Chapter Text
Sam stood in the room, he wasn't supposed to be there, but he couldn't NOT be, either. Even after the blood transfusion, Jimmy was still so pale, and his heart rate and blood pressure were still down. The bruises on the left side of Jimmy's face were even more apparent on his pale skin. The wrapped bandages on both arms running from his wrists up to his elbows were just a further reminder of just how much Jimmy - Castiel - had wanted to end his life.
Sam glanced at the door before putting his right hand gently on the left side of Jimmy's face - not even paying attention to his scabbed-over knuckles, and then sitting gently on the bed Jimmy was on, his right leg bent inward while his left foot was still on the floor. 'Jimmy, I am so sorry.' Sam whispered.
He moved his hand up into Jimmy's hair, starting to slowly massage his scalp - Dean would scalp him if he ever figured out that that was something Sam had picked up from Benny that apparently worked wonders at relaxing/soothing Dean. 'I don't blame you. And, I've never really thought you were delusional. I've always just thought you had a very active imagination. Such a beautiful thing, I just wanted others to see, that's why I started the Hunter Brothers series. I wanted other people to see just what a beautiful mind you have, I still do. I want THE WORLD to see it!' Sam whispered in admiration.
Sam kept massaging Jimmy's scalp as he let his eyes drift closed. He'd been awake all night and was about ready to crash but he wouldn't let himself sleep, yet. 'Please - please Jimmy, just wake up and I'll do things right. I don't know how, I'm not even sure what they are, yet - just please, wake up.' Sam whispered with a hint of desperation in his voice. Sam opened his eyes and looked at the small scab on the side of Jimmy's neck where he cut himself too deep, he would honestly be surprised if it didn't leave a scar.
Sam knew he needed to get ready for school, the year was close to its end and if he planned to keep the scholarship into the following year…he couldn't just not show for the last two weeks. Professor Randall had covered for him on Monday but he couldn't expect that, again. But God help him, he didn't want to leave. Sam huffed a sad smile. 'You wouldn't be too happy if I got kicked out of college, would you?' Sam whispered.
Sam glanced around. 'Alright, alright, I'll go, but I'll be back as soon as my classes are over. Don't go doing anything stupid until I get back, understand?' Sam whispered before doing something on the spur of the moment and quickly leaned forward to press his lips to Jimmy's forehead. He only lingered a few seconds before a loud beeping sound started - or that would be Sam's best explanation for the sound, if he hadn't fallen off the bed when it started, startling him into a half-jump away from Jimmy only to put all his weight down on a leg that had apparently fallen asleep.
'You should not be in here'. Sam heard a woman's voice faintly say - faint only because of the volume of the beeping/alarm. Sam managed to get up on his knees and looked at the nurse then at Jimmy realizing finally what the sound meant before hefting himself slightly unsteadily onto his feet. Jimmy's heart had stopped.
As soon as the words 'code blue' were out of the nurse's mouth, things started happening in rapid succession. Sam wasn't entirely sure how he ended up standing outside the exit of the hospital but the new soreness is his right hand and the busted lip of the security guard told him he was probably lucky he wasn't being charged.
xXxXx
Dean sat on the plane waiting for take-off, if the flight attendant tried to take his earbuds, he would probably end up throwing a fit - he did not like planes. He knew mechanics well enough to know that cars and motorcycles could continue running well for DECADES if they're well maintained - he could probably build one if he ever had the desire to do so, but planes were flying death traps and someone would be hard pressed to convince him otherwise, no matter how well-maintained they were. If it wasn't for the fact that Sam was in California and needed his brother - whether he'd admit it or not - sooner than Baby could get Dean there, he'd be driving. He hated planes! He despised planes! He - was being stared at by the man in the window seat next to him.
Dean took his left ear bud out before turning his attention to the man next to him. The man was blonde and dressed head to toe in black. 'What'? Dean asked cautiously. He didn't like being stared at, he never had. Even when trying to get laid when he was going through women like pie - he hadn't liked being stared at, which always made his interactions with the woman or sometimes, women…unique. God, he hoped he only had the two kids because God only knew how many women he slept with without protection, which was also why Benny had made him get tested before he'd sleep with him.
'Classic Metallica?' The blonde asked curiously.
It took Dean a few moments to realize what the man was asking. He glanced at his cassette player, his loose ear bud, and then returned his attention to the man. 'Uh, yeah.' Dean said, still cautious - something about this man was just…different.
'Can't beat classic rock.' The blonde said.
'No.' Dean agreed. 'So, what are you heading to San Francisco for?' He decided to ask.
'Trying to find my damn son.' The blonde said irritated.
'Have you considered the police?' Dean asked, once again cautious - his alarm bells were going off like they had the first time his dad - nope! He wasn't going there. THAT was extremely rare and normally it had him running the opposite direction.
'They're no help. I've been on my own trying to find him for quite sometime.' The blonde said.
'So, you think he's in San Francisco?' Dean asked.
'It's the last place I can think of that he could be, he couldn't have just up and vanished unless -' The blonde shook his head. 'Nevermind, he couldn't have disappeared.' The blonde continued.
'So, WHY do you think he's in San Francisco?' Dean asked - okay, even if his alarm bells were going off…the man was serving as a nice distraction from the plane about to take-off.
'I don't, I think he's in Palo Alto.' The man said.
'Why?' Dean couldn't stop himself from asking. Something in him was screaming that this was bad! And, he couldn't figure out just what or why.
'Because, I finally tracked him down to Pontiac, Illinois. When I figured out he'd left there only a day or so ago, I tracked down his…wife. It took some convincing but she admitted that he'd went out to California with some college kid. But, California is a big state so I decided to try tracking down the kids brother - it was actually easier to track down the brothers husband. It was just a matter of connecting certain dots together to realize that the kid goes to Stanford, so that's where I'm heading…or the general area, since I don't figure he'd be stupid enough to take my son on campus with him.' The blonde explained. 'I just have to find the kid and then I figure I'll find my son.' The blonde finished.
'Leave Sammy the hell alone, you son of a bitch!' Dean snapped in a hushed but clipped tone. Every, big brother instinct he had kicking into high gear.
The blonde chuckled. 'Dean, oh Dean, I really don't give a fuck about your dear baby brother. I want my son.' He said mockingly.
