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It was late afternoon by the time Buck and Eddie made it back to pick up Christopher from his abuela’s. They genuinely hadn’t intended to leave him with her for so long, but after the impassioned morning they had spent together, they had both fallen into a peaceful and satiated sleep. Buck probably would’ve berated himself over their tardiness, if he hadn’t adored the feeling of waking up with Eddie nestled between in his arms so much. Besides, his abuela had missed Chris too and probably didn’t mind the extra one-on-one time.

Once they had realized how late in the afternoon it was, the peaceful spell they’d woken under had broken and they’d found themselves, once again, in a mad dash to get ready. In all honesty, Buck was beginning to enjoy the rush of constantly racing to get ready; it made daily life so much more exhilarating. Although, he might just enjoy that it was a ‘Diaz habit’ he had picked up from spending so much time together.

Eddie’s abuela didn’t seem bothered in the least when they finally arrived shortly after 5:00pm, even going so far as to invite them in for a snack, happy to spend even a few more minutes with her grandson. She welcomed Eddie as usual, with a great bear hug and a kiss on the cheek, which he tried, and failed to turn away from. Buck saw through the charade though; he knew Eddie secretly loved the attention. He was surprised, however, when his abuela turned and offered him a polite smile and nod as well. They had never exactly been on bad terms, but they had only actually met a few times, and the last encounter had definitely left them in a strange standoff.

Inside, they found Christopher at the kitchen table, happily doodling pictures for his grandmother to hang on her refrigerator. There were finished pictures scattered all over the table in front of him: the Santa Monica pier; a firetruck, surrounded by (in Buck’s opinion) decent approximations of a majority of their fire family; his friends from camp all riding (what Buck decided where) ‘surrealist’ horses; Christopher, himself, at the skatepark on his fancy skateboard; Chris again on a surfboard in the curl of a wave, accompanied by someone who looked suspiciously like Buck falling into the water behind him; and an enormous ice cream sundae with three tiny figures dwarfed in its shadow.

“I see our little Picasso has been at it again,” Eddie joked, tousling Chris’ hair as he watched him finish his last picture. Buck’s heart throbbed at the sight of Chris nuzzling into the familiar touch.

His Diaz boys were getting so good at the comforting, physical support and acknowledgement that Buck and Eddie had both grown up without. As proud as Buck was, and as much as he wanted to join in on the display, he kept some distance between himself and his boys, not wanting to make abuela uncomfortable in her own home. But on the plus side, he could see all of Christopher’s artwork from his vantage.

As he glanced over the work, a pattern began to appear that stopped his breath in his lungs. Aside from the camp picture, Chris had included Buck in every drawing, even going so far as to add his birthmark in loving detail, just the way Eddie always described it. Overwhelmed tears welled in Buck’s eyes as he scoured the pieces, noting where Christopher felt he fit into his life: by his side at the pier playing games; by Eddie’s side, arm in arm next to the firetruck; flanking Chris’ skateboard, Eddie across from him; and cowering in the shadows of the enormous ice cream sundae, he and Eddie on either side of Chris holding giant spoons. In every picture they were together, with Christopher in the middle, surrounded by love and support.

“These are beautiful, Christopher,” Buck choked out, failing to hide how tight his throat had become. Seeing that Christopher already included him in the family was just too much to handle after such a vulnerable and soul-bearing morning.

Eddie immediately noticed his discomfort and shuffled to his side, placing a hand in the small of his back, his thumb rubbing soothingly over his skin. Buck softened into the familiar touch immediately, thankful for Eddie’s intuition. He always felt like the world just dissolved away when Eddie touched him like that.

Eddie shot him a quick You okay? look, one eyebrow cocked up curiously. But Buck couldn’t bring himself to explain out loud. Instead, he just smiled back at him and let the devastating rush of belonging he was suffering from bleed into his expression. It was probably the softest smile Buck had ever given, judging from Eddie’s stunned gasp. He looked down at the pictures pointedly, leading Eddie’s gaze to recognize what he already had.

A moment later, as the realization sunk in, Eddie’s hand slid up Buck’s spine to grip the back of his neck and pull him into a warm side-hug.

“I told you he loved his dads,” Eddie whispered furtively. Buck couldn’t help but chuckle at Eddie’s confidence. At least he was sure Buck belonged with them.  

It was then that he noticed Eddie’s abuela watching them, closely – with a guarded expression. She looked down at the pictures, back up at Buck, then deliberately to Eddie’s arm where it draped around his shoulders. He expected to see disdain, or at the least confusion, but Buck could have sworn there was a tiny smile on her lips.

“Mijito asked me to hang this one,” she announced softly, holding out another drawing. It looked like one of his tsunami drawings from therapy. In the bottom half of the page water covered the ground and all the buildings were half submerged. But up above, there were three figures carrying an open truck full of people over their heads like superheroes. Eddie was there in his uniform, but Chris and Buck were dressed in matching costumes, capes blowing in the wind.

“He says it’s the day he became a hero like his father,” she explained. “And his dad.”

Eddie’s head snapped around so fast Buck thought he had been electrocuted. There was an almost upsettingly hopeful expression etched across his face.

“It seems this one might be a good influence on both of you,” she admitted gently with a nod in Buck’s direction.

Buck couldn’t believe his ears. Could she really accept them so easily? Could she really accept him so easily? Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, but that comment alone felt like a step in the right direction.

“Abuela, you have no idea,” Eddie revealed openly. He gripped Buck’s neck again, sending a dull wave of relief down his spine. “Evan has been the greatest addition to my life, and Christopher’s.”

Buck blushed under the intensely fond gaze Eddie fixed on him. He could practically feel the love radiating out of him, curling over every inch of his body until there was no room left for silly things like doubt and caution. A small, private smile pulled at the corners of his lips as the warmth of acceptance slowly crept into all the hidden parts of his soul that had made him feel like he was never quite enough.  

“Finished,” Christopher crowed, waving the final portrait above his head. Eddie took it carefully and held it out for everyone to admire.

It was a family portrait: Chris in the middle, surrounded by abuela, Eddie, and Buck; there was even a faint ghostly image of Shannon floating in the clouds above. She was smiling down on all of them, even Buck and Eddie, whose hands were linked together at their sides. On the surface it was a typical child’s drawing of his family, but it somehow felt like approval, like an endorsement from the most important people in Eddie’s life – a celebration of he and Buck’s love. It felt, to Buck at least, like he was being welcomed in with open arms, and pulled tight into the bosom of the Diaz clan. Even if he was only imagining it, it felt right there.

After a quick goodbye, another pleasant nod from abuela, and a brief stop for pizza, the Diaz-Buckley trio was finally headed home. Chris was asleep in the back seat of the truck, evidently tuckered out from the excitement of the last few days. Buck was practically right there with him. After everything coming to a head, then revealing themselves to the crew, and welcoming Chris home, and then the upset with Eddie’s abuela – Buck’s emotions had been stretched to their breaking point. He let out a deep, weary sigh as Eddie pulled up to the house.

“Thank you,” Eddie stated casually as he put the truck in park. “You’ve been through a lot of family drama over the past twenty-four hours and I know how draining that is for you. Unfortunately, my family tends to be very involved in each other’s lives. Well, my abuela and tia mostly.” Buck had to smile at that. Although his abuela was still coming around, Buck knew he was already in good with tia Josephina. “I should have warned you, or given you the option to step back from this craziness for a while. But I think I selfishly wanted you there, to keep me centered, or something.”

Buck didn’t know what to say. Eddie seemed to be under the impression that he had forced Buck into dealing with family, but the truth of it was that Buck already loved Eddie’s L.A. family. He loved how nosey and involved they were, how often they ate dinner together, or babysat Chris, or showed up at the station with treats for the crew. He loved how supportive they were towards Eddie and Chris. And maybe now, even towards himself. He couldn’t believe abuela had already started to cross that bridge, but he wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. He loved that Eddie’s family had somehow become his by extension, and that he had multiple maternal figures to look forward to learning from, and loving from. When he and Eddie chose each other, he knew going in that the family was part of the package; he just couldn’t believe how good a deal it had turned out to be.

“Eddie, I love your family,” Buck confessed. “I love that they’re always there for you and Chris, and that they always want to be around. I love how much they take care of you and support you. I just hope I can win them all over someday, so I can be part of that love too. It already seems pretty incredible from the outside looking in.”

Eddie reached for Buck’s hand, squeezing it in thanks for his understanding.

“Abuela’s on her way,” Eddie assured him. “I know she can see how happy you make me. And now she knows what you mean to Christopher too. She’ll come around soon enough. And then you will regret ever wanting her attentions focused on you.”

Buck looked back at him, startled by the oddly threatening tone.

“You have no idea how many pastries, and tamales, and snacks, and cheek pinches are in your future.” Eddie’s face remained serious, but his tone was lighthearted. “Because let me tell you, when she turns onto you, and she will, she will dote on you like you made the stars in the sky. Because she’ll see in you what I see, and she is much better at showering people with the affection they deserve.”

Buck turned away bashfully, suddenly looking forward to the day abuela truly counted him as family. He didn’t want to get his hopes up too high, but it all sounded amazing. Eddie, being Eddie, somehow read his mind.

“I’m telling you, you think you want it now, but I’ll remind you of this when you have to let out all your pants. She will never stop feeding you. Just wait.” Eddie gave him a mischievous wink. “You’re lucky you could stand to add some pounds of fluff. Actually, I think I’m kinda looking forward to it.”

Buck turned to stare at Eddie incredulously. But Eddie showed zero embarrassment about his comment.

“Just more to love,” he said nonchalantly. “And I will always welcome more of you.”

“You are a ridiculous person. And you better not let me get fat until after I get in that damn calendar,” Buck warned seriously. “After that? All bets are off. We can both get fat and happy.”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Buck wanted to glare back at him, but his attention was pulled away from Eddie’s smug smile as Christopher began to stir in the backseat.

“Hey, Buddy. You ready for some pizza and a movie,” Buck asked gently, not wanting to startled him awake too quickly. According to Eddie, Chris already took after him in terms of grogginess when woken up. Slowly, Chris’ eyes adjusted to the scenery around him and a sleepy smile stretched across his face.

