Chapter Text
A/N:
Remember children, alcohol is bad for you. It makes you do things you are going to regret.
Yamato calls him senpai in my fic because it’s too cute.
Yo guys, this is the last chapter. After I finish ‘Another word for desperate’ I’ll disappear into obscurity again…
Sorry that I didn’t update in so long. Actually, this chapter has been almost finished for three weeks, but I just didn’t want to write the last conversation …
STORY START
„We’re back!“ Naruto shouted and threw the door open.
The guards didn’t try to stop him, knowing it was futile. Sasuke was trailing behind Naruto, looking bored. Naruto marched towards Kakashi’s desk, slamming his hand down on it.
“That was so boring! All we found was… old documents! There was nothing to do, so we stopped at wave country on the way back and visited Inari.”
Kakashi looked at Sasuke in order to confirm Naruto’s words. Sasuke nodded slightly.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Did you write your report yet?” Kakashi took in their appearance. It seemed as if they had just arrived in Konoha.
“You don’t sound sorry at all,” Naruto grumbled. “Yea, we wrote it on our way. It was so boring, so it’s really short.”
Sasuke walked towards the desk, dropping the report on it, before moving to stand next to Naruto again. Kakashi leafed through the report.
“You mean Sasuke wrote it. All right, I’ll look at it later.”
“Naruto,” Minato’s quiet voice interrupted their friendly banter.
Naruto’s head whipped around, staring at Minato, before he turned to glare at Kakashi.
“What kind of joke is this?” He shouted angrily.
“This is no joke,” Kakashi said calmly. “Sasuke, why don’t we head out for a bit? I’m sure they have a lot to catch up on.”
Kakashi stood up and inconspicuously nudged Sasuke, who looked slightly confused, towards the door.
“Kakashi. Why is there a person who looks like the Yondaime in your office? It wasn’t a genjutsu.”
“It wasn’t,” Kakashi confirmed. “It’s the Yondaime. Before you ask, I’m getting tired of explaining time and time again. Just ask Naruto later, he’ll tell you anyway.”
“Fine.”
“What kind of documents did you find?”
“We found several on the history of the Uzumaki clan and the Senju clan. Others were sealing jutsu records and family records. We weren’t able to retrieve the scroll Orochimaru used to free the souls.”
Kakashi clenched his teeth. “Damn it.”
Sasuke raised an eyebrow. “It’s rare to see you so agitated. Does it have to do with the man in your office?”
Kakashi looked at him. “Maybe,” he said, before leaving Sasuke to his own devices.
He left the Hokage coat with one of his employees, before going out. It was obvious that he would be spending lunch time alone that day and wanted to remain undetected. Even if he was happy for Minato that he finally saw Naruto again and would be able to spend time with him properly, it was also troubling him. Now that Naruto was back, Minato would surely move in with Naruto, to make up for the time they were unable to see each other. It was selfish, but he didn’t want Minato to leave him.
The café looked the same time as it did when he visited it with Minato, but the waitress was gone. He sat down in the same spot they had chosen last time and ordered a black coffee. It made him think of the time the waitress had confused them to be a couple, and he smiled slightly, while sipping his coffee. There probably wouldn’t be any opportunities like that anymore. When he saw Sasuke and Naruto interacting, he was a bit jealous. It was obvious that Naruto understood Sasuke without words. To him, Minato was an enigma. What was Minato thinking? It eluded him.
After he finished his coffee and a sandwich, he went back to his office, getting his coat back on the way. Naruto and Minato were laughing at something, oblivious to the world around them. Kakashi cleared his throat to make them aware of his presence. Their laughter trickled down to a chuckle.
“Kakashi, you’re back,” Minato was smiling gently.
“Kakashi-sensei! Tou-chan told me all about it. Thanks for taking such great care of him!”
“Ah, it was nothing.” Kakashi walked around his desk and sat down. “Minato-sensei, why don’t you take the day off? I’m sure there’s still plenty you want to talk about with Naruto.”
“Thank you, I think I will do that. What do you think, Naruto?”
“You’re even asking? That’s a great idea. Thanks, sensei!”
Kakashi waved it off. A second later, Naruto was storming out of the office, impatiently waiting for Minato at the door.
“I’ll be home for dinner,” Minato reassured him.
Kakashi shrugged his shoulders, wondering what kind of expression he had been showing Minato. The rest of the day seemed bleak to him due to Minato’s absence. Over the last few weeks, he had grown accustomed to the motivating presence in his office.
When he entered his front door, it smelled like food. An unusual sight greeted him. There, at his small table, were three people. Minato was not an unknown presence to him, but he was astonished when he saw Sasuke alongside Naruto.
