Chapter Text
Severus had wondered how their relationship would change now that it had achieved official status, but from all he could observe their interactions were largely the same, with the addition of more frequent demonstrations of affection that James had apparently been holding back on before. Severus accepted the kisses and touches with as much dignity as he could, though he wasn't ready to initiate them.
It took only two days for James's parents to catch onto Severus's true role in their son's life, and frankly it was amazing to Severus they lasted that long. James couldn't seem to keep his hands off of him, touching his shoulders or chest and darting up to kiss him any time they had a spare moment alone.
James had his tongue down Severus's throat behind his father's greenhouse when his mother appeared to call them in for lunch.
“Oh!” she said in surprise and James wrenched himself off Severus to gape at his mother, whose cheeks were a little pinker than usual, but otherwise appeared unruffled.
Severus felt his stomach sink and his hackles immediately rise. His first thought was of his father's reaction- would Mrs. Potter react similarly? His second thought was to wonder how he could protect James from his mother's censure or disappointment?
“Oh, dear. This is- well, a bit of a surprise, but. Oh.”
James was blushing even harder than his mother, but he blindly reached down until he could grab Severus's hand. It was his wand hand, and it made Severus feel powerless, but the gesture was comforting- this time Severus didn't push him off. “Uh, Mum. Sorry you, er, saw that. I may have forgot to mention- er, that is, Severus is my boyfriend. I thought you might not let him come if you knew...”
Mrs. Potter put a distressed hand to her cheek and rushed forward to give her son a reassuring hug. “Oh, darling, of course I would have.” She released James to pull Severus down into her embrace as well, going so far as to kiss him on the cheek and making Severus squirm with embarrassment and confusion.
She drew back, beaming up at them. “Sweetheart, I know Dad and I seem like old ninnies to you, but don't forget we were young once. And you're both adults and smart boys and I'm sure you've figured out the right spells. Oh, but darling, you should have told me. Although I did rather suspect and I thought maybe there was something there but Dad says, no Mum, you're imagining it- wait until I tell him! ... you're such a nice boy, though, Severus, and at least I don't have to worry about Jamie getting you pregnant!”
“Mum!” groaned James, but Severus just snickered at James's obvious humiliation. If he hadn't been half in love with Mrs. Potter already, she'd just won his heart for good.
James's father was fairly stoic about the matter, calmly accepting and welcoming as always, and Severus had the odd sensation of actually wishing to live up to someone's expectations for once. The truly refreshing thing about James's parents was their absolute open mindedness and nonjudgmental spirit. They were perhaps the first people he'd ever met who didn't judge him for his house at school, his appearance, background, or past. With them he had a blank slate, to present himself as any sort of person he chose.
He looked forward to the intelligent conversation about potion ingredients he had with Mr. Potter almost as much as he did the nights he spent with James. Mrs. Potter's sweet smile and freely given motherly touches became something Severus silently appreciated, within just a few short days. And it didn't hurt how obviously pleased James was, as though the four of them getting along together was all he needed in his life to be happy.
Severus had even begun to entertain faint hopes of perhaps staying with the Potters a little longer, maybe even the rest of the summer, when disaster struck. Sirius Black ran away from home.
*
The night was hot, the humid air oppressive and heavy on their naked bodies, and the only breath of fresh air came from the open window beside the bed. They were too sweaty and awake to sleep, and Severus thought it likely within the next few minutes James would want to go again. As he'd decided that was as good a way to wile away the time as any, his cock was stirring a little in anticipation when a clamor from outside the window made them both startle, arms and legs untangling from each other as they fought to sit up.
James pulled himself apart from Severus, where he'd been glued stuck by dry semen and sweat. “What was that?” he asked, sweeping his hand over the bedside table in search of his glasses and wand.
The clattering outside the window had paused, but a sudden shuddering thump against the wall behind their bed made both dive for their wands.
James sprang off the bed, naked and unafraid, and crept near the window, keeping out of the line of sight.
“James, no,” Severus hissed, wondering how on earth he'd let his guard down enough to let this happen. It was so easy to forget that there was a Dark Lord or Death Eaters when he'd been wrapped in a cocoon of comfort for five days, but he was brought back to reality with a painful jolt. He reached out and grabbed James's arm and attempted to pull him back. “Stop, you idiot,” he whispered. “You're going to be killed.”
