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Chapter Text

mood: so good – omar apollo

Jimin hasn’t let himself be impulsive in a long time. He’s forced himself into a learned rigidity even though he has a heart that seeks to break patterns, and buried somewhere in his teenage years is a little bit of a spontaneous streak. Taehyung knew it well when they first met, and they have it memorialized in the form of fading memories from when they’d take the metro to random stops in a city that was still a little foreign to them. 

He feels looser, lately. He craves change. It’s the kind of itch he always gets before he goes for a tattoo. It’s the feeling he used to tap in on when he’d go for a walk with the intention of getting lost, or when he’d let himself have the things he wanted without asking himself if he was sure first. Right now, he knows he’s not sure of very much at all, and for a change, he lets himself sit in that discomfort of unknowing. That’s what Namjoon would probably be telling him to do, if he was talking to him about all this. 

He opts for the more enabling of his two best friends, and he approaches Taehyung early in the morning by bursting into his room and yelling way too loudly for the time of day. 

“Kim Taehyung,” Jimin sings, coming to lean against Taehyung’s messy desk covered in art supplies and the magazines he uses to collage. “I need a favor.” 

Taehyung turns in his chair to smile at Jimin and stands. “I give you my yes in advance, but can we please discuss said favor in the living room? I need breakfast.” 

Jimin grins and leads the way out. “So,” Jimin starts, still giddy, “I need you to come to the salon with me.” 

Taehyung snatches him by the wrist and stops them by the entryway to the kitchen. “Excuse me, did you say salon?” 

Jimin shrugs, smiling coyly. “I wanna dye my hair.” 

“Jimin-ah… what? All of a sudden?” 

Jimin reaches for a strand of Taehyung’s own fading red hair and twirls it around his finger. “I know it’s out of nowhere, but I’ve… been feeling more like myself lately.” 

Taehyung narrows his eyes, and when Jimin drops his hand, Taehyung takes it upon himself to assess Jimin’s hair, carding through it, long and black. “What do you mean?” he asks. 

He shrugs again. “I miss it. I don’t know. I feel like it would be fun, and I feel ready to… commit myself to things that take work.” 

It’s cheesy, and Taehyung laughs at him, as he could have predicted. “Oh, Jimin-ah,” he chuckles. “What made you change your mind?” 

“I just feel different. Better.”

Taehyung smiles at him and goes into the kitchen to find a banana. “Only you could turn your hair crisis into something so poetic,” he laughs. 

“But Taehyung-ssi,” Jimin weeps dramatically, following him into the kitchen and holding a palm gently against Taehyung’s jaw despite the fact that he’s chewing a banana. “My prince, dyeing my hair will allow me to conceal my identity to escape with you.” 

Taehyung clutches his hand and pulls him into the living room, wielding his banana like a sword. “Park Jimin-ssi, does this mean you finally feel confident enough to leave the castle walls? You’re willing to abandon your kingdom for a forbidden love?” 

Jimin, extremely seriously, intertwines their fingers and drops to one knee. “Taehyung-ah, darling of my life, I would do anything for you. My silver hair will finally allow me to escape with you, and then we can begin our new life together.” 

Mouth falling open, Taehyung drops Jimin’s hand and his banana peel to the floor. His character vanishes in an instant, and then he’s pulling Jimin to his feet. “Wait. Silver?” 

Jimin chuckles weakly. “Surprise?” 

Taehyung groans, looking Jimin up and down even though he’s just in pajamas. “Jimin-ah,” he exclaims, “you’re gonna look so hot. Ugh. Maybe we should make out when you dye it just for old time’s sake.” 

Jimin laughs him off, feeling a little shy. “Kim Taehyung, you’re literally married to Hoseokie-hyung.” 

Taehyung waves a hand around. “Your point is moot. I can kiss my hot best friend if I want.”

Jimin spins around and looks over his shoulder with a flourish. “Only if we get to ride away together on horseback, my brave warrior.” 

Taehyung winks, lowering his voice when he speaks. “Oh, Jimin-ssi, just make sure you hold on tight.” 

He pulls Jimin by the waist into his arms, and Jimin, batting his eyelashes, whispers, “I’ll never let you go.” Then Taehyung dips Jimin nearly to the floor and presses a gross, loud, wet kiss to his closed lips. 

They come apart giggling furiously, Jimin falling all over Taehyung and pushing his face into Taehyung’s shoulder. They’re interrupted by a slight cough and the sound of Jeongguk murmuring, “Umm… am I interrupting something?” 

Jimin sees him smiling softly, and instead of feeling angry that Jeongguk might be acting judgmental, he notes the fond look on his face and grows a little flustered instead. 

“Obviously, Jeongguk,” says Taehyung, tightening his grip on Jimin’s waist and pulling him so their sides are flush together. “We’re about to run away from our kingdoms to start a new life together.” 

“Umm…” says Jeongguk again, trying to fight his giggles. Jimin blushes madly and refuses to meet Jeongguk’s eyes. “Good luck with that?” 

Taehyung sticks his tongue out at Jeongguk and waves him off. “Shoo, you pleb. We don’t need good luck. We have love. ” 

“Is this why we never hang out as the three of us?” Jeongguk asks, fiddling with his shirt sleeves and still looking at the two of them with bright, endeared eyes. 

“Yes,” Jimin and Taehyung reply in harmony. 

“Do you always kiss this much?” inquires Jeongguk, finally remembering that he doesn’t have to be frozen in place and coming to sit on the couch. 

Taehyung pauses thoughtfully, using a hand to lift Jimin’s jaw and study his face. Jimin cutely purses his lips at him. “Not anymore, but maybe we should bring it back.” He turns to look at Jeongguk. “Jiminie and I are masters of the platonic kiss. Right?”

“Right,” Jimin agrees, and he kisses Taehyung on the corner of his mouth. 

Jeongguk squirms on the couch, clearly flustered. Jimin’s almost tempted to walk over there and kiss Jeongguk for real, just to calm him down, but they’ve never shown any kind of affection in front of Taehyung. It feels like it might be some kind of faux pas. 

“Um…” Jeongguk says a third time, bright red. 

Jimin decides to roll with the jokes instead. 

“Oh my god, Taehyung-ah,” laughs Jimin, “his face.” 

“Jeon Jeongguk,” Taehyung tsks. “You need to control your expressions.”

Jeongguk just laughs, shaking his head. “You guys are… something else.” 

Taehyung merely shrugs, dropping his arm from Jimin’s waist to hold his hand instead. 

“Honestly, Jeongguk-ah,” says Jimin, “you’ve lived here for so long, you should really know this by now.” 

“What I want to know is how I’m supposed to move on after realizing there is definitely no Korean historical drama about a gay forbidden love between royals,” moans Taehyung.

Jimin facepalms. “Fuck. We’re too big-brained.” 

Taehyung clicks his tongue. “We have to drop out of school and go into the entertainment industry now. Honestly, someone should hire us.” He eyes his abandoned banana peel and goes to pick it up. “Now what time are we going to the salon?” 

“My appointment is at 11,” Jimin tells him. 

“Salon?” pipes Jeongguk from the couch. 

“It’s hair crisis season, Jeongguk-ah,” Taehyung mutters, like that’s supposed to answer all his questions. 

Taehyung claims that part of going to get his hair done is to dress the part, so Jimin listens without much resistance, mostly because he’s so happy that the two of them will get an afternoon together in a way they haven’t for a very long time. Taehyung drags Jimin from the living room to his bedroom and forces him to dress nicely, so Jimin shoves his legs into tight black jeans and tries not to complain too much when Taehyung makes him tuck his shirt in. 

“Oh my god,” Taehyung gasps while rifling through Jimin’s clothes as if Jimin is going to change again. “This means you’ll be blonde again eventually. I’ll get pink Jimin back!” 

Jimin just laughs at him. 

It’s still only beginning to become summer, and the weather usually begs something warmer in morning and evenings but has him sweating by lunch. Jimin takes a leather jacket with him to the salon anyway, because he’s sure the air conditioning in there will leave him with a chill when he gets his hair wet.

Once there, Taehyung keeps him entertained while he sits under heat with the bleach in his hair, knowing that he’ll probably regret going straight to a lighter color but thankful that his stash of purple shampoo still lives safely in their bathroom. It takes a couple of hours to do the bleach and the color, and by the end of it all, Taehyung is buzzing in his seat, almost as fired up as the summer thunderstorm brewing outside. When all is said and done and Jimin’s hair is blown dry, they pay in a rush, and Taehyung drags Jimin to the sidewalk to take photos of him. The clouds threaten to burst any moment, but Taehyung pays them no mind, readjusting Jimin’s poses and catcalling him, claiming that the storm clouds make for the perfect background to match the new color of his hair. 

“Mother Nature was watching,” explains Taehyung. “She brought us a storm because she knew it would make you look extra pretty. It would be a shame if we don’t take advantage of it.” 

They rush home, and Taehyung keeps making him laugh on the metro, saying, “I don’t even wanna go to Hobi’s later, you look so sexy. Ugh, my prince.” 

Jimin giggles at him, pinching his side and blushing. “You’re leaving Hoseok-hyung for me?” he asks, batting his eyelashes. 

Taehyung makes an incredulous sound. “Um, fuck no. You have your own boyfriend.”

Jimin frowns at him, crossing his arms. Sometimes Taehyung gets a little too playful when talking about Jeongguk. “Taehyung–”

Taehyung rolls his eyes and slings an arm over Jimin’s shoulders. “Relax. I’m joking. I know you’re both emotionally incompetent anyway.” He pauses, studying Jimin carefully. “He’s gonna go crazy over this, by the way.” 

“Over what?” asks Jimin. 

“Your hair, ” Taehyung says like Jimin is stupid, carding a hand through it, all silver and soft and sweet smelling from the blow out and hair products. 

“What, why do you say that?” Jimin mumbles. 

Taehyung looks like he wants to slam his head into a wall. “Because you look hot, Jimin-ah. There’s literally nothing else to it.” 

Jimin just pouts at him, but he feels confident. Even if Jeongguk doesn’t react, getting his hair done is like a sigh of relief. He feels a little bit more like himself – and he knows he looks good. 

They make plans to watch movies for the rest of the afternoon, Taehyung sending a strongly worded text to Jeongguk to join them despite Jimin’s halfhearted protests, and they race the storm on their way back from the metro stop. They luck out, and the rain only starts with a loud clap of thunder once they’re safely inside their apartment. The humidity has Jimin’s shirt sticking to his shoulders, but he doesn’t bother to take his jacket off. 

Jeongguk is sitting on the couch when they get home, cuddled up under a fuzzy blanket and clad in an unusually bright pink shirt. He’s so cute that Jimin has to look down at his feet without even offering him a smile when he walks through the door. Though when he hears Jeongguk’s audible gasp, he looks up again, and Jeongguk is looking at him with bright, wide eyes. 

“Hyung,” Jeongguk blurts. “Your hair looks so good. You look so pretty.” 

Jimin looks away again, blushing furiously but this time catching Taehyung’s eye, who’s standing to the side as he kicks off his shoes, pretending to be on his phone even though Jimin knows better. He shoots Jimin a smug smile, making a face that says, I told you so, but thankfully keeping quiet. 

Jimin manages to get his bearings, giving Jeongguk a smirk and saying, “Where was this reaction before, huh? Was the black that bad?” 

He’s teasing, but Jeongguk’s eyes seem to widen even more, shifting under the blanket and pulling it up to his chin. “No, Jimin– Jimin-hyung, you look good all the time, but–” 

Jimin chuckles as ducks down to take off his boots. “Hmm? It’s that good? It’s been a while, y’know. I used to dye my hair all the time.” 

“Really?” Jeongguk murmurs, rubbing his hands on his legs. “I bet you’d look good in every color, but silver, um. Wow. I’m rambling. But yeah, you look so pretty. Tell your hairdresser… um… good job.”

This time, Taehyung is unable to hide his snicker, but he stifles it into his hand. Then suddenly Jeongguk stands, the blanket falling to the floor. 

Jimin giggles at him again, running a hand through the softness of his hair and pushing it back. “Where are you going? I thought you were gonna hang out with us finally?”

Jeongguk just moves toward the hallway, ducking his head. “Um, I just gotta– yeah, maybe later.” 

Then he flees. 

