Has she not endured more than her fair share of life’s cruelties? Has the universe not dealt her a difficult enough hand already? I know the world works in mysterious ways and that it’s rare for anyone to understand why things happen the way they do, but god this is just so unfair.”
Another sob claws itself from her and her chest heaves with the effort of it, “you deserve better Toni, you deserve so much goddamn better.”
It’s not supposed to be like this.
She’s not supposed to be trying to find the words meant to be said across a lifetime. She’s not supposed to be preparing herself for having to speak decades worth of love and adoration for the girl before in case things take a turn for the worst.
How is she supposed to fit a lifetime of love, a lifetime of them into one singular moment?
How is she supposed to tell Toni of just how dear to her she is, how ardently and wholly her heart beats for her in but a page when she should have volumes to fill?
It’s just not right.
Cheryl’s tears continue to fall from raw, red eyes and Cheryl can feel her head beginning to pound from the force of which she’s crying. Her voice is hoarse, her throat feeling the effects of the sobs that have clawed their way through it, “you’re home to me Toni, you're where my soul belongs and my heart thrives. You’re my everything and I, I can’t lose you. The place in my heart I have for you is not one that can ever be known by any other, and oh god baby please don’t leave me.”
After a moment of attempting to steady her breathing, a sorrow filled smile ghosts across her lips as, ever the one for classic literature, a particular line comes to mind. “‘What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life?’ Words penned by the great George Eliot, or I should say Mary Evans, and I find myself agreeing with them TT. My soul will always be connected with yours, that I truly believe, but,” her smile falls and she shakes her head dejectedly, “to be without it, for my heart to be without yours, it’s a pain I wish to never know the grief of.”
Cheryl’s gaze drops to where she holds Toni’s hand within her own. It’s as if her touch is the only thing tethering her love to this world and stopping her from drifting over into the next. In truth she still can’t cope with the knowledge that she’d come so close to losing her, so close to having to know a world without Toni Topaz in it.
But then again, for a few moments she had lost her.
Twice.
Twice the soul she loves so deeply had been greeted by the ferryman ready to row her away down the river Styx, and twice Toni had stepped onto the boat.
But twice she’d stepped back off it again, fighting against the journey before her and to stay on this earth a little while longer.
However Toni’s still standing at the river’s edge, the water lapping at her feet and at any moment the love of Cheryl’s life could step forward and slip away into the depths. At any moment Toni could be gone from her forever, separated by a divide only able to be crossed once her own mortal body is ready to let go of its soul.
More tears fall and Cheryl’s head pounds from the ferocity of them. She can’t cope at the thought of losing Toni, of losing the one her heart beats for.
She gasps in a breath in an attempt to steady herself. Her vision is blurry but she knows it’s pointless to wipe away her tears for fresh ones will take their place as soon as she does. There’s so much affliction in her chest that she thinks it must be radiating from her, utter despair seeping from her body and into the suffocating air.
Her voice is thick with grief and Cheryl finds herself choking on her words as she bares her soul. “I-I want to say that it’s okay, that you can l-let go if you need to but I c-can't. I’m too selfish to ever say t-that to you. Toni, I need you. I need you with me. I- I can’t do this without you. S-Sweet Pea, Fangs, the others, they need you too, we all need you . A-and I w-want to be the kind of person that s-says it's okay and I understand if you need to stop fighting. But I, I'm not that person TT, and I don't understand and so I need you to fight. I need you to d-do whatever it takes to come back to me. I need you here Toni . I can’t be w-without you. Please baby, please just come back to me.”
It’s as if she can feel her anguish rife within the depths of her core. Even when Jason passed it didn’t hurt like this. “Losing JJ was like losing a part of myself, but to lose you would be to lose my heart entirely, to lose half of my soul, it’d be to lose everything. I don't care if it's selfish, I need you here, I need you in my life and so you have to fight Toni. You need to be here, you deserve to be here and I- if I could change spaces with you I would in a heartbeat. The world can’t lose you TT, I can’t lose you. You’re strong baby, I know you are and so please my love, you have to fight, with everything you have.”
