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Afraid to sleep

Summary:

"I can only sleep if you're here." She needs a knight to defend her from bad dreams; of memories and bad experiences. Zenitsu is pretty sure this is the strangest mission assigned to him. But he would do anything for her.

Notes:

This fic came out after reading the chapter 200 of manga, basically to cure my depression through a ZenNezu full of feelings and a little hot at the end. It may contain some grammar errors because, as I always say, English isn't my first language.

Enjoy!

Work Text:

1.

Air can almost freeze bodies. It is almost as thick and cold as the raw sadness that riotes around. There are exhausted survivors and still grieving for the loss. A prayer is said to the fallen; Thanks for their effort, they gave their lives to a cause that, fortunately, wasn't lost. Zenitsu keeps his hands clenched as much as his aching muscles allow him, his attention is in front, and if his eyes look suspiciously glassy from time to time, he lets it pass. Next to him is Nezuko; a human Nezuko he hardly knows (but knows anyway) sitting with her hands clasped in her lap, staring at a fixed point, but not seeing.

She makes no sound. Sadness, resignation, even anger were the most recurring sounds emitted by the people who survived the battle, but when Zenitsu approaches Nezuko he finds nothing. She is like a hole. She sounds empty.

She seems hollow.

There are a lot of broken pieces that cannot fit again because a key piece is missing. She is like a musical box that needs to be fixed, but he doesn't know how; not when it is also a bit broken inside.

Somewhere during the first night after that sunrise, Nezuko drowns, only to wake up to an alarmed scream followed by heartbroken crying, shaky breaths, and tremors all over her body.

That is the first time Zenitsu has heard Nezuko's feelings. Inosuke pats her on the back and Zenitsu quickly reaches out a bandaged hand to grab hers, hoping that's at least enough for now. He hopes that with that brief but firm grip he will let her know that she has not been left alone, that he is there with her, and will be here as long as necessary.

Nezuko continues to tremble, but doesn't push either boy away. She calms down little by little, until everything is silent again. There is nothing to listen to except that constant sound that comes from she. Not sadness, resignation, or anger.

It was fear.

2.

The next night, they are at butterflies state. The place has received all the wounded (and corpses) treating them properly. Zenitsu has been tossing and turning, at the rate his body allows it, in bed for several hours, trying to fall asleep, but his mind seems reluctant to want to sleep, even if he feels tired. Every time he closes his eyes, memories attack and suffocate him. His brain is constantly on the alert, even knowing that he is safe in this place. That's why he quickly notice the intrusion into his room. It's too late to believe that is a nurse, nor does he believe that Inosuke is wandering around, but judging by the sound of fear that the person emits, the blonde knows who it is.

Nezuko approaches his bed and asks a question without saying a word. Even with bandage and cast restrictions, Zenitsu still manages to make room for she in bed. He puts the blanket on for the girl and she covers herself. He insists that he will stay awake and watch his sleep, but Nezuko takes none of that. She pulls him to lie with her, hands him a part of the blanket, and rolls onto her side. By the time they spoon as she wants, her head is resting on one of his arms as he wraps her torso around her like a shield. Before he can dissuade her, she quickly falls asleep.

Zenitsu decides it's okay to do this this time, ignoring how happy he feels to have her so close. They both need the closeness of someone real to hold on to, at least at night, and he relaxes around him, falling asleep.

3.

It's been a while and Zenitsu still can't convince Nezuko to sleep alone. Not that it bothers her that she sleeps next to him (he's really happy about that because he's dreamed of it so many times). The problem is that she only falls asleep if the blonde is next to her, and this emotional attachment isn't healthy. Zenitsu has done some demon hunts (the few that remain) and has had to spend a few nights outside. On the days that he returns to butterflies state, Aoi thanks him and comments that Nezuko will not suffer more night terrors for the duration of his stay in the place.

Zenitsu then looks at her. Nezuko seems so brave during the day, helping out in whatever she can do in that place, desperately trying not to be on the brink of the abyss. She even lets her guard down a bit, she smiles, and when she does, it's like the sun is coming out from behind a cloud. Perhaps the moon is a better comparison, but he let the simile remain.

However, the nights are different. It is then that she becomes even more silent, when she sits closer and closer to him. They usually dine together, their hips pressed against his. Her behavior also changes, from determined and focused to fearful and nervous.

He asks she about what Aoi has told him. Nezuko looks at him for a long moment, and then nods.

"I can only sleep if you're here."

Because when you're not there, nightmares come.

She needs a knight to defend her from bad dreams; of memories and bad experiences. Zenitsu is pretty sure this is the strangest mission assigned to him. But he would do anything for her; it would keep her safe and secure no matter what, just as Tanjirou would have.

So they do what she wants, and that's how she manages to sleep.

4.