Taehyung laughs hysterically as soon as he hears Jeongguk’s bedroom door shut, and it tinkers throughout the room prettily, just like the rain from outside. He throws himself onto the couch and pulls the blanket over him, chortling, “Oh my god, Jimin-ah, you fucking broke him.” 

Jimin’s sure he’s still bright red, and he can feel it in his face, but he laughs too, coming to sit next to Taehyung and stealing some of the blanket. He tries to catch his breath, so unused to Jeongguk so openly losing his composure in front of him, let alone complimenting him in front of someone else. Or really, complimenting him at all. 

“I was not expecting that reaction,” Jimin admits. 

“I literally told you so,” Taehyung laughs, reaching for the remote. “Just wait until he gets you alone.” 

“Shut up, ” Jimin whines, swatting him. A pause. Then he wonders. “What the hell does he tell you about our sex life?” 

Taehyung merely zips his lips and throws away the key. 

They watch a few movies before Taehyung goes to Hoseok’s, suiting up cutely with his umbrella and rain boots and leaving Jimin with a parting kiss to the forehead. Jeongguk returns not too long after, shyly poking his head around the corner and then coming into the living room when he sees that the coast is clear. He returns to the couch, big eyes dark and not leaving Jimin for a second. 

mood: sweet night – v

Jimin gives him the prettiest smile he can muster, and Jeongguk exhales, putting a hand on Jimin’s knee. “Sorry I left you before, hyung,” murmurs Jeongguk, leaning into Jimin’s side and bringing their faces a little closer together. His pretty eyes are as wide as saucers, full of something just as sweet. “I really… didn’t know if I could sit and watch movies for hours with you guys and not touch you.” He chuckles softly, blushing. Jimin blushes, too. “And I didn’t know if you wanted me to touch you in front of Taehyung, and then I started thinking too hard, so I just excused myself.” 

Jimin’s smile grows wider, looking down at Jeongguk’s big hand on his thigh. “So much self control, Jeongguk-ah.” 

“ But, ” Jeongguk continues, “I heard him leave, and I just… I can’t stop thinking about you.” He shifts on the couch, fingers running up the inseam of Jimin’s jeans, his mouth dropping to Jimin’s neck. “God, I have to have you.” He lifts his head again like he’s changing his mind, wanting to look at Jimin in the eyes, wanting their lips to brush. When he speaks, his voice is low but pleading, honest and hopeful. “Hyung, hyung, please let me have you. Can I please have you?” 

Jimin giggles again, raising a hand to Jeongguk’s cheek to kiss him like honey just once, petting at the smooth skin of his face. “Jeon Jeongguk always talks sweetly to me when he wants something. You must really want me if you’re saying please to me this much.” 

“I’ll say please as much as you want, hyung,” Jeongguk replies. He moves his head back as if to get a more complete look at Jimin’s face, bringing up one hand to card through the softness of Jimin’s hair. “You look so beautiful.” 

Jimin’s breath hitches, and he isn’t able to catch it before Jeongguk kisses him again.

“You said you used to do this all the time?” Jeongguk asks, still looking at him, gaze unwavering. He’s looking at Jimin like he’s the sunrise after a long night. It makes Jimin shudder. 

“I can show you pictures if you wanna see,” Jimin whispers. He drops his voice because he’s suddenly overwhelmed. The noise feels like it could break the moment, and he wants to live in the softness of it instead – the sound of the rain, Jeongguk’s breathing, his heartbeat in his ears. “I’ve had pretty much every color.” 

“I do,” Jeongguk agrees, nodding, “I wanna see.” 

“Right now?” giggles Jimin, reaching for his phone. 

Jeongguk stops him with a hand on top of his, the one on the back of his head turning their faces together. “No– after– Can I, please, hyung? Whatever you wanna do we can do, but, please, let me have you.” 

Jimin has to giggle again, unsure of why Jeongguk is so overwhelmed, why he’s begging as if Jimin wouldn’t drop anything just to be beneath him. He presses their lips together. “You have me, baby. You’re always asking me these questions you know the answer to. I want you, you have me, so take me.” 

“Jimin-hyung,” Jeongguk murmurs, finally raising both hands to Jimin’s face to cup both of his cheeks, “you really look so beautiful.” 

Jimin blushes furiously, even as Jeongguk kisses him. Weakly, against the softness and warmth of Jeongguk’s lips, he musters, “I always look this good,” but it falls flat against his rapid heartbeat in his ears. Jeongguk hasn’t called him beautiful since the first night they met, when he was leaning so cheekily into Jimin’s ear and working his way back to Jimin’s bed at home. 

They lose themselves in each other for a little while, hands wandering – Jimin’s tracing Jeongguk’s back and shoulders as Jeongguk’s fingers stay carding through the softness of Jimin’s silver, shimmery hair. Jeongguk seems to catch himself eventually, reminded of his bigger plans, and when he pulls away from the kiss he reaches for one of Jimin’s hands and laces their fingers together. 

Jimin’s heart only seems to go faster, and he has to take a moment for himself, staring down at his small fingers intertwined between Jeongguk’s, because it’s been so long since they held hands. He hasn’t let himself ever reach for it, no matter how badly he yearned to. He had thought it might be too much, but in this instant, he can’t believe the way they fit. 

Jeongguk pulls him to stand, and slowly they make their way down the hall, stopping to press one another against the wall to kiss. Their fingers don’t unlock the entire way, and Jimin doesn’t even realize that Jeongguk is taking him to his own bedroom instead of Jimin’s until they’re already there. Too caught up to overthink it, they fall into bed like it’s natural to be here, and Jimin is hit with a warm rush of memories of the two of them pressed up against each other in this bed, under Jeongguk’s fairy lights, giggling into each other’s shoulders. 

Jeongguk lays him down so gently, leaning over Jimin with his wavy hair falling into his bright eyes as he stares down at Jimin. Then he kisses him. He kisses him and kisses him and all they can hear is the sound of their lips meeting and the thunderstorm outside. “Jimin,” he starts, breathless, “Jimin, Jimin-hyung.” 

He’s on repeat, saying Jimin’s name over and over again like suddenly he can’t control the words slipping past his lips. 

“Baby,” Jimin murmurs from beneath him, patting a hand against his cheek, “what is it?” 

“I don’t know,” mumbles Jeongguk, pressing kisses to Jimin’s neck. “I just– you’re so beautiful.” 

Jimin blushes yet again, pushing his face into Jeongguk’s hand and shifting against the sheets. “You keep saying that.”

Jeongguk flashes him that gorgeous smile. “‘Cause I keep thinking it.”

 “Aish,” Jimin mumbles, trying to bury his face into the pillow. “You’re too much.” 

Jeongguk uses a finger to tilt Jimin’s head back up, lowering his weight more fully onto Jimin beneath him and caging him in with his arms. “Am I making you blush?” Jeongguk asks, skirting his lips Jimin’s jaw. 

“Shush, you,” says Jimin, craning his neck up for a kiss. Jeongguk indulges him, letting his hips drop into Jimin’s lap and kissing him hard. The rain picks up outside, splattering against Jeongguk’s window. They’d forgotten to turn the lights on when they walked in, but other than the string of lights glistening over Jeongguk’s bed, lightning flashes outside, and in brief seconds they’re painted yellow and blue. 

“What do you want, hyung?” asks Jeongguk. “Tell me.” 

He reaches beneath Jimin’s shirt and pushes it up his abdomen. He keeps one hand on Jimin’s face and the other runs up and down Jimin’s belly, along the line of his abs, circling his nipples. Jimin has to suck in a deep breath through his teeth, trying to compose himself in order to keep up that banter that he and Jeongguk always manage to have, even though there’s a part of him that just wants to let himself go right now. “You’re not gonna fuck me, baby?” 

Jeongguk rolls his hips down. “I will. Of course I will.” 

Jimin just blinks at him. “Then I want that.” 

“That’s it?” Jeongguk murmurs, hand running all the way up Jimin’s abdomen, beneath the collar of his shirt, petting at his neck. 

“M’not some picky brat, Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin whines through his pout. He sits up to pull his shirt over his head and resettles with his back against the headboard. He pries Jeongguk’s shirt off, too. “Just want you.” 

Jeongguk makes an excited little noise at Jimin’s words and then pushes his face into Jimin’s neck, wrapping him into a hug. “I love when you say that.” 

“I want you, Gguk,” Jimin murmurs, nudging Jeongguk’s side until he catches the hint and rolls off of Jimin. Jimin makes them trade places, settling on Jeongguk’s lap and moving his face slowly closer, repeating, “Want you, want you,” until their lips are brushing. 

They kiss again, but things have shifted. Jimin uses his new position on top of Jeongguk to grind down in his lap, and Jeongguk goes wild, twisting his fingers in Jimin’s hair and making sure he’s never too far away. Jimin’s not sure how long they kiss, but he winds up licking into Jeongguk’s mouth until both of their cocks are straining hard against their jeans. 

Jeongguk pulls back to card through Jimin’s hair more deliberately, the silvery strands falling through his fingers. Nosing up Jimin’s neck, he inhales the sweet scents of the shampoos they used to wash Jimin’s hair at the salon earlier. “You smell so good,” he says, giggling adorably. He’s so lovely that Jimin feels like he might burst with no place to put his feelings. 

“Should I go to the salon more often? Makes you so cute.” 

Jeongguk blinks at him, lips pink and eyes wide. “Jiminie-hyung thinks I’m cute?” 

Jimin pushes his face into Jeongguk’s shoulder. “Shhh, it’s a secret,” he whispers. 

He says it like a joke, but suddenly he feels ready to spill everything to Jeongguk right now, to speak his feelings just because he’s so overwhelmed by them. He doesn’t, of course. He swallows them down and pulls Jeongguk closer, going for the waistband of his joggers and slipping one hand in his briefs to palm at Jeongguk’s big cock. He hopes that touch will help override this feeling – he thinks it’s love, he thinks it’s euphoria. It’s all so much that he might break, and somehow they’re too close and not close enough all at once. He doesn’t know how else to describe it, he just knows that this sensation will only part once he finally speaks his heart. But now’s not the time for that, not when they’re swept in each other, stripping off their clothes, speaking in bodies like they only way they know how, in that habit they’ve created. 

mood: window – still woozy

It hits just a little bit too hard, because when Jeongguk goes to suck a bruise on his neck after they’ve finally worked their way out of their tight clothes, Jimin squirms beneath him. If Jeongguk bites down, it would be in the perfect spot for him to see when he looks at the mirror – and it’s too much. It’s a reminder that this isn’t what he wants it to be. 

Yet , he allows himself to think. 

“No, wait,” Jimin breathes. “No marks, okay?” 

Jeongguk moves his lips away hurriedly, meeting Jimin’s gaze with wide, worried eyes. “What?” he whispered, one hand subconsciously rubbing up and down Jimin’s side. “It’s never bothered you before.” 

Jimin goes to lie. He wants to make up some excuse about a presentation or a performance or something, but he falters. He can’t bear to lie to Jeongguk any more than he already has. 

“I just–” Jimim mumbles. “I like it too much.” 

Jeongguk blinks at him, petting the soft skin of his hip. “Hyung, what do you mean?” 

Jimin forces his face not to crumple, brushing his lips against Jeongguk’s cheek to console him. “Just no marks today, okay, Jeongguk? Please.” 

Jeongguk nods, forcing himself to understand. He pushes his face against the softness of Jimin’s lips, as if to feel his touch a little harder. “Okay, Jimin-hyung,” he replies. His hand grips desperately at Jimin’s waist. “Can I still kiss you?” 

 He looks so broken, and Jimin hates to think that Jeongguk might feel like he’s been rejected. That’s the last thing Jimin wants to do. He just wants to be able to handle himself, and tonight this all feels like so much. Jimin surges forward, cupping his jaw as he kisses him. 

“Of course,” breathes Jimin. “Kiss me wherever you want.” 

Jeongguk whines beneath him, their cocks brushing together. “Your lips, please. Just wanna kiss you.” 

Jimin has to stop his expression from falling further than it probably already has, and he puts his other hand on Jeongguk’s face, looking deeply in the eyes, trying to tell him that nothing’s changed. “Come here, baby. I still want you, okay? Want you so bad. Fuck me like you said you would.” 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk murmurs, and a semblance of a smile plays at his lips before Jimin kisses him. 

He keeps him close for a little while, doing his best to console him without words until he finally feels like Jeongguk has relaxed enough beneath him. Jimin reaches for his cock again, stroking him until he’s making soft sounds into Jimin’s mouth. 

