Chapter Text
“Mingjue, could you please close the door?”
“Sure, Xichen.”
“And A-Yao, might I trouble you to prepare tea for the three of us? I love the way you make it.”
“No problem, Er-ge.”
“...”
“Hm. The tea’s not bad.”
“Was that a compliment, Da-ge? Or an insult? I couldn’t tell.”
“Take it however you want.”
“...Right.”
“I’m sure he meant it as a compliment, A-Yao— the tea is delicious, as always!”
“Thank you, Er-ge. I’m glad you like it.”
“...”
“So.”
“So?”
“Mingjue. A-Yao. How are we going to do this?”
“Do what, exactly?”
“Well, now that A-Yao’s been awake for a while, I had thought the three of us might… talk. And, uh... perhaps... do more than that as well?”
“You don’t have to blush so heavily at the suggestion, Meng Yao.”
“I feel inclined to point out that Da-ge is blushing as well.”
“I’m not!”
“Are too.”
“Must you both squabble like children?”
“...Yes.” “Yeah.”
“Hm. I suppose it’s inevitable. In any case, let’s talk first. I’ve been informed that we should start small. Communication is key, isn’t it? Let’s all tell each other two truths about ourselves.”
“Any two truths? That’s a low bar, Er-ge.”
“I’m aware of that. I’d still like us to start there. Why don’t you go first?”
“Fine. Well then, my truths are that I’m cold, and my stab wound still hurts.”
“Wow, look at you: complaining about being stabbed and paralyzed when you paralyzed me a few years ago at Langya—”
“To be fair, Da-ge, I stabbed myself in the chest then too.”
“That doesn’t make it any better!”
“Da-ge, we’ve had this argument before. Considering that my only other option was to kill you right there and take your severed head with me to Qishan, I think I did the best I could.”
“You could’ve chosen not to paralyze me!”
“Then you would have killed me. Or beaten me to within an inch of my life. I couldn’t risk that, not when I’d decided to infiltrate the Wens. You’d never have believed I was still on your side.”
“Hmph. You’re lucky I don’t just cut you down right now.”
“...I suppose I am.”
“Ahem. A-Yao, are you still cold?”
“Yes, Er-ge.”
“Then sit on the bed. And here you go.”
“Oh, a blanket, thank y— ah…! E— Er-ge!”
“...Too much?”
“…No, kissing’s fine. Just… not much more than that. You two go ahead, but not with me. Not yet. I want this to be something I can enjoy, instead of forcing myself to simply endure it like I’ve always had to in the past. I think, with you two, I can get there. But not yet. Sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize for that, A-Yao! Take your time, okay?”
“Thank you, Er-ge. I mean it.”
“Heh, you look like a worm, all wrapped up in your blanket on the bed like that.”
“Thanks, Da-ge. I’m ever so grateful for your unconditional support.”
“Alright, alright, stop glaring at each other, both of you! And I’ll go next.”
“Go next for what, Xichen?— Oh yeah, we were sharing truths.”
“Right! The two truths from me can be combined into one truth: I’ve loved you both for years now!”
“...”
“...Ah, what’s with this awkward silence?”
“Tell us more.”
“I think, for once, I agree with Da-ge.”
“Well... I’ve loved you, Mingjue, since we were children. I can’t even pinpoint the moment I started loving you, it’s just… always been a part of me. You were the only person who treated me like me, instead of just perfect Zewu-jun, eldest of the Twin Jades, heir to the Lan Sect. You acknowledged my faults, and I loved you for that. And then I started loving you for you.”
“Er-ge, look how red Da-ge’s face is. I think you’ve broken him.”
“Shut up, Meng Yao!”
“And I’ve loved A-Yao since… well, since I first saw you, I think. When I was covered in burn wounds and dying in Yunping, you found me and nursed me back to health. When I hit the depths of despair after hearing what happened in Gusu, you were there for me. Although, now that I think about it, I didn’t realize I loved you in that way until you sent me that letter during Sunshot...”