“Buck! Are you staying for a sleepover,” Chris asked cheerfully, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

Buck looked to Eddie for an answer. He didn’t want to overstep, especially since he had already stayed over multiple nights that week. But Eddie just gazed back at him as longingly, his dark eyes warm with affection.

“You bet, Chris,” Buck decided. A soothing blanket of contentment wrapped around his heart from Chris’ responding smile.

“Sleepover,” Chris cheered, wiggling in his seat with, what Buck knew was, his happy dance.

He was starting to think he may never go back to his loft again.  

***

The 118 was surprisingly casual when they arrived together for their next shift. No one even so much as blinked an eye when Eddie climbed down out of Buck’s jeep and fell into step beside him. No one seemed to notice that his LAFD shirt was a little looser than normal, or that Buck’s was a bit too tight. No one even mentioned the still-obvious, and not-at-all juvenile and goddamn ridiculous, hickey hiding just under the edge of his collar, courtesy of Buck. They worked through the entire morning, bumping elbows and hips at random and trading discrete casual caresses whenever they passed each other. And no one seemed any the wiser.  

Or at least, that’s what Eddie had thought.

He had just passed Buck, who was crouched in the engine bay re-rolling one of the rig’s hoses, and had gently tousled the loose waves at the crown of his head in greeting. It was a minor touch, nothing obscene or sensual, but it still sent a warm current of satisfaction up from his fingertips and into his chest. He hadn’t thought anything of it, until he heard someone loudly clear their throat in his direction. After a brief search for the source, he was mortified to find Bobby staring down at him from the walkway with an unreadable expression.

Bobby clearly motioned for Eddie to join him, which left him no choice but to comply. As he trudged up the stairs, nervous energy churned in his stomach. Was this going to be ‘the talk’? The one where Bobby told him they couldn’t work together? The one where the brightest part of Eddie’s life was ripped away from him, again?

“Eddie, breathe,” Bobby said patiently as he approached. Eddie hadn’t even realized that he wasn’t. “I just want to see how things are going. You’re not in trouble.”

Eddie’s shoulders loosened slightly, tension cautiously seeping out of him.

“Thing? As in me and Buck,” Eddie asked shrewdly.

Bobby gave him a guilty smile and nodded his head. It was meant to be disarming, but Eddie was too concerned about being reprimanded for PDAs in the station, or being separated from Buck, or being kicked out of the 118 altogether, to relax. He wasn’t sure which was his main concern, but his body decided for him, spilling out the most urgent question without his consent.

“Are we not allowed to work together anymore?”

Bobby pursed his lips and frowned for a moment, considering his words carefully. Eddie’s stomach turned to lead. Shit. This was that conversation. His heart seemed to pound at his ribcage as Bobby crossed his arms and drew in a slow breath, as if it could break free from him and escape the imminent pain.

“Theoretically, probably not,” he admitted sadly.

He had known it was a possibility, but he still felt like he had been punched in the gut. The air in his lungs shriveled to dust as his pulse pounded in his ears, drowning out sound around him. Logically, he knew they would survive not working on the same team, but he just couldn’t imagine running into a burning building and not having Buck waiting to pull him out.

He was startled by Bobby’s hand clutching his elbow. When had that happened?

“Theoretically, it could be a conflict of interest if you were to treat each other differently than anyone else in the station.” Bobby continued, more sternly. “However, I know how integral both of you are to our team. I also know that this team doesn’t work as well with either of you missing.” Eddie stared at him, a tiny glimmer of hope springing to life in his chest. Was Bobby saying what he thought he saying? “I’m not planning to split you up as long as you can do your jobs as well as you have up ‘til now. But you need to be able to keep it tame at work. I know you have self-control, usually,” he gave Eddie a knowing look at that, “But I worry about Buck. He can be more impulsive.”

Eddie had to smother his laugh in his hand, pulling his arm out of Bobby’s grip in the process. He turned to glance at his partner, who was still bent over and crawling across the floor, displaying his ass in a way that Eddie could only describe as inviting. If only Bobby knew how impulsive Eddie had been over the past two weeks. If it weren’t for his impulsivity, he and Buck would still be tiptoeing around their relationship, trying to figure out their feelings.

He brought his focus back to Bobby and immediately noticed the curiously raised eyebrow. Eddie schooled his features as quickly as he could.

“I can keep it in check,” Eddie assured him, almost convincingly. Bobby’s curious look shifted to something much closer to skepticism. Okay, Eddie could admit he probably deserved that. He let his gaze fall to the floor as he shuffled his feet awkwardly. “I’ll do better at keeping myself in check.”

“I appreciate that,” Bobby said resignedly. “And Eddie?”

He looked back up at the captain and was surprised to see a fond look on his face.

“It’s good to see you let yourselves be happy. You have both deserved it for a long time.”

Eddie didn’t know how to respond. He knew he had the crew’s unofficial blessing, but hearing it so blatantly from their captain was something else entirely. He didn’t think of Bobby like the father-figure Buck did, but there was still something incredibly humbling and soothing about having a superior officer’s approval. He glanced back down at Buck, who had apparently been waiting to catch his eye. As soon as Eddie looked at him, Buck dropped into a crouched pose with the massive rolled-up hose propped on his shoulders like Atlas holding up the world. Eddie couldn’t help his reluctantly amused laugh.

“Alright, go help him out before he hurts himself trying to impress you,” Bobby sighed dismissively with a beleaguered eyeroll.

“Thanks, cap,” Eddie called back earnestly as he darted for the stairs, eager to tell Buck the good news.

Around the sixteenth hour of their shift a relatively mundane call came in for a house fire. Dispatch clarified that the house was an old one-story ranch on the outskirts of their jurisdiction, but the age of the building had caused the fire to catch and spread quickly, and there was significant concern that the fire might spread to the neighboring houses due to the dry shrubs and grass between the plots. Multiple stations had been called and were to convene on the lot to coordinate a rescue of the two people still inside the building.

The 118 arrived first on the scene to see the fire already in full swing. The right side of the house was fully engulfed with flames pouring from the windows, licking up the siding, and crawling up the sloped roof with surprising speed. An angry crackling echoed through the air, accenting the roaring thrum of the burn. The house was surrounded by a wide berth of dirt and sand, but the sparks from the inferno crept closer and closer to the trails of shrubs and grasses leading to the neighboring lots.

“Buck, Chim, get a hose on the west side of the house ASAP. Eddie, get a secondary and douse the tinder next the house. Let’s keep this from moving next door,” Bobby ordered calmly. “Hen prep the wagon and come with me to search for victims. Dispatch claimed two were still inside.”

The crew sprang into action, moving over, around, and through each other in a well-choreographed dance.

“Aren’t you supposed to be watering plants,” Buck teased as Eddie squeezed in next to him to grab the secondary hose.

“Aren’t you supposed to be fighting fire,” he quipped back. Buck scoffed, but bumped his shoulder amiably into Eddie’s anyway. “Stay safe out there, okay?”

He wasn’t sure what drove him to say it – they had practically been through every disaster imaginable together and he had never felt the need to ask anything like that before – but something in him just needed Buck to remember that he had other people relying on him, counting on him to be around.

Buck smiled back at him – an irritatingly cocky grin.

“Going soft on me, Diaz? I’m always safe,” Buck assured him, his voice pure bravado.

But then he leaned in close and nudged his temple against Eddie’s head. To an outside perspective it could’ve been explained away as Buck simply reaching for the rest of the hose coiled in front of Eddie. But Eddie knew better. He knew that it was Buck’s way of assuring him that he would be safe for real.   

“You’re such a brat,” Eddie bemoaned as Buck hauled the hose away easily. Even in the midst of an emergency, Eddie was still impressed by how casually Buck could toss the eighty-pound hose around.

“Go water your plants, gramps!”

With that, Buck disappeared into the smoke billowing from the house.

Eddie made his way to the side yard, giving Buck and Chim a wide shoulder as he dragged the auxiliary hose behind him. If there was one thing you did not want to do at a fire, it was tangling the lines. Once in position, he made quick work of hosing down the smoldering debris and foliage. It wasn’t the glamorous part of the job that made for fantastical retellings, but it was an important step to stop the fire from spreading out of their control.

A loud crash pulled his attention away from the side yard. He turned in time to see Hen and Bobby hauling an unconscious woman out of the front door, her limp body slung between them.

“Eddie, help Hen,” Bobby called over the roar of the flames still emanating from the house.

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He rushed over, dropping the drained hose as he went.

“Buck, you’re with me,” Bobby called out, turning back to dive back into the building. “We’ve still got one inside somewhere.”

Eddie threw a quick look at Buck as he dash into the smoke-filled house without a second thought. Stay safe.

Hen had the woman propped on the edge of the ambulance by the time Eddie reached her. She was still breathing, but her eyes were rolled back and her mouth and nose were smeared with soot.

“We need oxygen,” Hen announced, checking the woman’s saturation levels as she spoke. “She’s inhaled too much smoke.”

Eddie climbed into the ambulance and grabbed the oxygen canister and a mask. He and Hen quickly set the hoses up and laid the woman back onto the stretcher, and after a few short moments, her eyelids began to blink her back into consciousness.   

“Welcome back,” Eddie said gently, gripping the woman’s wrist comfortingly as he subtly measured her pulse. Her eyes slowly focused, lingering on the roof of the ambulance, then Hen’s face, and finally on Eddie.

“Where’s Randy? Where’s my son,” she croaked. Her throat was rough from the smoke inhalation, but the panic in her voice was unmistakable.

“We’ve got someone looking for him,” Eddie assured her. “Do you know where in the house he would be?”

She pointed a shaky arm at one of the windows in the heart of the fire. Eddie’s stomach churned as he reached for the radio on his shoulder. He knew he had to make the call, but he also knew that meant Buck would be sent right into the worst part of the blaze.

“Engine 118, be advised, the owner’s son is still in the house. His room is in the west end of the building.” He kept his voice clinically even, but his heart flooded with acrid fear.

“Copy,” Buck’s voice drifted through the crackling radio. “Heading to the west end now.”

Eddie closed his eyes and sucked in a steadying breath. Buck would be fine. Buck could handle himself. He knew that. Worrying would not help.