“Touch me,” Jimin asks, once his cock is too hard against his stomach and all he can think of the way it feels when Jeongguk is inside of him, when their bodies are flush, when every movement of his hips touches that perfect spot inside of Jimin. 

“Want you so bad,” says Jeongguk as he lifts Jimin out of his lap and lays him down. He fucks Jimin quick with his fingers but keeps kissing him. They exchange no more words until Jimin is whining beneath him, grinding back on the long, thick length of Jeongguk’s fingers inside of him, making far more sounds than usual and not holding back how loudly they spill past his lips. 

There’s a moment when Jeongguk gently removes his fingers from Jimin’s hole and Jimin reopens his eyes from how they were closed in pleasure. When they lock their gazes on each other, for a second, Jimin feels like he doesn’t have to say anything at all. The eye contact seems to speak for itself. 

Jeongguk positions himself between Jimin’s legs, slicking up his cock and holding both of Jimin’s thighs. It’s not close enough. As soon as Jeongguk is all the way inside of him, Jimin throws his legs over Jeongguk’s shoulders, folds himself in half to be closer, ever closer to this person who he feels so much for. Jeongguk’s breath hitches at the new position, and he leans all the way over Jimin’s body, their chests flush, their mouths meeting like they’re never supposed to be apart. 

Even when their mouths do part ways, Jeongguk’s lips never still never leave him– and though they don’t suck and bite like they normally do, he skirts them gently along Jimin’s neck and by Jimin’s ear to whisper sweet things about how good he feels. It’s not the craziest sex they’ve ever had. Jimin isn’t begging in Jeongguk’s ear. Jeongguk’s hands aren’t tied above his head. But it feels good, good in a way sex hadn’t felt until Jeongguk, who Jimin knows so well, who he always wants, even in the aftermath, the warm glow, the coming down together and the words that follow. Jeongguk, who he never wants to be apart from. 

Maybe it’s the emotions burning up inside of Jimin’s chest that have seeped down to pool in his abdomen, but he doesn’t last long. He comes undone against Jeongguk’s strong body, fucking himself back against Jeongguk’s cock until he’s almost crying for it. He lets moans slip past his lips until Jeongguk has got a fist around Jimin’s length and is so sweetly asking him to let go. 

“Come for me, hyung,” he whispers, dragging his lips along the shell of Jimin’s ear. “You feel so good, look so beautiful. C’mon, my Jiminie.” 

All Jimin can muster is, “ Fuck, ” and then he’s falling apart, thighs trembling where they’re bent at the knee, Coming all over Jeongguk’s big fist with loud, breathy moans. With a loose hand still stroking Jimin’s oversensitive length, Jeongguk fucks Jimin until he reaches his own orgasm, kissing Jimin all the while. He doesn’t let his body relax until he’s gently lifted Jimin’s legs from atop his shoulders, and with a parting kiss, he slowly pulls out of Jimin to come to lie next to him. 

“Was so good,” Jimin tells him as he leans over to hand him a tissue from the nightstand. “You’re always so good, Jeongguk-ah.” 

Jeongguk wipes down his hand and tosses the tissue to the side before rolling onto his side, kissing Jimin all over again. “You’ll lay with me?” Jeongguk asks him, a clap of thunder shaking the whole room, reminding Jimin of the storm clouds that linger over the two of them. Looming in the sky are the heavy-topped cumulonimbus, fat with rain, making Jimin wonder if the sun will ever come back after it ends. In the meantime, lightning makes it all seem so pretty. The momentary beauty of it all. 

“Of course,” Jimin mumbles. “Good luck moving me.” 

Jeongguk throws an arm over Jimin’s waist. “Good luck escaping, more like.” 

Jimin giggles, and for the first time, unhesitatingly, he reaches for Jeongguk’s hand and interlaces their fingers. Jimin stares at the place where their bodies connect, and a sudden chill runs over him. The storm has made the room dark and colder than usual, and Jeongguk reaches for the fuzzy blanket folded at the end of the bed and pulls it over both of them. Jimin takes their hidden hands and plops them on top of the blanket so he can continue to stare. He uses his other index finger to trace over the four letters on Jeongguk’s knuckles. 

MONO. 

It’s clearly Namjoon written into his skin, the first collection of poetry he’d turned into his songs. It’s his diary, his lifeline, every honest piece of him spelt out in four letters. 

“You’d do that?” Jimin asks, knowing Jeongguk will understand with just a few words. “Get a tattoo for someone?” 

It’s the exact opposite of how Jimin feels. He’s someone who feels so much and loves so hard – but when it comes to people, he’s afraid of their failing permanency, the way they might leave, how he might not do them justice. 

Jeongguk lifts both of their hands to study his own tattoo. “I mean, yeah,” he says simply. “I don’t know why I wouldn’t.” 

“What if you fall out?” Jimin wonders quietly, voice hushed. 

Jeongguk shrugs, squeezing Jimin’s hand. “Doesn’t matter. That’ll never change the way he’s helped me up until now.” 

Jimin hums. He loves that Jeongguk thinks like that. Their hearts are so very different, and yet Jimin can’t help but think that when he gets to see Jeongguk fully stripped bare, there’s so much of himself that wants to be like Jeongguk. He wants to learn Jeongguk and then learn from him. He knows that when the two of them peel back all of their layers, they’re the type of people who can grow because of each other, and hopefully, with each other. 

“I think you’re right,” Jimin replies. “I like that.” 

Even in the dim light, fairy lights painting little shadows all over them, Jeongguk’s smile is so dazzling. 

“So are we talking about tattoos now?” Jeongguk asks cheekily, turning onto his side and trailing his fingers beneath the blanket to trace over the big letters plastered on Jimin’s ribcage. His hand moves so gently, and his eyes trace the goosebumps that appear along Jimin’s torso. 

“If you want to,” Jimin murmurs. 

“‘Nevermind,’ hm?” 

“I feel like the meaning is obvious,” Jimin replies. “It’s just a message to myself… to keep going, y’know? Nevermind how bad things are, keep going, keep doing the things I love.” He chuckles wryly. “I guess sometimes I don’t take my own advice.” 

mood: bedroom – litany 

Jeongguk flashes a grin at him, coming to kiss the corner of Jimin’s mouth. “We’re both guilty of that, though.” 

Jimin, filled with a fondness that blooms so big that it takes up his entire chest, chuckles, kissing Jeongguk again. “Very true. Now tell me about another one, you have way more than me.” 

“Sure,” Jeongguk replies, turning onto his back again and stretching out so most of his ink is on display. He doesn’t let go of Jimin’s hand. “Pick one.” 

Jimin uses the opportunity to touch Jeongguk again, propping himself up and running fingers all over the smoothness of Jeongguk’s skin, even in the places without tattoos. He stops on Jeongguk’s forearm, tracing more words and the outline of a thick-lined skeletal hand. 

“‘Rather be dead than cool?’” Jimin asks. 

Jeongguk chuckles. “It’s not so literal. Like yours–” Jeongguk says, touching Jimin’s rib cage again, “–it’s just something I like to remind myself of. I just want to stick to my values, y’know? I’d rather… try to be the version of myself that I want to be, not some idea of what I should be, or what people expect me to be.” 

Jimin nods in understanding, tracing the butterfly on Jeongguk’s hand but not bothering to ask about it. Sometimes pretty things don’t need to be anything other than that. Beauty for the sake of beauty. He stops on the big rectangle on the inside of Jeongguk’s arm. It’s a tarot card – the lovers. Unlike the rest of his tattoos, this piece is highlighted with splashes of red. 

“I didn’t think you’d be into stuff like this,” Jimin says, outlining the two bodies inside of the card with his fingertip. 

Jeongguk blushes, pushing his nose to brush against Jimin’s cheek before stealing a kiss. “I like the meaning of the actual card more than I’m into… spiritual stuff like that. But I do believe in fate, and love, and destiny. Stuff like that.” 

Jimin hums, but he can’t deny the hope that sparks in him. 

Jeongguk pokes him in the chest, but kisses him yet again, speaking against his lips. “Your turn. You’re overdue, I did two.” 

Jimin chuckles. “Pick one, then.” 

“Well, this one is your birthday, right?” he asks, touching the number 13 on the inside Jimin’s wrist. Jimin nods. “Okay, so what about this?” 

He stops on the X at the juncture of Jimin’s forearm. 

“Ah, another reminder,” Jimin chuckles. “I guess I get boring tattoos. It’s a lot of things. A way of telling myself no. A way of grounding myself. It’s a lot. I think I change the meaning based on how I feel.” He laughs again. “Maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all.” 

“Isn’t it cool?” Jeongguk asks happily, carding through Jimin’s silver hair. “Tattoos are so cool. They’re like… the only thing where we get to decide what they mean and how we feel about them, and no one can tell us otherwise. I think that’s part of why I like them.”  

They go over a few more – the tigerlily on Jeongguk’s arm, the word “lie” written above Jimin’s elbow, but their conversation shifts eventually. It’s too early to sleep, so they spend the rest of the night together. They manage to drag themselves out of bed at some point, Jimin throwing on one of Jeongguk’s big shirts as they scavenge the kitchen for food that doesn’t require real cooking. Then they fall back into bed again, staring out the window at the relentless storm and letting it feel like the rain is washing over their bodies instead of just their apartment building. Their hands and limbs find each other once more, fucking again, exchanging another round of hushed words, Jeongguk repeating the word “beautiful” like he’s talking to summer itself. 

And then they sleep, tucked under Jeongguk’s duvet, bodies fitted together like lovers. They’re perfectly imperfect, finding each other’s curves like the way the moon’s shadow fits against Earth’s gleaming light. 

They wake up slow to a kind of quiet they hadn’t had the night before, with sunlight streaming through Jeongguk’s window and no rain splattering against the side of the building. Jimin opens his eyes to a mess of black hair pressed into his neck and a big, strong body halfway on top of his. 

“Ugh, Jeongguk,” Jimin mutters, shoving him a little bit. “Your hair is basically in my mouth.” 

Jeongguk groans into Jimin’s skin, pressing a kiss there and fluttering his eyelashes in soft little butterfly kisses to get Jimin giggling. “But you’re so comfy, hyung,” 

“Can’t a different part of me be comfy?” Jimin whines.

“Are you gonna let me kiss you even though it’s the morning?” Jeongguk asks, raising a finger to Jimin’s lips to run his fingertip along them. “You have perfect pillow lips. Extremely comfy.” 

Jimin laughs, low and rough with sleep. He didn’t know he could be this happy just after waking up. “You can kiss me.” 

Jeongguk does, of course. He kisses Jimin deeply without parting his lips and tangles their legs. When he pulls back, he leans over Jimin and stares down at his body cast in the shadowy pattern formed by sunlight challenging the blinds. He starts to trace over Jimin’s skin, naked again from when they’d had sex before sleeping, and Jimin just lets him, closing his eyes still weighed heavy with sleep. 

“Your hair looks pretty in the sunlight,” Jeongguk murmurs, pushing it off of Jimin’s forehead. “How are you so pretty when you just woke up?”

“Mmm,” Jimin groans, half asleep with the sun lulling him back into his dreams. “Natural born talent.” 

“You’re literally liquid silver now,” Jeongguk whispers. “All fluid and shiny. Can’t imagine what you’d look like when you dance.” 

Jimin just lets Jeongguk talk, too sleepy and content to think about responding. He can’t think too hard, not when he just awoke in a dream that’s carrying over into his morning. If he lets his mind get too alert, he’ll notice all of the details of this moment and try to understand what they mean. He’ll probably panic. Jeongguk’s fingers walk along Jimin’s abdomen and then linger at his hips before withdrawing sharply, accompanied by a quiet inhale, harsh through Jeongguk’s nose. 

Jimin snaps his eyes open, and he sees Jeongguk’s fingers hovering over bruises, shaped like his own fingers pressing into Jimin’s hips. 

“Hyung…” Jeongguk whimpers. “I’m so sorry… I didn’t…” 

Then it clicks for Jimin. He’d told Jeongguk not to leave bruises last night. 

“Baby,” Jimin murmurs, taking Jeongguk’s hand and lacing their fingers so he doesn’t have to watch the way it hesitates over his skin. “Relax. It’s okay. I think those ones were already there.” 

Between the position they were in last night and the color of the marks, plus the fact that Jeongguk was being so very careful with him last night, he truly doubts that they’re recent. 