“Really? Which letter, Er-ge? I sent one with every map.”
“What the hell, Meng Yao! You were sending Xichen romantic letters along with all that tactical information?!? From within the Fire Palace?!?”
“Well, no. None of it was even remotely romantic. Each letter informed him of my plans and contained hidden clues that only Er-ge would understand, so that he could be assured the sender was me. I can’t see how one of those would have forced out Er-ge’s feelings. Which letter was it, Er-ge?”
“It was the— the last one.”
“...Ah.”
“Hey, don’t leave me in the dark here; what did the letter say!?”
“Nothing special, but I see why it might have distressed Er-ge.”
“It— it looked like it was written in a hurry, and bloodstains speckled one corner. It informed me very cryptically that A-Yao would be taking a substantial risk soon, and if it failed, I’d never see him or Mingjue again. I realized… I realized I wanted so badly to see you again, A-Yao. I hadn’t done enough to thank you, but it felt like I was betraying Mingjue every time I thought about you, because I loved Mingjue as well and he… well, he hated you. And I couldn’t stand that, and the fear that both of you might die hit me hard, so I went to Mingjue for comfort and we… you know...”
“...So that was when you slept with Da-ge, was it? I must admit, I expected the setup for that incident to be a lot more romantic.”
“No, actually, that explains a lot. You know, I think now I get why you left before I could wake up, Xichen.”
“Yes. I… I left on impulse because I was afraid I had used you. Yet, leaving was the worst decision I could have made, because after that I was not only scared I would lose both of you, I was also scared that I had forced you into something you hadn’t wanted. And that you would die resenting me.”
“Well, I can assure you that I definitely wanted it. Hell, Xichen, I thought I’d taken advantage of you.”
“You didn’t! I started it, I promise! In any case, you showed no signs of reciprocating afterwards. So I… I never brought it up again.”
“You should have.”
“I know that now.”
“...”
“Da-ge, you haven’t shared your two truths.”
“Don’t rush me, Meng Yao, I’m thinking.”
“While Mingjue is thinking: tell me, A-Yao, where will that young lad be staying while his mother is imprisoned?”
“Xuanyu? He asked to live in my safe house for a while. And Huaisang has convinced him to visit Qinghe with his mother once she’s released from prison.”
“Hmph. Xuanyu and Huaisang…”
“You think Xuanyu’s a bad influence on Huaisang, Mingjue?”
“Nope. I think Huaisang’s a bad influence on Xuanyu.”
“Da-ge, I can promise you that the man currently living in my safe house is a worse influence than both of them. But A-Yu won’t be dissuaded from living there. I’ve tried.”
“Perhaps the two bad influences of different natures will somehow cancel each other out?”
“I can only hope so, for A-Yu’s sake.”
“By the way, what happened to Wen Qing? I haven’t seen her around today, is she alright?”
“Why, Da-ge, are you concerned for her? For a Wen? I must be dreaming: Er-ge, pinch me.”
“Shut up, Meng Yao.”
“She left earlier, Mingjue. Elders of the Jin sect wished to imprison her immediately, pending trial and execution, but Jin Zixuan— or should I say, Acting Sect Leader Jin— argued strenuously in her favor. I think he wished to redeem himself, since he was the one who accidentally revealed her identity. The Jiang siblings spoke in her favor as well, which certainly helped. Tensions are still rising between Carp Tower and the Burial Mounds. However, this tentative truce should soothe the Jin sect’s collective temper, at least for a bit.”
“You think so? Jin Zixun still seemed pissed.”
“He’s still under that terrible curse, isn’t he? I understand why he’s angry— it seems no one knows who cursed him.”
“Er-ge, I… might know who cursed him.”
“What!? Who?”
