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They ended up choosing the McClain residency for the vacation on Earth. There were plenty of rooms, the view is better than any form of stars, and the nearby Family Dinner was to die for. At least, according to Lance.
Earth had grown a lot since Voltron's initial return. Per the space cat team's influence, the planet became a hub of life and space travel. The team spotted several ships entering and exiting the planet’s atmosphere, the cities seemed cleaner and taller if it was possible. As team Voltron touched down in the pod and slipped on disguises (courtesy of not Coran), they also spotted some non-human faces walking around the city.
They weren’t even halfway there when Lance suddenly took off. Pidge and Keith screamed in outrage of the legal fairness of head-starts as they chased after him, while Hunk laughed. He turned to look over at the other three, only to find they also began to chase. Hunk swallowed his surprise and did his best to keep up with the Alteans and (practically) Super Soldier of a human.
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Lance, for all his long legs, was barely the victor with Allura at his heels. Completely ignoring the fact that he just outran an Alien, Lance raised his hand and knocked. The wait allowed the rest of the team to catch up. The third was Shiro, followed by Coran (surprisingly) and quickly after him Keith. Said Red Paladin was covered in grass stains he was unceremoniously wrestled into by his brother. Needless to say, Keith was the only one scowling at the loss by the time team Punk arrived.
Everyone tried to catch their breath, and their Blue Paladin knocked impatiently for a second time. Shouts rose from behind the door were followed by several rapid footsteps. “ ¡No los hagas esperar, alguien abre la puerta! ” a panicked voice cried, who most of the team recognized as Rosa, Lance’s mother. Arguing followed, and as Lance raised his hand to knock again, the door flew open and smacked him in the face.
“Lance!” cried several of the team in worry. Racheal, who opened the door, blinked before bursting out in laughter. “Oi! You just hit me, don’t laugh!” Lance pointed at his twin while rubbing his face, who only laughed harder. She struggled to get a hold of herself and only stopped when Luis shoved her aside to pull Lance into a hug. “Don’t worry little bro, I missed you.” he cooed with a serious face, “You see, Racheal, this is why I am the superior twin”. She gasped at her Twin's remark, and they began to argue (though not nearly as much heat as some of Keith and His old arguments) over twin superiority. The rest of the group stood awkwardly until the rest of the McClains all joined out to give their hellos. The household was quickly filled with life as they wandered into the Living room.
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The team leader was watching Rosa cook lunch when the words that would send the house into ruin were spoken. “How do you cook Garlic Knots, do you boil them like Spaghetti?” Shiro inquired.
The entire household became mute, as they turned to Shiro. Most faces were pulled with shock and baffle, excluding the curious Alteans and Keith. Mama Rosa took a deep breath before setting down her knife to stop cutting garlic. “Porquita, no... Come here, I’ll try to get you out of your cooking rut while I make Lunch.”
At this, Hunk perked up. “You're making Lunch now?” Lance went pale, the rest of his family grinned. “No,” came the Blue Paladin’s voice, tinged with horror. The rest of the team turned to Voltron’s left leg, who blatantly ignored them as Hunk slowly stood up from the couch.
Lance popped off his spot on the wall and tagged after Hunk. “H-Hey, my man, remember yesterday when I sniped the Galra soldier that was about to mince you?” Lance blurted out the remark, only to be met with the cool determination of Hunk. “I remember, but I tanked an Ion cannon's blast for you when we returned to the Lions. You said the ‘life debt was repaid’ end quote.”
Lance began to visibly sweat as they got closer to the kitchen, his arms darted around as he tried to think of a way to stop this before it was too late. “Mami!” He cried, “You owe me a favor for when I helped with the chickens' last visit! You said so yourself!” Rosa pondered or at least acted like it. “Amorcito, I already paid the favor with all the snacks I sent back with you.” As Hunk rounded the kitchen corner, gently pulling a baffled Shiro along, Lance fell to his knees in a silent cry of despair. It was too late from the second 'Lunch' was mentioned.
“Uh… can we have some context?” Pidge turned to the non-panicky members of the family, all of whom were grinning the McClain smile™ from ear to ear. Most of the family raced off to the kitchen's bar, presumingly to watch, and the left behind Veronica puffed out a laugh, “Mama and Hunk always get like this whenever Lance forgets to hold them back. Look s' like he finally forgot this time”. She left without giving them the chance to ask more questions. The noise had significantly died down, save for the new sound of pots and pans clanging in the kitchen and argumentative voices of Rosa and Hunk. After a moment, Coran was the first to recover. “Lance, my boy, are you alright?” “Nooooo... “ he grumbled in reply, “they're going to give me a heart attack…”
Coran jumped up, and Allura tensed, before relaxing at remembering Pidge’s lecture on human slang and exaggeration that was ironed into their heads. Lance continued to shake on the floor as he mumbled “it’s going to be a bloodbath, my best friend and mom are going to kill each other and Shiro.” The green and red paladins both perked up at this (the team had slowly discovered how alike the two were). “Oh, I got to see this” Pidge cackled, stepping over their fallen teammate's body and into the open kitchen. Keith followed up until reaching Lance and grabbed him by the armpits to drag him along. Lance’s mumbles slowly became ponderings of ‘where did he go wrong’.