Cheryl leans forward in her chair to rest her head on Toni’s shoulder and drapes her arm across her girlfriend’s stomach gently, mindful of the large bandage on her abdomen. Or rather what lies beneath it. The fur atop Nigel’s head tickles the tip of her nose and so she moves her head forward and buries her face into him fully, her heart aching when the scent that’s so undoubtedly Toni fills her nose.
Silent pleas fill her mind, desperate thoughts sent into the universe begging for any deity, any higher power to hear her and help. Imploring the universe to find someone to heal the girl that deserves so much more than it’s ever given her. After all, if someone out there had heard her childhood cries for love and care and sent her the most perfect of creations in the form of Toni Topaz, then maybe, just maybe, someone might hear her now.
When Cheryl speaks again, her words are muffled slightly by Nigel’s fur and her voice cracks as she repeats herself. Her tone is one of begging as she pleads desperately, “you can’t leave me TT, I need you in this world, your friends need you. Please baby, you have to fight, you have to wake up and come back to me. Please don’t leave me alone Toni, please don't make me do this without you.”
Cheryl finds herself slipping into a repetitive mantra, desperately wanting to believe that if she voices these words enough times they’ll break through into whichever place her girlfriend’s consciousness is currently residing in and Toni will return to her.
Eventually her words fade to a mere mumble as exhaustion takes over. After hours of crying Cheryl’s energy is depleted and she finds herself with no more words left to say. She feels heavy and numb, her body weighted down by the despair taking over her heart and in spite of the somewhat uncomfortableness of her position, she has neither the energy nor desire to move.
Cheryl finds comfort in the scent of her love carried within Nigel’s soft fur, of which her face is still buried in, and feels herself drifting off, lulled gently by the shallow rise and fall of Toni’s chest beneath her head.
With tears still drying on her cheeks, sleep takes Cheryl into its embrace and carries her away into slumber, filled with dreams of one most sweet in nature, of Toni.
---------------------
Another week passes and still there’s no change. Toni lays docile as ever, Nigel tucked against her chest as it rises and falls.
Cheryl’s only grown more disheartened as the days have passed. But it’s not that she doesn’t have every faith that Toni will come back to her, because she knows she will for her girlfriend is a valiant fighter and if anyone can come back from this it’s her. It’s just she can’t stop the voices of the past whispering words of her fears and worries. She can’t ignore the thoughts of ‘what if’ creeping into her mind, carried by anxieties of the universe deeming her unworthy of happiness.
But she tries to fight them, telling herself that this isn’t about her, it’s about Toni. And she is worthy of every last shred of happiness this world has to give.
It’s early evening and Cheryl’s standing with her arms folded as she stares out the open window of Toni’s room, lost in thought. She’s grateful for the warm summer air breezing through it, for she’s spent the last two weeks in this room, save for when others from the rest of the group have visited and dragged her outside to sit in the hospital garden whilst one of them stays to watch over Toni, and she’s rather thankful for the fresh air.
And it’s not that she’d change that for the world, she made Toni a promise that she’d be here by her side and she intends to keep it, it’s just she can’t help but feel sad for the pink haired girl lying in the bed a few feet behind her.
Summer is beginning to pass them by and Toni has yet to really experience it. And after how hard she’s worked this year, after all she’s dealt with alongside school - see rescuing her from the ghoulish hellscape that was the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, riot night and being kidnapped by Penny plus dealing with Fangs being shot, losing her home that she was barely allowed into in the first place, the upheaval from her sorry excuse of a school that was Southside High, all whilst the Black Hood, nee Hal Cooper, ran rampant - Cheryl feels that no one is more deserving of a break.
And yet instead of being allowed to relax and recuperate after a year of terror, instead of being allowed time to finally breath and enjoy herself, she’s left fighting to stay out of the grim reaper’s clutches.
The steady pulsing of the heart monitor echoes out the rhythm of Toni’s heartbeats and Cheryl tries to take comfort in its steadiness, tries to find solace in the fact it’s still beating at all. Especially considering there was a time that for a few moments it hadn’t.