The last mission turned out terrible. Although he and Inosuke are alive, he has a deep and bloody shoulder wound. He hadn't been hurt like that in a long time, and at one point Nezuko is upon him, and he hears a wave of concern as she ignores his excuses and explanations. When Zenitsu tries to catch her hands (which she's been swinging a lot) the sound of concern turns to anger at him. She has a way of looking at him with her chin tilted down that makes him shrink. It reminds him of that hellish dawn, when a part of Kamado Nezuko died with his brother, and although he knows that this time she is scolding him for being reckless and hurting himself, the memory is stronger and makes him feel bad; It even makes he want to cry. When he sees her tremble slightly, something flutters in him, and before he can help himself, he takes one of her hands and guides her to his lips.

"Forgive me, Nezuko-chan."

Everything stops for both of us. The girl's eyes shine, but he isn't quite sure, although she doesn't move away. She sounds surprised by his outburst. He feels bolder and allows himself a kiss on her smooth skin. Nezuko gasps and her fingers contract.

She lets out a sigh accompanied by his name, just his name, and for some reason that's what gets him out of his momentary daze. Their faces are so close; He isn't sure how they got there, but he can feel her breath on his jaw and the sound of her breathing becomes uneven and warm. It's overwhelming and he feel dizzy.

It takes all his willpower to get away from her.

5.

Little is said about that moment for the rest of the day, but when they go to bed, Nezuko, faithful to what she had been doing for almost two years, comes to his room to sleep with him. However, she remains awake in his arms for much longer than usual. Her fingers play over his, where his hand extends over her belly. She hasn't complained about the intimate contact, so he leaves her there. Zenitsu breathes in the scent of her hair and concentrates on the rhythmic, calming noises of her heart. Between the consciousness and unconsciousness of a person who is falling asleep, something unexpected happens.

Zenitsu almost thinks it is a dream or hallucination, but he feels a pair of thin soft lips on the back of his hand, then on the palm.

He opens his eyes when she turns in his arms to look at him, looking for something, and he doesn't know what. The blonde doesn't realize how stiff she is until he starts stroking her back, giving her comfort. He pulls her close and murmurs soft things in her ear to calm her down. The tension gradually disappears until, once again, she sleeps.

6.

Nezuko needs to go out for a while.

She has been practically living in the butterflies state, and that is already taking its toll on her spirits. She stays busy as much as she can during the day, to avoid thinking; she stay out of her mind, but when there is nothing to do, she feel out of place. The breaking point occurs when she cries again, so heartbroken, but no one can blame her. There are wounds that never really heal, no matter how much time passes. So, after calming her down a bit, Zenitsu suggests going to town for a while, to distract her mind.

their path to the village is quiet, and while Zenitsu talks to her about the flowers they see around and tells her things, Nezuko hums an old folk song where she comes from. It's ... nice, this feeling, just the two of them out in the open without deadlines or external pressures. No memories to wrinkle their fragile hearts.

Free time is good for both of you. Their moods are sweetened and they talk about things that make them happy. It's a surprisingly long conversation, and he decides that the best sound he has heard in a long time is made by Nezuko. It is a warm and sweet sound. A sound so kind that it makes he want to cry. He want to keep it that way longer.

7.

It turns out that the little ride had to be suspended due to bad weather. Despite the fact that Nezuko said that she isn't uncomfortable walking in the rain to return to the butterflies state, Zenitsu isn't taking any of that. The last thing he needs is for the girl to get sick, or him, from walking in the cold rain at sunset. He also doesn't want Tanjirou to pull his legs while he sleeps. He decides that the wisest thing is to stay in a hostal while the typhoon passes.

He leaves it up to her to decide where she wants to stay. There are two quite decent and cozy places. He stops his walk and turns his head towards Nezuko, awaiting her decision. She sends him one of her thoughtful looks as the seconds pass. There is no one else on the road in either direction because of the rain. She looks forward and her chin is raised. Her lips part in deep, focused breathing. Then nod to the right.

8.

The place is nice and looks comfortable, and the important thing is that Nezuko feels calm. She smiles more. The fear he has grown accustomed to hearing every night is almost gone.

 

Zenitsu starts combing her hair once they are in the room, smiling before the little noises of satisfaction that she emits, and feels that his heart can explode the moment she settles against him and huddles up, ready to fall asleep in any moment. It is very, very difficult to think clearly when she falls asleep and their bodies are so tight.

It's the worst of bad ideas to even think of her like that, and he can almost feel Tanjirou's ghost on his back wanting to rip his neck off. His love for her is still very platonic, and he tells himself that he is happy just by having her around. It doesn't matter whether or not it's achievable for him. It doesn't matter how fucking delicious she feels against him or that she needs him in some way. Zenitsu will wait. He's been doing it for years, anyway.

He is, after all, completely under her spell, and would not otherwise.

9.