“But, you told me not to,” Jeongguk replies. 

Jimin squeezes his hand and then rolls Jeongguk onto his back to clamber into his lap, as sleepy as he may be. The sun covers them in light and warmth, the blanket no match for the energy being pushed and pulled between them. Taking Jeongguk’s other hand into his, he presses their arms gently against the bed and noses against his cheek. “Shh, Gguk-ah. It’s fine, okay? I promise. I would tell you if I was mad.” 

He leaves a light kiss on the corner of Jeongguk’s mouth. 

“Okay,” says Jeongguk, still looking upset with himself. 

Jimin nudges his jaw with his forehead. “C’mon. Give me a kiss, yeah?” Pursing his lips with his silver hair falling all over his eyes, he gets Jeongguk to laugh. “And then you can make me breakfast,” he tacks on, just for the giggles that accompany. 

Jeongguk pecks him before he lets go of his hands just to grip his waist, thumbs pushing into Jimin’s hip bones but avoiding the bruises there. “Oh my god,” he laughs fondly. “You’re too much.” 

Jimin just shrugs playfully, stretching his arms over his head which flexes the muscles lining his abdomen. He watches Jeongguk lick his lips. “You’re gonna do it though,” Jimin teases. 

Jeongguk rolls his eyes, but he reaches a hand up to Jimin’s head to thread his fingers in his silvery hair and pull him down for a kiss. “Yeah,” Jeongguk agrees. “I am.” He pauses for a moment, just blinking in the morning light as he stares up at Jimin. Shadows cast all over his face. He’s so gorgeous that Jimin feels like he might lose his breath without moving an inch. “You’re still just as beautiful today, by the way.” 

☾ ☾ ☾

mood: daydreaming – milky chance, tash sultana 

When things become too much, he goes to Namjoon. Although, it’s Wednesday, and he’d be coming to Namjoon anyway. They’re at their usual spot, tucked comfortably into their usual seats, drinking their usual drinks. It’s only a little bit different, because this time, when Jimin sees Namjoon flip through his notebook just like he always does, he catches glimpses of sketches and words from the era before this. When he catches sight of mono., he can’t help but think of Jeongguk. 

He skims through his own pages, and he notices how much fuller his notebook is than it was a few months ago. He hasn’t tried to read anything back yet. He’s not ready for that, but he’s also not so sure he needs to. It might just make him doubt himself more, and that definitely won’t help him organize his headspace. Right now, he’s hoping for sure footing and a place to rest. Something to stop his heart from being overactive in his chest. 

Namjoon breaks the quiet that had settled over them after getting their drinks, flashing him an easy smile punctuated with two dimples, one for each cheek acting like periods, turning every sentence Namjoon says into fact. “Your hair looks good,” he says warmly. 

If Jimin had any doubt before, just like that, it’s gospel. 

“Mm, you think?” Jimin murmurs, running his hand through it. “I’m liking it. It feels good.” 

“Yeah,” Namjoon replies. “You always looked good with cool tones.” 

Jimin cocks his head, thinking of all of the pictures he’d swiped through with Jeongguk pressed into his side the other night and the myriad of colors that had once graced his head. “Really? Taehyung says he misses the pink.” 

Namjoon shrugs. “He’s flashier than me.” 

Namjoon actually looks flashier than usual today, in cream plaid pants with a peach colored accent and a shirt tucked into his waistband. 

“But what about me?” Jimin wonders, carding through his hair again. “Isn’t this about my hair?” 

Namjoon fails to stifle a smirk. “Well, Jeongguk said he likes it.”

“Ha,” Jimin exhales, no match against the blush that appears on his cheeks. “Did he?” He rubs a nervous hand on the back of his neck. “Yeah, he seemed to like it.” 

Namjoon smiles into his coffee cup, and when he sets it down, the porcelain clinking against its accompanying plate, he asks, “How are you guys?” 

“Me and Jeongguk?” Jimin blurts, as if it could be about anyone else. 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh,” Jimim mumbles casually. “I don’t know. We’re fine, I guess.” He pauses. “We’re good.” 

Namjoon looks at him like he was expecting more, face unimpressed. Because he’s Namjoon, he doesn’t pry, but he does press. “That’s good. You seem happier.” 

Jimin gives in. There’s no point in trying not to open up. It’s half the reason he was so excited to see Namjoon today. If he’s not going to talk about all of this to Jeongguk, he knows he needs to talk about it to someone , and when it comes to matters of the heart, Namjoon will probably always be his first choice. 

“I am,” he says. “I am happier. I mean… it’s nice not to be fighting anymore, y’know? But I…” 

He trails off, and Namjoon cocks his head. “Hm?” he hums, egging Jimin on gently. 

Jimin sighs. “I don’t know how long I can keep doing what we’re doing without talking to him.” 

Namjoon bites his lip to stop his grin. “So you still like him?”

Jimin gives him a stale look. “I never stopped. I thought that was obvious.”

Namjoon chuckles and takes another sip of his coffee. “Well, yeah. But I’m not gonna go and assume your feelings.” 

Jimin pulls another face, rolling his eyes. 

“Anyway,” Namjoon continues, tapping his pen on the table. “What are you waiting for? Just talk to him.” 

“How?” Jimin whines, crossing his arms over his chest. “We don’t talk about anything.” 

Namjoon’s face grows a little disappointed, like he’s saddened that Jimin would think of his relationship with Jeongguk as so superficial. “That’s not true. You can’t be in love with someone you don’t talk to,” Namjoon argues. 

Jimin’s expression sours. Even though he uses that word in his head, it feels odd to hear someone else say it. It makes him realize how plainly and clearly it must be written on his face. He’s in love with Jeongguk. Of course he is. It’s been a long time coming – no wonder Namjoon can see it in his eyes. 

He protests it anyway, though failingly. “I never said that I’m in–”

Namjoon cuts him off by lifting one finger. “My word choice is incidental. My point is, you wouldn’t want to be with someone who you feel like you don’t know. Just because you don’t talk about your feelings toward each other, doesn’t mean you don’t talk about your feelings about other things. It’s the same premise. Sharing feelings isn’t just a matter of romantic ones.” 

Jimin bites the inside of his cheek, not so certain that he agrees, even though he wants to. Maybe he’s just not letting himself. That wouldn’t be so out of the ordinary. “Don’t you think that’s a little reductive? Or at least a little too easy? I mean… there’s so much less risk in talking about other things.” 

Namjoon cocks an eyebrow, and then looks down at one of the pages of his notebook, clearly taken by Jimin’s assertion. “Is there?” Namjoon wonders aloud. “I don’t know. I think the way you communicate about other things can matter so much more. If you love someo– I mean, if there’s someone in your life who you care about deeply, you want to be able to understand them. To listen to them and their feelings. If you can’t do that, or if you don’t do that, or if you take the leap to reveal an aspect of yourself and the other person doesn’t like it, isn’t that the scary part? Confessions are just the affirmation… Usually, or at least I think so, it’s already decided inside of your head. Right?” 

Jimin stays silent, Namjoon’s words a little bit too much to bear. He’s probably right. But there’s a part of Jimin that’s still hesitant to admit that, because he’s holding on to the past so tightly. He can’t move forward with the idea that Jeongguk likes him while continuing not to know why he denied Jimin in the first place. 

“Look,” Namjoon continues, studying the worry lines that have appeared on Jimin’s forehead. “What I’m trying to say is that you know you like Jeongguk whether or not he likes you back, and the reason why you can be sure of that is because you already know him well enough to feel that way. Being vulnerable and sharing parts of yourself, even the ugly parts, all while knowing that someone might like you less because of them – that’s the terrifying part. The thrill of love, maybe?” He chuckles, then reaches across the table to pry Jimin’s arms apart from across his chest and squeezes one of his hands. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t talk about your feelings for each other, because you should. And you deserve closure, because I know Jeongguk has hurt you. All I’m saying, Jimin-ah, is maybe you should be a little less worried about how it’s all going to turn out.” 

He flashes a kind, warm, striking smile, and he squeezes Jimin’s hand again. “You’ve made it this far.” 

Namjoon lets Jimin sit with his words, and Jimin’s mind does a good job of drowning out the sounds of the café in exchange for his thoughts. Looking down at the hands that Jeongguk has begun to hold so often now, Jimin rewinds time and realizes just how much ugliness he’s shown Jeongguk. He’s given him the bitter side. The angry side. The petty, frustrated side whose patience runs so thin. The side of him who’s afraid to have the things he wants for fear that he might not do them justice, or that they might leave. The side of him that’s terrified of breaking something down into so many little pieces that he’ll turn it unloveable. 

Jeongguk has seen all of that. Yet, he still comes to Jimin. Has always come to Jimin. He still crawls into Jimin’s bed, or, lately, drags Jimin to his own. He still kisses Jimin. He asks how Jimin’s day was, sometimes with drawn out words or quick lipsed ones. Other times he asks with just a look. Jeongguk has seen so much, and Jimin hadn’t even realized how much he’s shown him until now. 

“It’ll be okay, Jimin-ah,” Namjoon murmurs eventually, making Jimin realize how long he’s been staring at his hands in his lap with stinging eyes. 

He snaps his head up. “No, you’re right.” He takes a deep breath. “Um, thank you, Namjoon-hyung.” 

Namjoon smiles at him easily, sunlight filtering through parting clouds. “Of course.” 

Jimin doesn’t think he can elaborate on his feelings right now, he only accepts them at face value. But he doesn’t think that Namjoon is expecting him to, so Jimin takes the go-ahead to change the subject. Drumming his fingernails on the table excitedly, he shifts forward in his seat to chirp, “So, when are you gonna confess to Yoongi? Gguk says you two are always together. Gonna take your own advice?” 

Namjoon gives him a dirty look. “Don’t act like our situations are the same. Me and Yoongi-hyung have been friends for years and haven’t had the months of continuous sexual activity to really solidify that… sense of intimacy between us that you and Jeongguk have.” 

Jimin clicks his tongue. “You don’t need to fuck to be intimate.”

Namjoon stares at him blankly, so Jimin starts whining and chattering. “Come on, just get him in the studio, show him some of the lyrics you have about him, and then, I don’t know, bend him over the couch or something.” 

“Jeez, Jimin-ah,” breathes Namjoon.

Proudly, Jimin sticks out his chin. “Am I wrong?” 

“I thought you just said you don’t need to fuck to be intimate.” 

Jimin wrinkles his brow, thinking on it. “Well, you don’t. It’s fun, though.” 

Namjoon shakes his head at him. “You’re too much.”

Jimin winks. 

“Anyway,” Namjoon grits firmly. “It’s not that simple. We’re partners. I don’t want to make it weird.” 

Jimin just shrugs, waves a hand around. “It’s not weird to like someone you admire, hyung.”

For a split second, Namjoon looks like he’s slapped in the face with some of his own advice. “I guess not. I just don’t want anything I say or do to get in the way.” 

Jimin laughs, propping his chin on his hand. “Isn’t that what love does, though? It gets in the way. Not for better or for worse, but, there it is.” He chuckles again. “Anyway, hyung, you still haven’t let me meet him, so I can’t even say if he’s good for you or not.” 

Namjoon looks at him deviously, teasing. He sticks out his tongue. “Ask Jeongguk to introduce you.” 

“Why would I do that if I have you?” Jimin exclaims preposterously. 

Namjoon shrugs his shoulders, feigning coy. “I’m just saying if you’re that desperate to meet him, you have options.”

“Well, all I’m saying is that when you and him are together and happily in love, I have full rights to say I told you so.”

Namjoon stares him down before looking away, coughing under his breath, “Yeah, well… I could say the same for you and Jeonggukie.” 

Jimin scowls.

Namjoon scowls.

And they both burst out into the chime of a joint laughter. 

☾ ☾ ☾

mood: butterfly (prologue edition) – bts 

Jimin is still in his dance clothes when there’s a knock on his bedroom door. He’s been pouring over a notebook for the past hour trying to desperately turn the choreography he’d practiced today into something worth repeating, but it doesn’t take much more than an interruption to get him to give up for the evening. Nothing good has been coming to him anyway. 

“Come in,” he murmurs, pushing his hood down from his head and trying to fix his unparted, messy silver hair that’s falling flat on his forehead. 