He'd always known that James had intentions to be an Auror (and, in Severus' opinion, it was a great waste of natural talent and inclinations, considering the boy's mastery of Transfiguration), but this brought home the danger in a way simply imagining the idea never had.
But James appeared to have seen something, for his wand hand dropped and he stepped in front of the window, peering out without thought to his safety.
“James!” Severus cried, and hating him a little but loving him more, he darted forward to pull him back and that was when he saw something worse than a Death Eater: Sirius Black.
“Sirius!” James cried at the same time Severus choked and stumbled back away from the window, diving for his clothes and managing to yank on a collection of his and James's discarded trousers and shirts before James had pulled Sirius off of his broom and into the bedroom, with his trunk and owl following. Severus guessed that it was the trunk that had slammed against the wall, but presently he was much more concerned about Sirius Black in James's bedroom than he was with anything else.
Sirirus blinked wildly around the room, took in James's still nude body and Severus disheveled and mismatched, standing wearily by the bed and clutching his wand, and seemed to put the pieces together. His expression of exaggerated horror was matched only by the long, forbidding scowl that turned Severus's face even more unpleasant than usual.
Severus clutched his wand, feeling every scrap of peace and happiness he'd managed to cultivate in the last five days disappear entirely, probably to be never found again.
“You,” Sirius spat, and Severus felt his skin prickle. “What are you doing here?”
“I was invited,” Severus snarled back, and a few sparks spewed from his wand, reacting to the indignation and hatred that mere words could not express.
“Severus... Sirius...” James said repressively, and both boys turned on him.
“Goddammit, James, you have him in your house? You let your parents meet him? He is dangerous!” Sirius grappled in his pocket and pulled out his own wand, as though a duel to defend the Potter family's honor was imminent.
Fury swamped him, at the insinuation Severus meant any harm to the Potters as much as at the high handed, arrogant tone Black had always taken, as though Severus wasn't fit to lick the bottom of his cauldron. Severus took a step forward, wand rising. “What's that supposed to mean, Black?”
“STOP!” James shouted, stepping between them with arms raised, wand in one hand. It should have been comical, James with his naked body glowing in the moonlight and his crooked glasses and riotous bed head, but neither Black nor Severus laughed. “Sirius, Severus is my boyfriend and I wanted to see him over the summer. I wanted my parents to meet him as well. We've all been getting along just fine, actually.”
Severus shot Black a triumphant smirk, jubilant as always when James took his part over Black's. He was now desperately grateful he'd agreed to be James's real boyfriend, if for no other reason than to see the way Black's face turn purple at the word.
“And Severus,” James said, head snapping back around to him. “Sirius wouldn't have come if he didn't need my help, and I expect you to be cordial.”
He scowled and refused to answer the demand directly. “Put some clothes on, James,” he muttered instead, not because he was worried about Black being attracted to James, but rather feeling territorial and defensive. James's naked body now seemed his domain, meant for his eyes alone.
Severus and Black, now chastised, lowered their wands slightly and stepped back while James rolled his eyes and unconcernedly went back to his dresser to pull out a clean shirt, pants and jeans. “Sit, won't you? You look like two dogs about to go for each other's throats.”
Severus desperately wanted to smugly reveal that he knew about Black's animagus abilities, but as he'd gleaned the knowledge through Legilimency, he knew he couldn't without James knowing how much his trust had been betrayed.
Black shoved a small pile of dirty clothing off the only seat in the room and sat down, wand clutched in his hand and his dark, distrustful gaze on Severus while James put on his clothing. With no other options, Severus backed up against the messy, unmade bed (itching to cast a quick scourgify to neaten and clean off the semen and sweat but unwilling to do so with Black present) and sat primly on the edge, hand still on his wand as well.
James pulled on his shirt and zipped up his jeans and then stood, barefooted, staring between the two of them. Severus could tell he didn't know what to do with the two of them in the same room, and wasn't surprised. Severus and Black, by silent but mutual agreement, had purposefully avoided spending time together in James's company. Though both made demands on his time, it hadn't been difficult to keep themselves separate, so it was little wonder James was a little overwhelmed by the sudden confrontation of hostilities that had never ceased, only been put on hold for a while. Severus wondered if perhaps James had hoped Black and Severus could move beyond their differences, the way Severus and James had.
