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“I have a dilemma.”
Katsuki pauses in his raucous slurping to shoot Shouto a bland look. Izuku swirls his straw around in his honeydew milk tea, giving him a supportive expression.
“What’s the matter, Shouto?” Izuku queries pleasantly.
“We’re all friends here, right?” Shouto asks. His strawberry bubble tea is growing warm in his left hand, so he switches it to his right.
Katsuki scoffs, “Tch. No.”
“Kacchan.”
“I’m just kidding, Deku,” Katsuki rolls his eyes. “Shitty fucking nerd. Obviously we’re all friends. We’re hanging out in my room for fuck’s sake. D’you think I’d do that with anyone I didn’t consider a friend?”
Izuku’s eyes get watery, and his voice trembles as he says, “Aw, Kacchan. You’ve come so far.”
He really has. Between the first year sports festival and Kamino Ward and the remedial lessons all the way to the beginning of their second year, Katsuki has made strides in his temperament. He’s finally accepted his place in the class, and subsequently the bonds that came alongside it.
While he normally spent time with the self-proclaimed Bakusquad, he, Izuku, and Shouto were well on their way to becoming Yuuei’s next Big Three, thus spending a lot of time together because of it. They’ve since developed a habit of getting bubble tea together once a week, before chilling in one of their dorm rooms for a couple of hours before dinner.
“I appreciate the sentiment, Katsuki,” Shouto says pleasantly, slurping up the last of his boba and placing the empty cup on the nightstand.
Katsuki ‘tch’-es, kicking his feet up on his desk and leaning back in his seat, arms stretched out behind him. “So what’s the fucking problem?”
“I’ll tell you once Izuku gives me Catarina,” Shouto deadpans, opening his arms. Izuku shoots him a disdainful look, reluctantly plopping the orange cat plushy into Shouto’s waiting arms. Shouto hugs her to his chest, leaning against the headboard of the bed and sighing happily.
“Bribery,” Izuku accuses.
“You two are way too fucking obsessed with that thing,” Katsuki sniffs. “Ei gave her to me for our first date.”
“We get it, you're in a relationship,” Izuku groans, falling backward onto the bed, arms splayed out. He peers at Shouto from the corner of his eye.
“She’s soft and huggable,” Shouto says, shifting on the bed to accommodate the other boy. “You’re angry and spiky. And you probably have rabies.”
“Say that ag—!”
“So, Shouto, what were you saying again?” Izuku interjects cheerfully.
“Oh, right,” Shouto says, twisting Catarina’s tail. “My brother’s the villain Dabi.”
Record scratch.
Izuku jerks up so suddenly Shouto is mildly concerned he’ll get whiplash. Katsuki’s legs are off the desk in a second, kicking his feet back so the rolly chair is propelled forward toward the bed and he can gape at Shouto from a closer distance. He almost knocks over his jasmine milk tea, Shouto notes.
“What?” Katsuki and Izuku screech in unison—which, wow, really spoke levels about the severity of what he’s just said.
Shouto nods, stroking Catarina’s head thoughtfully.
“Oh, gimme the damn cat!” Katsuki yanks the plushy from his arms.
“Catarina,” Shouto says sadly.
“Oh, Kacchan,” coos Izuku. “Look at his face. Give him the cat back.”
“Fucking fine,” Katsuki grumbles, tossing it at his chest. “But I’m not happy about it.”
“Alright, let’s go over this from the top,” Izuku says, ever the rational one. “This isn’t a theory, right? Like me being All Might’s illegitimate love child—”
“—or Mount Lady being my fucking sister or some shit,” Katsuki adds.
“No,” Shouto says, nuzzling Catarina. “I had dinner with him, Yumi, and Natsu the other day.”
“What the fuck,” Izuku says.
“Took the words right outta my goddamn mouth,” Katsuki mutters.
“So, Dabi is…Touya, right?” Izuku says hesitantly. “And your dilemma is whether you should turn him in or not?”
“That motherfucker kidnapped me—”
“He is Touya,” Shouto confirms. “But I’m not going to turn him in. That situation is…complicated.”
“How in the fuck is this situation compli—”
“However, it has also come to my attention that Natsu-nii’s boyfriend,” Shouto looks to the ceiling and sighs. “Shigaraki Tomura. My brother’s dating Shigaraki Tomura.”
Izuku, who had been taking a long sip of his bubble tea, spits out his drink all over Katsuki. Katsuki’s eyes bug out of his head. They both look to be on the verge of aneurysms.
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR—”
“So your dilemma is whether or not you should turn in Shigaraki?” Izuku asks hopefully.
“—FUCKING FAMILY? YOUR SHITTY FUCKING DAD—”
Shouto shakes his head, “No, Tomura and I are actually on pretty good terms. I just thought you should know so that there are no further secrets between us.”