“Meng Yao. Don’t tell me you were the one who cursed him—”
“It wasn’t me, I promise! I won’t say who I think it is right now, but you can rest assured that I’ll be having a nice chat with him about using curses like this on a whim… After all, there are more efficient, less perilous ways to get one’s revenge.”
“A-Yao, please don’t tell me you’re planning a revenge scheme of your own. Can I convince you to forgive Jin Zixun and your father?”
“You can certainly try, Er-ge. In any case, to answer Da-ge’s earlier question in full: Lan Wangji is escorting Wen Qing and Wen Yuan back to the Burial Mounds right now.”
“Ah. That’s… that’s good to hear.”
“No doubt Wangji is looking forward to visiting the Yiling Patriarch. Although I couldn’t help but notice that he seemed quite attached to Wen Yuan as well.”
“Hah, that’s right, Wangji was ridiculously attached to that kid right from the beginning! Xichen, you should have seen your brother’s face when Wen Qing suggested I think of the kid as ‘Lan Yuan.’ He actually showed emotion.”
“Oh? But that isn’t so special— Wangji always wears his heart on his sleeve.”
“...”
“...I’ll never understand how you can read him, Xichen.”
“It’s a skill born from years of proximity, I suppose. Yet I always find myself surprised that no one else notices— his expressions may be minute, but they’re so revealing! Oh, and speaking of hidden emotions… Maiden Jiang and A-Yao’s dear half-brother…”
“What about them?”
“So you haven’t heard, Mingjue? Well, they’re keeping it as much of a secret as they can, but I suppose there’s no harm in telling you. Maiden Jiang is pregnant! That’s why they’re moving up the wedding, although I’m sure they’ll tell everyone it’s to avoid a conflict with Sect Leader Jin’s trial.”
“Whoa. Congrats to the happy couple. A bit overzealous, aren’t they?”
“Er-ge. You’re gossipping. What happened to ‘Rule #586: Gossip is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses?’”
“Ah, but I’m not in the Cloud Recesses at the moment, am I, A-Yao?”
“Er-ge…”
“Ah, I love it when you pout like that! Doesn’t he look cute, Mingjue?”
“Er-ge!”
“I... don’t disagree.”
“You too, Da-ge? I’m disappointed.”
“Mhm. Anything to get on your nerves. Hey… after what you said, Xichen, it just occurred to me… wasn’t Jiang Yanli kicked in the stomach while Meng Yao was knocked out?”
“She was? Er-ge, why didn’t you tell me that?! Is she—”
“She’s fine, and so is the baby. Zixuan had the Carp Tower nurses conduct a thorough examination. He isn’t even a father yet and he’s already so overprotective!”
“Better than our father.”
“...A-Yao.”
“Jin Guangshan’s in jail, where he belongs, Meng Yao. You don’t have to worry about him or what he thinks. Although, that reminds me: we still have no idea why he targeted Xichen instead of me.”
“I’m not sure why he chose Er-ge either. No offense, Da-ge, but you’re the easier target. If I had to pick, I’d choose to kill you— everyone knows you’ll suffer a qi deviation someday, so no one would even suspect a qi poison if it was applied slowly enough.”
“Uh huh. You sure sound like you’ve put a lot of thought into this, Meng Yao.”
“...You asked for honesty from me. This is what you get.”
“Eh. Fair enough. As long as you haven't thought about going through with it.”
“...I don’t anticipate needing to. Not anymore, Da-ge. You may not be able to trust me just yet, but… I… I think I might.”
“You know, I’m extremely glad to see you two getting along. You seemed to hate each other before. And that is, in fact, why I believe Jin Guangshan switched targets.”
“Because I hated Meng Yao? Then, if he was going to frame Meng Yao, shouldn’t he still have attacked me?”
“Ah. No, I think I understand what Er-ge’s getting at. You see, if you were poisoned, he would have had a hard time going after me, because Er-ge would have defended me immediately. But when Er-ge was poisoned…”
“...You lost the only person who would have spoken for you.”