Jeongguk enters not a second later, but Jimin knew it was him. Taehyung never knocks, and Jeongguk has yet to realize that he no longer needs to. There’s almost nothing that would make Jimin turn him away. Jimin flashes a smile despite the frustration that’s been wracking his brain from work, but the one Jeongguk gives him in return is weak. 

Jimin studies him a little closer, and he notices that Jeongguk’s stature is smaller than usual. His smile has fallen already, and his mouth sits in a straight line. His eyebrows are coming together in the middle of his forehead, and Jimin realizes that he’s nervous. He’s tense and tight, and Jimin almost failed to recognize it because he hasn’t been this way in front of Jimin in so long. His hands are tucked into the big pocket at the front of the hoodie he’s wearing, but through the fabric Jimin can still see the way they’re fiddling. He’s probably pulling on his fingers or cracking his knuckles. 

“Hi, Gguk,” Jimin says softly. 

Jeongguk’s head cocks as they make eye contact, his soft hair swishing in front of his eyes. “You okay, hyung? You look upset.” 

Jimin had almost forgotten that he was in an uptight mood, because it had disappeared with concern as soon as he saw the look on Jeongguk’s face. “I’m fine,” Jimin murmurs warmly, “just frustrated. But I could say the same for you. What’s up?” 

Jeongguk shakes his head, looking away. He mumbles his words. “Don’t worry about me. I’m just a little anxious, not upset.” 

“How come?” Jimin asks as he stands. He holds a hand out. “And come here, you’re too far away. I haven’t seen you all day.” 

That gets Jeongguk to smile, and even if it’s not as wide as usual one and his pretty dimples don’t form in his cheeks, it’s enough for Jimin. Jeongguk pads over to him by the desk chair, and Jimin wraps his outstretched arm around Jeongguk immediately, pulling him into a tight hug. Jeongguk wriggles his hands from his sweatshirt pocket and throws his arms over Jimin’s shoulders, and Jimin speaks into his neck. 

“Why are you anxious?” Jimin asks again, stroking Jeongguk’s back soothingly. 

“Why are you upset?” Jeongguk counters. His hands have come up to card through Jimin’s hair, and though he says cheeky words like he normally would, his tone doesn’t match. 

“Ah, just unhappy with my work, y’know? It’s not turning out the way I want it to.”

Jeongguk hums by Jimin’s ear soothingly, his lips brushing the shell of it. “I’m sure it’s great, hyung,” he says as he steps back from the hug. “I’m sorry you’re feeling frustrated though.” His eyes dart all over the place, and as soon as his body is not pressed against Jimin’s anymore, his hands disappear into his pocket again. 

“Jeongguk-ah…” Jimin says slowly, worriedly. Jeongguk looks like he’s about to jump out of his own skin. Jimin feels like Jeongguk’s anxiety is being transferred over to him, and forms a knot in his stomach. “You’re making me nervous. What’s wrong?” 

Jeongguk’s eyes fixate on something behind Jimin. “Seriously, it’s nothing,” he chuckles. “I just work myself up sometimes.” 

Jimin waits for their gazes to lock again, keeping his tone lighthearted when he says, “I know.” 

There’s a heavy pause, filled by the faint sound of Jeongguk’s hands turning over in his pocket. Eventually, he sucks in a hard breath and says, “I um. I have something for you.” 

Jimin raises his eyebrows. He can’t say that he saw that coming. “For me?” 

Jeongguk nods, looking down. “Yeah, um…” He fiddles in his pocket for a moment longer, and then one of his big hands emerges, pulling out a simple black flashdrive. There’s a jaggedly ripped piece of tape plastered onto it, marked by Jeongguk’s block-letter scrawl. It reads BUTTERFLY. He bites at his bottom lip and sucks it into his mouth before speaking again. “It’s a song. I, uh. I made this for you – not alone! My hyungs helped me, but I thought, well, if you need something new to dance to, you could try this? If you want… I don’t know, maybe it was a bad idea, but. Yeah. Here.” 

He frees his other hand to rub the back of his head nervously and then reaches for Jimin, who has frozen in place. Delicately, he grabs Jimin’s wrist and places the flash drive in the center of his palm before using both of his hands to curl Jimin’s fingers into a closed fist. He rests his hands on top of Jimin’s small one for an instant, squeezing tight, then dropping it back to Jimin’s side. 

Jimin doesn’t react. He simply clenches his fingers around the flash drive, warm from how much Jeongguk was playing with it in his pocket, and stares. His mind is inundated with questions, all of them about what this means, how the song sounds, why Jeongguk is doing this, and he can’t figure out where to start. It takes about thirty seconds of Jeongguk’s worried eyes watching Jimin and waiting for a reaction until Jimin bursts promptly into tears.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen with anxiety as soon as he sees Jimin start to cry, but he makes no effort to reach out and touch him, seemingly frozen too. Jimin tries to keep his composure; if he let everything spill out right now he’d be a sobbing mess. He’d collapse to the ground, if he let everything hit him at once. Instead of his chest wracking and sounds slipping past his lips, silent tears stream down his face and cling to his jaw before plopping to his shirt. He doesn’t want to be crying, but it feels out of his hands. It feels like the weather – the storm is here before he even knew it was coming. 

The emotions that have been sitting, growing, building, and blooming in his chest seem to escape him little by little, drop by drop. 

“Jeongguk-ah,” he finally chokes out, voice tight. “What? What is this? Why did you do this?” 

This, the tiny flash drive with a song probably no longer than five minutes, means so much more. It’s more than all of the begrudging gestures, the laundry, the lunches. It’s more than the surface sweet words, more than being called beautiful. It’s more than every touch and every fuck. For whatever reason, this, the song in his hand, crosses the line. Jeongguk crafted this during a time when he was struggling to craft anything at all. He poured his time and effort into his work for Jimin. 

It’s more than any other thing Jeongguk could do for him, and it leaves Jimin needing to know the reason. It’s the only question that feels right to ask. He can’t stand not asking anymore – and not just about this. About everything. 

Jeongguk’s eyes seem to grow even more worried, widening again from how they’d relaxed slightly, his eyebrows knitting. “What– what do you mean?” 

Jimin’s bottom lip wobbles, a sob threatening to push past his lips. His defenses, perfectly trained to protect his heart, go up without him asking. His words come out of his mouth as if he’s not in control of them, and he speaks like he and Jeongguk have gone suddenly back in time, saying things that he knows are no longer true. It hurts Jeongguk, and he regrets them as soon as they’re past his lips. 

“It’s just– you were supposed to hate me. You used to–” 

Jeongguk, wrapped up in his perpetual anxiety, starts crying, too. He rubs at his eyes furiously as if that can stop them from leaking, clearly out of his depth when it comes to handling the things that Jimin is throwing at him. Here he was, trying to bare his heart to Jimin, and Jimin’s twisting it on the spot. 

“You really… you really still think that?” Jeongguk whispers. “That I hated you? I haven’t left you in weeks.” 

Jimin bites his lip, thumbing away some of the wetness that’s clinging to his chin. “I know, but, really never? You never hated me?” 

Jeongguk shakes his head vehemently, stepping forward like he wants to reach out and pull Jimin into his chest. “Hyung,” he breathes, “not even for a second.” 

“What?” Jimin exhales, voice disbelieving. The room feels like it’s spinning around him, like the Earth’s axis has shifted another few degrees on its tilt and Jimin should be falling to the floor. “You’re saying, all this time… we could have–”

“Fuck!” Jeongguk exclaims in a harsh whisper, bringing a hand to his hair. He calms his voice. “Fuck. Can we just? Go somewhere, y’know, go somewhere to talk?” He looks around Jimin’s bedroom and almost seems to wince. “I can’t do it here.” 

Jimin sees his own bed out of the corner of his eye, and immediately he agrees. This room has too many stories in it that would talk over whatever the two of them are going to try to say. “Yeah. That’s a good idea.” He looks from his feet back to Jeongguk, and very quietly, he asks, “Have you been to the roof yet? It’s nice.” 

Sniffling, Jeongguk shakes his head. 

Jimin tries to compose himself a little further, straightening his shoulders and smoothing out the velvet of his sweatshirt. “C’mon. Let’s go.” He hesitates, but he realizes that this isn’t the moment for that. Neither of them can hold back, or they’re never going to get anywhere. Tucking the flash drive into his pocket, he holds out his palm for Jeongguk to take. He watches Jeongguk’s hand drift closer to his, the nervous little butterfly on his skin looking like it’s about to take off and fly away. They tangle their fingers, and in silence they go to the roof. 

A tension looms over them as they walk quietly up the five flights of stairs, sniffles echoing throughout the shaft of the stairwell. Neither of them are crying anymore, at the very least. On top of their building, they separate their hands to sit. Their legs sprawl out before them, and the only parts of their bodies that touch are their ankles. Above them is a moon just shy of full, and below them is Yeonnam, their lively neighborhood producing enough sound that the silence isn’t as unbearable as it probably would have been inside. The tension between them is thicker and more tense than it has been in weeks. 

Jimin speaks up eventually, knowing that the longer they take to break the ice again the thicker its surface will become. “Jeongguk-ah,” he murmurs nervously, “can I be frank? I don’t know how else to do this.” 

Jeongguk’s eyes flash toward Jimin’s face and then dart away again. “Yeah, um. Go ahead.” 

Jimin inhales. This is the precipice, and no matter how many times he’s thought about what it will be like to dive head first off of the edge, it never becomes any easier. It’s cliché, but the only thought that runs through his mind is, here goes nothing. For the first time in his life, he’s choosing to take his whole heart and give it away, only with hopes that it might come back to him safely. On his exhale, words drawn out as if saying them carefully will somehow affect Jeongguk’s response, he says, “The night we met… you had fun, right?” 

Jeongguk turns to him hurriedly, as wide-eyed as ever, nodding ardently. “Hyung–”

Jimin cuts him off with a hand to the knee, already somewhat consoled by Jeongguk’s reaction but wanting to finish his question. Jeongguk snatches up his palm immediately, not tangling their fingers but simply leaving his hand resting on top of Jimin’s. Jimin glances down at Jeongguk’s inked knuckles, and then he asks, “If that’s true, why didn’t you text me back?”

To say it out loud sounds so stupid. It makes him feel young and naive. The question almost seems trivial, like a petty problem that should dull next to all of the emotions he and Jeongguk have shared together. But it’s the starting point. And no matter how ridiculous the words sound leaving his mouth, he knows that this is where this conversation has to begin. 

Jeongguk chews the inside of his cheek, and looking at Jimin with shiny, red-rimmed eyes, he squeezes Jimin’s hand. “Will you be patient with me?” he asks. “I’m not very good with words.” 

Jimin gives him a gentle smile, and regardless of all of the turmoil churning inside of him, it’s not forced. Jeongguk can have everything from him, even if it’s the smallest of smiles when his mouth feels set in a firm line. 

Jeongguk takes a deep breath, and his free hand starts twisting the fabric of his pants. “When I didn’t text you back… it was on purpose. It’s not because I didn’t like you, so please don’t think that. I think I liked you so much that it scared me.” 

Jimin’s face erupts into a grin, because he felt almost exactly the same way. But he watches Jeongguk’s expression twitch with a smile, and then it falls again, almost like he feels that he’s not supposed to be happy at this moment.

 Jimin interrupts him. 

“Gguk-ah?” murmurs Jimin. Jeongguk lifts his gaze to Jimin from where his eyes were trained on the street below their building, filled with people walking around, couples on dates and groups of boys messing around. “I don’t mean to cut you off so suddenly, but before you keep going, I want you to know that I almost didn’t text you, either. I was afraid of how much I liked you, too.” He pauses, now feeling a little awkward. “I just… wanted to say that, so maybe you’ll feel a little better.” 

Jeongguk’s lips quirk up. “Thank you,” he whispers. He clears his throat, and continues. This time when he speaks, he looks at Jimin. “When I got your texts, they made me so happy. But I was scared. I was dealing with so much, between Yoongi telling me I needed to figure out where I was going to live, to, to, struggling with art and my major, and thinking about meeting new people. My head was kind of a mess. I don’t know how else to put it. I liked you so much when I met you, but I guess being drunk and then thinking about you so much the next day, I’d convinced myself that I’d made it up in my head?” 

He shakes his head, pinching his thigh. Jimin fits their palms together so he can squeeze Jeongguk’s hand. “No, that sounds wrong. I didn’t doubt you and how amazing you were. It was a me thing. Like, you were so gorgeous, and confident, and so easy to be around. I know I already said it, but I just felt scared of how much I liked you, that I couldn’t confront it? Because I was so comfortable around you that night, and I’m not– I’m not a comfortable person, y’know?” 