'And, why the hell are you after Jimmy? You're not old enough to be his father.' Dean asked angrily.
'Jimmy, huh? I'm not after James Novak, I'm after Castiel.' The blonde said smugly.
'And, who the hell do you think you are to think he'll want anything to do with you?' Dean snapped.
'You wouldn't believe me if I told you.' The blonde said honestly.
'Try me.' Dean said annoyed.
'Well, my name's Lucifer but since I doubt you want to think you're sitting next to the Devil while on a flying death trap, just call me Nick.' The blonde - Lucifer - Nick said smiling.
'I'm dead. The plane has crashed, I'm dead, and instead of facing God's 'judgment'…I'm going to relive it while being seated next to the Devil.' Dean thought to himself.
Nick laughed and shook his head. 'Sure, Dean…if that's what you want to go with, we can go with that'. Nick said still smiling.
Dean just stared wide-eyed and open-mouthed at Nick - okay, maybe he was the one losing his mind because he was certain he hadn't said that out loud. And, the occasional red flicker in Nick's eyes was even more unnerving.
xXxXx
Matthew had called Sam to see if he was coming to school. Sam had admitted that he'd come, Jimmy just had to get out of critical condition first. Matthew said he'd try to cover for him but that he'd need Sam's homework from over the weekend and would bring him Monday's and Tuesday's that evening after the day ended. Sam agreed, knowing Matthew was going out on a pretty unsturdy limb to be doing that so close to the end of the school year. And, Sam also knew what he - Sam - was risking…but Jimmy HAD TO BE okay!
The doctors had gotten Jimmy's heart restarted only for it to stop three more times and while they'd gotten it restarted every time, after the fourth time, Sam had been asked - the downside to being Jimmy's medical POA - if he wanted them to keep doing that. And, while Sam's immediate reaction was a definitive yes, after listening to the doctor explain what was happening and the potential damage that was being done to Jimmy's body every time his heart stopped - Sam hadn't been able to say it or anything really so he just shuck his head. Maybe the best thing he could do for Jimmy was to let him go.
Sam sat in the room with Jimmy. Technically, he probably still shouldn't be in the room but the exception was made due to the doctors belief that it was only a matter of time before Jimmy's heart stopped, again. He understood the dynamics behind blood loss causing one's heart to fail but Jimmy had had the blood transfusion, so why was his heart still failing? Sustained blood loss leads to organ failure but the only organ that seemed to be FAILING was his heart and it had the blood to pump, so WHY was it still failing?
Sam sat on the edge of the bed just as he had before, just this time with Jimmy's right hand clutched between both of his. 'Jimmy - I am so, so sorry. I don't think I'll ever be able to say that enough.' Sam said near tears, again. 'And, I'm probably damned for saying this, but I don't regret getting you out of there. I just regret how things have turned out.' Sam closed his eyes as he felt the tears begin to run down his face.
It had only been a couple minutes when a voice made him flinch and look up. 'Hey, look what I brought in addition to your homework, Sam.' Matthew said, trying to said cheerful.
Sam blinked his eyes a couple times before using his right hand to wipe at his eyes and then look at Matthew or more accurately, the man standing behind Matthew. 'Dean!' Sam said - choked.
Dean stepped around Matthew before walking over to Sam. 'Did I ever tell you how much I hate planes and flying?' Dean asked - attempting to sound humorous, and while he might have succeeded, it was obvious from Sam's glaring reaction that he wasn't in the mood.
'You didn't have to come here, Dean.' Sam snapped before turning his attention back to Jimmy.
'Well, Benny thought it was a good idea and I-' Dean attempted to explain.
'So what, you're Benny's bitch, now?' Sam asked angrily. He knew he shouldn't be acting that way and he knew that Dean was trying to 'cheer him up' but Dean had always had a lousy sense of humor and he really wasn't in the mood to deal with it.
'I agreed with Benny. I needed to be here.' Dean continued without showing a sign of whether or not being called 'Benny's bitch' bothered him. The only person he let call him a bitch was Benny and that was only behind closed doors. Of course, he didn't mind being called cher…he actually liked being called that. So yes, Sam calling him 'Benny's bitch' did bother him, but he knew Sam was hurting so he was trying to give his little brother some leeway.
'Why? So, you can tell me how much a mistake I made wanting to -' Sam started seethingly.
'No! I wasn't going to say it was a mistake, but you didn't think of the consequences, and now you do and you can't do shit to -' Dean started angrily.
A throat cleared and Sam, Dean, and the quiet Matthew all turned to the new person in the room. 'Aw damn it! You followed me, didn't you, Nick?' Dean huffed.
'It wasn't difficult.' Nick admitted.
'Who's Nick?' Sam and Matthew asked simultaneously.
'A crazy fuck that thinks he's the Devil.' Dean snapped.
Nick started laughing. Dean watched Nick, the alarm bells in his head going off louder than ever, but big brother that he was positioned himself between Sam and Nick - and by extension, between Jimmy and Nick. Sam watched Dean move before his eyes snapped toward the heart rate monitor. 'What the hell? His heart rates spiking!' Sam thought to himself. Matthew stood unmoving, something was very, very WRONG!
Lucifer started to step toward Jimmy until he was almost toe-to-toe with Dean. 'This is not a fight you will win, Dean Winchester.' Lucifer said calmly as he put his hands in his pockets. 'You might be Michael's True Vessel in other realities just as your dear baby brother is mine, but this one…well, we have nothing to do with this one, but unlike when I was cast out and into the Cage, Castiel was cast here.' Lucifer said.
'That doesn't make sense. Cas wasn't CAST anywhere, he Fell.' Sam said uncertainly.
Dean looked back at Sam. 'You believe this lunatic?' Dean asked curiously.
'You don't really think that bitch Naomi would let Castiel remember what REALLY happened do you?' Lucifer spat. 'Oh, I'm sure what he remembers happened somewhere in one of the other realities, but in the one that -' Lucifer pointed at Jimmy. 'Castiel is from, he didn't Fall, he was CAST OUT because whether it was my older brother Michael, my younger brother Raphael, or the bitch Naomi - the reprogramming will NEVER stick.' Lucifer said angrily as his eyes began to glow red.