He wakes up in the middle of the night, and the first thing he realizes is that he is alone. Panic hits him and he sits down. His eyes sweep across the room, and he finds her sitting on the wide frame of a window, looking up at the sky. The fireplace fire has gone out, so it kindles it up a bit and then joins she. He sits next to her and they automatically lean on each other, holding hands.

For your comfort, Zenitsu tells himself, although of course that's a lie. Her nightmares haven't terrified her overnight, and she doesn't sound scared, but he doesn't want to think that he's taking advantage of the situation.

Nezuko's other hand gently rests on his knee, her slender fingers tracing a figure in his pants. She says nothing, yet there is no excuse or reason to wake up. Which is right; they have these long silences between them that don't seem to bother her and they certainly don't bother him. Zenitsu has always been a noisy man, talking and talking nonstop, even when he's with her he does, he accepts it, but now he doesn't feel the need to utter words.

 

"Maybe I won't see him, but that doesn't mean he's not here with me." The words catch him off guard and he looks at her, but she keeps her eyes fixed on what's outside the window. "They all accompany me always."

Zenitsu lightly grabs her chin to make her look at him. Her eyes are crystal clear, and he feels his own vision blurry, but he forces himself to push the tears away. "Tanjirou will always be alive in our hearts, and there he will be eternal."

Nezuko hugs him and they stay like this for what seems like hours, until they are sitting on the ground. Something changes in her, a sudden tension that is the only sign that she is about to move. Nezuko breaks free of his grasp and pulls away a bit so she can kneel down and look at him. Her heavy eyes are on his, holding him in place with just the power of her gaze. Then her pupils move briefly to his mouth and back to his eyes, and she leans down to his ear.

"Thank you." the whisper feels like it was a scream. His face begins to redden and he feels the hairs on the nape of his neck stand up at the sensation of the girl's warm breath.

He doesn't have time to think properly for what reason she's thanking him, because his mind is too busy recording the girl's movements. He realizes later, when Nezuko hits her forehead against his, that his heart isn't the only one that rumbles in his chest, almost out of control. His breath stop the moment she laces their fingers together (he doesn't know when she takes his hand) and he sees her close her eyes and lean even further, to the point that the only thing that separates them is a slight forward movement.

He shouldn't, shouldn't, really shouldn't respond, but he've dreamed of that moment so many times, he feels like autopilot when he make that slightest move forward.

Both inhale at the first touch of their lips; Zenitsu's as if electrified and Nezuko's as if holding back a sob. It is an inexperienced kiss, and neither knows very well what to do, but somehow, the blonde ends up dragging her onto his lap, making her settle for better access to his mouth. The Kamado girl releases her hand and extends those elegant fingers over the contours of his face as if to memorize them, then they tangle in his hair and neck and bring his closer.

He changes the angle of their kiss, and he feels her lips part under his. Slowly, her tongue tastes his lower lip; urges he to go deeper. Zenitsu cannot suppress a moan that comes out of his throat spontaneously; she echoes the sound and vibrates between them.

He has his tongue in her mouth at some point, and all he knows is that it's glory. She tastes of spring water, sweet, salt. It is an intoxicating taste that forces he to kiss her over and over again. He finds himself pressing hot kisses into the corner of her mouth, her jaw, her flushed cheeks, the soft skin under her ear.

Nezuko returns everything he can, albeit breathless. She gasps when he presses his mouth to her neck, her head feels dizzy and she can't formulate coherent thoughts. Then she guides his face to hers again with a passionate growl. The sound causes Zenitsu to burn and before he can think of what he's doing, Nezuko is on her back underneath him and his arms are resting on either side of her head, her hands clinging to his shoulders. Their hips meet and the demon slayer is delighted and disturbed to discover that she has spread her legs to let him settle between them. He can't help brush against into her once, only to hear a strong desire ripple through her like a shock wave.

There is a moment, just a small moment, when the small voice in the back of his head (a voice that is mysteriously quite familiar and seems to scold him) reminds him that it is time to stop before they do something even more discouraged than this. He cannot take advantage of her like this when she is still so emotionally vulnerable. He loves her too much for that.

With an angry noise, angry with himself, certainly not with her, he closes his eyes and stands up. The spell breaks, leaving both of them panting and their limbs loose on the hard ground. Zenitsu appreciates how the cold wood under his back helps cool his burning. He laughs weakly. He always has to do everything wrong.

Nezuko is angry for a moment, but as reality returns to her, she recovers with an arm crossed over her eyes. Zenitsu isn't sure if she is crying or not, but he could understand if she is. As things stand, he needs time to calm his blood enough to sit and hold her hand without pulling her into his arms.

Blindly, she accepts the hand and uses it to leverage herself. They sit next to each other again, almost a meter apart this time, but they don't let go, the fingers are intertwined.

"I'm sorry."

"No." the blond man squeezes her hand lightly. "You don't have to apologize, Nezuko-chan." She nods, but doesn't respond.

Something has changed between them, and Zenitsu fears (or is hopeful, or both) that things will never be the same again.