Behind her Toni lies docile as ever, and were it not for the tubes and machines Cheryl would think her to be simply sleeping, resting in a peaceful slumber with her beloved bunny held close to her.
But Cheryl knows better, knows it’s not that simple.
She doesn’t even have to turn around to see the image of her girlfriend laid in the hospital bed, for it’s there in her mind every time she closes her eyes, as she knows it will remain for a long time to come.
Dr Greene had been in earlier to check on her and whilst she’d assured Cheryl that Toni is stable and everything is looking good, the redhead isn’t convinced.
For if that be so, why isn’t her love waking up? Why is she still lain comatose in this dreary hospital room instead of enjoying her summer?
Cheryl sighs as her attention is drawn to a couple making their way across the parking lot towards their car. She’s just about able to make out the figures of an older woman in a wheelchair being pushed by, presumably, her husband and smiles when she recognises that it’s Nancy who’d been staying in a room a few doors down from Toni’s.
Cheryl had gotten talking to her one afternoon a few days after Toni’s admittance when she’d been waiting in the hallway as the doctors ran some tests on her love. The two had struck up conversation and Cheryl had learnt that the seventy two year old was about to have a hip replacement.
As much as she’s happy to see Nancy be discharged, she can’t help but feel a bitter pang in her chest at the thought that others have come and gone and yet she’s still here. Toni’s still here.
And there’s no sign of that changing soon.
She knows it’s a waiting game, knows that her beloved will return when her body is healed and she’s ready, but Cheryl can’t stop herself from wishing for it to happen now.
It’s just not fair.
It’s not fair that the girl who deserves so much better than she’s been dealt is still facing hardship. It’s not fair that someone considered to be the human embodiment of sunshine itself is currently stuck in the dark with no light to guide her out of it.
It’s not fair that Toni’s left fighting for her life whilst the Ghoulie child that did this to her has gotten away with it.
Cheryl still remembers Sheriff Keller’s remorseful face when he’d told her that after a week of searching and asking Sweet Pea, Fangs, and Jughead all they could, they were none the wiser as to who had done such damage to her love.
Toni deserves so much better, deserves far more than this world appears to ever be willing to allow her to have, and it’s not right.
Cheryl finds herself falling deeper into her thoughts, picturing the ways she would be spending her days were it not for the Ghoulie child that nearly stole her love from her.
She thinks of warm summer afternoons with Toni driving down winding roads with the wind in her hair and music blasting, of evenings watching the sun set cozied by the fire in the grounds of Thistlehouse. Cheryl pictures days spent hanging with their friends and pool parties at Thornhill’s charred remains and not so secretly eyeing her girlfriend’s oh so perfect body as she sunbathes.
She thinks of all they would be doing, should be doing were they not here, Toni fighting for her life whilst Cheryl waits for her to wake.
She’s so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t see the movement behind her, doesn’t realise what’s happening.
A finger twitching.
Once.
Twice.
Eyelids blink open heavily and a quiet rasp drifts across the room, “N-Nigel?”
At first Cheryl thinks she’s imagined it, af if she’s wishing so hard for her girlfriend to come back to her that her mind has begun playing cruel tricks on her, taunting her with what it might be like for Toni to wake.
And then she hears that rasp again, “C-Cher?”
There’s no mistaking the realness of it, she would know that voice anywhere for it’s the very voice she’s been pleading to hear for the past two weeks.
Her eyes widen and she’s turning in an instant, shock clear across her face, “Toni?”
She’s met with the sight of the brown eyes that she’s spent days dreaming of and upon the realisation of what’s happening a sob erupts from her chest as she rushes over to Toni’s bedside, “oh my god, TT baby, you’re- you’re awake.”
Confusion paints itself across Toni’s features. Her brow furrows and eyes fill with uncertainty as she blinks sluggishly, clawing herself away from the unconscious state that’s held her within its clutches for the last two weeks.
“I-I…” Her voice is hoarse from disuse and it’s clear that she is yet to fully free her mind from its captor.