“Okaeri,” Minato greeted him. “Sorry for inviting them without your consent, I hope you don’t mind.”
Naruto looked at Minato, then at Kakashi. “Sorry for intruding. I hope you don’t mind that I brought Sasuke along.”
“No, not at all,” Kakashi said politely, although he wasn’t too impressed by the fact that Naruto and Sasuke were in his apartment.
“Shall we eat?” Minato broke the silence.
Dinner was tense for Kakashi and Sasuke, but Minato and Naruto were able to talk to each other freely. When Minato excused himself to go to the bathroom, Naruto spoke up.
“I’m not going to take him away from you, you know.”
“What?” Kakashi didn’t believe his ears.
“You looked at me like Sasuke does when I talk to Hinata,” Naruto explained. Then he grinned at Sasuke.
Sasuke elbowed him.
“Ouch,” Naruto rubbed his rips.
Sasuke glared at him. “What are you talking about,” he demanded.
“You look jealous, is what I’m saying.” Naruto seemed to be gloating.
“You must be delusional,” Sasuke said coldly.
“Who looks jealous?” Minato seemed curious.
“Haha, no one,” Naruto laughed it off. “I was just making a joke,” he said, but looked at Sasuke tenderly.
Sasuke averted his eyes.
So Kakashi had been right. Naruto and Sasuke were closer than they seemed. However, he didn’t know what to make of Naruto’s comment. His emotions needed to be controlled properly. It was him who should be saying that he wouldn’t take Minato from Naruto. He knew something needed to be done.
“Minato-sensei,” he began, as soon as Naruto and Sasuke left. They were washing the dishes.
“Yes? I’m sorry, if it’s about them coming over-“
“It’s not,” Kakashi interrupted him. “I was just thinking, now that Naruto’s back, I’m sure you would want to live with him. If you want, I can show you some apartments that are available.”
Minato smiled and Kakashi mentally prepared himself.
“But I don’t think that will be necessary.” Minato handed Kakashi the last plate.
“What?” Kakashi asked dumbly. “Why not? It’s the fastest way.”
Minato smiled a little, but he looked sad. “Naruto is an adult now.” He turned away from Kakashi, unfastened his apron and put it away. Then he turned to Kakashi again, looking like his usual cheerful self. “Are you getting tired of living with me?”
“Never,” Kakashi replied truthfully.
“Me neither.”
Kakashi smiled at Minato’s admission.
Just as Minato had promised, they continued to live together. Minato often went out after dinner to meet Naruto and Kakashi enjoyed the quiet. He didn’t mind handing Minato over to Naruto in the evening hours, since he had Minato to himself during the day. After the second week of spending nearly every evening alone, he decided to bother his favorite kohai.
“Yondaime-sama, senpai, here are the assessments of the new genin,” Yamato greeted them.
“Why aren’t you calling me Rokudaime-sama? You call him Yondaime too, after all,” Kakashi acted like he was sulking.
“Old habits die hard,” Yamato told him.
“That’s true,” Kakashi admitted freely. “What are you doing this evening?”
“Working on the contracts you gave me, why? I’m not slacking off, don’t worry.”
“That’s not why I was asking. Maybe we could go for a drink,” Kakashi suggested casually.
Yamato looked at Minato, then back at Kakashi. “Maybe another time,” he looked a bit nervous.
“Today is good. You don’t need to finish those contracts by tomorrow.”
“But-“
“No buts. Eight, at the usual place.”
“Fine,” Yamato finally gave in. “Be on time,” he warned.
With one last look at Minato, he left.
“Ah, so you and him?” Minato sounded a little tense. “Good luck…then. I’ll be training with Naruto, so I’ll be home late.”
“Thanks for telling me,” Kakashi said, effectively ending their conversation.
Minato was oddly silent for the rest of the day.
Ten minutes after eight, he arrived at the bar he and Yamato had agreed on.
“Yo!” Kakashi held up a hand in greeting.
“You’re late.”
“It’s only ten minutes, don’t be like that,” Kakashi said amicably.
Yamato sighed. “You’re hopeless, although you’re not as late as you used to be. Let’s go in.”
Yamato entered the bar and sat down at a table for two, next to the window. They both ordered sake.
“Why did you want to meet me? Do you want to talk about, you know, again?” Yamato sounded awkward.
“No, I just wanted to spend some time with my kohai.”
“You know that… Minato will think that we’re on a date.”
“Actually, I wasn’t thinking about that. But even if he does, it doesn’t matter,” Kakashi said nonchalantly.
“It does matter, if he looks like he wants to murder me!” Yamato raised his voice a bit.