Very unlikely.
Although he'd always hated James, it had been Black who'd he'd truly despised- and Severus was capable of true depths of loathing. Black had always been the leader, with James his gleeful follower. James had been mischievous, thoughtless, entitled and often cruel, but it had been Black who Severus thought was truly malicious. No more so than Severus, of course- only he hadn't had the benefit of a best friend willing to back him up, and had been at a disadvantage, using ever more dangerous dark arts to counter their pranks and attacks.
For a while James had soothed him, using attention and sex to distract him and exercising some control over his friend, but now Severus felt the desire to hex Black tingling in the palms of his hands, the magic simmering in his blood just below the surface, just waiting for him to utter the right words. He even thought he might like him dead- his life would be so much easier without Black... he'd have no competition for James's attention.
James sighed, probably reading the murder on Severus's face, and came to sit beside him. He reached over to put his palm down on Severus's hand, probably picking his wand hand on purpose and disguising it as a touch of affection. He curled his fingers around Severus's hand though, his fingertips resting warmly in Severus's palm, and it wasn't unpleasant. He allowed it, if for no other reason than Black looked like he'd sucked a lemon when James did it.
“Look...” he said, glancing back and forth between them wearily. “I know we never really talked about this, uh, together. But, fuck, I just need you both to back off, okay? Severus is my boyfriend, Sirirus, and he's not going away. It's been nearly two years and we're serious about each other.” Sirius opened his mouth to argue, but James lifted his other hand to stop him. “And Severus, Sirius has been my best friend for six years- practically my brother, and he's not going anywhere. So we've got to figure out a way to if not get along, get through ten minutes together without someone being killed because I can't pick between you. I won't pick.”
Severus had a moment of clarity, where he realized just how much James sounded like the adults they supposedly were, how much he'd matured in a short amount of time. He was a man now, and someone to be respected. He didn't need a leader to follow- he didn't need Black anymore. He didn't need Severus either, for that matter. He could have anyone.
It was a sobering thought.
Black, whose jaw had been clenched, stood abruptly. His eyes were on James. He took the few steps that separated them and Severus tensed, clenching his wand, even though Black didn't raise his.
James lifted the hand that wasn't sweating and tense on Severus's and put it to Black's forearm. “Sirius, please. We've all been arseholes to each other, no one more than the other.” Sirius opened his mouth to argue, to try and convince him Severus had been the worst offender, but James rushed forward. “But we have to put it behind us. We're adults now.”
Black's nostrils flared angrily and he opened his mouth to speak, but James beat him to it. “Sirius. Don't make me choose. That's beneath you. I love you both, I can't choose.”
Severus's stomach jumped and he hissed in a gasp, his gaze shooting to James's face. James was looking up at Black, though, and when Severus looked at him he found the dark haired boy searching James's eyes so deeply Severus almost wondered if the boy had learned Legillimency and was using it against his friend. Despite his own secret use of the art on James, the thought raised his hackles, as though Sirius were somehow violating James's privacy worse than he had. He also felt suffused in shame, for continuing to use it for so long, especially given the way James apparently felt about him.
Love. Was it love, that Severus had seen in James's mind? It certainly had not been an uncomplicated emotion, but he wasn't sure he'd recognize love even if he saw it.
“James, this isn't about me not liking him. This is more than a childhood grudge, for Merlin's sake. There is a war going on out there,” he cried passionately, waving a hand at the window to encompass the entire Wizarding world. He was speaking to James now and ignoring Severus. “And you think the Dark Lord will give Snape a pass just because he's your boyfriend? FUCK NO! He is actively recruiting and Snape is an obvious choice. He has always loved the dark arts, you know he has. And You Know Who has ways of convincing... Even my brother-” but anger or some other emotion had twisted Black's features.
“Regulus?” Severus asked quickly, uneasiness rolling in his stomach. What had Regulus done? He'd feared for the boy and how close he'd seemed to become to Mulciber and Avery, but he was astonished anything had progressed so quickly. It was difficult for Severus to call anyone who wasn't named Lily his friend, but Regulus and he had always bonded over a shared hatred of Sirius.
James was gripping Black's forearm now, his knuckles white under the nervous pressure. “What is it? Sirius, what happened?”
Black put his fists over his eyes and pressed hard and Severus could see the fine trembling of his body. It was a while before he could speak.