Toni’s eyes flit around the room amidst weighted blinks, taking in her unfamiliar surroundings, and her breathing begins to quicken, as too does the beeping of her heart monitor and Cheryl knows that her girlfriend is beginning to panic.
Placing one hand delicately on Toni’s arm and lifting the other to cup her cheek, Cheryl gently guides the waking girl to look at her. She tries to keep her voice calm and steady but is helpless to hide the way it shakes from the adrenaline running through her as she scrambles to speak, “you’re okay sweetheart, breathe TT you’re alright, I’m here, oh god baby you’re awake, you came back, you’re here.”
Cheryl’s vision blurs as tears spill down her cheeks, however these aren’t akin to the ones previously shed at Toni's bedside. No, these tears aren’t born of fear and despair, but sheer overwhelming euphoria.
After two painfully long weeks, Toni’s awake, she’s here.
Toni struggles to speak, her eyes glazed and her mind hazy, “Cher, where- I-”
Cheryl cuts her off, trying to soothe Toni’s growing panic, “you’re alright TT I promise you, I’m going to call for the doctor and I’ll explain everything but oh god, hi darling, you’re here.”
Cheryl removes her hand from Toni’s arm and reaches for the emergency call button, knowing in seconds one of the medical team will come rushing into her girlfriend's room.
Sure enough but a moment later the door is bursting open and Cheryl turns to meet the wide eyes of Dr Greene with a smile, “she’s- Toni’s awake.”
She watches as Dr Greene shifts her focus to the girl in the bed and her face softens into a warm smile. “Miss Topaz, I’m glad to see you’re back with us.”
Turning her focus back to Toni, Cheryl’s heart pangs when she sees how lost she seems. Her girlfriend looks smaller than ever as she looks around nervously and Cheryl can see that she’s now got her arm around Nigel and is clinging to him tightly. Her mind is clearly still hazy and she’s having trouble finding her bearings and getting the dots to connect. It’s as if she’s barely able to register everything around her, too overwhelmed with trying to take in her surroundings and figure out where she is and why. “I don’t- where.”
“It’s alright baby, you’re alright. You’re in the hospital TT, there was just a bit of an incident is all, and you got rather hurt, but you’re here now, you’re okay.” Cheryl removes her hand from Toni’s cheek to hold her hand, soothing her gently as Dr Greene makes her way to Toni’s other side, grabbing her chart as she goes.
Before Toni can reply, Dr Greene is speaking up, and holding a small light up to her eyes, “Miss Topaz please look into the light for me.”
Toni does so but it’s clear from the way she squints that it’s uncomfortable as Dr Greene shifts the light into her other eye before nodding and turning the light off and jotting something down on Toni’s chart.
Blinking heavily to try and remove the white spot from her vision, the pink haired girl frowns as she tries to process Cheryl’s words and decipher what she’s talking about. She speaks in a mumbled rasp, and it’s clear that it’s a struggle for her to talk, “wait Cher, the- the hospital?”
Cheryl takes a seat on the edge of her girlfriend’s bed as Dr Greene moves around them checking the machines and Toni’s vitals, knowing that right now it’s better her patient learns of what happened from someone she trusts, tests and checks can be done in a second after she’s gotten her bearings.
The redhead gives Toni’s hand a gentle squeeze and speaks softly, not wanting to add more stress to her with the information she’s about to give her, “do you remember the warehouse my love? Do you remember what happened?”
Toni frowns and pulls her lip between her teeth, searching her mind for any memory of a warehouse and in all honesty everything is so jumbled and she’s so confused and oh.
Oh.
Pain jolts through her stomach as her memories come flooding back, the Ghoulies, the knife, the searing pain in her stomach, her fear.
Toni’s breathing picks up and she tightens her grip around Cheryl’s hand as panic begins to take over. Cheryl lifts the hand not holding Toni’s to run tenderly through her hair to try and calm her. “It’s alright TT, you’re okay, you got hurt pretty badly baby is all, you gave us all a bit of a fright.”
