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"It’s peaceful here.” Steve said, looking out over the pond in Tony’s backyard. The sunset was reflecting off it, making it look like there were two orange and pink skies, as the sun slowly slipped behind the horizon. It looked like a painting. “Quiet.”
Tony hummed in agreement, sitting in the rocking chair beside Steve with Morgan cradled close to his chest. “It is. Nothing like New York. Or Malibu. Or pretty much any other place I’ve lived.”
Steve nodded “Does it not bother you, the quiet?” He wouldn’t have ever taken Tony- energetic, brash, and most of all a city boy, for the type to buy a house in the woods. But, then again, that was still the Tony that Steve had met on the helicarrier all those years ago, that Steve was thinking of. The media Tony. Not the father and hero and friend beside him. That wasn’t even the real Tony, Steve knew. The one who flew the nuke into a wormhole was Tony- Steve just took a while to realize it.
“I thought it might.” Tony admitted “And it kinda did, at first. Reminded me too much of.. “
Tony trailed off and Steve knew Tony well enough to fill in the blanks. Too much of outer space. Too much like a cave. Steve got it. Sometimes the quiet reminded him of the ice.
“Well, I wasn’t a fan of it at first” Tony continued, pulling his mind back from wherever it had wandered to. But, the quiet came with good things like birds and long walks. Ugh I sound like a hippie. I got used to it though. Then this little stinker came along, and there isn’t much silence anymore.”
As if on cue Morgan stirred, blinking her wide eyes up at Steve, who smiled at her. Morgan was precious.
Tony grinned “Hey Morg, go see Uncle Steve.” He didn’t let Steve even protest there was a baby on his chest.
Morgan was an average sized baby, Steve was sure, but she seemed so small, resting on his chest. She was bigger than the day she was born, but still so small sTeve could practically hold her in one hand. He cradled her close and the baby genius- because what else could Tony and Pepper’s child be?- gurgled slightly, before falling back asleep. Steve knew this wasn’t his child but the amount of love and protectiveness that swelled in him would have knocked him over if he had been standing. Steve had never particularly wanted kids but Morgan was almost enough to make him change his mind.
“She has that effect.” Tony said knowingly, snapping Steve from his thoughts. He was pretty sure he could hear a note of pride in Tony’s voice “But she likes her uncle Steve.”
“I sure hope she does. I am her best uncle afterall.” Steve shifted Morgan slightly “Isn’t that right.”
Morgan rewarded him with a tiny huff of air and Steve’s heart twisted again with the sheer amount of cuteness that a tiny human could produce.
“I’m taking that as a yes.”
“I think Thor might fight you for that title.” Tony teased.
Steve huffed “A fight I’d gladly take for top Uncle.”
They fell into a companionable silence. The quiet was eerie to Steve. Even in the compound there was always movement. Things were just so still. Even the birds seemed to be asleep in the late night air.
“I used to want this, you know.” Steve said suddenly. The realziation surprised him almost as much as his own admission did. It had been nearly tow years since he;d told Tony that he no longer wanted this, but now... Tony only looked on expectantly. “During the war- I thought… I thought I’d go home with Peggy and make a life. Then I went in the ice 'and woke up in a world that only needed Captain America, not Steve Rogers. I thought that the world , that life, wasn’t for me anymore. Captain America couldn't have a family and Steve… Steve died in the forties, it felt like- though I was okay without it, but…”
“But then you and Natasha got together.” Tony supplied “Right?”
Steve frowned. Natasha was certainly a part of it. SHe was the first person, even before they were together, to value him as Steve. Not Cap, not a national icon, not an asset. Steve. She’d certainly given him that, but... “No. Well, yes. Natsaha is definitely a part of it, but, it was you Tony.”
Tony genuinely looked surprised “Me?”
“When I met you, I assumed a lot of things about you. I realized most of them were wrong. But you settled down Tony. I never thought either of us would do it. But you did and now that I’m here.. Tony I want it.” Steve swallowed hard and tire dot keep his voice down so that the sleeping baby wasn't disturbed. “I want to have a life, where I’m living.”
Steve hated how much his voice shook- he hated himself for even saying it. Steve wasn’t supposed to get this, He never felt like he had. It didn;t seem to matter how much he wanted it, how much he dreamed about a house rather than quarters, there was always another need and Steve never got it.
“Then do it, Cap.” Tony said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “But a house, get a dog, marry Natasha- if she wants it. Settle down.”
Steve wanted to pace, but Morgan kept him pinned to the chair- he wondered if that was Tony’s plan. Tony had gotten far to wise for Steve’s comfort since he stepped back from the Avengers “Tony I can’t. The world still needs heroes- they still need Captain America. How could I leave when I can still help! What kind of hero- person would I be?-”
“I left. World didn’t fall apart then. It wouldn’t fall apart if you did,” Tony said nonchalantly. “Just do it, Steve.”
“That’s different-”
“No it isn’t” Tony said firmly “It isn’t different and you know it. Don’t forget that you were gone for 70 years and the world kept on turning. You’re right, the world needs heroes, but it doesn’t have to be us. We both have given too much of our damn lives to governments who only expect more for less/ I;m not saying don’t help people, but you don’t have to get taking bullets to do it. You’ve given the world more than just about anyone. You don’t owe every government and anyone who tells you that you do, tell them to fuck off. Or send them to me. I’m pretty good at that.”
Tony grimaced “Sorry Morgan. Don’t tell mommy about that.”
Steve couldn’t help but snort, despite the fact that his brain was trying to make sense of Tony’s words. “Language Steve said absently and Tony laughed softly.
He reached down and took the baby, who was thankfully still sleeping, form Steve. “But I mean it Cap. The world will keep turning. You don’t owe anyone your whole life. You’re allowed to be happy. You’re allowed to be Steve. People do care about him- including me. If you want this Steve… well, if I can have it, you certainly can. Just be Steve. ”
“I don’t know how to be Steve without Cap.” Steve said quietly, hating how broken he sounded. But he didn’t. Steve had been fighting his entire life. Or been sleeping. Captain America was in his blood, literally. How could he walk away from that, when for years, that’s who he was. Cap wasn’t a mask or shield. It was Steve doing the right thing. How could he give that up without giving up himself? “What would I do? Who would I be?”
Tony smiled, a brilliant calm smile that Steve hadn’t seen on his friend before stepping back “That’s the beauty of it Steve, you get to figure it out on your own.”