Archive of Our Own ^beta

A knock on the door outside the Jingshi pulls Lan Wangji out of his thoughts as he stared at paper in front of him.

“Wangji? I know you’re here.”

It’s his brother.

“I’m coming in.”

The sound of the door opening fills the building.

“Oh, Wangji.” Lan Xichen sighs as he sees the paper in front of his little brother. The familiar drawing of Wei Wuxian was one of the few things his brother had left of his friend. “It’s that day again. I came to check on you.”

“Mmn.” Lan Wangji responds, not looking up from the drawing. If he concentrates enough, he can still see the joyful grin that spread across Wei Ying’s face as he laid it on Lan Zhan’s desk. He can still smell the faint lingering scent of spice and lotus blooms that always clung to Wei Ying, even in the end.

“Uncle’s asked about you.” Lan Xichen tries to coax. “He’s worried.”

If Old Man Lan was really so worried about his dear nephew, he shouldn’t have beat him half to death Wei Ying’s voice says in Lan Wangji’s head. His voice is snide, mocking, bitter on behalf of Lan Zhan in a way it never was when the man was…. Here. Lan Wangji refuses to think of Wei Wuxian as dead.

“Tell Uncle I am recovering.” Lan Wangji’s voice is hoarse. There are days when he looks at the bottles of Emperor’s Smile, the torn red ribbon, the drawing, and wants to scream until his voice leaves his body.

Lan Xichen sits next to his brother and grabs his hand. “Brother, I am worried about you. You must not hang on to these items if they cause you this much pain.”

“He had worse pain.”Lan  Wangji whispers. “Mine is nothing in comparison.”

Lan Xichen gently raises a hand to his brother’s face, lifting it away from the drawing. “Pain is pain. One cannot be compared to another, especially when the other is no longer in pain.”

Lan Wangji snaps his head to meet Xichen’s concerned gaze. “How do you know?”

“Know what?”

“Wei Ying. He’s not in any pain?” Lan Wangji asks. He struggles to get up off the floor, the pain of sitting for so long on the hard floor not doing any favors to the still-healing wounds on his back. Lan Xichen helps him off the wooden floor.

“Well...You said so yourself. You’ve played Inquiry for him with no answer. That usually means a spirit has moved on, does it not?”

Lan Wangji doesn’t say anything as he allows Xichen to guide him to the bed in the middle of the room.

Lan Xichen’s right. When a spirit doesn’t answer Inquiry, it usually means one of two things: the spirit’s moved on, or they’re too broken to answer. He doesn’t want to believe that Wei Ying would shatter that easily… But if it had been Lan Xichen who died and Lan Wangji who was shoved out of the way of an attack…. Lan Wangji doesn’t know how he’d fare.

“Either way, Wangji, Young Master Wei would want you to move on and stop punishing yourself. It is not your fault for what happened, Young Master Wei made his own choices.” Lan Xichen sits next to his brother and sighs. He glances at the paper still on the table. “He was a good artist.”

Lan Wangji gives his brother a small nod. “Mmn. Wei Ying was talented in many things…. I should have told him that. I should have…” Lan Wangji clenches his fists. His brother touches his hands and gently unfolds them.

“No, Wangji, you mustn’t think like that. Besides, whether or not he’s moved on, I have the feeling we have not seen the last of Young Master Wei.”

“Lan Zhan! I can’t believe you still have this!”

Wei Wuxian walks up to his friend with a well-preserved piece of paper in his hands. It’d been a couple days since the events at Guyang Temple and Wei Wuxian had been bored and alone in the Jingshi . So he decided to do what he did best: snoop.

He stumbled across a pair of loose floorboards holding a couple of both empty and full bottles of Emperor’s Smile, a torn red ribbon, and underneath was a very familiar drawing. When he found them, he chuckled softly to himself and thought Lan Zhan was a lot more sentimental than others would think him to be.

“Meddling is forbidden.”

Lan Zhan’s voice pulls Wei Ying out of his thoughts.

Wei Ying laughs awkwardly, “Ahh, Lan Zhan, in my defense, you left me alone and bored. What else was I supposed to do besides meddle? Besides, I doubt that’s a real rule. You just made that up.” He accuses.

Lan Zhan gives him a thoroughly unimpressed look, before glancing at the paper in his hands. “It’s yours.”

Wei Ying huffs. “Technically, it’s yours. It was a gift, remember?” Wei Ying smiles softly, looking at the paper that was filled with fond memories of chasing Lan Zhan around.  He remembers trying to get the Young Second Master to smile at all costs. Wei Ying didn’t mind being called shameless, as long as Lan Zhan had that fire in his eyes.  He hopes Lan Zhan found something to smile about when he was gone.