“...”
“Alright. That’s enough thinking. I’ve got a truth to share.”
“Go ahead, Mingjue.”
“Okay. Meng Yao.”
“Yes?”
“What you did in the war… I still don’t agree with your methods. But… some of it... was necessary. Admirable, even. I think… a very small part of me might have been jealous.”
“...Jealous, Da-ge? Of me?”
“Not of your methods, but of the result. You see, everyone knew I was meant to kill Wen Ruohan. It was revenge for my father’s death. It was the reason I trained so hard; the reason I let my saber devour my conscience. It was the reason I conquered battlefield after battlefield. I was good at it. I was confident. And in the end—”
“I killed him.”
“...Yeah. And what’s worse is: I fought him on that day, remember? I was powerless. He swept me aside like a piece of trash! I realized at once that, no matter how hard I fought, no matter how hard I trained, I’d never be able to defeat him. He had a hundred years of energy and experience. I was in my twenties, and I’d be lucky if I got to live another decade.”
“...Mingjue, please, don’t say that—”
“It’s true. But Xichen, hold on, let me finish. Meng Yao, I’m… sorry for how I’ve treated you. I still don’t agree with your actions. And you need some work on your morals— I don’t think every single one of those murders was necessary—“
”Touché.”
“—but someone recently convinced me that I should have at least tried to understand why you did what you did.”
“You’re… apologizing to me?”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t expect that.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m just full of surprises, aren’t I?”
“…Da-ge, I... I still haven’t been completely honest with you.”
“Alright. I should have expected that. Say it now, then.”
“My... My father has been asking me to kill you for months now.”
“What!? A-Yao, why—?”
“I’ve been keeping him occupied by killing his other political enemies instead. Last week, though, his patience snapped. He made it an official demand. ‘Remove Nie Mingjue, and the Nie sect will fall from power. The Jiang sect is weak. The Lan sect alone cannot stand up to us, and so the Jin sect will reign supreme for a hundred years more.’ That’s what he said.”
“You’re kidding me. I can’t believe that fucker would—”
“I’m not done. Last week, when he demanded your death, I had no choice. That was when I told him about the poison. And… I accepted. I said I would kill you, Da-ge.”
“WHAT!? What the fuck, Meng Yao!? How could you—”
“Wait, wait, Mingjue, calm down—”
“You— how could you!? How could you turn on me like that? I was so ready to trust you again; like some kind of fucking fool—”
“Da-ge, no! You misunderstand me—”
“Is that what you told your commander at Langya before you killed him too? I fucking knew it. You haven’t changed since the Sunshot Campaign, have you? You committed all those crimes; you tortured and killed all those people; for nothing more than your personal gain!”
“No! Not only that, I needed to—”
“You’ve been playing with us all this time, and I bet you fucking enjoyed it. I should never have made you my deputy, Jin Guangyao! I should have left you to rot, and you would have deserved it!”
“Mingjue, stop.”
“...”
“A-Yao, he didn’t mean it like that—”
“No, Er-ge, he’s right. In a way.”
“...Would you truly have done it? A-Yao, would you have gone through with it?”
“Then? I don’t know. Either of us might have killed the other. But... that was in the past. I wouldn’t anymore. Not now that I understand Da-ge; not now that he’s put himself on the line to save me; not now that I’ve realized I might love him.”
“…Oh.”
“Da-ge. For once, please. Listen to me. Like you promised.”
“...I’m listening.”
“You always berate me for my crimes. But the Sunshot Campaign was a war. Prisoners brought to the Nightless City were beyond hope already. Without me there, they would have been tortured slowly, forced to give up every iota of information they held— troop positions, command structure, you name it. And yes, sometimes, to keep up my charade, I had to go along with it, to extract information the way my role required. However, most of the time, I was able to at least give the prisoners a quick death. I killed them, and then maimed their bodies, so that Wen Ruohan wouldn’t suspect me. I obfuscated information whenever possible. Ever so rarely, when the opportunity presented itself, I helped prisoners escape.”