“He's been going to Death Eater meetings with Snape's cronies, Avery and Mulciber,” he finally ground out. “I caught the little fucker coming back one night. I told him I'd tell Wallburga and he just fucking laughed. She approves. He's going to be murdered and SHE THINKS HE'S DOING THE FAMILY NAME PROUD!” he said, his voice rising into a shout of pain and fury. “James, I had to leave. I can't stay there anymore.”
Severus dropped his gaze, suddenly very uncomfortable seeing this. He'd always thought the hatred between the brothers was mutual, but he supposed that Regulus was his brother. Severus had no siblings, but thought that family loyalty might run deep. Even he wouldn't be totally indifferent if, say, his father was murdered- even though he'd been sorely tempted to do the job himself a few times.
“He won't have joined yet,” Severus finally said, and both boys looked over at him, as though only just now realizing he was there. He cleared his throat and looked at James, because he was easier to look at. “Soon, probably, but I don't think there would have been time. I've heard there are... initiations. There's still a chance...”
“What chance is there?” Black snarled, but he was looking at Severus with something that might have been hope. “They already have him. You think he can leave now? And he won't even listen to me.” There was a long, still silence. Black looked like he was talking through a wad of bubotuber puss, but he was clearly desperate. “Do you think...”
James gave voice to the hope Black seemed unable to. “Severus, would he listen to you?”
Severus closed his eyes for a moment, playing out various scenarios rapidly. Nothing was clear, no conclusion foregone. Severus tended to avoid situations he didn't think he could win, and this one was as fraught and impossible as any he could imagine.
“I don't know,” he admitted grudgingly. “We've... fallen apart, recently.” When he'd begun spending more time with James and avoiding the crowd Lily and James disapproved of (just to keep them happy and uncomplaining, he'd told himself) Regulus had taken it a bit personally and their formerly cordial relationship had deteriorated. “But I could try.” James let out a relieved breath and clenched his hand hard, gratefully.
Black let out a harsh breath as well, and Severus looked back up at him sharply. “I'm doing it for Regulus, not you,” he said, just to make it a point. For James's sake he would suppress the homicidal feelings he had towards Black, but he wanted it clear that he wasn't doing him any favors.
Black snorted. “Doesn't matter who you do it for.”
Severus thought that was a surprisingly good point.
Later, long after James had quietly made up the guest bedroom and settled Black into it, then come back to bed, Severus lay awake, thinking. James was curled against him, messy head resting on his shoulder and drooling a little. His body was relaxed and pliant, innocent almost, but Severus remembered the respect he'd briefly felt for him, the confidence and power the boy had exuded. He'd changed so much during the two years they'd been together, beginning as enemies and ending as friends, or more, perhaps. Severus wondered if it had been he who'd been the impetus for James's change, or if he'd have somehow grown up to be this man without him?
He wondered, too, if James had changed Severus, and how he would have been without him? Would he, weak and friendless, have been drawn into the dangerous crowd Regulus had fallen in with? Would Lily's influence alone have been enough to keep him from the lure of acceptance the Dark Lord offered? Or had James and Lily both worked together, twin supports he could fall back on when power beckoned. Maybe he'd needed a reason, and something to lose, to say no to everything the Dark Lord could offer him.
The Dark Lord couldn't offer him a best friend like Lily, or a lover like James.
Overcome, Severus rolled over and pressed a soft, silent kiss to James's sleeping cheek before laying back, determined to sleep this time.
*
The three boys sat squeezed together on the sitting room sofa, James in the middle and Headmaster Dumbledore across from them in the only other available seat. Mr. and Mrs. Potter had excused themselves to the kitchen, to give them privacy, even though it had been on their insistence that Dumbledore be invited into Regulus's rescue effort to begin with.
Sirius and James had been enthusiastic about Dumbledore's involvement, but Severus had felt like he'd swallowed a bowling ball and may have attempted to flee had it not been for James's hand clasped firmly around his, as though to anchor him in place. It was effective, at any rate. He felt like James might notice how his palms slicked with nervous sweat, but every time he considered leaving he knew he'd have to break the connection first and disappoint James, and couldn't quite bring himself to do so.
Finally Sirius finished his story, ending with the explosive argument he'd had with his mother and him fleeing his home.