The welcoming sound of sirens slowly crescendo-ed over the roar of flames as the 134 finally arrived to assist. A flicker of relief burst to life in Eddie’s chest.

“You got this, Hen,” Eddie asked quickly, eager to enlist the arriving crew’s help. She nodded towards the incoming engine.

“I’m good, go coordinate.”

Eddie rushed over to the new crew, sending one of the men to help Chimney with the hose he had been struggling to wrangle on the way. Against their efforts, the fire had continued to spread, enveloping nearly two thirds of the house. A new wave of desperation rose in Eddie’s throat; he needed to get Buck out of there.  

“Evening, Captain. I’m from the 118,” he announced as he approached the chief of the 134. “We’ve got two men inside searching for our second victim, the other vic is in the bus behind me being treated for smoke inhalation. I commandeered one of your men to replace one we sent inside, but we could really use a second hose on this house – it’s practically made of tinder.”

“Roger that, firefighter,” the captain replied appreciatively. He gave the situation a quick once-over before barking out orders for the rest of his crew. The small, hopeful, flicker of relief threaded further through Eddie’s body; just having more hands on-deck was a comfort. The rest of the 134 jumped into action alongside Hen and Chim, and a new line was up and running within the minute.

“Cap, Buck, the 134 just arrived on scene. Do you require assistance,” Eddie called through the radio, excited to share that more help had arrived.

But muffled crackling was the only response; something was wrong. Eddie’s stomach dropped to his knees.

“Cap, Buck, do you copy,” Eddie called again, trying to force down the panic in his throat. But there was no response.

The next five seconds seemed to happen in slow motion.

A large spire of flames burst through the roof of the home, stretching up to singe the branches of the trees above. The sharp, deafening crack of wooden beams snapping under the pressure echoed across the lot, and in the next second, half of the roof imploded into the house, immediately engulfed by the raging fire within. A brilliant cascade of sparks fired into the air around them as more pieces of the roof collapsed around it – with Buck and Bobby still inside.

“No,” Eddie whispered in disbelief. An icy chill washed over him as the uncontrollable urge to collapse nearly overtook him. Anguish strangled his heart, stilling the air in his lungs and freezing all thought in his mind.

No.

No!

The grief was quickly burned out by voracious determination. He refused to let Buck go; he refused to lose him.

Eddie sprinted forward, straight at the heart of the fire, with only one clear thought in his mind: save Buck. Frigid desperation still coursed through his veins, slowing his limbs, but it was chased by the welcome sting of adrenaline. Memories of combat, memories of the people he had lost, memories of death and destruction prickled through his mind – taunting him, jeering at his failures and losses. The infuriating voice of self-doubt mocked him; there was nothing he would be able to do to help; he would fail again; he would be left behind, alone, again; once more he would not be enough to keep someone he loved from dying.

But he still had to try. He had to believe that he could be enough, even if only this one time. He had to do whatever he could to get Buck out.

His heavy boots pounded against the ground as he broke through the invisible wall of heat surrounding the house. Smoke billowed around him, swirling into his lungs and stabbing him with every breath. Tears spilled from his eyes, partly from the burning sting of soot and heat, but largely from terror.

None of it mattered though. He pressed forward, spurred on by the insatiable need to save Buck, regardless of his self-doubts, regardless of the risk he might endure. There was nothing in this world that would stop him from getting to Buck. They had just figured out how much they meant to each other; they deserved to see how happy their lives could be together. Eddie had finally gotten a taste of true happiness and he was not going to let it slip through his fingers. He refused to lose one more person in his life.

He was nearly at the house by the time he settled his resolution. He could just make out the doorway through the haze of smoke and tears. He could do it; he could find Buck and get him out.

But suddenly, there were arms wrapped around him, dragging him backwards. He thrashed against the hold, scrabbling at the air in front of him like a trapped animal. His feet slipped over the dusty earth and he fell forward, landing hard on his hands and knees with a painful thump. At least the arms had released him as fell. He crawled forward urgently, clawing at the earth through gloved hands, the smokey doorway less than a foot away. But then the hands were back, pulling him to his feet and holding him back. He thrashed against the restraint, kicking out and slashing at the open doorway. What didn’t they understand? Buck was still in there! An all-consuming, panicked desire fueled him, urging him on regardless of the danger. His muscles stretched and screamed as he staggered forward, using his full force to drag his restrainer with him towards the flames.

But then more hands latched onto him, pulling him sharply away from the entrance.

“Eddie, stand down,” Chimney yelled, fingers digging into his arm like a vise.

“Buck’s still in there,” he roared, ripping his arm from Chimney’s grasp. But Chim caught him again immediately.

“And so is Bobby. But we can’t just rush in, you know that! We have to make sure it’s safe,” Chim argued. There was an edge of pain to Chim’s voice that Eddie couldn’t understand. It reminded him of the same way his fellow veterans sounded when talking about active duty – when talking about the horrors they’d faced there.  

The unexpected tone startled him enough that he stopped struggling just long enough for the two men holding him back to take advantage of the pause. Four strong arms lifted him fully off of his feet and carried him backwards. Rage flooded his body as they hauled him away from the flames. He writhed in their grip, twisting and turning frantically, desperation overwhelming him as he was dragged further and further from aiding Buck.

“Get the fuck off of me,” he screamed, kicking out against his captors. In the back of his mind, he knew Chim was right and that he looked like a child throwing a tantrum, but he didn’t care. Buck was in trouble and he’d be damned if he left him to sort it on his own.

“Eddie, calm down! Look!”

He froze in their arms, his eyes feverishly searching the smoking wreckage. He didn’t see anything other than black clouds, and glowing flame, and devastation. His heart stopped at the sight. There was no way to survive all of that.

Eddie collapsed, adrenaline abandoning him as hopelessness flooded his body. Chim dropped with him as he fell to his knees, tears streaming down his face. Eddie didn’t cry in front of people; it was a rule of his that he had only ever broken once before. But he couldn’t seem to stop. He wept uncontrollably, painful sobs ripping from his throat as his world crumbled beneath him.

“No, Eddie, look,” Chim insisted again, forcefully turning Eddie’s head towards the side of the house that wasn’t on fire.

Between the smoke, and the tears, and the dizzying despair that muddied his mind, he almost missed it. But then a shape slowly came into view – the hazy outline of two figures: one hauling someone over its shoulder, and the other following close to the side.

Buck.

Eddie practically bowled Chim over as he jumped to his feet and raced forward, stumbling over the uneven terrain in his haste. Buck’s cheerful, albeit soot-covered, face became clearer and cleared as he approached.

He was okay. He had somehow made it out.

Eddie nearly crashed into him, his hands tentatively cupping and tracing the shape of Buck’s face, fingers ghosting over his smoke-stained skin, seeking proof that Buck was really there, really okay. Buck just smiled at him, an apology and thanks all wrapped into one, intimate look.

“I thought…,” Eddie started, but he couldn’t find the words. His voice was already rough and strained and he just couldn’t bring himself to say his fears out loud. Buck gripped Eddie’s shoulder firmly, solidifying the fact that he was there. Safe.

“I’m sorry, Eds. But I promise I’m good,” he assured him with a soft look.

Eddie wished he could take his word for it, but his heart was still racing in his chest and his body felt like it was stuffed with cotton from the back to back floods of panic, adrenaline, despair, and relief. He needed to see for himself, feel for himself, know for himself, that Buck was truly okay.

He felt, more than heard, Chim approach from behind him and, without a word, he pulled the unconscious man from Buck’s shoulders and handed him over.

“Get him to the 134’s bus, let his mom know we’ve got him,” Eddie ordered. His mind and mouth were fully on autopilot, but his gaze was like a magnet, shifting back to Buck between every other word. Bobby watched curiously for a moment, but decided against saying anything, choosing instead to help Chim.

“Eddie, check him over,” Bobby suggested sympathetically. “He was in there longer than I’d have liked.”

The captain shot Buck a disapproving look, but his expression softened almost immediately. In the next moment Bobby and Chim disappeared into the chaos of flashing lights and spraying water with the unconscious young man.

As soon as they were alone again, Eddie dragged Buck behind the 118’s engine and gently cupped the sides of his neck with both hands. It was meant to be a comforting gesture, but it also allowed him to feel for a pulse, to make sure he wasn’t imagining Buck’s presence in his distraught mind. He let his head fall to Buck’s shoulder for a moment, rising and falling with his chest, to feel that he was whole and safe and breathing.

Buck was really there.

Eddie quickly drew his hands down, pried open Buck’s jacket, and slipped it off his shoulders. He stepped back just enough to give himself space to work as his hands roved over Buck’s body, feeling for injuries, or burns, or anything that might suggest that he was less okay than he seemed. His fingers worked under the hem of Buck’s shirt, gliding up his chest and over his back, searching for cuts or blood, but only feeling the comforting warmth of his skin. He let his hand linger over Buck’s heart, breathing in time with his heartbeat for a long moment, until his was practically synced up. The thread of relief that had started and abruptly shattered earlier reappeared. But he was nowhere near satisfied yet. He ran his hands over Buck’s arms, digging his fingers into the firm muscles, waiting to hear a telltale gasp of pain, but none came. He did the same over Buck’s ribs and shoulders, checking for fractures and bruises, but found none.

Buck actually was okay. He had made it out unscathed. Eddie didn’t have to worry anymore.

And yet, his mind still raced with the unimaginable thought of living without Buck, of having to bury him, having to grieve him, having to accept his death. Eddie knew he wasn’t strong enough for that; he knew that he would likely never be strong enough for that. He reached down again, unable to put his dark thoughts to words, and linked his fingers with Buck’s, drawing their interlocked hands up to his heart as leaned into his solid frame. Buck’s arm wrapped around him slowly and pulled him closer, pressing his full body against him, a testament to his survival.

“Evan, please…don’t ever leave me,” Eddie whimpered pitifully, his voice still strained from his wailing. He felt Buck deflate against him, the wind knocking straight out of his lungs as he clung tighter to Eddie.

“Edmundo,” Buck sighed, his lips pressed to the top of Eddie’s head. He turned Eddie to shield him, cornering him against the 118’s engine. “I wouldn’t dare.”