“Meng Yao... Is that true?”
“That name. You call me by that name now and I recall the days I spent at your side in Hejian. Despite everything, I still relish those memories. Thank you.
“But that was also the name my prisoners screamed at me as they were being flogged. Meng Yao, the traitor. Meng Yao, the torturer. I can still hear them if I think about it… but I was willing to do anything to become a war hero; to get my father to recognize me. I can’t deny that. And I can’t deny that I was glad to kill some of them: the ones who had spat on me as I served them tea in Hejian, the ones who had jeered and called me whore-son in Qishan, the ones who ordered me beaten when I tried to take credit for my own damn strategies in Langya. I remembered each of their faces. They deserved what they got. I relished their deaths.”
“A-Yao…”
“Don’t look at me like that, Er-ge. I’m not… not quite the angel you thought I was.
“But, Da-ge, I’m not the devil you thought I was either.
“Many of my victims I took no pleasure in killing. How could I, when they begged and pleaded for me to spare them? Some had even been kind to me when we served together against the Wens. And yet, if I acquiesced, if I relented, not only would I be ruthlessly disposed of, the entire war would be lost. Wen Ruohan was nearly invincible; I knew that better than anyone else. Subterfuge was the only way out. I had to believe that I was different than those I killed, that I was better, because how else could I— how could I make the decision that destroying these few lives was worth saving thousands more? How else could I keep up the act?”
“A-Yao… A-Yao, you’re shivering! Is your injury acting up? You don’t have to continue if you’re not feeling well…”
“Meng Yao, it’s alright, you can stop now. I get what you’re trying to say. Don’t force yourself to—”
“And do you know the worst part? The worst part is that I still remember all of it. I remember every single one of their faces; I remember every second of what they said and how they wept and how they looked when they could no longer speak. I remember the times Wen soldiers had their way with me when I was weakened after recovering from an injury, when I couldn’t protest. I remember so well the feeling of soft resistance as my blade cut others’ flesh and as others’ blades cut my flesh. I remember the pain. It drives me crazy: the level of detail at which I remember it all. And… and… no matter what I do, I can’t— I can’t forget.”
“Oh, A-Yao.”
“I’m sorry, Da-ge. I’m— I’m sorry, Er-ge.”
“A-Yao, no, don’t apologize! It’s okay to break down— we’re here for you. We’ll make more memories and do our best to overwrite the other ones, I promise!”
“...I said I wanted honesty from you, Meng Yao; I should have been prepared to hear it. And don’t you dare start thinking you need to keep that mask of yours on around us all the time, either. I don’t expect you to be perfect. I’ve never expected that, not even when I was a general and you were the best damn deputy I’ve ever worked with. I don’t need you to be someone else. I just want you.”
“...da-ge…”
“You’re still shivering, Meng Yao. ...Can I hold you?”
“...mn.”
“Okay. I’ll get up behind you on the bed. Xichen, you help me settle him in my lap so I can wrap the blanket around both of us.”
“Of course! Give me one moment.”
“...”
“Thank you, both of you. Da-ge... you’re… so warm…”
“...”
“A-Yao? Feeling better?”
“I think he fell asleep.”
“Ah. You both look so comfortable like that…”
“There’s space for you too, you know.”
“In your lap? Now, Mingjue, I know you’re a large man, but even you must have your limits.”
“Quit joking and come sit next to me on the bed. I've only shared one truth so far, right? Here's the other one: There’s… ahem. There’s always room for you at my side, Lan Huan.”
“Mingjue! I... That's so... You know, I do believe that’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever said to— mnh—! ...”
“...Consider that payback for the kiss you gave Meng Yao.”
“Oh? Then I think I’d like a bit more payback, if it’s all the same to you!”
“Fine by me. Come here.”
“Gladly!”