'Why was he being reprogrammed?' Sam asked curiously.
'Because, Castiel is my son and she wanted him to forget, but one memory always stuck with him and the rebellion and subsequent reprogramming cycle would continue on an endless loop for MILLENNIA until Naomi had finally had enough when the only archangel that remained…was me.' Lucifer explained.
'A child - Cas fighting against Michael's angels trying to get to you before you were cast out. It wasn't Michael that stopped him, though. It wasn't an angel or an archangel who stopped him. The one who stopped him was named Elohim.' Sam said, choosing each word carefully.
Lucifer was surprised for a split second - Elohim was a more human variant of his fathers numerous names, it wasn't one the angels used very often…so, why would Castiel have called him that when talking to Sam - before he regained his composure and nodded and then his eyes went wide. 'Of course!' He said with a smirk.
'What?' Sam, Dean, and Matthew all asked simultaneously.
'He bonded with Sam because even if this Sam isn't one of my True Vessel's, and with his memories in such a mess, there's still a part of him that can feel that connection and that makes Sam familiar.' Lucifer thought to himself. 'And, while my Grace reaches for his, his has been completely bound and can't reach for mine.' He looked at Sam. 'I can break the bind, but -' He closed his eyes and focused for a few seconds before reopening his eyes.
'Sam, I can heal him and remove the binds from his Grace, but there's a price.' Lucifer said with his eyes and focus only on Sam.
'What?' Sam asked.
'If you EVER do this to him, again - I will come back and I will make my time in the Cage seem like a merry little stroll through Heaven before I was cast out compared to what I will do to you. Do you understand me?' Lucifer said with pure venom in his voice.
'I understand.' Sam said. Unconsciously avoiding the word that he knew gave Lucifer permission to possess him.
Lucifer stepped around Dean and held his left hand - palm up out to Sam. 'Being who I am, it's been many millennia since I've attempted or even wanted to heal someone but I'm still an archangel.' Lucifer began - not mentioning that healing had never been his strong suit, Michael excelled at it, Raphael was as well but he was just weaker, even Gabriel was more proficient at healing then he was. Power was his strong point, he was actually stronger then Michael, but what can you do when you're fighting someone who has God on their side? 'But, unbinding his Grace will require delving a lot deeper and I'll need an anchor so I don't lose myself. Can you be my anchor?' Lucifer asked.
Sam narrowed his eyes at Lucifer, he didn't like the guy, but he hadn't given him a reason not to trust him - besides the whole fact that he was the LITERAL Devil. Sam looked at Matthew who seemed to be just observing the whole scene - a habit he'd witnessed many time in his first year of college when there was a disagreement in the class and Matthew would just stand there and observe unless things threatened to take a turn into the physical. Sam looked at Dean, it was obvious that he didn't trust Lucifer, but he wasn't stopping Sam, either. For once, allowing Sam to make a major decision without it making him feel like it would be easier pulling his own wisdom teeth - and those bastards still hadn't completely come in! Returning his attention to Lucifer, he took a deep breathe, placed his right hand in Lucifer's hand and said one simple word, 'Yes.'
xXxXx
The first time Jimmy Novak ever told someone his name was Castiel, he had just started preschool, and he'd been told to introduce himself to the class. That would be the first of many times he'd end up sitting in the principals office.
The first time Jimmy Novak drew attention for his claims of being Castiel had been when he was only eleven and had tried to tell people for over three weeks that the rocket launch would be fatal. While he ended up being correct, the attention he got from the secret side of the government made him begin to think that maybe the things he knew were really a curse. And, that would be the last time until he was sixteen that he would try to convince people that he was Castiel.
The first time Jimmy Novak would meet his eventual wife Amelia, he was sixteen. The first time Amelia would hear Jimmy refer to himself as Castiel was on their first date when he corrected her by trying to get her to call him Castiel instead of Jimmy.
Jimmy would meet a young boy named Sam Winchester when he was eighteen, four months before his high school graduation. Sam had been bloody and bruised and while Jimmy's first instinct should have been to find Sam's parents or to contact the police, he had taken Sam and hidden him away in what he'd been considering his 'secret base' since he'd found it when he was thirteen. The fact that it was a condemned house that just hadn't been bulldozed, yet - really hadn't mattered. Jimmy had liked it and even cobbled things together to make sure he didn't end up stepping through the floor, the ceiling didn't leak - much, and the walls weren't gonna be blown over at the first gust. The fact that he actually had no legitimate idea what he was doing was irrelevant.
During the week that Sam was with him, Jimmy spent all of his time not at school or work at the secret base. There was just something about the kid that made him feel - like maybe he wasn't cursed and Sam hadn't minded the fact that he preferred being called Castiel. Sam had made him feel like…no matter what, he had to make sure Sam was safe. It hadn't been until after Sam had been taken by the police and he'd been fired from his part-time job from the county library that he'd finally figured out the other feeling, Sam had felt like home - which had made him feel sick since Sam was a child!
The first time Jimmy would be committed to an institution for his delusions, he was eighteen and fresh out of high school. He tied his girlfriend Amelia to a tree, drew a devil's trap around her, set a circle of holy oil on fire around that, and proceeded to try to exorcism her demon and later her angel - when the demon exorcism didn't work - in Enochian.
For the next three months, he refused to speak English, only Enochian - anytime he was FORCED into speaking English, he'd refer to it as a filthy language. And, during those three months - he had been able to feel wings on his back. The first time he'd been touched sexually - which also happened to be his first sexual experience - was at the end of those three months. The male nurse had cornered him in one of the lesser used rooms, stuck his right hand down the front of Jimmy's pants and his left down the back of Jimmy's pants - that would also be the first time that Jimmy would learn just how much a persons body could betray them. That night would also be the last time Jimmy would speak Enochian or feel the wings on his back. That night, something had broken.
Jimmy and Amelia would end up back together shortly after his release but the first time she attempted to give him a hand job, he flashed back to that nurse and ended up punching her…landing himself in jail for two days.