10.

As usual, they don't say anything about ... well, kissing isn't strong enough, but it will have to work.

The image of her below him, the sound of her voice saying his name, the sidelong glance he has seen too many times to count during his return ... all this makes his chest feel tight, his insides bottomless, his weak knees. She does something to him; has always done something to him. With she, all the usual responses are canceled.

It's exciting too, if he is honest. It feels really nice to know that, at least with more flaws than virtues, he isn't indifferent for she. He craves a little love, too, after all.

They may not talk about it, but the air between them is charged and relaxed. Their fingers touch more often, and they walk with their hands clasped a good part of the way. He is hyperconscious of her presence, even more than before. She smiles more, laughs more; there is lightness in her bearing. She seems comfortable around his. She feels confident and protected.

There is no safer place for her, in fact.

In the evening, after dinner, they sit together in the garden looking at the stars. Zenitsu makes her a flower crown, tells her how pretty she is, makes her laugh. She runs her fingers through his hair, arranging flowers, and then pulls him toward her to kiss his cheek. She smiles at him so brightly that Zenitsu feels dizzy.

"Seriously, Nezuko-chan, you're going to make my heart explode!"

She laughs, and maybe at that moment the broken pieces in her heart finally begin to come together again. Her musical box finally begins to play the entire melody. Nezuko approaches him, and puts her hand on his cheek, appreciating how red his face becomes at the contact and how nervous he seems with her closeness.

Their lips meet soon after.

11.

Zenitsu almost feels like he's getting used to the sleep-kissing routine he's fallen into (almost accidentally, really) with Nezuko. He doesn't complain or anything, because as long as she feels comfortable and happy, he wouldn't deny her anything (and he also feels elated every time he kisses her). Furthermore, He is not being forced to do so. However, there are nights when he feels like he is taking advantage, when his mouth becomes greedy and he leaves hers to start exploring other parts, like her neck and beyond. Then he forces himself to curb his desires. He shouldn't stain someone as pure as her.

He stands firm on that thought, until that night.

A night where memories torment her the most; where she cries asleep and wakes up agitated. A night where she between sobs asks him to please don't leave her; not to die. Zenitsu tries his best to calm her down, but only stops crying when he nods and promises that she won't die (a futile promise, because sooner or later he will have to leave that world too) before she does. When everything is silent, the blonde doesn't ask what kind of dream she had so that she clings to he so desperately, as if she making sure that he is real, that he is there; that he is alive. He simply wipes away any traces of tears and kisses her forehead repeatedly. Each kiss is a desperate attempt to rip bad memories and any trace of that nightmare from memory.

That's when she kisses him. It is a demanding and urgent kiss that steals he breath and leaves he out of his senses for a few seconds. She pushes him against the wall and climbs onto his lap, spreading kisses along his jaw and neck, leaving his skin burning at each point she touches. It is clear that Nezuko urges him to do more than kisses, and physically it hurts him to say no, because her emotions are unbalanced at the moment, and what she needs is to calm down.

The intensified emotions and the sudden interruption of the euphoria make Nezuko push him and stand up immediately. Zenitsu can't even hold her back and try to explain himself, stunned as he is. He isn't sure why she is angry until she turns to him, looking at him from above, her eyes glowing and irritated by the tears that shed, and then realizes that he has underestimated her all along.

Because she knows exactly what his problem is: he thinks that the poor little girl Kamado is emotionally unstable and that any false move can break her, and God, she is very angry with him for that. Nezuko doesn't want him to think that when he is with her, he walks in the middle of a field with many broken glass.

The demon slayer can only look at her, sitting from his place. What does she expect him to do? He cannot avoid the frustration that invades him even though he knows that she is right. But there are some things he can't do, at least not yet, and he has sworn to her brother that he will protect her, even if he has to protect her from herself.

"I'm not going to break me." she says, still burning, though the sound of her anger is now much lower. She advances towards him, slowly, with the grace that only she possesses. "I am not a flower in the middle of a ruined field, Zenitsu."

He remains fixed in place, unable to breathe, as if waiting for her order to do that. At one point, Nezuko has already reached him, close enough to feel herr warmth even without her touch. He finally breathes, and with that first breath, he leans his head against the wall.

"Nezuko-chan, you put me in big trouble." he says, letting out another half-hearted sigh. "Tanjirou is going to pull my legs while I sleep."

She laughs sadly and runs her fingers through his hair. When he looks at her, the moonlight through the window forms a halo around her head. However, her eyes, her eyes shine on him as surely as the moon does on her.

And then Zenitsu knows that he has already given up. It was a losing battle, anyway.

12.

Zenitsu asks her to trust him as he lowers his lips to hers. He tests her answer, feels it in the surge of his body against hers. He laughs at her enthusiasm, but he won't rush, as much as he would like to devour her with his hands and tongue. That wouldn't work, not when the night is still relatively young and they're the only two people awake now.