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The McClains were kind enough to offer the stools/front row seats to the cook-off to their guests. Lance barely stood as he leaned against an otherwise neutral Keith.
“I know Garlic Knots are classically baked, but frying them makes them more crispy!” Hunk argued as he continued to prepare. Rosita’s accent became more clear as she countered, “Ai, but then it turns into fast food! The bread is savored and less greasy when baked.” Shiro, the meat in the sandwich between the arguing cooks, looked more helpless than anyone present had ever seen him.
As the arguing over techniques slowly progressed into a battle of tug-a-war with the Black Paladin, people were passing around popcorn. Now Keith politely refused the popcorn, mainly because he was sure he’d choke on it by inevitable laughter. Which came at the petite woman shouting “Hunk, sweetie, I could flip you like a pancake with this wood paddle. Don’t compare my cooking to Olive Garden!”
The entire room laughed, save for the sulking Lance, but Shiro snapped his attention to Keith immediately. Shiro’s panic slowly turned into a sly and cunning expression, reminding Keith of the time Shiro pegged teenager him on raiding the Lieutenants Ice Cream stash. The Red Paladin’s smile quickly dropped.
Shiro smiled and cupped his hands over his mouth like a megaphone. “Wai-” Keith tried, “Keith’s cooking skills are just as bad as mine” but like Lance, he was too late.
Pidge, the gremlin, let out a silent string of ‘oooo~’ as everyone looked between the brothers. The sulking man on the floor finely seemed to snap out of his panic, not quite processing what was said.
Rosa and Hunk glanced at each other before Mama McClain nodded and stepped out of the kitchen. She rounded to the bar, her family parting like the Red Sea as she shuffled through, and grabbed Keith by the arm only to drag him back to the other side. Diego, Lance’s father, let out a whoop as he cheered on his wife. Meanwhile, their youngest son began crying out about how the situation became worse.
“Keith, you're with me. Hunk, you get Porquita.” Rosita began ordering out like an armies commander, “We will teach them as we go along, with all four of us making a quarter of the full meal.” “Fair. So we’ll be ranking their food instead?” “Precisely. Can you be a dear and grab our Aprons, Lance’s, and your Extra? I’m sure they are close enough to fit our apprentices.” Hunk, for the first time in half an hour, gave off a friendly smile, “Yes ma’am, but then it's showtime.” Rosa nodded. Snapping her fingers to catch the attention of an arguing Keith and Shiro, followed by them both flinching and their silence. She hummed, then began explaining the appliances they’d both be using. Lance took Keith’s vacant seat, rested his elbows on the bar counter, cupped his head in his hands, and let out a loaded sigh.
The popcorn was quickly disappearing, and so was Lance’s sanity.
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Two hours later, two men wobbled out of the kitchen carrying ingredients like the blood of their enemies on every inch of themselves. A now calmed down Hunk and Rosita were chatting as they set food on the table, dividing the plates and placing labels of the creators with stick-on name tags. The rest of the family and team Voltron began filing into seats.
A now clean Keith and Shiro, both rather tired and disgruntled, were guided by the shirt into seats by an equally tired and disgruntled Lance (who is slowly recovering, once seeing his best friend and Mami happily chatting) .
Lunch honestly looked more like Taco night than Spaghetti Lunch. A large bowl of pasta (the only thing the Head-Chefs agreed on how to cook for this portion of the lunch) was surrounded by different containers full of sauces, garnished mushrooms, cheese dip, egg frittata, and the holy grail of Garlic Knots littered the table.
Lance glanced over the food, which honestly didn't need labels with how different they were. Hunk, as expected, showed a balanced mix between a 5-star dinner and the best food truck at a carnival. Sauces were exploited, grease was present but maintained, and the flavor was so strong it could be tasted in the air. Shiro’s work mimicked Hunks, though messier and some uneven cooking. Surprisingly, the completely different colored sauces Shiro made looked edible. On the other hand, Rosa’s portion screamed home. The food looked warm and inviting, not too extreme but was neat to the point they’d be Pinterest photos. Keith’s looked similar to Rosa. Like Shiro, they were with the lower quality from lack of experience, however, there were some elements to the mixes and knots that Lance did not recognize from Hunk or his Mom.
Tossing the thought and bubbling confusion aside, Lance gently picked up one of his mom’s garlic knots and took a bite. Each knot always tasted better than the last, and it never got old. It was home, it was family. He felt relaxed for the first time in hours.