“I- the knife, I-“
Cheryl smiles down at her with watery eyes, her hand still toying with pink locks, “shhh ma cheriè, it's okay, you’re here now.”
“What- what happened?” Toni’s almost afraid to know.
It’s Dr Greene who answers her, “well Miss Topaz, the injury sustained to your abdomen was very severe. The knife entered your abdominal cavity and was deep enough that it punctured your liver and as a result you suffered severe internal bleeding and your body went into shock. We gave you surgery in order to seal the lacerations and stop the bleeding, and also gave you a blood transfusion as a result of the blood loss you endured.” Dr Greene pauses to allow her patient time to take this information in.
Toni nods as she allows the doctor's words to sit in her mind and be processed. She remembers going to the warehouse, remembers the Ghoulies and the pain in her stomach, remembers Fangs holding her and the darkness taking hold of her, remembers her utter panic, remembers seeing her mom.
“I- my,” she tries to collect herself amidst her scrambled thoughts, “my mom, I saw her, at the warehouse, she, she held my hand, she spoke to me.”
Cheryl’s face drops as her chest pangs painfully at the realisation of what’d happened and how Toni’s mind had brought her mom to comfort her amidst its shocked state.
Dr Greene nods and jots a note down on Toni’s chart before turning her focus to her patient and speaking softly, “well it’s common that when someone’s brain suffers from oxygen deprivation, known as hypoxia, as you did accutley due to the severity of your internal bleeding, and especially in your case shock induced by trauma, their body releases certain pain-killing endorphins that can lead to very life-like visions.”
Toni frowns, “I, you're saying I hallucinated it?”
Dr Greene smiles sympathetically, “that’s not to say that what you saw didn't feel and seem very real.”
Toni frowns as she looks at the pained expression on her girlfriend’s face and tears falling down her cheeks. She takes in her usually flawless flowing locks instead tied in a haphazard bun and the way she’s dressed in clothes she usually refuses to be seen in outside Thistlehouse’s walls, including a hoodie that Toni knows belongs to her. Her eyes flit across her face and see how she looks paler than ever and her usually flawless skin now has dark marks of exhaustion under her eyes.
Realisation dawns and she meets Cheryl’s gaze, “it- it was bad, wasn’t it?”
She watches as Cheryl blinks away tears and looks down at their joined hands, unable to meet her eyes.
Dr Greene smiles sympathetically, “due to the amount of blood loss and therefore oxygen loss to your brain, coupled with your state of shock, your body entered into a comatose state.”
Toni’s eyes widen in shock, her mind racing to process her doctor’s words, “a c-coma? I was in a coma? How- how long?”
Cheryl inhales a shaky breath, scared that Toni’s becoming overwhelmed, and yet knowing that her girlfriend deserves to know. She lifts her eye line to meet her love’s and speaks softly, “two weeks,” more tears fall as she thinks about the agonising amount of time Toni’s been balancing on the tightrope between this world and the next, “two weeks and three days to be precise.”
Toni falters, “t-two weeks?”
Cheryl nods and Toni gaps, her eyes wide. Her brain is struggling to focus on all she’s being told, failing to comprehend that in reality it’s been two weeks since that night at the warehouse when it feels to her to have only been a matter of hours.
However even in her hazy state, as she looks into Cheryl’s eyes and sees a terror she hasn’t before, Toni knows there’s more to come, worse to come, “what- what is it, what else?”
Cheryl replies with watery eyes, knowing that she has to tell her love the truth but also scared for what this information could bring, “you- you crashed baby.”
A sob threatens to erupt from the redhead’s chest as her mind casts itself back to that night and she remembers the utter terror that she’d felt.
Toni’s eyes widen, her mind scrambling to take everything in, “I- what?”
Dr Greene speaks up once again gently, knowing that she needs to ease her patient into this information, “Miss Topaz-”
“Toni- please, i-it’s Toni.”