Eddie huffed out a bewildered laugh as he tilted his head up to look at Buck’s face. He looked surprisingly serious, albeit the usual devious twinkle in his eye was still very much present. If Eddie didn’t know better, he would say Buck looked resolved, as if his belief in himself coming home safely to Eddie would be enough to make it true. And somehow, Eddie believed it too. If there was anyone stubborn enough to will themself to survive, it was Buck. He reached up to wipe the tear tracks from Eddie’s face. Eddie leaned into the touch hungrily, still mildly desperate for proof that his Buck was safe.

Abruptly, and with little concern for their surroundings, Eddie leaned up and kissed him. He didn’t care that they were at a call, or that there were nearly a dozen other firefighters crawling around, not to mention the slew of neighbors that had appeared to watch the scene unfold – none of it mattered to him. Buck was in his hands, safe and unharmed, and would remain so as long as possible. Eddie leaned his body into the kiss, drawing Buck against him as he worked every last ounce of relief and gratitude and joy into his lips.

Buck’s arm tightened around Eddie’s shoulders as he melted against him and licked into his mouth. His skin smelled of smoke and woodfire, but inside, he was still purely Buck. The scent of singed clothes lingered around him and electricity seemed to crackle in the air, but the only thing Eddie cared about was the weight of Buck’s body pressing him into the cool, hard metal of the truck. They kissed with a renewed fervor, breathing their love into the other’s lungs as they held each other close.

“We should probably help with the fire, you know,” Buck teased breathlessly as he pulled back to smirk down at Eddie.

He was right. Eddie knew he was right. But that didn’t mean he wanted to do it.

“One more minute,” Eddie whined as he pulled Buck’s head back in and peppered his lips with reverent kisses.

Buck smiled against the pecks and flicked his tongue out to taste Eddie’s lips at random. A heavy contentment purred in Eddie’s chest at Buck’s playful teases; he was definitely okay. Eddie paused to catch his breath and leaned his forehead against Buck’s somberly.

“Next time I tell you to be safe,” he began sternly, squeezing Buck’s hand for emphasis, “Take me seriously.”

Buck’s shoulders shook from silent laughter at Eddie’s request, but he nodded against his head anyway.

“Sir, yes, sir,” he acquiesced with a quick nip at Eddie’s nose. He stepped back then, pulling Eddie away from the truck and bending to retrieve his jacket. “Now, we still have a job to do.”

Eddie followed him happily to the rest of the crew, satisfied that he was in one piece and healthy as they rejoined the fray – fighting the fire side by side, the way they were always meant to.

***

They arrived home from their shift in the early afternoon, eager for a long and well-deserved nap. Buck wasn’t sure when he had started thinking of Eddie’s house as his home, but it felt right. The rest of their shift had been nothing compared to the house fire incident, but twenty-four hours on call was always exhausting, regardless of the intensity of the emergencies. They both stumbled into the living room half-dead on their feet, kicked off their boots and collapsed onto the couch, practically landing on top of each other.

In a haze of fatigue, and without really thinking, Buck threw his legs over the arm of the couch and let his head fall back into Eddie’s lap. Eddie’s fingers immediately wove into his hair, scratching lightly at his scalp, and a hum of contentment buzzed under his skin. Calming prickles of pleasure cascaded over his scalp like rain and Buck let out a heavy sigh as he lost himself in the feeling, relaxation washing over him as his whole body slowly turned to Jell-O. No wonder Eddie liked this so much.

“That feels so good,” Buck moaned serenely, absently tracing the tingling feeling that trickled down his spine with every scratch. It seemed to spread out into every part of him at once.

“I know,” Eddie teased. His free hand slowly smoothed across Buck’s chest until it came to rest against his neck.

It could have felt greedy, or possessive in some way – but it actually felt protective, as if Eddie was still shaken by Buck’s, admittedly risky, heroics earlier and was still making sure he was okay. Buck expected the hold to become suffocating, or at the very least excessive, but he found himself overwhelmed by the sense of comfort that flowed within him, particularly as Eddie’s thumb began to trace gentle circles across his collarbone. It was an unusually soft touch – much softer than Buck anticipated from him. It was the kind of touch that made him feel…fragile.

Buck was amazed that even after knowing him for so long, and assuming that they knew each other inside and out, Eddie could still find ways to surprise him. Even more surprising was that, although Eddie was obviously still concerned, he had made no attempt to lecture or chastise him for the dangerous stunt at the house fire. That was…unexpected. Buck had never known anyone to worry about him the way Eddie did without eventually trying to stop him from doing his job. Yet somehow, Eddie was able to straddle that line – he could worry for his safety, but was still proud enough of him, and trusting enough to not impose limits.

Buck’s heart skipped a beat as the realization hit him: Eddie truly understood who he was. It was a dizzying revelation. Buck had never felt so known, by anyone.

His body vibrated with unsettled energy. It felt like a vise had gripped onto his heart and was physically dragging it out of his chest and towards Eddie, as if Eddie’s hands were the only place it would be safe. A crushing desire pulled at every muscle in his body, as if his entire being yearned to be absorbed into Eddie’s warmth.

He really needed to get a grip.

He arched his back up off the cushions in a languid stretch, trying desperately to release some of the tension. Thankfully, it worked like a charm. He groaned in pleasure as his tired and tight muscles pulled and itched with relief. He breathed out a happy sigh as he sank back into the couch, feeling more at ease and even more devoted to the warm, Eddie-shaped pillow under his head.

Buck was so relaxed that it took him a moment to notice that Eddie’s fingers had stopped moving. His other hand had also gone strangely rigid against his neck as well. He looked up at Eddie and was surprised to see him staring steadfastly at the wall, refusing to even glance down in Buck’s direction.

That was odd.

“You okay, Eds,” Buck asked quietly, reaching up to lay his hand over Eddie’s where rested against his neck. Eddie didn’t answer him, but Buck swore his cheeks seemed to darken as he watched him.

Slowly, and with great amusement, Buck recognized the firm pressure that had started to prod at the back of his head.

“Ahh,” Buck said with a knowing chuckle, wiggling his fingers between Eddie’s. He couldn’t help but torment him. “Feeling a little frisky, huh? You know, I read about a few studies that have proven near-death experiences can be an aphrodisiac. Although it usually affects the person who almost died.”

“It’s just a reaction. I’m too tired to stop it,” Eddie gritted out through clenched teeth, obviously trying to regain control over his traitorous dick. “You were stretching, and your head is right there, and the noises you make are…distracting.”

“Oh, I’M the distracting one,” Buck challenged playfully, nestling his head further down into Eddie’s lap. “That’s rich coming from Mr. Take Charge and Practically Make His Partner Pop a Boner in the Middle of a Fire.”

“What the hell are you talking about,” Eddie asked, finally looking down at him, completely baffled.

Shit. Buck hadn’t meant to admit that out loud. He could feel the heat blossoming across his face as Eddie stared at him perplexedly.

“I may have gotten a little…turned on…during the fire earlier,” Buck confessed, turning his gaze down to avoid Eddie’s reaction. “Mainly when you pulled that kid off of me like he weighed nothing and then started ordering everyone around so assertively…and then when you dragged me over to the truck in front of everyone…and when you kissed me like that.”

Eddie didn’t respond, but Buck swore he could feel the judgement dripping off of him.

“I had a lot of adrenaline in my system, okay,” Buck said dismissively, pulling his hand back down and fidgeting his thumbs together. “It was just…an exciting side of you to see. One that I don’t get to very often. And I know it was inappropriate, especially at the time, but you were just so sexy.”

Buck’s dick stirred at the memory of Eddie’s fingers frantically caressing every inch of his body. Arguably, he had been searching for injuries at the time. But after his commanding performance, and under his careful touch, Buck’s mind had led him to a very different place. He didn’t think about the fire at all for those few heady minutes of Eddie’s direct, unadulterated attention. He did, however, think about all the other, more sensual, ways he wanted Eddie to direct that attention. A few of those ideas even rushed back to the forefront of his mind as he lay there waiting for a reaction.

“Sit up, Evan,” Eddie insisted quietly.

Shit. Maybe he was going to get a lecture after all. He scrabbled up and propped himself on the other side of the couch, giving Eddie as much space as could. He kept his gaze glued to the ground as he moved, still leery of looking Eddie in the eye.

“Not over there,” Eddie said ominously, “I want you here.”

Eddie gestured to his own lap and Buck’s dick gave such an enthusiastic lurch, it nearly propelled him off the couch entirely. Before he could second-guess himself, he bounced tup off of the cushions and cautiously adjusted himself to straddle Eddie’s legs. His thighs shook with exhaustion as he hovered over Eddie’s knees, only allowing half of his weight to rest on him. The burn felt kind of good; a subtle reminder of how powerful his body was, and yet how easily it could be broken. He threw his arms around Eddie’s neck and twisted his fingers into the hair at his nape, triggering a delightfully predatory look in return. God, he wanted him so badly. And Buck wanted him too. He wanted him so badly he thought he might actually stop breathing if Eddie ever turned him away. But he was still a little nervous to put his full weight on Eddie’s knees. He threw him a questioning look to say as much.

“I won’t break Buck,” Eddie replied, a prescient answer to his unasked question.

Buck let his hips sink lower, allowing his body to relax into the firm presence of Eddie’s thighs. A stifled moan escaped Eddie’s lips as the bulge of Buck’s swelling dick grazed the tops of his legs. He should’ve known Eddie would enjoy that a little too much; he always did. He grinned wickedly as he settled down over Eddie’s lap, wiggling his hips happily against both of their growing erections.

“You may regret this decision,” Buck warned flirtatiously. He rocked his hips back, pulling another delicious whimper from Eddie, as he leaned forward and pressed their lips together.

Eddie’s hands were on him before he could even attempt to pull away. His fingers dug into Buck’s back, holding him locked in place as he mouthed across his lips and down his jaw, leaving a wet trail of prickling skin in his wake. Buck opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off instantly as Eddie’s lips attacked him. His tongue thrust into his mouth to taste him, numbing his mind completely as all rational thoughts were replaced by the rotating mantras of "Eddie', 'More', and 'Oh god, yes’.