Again and again, Jimmy and Amelia would end up together only for him to do something and land himself back in the institution, that one incident was the one time he ended up in jail. And until he was twenty-three, anytime he was sent back to that place - he would end up getting cornered by that nurse. He had HATED learning just how much his body would betray him over those years. He had HATED giving the nurse a blowjob, the shattered right jaw hadn't helped - he ended up having to get his jaw wired shut for it to heal. That wouldn't be the only time he ended up doing that but that would be the only time he'd do it with a broken jaw as a lesson not to bite - he hadn't but he would have. And, he had HATED figuring out just many ways he could be penetrated and there were several times when he hadn't asked WHAT had been put inside him - because he had honestly been afraid to ask. He wasn't sure why the nurse had stopped working there but it was a relief.
Jimmy and Amelia would get married shortly before Claire was born. After he set fire to the church was when he was finally institutionalized at Pontiac Psychiatric Center. The nurses hated their jobs and the doctors weren't much better. Patients were pretty much left to their own devices except when they started hurting themselves or another patient. Jimmy spent most of his time in his room - he couldn't keep a roommate because he was apparently 'the angel freak', he didn't care. He liked being left alone since nobody listened to him, anyways.
Seeing Sam Winchester again had been a surprise. Seeing just how much Sam had grown had been beyond surprising. Having someone to visit throughout what was Sam's first summer break from a four-year scholarship at Stanford - damn, the kid had to be very smart to get into one of the best college's in the country - had been a breath of fresh air from the sporadic visits that Amelia and rare visits from little Claire. Amelia was the forgiving woman. Amelia was the dutiful wife. Amelia was - well, Jimmy wasn't real sure why he'd married her. Oh, actually he did - he'd been raised to marry the woman you get pregnant. Odd how he hadn't ended up hospitalized ONCE before Amelia and had actually spent more time in an institution then out after meeting her, and why was she expecting him to be close to a daughter that the only time they see their father is when they visit them at a mental hospital and then get bullied because their father is 'the crazy angel freak'. So yes, there was more of him that hated Amelia then loved her, and he didn't have many feelings toward Claire…good or bad.
The last day of his vacation before he had to return to campus, Sam asked if there was anything - within a college kids price range - that Jimmy wanted that Sam could get him. All he'd wanted was something to write in and to write with, as feminine as it might sound, he did like journaling during his teen years, and he missed it. A way to get some books from the library - even if he wasn't allowed out himself, maybe work something out with one of the nicer nurses. Sam had worked out the latter rather quickly but the former took a few months.
Sam's second summer break had come with Jimmy FINALLY getting to thank Sam for the pre-release copy of Missing Father. He'd surprised Sam by hugging him. He'd actually surprised himself by doing that. He'd been so reserved with being touched after his…interactions with the nurse, but when Sam hugged him back…he realized just how touch starved he'd been. He wondered what Sam thought of him breaking down crying - well, he wondered for a brief moment, the rest were spent clinging tightly to Sam.
Jimmy also ended up meeting Sam's brother Dean, brother-in-law Benny, nephew Ben, and niece Emma. He could tell that Ben absolutely adored Dean, the fact he even dressed like Dean had been funny. Emma seemed closer to Benny. It was funny hearing that the reason Emma had a matching - albeit smaller - hat to Benny's was because Benny had gotten her one so that she'd quit stealing his. He was sure there were people - especially down south like Louisiana was that had serious problems with Ben and Emma having two dads - but Dean was a stubborn man and Benny didn't seem to be the type to be bothered by much. He had learned just by listening to Ben and Emma that Dean was daddy and Benny was papa. And, he thought it was fitting - at least for Benny who certainly seemed like a papa bear. He'd noticed that Emma was certainly closer to Sam then Ben was but that they both loved their Uncle Sammy. And, while Emma was a little more closed off with Jimmy, Ben seemed to like him - even though, he wasn't sure if Sam or he had ended up redder when Ben asked 'Are you Uncle Sammy's boyfriend?' Dean had outright laughed while Benny reprimanded Ben. While it was a thought Ben stuck in his head, it was a nice little fantasy that he didn't mind. Being Sam's - anything - sounded better than being Amelia's husband to him.
The break came to an end with Sam repeating his question from the prior year. Jimmy had only requested some music, he wasn't picky with the genre. It wasn't until he decided to try flying to visit Sam that he ended up getting a supply of music - from Dean because it had been his fault that Sam had missed the visit. Dean had sent a whole little trial run of classic rock bands with a note to give Sam back the ones he didn't like and to also make a list of his favorites and he'd send more of those. The list was simple but with commentary:
1. Led Zeppelin (Do you have their whole collection? Just send it if you do, I've liked this band since I first heard Stairway to Heaven probably before you were born.)
2. The Rolling Stones (Do you have Bridges to Babylon? It's one of the few of their cassettes I remember, mostly because of Out of Control.)
3. Lynyrd Skynyrd (Do you have the album that I Never Dreamed is on? I don't care if you send any of the other cassettes or not but please send that one!)
4. Metallica (To Live is to Die. If you have to ask why I like that song, I would honestly question if YOU even like the band. Just send the cassette it's on, Dean.)
5. AC/DC (I like Back in Black, the album AND the song. The song Highway to Hell is good but I prefer Back in Black.)
6. Stevie Nicks (Fleetwood Mac is okay but I actually think she does better in her solo career. I actually had Street Angel, there is not a song on that album that I DIDN'T like.)
*I know you didn't include any of the Eagles music so I don't even know if you like the band, but just in case it was just an oversight, do you have Desperado? I like their song Tequila Sunrise.
Dean had been astounded that someone who says he's an angel actually seemed to know about classic rock. He had subsequently made sure that, as long as they were on cassette, he sent Jimmy the collections of all six of the requests, plus the asterisk one with a small note reading 'I'm not a big Eagles, no. Besides Desperado I didn't even have the others, so enjoy. -Dean'
Well, technically Dean didn't SEND the collections to Jimmy, he took them to him himself which was what make the note so funny. The reason he did that being that Sam had already had to return to Stanford due to the break being over. It was also the only time that Dean would go to see Jimmy without Sam. Jimmy was quietly grateful, unsure what to say to the older Winchester brother when neither Sam nor the kids were with him.
xXxXx
The area Sam stood in seemed dark. 'I thought I could fix this but if I unbind his Grace, it isn't going to FIX his broken mind - he would be lucky if he didn't end up vegetative. I don't know what the hell Naomi did to him but even archangel's Grace can't fix this'. Lucifer said regretfully. 'And, what's worse - the way this bind is designed…if he didn't end up vegetative, he would lose his memories. The ones he's made as Jimmy, the ones from his time as Castiel, the ones that Naomi implanted, the one memory he's kept all these millennia of me - EVERYTHING.' He finished.