He swallows heavily, and Jimin simply continues to listen. He can tell that Jeongguk isn’t done yet, but he knows that no comforting words will help him through his explanation. Jimin just sits and waits, holding his hand and hoping his eyes are gentle enough that Jeongguk feels okay to keep going. 

After a momentary pause, Jeongguk continues. “I didn’t feel confident enough to answer you, because I thought, what if you don’t like me the next day? Or what if you don’t like the other parts of me? And I know. I know that that’s not for me to decide, and that’s why I felt so guilty about it all. But I was already so anxious about so many other things.” Jeongguk begins to frown, eyes looking watery again as he stumbles through his emotions. “Like, I thought, maybe if we’d met at a different time, I wouldn’t have reacted that way. But I did, and I’m sorry… because it made such a mess. I also didn’t think I’d see you again, so when I did, I didn’t know what to do with myself.” 

mood: repeat – young the giant 

Jimin takes a deep breath. His heart is rapidfire in his chest, but he wants to hear everything before reacting. His mind works a little bit faster than he can manage, but he refuses to jump to conclusions, and so far, he thinks he understands where Jeongguk is coming from. Any anger he wants to hold onto, he forces himself to let go of. He’s really not mad, he just wants to work things out naturally with everything on the table, and more importantly, he wants to let Jeongguk talk. 

“Okay,” Jimin says gently. He tries to frame his question as compassionately as he can, but there’s no real way to put it other than bluntly. “So did you think that ignoring me would be better than turning me down?” 

Jeongguk chuckles awkwardly, sparing Jimin a smile and letting his thumb run back and forth on Jimin’s. “It’s stupid,” he mumbles. “I was so anxious. I knew that I couldn’t handle a relationship at the time, but I also wanted it. So I thought… if I don’t say no, maybe I’ll have a chance in the future?” He hands his head, twisting at his shirt. “It’s dumb. God.” 

“Hey,” Jimin says, giving him a stern look. Maybe Jeongguk thinks that Jimin won’t forgive him, even though so far, after hearing this, Jimin knows that he’s almost equally at fault for the mess they’ve made. “Stop beating yourself up, okay? We’re just talking.” He shifts their clasped palms to lace their fingers again, the pulses in their wrists resting against each other. “I’m not… going anywhere. We’re really just talking. I don’t think there’s a lot you could say to me right now to make me want you any less, okay? We still have a lot to talk about, but you’ve got me.” 

Jeongguk squeezes his eyes shut and shifts his body so that when he reopens them, he’s facing Jimin directly. Another bout of tears inch their way out of his eyes. “You still want me?” he asks quietly. “Even though…” 

He’s achingly vulnerable, and Jimin is so enraptured by him he can hardly believe it. There’s so much to Jeongguk, from the one sitting with his bleeding heart right in front of Jimin, to the same one who will crack his mischievous jokes and throw Jimin over his shoulder to carry him down the hallway. 

Jimin can’t imagine not wanting him. 

“Of course I still want you,” Jimin utters. “And of course I’m a little mad, but… I spent so much time mad at you before, without even knowing the full story. I don’t want to do that again. It took so much energy.” 

Jeongguk looks at Jimin with clear eyes, and when he speaks, Jimin is sure that he’s never, ever known anyone quite like him. “You can push me away.”

It’s obvious that Jeongguk doesn’t want that, yet he said it anyway. He’d give up this thing they’ve built if that was what it took for Jimin to forgive him. But Jimin doesn’t want that at all. All he wants is more. 

He shakes his head lightly. “No, I did that for so long already. If I was going to push you away, I’d still be doing it.” He lets a soft smile dance on his lips. “Now I just need to figure out how to… bring you closer.” 

“Okay,” Jeongguk says. “Okay.” He allows a laugh to spill past his mouth, but nothing’s funny. It’s the laughter of relief. Jimin knows he’s happy. Jeongguk comes a little closer, folding his legs beneath him and holding their tangled fingers with his other hand, so he can touch Jimin with as many points of contact that his palms can manage. “Is it the wrong time to ask to kiss you?” he asks shyly.

Jimin laughs, high and sweet, as endeared as ever. “No, it’s not a bad time. We can take a break.” 

He puts a hand on the side of Jeongguk’s neck, and beneath his palm and the warmth of Jeongguk’s skin, he can feel just how fast Jeongguk’s heartbeat is going as his pulse races in his veins. Jimin leans in to kiss him slowly, moving their lips easily together, wanting Jeongguk to relax. He lets it go on for a short while, feeling Jeongguk’s grip clinging to his hands between their laps and the quiet little gasps he lets out against Jimin’s lips. 

When they pull back, Jimin’s mind still swims with what feels like endless questions, butterflies still dance in his stomach like they always do after they kiss. He opens his eyes, and Jeongguk is finally smiling again. 

As he thinks of how to begin their conversation once more, his mind wanders to what Namjoon told him the other day over coffee. 

“Gguk,” says Jimin as he lowers his hand from Jeongguk’s neck. “I’m gonna ask you more questions, but first I want to tell you something.”

Jeongguk nods, giving him the go ahead. 

“Namjoon-hyung said something to me the other day that made me feel better. I think it might help you relax right now.” 

Eyebrows shooting up, Jeongguk blurts, “You talk to hyung about me?” 

Jimin grins fondly. “All the time.”

“I talk to him, too,” mumbles Jeongguk. 

Jimin giggles. “I know, Jeongguk-ah. Thank god for him, right?” 

Jeongguk manages to chuckle, and he finally lets go of Jimin’s hand to rub at his eyes. “Seriously. What did he say?” 

Jimin looks up above him at the cloudy night sky, the moon, and the few faint stars. Then he turns back to Jeongguk to speak. “He reminded me that no matter how much we haven’t told each other yet, even if we still haven’t talked about our feelings, there’s still so much that we have shared.” He smiles warmly, bracing himself to let loose in a way he usually isn’t. “And it reminded me that I trust you. I know you, and you know me. We just, ah, how do I put this. We just had a different way of learning each other.” 

Jeongguk sniffles, finding Jimin’s hand again and holding it in his lap. “I trust you, too. You’re so patient with me.” 

Jimin snorts, chuckling, because he can’t help it. Jeongguk is too sweet for his own good. “ You’re the one who’s patient with me. I don’t know how you put up with me, looking back on it.” 

Jeongguk grows puzzled, stitching his dark eyebrows together. “What do you mean?” 

Jimin grins fondly. “I mean… when I look back on how much we fought when you first moved in, I was really, really mean to you. I never gave you the benefit of the doubt even once, and I think I misread you a lot. You didn’t deserve all of that.” 

Jeongguk shrugs, lips twitching into a little smirk. He’s so gorgeous even in the dim light coming from the city outside. “Yes and no. There were times when I snapped at you, too. I’m kind of competitive–” 

“I know,” Jimin says under his breath. 

“–so when you got angry at me, sometimes I got angry back. Sometimes I tried to be mean on purpose, because I didn’t know what to do with my feelings. I almost couldn’t help it. Other times, I just wanted you so badly that I didn’t know how to approach you, and there was a point where I really did think you hated me. I thought that sex was the only thing that was allowed, so I convinced myself that that was all.” 

Anxiety hits Jimin again, because no matter how much affirmation he’s had from Jeongguk so far, he still hasn’t heard the words straight from his mouth just yet. He hasn’t said how he feels now. 

“And it wasn’t?” Jimin says hesitantly, pushing back his hair to have something to do with his hands. 

“Hasn’t been for a while,” Jeongguk exhales nervously. 

Jimin squeezes his hand, gives him a shy smile. “For me, either.” He pauses and begins to grind his teeth, teetering on the edge of asking his next question because of how uncomfortable it will be to bring it up. It’s one of those unspoken things, something they’ve never dared to breach since it happened. He takes another deep breath, and promptly stumbles over his words. 

“Jeongguk-ah, um. Can I ask– what was the reason– um. In the bathroom that one time–” 

Jeongguk winces visibly. “Yes, of course. I– fuck, that was so bad, wasn’t it? I was really, really afraid to have you touch me. I had gotten so caught up in the moment, and then I realized how selfish I was being. I just panicked. I don’t know if I can explain it any better than that. It wasn’t because I didn’t want you. It’s never been that.” 

Jimin tries to keep his face expressionless, but he knows he looks a little bit pained. “Okay. God, this is so much.” 

“I know,” Jeongguk agrees. His grip has gone a bit too tight on Jimin’s hand. For someone who tends to be a little bit anxious most of the time, Jimin has never seen Jeongguk quite like this. “Can I try to explain myself one more time?” he asks. “I feel like I… didn’t do a good enough job. Of, um, saying how I feel about you.” 

“Of course,” Jimin manages to say, his breath catching. 

He watches as Jeongguk mentally prepares – he can see it on his face, in the way he twists his body to be right in front of Jimin, how he closes his eyes for a long moment and then opens them again. As soon as he starts to speak, he looks like he hates the words that come out of his mouth, but as persistent as ever, he continues. 

“There are so many parts of me, and you saw the confident side of me before you saw the nervous side. For me, that was sort of terrifying, because I thought, how could you possibly work backwards from there? It’s not that I’m not confident, because I am. But I’m also introverted, and I worry a lot, and it takes me a long time to open up to people. Even when I’m close with people, I still get anxious. I know you better now, so I think you understand that. I know you know what it’s like to doubt yourself, or to be… nervous to share things with people, even your best friends. But I had no idea then that you would understand me like you do now. And that just makes me even more regretful, because I feel like I pushed you away at a time where we could have helped each other a lot. 

“And since we’ve gotten closer, I feel so much better. Jimin-hyung, I don’t even know how to explain how I feel. I said before that I’m not very good with words, but despite all of the times we’ve misunderstood each other, when we get past all that, I still feel like no one has accepted my feelings as easily as you do. And… ” Jimin watches Jeongguk swallow, and then he feels a tight grip on his hand. “I love you for it. I really think I love you.” 

Jimin’s entire rib cage fills with butterflies, and after so long of being underwater, it feels like he can breathe again. Unsure of what to do with his body, he just leans closer so all they can see is each other. “Jeongguk-ah,” Jimin chokes out, throat tight again. “I love you.” His voice cracks on the words. “Fuck, I’m gonna cry again.” 

Jeongguk sends him a watery smile, and they lose themselves inside a little forever that’s probably only a few seconds long. They stare, and blink back tears, and Jimin asks himself why there are more stars in Jeongguk’s eyes than there are in the Seoul night sky. 

Eventually, Jimin has to say something, because he’s sure that Jeongguk is waiting for him to. “Is it naive to just wanna move forward?” Jimin asks with a cocked head. He pushes his forehead into Jeongguk’s and lingers there. “You said everything, and I believe you, and I trust you and– that’s it.” 

Jeongguk laughs, tilting his face so their noses brush. “That’s it,” he echoes. “I love being able to let things be simple. I know we’re anything but simple, but talking about all of this kind of makes it feel like we are.” 

Jeongguk pulls back to look at Jimin fondly, and he ghosts his lips against Jimin’s cheek in the softest kiss. Watching Jeongguk sitting there, knowing that his heartbeat is probably still coming down, Jimin thinks he’s still so beautiful in spite of his messy hair and red eyes. But he knows he can’t leave it like this. He owes Jeongguk so much more. 

“To think, I was so scared to talk to you,” he starts, catching Jeongguk’s attention. “Jeongguk-ah, I want to apologize to you, too. I’m really sorry that I didn’t give you a second chance from the beginning. I immediately assumed that you were out to get me, and I spent a lot of time selling you short, and then pushing you away. No matter how upset you made me, you didn’t deserve that. And I… I know I could have come to you sooner. I’m really, really happy that I have you. You make me better.” 

Jeongguk starts to cry again, collapsing his face into Jimin’s shoulder. Jimin lifts his chin immediately, taking his cheeks between both hands and wiping the tears away. “We’re really a mess, hmm?” he jokes, warm and probably more in love than he’d ever thought he’d be. 

“At least we’re consistent,” Jeongguk quips, laughing through his tears. 

“True. Our speciality,” giggles Jimin, still holding Jeongguk’s face, looking at him. He ducks his head when it gets too much, mumbling, “Ah, this is weird.” 