A hot tendril of lust snaked its way down Buck’s body and began to coil in his gut, humming intently at the feel of Eddie’s tongue. Eddie’s kiss was desperate and unforgiving – barely giving Buck the chance to breathe, let alone kiss back. But he didn’t want to just take Eddie’s love, he wanted to give too. He twisted his fingers into Eddie’s cropped hair as best he could and yanked down hard to distract him. Eddie’s head snapped back with a wild look in his eye.

“Do that again and you'll regret it,” Eddie threatened, his eyes squinting seriously as his brow flattened into an angry line. Something told Buck that Eddie had an actual plan should he defy him. A tremor of interest jolted up Buck’s spine as he feigned innocence with a half-hearted shrug.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

He could actually feel the mischievous glint in his own eyes as he lied. He didn’t know how Eddie planned to punish him for disobeying, but he was suddenly keen to find out. He just had to challenge him the right way. His fingers drifted down to the space just below Eddie’s neck where tense, angry muscles bulged under his skin.

And there was his perfect distraction.

Buck kneaded his hands into the contracted muscle, massaging away Eddie’s irritation as he leaned back in to kiss him again. Eddie almost seemed hesitant at first, as if he didn’t trust Buck to behave. But he soon let go of his doubts and sank back into the kiss with a soft moan of want resonating in his chest. But Buck couldn’t help himself for very long; he was born to tease Eddie. He gently walked his fingers up Eddie’s neck and gave a testing tug on her hair – not nearly as hard, but still noticeable.

A growl rumbled from deep in Eddie’s throat.

“Last warning,” Eddie whispered as he bumped their noses together in a ridiculously saccharine way. And really, how could Buck take the threat seriously after that?

He dragged his fingernails up Eddie’s scalp, delighting in the actual shiver that rippled out from his touch. Eddie’s head fell back into Buck’s hands, chasing the tantalizing sensation. He was lucky Eddie was such a sucker for a head scratches; he could forgive anything if Buck just played with his hair for a bit. It was a pretty sweet solution.

Buck decided to take advantage of the new position. He leaned in and licked a long, gentle stripe over Eddie’s Adam’s apple, then bit down hard over his throat. He could actually feel the whine that slipped from Eddie’s throat as he sucked a patch of skin between his teeth and laved at it with his tongue. Buck wanted nothing more than to taste every last inch of that throat – to feel all of Eddie’s pitiful mewls and whimpers under his lips. He wanted to worship Eddie the way he deserved; by kissing and licking and praising every part of him, until there were no doubts left in his mind about how much he was wanted.

He was so lost in his desires, he couldn’t help himself – he twisted his fingers up into Eddie’s hair for a third time and yanked his head back to give himself more canvas to adore.

Before he had even realized what he’d done, Eddie’s hand were gripping tightly under his ass and lifting him bodily off of his lap. He threw Buck off of his lap and over onto the empty couch cushion beside him. An uncontrollable grin split Buck’s face as giddy delight fluttered in his chest like a thousand hopped-up butterflies. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed being manhandled, and Eddie made it look easy. He had bucked him off like he was no more than a particularly gangly toddler. It was thrilling!

But Eddie didn’t look amused. He was staring down at Buck with a harsh expression.

“Third strike,” Eddie said forebodingly. He rose from the couch without another word and stalked out of the room.

The butterflies in Buck’s stomach turned to lead. Had he read the situation all wrong? Eddie was used to his teasing, but maybe he had pushed it too far. Maybe he had offended him. Eddie always followed Buck’s directives exactly, maybe he had expected Buck to do the same. But that wasn’t who Buck was – Eddie had to know that. A cold thread of despair began to creep into Buck’s heart.

“Get up and put your hands behind you.”

Buck jumped upright instantly, trying to swallow the small yelp that startled out of him. He hadn’t even heard Eddie return, yet there he was, standing in the archway with something amorphous clutched in his hands.

“Hands,” Eddie reminded him darkly.

Buck did as he was asked; he put his hands behind his back and turned to face Eddie with a cautious smile. But he was met with a scowl and shaking head.

“Turn around.” Eddie’s voice was stern and unflinching, but there was almost a flicker of excitement, or maybe just nerves, underneath.

Buck shifted slowly, unease stirring in his stomach. Was Eddie actually going to punish him? He wracked his mind for Eddie’s possible intentions. Was he going to spank him? Buck hadn’t brought his paddle with him from the loft, and he knew Eddie hadn’t had time to get one himself. Was he planning to use his hand? The idea of Eddie’s pure, unassisted power thrashing his bare ass sent a violent thrill of excitement through him. But he didn’t want Eddie to hurt himself. No matter how badly Buck wanted to feel the sting of Eddie’s skin welting him, a thorough spanking would wreck Eddie’s bare hands.

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” Eddie whispered, suddenly right at Buck’s ear.

“Jesus! Wear a bell or something,” Buck yelped, “How are you so quiet?”

A gentle hand tucked into the dip of his spine as soft lips pressed against the back of his neck, A shower of sparks tingled across his skin, dancing outward as Eddie’s tender kiss sucked the concern right out of him.

“Never mind,” Buck moaned, his head dropping forward, “Just keep doing that.”

And Eddie did. His lips mapped the sloping planes of Buck’s neck and shoulders as his tongue dipped out to taste him at random. But then, suddenly, fingers were looped around Buck’s wrists, pulling them closer together until his arms were stretched and contorted enough to let his palms touch.

“What are yo-”

A smooth, thick, silk rope replaced Eddie’s finger’s on Buck’s wrists, and the question died in his throat.

Oh.

A shudder of anticipation straightened Buck’s spine as Eddie pulled the loop tighter. Fuck, he did not expect to be so turned on by something so simple. Pitiful, shallow breaths hissed in and out of his lips as Eddie tied the loop off, locking Buck’s hands together behind his back. A hand slowly ran up his back, pausing at the base of his neck to give a faint squeeze, and Buck swore his body actually vibrated under the touch. His dick throbbed painfully against his fly, begging to feel those deft fingers wrapped around it.

“Good,” Eddie asked gently, his fingers still clutching Buck’s neck protectively. Jesus, even in the middle of a fucking dream come true, Eddie still had the decency to check in on him.

“Fantastic,” Buck replied on a sigh. Eddie’s lips replaced his hand, sparking an entirely new wave of desire.

“Bear with me here,” Eddie whispered against his skin, a wave of goosebumps prickling up over his shoulders. “I haven’t gotten to practice on anyone.”

A bewildered laugh bubbled up from Buck’s chest.

“I volunteer to be your very willing guinea pig,” Buck joked. Well, it wasn’t really a joke – he was already half hard just from the first loop. “Did you actually look up Shibari?”

Eddie scoffed amusedly as he ran the rope up Buck’s forearm and looped it around his elbow. Another knot was tied off before he answered.

“You think you’re the only one who can research,” he teased.

Fair enough.

Eddie moved to the other arm and looped the rope through again, circling it around a few times before cinching it with an almost too-tight pinch. Buck winced at the surprising bite of the rope on his skin. It didn’t outright hurt, but it definitely pulled his arms into an unnatural position which left them completely immobilized. No matter how he strained or wriggled, the knots held firm.

Eddie’s fingers grazed lightly over his skin, admiring his own handywork. The feathery touch, mixed with the taut pressure of the bind, lit an insatiable between Buck’s legs. He couldn’t stop the shallow thrust of his hips as he rubbed himself against the stiff fabric of his pants.

“You look good like this,” Eddie mused aloud, fingers still dancing across his skin. “But I think we can do better.”

Eddie then slipped his hands under the waistband of Buck’s pants and squeezed firmly at his bare cheeks. Buck tensed involuntarily at the sudden shift in sensations, his muscles hardening under Eddie’s touch as his dick gave another eager twitch. His arms tensed against his ropes, twisting and contorting what little they could in an effort to knock Eddie’s hands away.

His effort did not go unnoticed. But instead of pulling back or pushing Buck’s trapped hands away, Eddie walked his fingers around Buck’s waist and tickled torturously over the sensitive skin covering his ribs.

A manic giggle burst from Buck’s throat as his entire body sparked to life with delirious, frantic joy. He tried to swat Eddie’s hands away, only to be immediately reminded that his arms were practically useless within the rope. Instead, he resorted to writhing impotently under Eddie’s touch, ineffectively trying to avoid his tantalizing fingers. Tickling was a low blow. Eddie knew how sensitive Buck was, and had somehow figured out his weakest points far too quickly. It was like he was in Buck’s head, measuring how insane every spot of his body could make him if teased just right.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Eddie was also relentless.

Effervescent bursts of hysterical delight continued to overpower Buck’s senses as Eddie’s fingers pulled him apart. Just as quickly as Buck fought to shake off the sensations, Eddie crafted more. Buck’s arms ached from his thrashing, each twist pulling painfully at his shoulders. After one particularly cheap shot, Buck nearly lost his balance in the effort to avoid more torment. To Eddie’s credit, he did catch him before he could completely fall.

Before Buck could protest, Eddie stepped forward and pressed his chest flush against Buck’s locked arms. The weight of his body pulled at the ropes, adding a whole new level of sensation to his restraint. Slowly, sensually, Eddie wrapped his arms around Buck’s waist and worked his hands under the front hem of his shirt. Timid caresses trailed over his abdomen, fondling the dips and peaks of his abs before trailing along the sharp V of his lower abdomen. Fire seemed to follow Eddie’s touch, lighting Buck’s skin from the inside out. The heat of Eddie’s firm chest smashed up against his arms was soothing. But the bulge in his pants that nudged insistently at Buck’s trapped fingers was mouth-watering. Buck twitched eagerly under Eddie’s touch, anticipation building as his fingers drew closer and closer to his dick.

“Not just yet, my love,” Eddie purred, pulling his hands back to run them up and over Buck’s stomach, creating waves of goosebumps in their wake. “I want to make you a harness. Would you like that?”

A full-blown, honest-to-god whimper fell from Buck’s lips. He didn’t trust his voice to speak the words, afraid that saying it out loud would somehow spook Eddie into changing his mind. Instead he nodded vigorously, clutching at the hem of Eddie’s shirt where it was bunched up against him.

