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Self Love

Chapter 10: Notes After The End

Summary:

Someone asked what the future looked like for Virgil and Janus and if they would ever reconcile. While I'm not sure I'll ever come back to Self Love, I did want to share my thoughts on that question.

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I think that going forward Janus and Virgil will be okay, but it will be slow going. A person with anxiety and a person like Janus are an inherently a stressful mix. Janus can be very bluntly honest, but he also leaves people guessing. Anyone with anxiety is going to find guessing at someone's intentions or meaning to be very stressful and unsettling. But if Virgil can see that the others do trust Janus' intentions (if not his words), he might be able to trust in them if not in Janus himself. 

But I'd also like to think that Janus would make some efforts to change to make it easier for Virgil. He's Deceit. He can't change who he fundamentally is. But maybe he could lean more into the blunt honesty side of himself when speaking with Virgil. Or, oddly, lean into the super-obvious-I'm-being-a-sarcastic-shit side. When Deceit is being really sarcastic (I don't know anything about words, can't have too many trees, etc.), it's very, very obvious. He's lying in a technical sense, I guess, but there's no actual ambiguity. Removing the ambiguity is the important part for Virgil.

But...they also at some point are going to need to have a conversation about why Janus drove Virgil away. I like to think that he never did anything *too* awful. It wasn't one big event.  Instead he did similar to what he does with Thomas in the fic- kept pulling conversations around in circles and made it very frustrating to be around him. And because Virgil is Anxiety, he couldn't deal with it with the same patience and stubbornness as Thomas. So they gradually grew more distant until Virgil just...left.  Even his leaving wasn't one big, dramatic showdown.  He just stayed away for longer and longer periods. 

They're going to have to discuss it and Janus is going to avoid that shit like the plague. Someone is going to have to force it and it's going to be super uncomfortable and weird and absolutely nothing will get resolved at first. Janus is going to have to apologize and admit that even if he thought he was doing it for the right reasons and *even though it worked*, it was still a really hurtful, shitty thing to do.  I wouldn't want Virgil to forgive and sweep it under the rug immediately just because Janus meant well.  Sometimes we do need to push people, but we also need to be very, very careful with that line of thinking.  So I would want Janus to feel real consequences for his choices, and part of that is that Virgil may eventually accept him but never forgive him.  Or they may become friends, but will never have quite the same closeness that they used to have.  As much as I want a happy ending for them both, and I really do, there may always be a shadow over their relationship.