“And that brings us to the Potter's home,” Dumbledore mused. “Where you found Severus and James, and you hatched a plan to rescue your wayward brother.” Dumbledore's gaze fell on Severus and he hunched his shoulders a little, as though to deflect attention
Dumbledore was not well liked in the Slytherin house. He was considered too liberal, too preferential to Gryffindors, too noble. Those interested in the Dark Lord hated him for other reasons- because they feared him. Severus did not truly belong to any group of thought, but he respected Dumbledore's abilities, and wasn't arrogant enough to dismiss his power. He did not hate him, but he certainly didn't trust him. Therefore he was surprised and a little suspicious when Dumbledore gave him a small, genial smile.
“I must say, Severus, I rather thought you might come to me one day.”
'You- what?” he stuttered in confusion. “Er, sir,” he added hastily.
Dumbledore's smiled broadened a little more and Severus was a little disturbed to find that the old man looked vastly amused and a little smug. “Well, what are the Dark Lord's charms to that of young Mr. Potter's, after all? Or your dearest friend, Miss Evan's, for that matter.” James shot Severus a sharp, sideways glance, though Severus ignored him. “And I rather thought you were much too intelligent to fall for his lies, anyway. I'm pleased to be proven correct.”
“I...” he began uncertainly, not sure how to respond. “How-?”
Dumbledore smirked and Severus suddenly wished the couch would open its pillowy jaws and eat him whole. “My dear boy, you and Mr. Potter have truly been remarkably indiscreet.” Severus exchanged another glance with James and found the Gryffindor red faced and guilty looking. “But never mind that, there was no harm done,” he said happily, his eyes merry and bright. “What I mean to say is that I've watched you from a young age, Severus, and have known that your intelligence and exceptional magical abilities would make you an easy target for Lord Voldemort, and I cannot tell you the pleasure it gives me that you have the faith in yourself and the necessary independence to know that you do not need a tyrant to lead you to power and success.”
“I- oh,” Severus stuttered, totally caught off guard by the compliments and completely uncertain how to respond to them. He rallied, though, when he realized with horror that he was being manipulated- and playing right into Dumbledore's trap. “I know what you're doing,” he said angrily. “You're trying to sway my allegiance from one tyrant to another.”
James sucked in a sharp breath and Sirius gave a wordless cry of anger, beginning to rise to his feet before Dumbledore lifted a hand to stop him. Dumbledore looked at Severus steadily, his smile gone but his face calm and impassive. “You don't trust me, and I don't blame you. You've got no reason to. You've been told, probably your entire life, that I'm weak, sentimental, eccentric- maybe worse. You've been told I'm a Muggle lover and a blood traitor.”
Severus didn't respond, but he jutted his chin out stubbornly. It was true, all of it.
Dumbledore's gaze was so sharp and intense Severus found it was almost like staring at the sun, to continue to look at him. “I do love Muggles, Severus, because they are as human as we are, despite the poor experiences you've had with them.
“Perhaps I'm sentimental, and certainly I'm eccentric. But weak?” Dumbledore only smiled knowingly, and Severus shuddered a little, feeling the reverberations of the deep fear his fellow Slytherins had infected in him rise up. “Well, you know better, don't you? But I'm not a tyrant. It is true I lead the fight against the Dark Lord, but those who follow me do so willingly. No one who does not wish to fight is required to do so. Unlike the Death Eater's policy, if you are not with me you are not necessarily against me. Only those who follow the Dark Lord need fear me.”
“I'm not afraid of you,” Severus muttered, though he still felt shivery and unsettled, to have so much attention from the man directed at him.
Dumbledore's expression was hard to read and Severus was not brave enough to attempt Legillimency. “I hope you never have reason to, Severus.”
*
James was tender with him that night, his touch gentle and his hands everywhere, as if unable to hold him close enough or touch enough of him. “May I fuck you?” James asked breathlessly in his ear.
Severus said no more than he said yes to that request, so it was gratifying to see the delighted surprise on James's face when he bit his lip and nodded.
James opened Severus up with his fingers slowly before sinking inside, his gaze intense and piercing above him. It felt good to give up his pride and let James penetrate him, somehow emotionally satisfying in a way it hadn't been before. Severus wanted to use magic to see what was going on behind his eyelids, to see if James felt that way too, but stopped himself, making a silent resolution to not use those arts against James again. It wasn't right, or fair, and a part of him knew that whatever they had between them could never progress if he could not trust him. If James was his choice, then he was going to invest himself into it wholly, not partially. The opportunity to hold himself back, to protect himself, seemed to have passed without him even realizing.