His fingers trace the frayed edge of her cleavage, the white dress she usually sleeps in. Her breath turns shallow, catching when he touches her skin. Zenitsu is about to drop the sleeves around her shoulders to drop the dress, but then he has a much better idea. With a line of brief kisses along her collarbone, he leaves.

Nezuko makes a disappointed sound that transforms into a groan of surprise when he caresses her abdomen again, his arms extended over his hips to hold her in place. Although she can't see it, his smile turns wolfish. He delights to hear the acceleration of her pulse; warming up her skin that he can feel even through the light fabric of her dress. He moves lower.

Now his hands find the ragged hem of the garment, and he avoids shaking when he slides them under her to caress her thighs. He keeps his touch light, pulling her knees apart until she begins to relax under him. Then he lowers his head even further, kisses her on the inside of her thigh, first as gently as he can, and then lets his teeth brush against sensitive skin. Nezuko screams, her hands can only reach his, but they can't stop him from tasting meat that has never felt someone else's touch. He immediately stands up and looks at her with concern.

"I am sorry!" He says hastily, regretful that he let himself be carried away so quickly by lust. "If you want me to stop, I will."

The girl looks at him briefly, and then takes her eyes off him. "N-no. It's okay."

He holds his gaze for a moment, there in the moonlight, then nods and turns his attentions to the refined curvature of her knee, the lean muscle of her calf, then down to the incredibly smooth skin of her thigh. He pushes her skirt up and out of the way, admiring what no other man has ever seen. The thought amazes him, the fact that she trusts him, that she loves him, that the shaking and excited body beneath him is as much his as hers ... He would say that it is a dream of not being for the real thing everything feels.

Slowly, reverently, he hooks his fingers to the sides of her underwear, slides the piece of cotton and tape over her hips, helps her kick her out of the way, and so, she's open to him.

Nezuko is looking at him, wanting him, his upper half resting on her elbows and her fingers digging into the blankets. Her black hair cascades down and tangles at some ends, her lips parted in fascinated desire. She has never seen herself more like a goddess, even though she is from Earth, she seems one of those ancient deities that promise a good harvest and fertile fields. She looks at him waiting for whatever he is thinking of doing.

Swallowing, he lowers his head to savor she.

Her reaction is immediate and powerful; she throws her head back with an irregular moan. Zenitsu hears her say his name over and over, like a prayer, and he is proud of himself. He brings her closer, places his shoulders under her legs to keep her firm, and buries his face between the soft folds of her most intimate place.

He has never done this before, he is as virgin as she is, and he is guided only by instinct, but he still thinks he is doing it fairly decently, judging by the noises the girl makes. Zenitsu learns how she forms, how she tastes, how she smells, what noises her body makes, and each experience is intensified by the fact that it is Nezuko, specifically her, that he is enjoying now. He drags his tongue along the edge of a fold and then dips it.

She is holding on to his hair now, her legs trying to close around his head. His low laugh sends another shudder through her, the vibration enough to make her cry. Her back arches and his name comes from her lips stronger, more urgently as his delicate ministrations becomes rougher, less controlled, and then his glorious mouth is on a bundle of nerves that makes her stay in white, and Nezuko can feel the knot that had formed at the base of her belly slowly unravel, until she feels it explode. There is a harsh cry, sweet wetness, and a gasp of relief.

Zenitsu then holds her firmly in place while her body jerks. When she stops moving, he looks at her. She lies in front of him, flushed, sweating, completely agitated by what he has done. She can barely lift her head to look at him, but she sounds satisfied. He laughs and crawls over her to place a kiss on her cheek. He then tries to get up, hoping to ease his own arousal on his own, but of course, Nezuko won't let him. She drags him back to her, kisses him hard, and then her hand is unbuttoning his pants, releasing and stroking him.

It's so mind boggling that this is really happening that Zenitsu doesn't care that she doesn't have practice and is eager for what she's doing. He guides her through those last moments, silently showing her what he needs, and she understands, by the gods above and below, she understands and he thanks each of those gods that she quickly learns whatever she is taught. Her name comes out of his mouth as it spills onto her hand. For endless minutes they simply lie down together, panting, both satiated to the level of the bones.

When they catch their breath, Zenitsu takes Nezuko in his arms and hugs her until she falls asleep. And only then, with the moon high and the fire extinguished within him, he falls asleep too.

13.

The last thing he remembered was the smell of blood and burned meat and then everything went black. His ear is the only thing that works now, but he doesn't care as he should. He can make full use of them.

He can hear Inosuke's raging heart, yelling at him that he doesn't need protection and that he's stupid and please don't die. Also listen to the needles and threads; the skin being reattached, Aoi's labored breathing, concentrated on hard work. He listen to many people rushing in and out, and then there is nothing. Nothing except the familiar Nezuko sound. Judging by the beating of her heart, she seems to be a little stunned since they were alone, lost in deep thoughts. Not a good thing, either, from the constant sound she emits with concern. Zenitsu tries to call her, but cannot. His voice doesn't come out. He can't see her either, but he knows her expression must reflect sadness, and he doesn't like that.