“Alright, Toni, during surgery,” she speaks slowly, allowing Toni’s mind a chance to hear her words, “due to the amount of trauma your body suffered and the deprivation of oxygen to your brain, it’s true that your heart did stop, twice. But we managed to bring you back-”
Toni cuts her off with a panicked voice, “I- I died?”
Her voice cracks and eyes brim with tears. She’s overwhelmed with what she’s being told and her mind struggles to comprehend everything. Tightening her grip around Nigel, Toni desperately tries to find comfort in having him with her and looks to Cheryl with shock filled eyes, tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Cher?” Toni’s voice is weak and Cheryl feels her heart ache at how lost and unsure she looks.
The redhead knows that Toni’s looking to her for answers and so she swallows thickly and squeezes her girlfriend’s hand as more tears of her own fall. “Yes TT, we did lose you, it's true.” She moves to once again stroke her fingers through pink locks as she tries to steady her voice, “but it was for but a moment and you came back, you came back to us and you’re here now and everything's okay. I promise baby, I promise that you’re okay.”
Cheryl moves her hand from Toni’s hair to cup her cheek and leans forward to rest her forehead against Toni’s own, not caring of Dr Greene’s presence, for her girlfriend’s need for comfort is more important. She presses her lips against Toni’s before pulling back and rubbing her thumb over her soft skin. “I know it’s scary baby, I know you’re overwhelmed, but I promise you that you’re okay.”
The fear and shock in Toni’s eyes softens as she finds comfort and security in her girlfriend, pressing her forehead closer to Cheryl’s and tightening her hold on her hand.
Her mind might be a hazy, scrambled mess and she may be completely overwhelmed by the information being said to her, but it doesn't matter because Cheryl is here and Toni knows that she won’t let anything happen to her.
The trust she has in her girlfriend is like no other, and so if Cheryl says that she’s okay, Toni believes her. If the girl before her is assured that everything is going to be alright, then Toni truly believes it will be.
There’s a knock at the door and Cheryl sees that it's Dr Roberts, one of the other resident doctors that’s often checked in on Toni during his rounds. Cheryl had grown rather fond of him, for the kindness of the older man rather reminds her of Fred Andrews and he’s offered her many words of support over the past two weeks.
Dr Greene informs the girls that they need to run some tests on Toni and asks if Cheryl wouldn’t mind stepping outside as they do so, informing her that they’ll only be a few minutes.
In spite of Toni’s apprehension, Cheryl agrees, assuring her love that she’ll be right outside the door and that she’s going to be fine in her absence.
Eventually Toni sighs and nods, letting go of Cheryl’s hand reluctantly as her girlfriend presses a kiss to her cheek before leaving the room.
As Cheryl closes the door to Toni’s room behind her, she releases a heavy sigh, still in disbelief that she’s awake. She smiles to herself, her eyes still watery with the sheer elation that Toni is no longer lost, she’s returned to her.
Taking a seat in one of the chairs in the hallway, she pulls her phone from her pocket and dials a number she’s ended up learning by heart over the last two weeks.
It only rings once before a deep voice is speaking, “Cheryl? Is everything alright, what’s happening? Is T okay?”
Taking in a deep breath, she releases a laugh, “Sweet Pea, she’s, Toni’s awake.”
There’s a pause before she hears Sweet Pea let out a noise described only as pure, utter joy and relief. “Wait what? Oh god, uhh okay, right, I’ll uhh, I’ll get Fangs and we’ll come down and see her in like an hour, just to give you time to get her settled and not overwhelm her and everything, and don’t worry about calling everyone else I’ll do that and-”
“Sweet Pea,” Cheryl cuts off his rambling, knowing he’s spiraling at the news of Toni’s awakening.
“Sorry it’s just…”
He trails off, but Cheryl knows what he’s trying to say, ‘I know, me too.”
The line goes quiet for a moment, both of them lost in their thoughts, but then Cheryl speaks in a whisper, “she came back to us Sweet Pea, she’s okay.”
He chuckles and she knows that his face is filled with a dopey smile, “I always knew she would Red.”