When James was pressed deep inside he lowered himself until their chests brushed and he was close enough to drop light, gentle kisses down on his mouth. Severus lifted his arms and draped them loosely over his back, keeping him near but not forcing him.
James rested their cheeks together and rocked into him slowly, savoring the act and prolonging it.
It made his toes curl with pleasure and his body hum with contentment, but it wasn't hard enough to turn his mind off. Finally he turned his lips to James's ear and whispered the thing that had lingered at the back of his mind the entire day, despite the anxiety of their meeting with Dumbledore and his fear over his part in the plan to save Regulus from the Dark Lord. “You told Black you loved me,” he whispered, and James froze above him. Severus wondered if he'd made the wrong choice, bringing it up. Had it just been something James had said, to pacify his friend? He emotionally closed himself off immediately, readying for rejection.
James pushed back into Severus's body slowly, but pulled his head back enough to look into his face. He searched his dark eyes. “Is that okay?” he asked, surprising Severus.
He blinked, stomach jumping and heartbeat racing. “You love me?” he asked, realizing he'd expected to be contradicted.
James's gaze skittered away and his hips stilled, snugged deep within the cradle of his hips. “I think so. I can't stand the thought of you in danger, or you leaving me, or you being with anyone else. I think about you all the time, and when you aren't with me I want you to be.”
Severus bit his lip, now almost in physical pain with the need to take just a peek into James's mind, to judge his sincerity. James moved above him, hips slow and deliberate, but he continued to look down at Severus, not giving him a chance for privacy to sort through his feelings.
“You haven't asked if I loved you,” he pointed out, because it was his understanding of these things that one declaration demanded another. Merlin knew there was hell to pay in Severus's household if Father told Mum he loved her and Mum was crying too hard to reply.
James looked at him sharply. “You aren't supposed to ask,” he said, as though this were common knowledge Severus had somehow managed to miss. “You either tell me or you don't, that's all.”
“I... don't know. I've never- there's hasn't been very... many people I've... cared about,” he stuttered to a halt finally.
James nodded and continued to thrust into him gently, just enough stimulation to keep them hard, but not even close to making them come. “I know, I was your first,” he said as though Severus was too inexperienced to know his own feelings, though Severus had it on good authority that James may have got a few snogs in with girls, but he'd been a virgin too.
“I don't mean like that,” he snapped and James gave a chuckle at his impatient tone. “I just... my parents are not... like yours. Growing up, I mean. It was. Not good. Between them and...” He didn't know how to describe it, how he couldn't interpret love because he'd never seen it, been raised around it, or been taught it. The discussion of his parents was dampening his arousal, making him feel awkward. “And I was alone most of the time until I met Lily...”
James made a sound like he may have been punched in the gut. “You're in love with Lily,” he said dully, in a tone of voice that was flat but not shocked, as though a deep fear of his had been confirmed.
“No!” Severus said hastily, and clamped his thighs around James's sides to keep him from backing out and away, as the tension in his muscles seemed to indicate. “Becalm yourself, Potter. I'm not in love with Lily. But she cared about me when... no one did.”
James was looking at him with confusion and sorrow, but also resignation, as though he didn't quite believe him. “How can I compete with that? I treated you like shit the first four years I knew you.”
“More than four years,” he pointed out primly, not wanting the few months he'd spent being fucked by James at night while James played tricks on him during the day to be trivialized. “I know you like girls too,” he said, trying to explain it from another angle. “But I don't. I don't have sexual feelings for women.”
James relaxed a little. “But how do you feel about me?”
“I told you that I didn't know!” Severus knew he hadn't done a good job of explaining, and had probably made James even more confused and uncertain than before, but how could he explain to someone like James that he'd known so little love in his life that he wasn't sure he'd know what it was, even if he felt it? “I don't know... how.”
“It's okay,” James said, gently now. “I'll show you,” he whispered, and Severus thought maybe James had understood him better than he'd given him credit for. James leaned down to kiss him again and they rocked together, their bodies swaying in tandem, slowly and tranquilly until the end, when their movement became fast and quiet hums of appreciation turned into harsh cries of pleasure.