He already misses talking to her, but the only one talking is Nezuko. The past few weeks have tuned him in to the pleasant sound of her voice as she tells him about her home, sings the songs she learned as a child, asks his endless questions about the open world that spreads in the distance everywhere. What wild plants can they eat? Where does he come from? What do he remember from his childhood? Has he ever been to the big city? Which is he favorite color? What foods do he like and which do he dislike? He has been answering them as best he can, even though she cannot hear him.

But tonight, tonight Nezuko has no questions. Tonight, she is an empty shell and Zenitsu only hears grief and definitely fear.

"Don't leave Me…"

When he hears her cry, he thinks he has had enough of this, and forces himself to breathe harder and return to the world.

The moment he opens his eyes, Zenitsu is lying on the bed and feels his body burn, so he lets out a sobbing moan. His throat feels dry, his ears ring for a few seconds, and his vision is blurred. The next thing he knows is that he is being strangled by what Nezuko and Inosuke think is a hug. When he is finally released and can breathe easier, he asks what has happened. The girl Kamado tearfully tells he of his last mission, of the burn that now adorns his back and that he was apparently left out for a few long weeks. Then her request echoes in his head… don't leave me, she had said.

"I will always stay with you, Nezuko-chan." he promises, and he knows that this time he must fulfill that promise.

"You better, idiot" says Inosuke, but he lets it go because he has made Nezuko laugh, and because he knows that he has worried his best friend too.

14.

The stars extend above, innumerable small points of light that still do not offer any illumination. The moon is waning, tilted, losing the fullness it had just a few nights ago, when he promised to stay with Nezuko what is left of his life.

 

It suddenly reminds him of the place he called home for a while. It suddenly reminds him of Grandpa.

Zenitsu has not given much thought to those moments in his life. He prefers to cancel the memories so as not to feel the heavy burden of pain. He hasn't told anyone about all that he has kept for a long time. Each person already carries their own cross, anyway. But tonight, when he has his head in Nezuko's lap and she is stroking his hair, he feels ready to break free and finds himself telling her all about his life and days as an apprentice to thunder breathing.

He tells her about the orphanage where he spent most of his childhood, tells her that he wasn't fortunate enough to meet his parents (omitting that he was unloved and he was abandoned). He tells her about grandfather, how he met him. He tells she of the great scam of his life and how the old man paid for him. He offers her his best and funniest stories about his tough training, like the day he was struck by lightning and his hair color changed. He also tells her, with a bit of bitterness in his voice, about the guy who trained with him for a time (but he keeps to himself the outcome of that bitter story). He also talks about the way he met Inosuke and Tanjirou. He tells her everything that goes through his head at that moment, and Nezuko listens carefully. His shoulders relax a little; the ghost of a smile flutters on his lips.

He hasn't talked about himself as much in a conversation, at least not that he can remember, as he has now. He never felt that anyone cared about knowing about him, anyway. But Nezuko is different. She was always different. What the blond did was like a presentation catalog: this is Agatsuma Zenitsu; where he comes from, how he was made, and why he is here with her now.

He pauses, wondering what to say next, as he feels the woman's fingers trace the contours of his face.

Then he begins to tell her about the first time he heard the sound of love. It was at a wedding. He was just a boy, but he admired those two people in love from afar and wondered if he could ever be part of something like that. If ever he would be worthy of receiving such a feeling and being worshiped as the most precious thing in the world. That is why he idealized marriage as the greatest sign of love.

"Marriage, where I come from," Nezuko tells him with a wistful half smile, "takes very seriously."

"Of course, Nezuko-chan. Marriage is the purest act of love I know."

There is a brief moment of silence, and then Nezuko is getting up from where she has been sitting for what seemed like hours. Zenitsu sits down and looks at her intently, curious about whatever she is planning. She gathers her hair into a makeshift bun and then takes his hand to make him stand up and leads them both under the tops of a tree that seems to have been standing there for years. Still hands clasped, she stands in front of him and smiles.

"Many things are missing for the traditional ceremony, but we can do it anyway." she says softly, without losing the smile that adorns her lips. Zenitsu still doesn't quite understand what she means, but the picture becomes a little clearer when she continues speaking. "Zenitsu, thanks for being who you are. Thank you for your interest in me, because you have made my problems your problems, and I know that I can always count on you. Thank you for existing in my life."

The world changes within him, and something falls into place. He is symbolically marrying Kamado Nezuko.

Zenitsu hugs her, buries his face against her hair, and breathes in her scent. There is a tightness in his chest, a blurred vision, and the familiar sensation of salty tears running down his cheeks is immediate. To combat it, he captures her in a kiss, as if that was a remotely viable way to clear his head.