'I'm surprised the Devil actually seems to -' Sam began.
'Sam, you can call me whatever the hell you want, but Castiel is still my son and whether you believe me or not, I do care about him.' Lucifer said.
'You can still heal him though, can't you?' Sam asked concerned.
'Yeah…yeah, no problem.' Lucifer said sadly. He thought he'd take Castiel and - well, it didn't matter, his Castiel was gone. He'd survived millennia without his father, he would be fine. And, he honestly needed Sam more than anyone. Naomi would pay for what she'd done, though. Michael and Raphael were already dead and not by his own hand but Naomi - prior to the Cage, he had not been one for torture - at least, not another angel, but Naomi…he would make suffer until her very Grace gave out.
xXxXx
Sam blinked his eyes a few times before realizing he was back in the hospital room. Lucifer was gone, Dean and Matthew seemed to not even know what had just happened, and Jimmy was laying in the hospital bed looking perfectly healthy and he was staring at Sam. 'Sam?' Jimmy asked curiously.
Sam grinned and grabbed Jimmy, holding him to his chest. 'You're okay.' He whispered low enough for only Jimmy to hear.
'Uh, Sam?' Jimmy asked uncertainly. He wanted to ask how he was okay but decided not to. It was painfully obvious that he couldn't even kill himself right.
'Don't ever do that again, damn it!' Sam whispered.
Jimmy pulled away slightly, just enough to look at Sam in the face, but not completely out of Sam's hold. 'Why not?' He asked curiously. 'I wanted you happy. You were the one person whose ever listened to me. And, all I've managed to do was make you hate me because I didn't know - because I don't know how I knew Jess was going to die.' He continued.
Dean took Matthew by the right arm, spun him the opposite direction, and they both left the room, because even if neither of them knew quite what had happened, they knew THIS conversation needed to be in private. And, Dean knew he'd have some fodder for nagging his little brother later.
Sam shook his head. 'Jimmy, I don't hate you. I don't think I could. I was angry. I was upset. What happened wasn't your fault. I'm not even sure if there would have been a way to stop what had happened. But, even if there were a way, that's not on you.' Sam said honestly.
Jimmy leaned his head against Sam's left shoulder. 'Thank you.' He whispered. He felt Sam's grip tighten. 'Sam?' He asked uncertainly.
'Hmm?' Was Sam's response.
Jimmy again pulled away slightly. 'What?' Sam asked curiously.
Jimmy wanted to say there was clarity in his mind that wasn't there before. He could remember bits of Jimmy's life and bits of Castiel but there no longer seemed to be some contradicting the bits of Castiel. And, while he could still remember the one of Castiel trying to get to his father, there was also a new one…Castiel was even younger and instead of a rebellion based scene, it was the warmth of shared Grace between parent and child, it was the embrace of a father who loved his child above himself, it was a restrained darkness that he'd never allow to harm his child…in short, it was love. But, he couldn't find the words to convey all that.
There was something else that Jimmy wanted to convey, as well. 'If I did something, would you try not to get angry at me?' Jimmy asked uncertainly.
Sam knew his face conveyed his uncertainty. 'Uh, this isn't going to be something that's going to result in a longer psych hold, is it?' Sam asked warily.
Instead of answering, Jimmy pressed his lips to Sam's.
At first, Sam was frozen - he had NOT expected that. But, the surprise quickly wore off and he reciprocated.
Jimmy felt when Sam's left hand slipped inside the partially open back of the hospital gown.
Sam felt Jimmy's right hand on the back of his head, tangling his fingers in his hair. But then, he felt his hand run over something on Jimmy's back and jerked back.
Jimmy started to object, before Sam was twisting him around and the next words out of Sam's mouth had any objection Jimmy had to Sam stopping dying in his throat, 'You have feathers on your back.'
Jimmy looked over his shoulder. 'You can see them?' Jimmy asked surprised.
'Yeah.' Sam said and nodded. 'Yes, I can.' Sam added. 'They're black.' Sam continued. Sam ran his hands over both patches of feathers, Sam figured they were in the general area of where wings would be on a human - or at least, humanoid. 'They feel... silky.' Sam finished.
Jimmy wasn't sure whether to push back or arch away, he hated having them touched! Not because it hurt but because they were sensitive - in the best possible way. 'They're also very sensitive.' Jimmy said through gritted teeth.
Sam jerked his hands back. 'Sorry.' Sam apologized.
'No, no. It... It feels good.' Jimmy corrected.
Sam figured that Cas probably had wings - he knew that depending on the lore, angels didn't necessarily have wings. He wondered if the extended wings would be as sensitive as the patches were. But, with Lucifer having been unable to remove the bind, he doubted he would ever find out.
Sam and Jimmy both jumped when it sounded like something hit the door. Followed by Dean's voice 'Fuck, that was stupid.' Sam laughed.
When a nurse stepped into the room a few seconds later, Sam had the odd feeling that despite Dean's response to hitting the door however he had, it had probably been his attempt at a forewarning.
Jimmy was subjected to numerous tests over the next three days and when Sam wasn't at school, he was in the waiting room with Dean, since it had been made clear that during the three day psych hold that Jimmy wasn't allowed visitors. Sam just HOPED that the doctors weren't able to see the feathers on Jimmy's back or this was probably going to end up being a disaster because humans didn't handle THAT level of weird well.
After the three days, Jimmy was released to Sam and Dean headed back to Louisiana. Sam and Jimmy ended up back at Matthew's. Sam didn't really understand just how Lucifer had healed Jimmy because while he was fine, the bruises were still on his face, and the cuts on his wrists had scarred as had the one on his neck. He wasn't complaining, though. He was just glad that Jimmy - Castiel - or whatever the hell he wanted to call himself was okay.
'You know, we can't do that okay?' Sam asked.
