Chapter Text
It’s already been two weeks, and Gerard can’t stop thinking about that kiss.
While he’s on the train, or making sandwiches, or drawing monsters in the middle of the night to distract himself. Nothing works. All he can think about is Frank’s soft lips on his, and the taste of coffee lingering afterwards.
If Gerard’s crush was bad before, this just made it worse.
So, he tries to do what anyone would do to get over someone, and drinks until he’s too numb to think and he can’t feel his fingers. Especially the days he has to go to the office, and then to his paying job as a cashier, only to come home to an empty bed, longing to have someone to share his nights with, and knowing that will never happen to him.
Because, even though that kiss felt better than anything else, and Frank took his breath for a second, he knows it was just out of pity.
He knows Frank could tell how embarrassed he was when Mikey exposed him that day, and Frank was just trying to make him feel better. And while Gerard appreciates his kindness, and the fact that he didn’t make fun of him, it made things worse for him.
Because now he knows what he’s missing.
And it’s the kind of pain that made him wish there was no point going on.
So, he keeps drinking.
He keeps looking for ways to keep his mind off of Frank. So, when he gets a text from Ray asking him if he wants to hang out with his D&D friends, Gerard doesn’t hesitate and takes the train to the address Ray sent to him, in the next town over.
He’s not the most social guy, but he hasn’t played D&D in a while, and that might help distract him. And the possibility of free booze, is a plus.
So when he finally gets to his destination, and notices the crowd smoking outside, and a couple making out in the porch, he realizes this isn’t just a nerd hangout.
He made a huge mistake.
And he almost considers turning around and going back home, but he already spent money on a train ticket, he might as well use this chance to drink until he passes out and can’t remember a thing. Who knows, maybe he can even find someone to hook up with.
With a new goal in mind, he walks in the house, looking for his friend.
He doesn’t know who any of these people are, but he figures they’re friends with Ray’s friends.
Whatever the case is, Gerard isn’t drunk enough to start talking to any of them, so he starts his search for alcohol. That’s when he sees Ray waving at him from the back of the room.
‘Gee! Over here!’ his friend yells, trying to get his attention. Gerard immediately starts to make his way there, knowing Ray will help him find something to drink.
‘Hey, I –’ he starts, getting to the point. Except he notices the two guys talking to his friend, and stops on his tracks. It’s the guys from Mikey’s hangout, Shaun and that kid with the weird nickname, something about ham. Which means –
No, what are the chances?
Newark isn’t exactly a small place, and there are tons of people living here.
There is no way he is here, in the same party at Gerard.
Except the universe seems to be playing some kind of sick and twisted game because just then, Gerard sees Frank walking this way with a beer in hand.
Frank.
The prettiest boy in town, the one who kissed his lips two weeks ago.
And the moment Frank looks up and sees him, Gerard freaks out and makes a run for the closest door.
Shit, shit.
He knew it was a mistake to come here.
He pushes through the crowd, trying to keep his distance from Frank, and promises himself to never go out again. But he can still hear his voice calling him. He’s not sure if he’s imagining things or if he’s behind him, but a second later, someone pulls him by the arm and stops him.
‘Hey, Gerard! What the fuck! Where are you going? I wanted to talk to you,’ Frank says, his hand not letting go of him.
But Gerard can’t look at Frank. He can’t look at him, because all he can think of right now is that kiss, and it’s really fucking with him, and he doesn’t want to do anything stupid. ‘I have to go home, I –’ he stutters, not making any eye contact.
‘But you just got here!’
Gerard doesn’t want to get excited thinking he was waiting for him, because that can’t be the case. ‘I know, but I’m just not a party person.’
‘Me neither,’ Frank says, clearly intoxicated, and laughs to himself. ‘But I’m glad you’re here, because I’ve been going crazy for the past two weeks, and I needed to talk to you, but –’
What? That can’t be right. ‘Look, don’t even worry about that,’ Gerard talks over him, because Frank has nothing to feel bad about, and this whole situation is Gerard’s fault. ‘I know it was weird of me to draw you, and I’m sorry. I don’t want you to feel bad for me, so –’
‘No, you don’t get it!’ Frank is really drunk, to the point where he has to hold tight to Gerard so he doesn’t fall on his ass, and he’s mumbling his words. But when he looks up at Gerard, his hazel eyes are sparkly, and Gerard’s world stops for a second. ‘It wasn’t weird,’ Frank continues, shaking his head. ‘I loved it. It made me feel things. I was scared.’
Okay, he really is drunk out of his mind, because none of this is making any sense, Gerard thinks. ‘It was so good, it didn’t even look like me. You made me look beautiful. No one has ever done that.’ Gerard almost cries. If only Frank knew how beautiful he really is. ‘And it made me wonder if that’s how you saw me.’
Gerard stops.
Is it?
‘I wanted to thank you, because you made me feel special,’ Frank goes on. ‘But then, I had this urge – I don’t know why – and I had to kiss you, you know?’ There’s a pause, and Gerard can hear his voice break. ‘I haven’t stopped thinking about you for the past two weeks.’
So, Gerard does the bravest thing he’s ever done and leans in to kiss him.
It may be all the alcohol in his system doing it the job, because he has no idea why he’d do something like this, but when Frank kisses him back, wrapping his arms around his neck for support, Gerard swears the world stops for a moment.
Their lips holding on to each other’s for dear life.
It’s short and sweet, and Gerard can taste cheap beer and weed, but his head is still spinning as they slowly pull apart. He doesn’t want to open his eyes just yet, though. He wants to enjoy this feeling for as long as he can, because he knows this has to be a dream. Frank will probably walk away when he realizes this went too far, and Gerard will never see him again. But when Gerard finally dares to open his eyes, the other guy is still there, standing before him with the most beautiful eyes, looking at him as if he was some precious thing.