“I like this version of you,” Eddie mocked fondly, “Quiet. Eager. Restrained.”

Buck whined at the heat in Eddie’s tone. Less than half an hour ago all he had wanted was to sleep, but now all he could think about was letting Eddie take him, in whatever way he chose. His fingers gripped at Eddie’s shirt where it had bunched against him and leaned back into his chest, pulling them together as best he could. He could feel Eddie’s heart beating against him, lulling him into a peaceful daze. He let his head fall back onto Eddie’s shoulder, exposing the long line of his bare neck.

“Now this is a tempting sight,” Eddie sighed, his lips barely a hair away from Buck’s skin. His warm breath drifted over Buck’s throat, cooling almost instantly and bringing more sparks of interest to life under his skin.

“I’m all yours,” Buck whined, barely aware that he had even spoken. His mind felt like it was surrounded by cotton; no thoughts in or out, just the beautiful cadence of Eddie’s heartbeat tapping in time with his own.

“Mmm, all mine,” Eddie growled greedily, wrapping his fingers over Buck’s throat as he bit down on the juncture where shoulder met neck.

Electricity rocked through Buck’s body connecting the sharp sting of Eddie’s teeth directly to his dick. He rolled his hips back and up, grinding has ass against Eddie’s crotch, urging him to get on with it in the most subtle way he could manage. His fingers scrabbled at Eddie’s clothes, trying to free him, or feel him, or do anything to move things along. Buck needed to feel Eddie on him, or in him, or over him – anything. He just needed Eddie.

“Patience,” Eddie warned as he pulled away, letting his fingers linger over Buck’s throat for an extra moment, his thumb grazing over the mark he had left. “Stay here.”

Buck whipped his head around to see Eddie walking away.

No.

That was the last thing he wanted.

But Eddie had always trusted Buck to know what he could handle, and the least he could do was return that trust. He waited; although his nerves definitely made it harder to do than he expected. His arms had begun to burn from the unforgiving position and the rope really was biting into his skin, but there was an excitement deep within him that secretly loved it. The throbbing ache and stinging bite proved that he was alive; they proved what his body was capable of, and validated what it had suffered. The pressure of the rope was like an endless hug of support – a comfort meant to appease his need for belonging and quell his sense of inadequacy. He breathed deep, feeling the ropes tense and loosen with each inhale and exhale: in and out, tighten and soften, grip and release.

He wanted more.

On cue, he heard the unmistakable sound of Eddie’s plodding footsteps and released a sigh of relief. Eddie came to a halt directly in front of him this time, a new rope in his hands.

“I’ll keep it simple this time, okay,” he asked, almost hesitantly.

“I’ll take whatever you’ll give me,” Buck agreed wantonly, relief at Eddie’s return still flooding his senses.

A smirk lit up Eddie’s face and darkened his eyes.

“You may live to regret that.”

Buck doubted that very much. He watched Eddie hungrily as he wove the new rope under his shoulders, over his chest, around his waist, and back again. He could barely keep track of the pattern, but Eddie’s determined expression was more than enthralling enough to keep him satisfied. His hands were so soft compared to the tight grip of the ropes he pulled against him. Buck’s breath began to shorten, partly from the tension of the rope across his chest, but mostly from the invested look in Eddie’s eye as he stepped back to admire his work.

“How do you feel,” he asked timidly, a flicker of doubt finally coloring his tone.

“Wanted,” Buck whispered breathlessly.

The pressure of the ropes on his skin seemed to ignite his lust in a way he didn’t know was possible. Every blessed point the silk fabric touched sang out in exultation, crying for Eddie’s attention, for his kiss, his touch, whatever he would give. Each deep breath pulled the harness tighter and stretched at his restraints. It was like Eddie’s hands were everywhere at once, pressing into him. Buck could barely keep track of the sensations. Every move seemed to pull somewhere new and unexpected with it and it drove him wild. With every twist and struggle against his restraints, his hips rolled forward, rubbing his now-leaking erection into his pants. The coarse fabric burned against his sensitive skin, but the friction was worth the burn.

It wasn’t what he really wanted though.

“Eddie, fuck, I need you,” Buck whined, his hips still rocking frantically, seeking any kind of relief.

He didn’t know why that was what broke Eddie’s control, but he wasn’t about to question him.

Eddie surged forward, locking his lips over Buck’s and licking into the space between. His hands pulled at the harness, dragging Buck towards him and tightening the ropes along his back and arms. Every touch resonated through his body like ripples on a pond, bouncing into each other and careening out in all directions. Eddie’s fingers traced down Buck’s chest, pinching at his rock-hard nipples and twisting the ropes tighter as he went. Buck hadn’t ever thought his nipples were particularly sensitive, but, hot damn, were they ever sensitive now. The playful pinch nearly had him crying out from the sharp jolt of pain and pleasure that seared through him. Eddie’s hand settled at his hips, pulling the heat of him closer as he reclaimed his mouth. Buck’s breath began to burst out of him in frantic pants between Eddie’s kisses; his ribs straining to expand against the ropes. It should have been frightening, not being able to breathe freely, but the tight embrace of the harness filled him with reverence on each and every breath. Each pull reminded him how thoughtfully Eddie cared for him, how desired he was, and how safe he was in his hands. Buck’s chest swelled with emotion, straining the ropes even further as he sucked in a gulping breath. His demanded relief. He thrashed against the bindings, longing to touch, to stroke, to pull the orgasm from himself if need be.

But he couldn’t. Eddie had made sure of that.  

“Eddie, please,” he moaned, thrusting his hips forward against him. It was the only friction he could give himself.

“Only because you’ve been so good for me,” Eddie retorted arrogantly. A wave of pure liberation crashed over Buck as Eddie worked his fly open and released his pulsating erection. Buck didn’t even need to look down to know it was positively drenched with precome. “Eager, aren’t we?”

“You have no idea,” Buck moaned pitifully as Eddie worked his pants down to his thighs, caressing the swell of Buck’s ass on the way back up. “Please, Eddie, touch me. I can’t take it.”

“For you, anything,” Eddie whispered as he leaned up to kiss Buck again. It was soft and sweet, and entirely tender. Buck was so lost in the gentle feel of Eddie’s lips that he actually screamed as Eddie’s fingers wrapped around the length of him and gave two fast, tight strokes.

“Ahh!…Eds,” Buck whimpered, his head falling forward onto Eddie’s shoulder. His whole body curved inward, wrapping itself around Eddie’s hand and the glorious pleasure it brought.

“Come with me,” Eddie demanded. He kept his fingers wrapped around Buck’s erection as he shuffled backward until his knees connected with the couch.

Buck followed without hesitation, tendrils of pleasure crawling through his body from Eddie’s touch. His arms twitched anxiously as he moved, trying and failing to aid him in keeping his balance. Instead, he had to rely entire on Eddie’s grip on his dick to keep him centered. The blind trust and dependency on Eddie in that moment made him want to cry in reverence. He nearly did cry when Eddie released him and collapsed back onto the couch. But in the next second, his hand was back, stroking Buck gently from base to tip, twisting and squeezing in just the right way to have Buck writhing at his touch. The ropes around Buck’s arms burned against his skin as he wrestled powerlessly with his restraints. The feel of Eddie’s hand working over him was intoxicating; every stroke seemed to reverberate up his body, through the ropes, and back down to his dick. It was like his whole body was a switchboard, but every switch set off a chain reaction that lit all the others as well.

Suddenly, moist heat surrounded the head of his dick, sending a painfully intense pulse of pleasure rocketing through his erection and straight up his spine.

“Ohmygod,” Buck moaned, his shoulders slumping forward as pleasure melted his bones.

But the ropes wouldn’t let him collapse, they help tight and firm, forcing him to stay upright as Eddie swallowed around him and hummed over his sensitive head.

“Jesus, Eddie,” Buck panted, straining against his ropes and bucking his hips wildly into the blessed wet heat of Eddie’s mouth. He could feel bursts of precome leaking out of him as Eddie wrapped his tongue around his head and bobbed down over him. Pressure built in Buck’s sac like a dam about to burst. He could feel his orgasm coiling tighter and tighter in his gut, a perfect mirror to the ropes cutting into his skin. “I’m gonna come, Eddie, I can’t st-”

But Eddie pulled off with a pop, leaving Buck panting and achingly hard. A long string of precome and saliva hung from Eddie’s lips, keeping him connected to Buck’s dick, if only in that one way.

“You don’t get off without me,” Eddie declared sternly. “Now, turn around.”

Buck did as he was told, ignoring the insistent throb between his legs. He heard Eddie’s fly open and felt a hand press into his back to push him forward. Suddenly he felt something hot and rigid press insistently into the space between his bound hands. Oh fuck. The way his arms were tied gave him no dexterity in his wrists, but his fingers were still fully capable of maneuvering. He made a tunnel out of his palms and wrapped it over Eddie’s dick.

“Shiiiit…,” Eddie hissed out.

“Come on,” Buck urged, “You know I can’t move like this. Use your hips.”

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He rocked his hips forward, testing Buck’s grip, and hissed out a string of expletives.

“Jesus, how long have you been hard,” Buck asked astonishedly. He knew Eddie got off on seeing and hearing him, but this was insane: Eddie already sounded like he was nearly there after only a few half-hearted thrusts.

“I…told…you,” Eddie explained, punctuating each word with another thrust, “The…sounds…you…make…are…distracting.”

The next thrust sent a trail of slick fluid spilling from Eddie’s dick all over Buck’s hands and ass. The warm, sticky sensation sent a shock of urgency to his own dick. Eddie really was almost there, and Buck wanted to get there with him.

“I want to see you come,” Buck admitted seriously, not wanting Eddie to leave him behind.

“Me too,” Eddie replied, slipping himself gently from Buck’s grip. He sat back down on the couch and spun Buck around by the waist. “I still want you here.”

Eddie motioned to his lap again, like he had when they’d first started. Without any hesitation Buck re-straddled his legs and dropped down onto his thighs. He was delighted to feel that his open fly now dug into his legs the same way the ropes dug into his arms and chest. Every sensation seemed to trigger new flickers of lust until his entire body seemed to buzz with anticipation.