"I love you." he mutters breathlessly as he releases her lips a moment later. "I really, really love you, Nezuko-chan."

A wedding vow is never broken, and before the old tree, the stars that lend their ancient light, the waning moon, and the sky that serves as their wedding canopy, she gives him the most radiant smile he has seen in a long time.

"Love you too."

15.

If this is a sham, if this is a dream, then he never wants to wake up. He wants to live forever in ignorance if allowed to.

She stands up against him with the slightest of touches, slender arms wrapping around his neck and her taut belly pressing against his abdomen. He groans in her mouth, making the same sound as her.

They sink into the blankets together. She unzips her old, worn kimono and helps him do the same with his respective clothes. He feels her legs around his waist, the slow drag of her heel on his lower back, though she forces her hands to stay at her sides, trusting him. Carefully, Zenitsu lowers his head to lick the exposed skin of her neck. She tastes sweet and fresh. He smiles against her chest at the way that only his breath can make her moan his name. When his mouth is on one of her breasts, she arches and his name falls harder on her lips. Her reaction is no less controlled when he takes the other and gives him the same treatment.

Zenitsu only needs one arm to support her back and keep her sweet chest within reach of his lips. But the other hand is free to wander, free to wrap around her hip, over the curve of her butt, slide light fingers over her thigh and around to sink into her hot slippery core.

It is too much for her to keep her hands to herself after that. Overwhelmed by the inexorable and still too slow movement of his fingers inside her and the impact of his mouth on her chest, Nezuko's own hands flutter over her body, and then over his. She bites her lower lip and even from his angle he can see limitless lust in her gaze.

He curls his fingers inside her and is pleased to see her lose focus again. The woman's hands cling to his hair with nothing to grab. When he twists his fingers again, she gasps and bites a knuckle.

"Let me listen to you." he pleads against her collarbone.

The next push from his hand is greeted by a sharp gasp, then a pleading moan. Zenitsu drags small bites down her neck and is rewarded with another series of pointless noises. He accelerates the rhythm of her hand, stroking her folds between thrusts to keep her on the verge of ecstasy; He needs to know how far she can bear the delicious torture he is subjecting her to. Nezuko's legs tighten around him and he suddenly wishes it wasn't his hand that made her tense against him.

When she reaches his climax, she lets out a last scream drenched in pleasure that is music to the blonde's sensitive ears. His body contracts around her fingers as if to keep him there. Zenitsu covers her with light kisses as Nezuko recovers, but when he reaches her lips, she responds with desperate ferocity.

Her body molds to his, her hands tearing at his clothes because she thinks, and he agrees, that he's wearing too much. And it's not fair to any of them. Zenitsu buries his face against her neck when she pushes his pants past his hips and, bolder than the last time they did this, wraps her fingers around him.

He don't need to guide her this time. Her two hands are on him, working, caressing; the nails brushing the hypersensitive skin. She holds his gaze with challenging eyes darkened by lust. He can't take his eyes off her, he can barely blink. It's almost too much for him to bear, simply holding his arms over her as she bites her lip and her hands drag him toward completion. And then Zenitsu is on the verge and Nezuko's lashes flutter in response to how hard it gets at that last moment. He sees stars, gasps a harsh growl that he couldn't contain even if he tried, and finally touches the sky.

Sweat trickles from his nose onto Nezuko's cheek. They lie there, swallowing air, Zenitsu trembling with the effort of staying above her. When she reaches his face with trembling hands, urging him to kiss her, he lowers his body and rolls to the side, taking the girl with him. Their kisses are vague, unhurried, deep and hot. Nezuko is a satisfying wet weight on his chest. The blonde runs his fingers along her spine and cradles her bare skin wherever it rounds under his hand.

Before the next breath, Nezuko is dragging him closer with her hands clenched on the lapels of his open shirt. By the time their mouths meet again, her response to him kissing him is almost enough to short-circuit his brain. Zenitsu feels her little hands on him; ghostly touches that multiply as he try to stay sane.

She is obviously desperate for the clothes that still wear him to take off, her cheeks burn red and the delicate blush has spread down her neck to her breasts. When her fight with his shirt is finally overcome, Nezuko throws the garment to the ground without thinking more, and begins to outline with her mouth every muscle, scar or mark that he finds on his chest. It's fascinating. The feeling is electrifying. Nezuko is thinking the same thing when she makes him sit down while stroking his face and wrapping her legs around him.

The sensations are so different, so crystal clear and addictive. There are also sounds of emotions like shyness, boldness and desire that he recognizes come from Nezuko. Both of them are breathing heavily now, Zenitsu sitting below her and unable to look away.

She licks her lips and they both gasp as she sits directly on his erection. The air heats up fast enough, but not that they will notice by then. There are touches of skin against skin, kisses, licks, bites until both feel that they are burning. Nezuko tightens his legs around his waist, kisses him deeply and forcefully, and then Zenitsu can no longer help it. He desperately needs to be inside her.