'Do what?' Jimmy asked, honestly confused.
'Jimmy, I'm your guardian. I can't be involved with you, it's unethical in so many ways.' Sam said.
By Jimmy's facial reaction, Sam knew he'd hurt him, but it had to be said. 'I thought you wanted to?' Jimmy asked sounding hurt.
'I did, but - it can't happen again.' Sam said regretfully.
'Why not?' Jimmy snapped. 'How is it unethical? Amelia was my guardian and I was MARRIED to her!' He continued.
'I don't know how that worked Jimmy, but -' Sam started to say.
'I'm not a child, Samuel. I know what I want.' Jimmy said defensively.
'Jimmy, you're no more capable of consent then a teenage girl is to screwing a twenty-something. She might know what she wants to but by law, she's not capable of consent. Neither are you.' Sam explained.
Jimmy lowered his head. 'And, just how far does that word cover? If it's just sex, that's not even something I want.' He said easily. He hadn't told Sam about the first few in-and-out years at the other institution, and what happened then is a lot of the reason the forced celibacy didn't bother him. And, if he were honest, he hadn't even really enjoyed sex with Amelia.
Sam rubbed the back of his neck. 'I uh…I don't really know.' Sam said hesitantly but honestly.
Jimmy looked up at Sam. 'Then how about an agreement?' He asked casually.
'What kind of agreement?' Sam asked curiously.
'We avoid sex and play the rest through trial and error. And, what happens is nobody else's business besides our own.' Jimmy said.
It dawned on Sam at that point that they were discussing a relationship almost as casually as Dean would discuss cars. And, throughout the discussion he hadn't thought about Jess once, despite the fact that Jimmy still had bruises and it hadn't even been four full days. Then again, Jess had even pointed out that talking to or about Jimmy - the rest of the world just seemed to take a backseat. 'I guess that could work.' Sam admitted.
'So now, we just have to figure out a way to get out of here. Since you're going to be mostly broke until Crossroads Deal is released with your part-time barista job barely covering your normal bills.' Jimmy said.
Sam lowered his head and chewed on his bottom lip for a minute before his eyes snapped up to look at Jimmy. 'There is something I could do but I'd need you to agree to it, before I'd even consider doing it.' Sam said.
'Put me to work at a library?' Jimmy asked hopefully.
Sam was surprised by the question. 'How about we go six months without you making the news or being hospitalized and we'll talk about it?' Sam responded back.
Jimmy smiled. 'Whether you believe me or not, I actually liked that job. It's the only one I've ever had that I actually enjoyed.' Jimmy admitted.
'As I said, six months without any incidents, agreed?' Sam stressed.
'Agreed.' Jimmy said without hesitation and a sharp node. 'So, what is it that you need my agreement to?' He asked curiously.
'Do you remember how I told you I get paid for writing the Hunter Brothers?' Sam asked. 'And, how even though I had never actually told Amelia about it that I have an account for you since the idea was yours and I just thought it fair that you get a portion of what I was getting paid for it?' Sam continued.
'Of course I remember. The account's in San Francisco, the same as yours. You said I'd have access to it once I was finally released from the center.' Jimmy said.
'Correct.' Sam said. And then, he proceeded to wait until Jimmy figured out what he was trying to say.
Jimmy got that 'processing, please stand-by' look, again. It was a couple minutes. 'You're thinking that we or I or you should use part of that to help with this situation so that we aren't stuck here with Matthew and Justine any longer than is absolutely necessary?' Jimmy asked.
'And, that's what I'd need you to be okay with.' Sam admitted.
'Do I get some say-so in where we end up staying?' Jimmy asked curiously.
'Well, that's only fair.' Sam said.
'In that case, can I get some different clothes? Dean's smaller than you but he's still bigger than I am.' Jimmy admitted. Dean had let him borrow a couple pairs of blue jeans, one red and one blue flannel shirt.
'How about tomorrow after my classes?' Sam suggested. He honestly didn't like shopping, period…but sometimes, it had to be done.
'Okay'. Jimmy agreed without hesitation.
The following day, Sam spent his lunch break getting things organized so Jimmy's bank account could be accessed, which turned out harder then he expected, but he did get it worked out without being to late to his pre-law class. All Sam's classes except for the one he's actually trying to get a degree in are morning classes.
After his pre-law class, he went ahead and headed back to Matthew's to pick up Jimmy.
As soon as Jimmy got in the car, Sam looked him up and down - there was a MAJOR problem seeing Jimmy dressed like Dean. 'So, there's a couple places in Palo Alto that are pretty good, I do have a personal preference for a particular clothing store in San Francisco, though. It's up to you, though.' Sam explained.
'I want a trenchcoat.' Jimmy said.
'San Fran, it is.' Sam said. He couldn't imagine Jimmy in a trench coat but it was certainly something he wouldn't mind seeing. And, while that was something he couldn't imagine, he just couldn't understand how Palo Alto which coincidentally was one of the most expensive places in the COUNTRY to live was also part of the San Francisco Bay area when San Francisco was on average over half an hours drive from Palo Alto. In hindsight, trying to drive at this time of day made that even longer.
During the snails pace of a drive, Jimmy asked, 'So, once you graduate, are you planning to move to San Francisco?'
'Probably, I honestly can't see myself living in Palo Alto. Dean keeps trying to convince me to move to Louisiana once I graduate but I'd take a wildfire and earthquakes over hurricane season any day. Benny figures I'll end up in LA but I've been there, I like it even less than Palo Alto. And, I actually do like San Fran.' Sam admitted.
'To bad the commute is as long as it is or else I'd suggest just going ahead and finding some place in San Francisco.' Jimmy said.
'It's not an entirely bad idea, but how about we focus on getting you to NOT look like my brother, and then we worry about that?' Sam suggested.
Jimmy looked down at himself. 'I don't even like plaid.' Jimmy mumbled.
Sam laughed. His brother would throw a fit if he ever heard THOSE words.
It took an hour and seventeen minutes to get to San Francisco, seventeen minutes prior, Sam had started banging his head on the steering wheel at the red light, which had the unexpected consequence - if it could be called such - of Jimmy laughing. Sam liked Jimmy's laugh though so he didn't think it was really a bad thing.