“Lance! Don’t eat yet, everyone will have to judge your teammate’s food!” Rosita chastised. Lance’s relaxed eyes flew open, and he gave a fearful glance over at Pidge, Coran, and Allura. While his family looked excited, the other three began to mimic Lance’s mood. The food-goo cake disaster truly scared the whole Voltron team. Keith and Shiro scrambled to stop the Chefs, but Hunk let out a harsh ‘shh!’ that shut them up real quick. They were both tense, and staring down in their laps. Rose set down the last water jug, passed Hunk a noodle spoon, and began placing cups of pasta onto everyone’s plates.
Veronica and Luis were the first to sacrifice their taste buds. Both going for Shiro’s odd colored-sauce, a twirl of noodles, and a quick bite. Shiro looked up and between them as they chewed, and Luis was the first to give critique. “Unorthodox, but it’s so different it’s good?”, Veronica hummed in agreement. Team Voltron went wide-eyed as the McClains tried, and Hunk gave Shiro a big smile with a thumbs up. Keith quickly snatched some of the quickly depleting sauce, shoved it in his mouth without noodles, then slammed his hands on the table. “What the Fuck?!” “Language.” came a chorus of replies. Keith ignored the call-out, and turned to his brother “Where did this come from?!” Shiro raised his hands in defense with an awkward smile. “I just followed Hunk’s instructions.” Hunk went wide eyes “Oh ho ho no, space dad” his familiar nervous tone returning, “don’t pin Angry-Keith on me, that combination was all you. You were a good pupil once you listened.” Shiro grinned shyly.
The rest of the team hesitantly tried and were pleasantly surprised. Lance tried it with Shiro’s Garlic Knots, a combo that sadly didn’t turn out so well as there was too much Grease on them. Most of the table agreed, to Hunk and Shiro’s disappointment.
Lance reached over to one of Keith’s garlic knots without a second thought and bit into it. He froze, and everyone turned to look at him. When he was quiet for several long seconds, Rosa reached over and laid a hand on Keith’s shaking shoulder.
Lance’s eyes seemed to clear, to which he let out a hum and took another bite. The entire table seemed to release a breath. “So,” Pidge started, “how is it?” Lance finished off the garlic knot and tapped his chin. “It’s…” pausing once more for dramatic effect, slowly regaining himself, “it’s no Mama’s specialty, but I’d rank it in my top 5 I’ve ever had.” The table seemed to scramble to reach out for one, as Lance continued to talk “It’s baked like hers, but the texture feels more like breaded fried chicken, which is as weird as all heck, but mullet pulled it off.” Keith’s eyes lit up, and Rosa gave a big smirk (probably where the family got it from) at the glare Hunk was sending her. Everyone agreed, with some enjoying it more than others. The sauce Keith made left much to be desired. Seemed like Keith had the opposite problem as Shiro.
As the table reconvened over which brother to vote for, Allura had a stroke of genius. She grabbed Keith’s Garlic Knot, dipped it unceremoniously in Shiro’s sauce, and chomped it down in one big bite. She hummed happily, and Coran was quick to follow with the experiment and pleased sounds. Allura swallowed before speaking with a smile “You know, putting the two together reminds me of my mother’s sweet bread from when I was a child. Not quite the same, but, it’s close.” The pair looked wistful. Coran chimed in, “Yes princess, with a bit of Juniberry juice it would taste just the same as her highness’s recipe...” and both of their gazes became a thousand galaxies away.
The table, now quiet and full of melancholy, tired the mix concoction. All talking was hushed, and oddly, full of chewing.
Marco, the eldest who had yet to speak, coughed into his fist. “I think it’s fair to say it’s a tie, as they work better together than apart.” The rest of the table voiced their agreement. Hunk lifted his hands to his head and screeched into them in frustration, and Rosa leaned her head back with a dramatic sigh. Lance let out his first laugh of the day, and the attention was once again redirected. “Man, you both were hoping to be the tiebreaker, huh?” the rest of the McClains chuckled in agreement, while Team Voltron stared at their back-to-normal teammate in reawoken confusion.
“Tiebreaker?” Pidge asked.
Papa Diego smiled and wordlessly stood up and left. A minute and the sound of a bang (followed by muffled cursing) down the hall later, he returned with a chalkboard full of tally marks. It was split down the middle, one side labeled with ‘Hunk’ and the other with ‘Rosa’. Under each of the columns, 27 tallies stood out in bold white.
“Lance had held us back for a year before we left for space.” Hunk explained. “We’ve been Voltron for roughly a year, so this is the first competition we’ve had in two years.”
“Rather disappointing really…” Rosa mumbled as she pulled out a piece of chalk and added one tally to each side.
Their peace-keeper squawked “I was doing a great job, but the space mumbo-jumbo and time wammy-blammy got me mixed up! I don’t have a space notepad to set a reminder with!” his voice became squeaky as he attempted to defend himself.
“To be fair,” Pidge cut in “our ‘space-tablets’ and ‘space-phones’ have notepads we use for missions all the time. I’ve seen you doodle and write in them before."
As Lance called out her lies, an argument and almost food fight began before the parents stepped in to not waste the food (Shiro, Diego, Rosa, and Coran). The room’s mood became happy and full of relaxed laughter once again. This time, with full bellies.