Jeongguk pouts. “What is?” 

“I don’t know,” Jimin says, trying to make his voice as consoling as possible while still being honest. “Just being with you and not having to worry about anything at all. It’s nice.” 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk breathes. 

He tugs on Jimin’s hand and then they both lay back against the hard surface of the rooftop, looking at their incomplete moon and the grey clouds that move quickly overhead. Their bodies are much closer than they were when they arrived, hands clasped between them, biceps pressed together. 

“Will you tell me about your song?” Jimin asks. 

Jeongguk shakes his head cutely. “No, you have to listen to it.” 

“Did you write it?” 

“With help,” Jeongguk mumbles. 

“Can we listen to it together?” Jimin asks excitedly. 

Jeongguk whines, throwing an arm over his eyes. “Do you want me to die from embarrassment?” 

Jimin frowns, even though Jeongguk can’t see. “Why would you be embarrassed? You wouldn’t give it to me if you weren’t proud of it.” 

Jeongguk huffs, removing his arm and peering shyly to the side to look at Jimin. “I know, but still. It’s like a confession,” he whispers.

Jimin bursts into a grin, letting go of Jeongguk’s hand to lean over him instead. He drops his voice. “Then you really have no reason to worry,” murmurs Jimin, hovering his mouth over Jeongguk’s so their lips brush, “because you already did that.” 

Jeongguk brings a hand to the back of Jimin’s hand to pull him into the kiss, and even after they move back he keeps Jimin close to murmur, “Hmm, I guess you’re right. I love you, Jimin-ah.” 

Jimin gets butterflies again, but he lifts his body up to slap Jeongguk’s chest. “Yah, you brat! Getting cheeky with me? Already speaking informally? I can’t believe you.” 

Jeongguk props himself up on his forearms with a confident smirk. He licks his lips. “You like it, I can tell.” 

Jimin drags a hand over his face. This kid. “If Taehyung finds out then I’ll never hear the end of it.” 

Jeongguk shrugs. “Then I’ll just do it around you.” He pinches Jimin’s side. “And say it back, would you?” 

Jimin rolls his eyes so, so fondly. “You’re really something, huh?” It’s the perfect moment under the moon, reminding Jimin that none of the important things have changed. He sits up further to plant a wet kiss against Jeongguk’s lips. “I love you, too.” 

There comes Jeongguk’s killer smile again, even brighter than usual. 

“Should we go somewhere to get food?” Jimin asks, leaning into Jeongguk’s side now that they’re both upright. He rests his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“What about the moon?” Jeongguk says, still smiling. He stares up at it, its glow bathing the two of them in pretty light, competing against the fluorescence of Seoul and winning by a landslide. 

“Yeah,” replies Jimin easily. “I think I’d go to the moon with you.” 

☾ ☾ ☾

mood: army of one / x marks the spot – coldplay

They don’t end up going anywhere. Instead, they retreat back into their blissfully empty apartment and order take out, enjoying each other’s company without reservations. Only after they’re full and sated do they wander into Jeongguk’s room, and after much begging does Jeongguk agree to show Jimin his song in his company. 

Jeongguk sits in front of his computer to play the file of the track saved on his desktop, and Jimin perches himself on the desk, legs dangling off the edge and holding onto Jeongguk’s hand that’s not on top of the mouse. 

Jeongguk presses play on “Butterfly,” and they both look away from each other to simply listen. Jimin keeps his gaze focused on their clasped hands as the first few notes of the piano wash over him. Jeongguk's voice chimes in, telling him not to think of anything, not even a word. The song is a story about loving and losing. Jimin interprets it as their own, but he knows it’s much bigger than that. “Will you stay by my side?” Jeongguk sings in a sweet, honey voice. “Will you promise me? If I let go of your hand, you might fly away and break. I’m scared.” 

The rush of the violins and the soft piano leave Jimin with goosebumps, but doesn’t think about speaking or even moving as the song plays. He hardly wants to breathe. He lets himself smile when he hears the range of Jeongguk’s melodious voice, and it grows wider when he hears the voice of who assumes is Yoongi, then Hoseok’s, then Namjoon’s. Jeongguk was right, because it is like a confession – but it reaches far beyond just that. It’s a ballad for darlings and a symphony for anyone who has been afraid of losing their love. It’s the timeless encapsulation of the fear of ends, the fear of heartbreak, the fear of loss – and it manages to take something terrifying and make it gorgeous.

The song is beautiful, and other than the love Jimin has for Jeongguk, all he can think of is disbelief that Jeongguk had ever doubted himself. 

Even after the music ends, they sit in silence together, letting it settle. Jimin squeezes Jeongguk’s hand as he looks up. “You were gonna give this to me even before we talked?” he asks quietly. 

Jeongguk nods, looking shy. “I mean… it was how I was feeling, and I wanted you to know.” 

“It’s beautiful,” Jimin whispers. He’s thinking so much more than that, but he doesn’t have the words for it. For the first time, he can be sure that Jeongguk understands his silence fully. No questions asked. 

“You’ll dance to it?” Jeongguk asks timidly. 

Jimin swallows, staring into Jeongguk’s earnest, shiny eyes. “I’ll try,” he replies. “I want to try.” 

Jeongguk gives him an easy smile, saying I’m proud of you and I’ll be there to support you without saying anything at all. If there’s one thing that they’ve become good at in all this time, it’s speaking in hearts instead of words. Now, they’ve simply figured out how to do both. 

Jimin reaches for Jeongguk’s hand on the mouse and steers it to click the screen so the song loops again. This time, as they listen, Jimin makes sure to make eye contact, watching the way Jeongguk gets a little flustered at the sound of his own voice. Jimin doesn’t let him look away. 

When the song ends again, Jimin hops off the desk and pulls Jeongguk to his feet to wrap him in a tight hug. He hugs him because he can. Because Jeongguk loves him. Because of the strong arms that hold him tight. Because he doesn’t have to think about what it means. It’s just because he wants to, and they fit together. 

“Y’know,” Jeongguk murmurs by his ear, hands sneaking beneath Jimin’s shirt. “I’ve never seen you dance at all. Not for real anyway.” 

Jimin lets him go but leaves his hands to wander Jeongguk’s waist. “What, do you want a lap dance or something?” he asks lightly. 

Jeongguk grows bright red but keeps his composure. “I mean, I’m not gonna say no…” he mumbles. 

Jimin giggles in surprise, slipping a hand under Jeongguk’s sweatshirt to lay flat on his hard abs. “Yeah?” he says in a low voice. “Pick a song, handsome.” 

Jeongguk only grows more flustered as Jimin’s hands come to thumb along his hip bones and dip beneath the waistband of his sweats. “No, not now,” Jeongguk whines. “Shouldn’t our first time properly together be sort of, I don’t know, sort of romantic?” 

Jimin laughs again. Jeongguk is too cute. He keeps the bit up anyway. “Oh, Jeonggukie is assuming that he’d be able to fuck me after I dance for him? You can’t just fuck for free, y’know,” he tuts, waggling his finger. 

Jeongguk snatches his hand and shoves at him. “Shush, I was trying to be sweet, and you made it gross.” 

Jimin shrugs, walking Jeongguk backwards toward the bed until his legs hit the edge. He sits, and Jimin clambers on top of him. “We’re good at being gross,” he replies. He runs a hand down Jeongguk’s neck and looks at him with a heavy gaze. “I have a million nasty things I wanna try with you.” 

Jeongguk raises his eyebrows, hands finding their usual place on Jimin’s hips. “Oh? Like what?”

Jimin ducks his head to kiss down Jeongguk’s neck. “You’ll have to wait to find out. I thought we were being sweet tonight, right?”

Jeongguk groans. “You’re a tease.” 

Jimin lifts his gaze again to wink. “You made me this way, baby. I just know how much you like it.” 

“Jimin-ah,” Jeongguk whines, hiding his face in Jimin’s shoulder. 

Jimin blushes intensely. “Aish, I’m not used to that.” Jeongguk snickers and gets a look at him, but Jimin’s not going to just let him win. He pets Jeongguk’s cheek and holds his gaze. “I’m used to my good boy being so polite in bed.” 

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, and he smiles, still just a little bit mischievous. He definitely hasn’t fully given in. He’s having too much fun, and Jimin loves it. “I’ll do whatever you want, hyung,” says Jeongguk. 

Jimin hums. “There he is. How about this, Jeongguk-ah. I want you to mark me up nice and good, and them I’m gonna fuck you. Okay?” 

Jeongguk blinks at him, expression changing into something puzzled. “I thought you didn’t want me to leave bruises anymore.” 

Jimin can’t help the way he laughs. He can hardly believe that Jeongguk thinks that rule still stands. “I just didn’t want them knowing I wasn’t really yours.” 

Jeongguk blinks. “Oh.” 

Jimin cups Jeongguk’s cheek fondly. “And I’m yours now, right, baby?” 

“Mine,” breathes Jeongguk. He blinks again. “Oh my god, you’re mine,” he mutters, like he can't believe it. He pulls Jimin closer on his lap, looking at him urgently. “I want them, too. Wanna be yours.” 

Jimin smiles at him, planting a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “You are, Gguk-ah. We’ve got each other, okay? It’s all right here.” 

“Fuck,” Jeongguk utters, fingers pressing into Jimin’s hips, voice a little shaky. “I’ve never wanted you more than now.” 

Jimin doesn’t know what happens, but he finds himself overwhelmed all over again. The butterflies wreak havoc in his stomach, and he’s blinking back tears. “How did we end up here?” he whispers, pressing his forehead against Jeongguk’s. 

“I don’t know,” breathes Jeongguk. He pauses. “A lot of sex.” 

Jimin laughs at him, loud and high. “God, you’re not wrong.” He pulls Jeongguk by the back of the head so their lips are centimeters apart. “Now come here. You’re so fucking hot. I don’t think I tell you that enough.”

Jeongguk starts posturing a little bit, jutting out his chin and squaring his shoulders. “Yeah? What do you like about me?” 

Jimin wants to laugh at him again, but instead he plays the game. He grazes his teeth along Jeongguk’s jaw. “Want me to pay attention to you, love? I know you know you’re hot.” 

Jeongguk just looks at him expectantly, so Jimin shoves him back onto the bed and kisses him hard. He pushes his tongue past Jeongguk’s mouth, and they kiss until they’re both a little bit desperate. Then, Jimin starts talking. 

“Hmm, what do I like about my Jeonggukie.” He presses another kiss to Jeongguk’s lips. “I like this mouth,” Jimin says, running his finger along it. “You’re so good with it.” 

He kisses Jeongguk again, sucking on his tongue, but he pulls back just as Jeongguk starts to get into it. He whines as Jimin shifts his lips away, sitting up on Jeongguk’s lap to pull both of their tops off. Then he ducks back down to Jeongguk’s chest, leaving a trail of lovebites on his collarbones. He brushes his fingers over the angry red marks, pressing his pink fingertips into Jeongguk’s skin and loving the way the colors seem to evolve into one another. 

“You have such pretty collarbones, too, baby,” he murmurs. 

Jeongguk hums beneath him, clearly enjoying the attention. Jimin shifts further back onto Jeongguk’s thighs and lays both of his small hands on Jeongguk’s abdomen. He trails his fingers over the ridges of Jeongguk’s muscles and leans down to kiss down the line that runs down the center of them. “Am I predictable if I say your abs make you hot?” Jimin giggles, looking up at Jeongguk through his messy, silver fringe. “I like them a lot, Jeongguk-ah. I like how strong you are. How easily you can move me around. How easily you could fuck me up, if you wanted to.” 

Jimin hears Jeongguk take a breath, and he feels the way his diaphragm rises and falls. He scrapes his teeth over Jeongguk’s navel, and just as he starts to move lower, he realizes he forgot a few things. He resettles in Jeongguk’s lap, both of their cocks straining against each other where they’re trapped in their pants. Jeongguk starts to shift beneath him, but before he can start asking to be touched, Jimin lays his hands over Jeongguk’s pecs. He traces his thumbs over Jeongguk’s nipples, feeling them harden at his touch and watching the way Jeongguk’s face screws up at the sensation. 

“Your big chest is hot, too, baby,” Jimin says, watching Jeongguk exhale heavily beneath him. He leans over to suck one of Jeongguk’s nipples into his mouth, and then he leaves a mark right beside it. “And you’re so sensitive here. Doesn’t take much, does it?” 