Cheryl talks with Sweet Pea for a little while longer until her attention is caught by Dr Greene and Dr Roberts leaving Toni’s room. She bids goodbye to her friend, and he affirms that he and Fangs will come to the hospital in an hour or so in order to give the both of them some time together first.
Cheryl hangs up as the doctors make their way over to her and she feels relief flood through her at their smiles. They inform her that Toni is stable and her vitals good, and that they plan to keep her in for a little while longer to assure she’s alright but she should be free to be discharged by the end of the week.
She thanks them profusely before heading back into Toni’s room, her lips twisting in a warm smile as she sees Toni holding Nigel to her chest as she stares out the window from her bed.
Being broken from her thoughts by Cheryl’s movement in the doorway, Toni turns to meet her eyes and watches as her girlfriend moves to take a seat on the edge of her bed.
She smiles as she looks up at the redhead through her lashes, “hi.”
Cheryl laughs and reaches to tuck an errant strand of pink behind her love’s ear, “hey yourself TT. How are you feeling?”
Toni shrugs, for in truth she’s not entirely sure.
On the one hand she’s overwhelmed by all she’s been told and is conscious of the dull throbbing in her stomach, knowing that the wound is going to leave a rather sizable scar.
Plus there’s the fact she’d died.
But then on the other hand she’s on some pretty good pain medication and she’s doing alright considering.
Toni’s conscious of the fact that she isn’t the one that’s been sitting watching their love lying unconscious for the last two weeks, not knowing when, or if, they’re going to wake up. “How are you?” Her voice is still raspy, as is to be expected after all she’s been through.
Cheryl’s eyes shine, “all better now you’re here.”
Toni frowns as she watches her girlfriend’s eyes brim with tears and her lip tremble.
Cheryl cups Toni’s face in her hands and leans down to press a kiss against her forehead, her eyes closing as she does and causing droplets of joy to run down her cheeks. “Oh god I’ve missed you so much my sweet.”
She pulls back with a sniffle before leaning forward to press a chaste kiss against Toni’s lips, something she’s been unable to do since her love was brought in and god has she missed the feeling of kissing her girlfriend.
It’s Toni who pulls back, reaching the hand not wrapped around her beloved bunny to cup her cheek and wipe Cheryl’s tears away with her thumb. “Oh Cher, don’t cry.”
“I’m not, well not sad tears anyway. I’m just so delighted that you’re awake TT, I don’t have the words to tell you how scared I was for you.” More tears fall as she thinks of the utter terror that’d taken hold of her for the past two weeks. “I just, I love you so very much Toni, and I don’t know what I’d do without you, I don’t know what I’d-”
Toni cuts her off before she can continue, “you don’t have to know Cher, I’m here and I’m okay.” She soothes her thumb across a pale cheek once more, “I promised you that I wouldn’t leave you, that I’d never let you be alone, and I intend to keep that promise.”
Cheryl leans down to capture Toni’s lips with her own once more and laughs as she feels her love tug against her to lie with her in the bed, and kicks her sneakers off before clambering in to join her.
It’s a tight squeeze and as Cheryl wraps her arms around Toni’s frame, the smaller girl ends up practically laying on top of her girlfriend with Nigel tucked in closely between their chests, but they make it work.
They lay in contented silence for a while, before Toni speaks up, “so uhh, Nigel’s here?”
Cheryl can hear the humour in Toni’s voice, but also of the appreciation there too. A blush creeps across her cheeks and she’s helpless to stop the way her words tumble from her mouth in a nervous ramble, “I know he brings you comfort TT and I wanted you to be as comfortable as possible. I haven’t forgotten the story you told me of how your mom told you he’d keep you safe and so I thought that Nigel could help me watch over you and protect you. I- I thought that maybe you’d sense him, that you’d know he was here and you’d know that you weren’t alone and that we were both with you, supporting you. I just, I love you and I want the best for you and I know Nigel reminds you of your parents and that he helps you and makes you feel safe, and so I thought that-”
Her words are cut off by Toni’s lips against hers and when she pulls back, a bashful smile toying at her mouth, “I appreciate it Cher, and I appreciate you.”