Eddie grabbed the harness and dragged him forward until their hips were lined up directly on top of each other. His eyes were so filled with hunger and need that they were nearly consumed by the black of his pupils. His ruddy cheeks called out to Buck, begging for him to kiss them. And so, he did. He leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss over Eddie’s cheekbones, confident that Eddie would keep him upright with his grip on the harness. Their erections bounced together haphazardly as he shifted and Buck hissed involuntarily at the contact. His dick was already way more sensitive than he thought. He wasn’t going to last long.  

“Just wait, my love,” Eddie urged as he propped Buck back up, careful not to over stimulate him. “I’ve got you. 

Eddie repositioned himself until their erections were lined up on top of each other again, then looked up at Buck with the softest, most vulnerable expression he’d ever seen. Buck wanted desperately to touch him, or to touch himself, or to do anything other than precariously balance over Eddie’s knees.

“What can I do,” he begged pathetically. “Eddie how can I help you? I want you to feel good. God, I want to feel good too. How can I help?”

“Just feel,” Eddie said cryptically with a private smile.

Buck didn’t know what to make of that at first, but in the next moment Eddie was pulling him forward by the harness with one hand and wrapping the other around both of their erections, using their combined precome to slick his fingers as he stripped them fast and tight. The tantalizing drag of Eddie’s dick along the sensitive underside of his own was mesmerizing. Electricity coursed through Buck, burning his nerves out and leaving prickling jolts of pure desire all over his body. He rocked his hips experimentally, wanting to afford Eddie any friction he could.

“Jesus, Buck,” Eddie cried out, his fingers twisting into the harness tighter to stabilize him. The ropes blistered against Buck’s back as Eddie’s head dropped down onto his chest to catch his breath. “Keep doing that.”

Buck redoubled his efforts with a smile, rocking his hips in time with Eddie’s strokes and grinding their dicks together. Heavy, labored breaths filled the air as Buck’s lungs burned with need, his entire body clenching painfully against the ropes. He was sure to have marks by the end of this, but he didn’t care – the marks would just be a reminder of Eddie. He kept his rhythm steady as his balls tightened suggestively beneath him; the orgasm that had coiled in his gut was nearing its breaking point. But he wanted Eddie to tip it with him.

“Eds, are you close,” Buck panted, hips still rocking forcefully against him.

Eddie squeezed around their lengths in response. A pained whine the only sound he could manage.

“Ahh…fuck…Eds…”

“Come with me, Buck,” Eddie gritted out, his hand tensing around them as he rocked his own hips up to meet Buck’s thrusts.

The added sensation pushed Buck over the edge. He threw his head back in a silent scream as his orgasm burst from within him, pulsing out of him and striping Eddie’s fingers with white.

To his absolute glee, he wasn’t alone. Eddie groaned out a sigh as his own orgasm added to the mess over his fingers, mixing perfectly with Buck’s. He wavered on Eddie’s lap as he watched Eddie finish, his whole body shaking from the waves of pleasure and relief pulsing through him. But Eddie held him tight, refusing to let him fall, even as he worked himself through his own orgasm.

Buck stared down at him in wonder. He still couldn’t believe he could have this. He couldn’t believe that this perfectly imperfect, but perfect-for-him, man had actually chosen him, and that he was allowed to choose him back.

They stayed there for a long moment, trading short, exhausted breaths and staring into each other’s eyes, overcome with emotion, and physically drained.

“You just don’t know how to give less than 110%, do you,” Buck asked amusedly. Eddie smiled up at him, his cheeks even more flushed as he grabbed a tissue to clean his hand off.

“You’re worth 110%, always,” Eddie confessed frankly.

Shit. He was getting really good at the whole ‘talking’ thing. Buck would have to step up his game.

“You are such a secret romantic,” Buck teased. “But I’m glad I’m the only one who gets to see this side of you. It makes me feel special.”

“You are definitely special,” Eddie mocked instantaneously. But his expression changed to something much more serious as he stared intently into Buck’s eyes. “You are the most remarkable person I’ve ever met - You deserve to feel special.”

Eddie reached up with his free hand and cupped Buck’s face. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t done before, but something about this time struck Buck as drastically different. Eddie wasn’t trying to get his attention, or check that he was okay, or even rile him up, like all the other times he’d held his face. This touch felt like an admission, an acknowledgement of his deep feelings for Buck, and of how truly singular he found him to be. Buck could feel the nervous itch of shyness rising his chest and face under Eddie’s scrutinizing gaze. It was intimidating to be loved so loudly, but he knew that, if he let it, his own love could drown out the sun itself. And so, he didn’t look away. He stared right back at Eddie and lost himself in his soft brown eyes, luxuriating in the uninhibited love and affection that passed between them.

“How do you feel,” Eddie asked suddenly, his fingers wiggling in the harness. “Is this something you want to try again sometime?”

Buck’s eyes lit up excitedly as he nodded emphatically.

“Hell yes. I want to do all of this again,” he said enthusiastically. A thought occurred to him then that hadn’t actually considered before. “Do you want to try this?”

Somehow, the red in Eddie’s cheeks deepened even further. He turned away bashfully, but a curious smile flickered over his lips.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Buck said astutely. “Don’t worry, we have plenty of time to explore whatever your heart desires. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“What if my heart just desires you,” Eddie asked softly. Buck’s throat tightened at the intensity of his query.

“If I recall, you’re already pretty skilled at exploring me – in every way possible,” he joked, trying to bring some levity to the suddenly-intense conversation. Eddie smiled up at him, but his eyes still held a question. “Eds, I would be happy just sitting with you on the couch and watching stupid camp movies for the rest of our lives. You don’t have to do anything to keep me here. I promise you – I’m not going anywhere. There’s nowhere else I’d even want to be.”

An almost imperceptible sigh of relief whistled out from Eddie’s lips.  

“I love you, Edmundo,” Buck announced suddenly. Eddie stared back him, his face open and helpless. “I mean,” Buck started again softer, “I’m in love with you, but also I just love you. There are a million things I still want to do in this world, but I don’t want to do any of them without you. I want to explore this life with you. For as long as you’ll have me.”

Eddie leaned in to press their mouths together in a passionate kiss. Buck dove in gratefully, ready to prove to Eddie just how serious he was. They kissed for a long moment, Eddie’s grip on the harness the only thing keeping Buck from losing his balance altogether. When they finally broke apart, both of their mouths were swollen and pink with faint beard burns staining the skin around their lips. It was a pretty decent look.

“So,” Buck began, flippantly, “You gonna untie me now?”

“Shit, sorry,” Eddie cursed, shaking himself as if it would have jogged his memory. “Uhh, arms first?”

“Dealer’s choice.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but still helped Buck back to his feet, tucked him back into his pants, and spun him around. His fingers worked the knots loose even more confidently than they had tied them. Heat and blood flooded into Buck’s muscles as the ropes were slackened and unwound. As amazing as it felt, it must have looked a lot worse because a muttered string of self-admonishment fell under Eddie’s breath.

“Shit, Buck, I’m so sorry. I think these were too tight.”

“No. They were perfect,” Buck argued quickly, craning his head back to find Eddie’s face, “They held me tight and still, but I didn’t lose feeling at all. If anything, I felt everything even more.”

“Really?”

The naïve wonder in Eddie’s voice was adorable. Buck realized again how lucky he was; Eddie seemed up for anything as long as Buck was happy with it, whether he understood it himself or not.

“I’ll show you next time,” Buck promised, slyly turning his head away. He would have to remember to keep exploring and broadening Eddie’s horizons.

As the last loop was released, Buck took full advantage of finally being able to move again. He stretched his arms up and over his head, wincing slightly at the sharp sting of lactic acid that had built up. It had still been worth it.

“Give me your hand,” Eddie demanded suddenly. Buck complied without thinking, but gave him a rather startled look as he did so. He had just set him free, was he planning to tie him up again?

His question was answered as Eddie’s deft fingers began kneading the tension and stiffness out of his arm. He rolled his knuckles up and down the length of his arm, digging his thumbs in at the shoulder to reset it, then massaging his biceps with absolutely perfect pressure.  

“Ohmygod, Eds,” Buck moaned unabashedly. “That feels amazing.”

“That’s why I’m doing it,” Eddie quipped, with a cocky smirk. Buck wanted to jibe back, but didn’t want to risk Eddie stopping, so he held his tongue and lost himself in the feeling of Eddie’s fingers.

Once Eddie was satisfied with the first arm, he held his hand out expectantly for the second. Buck turned quickly to obey, but was still half-dazed from pleasure and ended up slapping him in the chest with his limp arm on accident. Fortunately, Eddie was in a forgiving mood and quickly set to work massaging that arm too. A whimper of relief slipped off of Buck’s tongue as Eddie’s fingers worked the blood flow back into his body.

By the time Eddie was done, Buck felt like a ragdoll. His arms hung limply at his sides, swinging aimlessly as he shuffled from foot to foot.

“So, um,” Buck stuttered, nervous to ask for another favor after all Eddie had done.

Eddie watched him carefully, a placating smile plastered across his face.

“Can we…,” Buck tried again, eyes darting between the couch and Eddie. “Do you want to…or would you mind if w-”

“Buck, just say what you want to say,” Eddie interrupted impatiently, all pretense of patience gone.

Ok. Fine.

“I want to cuddle.”

A small, genuine smile replaced the mollifying one.

“I’d be okay with that,” Eddie replied easily. “Come here.”

He flopped down onto the couch again, but horizontally this time, stretching out over the full length of the cushions. He looked up at Buck expectantly and opened his arms wide.

Buck stared blankly for a moment. Eddie was taking up the whole couch. Where exactly was he supposed to go? Eddie, proving his clairvoyance once again, reached up for Buck’s hand and pulled him down on top of himself. His arms wrapped around Buck’s shoulders, squeezing him tight to his chest as he wrangled his ridiculous legs onto the couch with him.

“Better,” Eddie asked. Buck nuzzled down into Eddie’s chest, breathing in the comforting scent of him and letting it wrap around him like a blanket. He couldn’t imagine a more secure or soothing place.