Sam led Jimmy into the clothing store. 'So, what all do you think I need besides basic clothes, a trenchcoat, and shoes?' Jimmy asked quietly but seriously.
'As you said, you need your basic clothes in whatever style you like, shoes, a trenchcoat...if you like jogging or running, clothes designed for exercising would be a good idea, and unless you're like my brother…you'll want sleepwear.' Sam said, deciding not to mention that Dean's slept stark ass naked since he was…thirteen, he doubted Benny discouraged that.
Sam wasn't real sure what time it was by the time they'd left but it had been before four when they got there and it was now after dark. He was officially NEVER going shopping with Jimmy again…at least, not if every article came with the added question, 'What do you think, Sam?', 'How do I look, Samuel?', or a couple times even 'Does this look okay, Sammy?'. Dean was the only one who got by with calling him Sammy and he didn't like it when Dean did it, he HOPED that Ben and Emma grew out of it but living with Dean he doubted it.
Sam had listened as Jimmy explained about the kind of clothes he used to like wearing and how he didn't like the Constantine look anymore, but he did still like the trenchcoat. Sam had had to butt in and ask what Constantine was. Apparently, he was a comic book character.
After the twenty-seventh different pair of trousers - surprisingly all of them jeans in either blue or black, Sam finally just suggested, 'Calvin Klein, Levi, or Wrangler…any one of those three are typically comfortable.'
Jimmy picked out six pairs handing the pile of the other twenty-one to Sam and than proceeded to grab Sam's right arm at the elbow and practically dragged him - Jimmy was smaller than Sam but Sam had known since that first summer break trip to Pontiac that Jimmy was a hell of a lot stronger than he looked - back toward the changing rooms. 'How did I go from a college student studying law and forensic science to a prospective shopping cart?' He thought to himself.
Sam realized rather quickly that the reason Jimmy had drug him back to the changing rooms was actually because he wanted Sam's opinion on how he looked.
Between the blue and black Wrangler jeans, Sam gave an approving nod at the blue jeans which got a small - almost shy - smile out of Jimmy while the black ones got an indifferent shrug. Sam came close to laughing when Jimmy looked down at the jeans like they'd personally offended him. The same thing happened with the Levi jeans. The Calvin Klein blue jeans got the indifferent shrug while the black came with a request from Sam to 'twirl around.'
Jimmy complied but gave a surprised squeak when Sam stopped him mid-spin with his hands on Jimmy's hips before he was pulled back against Sam and Sam whispered the words, 'Oh, you're definitely keeping these' in Jimmy's right ear.
Jimmy gave a full-body shiver before spinning out of Sam's grip with a smug smile on his face and than quickly stepping forward, standing on his toes, and kissing Sam on the cheek. Jimmy started to back away before Sam boxed him in against the door of the stall, 'Don't start something you're not going to finish.' Sam growled dangerously.
Jimmy's eyes glowed. 'Who says I'm won't?' He asked.
Sam kissed Jimmy roughly, but then quickly stepped back. 'Because, you CAN'T continue it, not here, Cas.' He said.
Shirts were easier since Jimmy seemed to want to keep the scars on his wrists hidden which meant long-sleeves were absolute requirements. Finally, it was narrowed down to some random named blue button-ups that matched Jimmy's eyes, one black one because he'd liked the feel of it, and oddly enough one t-shirt but that one wasn't a surprise since it was Led Zeppelin which was his favorite band.
Sam kept comments to himself while Jimmy was trying on the blue button-ups, resigning himself to simple head nods or a weak smile for approval or shakes of his head or shrugs for disapproval. The black button-up though, 'Match that with the Calvin Klein jeans.' Sam said simply.
Jimmy stepped back in the stall with the jeans and when he stepped back, it was when a smug smile on his face. 'Nice, that's nice.' Sam said with a voice pitch he hadn't had since puberty,
Jimmy stayed silent, he hadn't planned for things to go like this, and he knew the game he was playing with Sam was dangerous because there was a line that he wouldn't - couldn't cross, but he did plan to push Sam. 'Was this what you had in mind?' He said with his head down.
'Look at me.' Sam said, just shy of an order.
Jimmy did as he was told.
Sam put his right hand on the left side of Jimmy's face and Jimmy tilted his head to press more into it. 'Sam.' Jimmy breathed.
Sam slowly trialed his hand down the side of Jimmy's neck, his shoulder, his arm, and around to his lower back. 'Don't stop.' Jimmy said breathlessly.
Sam leaned down to whisper in Jimmy's right ear. 'You're trying to get us kicked out of here, aren't you?' And then, trialed kisses down from Jimmy's ear to his collarbone before stepping back with a grin on his face.
Boxers and socks were next, that went by A LOT faster since Jimmy obviously held a preference for Hanes. He grabbed a black leather belt solely for the reason that it had the word 'Angel' and he liked the letter style and little wings out from the A and l. Shoes actually turned out to be harder than the pants since Jimmy couldn't decide what style of shoe he wanted. Jimmy eventually found a pair of Harley Davidson classic harness boots with an inside zipper. Jimmy's only response instead of asking for Sam's opinion was 'What? Their boots are comfortable even if I've never been on a motorcycle in my life.'
'I didn't say anything!' Sam said defensively. 'I guess, I just never took you for a boot type of guy.' He said honestly.
Jimmy lowered his head. 'I'm not really, but I like these.' He said.
Once they found the trench coats, it actually didn't take Jimmy long to find one he liked. The only problem was, he'd remembered just how expensive his last one had been and didn't really want to spend that much again. Sam pointed out that as long as it was just the one that it would be okay. Jimmy hadn't hesitated to agree due to the expense that was a Burberry trench coat.
'It will take some getting used to but it fits you'. Sam said.
Right before getting to the check-out counter, Jimmy stopped in front a stand with some necklaces, bracelets, and other random jewelry bits. He tilted his head and Sam looked at him before looking at the stand. 'Aw, damn it! I didn't know this place sold those!' Sam said, seeing the devil's trap necklaces.
Jimmy looked at Sam. 'You knew about these?' Jimmy asked curiously.
Sam shrugged. 'Unfortunately, yes. The company approached me about certain jewelry designs based around the series, this is the only one I approved. I'm sure once book four gets written that they're want angel banishing sigil jewelry, too.' He said slightly annoyed.