“I think you’re being a bit dramatic. The ‘If you hurt him…’ speech should happen much later, believe me.” Kakashi didn’t understand Yamato’s reaction.
“That’s not what it looked like to me. Anyway, I don’t think that that’s going to happen anyway.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think it’s more ‘if you dare lay a hand on Kakashi’…” Yamato explained.
“What are you suggesting?” Kakashi asked suspiciously.
“I think that he likes you.”
Kakashi laughed. “What a joke,” he said dryly.
“It’s not a joke. He talks only to you and Naruto… Well, lately Sasuke as well. He cooks for you and lives with you. If he only liked you as a friend, I don’t think he would treat you this way. If you were only a former student, then he wouldn’t be this close to you.”
“He just feels guilty, that’s all,” Kakashi reasoned. “It’s not like he can make normal friends, since nobody really knows who he is. And after what happened to Naruto, I doubt he would want to associate with his old friends.”
“If that’s what you want to think,” Yamato answered noncommittally.
“It is.”
They spent the rest of their evening talking about work-related matters and reminiscing about the time they spent training Naruto. Before they knew it, it had become close to midnight.
“Senpai, It’s getting late. I should be going home.”
“Right, let’s go.”
They paid and walked down the streets quietly.
“I think you should talk about it with him,” Yamato blurted out.
“That went really well last time,” Kakashi said sarcastically.
“I know, but…” He stopped, frustrated. “You’re right. It was a bad idea.”
“It wasn’t,” Kakashi reassured him. “I just felt like I couldn’t face him anymore, if I told him the truth.”
“This is a complicated situation,” Yamato remarked.
“Who are you telling this to?” Kakashi sighed.
“I’m not very good at this,” Yamato confessed.
“Don’t worry about that. I’m not too good at it either, as you can see. We work together every day, we eat together every day, and we sleep in the same apartment. Still, I can’t tell him the truth.”
Yamato stayed silent, and Kakashi felt embarrassed.
“Well,” he cleared his throat, “see you tomorrow.”
“See you. I’ll hand in the contracts the day after tomorrow.”
“Ah, please do that.”
He mulled over Yamato’s words. Could it really be possible? Did Minato feel the same as him? No, it was simply too farfetched. Letting himself continue to think that way was the fastest route to getting his hopes up.
When he entered his apartment, he noticed that the living room lights were on. Minato was sitting at his table, looking pensive. In front of him there were two small sake cups and a bottle of sake. As Kakashi entered the room, he looked up and smiled.
“Ah, there you are. Why don’t we have a drink?” Minato motioned for him to sit down.
Suspiciously, Kakashi sat down and eyed Minato.
“I just drank with Yamato, but I can keep you company,” he offered.
“Do it for me, please?” Minato’s voice was small.
“Did you fight with Naruto?”
Minato looked down at the sake bottle in his hands. “I didn’t, but he talked some sense into me.”
“Do you want to tell me about it?” Something was obviously bothering Minato, judging by the way he still avoided eye contact.
“I want to… but I don’t know if I should,” he laughed awkwardly.
Kakashi didn’t know what to say. He agreed with Minato; he wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear what he had to say.
Minato breathed in deeply. “When I woke up, I didn’t really want to live like this anymore,” he started, but stopped for a moment. His eyes rested on the table. “I still feel like it’s my fault that Kushina died. I still can’t believe she’s gone.” They stayed silent for a while.
Kakashi was trying hard to come up with any comforting words, but it seemed like his mouth was unable to form any.
“I woke up and she’s still gone. It’s not fair. I was the one who should have died.” He took another deep breath, and finally looked at Kakashi with a determined look. “But you’re here now. You show me that I can still be useful and that people still like me. I feel like I can start over again.”
“She would want you to be happy.” It sounded generic and too forced, but he hoped that it would sound comforting, at least the tiniest bit. He wasn’t too good at comforting words.
“Even if I am responsible for her death?” Minato looked so sad, it made Kakashi’s heart clench.
“You aren’t the one who killed her. Some things are beyond our control,” he replied calmly. The words sounded empty to him; it wasn’t like he didn’t blame himself for things that were out of his control all the time. He just hoped that Minato hadn’t caught on yet.
“I feel like it should have been in my control,” Minato hid his face behind his hands, but he didn’t cry. He just sounded tired, so very tired. “It makes me think of the time that Obito died.”
“I was the team captain, I should have protected him.”
“You were only a child then,” Minato ground out. “I shouldn’t have burdened you with such a responsibility, but sadly war doesn’t always allow us the freedom of choice.”
“I was never a child.” And it was true. He wasn’t. Not after his father died; not even before that.