Jeongguk just whines and moves his hands to slide beneath Jimin’s leggings, cupping his ass. “Kiss me,” he demands. 

Jimin pouts. “But there are so many other parts of you that I like. What about that face?” he says, inching closer to Jeongguk’s mouth. He slides a hand along the column of Jeongguk’s throat. “Your neck? Your pretty eyes?” 

“Don’t care,” Jeongguk growls, “kiss me.” 

Jimin indulges him, and they kiss again until Jimin himself is growing desperate. As he pulls away licking his red lips, he reaches a hand between the bodies to run his fingers up and down the length of Jeongguk’s hard dick in his pants. “ I almost forgot your big cock,” says Jimin. He taps Jeongguk’s hip bone. “Wanted to mark you right here, too, right before I took you in my mouth.” 

Jeongguk grips Jimin harder. “I thought I was supposed to mark you,” he mumbles. 

Jimin squeezes Jeongguk’s length, and he sucks in a sharp breath through his nose, making Jimin smile. “I’m not going anywhere, baby. We have time.”

“Oh,” says Jeongguk, eyes smiling before his mouth does. “Yeah. We do. I can just be with you all the time.” He says it like a realization, and it sits so pleasantly with Jimin. This is it. They just get to be like this, uninhibited and loving, whenever they want. 

“Mmm, yep,” replies Jimin happily, kissing Jeongguk’s cheek. “Always, with you.” 

He ignores his own request to be marked up to continue worshiping Jeongguk, sucking bruises all over Jeongguk’s pretty chest and abs, the column of his neck, the sharp points of his hip bones. He keeps it up until Jeongguk can’t stand not being touched, leaking into his briefs and hips bumping up into Jimin’s touch. Jimin isn’t unmerciful, and he’s in love, so as they strip each other of their clothes, Jimin lingers between Jeongguk’s legs, sucking the precome from the head of Jeongguk’s cock. 

Jeongguk gasps at his touch, and Jimin lets him have what he wants, bobbing his head and twisting his wrist at the base of Jeongguk’s cock until he’s telling Jimin to stop from how close he is. 

“Come here,” Jeongguk asks instead, so sweetly brushing Jimin’s hair from his eyes. “Wanna touch you.” 

Jimin crawls up the bed and lays next to him. Jeongguk greets him with a kiss and a hand on his cock. Jimin doesn’t even realize how much he was aching for it until he gets the touch. Jeongguk goes slow, kissing along Jimin’s neck finally, stopping to leave a mark behind his ear before whispering in it. 

As he swirls his thumb around the head of Jimin’s dripping cock, he asks, “Will you really dance on me one day?” 

Jimin smirks, turning his head to kiss Jeongguk again and lay a hand over the tiny, muscular dip of his waist. “You want that? Want me to move my hips on you?” he breathes. Jeongguk nods. “Want me to grind on your cock and make you beg to have me?” 

Jeongguk’s hand stutters where he’s touching Jimin as he moans, gasping, “Yes, so bad.” 

Jimin pets Jeongguk’s cheek even though his hips buck into Jeongguk’s touch. “Another time, baby. Right now I just want you like this. I don’t want any distractions. Is that okay?” 

Jeongguk blinks wetly at him, taking his hand from Jimin’s cock and pulling their bodies together where they lay on their sides. “Of course it’s okay. I’m just so lucky I get to have you.” 

Jimin smiles fondly at him, carding through his hair. “You’ve had me for so long and you still feel lucky?” 

Jeongguk looks at him like he’s silly. “I’ve never had you like this, hyung. I’ve never gotten to pull you close and tell you I love you even if I’ve thought about it a million times. It’s just a little surreal.” 

Somehow, even when he’s this turned on, Jimin’s emotions overwhelm him. He can’t believe the way they’re able to go back and forth between both of those sensations, and he’s so glad that one doesn’t cancel out the other. 

“I love you too, Gguk,” Jimin murmurs, kissing him once. “I love you so much. You always feel so good. It makes me feel so good when we’re close like this. It’s even better, now.” 

Jeongguk’s breath hitches, his hand grasping at Jimin’s waist. “You feel it too?” he whispers. “The way it changed?” 

“Yeah,” Jimin breathes.. 

“I’m never gonna be able to keep my hands off of you,” Jeongguk mutters, pulling Jimin into his lap again with one fluid motion and taking Jimin’s cock back into his hand. 

Jimin’s laugh doesn’t really stifle his moan, but he mumbles, “You already don’t, you horny kid.” 

“As if you’re not as desperate as me,” Jeongguk chuckles, licking his lips and squeezing Jimin’s ass. 

“Do I need to tell you how hot you are again? Did you forget in the past few minutes why I want you all the time?”

Jeongguk’s lips stay parted. “No–”

Jimin cuts him off by getting off his lap and going to retrieve the lube and a condom. “Right,” he says as he leaves the bed. “Now can I fuck you, pretty boy? Get you coming undone for me?” 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says, reaching for Jimin as soon as he returns to the sheets. “Want it. Want you.” 

They don’t fuck slow and sickly sweet, because they don’t have to. Jimin opens him quick, and then they fuck hard. Jeongguk leaves long red lines running down Jimin’s back and pretty red marks on his neck to match. They gasp sweet words into each other’s skin, but they’re mixed into the things they’ve always said. Jeongguk moans loudly into Jimin’s ear, saying how good his cock feels inside of him, and Jimin praises him until he comes done, still paying attention to every part of his perfect body and reminding him of how good he is. 

They come together, and it ends in sticky, sweaty, messy bodies marked by achy muscles and bruised skin. It’s so much like the usual, and that, Jimin thinks, is why it feels so good. They were already here. They were already so quietly loving and so full of words. They just needed the final push. The cue to say I love you.

☾ ☾ ☾

mood: LOVE. FEAT. ZACARI – kendrick lamar, zacari 

Jimin texted Jeongguk about an hour ago with the studio number where they’re supposed to meet, but he fails to leave the house without being barraged with loud commentary from one Kim Taehyung. 

“Your neck? ” Taehyung shouts, reaching for the collar of Jimin’s t-shirt that’s already doing very little to cover up the hickeys all over his skin. “Your neck still looks like this? It’s been a week since you got together for real, and it still looks like you’re in some kind of sick cannibalistic competition. Are you trying to see who can eat each other first?” 

Jimin just falls onto him in uncontrollable laughter, catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror they have by the door and promptly looking away. It’s not his best look, but he does like it. 

“I can’t believe your big emotional resolution ended in this, ” Taehyung exclaims. “Fucking horny teeth-loving weirdos.” 

Jimin keeps giggling. He and Jeongguk have only continued to mark each other up, apparently not over their newfound possessiveness, and somehow they fuck even more than they used to. It just keeps on getting better with all of their walls down. 

“Just don’t ask him to take his shirt off,” Jimin chuckles, putting on his sneakers and grabbing his keys. “Wouldn’t want you to see that.” 

Taehyung makes a disgusted face, but he follows Jimin to the door and kisses his cheek. “You guys are foul. I’m so happy for you and I love you so much. Have fun! Good luck!” 

Jimin leaves him with a “thank you” and “I love you, too,” and then he’s making his way to school. 

Jimin gets to the studio with plenty of time to spare, so he warms up using his regular routine, stretching, practicing, breathing so he can actually calm down. He’s on the floor when Jeongguk finally arrives, gorgeous with his big backpack thrown over his shoulders, face hidden by a cap, and a black, short-sleeve shirt that shows off his arms. Jimin’s not sure how Jeongguk fairs against the heat with his monochrome wardrobe, but he infallibly looks good – so Jimin doesn’t question it. 

Jeongguk stares at Jimin who’s bent in half to reach past his toes, and Jimin sees where Jeongguk’s eyes are trained on his tight, all-white outfit. He’d changed into something nicer when he’d gotten here, and he’s pretty sure that Jeongguk wasn’t expecting it. 

“Hyung–” Jeongguk starts. 

Jimin lifts a hand to cut him off, and then he promptly jumps to his feet. “No, don’t say anything. I just have to do it.” 

“Okay,” says Jeongguk. 

“Get comfy,” Jimin mumbles, suddenly a little nervous. 

Jeongguk listens, shedding his hat and shoes and coming to stand at the back of the studio, right in line with the center of the room. Jimin hands him his phone shyly and mumbles, “When I look at you, press play, okay? It’s on the bluetooth.” 

Jeongguk nods wordlessly, staring with his wide eyes and the lovestruck stars that live in them. 

Jimin fiddles with his silky shirt as he moves into the middle of the floor, staring down at his bare feet before closing his eyes. He takes several deep breaths, and then his eyes are flashing up to Jeongguk, who starts the music right on cue. 

“Butterfly” pours out of the speakers, and Jimin moves without thinking. He’d stayed in the studios for hours every night this past week just to do this for Jeongguk. Jeongguk had instilled this faith in him that he could do it, and so he did. He devoted all of his time into this choreography, into fluid hand movements and pointed fingers, into soft curves and sharp angles. He feels Jeongguk watching him, but instead of making Jimin more nervous, it calms him down. This is the culmination of their stories, movement meeting music. 

At the very least, he can say he tried his best. 

It’s less than five minutes before it’s all over, but by the end, Jimin’s chest is heaving and Jeongguk is coming to hug him tight. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Jeongguk whispers into his ear. “Your hair, and the outfit, and the way you move, God, I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me.” 

Jimin just laughs breathily, stepping back from the hug to sweep his hair off his forehead and smile at Jeongguk with ruddy cheeks. “Come watch me and Hobi dance sometime. I’m sure that’s more fun.”

“No,” Jeongguk says. “I mean, yes, I will, I’d love to, but– this was unreal. You were made for this, Jimin-ah.” 

Jimin just blushes harder, looking away. He hasn’t danced for anyone like this, alone for watchful eyes. It only feels right that the piece was this one. 

“Would you ever perform it for real?” Jeongguk asks. “Like for an audience?” 

Jimin meets his eyes, speaking shyly. If there’s anything that makes him reserved, it’s this. “Maybe,” he admits. “It feels right. I’m not sure that I feel ready for it yet, but I’m gonna work my way there.” 

Jeongguk’s grin seems to fill up his entire face, dimples and all. He pulls Jimin for another quick hug and releases him again. “Good plan. I’m really, really proud of you. I can’t believe how beautiful you are.” 

Avoiding the compliment, Jimin flutters his eyelashes and does a little pirouette for him. “I think this just means you have to write all the songs I dance contemporary to.” 

Jeongguk lets out a low whistle. “That’s a tall order.” 

Jimin waves a hand around. “We can take it one at a time. Anyway, you’re doing just as well as me. And I’m just as proud.” He takes Jeongguk’s hand and pulls. “Now let’s go. We’re going on a date.” 

Jeongguk blinks, looking happy. “We are?” 

Jimin shrugs, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Why not?” 

“Where are we going?” Jeongguk asks, leading Jimin to the back of the studio to gather their bags and put on their shoes. 

“I thought we could have a drink before I take you to dinner,” says Jimin smoothly, shoving his sneakers back on and zipping up his bag. 

“Drinking on a weeknight?” Jeongguk asks, teasing. “What happened to my little nerd who studies every day of his life?” 

Jimin pouts, crossing his arms over his chest. “First of all, I’m not little.” Jeongguk draws a line from the top of Jimin’s head to his own face to signify their height difference. “Second of all, we’re celebrating.” 

Jeongguk steps forward and wraps him in a bear hug. “My boyfriend is little and strong and I love him for it,” he says in Jimin’s ear, proudly corny. “What are we celebrating?” 

“Us,” Jimin says. “Duh.” 

Jeongguk giggles. “But we got together, like, a week ago.” 

Jimin gives him a look. “I don’t care. Now, what will you drink?” He releases himself from the tight grip Jeongguk has on him and grabs Jeongguk’s arm, maneuvering it over his own shoulder and clinging to Jeongguk’s waist. 

They make their way out of the building as Jeongguk thinks it over. “I don’t know. Gin and tonic?” 

As they step outside into the warm air, the sun is just beginning to kiss the horizon. The sky is cast in a pink light, but they can already see the moon. The sounds of the cicadas are still singing in the trees. 

“Oh, me too then,” chirps Jimin happily. “Just don’t spill it on me, okay?” 

Like summer, Jeongguk’s laughter grows sweeter every day.