“Mmn. I remember.”

“Hey, Lan Zhan, we were a little rowdy, weren’t we? The look on your face when you picked up that book!” Wei Ying snickers. “One of the best things I’ve ever done.”

“Wei Ying was rowdy. Still is rowdy.” Lan Zhan says. The corners of his lips twitch into a small, almost teasing, smile.

“I am not rowdy, I am mature.” Wei Ying argues.

“Wei Ying is Wei Ying.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Lan Zhan sighs and turns around. “Figure it out.” 

Wei Ying pouts and Lan Zhan wants to kiss the frown from his lips until he’s smiling again. He wants to make sure that bright smile stays on his face.

“I’m sorry, Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying says softly. “I left you all alone with A-Yuan and a burden that wasn’t yours to carry because I wasn’t strong enough to go on.  I’m really the opposite of mature.” He plops himself next to Lan Zhan and sighs softly.

“No. No need for sorry and thank you between us.” Lan Zhan says firmly. “I let you down too. I should have trusted you more...But I was afraid.”

“Afraid? What could Huangung-Jun possibly be afraid of?”

“I was afraid of losing you to demonic cultivation… Then I lost you anyway.” he admits. “Brother told you about my punishment.” It wasn’t a question. Wei Ying looks away, feeling a little regretfull that Lan Zhan knew what he and his brother talked about that evening after Lanling Tower. He nods. “The whipping didn’t hurt as much as the grief of losing you did.”

“Oh, Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying whispers. He was glad his friend was finally opening up to him, but he didn’t think it’d hurt this much to hear how his absence affected the unshakeable Huangung-jun.

“A-Yuan’s presence helped… He reminds me so much of you sometimes. And the drawing.” 

“The silly, stupid drawing I did because I was a silly, stupid child who didn’t know how to handle my feelings about a pretty boy.” Wei Ying interrupts, musing bitterly about how things could have been so different if he’d just done what he always did: said how he felt and damn the consequences.

“Not silly or stupid.” Lan Zhan says firmly. “I too, did not know how to handle my feelings about a pretty boy. I made him feel like I hated him or thought of him as a nuisance when it was the opposite.”

Wei Ying’s eyes widened. Did this mean his feelings were…. Reciprocated? “You liked a boy? Who was it? Was it Nie Huaisang? That must be pretty awkward now.”

“ Wei Ying. ” 

“Sorry, sorry. You know me, making bad jokes is how I cope.” He laughs, but Lan Zhan’s giving him a glare that says, for someone so smart, I can’t believe you’re this fucking stupid .  “So does that mean….?”

“Mmn.” 

“You’re going to have to say it, Lan Zhan. Just so there’s no more miscommunication between us.”

“I already told you.”

“What?! When?!”

Lan Zhan just hums. “In the cave. Xanuyu of Slaughter.”

“The song?”

Lan Zhan nods.

Wei Ying groans and runs a hand through his ponytail. “Why do you have to be so cryptic, Lan Zhan? If this is your way of saying the title is I Love Wei Wuxian, you have horrible taste in names and in love interests.”

“I do not have bad taste. I told you the title of the song, you just have a bad memory.” Lan Zhan says.

“How do you expect me to remember that? I was delirious with fever!” Wei Ying exclaims. “And it was so long ago! A lot of things have happened since!”

Lan Zhan thinks about it for a moment and Wei Ying had a good point. Maybe this would be easier if he just told him.

“Wangxian. The title of the song.”

Wei Ying looks at Lan Zhan’s eyes, those precious eyes that are looking back at him with so much fondness, affection and joy. He opens his mouth to say something, but words won’t come out. He’s speechless, for once in his life. So maybe he’ll take a page out of Lan Zhan’s book and let his actions speak for him.

Wei Ying flings himself into Lan Zhan’s waiting arms and kisses him.

Lan Zhan is frozen for a moment, but kisses back. The warmth of Wei Ying’s kisses does something to him and a tear falls from his eye.

Wei Ying pulls back and looks at him with a mixture of adoration, fondness, and humor. “Wow, Lan Zhan. If kissing me is that bad, I’ll never do it again.”

Lan Zhan growls and yanks Wei Ying back in his direction. “Everyday.”

“You want kisses every day?”

Lan Zhan nods.

Wei Wuxian grins. “I think I can do that.”