“But we can’t change the past. I wish I could. Every day, I wish for it. But I can’t, and life goes on. Every day, I was tormented by the thought of everyone I had let down, everyone who died before me. It was hard for me, before I found a new purpose.” Kakashi smiled a little, as he thought of Naruto.
“Your son, he is someone I want to support at all costs. Even if I can’t change the past, I can change the future. I can change the way people think, even if only by supporting Naruto.”
“You make it sound so easy,” Minato smiled weakly.
“It’s not easy, but you know that already. That’s why you wanted to become hokage. You wanted to change things,” Kakashi reminded him.
Minato needed to focus on who he really was, even if he wasn’t as perfect as Kakashi had always envisioned him to be. He had put the man on a pedestal. It was even relieving to get to know the real Minato, the one who had fears and doubts just like everyone else. Kakashi just hadn’t seen it before.
“You’re right. Thank you, Kakashi.”
“No problem. If that’s all, I’ll take a shower and go to sleep.” He moved to stand up, but was stopped.
“Wait! That’s not what I wanted to talk about, I mean it was but…”
Kakashi held his hands up. “Slow down. What did you want to talk about, then?”
“I don’t want you to think that I only think about the past. I don’t. I found a new purpose as well.” Minato had a determined look in his eyes. “So, Naruto told me that you can’t possibly like Yamato. He said that you have shown no interest in anyone, be it female or … male.”
Kakashi stiffened. Naruto that brat… “What does that have to do with your new purpose? Besides, Naruto isn’t the most perceptive person,” Kakashi remarked. It was true that Naruto wasn’t one to pay too much attention to his surroundings, but his assessment in this case was accurate.
“Sasuke said the same.”
“Sasuke isn’t known to understand people very well,” Kakashi said sarcastically.
“Naruto made me aware of something…” Minato was watching his reactions, seeing if he would give himself away.
“Fine,” Kakashi conceded, “I haven’t had any lover ever since I started training team seven.”
“Since you started training team seven?” Minato raised an eyebrow. “That sounds like a very long time.”
Kakashi wasn’t about to tell him that he had never had any meaningful relationship at all, so he settled on simply shrugging.
“So, Naruto made me aware of a fact… And that is, that you might like me.” Minato sounded nervous.
Kakashi hadn’t expected it. He was at a loss for words. It seemed a lot harder to lie to Minato’s face directly. “He said that?”
“Sometimes I think he’s more perceptive than you think.”
“So you think it’s true,” Kakashi needed to make sure. Their relationship was about to become a lot more complicated. Once your feelings were out in the open, it was always like there was something between you, something that made you feel embarrassed.
Minato waited a few moments, before answering, “That night, it wasn’t a dream, and it wasn’t you who started it. I’m sure.” He looked almost ashamed. “When I saw you after being alone for so long, my first thoughts were… Well, they were that you became a very attractive man. And my next reaction was shock. I never knew that I liked men.” Minato chuckled.
Kakashi sat down again. He almost couldn’t trust his ears. “What are you saying?” He asked, his voice a lot louder than he intended.
“I’m saying that I think that you like me, and that I… might like you, too.”
Kakashi’s heart was beating so fast that he hoped that Minato couldn’t hear it. He tried to seem nonchalant. “That’s fine. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything. I’m nice to you because you’re my old teacher.”
“I’m not doing this because I think I owe you something.”
“I don’t believe it.” It was impossible that Minato had feelings for him. If he simply found him attractive, that was understandable. He never knew why, but people found him attractive and flirted with him.
“I know, it’s improper. I’m your teacher. Forgot that I said anything, please,” Minato apologized profusely. It seemed as if he thought that Naruto had been wrong.
“That’s not it. I don’t have anything to offer, and you know everything I’ve done. All people who died because I couldn’t protect them.” Kakashi’s breath hitched. “I’m not a good person.”
“Weren’t you the one who just told me that there are things beyond your control? Besides, I think you have a lot to offer. You are intelligent, witty, strong and… good-looking. You value yourself far too little.”
“Why is good-looking at the end?” Kakashi joked. They both relaxed visibly as the tension eased up.
“I didn’t want you to think that I like you because of your looks because I’m sure that it happens a lot to you,” Minato explained.
Kakashi nodded.
“We don’t have to decide right away. How about this, tomorrow, we will go on our second date and then see where it goes from there.” Minato smiled at him.
Kakashi felt his cheeks warm up. “Second date?”
“Wasn’t our first date when we went to the café? The one were the waitress thought we were a couple,” Minato chuckled.
Kakashi rolled his eyes, but smiled despite himself. “That sounds good.”
“Then it’s settled. How about we take that shower together?” Minato winked.
“No.”
“Too soon?”
“I still can’t believe it.”