“Did you just call him Tomura,” Izuku says, feeling dead to the world.
“Although,” Shouto says pensively, tapping his chin. “His birthday is coming up. I could use advice on what video game to get him.”
Izuku pinches the bridge of his nose, “What’s the problem then?”
“—BROTHER’S A MOTHERFUCKING VILLAIN LUNATIC—”
“Touya-nii and I are actually getting along really well, too, especially once we got past the whole kidnapping, arson, and murder thing.”
“I feel like I should be concerned about how casual you are about those crimes.”
“Besides Fuyumi, I think I had the most adverse reaction to them,” Shouto shrugs. “But family’s family. His end goal always was to kill our father, which I can’t say was the worst thing he could’ve wanted.”
“Shouto.”
“—OTHER BROTHER IS A FUCKING VILLAIN FUCKER—”
“My real dilemma lies with Touya and Fuyumi’s significant others.”
“Considering how much trauma Shigaraki put us through, you got over that way too fast,” Izuku says. He sighs, “Please don’t tell me their significant others are, like, Twice and Toga or something.”
“—YOUR UGLY ASS MUG. NOT FUCKING TURNING IN THESE VILLAINS—”
“No,” Shouto says, squeezing Catarina. “Hawks and Miruko.”
Izuku sputters, “What the fuck .”
“I know,” Shouto groans in a rare display of emotion. “They’re my two favorite heroes of all time after All Might. I don’t know how to act .”
“—FUYUMI’S THE ONLY BITCH IN THAT HOUSE I EVER RESPECTED—”
“Wait, so let me get this straight—”
“Straight,” Shouto parrots.
“Shut up,” Izuku says. “So your family consists of you, a hero-in-training; Natsuo and Fuyumi, both civilians; Touya-slash-Dabi, a notorious villain; Natsuo’s boyfriend Shigaraki, an even more notorious villain; Fuyumi’s girlfriend Miruko, the Number Five Pro Hero; and Dabi’s boyfriend Hawks, the Number Two Pro Hero?”
“Yes,” Shouto says.
“What the hell,” Izuku says. “And your problem is with the heroes, not the villains?”
“Correct.”
“—LESBIAN RIGHTS!” Katsuki finishes, panting heavily. Shouto and Izuku look at him.
“Are you done, Katsuki?” Shouto quirks an eyebrow.
Katsuki jabs a finger into his chest, “You’re literally never allowed to speak again, Ice-For-Brains. There are too many layers of bullshit .”
Shouto angles his body toward Izuku, “So what do I do?”
Izuku regards him pensively, then shrugs, “Bring me to the next family get-together. I’ll talk enough for the both of us, and maybe you’ll be comfortable enough to be able to interact with your heroes.”
Shouto blinks. Katsuki growls.
“Or Kacchan,” Izuku amends. “He’ll be like an angry pomeranian guard dog. You’ll be so embarrassed you’ll be forced into social interaction so they don’t focus on him.”
“Bitch.” Both Shouto and Izuku ignore him.
Izuku places a hand on Shouto’s forearm, “But, for the record, if you took me, it’d be like a boyfriend thing. ‘Cuz I like you. A lot. Romantic-stylez.”
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING M—?”
Shouto’s eyes are wide, “Seriously?”
“Yes,” Izuku and Shouto gaze into each other’s eyes. “I’m even willing to overlook the fact that you’ll let those villains who have personally put our class through hell and back go free. Actually, no. I like you more because of it. You’re a lot more morally gray than I gave you credit for.”
“I get that a lot,” Shouto breathes.
Neither party notices they’re leaning in until—
“Neither of you fucking deserves Catarina,” Katsuki hisses, snatching the plushy out from between them. He buries his face between its ears. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
Shouto snickers, “Did you just call her ‘baby’?”
Katsuki opens his mouth to retort when the door slams open. Mina peeks in, smiling brilliantly.
“I thought I heard Katsuki say ‘lesbian rights’ so I came as fast as I could,” she says brightly. “Also, dinner’s ready.”
Katsuki groans in relief, standing up, “Fucking finally. Reprieve from these two idiots .”
Izuku and Shouto follow suit, pinkies linked.
“It’s soba night,” Mina trills, dancing away from the doorway.
Shouto’s small excited ‘yess’ is more adorable than either Izuku or Katsuki would like to admit.
“We’re talking about this again later, dipshits,” Katsuki hisses. “With Aizawa-sensei in the room.”
“About my feelings for Izuku?” Shouto says, brow furrowed.
“NO—GR—ARGH!” Katsuki stomps out of his room. “I’m done with this shit.”
Once he’s gone, Izuku shoots Shouto a look.
“He’s right, you know,” Izuku says.
Shouto sighs, “Yeah. But later.”
“Later,” Izuku echoes.