Cheryl captures her love’s lips again and they enjoy the moment.
Giving her one last chaste kiss, Toni pulls back with a yawn as she feels exhaustion take hold of her. It’s been just over an hour since she woke and she wonders how after being basically asleep for the last two weeks she’s still tired, but the emotional toll and overwhelmingness of said hour is clearly having an effect.
Cheryl pulls Toni close into her body, tightening her arm around her waist and smiles as her love rests her head on her chest with a contented sigh.
She presses a kiss atop pink locks and speaks softly, “rest baby, I’ll be here.”
Sleep is taking hold of Toni too quickly for her to form much more than a mumbled response, but she fights against it long enough to murmur a quiet, “I love you Cher,” before nestling into her girlfriend and falling completely into her slumber.
Cheryl smiles and closes her eyes, also feeling sleep find her after its elusiveness these past two weeks. She knows that the doctors won’t exactly be happy to find them both curled up together in Toni’s small bed, but right now she doesn't care. She finally has Toni in her arms after spending so long agonising that she might lose her, and nothing will be able to take that away from her.
------------------------
Four days after awakening had seen Toni discharged from hospital and allowed to return home.
It’s been two days since then and after nearly three weeks since ‘the incident’, her wound is now mostly healed and the stitches removed. When she’d changed her dressing the first day of her return home, Toni had joked that the scar from her appendix removal is now grandly upstaged, but Cheryl’s less than humored response had swiftly informed her that it was too soon.
Cheryl’s been taking care of her every need since they’d walked through Thistlehouse’s front door two days ago. Toni’s tried to protest but her girlfriend’s been having none of it. She still can’t quite get over how, after mentioning she hadn’t received a hospital bill, Cheryl had said she’d already taken care of it when she was discharged.
Toni had tried to argue it of course, not liking the feeling of someone paying out for her, but all it had taken was Cheryl making a comment of, “after all that’s happened between my family name and yours, paying your hospital bill is the least this money should be used for,” and Toni had dropped it.
Their friends have all sent her their well wishes and been to visit, either at the hospital or since she’s arrived home, and Toni is more than grateful for their support. She knows of how they’d looked out for Cheryl whilst she’d been unable to and helped her through, the boys, Veronica, Archie and Josie especially.
At present they’re cozied up on the sofa, finishing the episode of Orphan Black that they’d started that night. Toni is cured into Cheryl’s side, Nigel held against her chest, as the redhead sits with her feet propped up on the coffee table and macbook on her lap.
After spending three weeks of their summer stuck indoors, Toni had suggested that perhaps they take a roadtrip and go on an adventure, telling Cheryl that she wanted to “take some time away, just us two. I want to get away from this hell hole of a town, to just get on my bike and see where the roads take us.”
At first Cheryl had refused to even entertain the idea, perplexed at how after all that's happened Toni wanted to go off galavanting around the country when she should be taking it easy and relaxing in order for her body to heal. But after less than an hour of watching Toni pout, Cheryl had given in and now here they are, searching routes and making plans.
Cheryl smiles as she thinks of exploring little hole-in-the-wall places and walking down Santa Monica Pier hand in hand with Toni.
She’s brought from her musings by Toni laughing at the television and she can’t help the way her heart warms at the sound. She never thought there would have come a time where she would be left wondering if she might never hear her favourite sound again, but now that she has, Cheryl knows she will never again take it for granted.
Although as terrified as she had been, she’d always known deep down that Toni would come back to her, known that her sheer strength would bring her away from the grim reaper’s clutches.
And now, as they sit cuddled up together, with Nigel of course, planning their summer trip, Cheryl feels more content than ever. They have the rest of the summer ahead of them, and their lives beyond that. She knows that no matter what life throws at them they’ll always fight through it and find their way back to each other, that their souls are joined in a bond too strong to ever be parted, not even by the divide between this world and the next.
Cheryl knows that no matter what comes their way they’ll overcome it, as they have done so many times already. Their love is too special and themselves too strong to ever be kept apart.