*
Severus and James breathed softly under the sheets, savoring the last few moments they had alone before Severus had to pack up his things to return home. He'd entertained fantasies of staying the rest of the summer with the Potters, but Sirius's arrival had put an end to that. Even if he'd been invited (he hadn't) he knew that another month in Sirius's company was as likely to end in death and destruction as not.
He worried, though. He could only imagine the poison Sirius would drip into James's ear in Severus's absence. Could he turn James against him when before he'd been unsuccessful? How could he protect James against his influence?
James was awake, but his eyes were closed. Feeling a little panicked, Severus leaned forward and kissed him, demanding his attention. “Will you stop loving me when I'm not here?” he asked, honestly curious and more than a little insecure. “Black is going to try to turn you against me, now more than ever.”
James's eyes popped open wide before narrowing wearily. “Don't give me much credit, do you?” he said, voice husky with sleep.
Severus didn't know what to say, so he stayed silent, only watching James and willing himself not to use Legillimency against him.
James propped his head on one hand and stared bashfully at Severus's clavicle. The emotional side to their relationship was still painfully new, for both of them. “I'm not going to stop loving you.”
Severus breathed out slowly, willing himself to trust James, even if it went against his nature. He still wasn't sure how he felt about James, if the tightness in his chest was tenderness and love, or anxiety and possessiveness, or if all the emotions coalesced to mean love. “I might...” he began, before his natural reticence slammed on the brakes before he could make any declarations he wasn't ready for. “I'm going to look forward to seeing you at school,” he finished instead, prim and dispassionate.
James seemed satisfied enough though. He twitched a shoulder and smiled bemusedly. He looked ready to say something else, before he hesitated, clearly feeling he'd put himself on the line enough. He changed tracks swiftly. “You know, I'm surprised you never asked me what I was talking about. You know, in the Room of Requirement. The thing I was going to teach you?”
Severus's lips parted and he caught his breath, realizing he'd almost given himself away. He knew what James had been referring to, and the reason why, but it had been impossible to reveal what he knew. Much as he'd wanted to crow to the school that Remus Lupin was a dangerous werewolf who roamed the full moon with his animagus friends, doing so would cost him his relationship with James. He was ultimately a selfish person, and had kept his bed curtains locked and his mouth shut on the full moon. “I forgot,” he said cautiously.
James bit his lip, before scrambling out from under the covers and standing in the middle of the room, naked and pale. He kicked a few articles of clothing out of the way, and gripped his wand in one hand. “Okay,” he said nervously, then brought his wand down on a silent spell. Severus watched in fascination as James shimmered and morphed, expanding until fur sprouted from his skin and antlers bloomed from his elongating forehead. A stag, young but large and strong, stood before him, head bowed a little in the small room's confines.
“Shit,” Severus breathed, not even having to feign amazement. He'd seen the knowledge in James's head, seen the reflection through James's eyes in the Great Lake, but seeing him in person was truly astonishing. Against his better judgment, Severus crawled out of bed as well, creeping closer until he was near enough to reach out a hand. He paused before touching, though, and James moved his head up to bump his nose against Severus's palm. His moist nose nuzzled his hand for a moment before James took a step back, shook his head, and morphed back into a boy. He was grinning, clearly delighted to show off.
“Well. Shit,” Severus said again, speechless for once, and James launched himself against him, laughing.
“I know you have a hundred questions, but let's just fuck first. Transforming into the stag makes me horny.”
Severus was too distracted by James's mouth to realize the horrible joke at first, but one suspicious look at James' face told him it hadn't been an innocent turn of phrase. “I just lost all respect for you,” he said seriously, but James just laughed and pushed him onto the bed.
“Come on, Sev, you don't know how long I've waited to say that,” he said, clambering up onto the boy to straddle his hips.
Severus, forgetting for the moment his imminent departure and the dangerous job to save Regulus he'd been tasked with, grinned up at him unreservedly. “Are you going to mount me?” he teased.
James propped himself over Severus, smiling back gleefully. “Oh yeah, it's mating season.”
Severus groaned in mock disgust. “Merlin save me,” he said, but squirmed under James so he could roll onto his stomach and knees. His arse pressed back against James's groin and he shot a coy look over his shoulder. “Well?”