He still asks, just before he does, he has to know that this is what she wants. Her expression is pure, unadulterated desire. She nods, looking back at him as he presses her against his chest.

He intended to do this with her gently, carefully. In his mind had been a beautiful hidden place with flowers and soft grass and patience, a lot of patience. Instead, after an unbearable minute of entering her by centimeters, and another of waiting for her to relax around him until she puts her forehead on his and says yes, he can move and he better be Move now, he find himself doing the opposite and almost recklessly, making their both scream amid the intense sensations.

Nezuko moans with each thrust of his hips, her arms wrapped around his neck and her cheek resting against his. It takes time for them to synchronize, their movements are clumsy and inexperienced, but when they manage to move accordingly, deep pleasure makes the girl's skin redden more and makes her gasp his name as her arms tighten around him.

He lifts her up a bit, stopping at his pace to grab her better, but the interruption is worth it. The slightly different angle allows him to caress something inside her that makes her throw her head back and release the most obscene moan of the night. It makes her body contract and tighten around him and make her dig her nails into his shoulders, dragging them down his back. Nezuko vaguely feels the way he squirms from the sudden damage to his skin, but by then her head has already disconnected from the sudden surge of pleasure to notice much more. Even as she shudders in his arms, he wears himself out, buried to the hilt inside his wife, letting her name slip from his lips.

Zenitsu is trembling with release. When he more or less returns to reality, he feels his legs weak, his hip and abdomen ache and his back burns like hell. However, he momentarily forgets about it and leans towards Nezuko, holding her up by virtue of his own strength because if he releases her she might well collapse. With one arm still under her hip, he brushes sweat-damp hair from her face for a better look. She laughs weakly, looking at him through her lashes and a deeply satisfied smile curving her lips.

The blonde then lies down on the mattress while Nezuko places her head on his chest. They don't last much longer awake.

16.

The sun is too bright in this place. So much so that it prevents he from seeing properly, and he have to completely trust his ears for a brief moment. So there is a shadow, it looks like a person, but he cannot distinguish it. However, he sounds familiar. The friendliest sound he ever knew.

"Zenitsu, take good care of them."

The green and black plaid haori is the only thing that can distinguish between so much brilliance.

At dawn on the fifth anniversary of Tanjirou's death, Zenitsu wakes up half agitated. Immediately he sees Nezuko sitting on the edge of the bed, watching the moon through the window, singing softly. The blonde listens carefully as he calms down. He likes this song. It's the one she sings or hums when she's happy, a melody from her childhood, she told his. The words always seem particularly allusive to his older brother.

Here is all life, all in one

At times like this

Everything that lives and breathes in the sun

It's part of the kiss from heaven

And we will fly to meet the dawn

In the crimson sky we will be united.

He hasn't said a word or moved a muscle, but she still knows he's awake. Her ethereal gaze turns to him, and when he turns, Zenitsu can see his eyes sparkle, tempered by his gentle smile. Before he utters a word, an unrecognized sound reaches his ears. It's faint, almost imperceptible if he doesn’t pay enough attention, but he is sure it's there.

"Zenitsu?" Nezuko calls out to him, and then he focuses. The new sound comes from her, but it is not hers.

All the air in the room seems to freeze and he is stunned, absorbed in those rapid but rhythmic heartbeats.

A full minute passes before he can breathe again. Nezuko lifts her face and looks at him worriedly. Zenitsu feels something wet spread on his cheeks, and it is difficult to see her through the blurred view. They are his tears, and that makes the girl Kamado be alarmed and ask him if something hurts, if he feels good. He looks at her belly instead of giving her a verbal response, just inches from his nose at this angle. His hand moves on its own now, caressing the place that hides the life that now forms within she. A child.

Their child.

All men have secret dreams, and the one thing he always wanted, something he has never dared to whisper out loud, is that someday, somehow, he could have a family of his own. That he could be to some future son or daughter (or both, gods, both) what his parents weren't to him: a larger than life figure with an easy smile that could lift a child in each arm, laughing. A silly and idyllic dream, surely, for someone who does not have a long life assured.

"There is something wrong?" Nezuko pulls him out of his trance again, only to be approached by a sudden hug.

Zenitsu buries his face against her belly, his arms around her, hugging her. She runs her elegant fingers through his hair and murmurs soft words to calm him down. It's funny how things have changed, with their comfort. She is humming that tune again.

"I promise I will be a good father."

It takes Nezuko a full minute to understand what the blonde said, and when she does, tears accumulate in her eyes. She moves off the edge of the bed. Zenitsu caresses her belly one last time before he finally sits down and hugs her.

"How does it sound?" Nezuko asks, wiping her eyes from all traces of tears.

He smiles at her. "Happy."

Happiness is the only thing Zenitsu hears now, and he hopes it will be the only sound that will last long.