'Can I get one?' Jimmy asked innocently, making Sam see for a moment how Amelia could see Jimmy as a child, but quickly dismissing the thought because THAT was not a trail he wanted to follow or else, he'd be hard pressed to touch Jimmy again or let Jimmy touch him for that matter.
'Sure, go ahead.' Sam said. The necklace was really just a black leather band with an attached silver-plated devil's trap design, it was probably copper underneath - so, it wasn't very expensive.
Sam didn't question the price once they hit the check-out counter, he was just happy to be LEAVING! As the bags were loaded in the truck, Jimmy asked, 'Apartment hunting tomorrow?'
Sam shrugged. 'But, are we looking in Palo Alto or here in San Fran? I can deal with the lengthy commute because I get up. But, if you're actually looking at getting a position as a librarian in six months, it would be best to just go ahead and find a place here, since it would suck to get a job in Palo Alto only to have to quit and leave once I graduate law school in…a little over four years. At least with my part-time job, my boss knows it's meant to be temporary until I graduate.' Sam asked.
Jimmy lowered his head. 'Sam, as much as I want to get another job as a librarian, I'm not sure if I can.' Jimmy said almost shyly.
'Jimmy, you didn't fucking kidnap me! I still can't believe that cop said you did, they dropped it once the situation was explained, but THAT should have never been said! And, your psychological condition is why I'm suggesting waiting the six months.' Sam said annoyed.
Jimmy shook his head without raising his head. 'That's not what I mean, I had an agreement with the library I was working at that once I graduated high school, I would go to college to get a masters in library science. Due to the time I've spent in the hospital, I couldn't even get my bachelors.'
'You need a degree to be a librarian?' Sam asked surprised.
Jimmy nodded. 'I didn't know that either until one of the ladies there explained it.' Jimmy admitted. 'Four years for a bachelors if you do it full-time and an additional two for a masters, so - to become a librarian it only takes one year less than it takes to become a lawyer.'
'Have you considered a different career? Because, I can't say that you going to college is going to be feasible sadly until I've got my degree, not with how expensive college is.' Sam asked.
'It's funny in a way. Dean didn't go to college but he's a mechanic and owns his own shop. Benny didn't go to culinary school but he's a huge success as a chef. You're on scholarship at one the top colleges in the country and will probably be going to work in San Francisco once you finish law school. And, like normal - I end up falling through the cracks. I guess I should be used to it, but I'm not.' Jimmy said depressed.
'Jimmy, you did this to yourself. Benny worked his ass off to get where he is. And technically, while Dean runs the auto repair and restoration shop...Benny's actually the one who owns it. And, you know I worked my ass off getting that scholarship.' Sam said and immediately regretted it. The bad thing was, it wasn't his fault. If Lucifer was to be believed, Naomi was the one to blame, whatever she did practically destroyed Castiel and the parts of him that still exist are what makes Jimmy's sanity questionable. But, he also knew Amelia's story, while he didn't necessarily like the woman…she did love Jimmy and his 'delusions' kept messing it up. The one thing he had never figured out the reason behind why Jimmy had hit her, he knew what Amelia was trying to do, but that hadn't explained why Jimmy would hit her over it.
During the ride back to Palo Alto, Jimmy kept quiet looking out the passengers side window for about the first half of the ride before he broke the silence. 'You're right, Samuel. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I should have done that when I was little, I should have done that even more once I met Amelia. There's a part of me that wishes you hadn't found me after Amelia had me committed.' Jimmy said hollowly.
Sam looked at Jimmy - at the speed they were moving, it wasn't exactly a hazard. 'Don't do that to yourself. I'm sorry, okay. It's really not your fault.' He said carefully. He honestly didn't plan on telling him that Lucifer was the one to save Jimmy or that Naomi kept reprogramming Castiel to make him forget the fact of who Lucifer was...at least, not until Jimmy seems a bit more stable.
'She kept reprogramming Castiel to make him forget Lucifer was his father and in the process broke him.' Sam thought to himself. 'What the hell? While it's in a different context, that's part of the basis behind my spin-off Boy King & Broken Angel.' His thought continued.
Jimmy leaned his head against the passengers side window with his hands in his lap and closed his eyes. 'It's fine Samuel, maybe Amelia was right and the only safe place for people is for me to be in the hospital.' Jimmy said hollowly.
Sam put his right hand on the back of Jimmy's neck and slowly massaged there. 'I really need to learn you're not my brother unless I want to walking around with my foot stuck in my mouth'. He said honestly.
Jimmy opened his eyes slightly, looking at Sam without turning his head. 'Don't you mean hopping around since you'd be walking with only one leg?' Jimmy asked with a smirk.
Sam laughed. 'I knew there was a sense of humor in there somewhere, Jimmy.' He said honestly.
By the time they got back to Matthew's, it was decided that - at least for the time being that they'd look for a place in Palo Alto. It was also decided that Sam would try to figure out the college angle for Jimmy with Matthew's help. And maybe in time, he'd figure out how to explain to Jimmy how Lucifer had healed him.
xXxXx
Dean sat in the kitchen with a cup of coffee held tightly in his hands. There was no way in hell he'd be going back to sleep that night. He had no legitimate problem with Jimmy but EVERY TIME he saw the guy - which granted was only like three times since Sam found him - he'd end up with the same damn nightmare! Him, Sam, and Jimmy standing on the roof of some unknown building, Sam going over the edge, and Jimmy jumping off after him. The only person he'd told about the nightmare was Benny and that was simply because he'd woken Benny up screaming for his brother! And, that was part of the reason that he figured he'd be talking to Bobby about him, Benny, and the kids coming up there during the hurricanes because having to spend an undetermined amount of time around Jimmy might just land him in an asylum. They normally flew out to California to be with Sam during a hurricane but with Jimmy there…he just didn't know if he could deal with that nightmare.
Dean leaned back when he felt Benny's arms around his waist. 'That nightmare again, cher?' Benny asked sleepily.
Dean just nodded, feeling Benny's lips on the back of his neck was the one thing that relaxed him after a nightmare and he knew that. 'Je t'aime, Dean'. Benny whispered against his neck.