“Much,” Buck agreed. He let his eyes drift shut as Eddie’s fingers absently traced circles onto his back. It was calming in a way Buck couldn’t explain. As if he was allowed to just live in this moment, and this was all that would be expected of him: being doted on by the man he loved.

In a matter of minutes, Buck found himself drifting off into an immeasurably satisfied sleep.

***

An insistent pounding startled Eddie awake. His eyes snapped open and immediately stung from the onslaught of bright light pouring in through his living room window. He blinked slowly, allowing his eyes to adjust to the light and confirmed that he was definitely in his living room. But his sleep-deprived mind couldn’t remember why; he didn’t usually nap on the couch. He tried to sit up, but his body felt heavier than usual, like his limbs had turned to concrete as he slept. But then a soft snoring sound jogged his memory in a flash.

Slowly, the weight holding him down started to make sense. He looked down to see the top of Buck’s head tucked against his chest. It was a hell of a way to wake up – using your six-foot two partner as an especially attractive, albeit heavy, blanket. There was a warmth in Eddie’s chest that he knew had nothing to do with the hundred-and-eighty-pound furnace lying on top of him.

The pounding that had woken him resumed. What was that? A muffled voice on the other side of his front door called out. Eddito!

“Ungghhh,” Buck groaned maturely, his arm swishing through the air next to the couch in an attempt to snooze the hypothetical alarm clock he assumed was making the noise. Eddie definitely did NOT find it to be adorable.

“Hey, you wanna get the door,” Eddie asked Buck drowsily, prodding the top of his head with his fingernails. Personally, he was too sleepy to get up from his sprawled position on the couch. Although, to be fair, he couldn't actually get up with Buck’s entire body still draped over him. Their post-shift tension-relief had definitely worn them both out.

His neck twinged from falling asleep in such an awkward position, but the reward of having gotten to use Buck as a blanket was more than worth a sore neck. It had probably been a major mistake to not take advantage of the entire naptime they had been granted before Chris got home, but looking up at Buck’s bleary-eyed smile as he rubbed the sleep from his face somehow made up for it.

“Wha- time ‘s’it,” Buck grumbled as he pulled himself up into a seated position on top of Eddie’s thighs.

The shift in warmth left Eddie feeling alone and cold, but his sore thighs groaned under Buck’s sleepy weight.

“Time for you to get off of me, you hulk,” Eddie griped as he tried, and failed, to slide his legs out from under Buck’s butt. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy Buck’s butt, in fact he enjoyed it a little too much, however, his legs were starting to lose feeling.

“Wimp,” Buck teased as he hopped off the couch and straightened his clothes. “Fix your shirt, Eds, I don’t want them to think I took advantage of you.”

“As if you could,” Eddie mumbled under his breath indignantly.

He did, however, stand up to smooth out his suspiciously wrinkled pants. When he looked back up Buck was right there, barely an inch away from his nose, his eyes glowing darkly with determination.

“You still think I can’t take you, esé?”

A tremor of unbridled and unidentifiable energy surged through Eddie’s body. He didn’t know if it was anger, excitement, dominance, or aggression, but the mingled feelings left his nerves flayed. He would never fight Buck, not for real. But there was something about Buck’s question that stoked his competitive nature. Instead of rising to the challenge, Eddie surged forward and wrapped his hand behind Buck’s neck, pulling him into an aggressive, domineering kiss. Buck backed down immediately, parting his lips to welcome him into his mouth and groaning around the feel of Eddie massaging their tongues together. Eddie’s other hand groped down Buck’s chest and over the waist of his pants to cup the bulge of his flaccid dick, thrusting his grip upwards possessively. Buck mewled into his mouth, his body caving forward at the feel of Eddie’s hand on him, but his lips continued to work his mouth open. Fingernails traced up Eddie’s back, leaving sparks in their wake, before raking through his hair and sending an icy shower of shivers down his spine.

More loud knocking interrupted their impromptu stand-off, and they sprung apart like they’d been electrocuted. Buck stood panting for a long moment, his cheeks flushed and his lips red and swollen. Eddie didn’t think he would ever tire of that look.  

“Still think you’d win,” Eddie teased with a cocky tilt of his head. Buck blushed harder as he readjusted his suddenly-tight pants.

“You’re the devil,” he whined petulantly. “And you can answer your own damn door.”

With that he stalked off to the bathroom to let himself cool down. Eddie knew he shouldn’t tease him, but it was just so easy. And so much fun. He deserved to have some fun. And it wasn’t like Buck didn’t give just as good as he got.

Eddie marched to the front door with a new confidence in his step and threw it open excitedly, dropping down to one knee to greet Christopher.

“Hey, Buddy! How was your day with abuela?”

Christopher stumbled into Eddie’s arms, his crutches clattering between them as he gave him a bear hug. Eddie’s abuela stood in the doorway, smiling fondly at the scene.

“We hear your…partner had a tough call,” she said calmly, but with great significance.

Eddie smiled up at her, an appreciative glimmer in his eyes. He could tell how hard she was trying. He had honestly expected some push back from his family, even though he’d hoped to avoid it, but he had never expected such a quick turn-around.

“He’s a firefighter, it comes with the territory,” Eddie admitted, less bitterly than he expected. “But he made it out in one piece, because he is frustratingly good at what he does. He’s probably even better than me.” He turned his attention to Chris and quickly added, “Don’t tell him I said that!”

Chris giggled as he stood back up and got his crutches re-aligned.

“I’m telling,” Chris retorted in a sing-song voice, swaying gently in taunt.

“He’s been telling me all about…his Buck, all day,” she said amusedly. “He is impressive.”

“I’ve noticed,” Eddie said quietly, almost to himself, but he caught his abuela’s understanding look. “I really do think you’re going to love him as much as I do, abuela. Eventually.”

“I hope so, Edito,” she admitted candidly. “I want you to be happy.”

Eddie rose to his feet and wrapped his abuela in a crushing hug, hoping that she could feel the almost painful swell of love in his heart as he leaned down to kiss her head.

“Abuela, I didn’t know I could I be this happy,” he admitted quietly, his lips still pressed into her hair, as if saying the words too loudly would break whatever spell they’d found themselves under. She leaned back to look up at him. She seemed to be searching his face for something, scrutinizing every line and feature. Eddie began to feel anxious under her intense stare.

“Happy looks good on you,” she decided finally with a quick squeeze of Eddie’s arms before letting him go and ushering Christopher to the couch.

Eddie was frozen in place, mind reeling from her comments. The past two weeks had completely changed his life. He felt like a new person, like the person he was meant to be all along – more open and understanding, more patient and loving, less of a soldier and more of a man. He <i>knew</i> that he felt different, but he had no idea that he even looked different. And it was all thanks to Buck.

As if on cue, Buck appeared from the hallway.

“Christopher! How’s my favorite Diaz doing,” Buck asked excitably, tossing a cheeky wink Eddie’s way.

Chris responded in kind, wiggling over to give him a hug. Eddie’s heart soared as Buck lifted Chris into the air and spun him around the room. Delighted squeals of laughter filled the air, almost evenly distributed between Chris and Buck. Eddie didn’t miss the way his abuela watched the scene. It wasn’t with the same fondness she reserved for him and Christopher, but it was close.

A gentle relief pulsed through him from that one simple look. It was finally clear to him that he <i>could</i> have this; he could have Buck, and Christopher, and his family, and his job. He could see his happiness sitting in front of him, just waiting for him to claim it, waiting for him to admit that he wanted it – that he deserved it.

And so, he did.

He claimed his happiness whole-heartedly. He opened himself up to all the joy and turmoil to come, all the laughter and tears, all the love and misery. He welcomed it all. His happiness was there with his family; the family he chose and the family he was born into. Tears sprung to his eyes as he realized that after decades of searching, and failing, and not measuring up, he had finally found where he was supposed to be, who he was supposed to be, and how it was all supposed to feel. He watched with a desperately fond smile as his heart danced around the room in two equal parts, both beaming pure, positive light into his world.

“Hey Chris, you wanna help me make tacos for dinner,” Buck asked as he slowly lowered Chris back onto his own feet.

Eddie was amused that Buck had remained blissfully unaware of the earth-shattering realization he’d just experienced. But somehow that made it even better: it had been Eddie’s moment, and Eddie’s alone, so he could make his choice with a clear, rational mind. And he couldn’t be happier with his decision.

“You want to ask your abuela to stay for dinner,” Buck stage-whispered in Chris’ ear dramatically. Chris’ eyes lit up as he turned to face his grandmother.

“Abuela, can Buck and I make you dinner,” Chris asked excitedly. It was a clever move on Buck’s part – there was no way she could say no to that face.

“Of course, cariño,” she agreed easily, looking up at Buck with a tell-tale Diaz smirk. “Would you like my help, Evito? I have secret family recipes to pass on. And I know my Edito will never use them.”

Eddie was almost offended, but more than anything he was completely stunned by his abuela calling Buck, ‘Evito’ – not even Evan, but Evito – as if he was part of the family already.

The significance was not lost on Buck either; his face was the picture of disbelief.

“I would love that,” Buck said, almost at a whisper. There was a tightness to his voice that Eddie recognized immediately as unshed tears. At least this time he was positive they were tears of joy. “I would hate for your trade secrets to go to waste on him,” Buck teased with a nod in Eddie’s direction. “I didn’t even know it was possible to mess up boiling water until I met him.”

“That was one time, Evan! Just one! And I have learned to check which burner I’m using since then,” Eddie argued, putting on an indignant tone for fun. Buck winked back, happy to have him play along. His abuela actually laughed at the familiarity of their taunting.

“Come, come,” she said, pulling Buck into the kitchen by the elbow. “We will leave him dishes to clean. He can do that.”

A bark of laughter erupted from Buck’s throat as they all shuffled to the kitchen. Eddie wasn’t sure he liked that they were ganging up on him, but he was sure that he liked this new view of his family – three generations, happily working in tandem. His eyes drifted to the picture Christopher had drawn the day before, the one with the whole family together, the one he had proudly hung on the refrigerator as soon as they’d gotten home.

This was his happiness. This was what he deserved. And for once in his life, he wasn’t going to question it, or balk at it, or try to hide from it. This was what he wanted, and this was what he chose.