‘I think I like you,’ Frank lets out in a whisper. It sounds more like he’s talking to himself rather than Gerard, so he chooses not to reply.
But Gerard is freaking out right now.
Did he hear that right? Frank likes – him?
That can’t be right.
‘Uh –,’ Gerard starts once his brain starts working again. ‘Look, you don’t have to –’
But before he can even think of leaving, Frank pulls him by the arm, and drags him back inside the house through the back door. All Gerard can hear is his own heart beating inside his chest, so it’s hard to pay attention to anything else. He just follows Frank upstairs, and into a bathroom.
Frank doesn’t even give him a chance to say a word, though. He immediately pushes him against the door, and his lips attack his. Gerard might be too drunk for this, but he knows he can’t miss what might be his only chance with Frank. They’ll probably forget most of this night by tomorrow, or Frank will most likely pretend nothing happened once he sobers up.
But tonight’s their night.
So, he takes Frank’s face in his hand, and kisses him back, pushing his tongue down his throat.
That’s when he lets go and just enjoys the moment. Frank pulls him by the shirt, his fingers exploring his skin, his breath on his neck as Gerard licks his scorpion tattoo.
Gerard can’t get enough of this. The way Frank moans and grind against his growing erection.
‘Can I –’ Frank tries to say as he unzips Gerard’s jeans, unable to finish his sentence. Gerard nods, even though he’s not sure what he’s asking, but a second later, Frank is on his knees pulling down Gerard’s underwear. He pauses for a second, staring at the erected member. Gerard wonders if he’s seen one before, besides his own, of course. Or maybe he’s intimidated by the size.
Whatever the case is, it only takes him another second before he’s licking the tip. He starts slow, getting used to the taste. He might be an amateur dick sucker, for lucky for him, Gerard doesn’t have a lot of experience either, so he’s fine with this.
And he learns quickly. Soon, Frank is taking the whole thing in his mouth, licking the underside, and enjoying every minute of it. Gerard’s view is magnificent.
He comes just from watching Frank’s face, choking on his dick. He tries to warn him, but Frank doesn’t hesitate to open his mouth and take it.
Gerard has no idea what this is exactly, and he’s still not sure what the deal with Frank is, but his experience is definitely something.
And watching Frank release himself in front of him makes him hard again, and it’s something Gerard will be thinking about for years to come. But maybe they should finally acknowledge what they’re doing, or at least talk about it like two grown adults. But instead, Frank just pulls up his pants and walks out of the bathroom without a word.
***
And Gerard gets it.
He knows it’s not easy to come out, or to even admit to yourself that you like guys. He knows it’ll take Frank a while to assimilate that.
He knows that they could never have a perfect romance like in the movies, and that he has to take whatever he can. So, when Frank texts him a week later, telling him about his band’s show, Gerard agrees to go see them play, and afterwards, they find a bathroom where they can hide and jerk each other off.
Nobody has to know.
It becomes a thing.
Going to house parties and shows, and meeting up for blowjobs in dark bathrooms and random make-out sessions. And as much as Gerard is enjoying it, he knows it won’t last long, and at some point in the near future, it’s really going to hurt when things end.
As he sits outside some stranger’s house and lights a cigarette, the smell of Frank’s sweat still on his shirt, Gerard realizes that it’s best if he puts some distance between them before he catches feelings for Frank.
Though it might be too late now.
He’s already planning his escape from this lame party, when he heard the door closing behind him, and a second later Frank is seating next to him on the porch steps.
Without a single word, he just takes Gerard’s cigarette from him and puts him between his lips, and they just sit there in silence for a moment, taking in the night breeze around them.
When Frank finally speaks up, he just says, ‘I think I’m bi,’ out of nowhere.
Gerard doesn’t know what to say, so he just turns to him and listens.
‘I always thought there was something wrong with me, but I never told anyone,’ Frank continues. ‘I thought it was just a phase, or that I was confused.’
Another pause, and this time, Gerard notices he’s trying hard to hold back the tears.
‘But then, I met you,’ Frank says. ‘I knew I wasn’t confused anymore, and whatever we’ve been doing lately, it’s been great, but I needed some time.’
Here it goes.
Gerard knows this is it. Frank doesn’t want to see him anymore, and he’s about to tell him that this was all a big mistake. So, when Frank takes his hand in his and locks their fingers together, Gerard doesn’t know how to react.
Frank just looks up at him with a big smile. ‘When I said I liked you, I meant it. I don’t know a lot about serious relationships, and I’m sure it won’t be easy, but I don’t just want to suck your dick, okay?’
Gerard can’t help laughing, his face turning red. ‘Okay,’ is all he manages to say.
‘So, tell me, Gerard – how was your day?’
They talk for hours about the most random things, complaining about work and going on and on about their favorite music, finishing an entire pack of cigarettes and laughing their asses off.
***
‘What the hell are you doing here?’ Mikey mumbles when he opens the door and finds Frank standing there. It’s almost noon, but Mikey just woke up.
‘It’s nice to see you, too, dude,’ Frank says with a snarky tone. ‘But I’m not here for you –’
‘Then, why are you here?’
Before he can finish his sentence, Gerard pushes his brother away from the door, and takes Frank’s hand. ‘Me,’ Gerard says. ‘We’ll be in my room.’
They go straight to the point, making out on the mattress through an entire movie, and then they order Chinese food. Frank falls asleep before the movie ends, and Gerard doesn’t waste any time and draws his sleepy muse, looking all adorable, for his collection. Hoping he gets to do this for a long time.